Okay...so Here goes nothing. I may put up the last two or three chapters tomorrow:) Enjoy:)

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Chapter Fourteen: CD Twelve.

So this is the Disk I've been dreading. The one that makes me want to cry just thinking about it. The one that is going to end up possibly being the longest. Because ladies and gentleman...this one isn't a blame. And this one isn't part of the reason.

This is an explanation for a very important person. The only person I feel I owe an explanation to. Finn Hudson...baby. Your not to blame for any of this. Maybe a little in the beginning I guess...but I never ever think of you as doing something wrong.

But I did do something wrong Rach. I didn't realize that you needed me. And that's the worst possible thing I ever could have done. I'm so sorry. Just so very sorry. If I could go back in time and save you I would in a heart beat. You've got to believe me.

You should blame me. Entirely. I let you down.

I know you've probably almost killed yourself with guilt. Because the kind of person you are. A great one. You probably would do something if I could get myself to ask you for help. But I can't...I just can't.

Finn. Take care of yourself okay? And think about me sometimes. Remember me as the girl who first loved you. Because in all honesty I do truly love you with my whole heart. Basically you're the only good thing in my life. The only thing that's kept me going this far.

The only thing you ever did was break up with me for Santana and Brittany. Then you slept with Santana. Yeah sweetie. I know about that. And I forgive you. Because those things don't matter.

You weren't trying to hurt me.

Not like everyone else was.

How did you find out? I'm so sorry once again. There's nothing I can do now. And I'll never forget about you. Ever. I swear. You'll always be the first girl I loved. And the first girl who ever loved me back.

I clicked pause.

"I can't take this anymore. This is all my freaking fault. No matter what Rachel says...I'm to blame. God. I don't want to hear anymore. I just can't believe this..." I choked on my own words. A huge horrible lump got stuck in the back of my throat.

And that's when it happened. I started sobbing. Not crying but sobbing and hard. And I didn't care if Puck saw. I needed this. I cried for the loss of the girl I loved. I cried because I was mad. I cried because I felt guilty. And after I was done sobbing about all those things, I just cried.

"It's okay Hudson. Dude just keep listening. You can do it. If your tape made you cry...then just imagine what number thirteen's tape will do to you..." Puck said. It should have come out sounding rude...but it didn't it was to sympathetic.

I just breathed then clicked play once again.

I don't want you to be sorry. I never ever wanted you to be sorry. I probably shouldn't have put you as number Twelve Finn...but I did. I wanted you to be almost the last one to get the tapes. That way you could be normal the longest.

You've got it the easiest when you think about it. You have nothing to feel guilty for on here. But knowing you Finn...you'll find something to make you feel guilty. I wish you wouldn't...but you will.

You know why? Because you care about me in a way. You're the only person I've ever felt like cared about me...even in just a way.

"I cared about you more than in just a way Rachel! I could've helped you! But your so DAMN stubborn! God damnit!" I screamed then clicked pause.

"She's not here man. Your just yelling into thin air. She's not really here. I know...It feels like she's still here doesn't it? Like she came back from the dead just to make these tapes? Its such a weird feeling." Puck said shaking his head trying to think clearly.

"The way she says my name is so haunting. I'll never forget it." I confessed he nodded then pointed back at my CD player. Then he was silent. And I was silent. And I just wanted to cry again.

I know you probably miss me now...but someday your going to find the perfect girl for you. And I'll be watching from heaven giving you my blessing.

You were the perfect girl. And there's no doubt in my mind you'll be watching. I love you. I love you more than you know.

Next chapter will be a continuation of Finn's CD! Hope you enjoyed:)