I know that it has been forever since I've been on here to post and I would just like to send out my apologies to everyone who does read my stories. I've had the worse writers block and it just killed my mood to write. I can usually get like that twice a year so I'm just letting you know this ahead of time just in case I take another hiatus lol. But yeah I will be shocked if i get reviews for my return because of how long it has been but that's totally fine with me.
Well heres the next chpt.
Enjoy!
Hidden Truth
Of course when I finally got outside to go for a walk I didn't have a freaking clue on where I was going.
Smart one Spencer. You sure know how to get yourself into things like this.
So instead of being bothered with where the hell I was I just continued to walk and not give a damn. Yeah that's what I'll do.
NOT GIVE A DAMN!
To bad that's all I do. That's all I tend to do more like it. I care about everything that is going on around me because that's just the person that I am. I wish I wasn't everyday. I wish I could just forget all the drama that is placed in front of me and continue with my life but no such luck. I was cursed.
Damn this curse.
Ring Ring
I looked down at my phone and I already knew who it was.
Ashley.
"Hello."
"Can we please talk Spencer. I thought we had figured everything out this morning. Why are you mad at me for?"
Ashley kept on going on with everything and I continued to walk.
"I'm not mad at you Ashley. I just needed to walk that's all. To clear my head."
"Can I please pick you up and talk about this?"
I stopped on the corner of the street I was on and I looked at the name on the sign.
Logans Rd..
"I'm on the corner of Logans Rd."
"I'll be there in a second babe." I hung up the phone and I stood there with my hands planted on my face.
Do you think that it's to late for everything to just go back to normal?
Screw normal. Nothing is normal. I figured that out when I grew up without a mom. When I would be at school and the girls would bring their moms to parent day and I brought my dad. I did so much stuff with my dad that he was everything to me. Now here I am parentless, staying with my girlfriend while I regroup myself before I head back to the house, and I now have to worry about Rachel coming back into Ashleys life.
Talk about crappy.
xxxx
No longer than ten minutes later Ashley was pulling up to the curb and jumped out of the car. She walked right up to me and wrapped her arms around me. I felt her tighten her grip around me and I knew that she didn't want to let me go.
"Please tell me that everything is going to be alright. Please!" I heard the sincerity in her voice and I knew that she wanted me and not Rachel. Of course you know me I was just insecure about a lot of things. Like the fact that I have a super hot girlfriend.
You would be insecure too.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for thinking that you want Rachel back. I'm sorry for not believing that you don't love me. I'm just so sorry." I broke down.
Ashley pulled away and I knew that I already had tears coming down my face. That was a no brainer. I would cry at a drop of a hat if it happened in front of me.
Sad I know.
"Spence look at me." I did as she asked and I stood there while she whipped away the tears from my cheeks.
"I love you and nothing is going to change that. So please stop thinking that I'm going to give up on us because I don't want that at all. I just want you babe." I looked right at her and I knew that we were going to be ok. I just needed a slap into reality.
xxxx
For the the next week Ashley pretty much took care of me and I appreciate all that she was doing for me. After so much she was right there next to me holding my hand making sure that I was doing ok. Ashley showed me that love was something that you had to work on to keep it going. Ashley made me feel so much. I could literally just lay there in bed with her and think of everything that makes her special to me. Listening to her breathe right next to me made me so happy inside. Than I realized something...
I owed her everything.
xxxx
"Are you ready?"
We were sitting outside my house and all the family was there. Today was the funeral and I was feeling like I didn't know if I wanted to go through this. I knew that the day was going to come and I would have to see daddy but now I was here I didn't know if I could do it.
"I don't know if I can do this Ash." My eyes were already blood shot from crying this morning as I was getting ready at Ashleys house. Than of course I had to pack up all my stuff to head back home for the funeral. Everything seemed like it was just getting harder for me. I'm sure that it was all in my head but I hated this all.
"I'm going to be right there with you. I'm not going to let you down Spencer." Ashley leaned over the seat and kissed me on the cheek as she squeezed my hand.
After a few minutes of sitting in silence of the car where it was safe we made our way up to the house.
I squeezed tight onto Ashleys hand as we made our way inside. There was family all over the house. There was my moms family and than there of course was my dads family.
I got hugs. I got kisses and I got 'I'm sorrys.' I seriously did not want to hear any of that because all it made me think about was the fact that he was really gone and I didn't have him in my life anymore.
"Come on." Ashley grabbed a hold of my arm and lead me away from all of the family that was crowding around me. I needed to see some familiar people.
Kaylee.
My brothers, Kaylee, and even Gina were all in the kitchen talking with eachother as we walked in there. Kaylee saw me and came straight for me. I hugged her so tight and she did the same right back.
"How are you doing?" Kaylee asked me as we both stood there.
"As good as possible I guess. Thanks for coming, both of you." I looked over at Gina and she smiled at me.
I than went up to Glen and Clay and hugged them both. I swear if I didn't have my brothers than I don't know where I would be right now. They've taken care of everything while I couldn't do anything at all. Sometimes I felt like I was helpless.
I loved them both very much and I'm so greatful to have them in my life.
xxxx
The funeral place was small but held pretty much the whole family.
Glen, Clay, Ashley, Kaylee, Gina and I all sat in front of the place as I sat there gripping onto Ashleys hand. The coffin stood right there in front so everyone could pay there respects to daddy but I've yet to make my way up there.
The priest stood up there talking about my dad and what a kind man he was. About how he loved all of his children no matter what.
Hmm if he only what dad thought of me when I came out to him. I'm sure that wouldn't be said out loud to everyone. So I sat there listening to everything everyone had to say about him as if he was the perfect person. Don't get me wrong I loved my father very much but when he came out and said what he was really feeling about me it totally just killed me. To think that your own father wouldn't accept who you are.
That is one thing I will never like to remember about my father. Not one bit.
xxxx
I cried.
I sat there with the people that I love the most in the world and I cried as I said goodbye to my father.
He laid there in the coffin as I gripped onto Ashley as we stood there looking at daddy.
"Are you ok?" Ash asked me as we sat back down in our seats.
I looked directly at her and I told her.
"As long as you don't let me go than I'll be fine." Ashley smiled big at me and placed her hand on my cheek.
"I won't if you won't."
(A/N- Hey you guys...thanks so much for all the new people who have been reading my stories and adding me to their fav lists of some sorts...its awesome to get responces still it makes me still as giddy as I first started writing...soo I'll try my hardest to keep the stories going...i'm still working on CONFESSIONS...so please bare with me...thanks again everyone!! Much love to all!!)