"I really should go home Cal." Gillian turned toward her coat and then remembered he still hadn't given her back her boots or keys. She turned back around with her hands on her hips. "Where are they?"
Cal shrugged his shoulders and turned to walk into the living room "I'm sure I don't know what you're on about!"
Gillian stalked after him. "Cal Lightman! You give me back my boots and my keys!"
Cal flopped down on his couch, propped his feet up and put his hand behind his head. "Later. Right now I'm gonna relax on this couch."
Gillian was feeling slightly furious with him. "Cal! You can't just keep me here!"
Cal studied her closely. "What are you afraid of Gill?"
Gillian stared at him with confusion all over her face. "What?"
"When I asked you to stay, you showed fear. Why?" Cal sat up straight and looked her in the eye waiting for her answer.
Gillian threw her arms up, looked at the ceiling, and shook her head.
"I don't think any differently of you than I did before we talked last night." Cal continued looking at her. She made eye contact with him and was watching his face. "Okay, so that's a lie, right. I do think differently of you. I think you are even stronger than I ever thought before, and I thought you were one of the strongest people I knew before so you can just imagine-"
"Cal? You're rambling." Gillian's shoulders relaxed. She came around the coffee table and sat on the opposite end of the couch. They sat in silence for a few minutes. Gillian finally looked at him and saw his eyes trained on her face. "What do you want from me Cal?"
"I don't want anything from you love. I just want to have you near me." He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Gill. You know so much about me and I used to think I knew a lot about you. But, I'm realizing that I don't." He paused for a moment. "And I want to."
Gillian smirked. "You do realize that just because you want to know everything about me, doesn't mean I want to tell you everything there is to know, right?"
Cal nodded his head "Yes. I realize that. I'm just hoping that you're willing to share with me whatever you're comfortable sharing." He turned toward her and scooted closer. "You know that I'm very protective of you-"
"Really?" Gillian smiled at him "I hadn't noticed." They both shared a little chuckle.
"I just want to tell you love, you are one of the most important people in the world to me. Last night when you were talking, it took everything in me not to scoop you up and hold you tight." Cal looked her in the eyes "You have always helped me so much with everything and I just want to be able to return the favor."
Gillian looked away from him "I understand. I really do." She paused for a second "But this isn't new for me Cal. I don't need to be protected from it. I've dealt with it."
Cal thought before he responded. "I know you've dealt with it. But, I dealt with my mother's suicide too. And it still gets to me sometimes." He scooted even closer to her. "I want to be able to be there for you the way you always are for me. I feel like there is so much you've kept hidden down inside yourself…"
"I never meant to hide anything in my past from you. It just never came up and it's not something that you just throw out there in everyday conversation." Gillian was almost feeling defensive.
Cal jumped on that quickly "No love. That's not what I'm trying to say. I don't mean to say that you purposely hid this from me. I just mean you've been carrying it around all this time and I'm offering to share the burden."
"Cal. I appreciate that. I really do. But it isn't a burden for me anymore. I worked through it."
Cal studied her face for a moment. "I know you worked on it love. But, I saw so much pain on your face last night…" He paused to watch her reaction to what he was saying. She honestly looked surprised that he saw pain on her face. "Yeah, pain. If I can lessen that for you, I want to."
Gillian was taken aback by what came out of his mouth. 'Pain? But I worked through it, for so long. I'm fine, damn it! I'm fine!' "The pain was probably because I was putting it out there. I was letting you in-"
"No, Gillian. That wasn't where the pain was coming from. You felt relief after you let it out. You've been carrying this around for so long. You never let anyone truly help you, did you?" Cal watched her face contort in anger. "That's it love. Get mad. You never got mad did you?" He knew he was pushing this but he sensed she was barely controlling her emotions and he had been guessing at the core feeling. Anger.
Gillian could feel the heat building inside as he pushed her. She knew what he was doing and she was trying hard not to react.
Cal could see she was trying really hard to hold it together. He felt terrible for what he was about to do but that didn't stop him. "Wasn't proper for you to get mad yeah? Not you. You're always in control. Didn't need to be angry right? Just minimized it, justified the behavior. That made it easier right? Probably still take a lot of the blame too don't ya?"
Gillian was off the couch before she realized what she was doing. "Stop it Cal! Stop it!" She went around the coffee table and toward the door.
He jumped up quickly and grabbed her arm. She turned and glared at him. She tried to pull her arm away but he wouldn't let it go.
"Let go of me!" She yanked harder but he wouldn't loosen his grip. "I'm going home! Let go!"
"Can't do that love." He reached and grabbed her other arm. He was standing behind her now, one hand holding her right wrist and the other grabbing just above her left elbow. He held on tight.
Gillian felt him grab her other arm and she twisted to get away. He wouldn't let go. She could feel her emotions getting away from her. "Cal! Let go! Let me go!"
Cal said nothing. He just let her pull and twist as hard as she could until he felt her break. Her arms went limp and she collapsed to her knees. She folded over and Cal let her arms go as she leaned forward. She was crying hard now. He tried to fold her into his arms and she jerked away. He tried again and she turned on him.
She screamed and pushed at his chest. "Get away!"
He went toward her again. He could see the anger in her face. "Come on love! I'm not going away!" He grabbed for her again.
"Stop it!" Gillian swung her arms at him. "Stop it!"
Cal grabbed her in a bear hug. He felt her jerking and pushing against him. She was sobbing and after struggling with him for a few moments, she folded in on her self again.
"I've got you love. You're okay." Her sobbing slowed and she reached her arms around him and clung to him. They sat like that for a long while. Cal holding her and her clinging to him while she cried tears she didn't realize she'd been holding on to.
TBC