Chapter fourteen: Hiwatari, Satoshi
We sit around the kitchen table, waiting for the clock to tick to the right number. Twelve o'clock and the calendar will reset itself again. Twelve o'clock and things can finally change. New Years.
Each of us holds a small cup of champagne to celebrate that still remain untouched. Not many words have went throughout the house lately. Not many people have spoken. Other than the twins spending time together in rooms, we mostly stay separate. But tonight, because it is so big, a silent agreement to come together unfolds.
I don't know what the new year will hold, whether it could be good or bad, I just hope it will be better than this year. For everyone.
With three minutes to go, Daisuke taps his fingers against the table, patiently holding in the applause until the right moment. New Years is supposed to be about celebration, about starting over and finding yourself again. As Daisuke and I meet each others gaze I know I've found the thing I want the most this year. I smile slowly and he returns it before looking down again with a funny red glow.
I'm not sure what exactly happened with Niwa that night. Whether he came to some great realization or not is still a mystery. I just know in that moment we both shared our tears until the fire died out, clutching the only other living thing we could find. When the sky fell too dark to see outside, we stumbled into our separate bedrooms and stayed there, not saying a thing.
He looked so shocked, so scared that something was happening inside of him. I didn't know if it was what I thought or not, but I was too frightened to ask. I could hardly touch him, hardly say anything to make it any better. The usual between us.
5...4...3...2...1! Happy New Year!
The twins jump out of their seats and hug each other close, shouting cheers and "Happy New Year!" until they giggle so much they fall back into each others arms anyway. Riku pulls Daisuke into a hug and kisses him gently on the cheek, sending my stomach into a whirlpool. But as I glance at the two, I only see Daisuke looking back at me.
Carefully, Risa makes her way over to my spot and smiles calmly. "Happy New Year Hiwatari-senpai." She leans down and hugs me with one arm. She stays there for a split second and backs away, finding her sister again.
"It's a new year Satoshi! So many things can happen now." Daisuke sounds so calm, so sure, so unlike himself. I wasn't expecting this celebration from him at all. He blankets me in a firm hug and whispers hurriedly, "I don't know what's going on Satoshi. I don't know what to do."
The sisters seem caught up in their own world as we slip out the door. Beyond the house, the stars shine brightly, lighting up the porch completely. It's like a million tiny worlds stare down at us from the stars. A million other Daisukes and Satoshi's living a million different lives.
Daisuke leans against the railing, holding it until his knuckles turn white. Taking a deep breath, I close the door against the twins laughter and make my way over to him.
"It's a new year Satoshi! So many things can happen now."
I hesitate but place my hand on his, closing the boundaries that have been here for so long. Unexpectedly he flips his over and intertwines our fingers. For a while I just stare at the difference between them. He looks so small, so innocent, but his hands are strong. I've never noticed them before. Beside his, mine look like a child's. In a way, I kind of like this. The way my fingers fit directly between his without any gaps. The way his skin is so soft against mine I almost forget where I am.
"It's all changing isn't it? Things aren't going to stay the same forever." He stars at the sky, not blinking for a moment just in case he misses something. The words pour out from him like he's dreaming, like he's gone over this all in another lifetime.
"It is. But maybe that's not a bad thing at all." Niwa twists his head to the side and leans it almost against his shoulder, just like always. Some things never change.
I don't notice our bodies moving closer, the chemistry changing in the air or the way Daisuke shuts his eyes before we meet until it's already happening. Everything is different this time. His lips don't taste like sticky lip-gloss and the moment isn't pressured by the eyes of everyone else.
This is us. This is what I have always dreamed about, wishing it could only come true. This is the one I love finally getting the chance to love me back. I count the seconds we remain together like they are the most precious thing in my life. Maybe because they really are.
-Oh Master. We're almost there.-
Every cell inside my body screams into the night but I can't hear a thing as Daisuke looks up at me from the collar of my shirt. His eyes are wide and alert and his free hand is tangled into the material covering my chest. Gravity shifts us back into place, practically slamming us into the wood of the deck.
Our hands stay together on the railing and I touch his cheek lightly, feeling the heat rising underneath the surface. The moon highlights his cheeks, his nose, every small detail of his face. I take them all in happily, memorizing this scene for a day when I might need it.
Someone asks where we are from inside and we part, only holding a gaze between the two of us. Niwa goes back inside to assure them we're alright, but I stay outside, just breathing in the sweetness of our kiss still hanging in the air.
How can I be this lucky, if only for a moment? I'm scared to see what will bring my reality crashing down again. I sigh and place my head into my crossed arms, looking out into the water. Someday this will all be a memory. Someday I can tell the story of how a new year can bring a million stars down to find you.
"Hiwatari?" I turn around to find Risa in the doorway once again. Her face looks curious and aware, not nearly as beautiful as his was. "I wanted to say Happy New Year again. And that I'm sorry if I upset you the other night. That wasn't what I was trying to do at all."
Usually this would have annoyed me, or even upset me a little. But in this moment I didn't care how much she babbled on. I let her talk for a while, watching her move closer and closer with each word. She was feeling brave now because I wasn't moving away like usual.
"Hiwatari? Could I-could I kiss you?" The question caught me off guard and before I could say anything she pressed her mouth against mine and pulled away quickly. "I'm sorry! I just had to know what it would be like."
"It's okay. But Risa, I don't like you. Not like that." I could feel the sting of my words like a slap against her skin, but it had to be done. It would only hurt her more to think that she had any hint of chance left. She begins to cry a little but that's what I was expecting from the beginning.
"Oh." She mutters this tiny word and takes off back into the house, hand over mouth in an attempt to keep in the sobs.
I still smile to myself. Girls can be so dumb.