Adam was proud of his work. Kim warned him not to make a big deal of it but there was no way she could stop him. He was a law unto himself. His argument was that it was rare that such an opportunity dropped in his lap so to speak and it just wouldn't be right not to make the most of it. "They'll be disappointed if I don't"

"Somehow I don't think they will be disappointed."

"Pfft." He scoffed.

"Just remember Lola please. She's got ears like a bat and remembers everything. Mae's a bit of a parrot too. Please tone it down."

"Yeah Yeah." Adam waved his had dismissively. "I'll be kind."

"This is not being kind Adam."

"I am offering support. In more ways than one." He laughed, a little manically as he disappeared outside and Kim just sighed. Apart from drugging him or hitting him over the head with a brick there was no way she could stop him.

Adam had a plan though and he was going to lull them into a false sense of security.

"Where's Dad? Outside?" Polly was close to having an anxiety attack. Sam seemed calm, but then compared to Polly he was. Even Lola had looked at her Mom funny and asked if she was okay before they left the house.

"Of course." Lola was hanging close to her Mom, she hugged MiMi and Mae had shot out the back door to see her Pops. Sam was changing Alfie, who had decided to drop the motherload on the way over, much to his sister's disgust. Usually he would do whatever it took to get out of changing Alfie but he was stalling for time and Polly had teased him about it. They were both on edge.

"Pops, I here."

"Hey, hey my Monkey." He swung her up in the air. "How are you? Did you come alone? Did you drive?"

"No, silly old man." Why was he not surprised she came out with that? The things these kids heard would make a man blush some days but they were awesome and he roared with laughter.

"Where's my Lola Bear?"

Mae just shrugged. Truth be told Mae didn't care either. She had Pops attention and that's all that mattered to her. Sharing her humans with the other two seriously annoyed her some days. Mae had attitude and swagger lately. Lola was much more chilled out., she worried more and was freaked out by Mae's bold personality and belief that rules were meant to be bent or broken.

"Where's Alfie?"

"He shat. He smell." Mae screwed up her nose. "Yucky boy."

"Yes, yes they are. Just you remember that when you are a teenager." Adam warned her. "Your Daddy was a yucky boy."

"No, he Daddy. Love Daddy."

"Yes, yes you do."

Adam completely freaked Sam out by not saying one damn word. This was worse than the time he came for dinner knowing that they had found out that he was having sex with Polly. They were teenagers then and he thought he was going to die that night.

He leant over to Polly and whispered., which made Polly laugh. Adam knew he was getting to him. "He's fucking screwing with my mind."

"It's weird, hey?" She agreed; Adam was saying nothing. Kim knew what he was doing and just sat back and watched it unfold. It was slow and painful and the longer Adam said nothing the more Sam started to fidget.

Sam had bought Alfie out and Adam had whipped him out of his Dad's arms and told Sam to grab him a beer. Gus arrived and he still said nothing despite having the floor. Lola and Mae put on a show, which quickly descended into chaos because Mae had little regard for Lola's instructions. Lola had spent all weekend teaching her the dance moves but that all went out the window once the music started and Mae got carried away. "Mabel." Lola huffed. "Just stop." She turned the music off angrily. "Why won't she do what she's told?" She whined at her mother.

"Because she not even three yet." Polly tried to explain it to her again. Lola had high expectations for Mae and was always disappointed that she never met them. "That's who she is. She's still learning, be patient."

"She needs to hurry up and grow up. I don't have time for this." Lola was so dramatic. She flung herself onto the couch and buried her head into her knees. Polly tried to comfort her but she was having none of it. Mae ruined everything according to their wailing five-year-old.

Adam nipped inside and came out with some pre-dinner snacks. He set it on the table and reached for the breadsticks. "You'll love these." He snapped one in half and smiled wickedly. Sam sighed; he knew it was coming.

When they went inside for dinner Adam pulled out a ring cushion for Sam to sit on. "Apparently it's good for haemorrhoids and childbirth injuries and…" he tossed it at Sam. "…other things."

"Did you get this after your last old man prostrate check?"

"Smart Ass."

"I bet your ass was smarting." Sam mumbled under his breath and Polly slapped his leg under the table. It wasn't so much he was baiting Adam but Lola and Mae were listening to every word. They loved Sunday night dinners and Lola, especially bought things up weeks later.

"Not as much as your…."

"Adam." Kim hissed. "Don't you dare. Not another word."

Adam sat quietly and ate his dinner for a moment. Gus, however was his father's son and was more than happy to keep it going. "On a scale of one to ten, what kind of pain are we talking about?"

"Forty-five."

"Really?" He had to admit, even though he laughed when he heard what happened he also cringed because it sounded terrible. He couldn't imagine how much it hurt, just a quick tap to the nuts bought him to his knees. It wouldn't be a Ruzek Circus though if he showed any sympathy to his brother-in-law at the dinner table.

"Really. Absolute agony. Giving birth looked less painful."

Polly was completely unimpressed and after that comment it was open slather as far as she was concerned. "Yes, because watching me give birth hurt you so much."

"At least you got something nice out of it."

"Lucky for you." Polly snipped. "Lucky you have three now, the factory is closed, might as well board it up."

"Good idea." Adam never really got the hang of being okay with his daughter's sex life, even though she was an adult and he adored his three grandchildren. "Can they like…stitch it shut?"

"Dad." Polly gasped and Sam just shook his head. Kim sighed, he was out of control but she hadn't been able to control him for more than thirty years, there was little point trying. "Can you not?"

"Too far Dad, too far." Gus had to agree, that was a visual he didn't need. Adam held up his hand and admitted guilt, they were right, that was a bridge too far.

"Anyway…" he jumped up from the table when the girls had finished their dinner. "Pops made you something special." He disappeared into the kitchen and came back with their surprise. Lola and Mae clapped their hands. "Rice Crispy slice." He held out the plate and they took a piece each. "With a surprise."

Offering the plate to Sam he added. "You'll love 'em. A bit of snap, crackle with a surprise pop."

"Very fucking funny." He spat out between gritted teeth. Polly snorted and Sam glared at her and it made her toes curl. She did feel sorry for him; it had been a mortifying experience for them both but there was no way he was ever going to get away without being teased for it. They just had to get it over and done with.

"Ooooo…Daddy." Mae knew that was a bad word.

"It's got popping candy in it." Lola cheered. She loved popping candy. Mae was a bit shocked by it and actually cried.

"Well done Adam." Kim wasn't happy that he had made his granddaughter cry. She helped Mae up onto her lap. "Are you done?"

"Almost." He smiled wickedly. "I bought Sam a get well present." That perked Mae up, she did love a present. "Monkey, come with me."

"Can you not drag my daughter into your insanity." Polly was forever trying to rein her Dad in while Sam just sat and resigned himself to his fate.

"Surprise Daddy." Mae produced it with a flourish. Usually Lola was all up in this but she was too busy trying to pick all the popping candy out of Mae's discarded treat. She'd find a bit, pop it in her mouth and giggle as it popped. It was cute to watch but they did worry about her sugar levels.

Reluctantly Sam opened it, with Mae's chubby little fingers helping. "Oh, just what I wanted." His sarcastic tone was only missed by Mae, who just didn't care, she had opened a present and Lola who was disappointed that she couldn't have another piece. She was negotiating with Gus to try and get him to have a piece of slice so she could 'help' him and by 'help' it meant pick out the good bits.

Mae's excitement soon turned to disappointment when she realised it wasn't for her. She had no idea what it was but it wasn't a toy so it lost her interest pretty quickly. Sam held up the 'male support garment' that Adam had bought him with two fingers and Adam roared with laughter, he was happy with his work but he was the only one.

"I thought it would come in handy."

"That's what you spent hours trawling the internet for." Kim couldn't believe it. "You are a waste of space."

"Harsh Darlin'." Adam stopped laughing. "I was just making sure Sam is adequately supported during his recovery. Despite what you think, I was worried about him."

"No, you were just worried about making sure you got all the mileage out of this that you could."

"Well that too."

"What is it Daddy?" Lola finally joined the party, if you could call it that.

"Pops is just being silly."

"Pops is always silly. What is it?"

"It's to help Daddy with his sore bits."

Lola contemplated that for a moment. "Mommy had to watch Daddy do a wee to make sure he was better. I wanted to help but Daddy said no."

"Thank you Charlotte." Sam was beaten. He just wanted this over. Luckily Alfie decided it was time to wake up for a feed and rather than feed him here Sam insisted that they take him home and get him straight into bed afterwards. Polly laughed at the speed at which he packed them up and got them in the car. Adam handed him his cushion and Sam told him to keep it for the next time he got a finger up his date. He had started the car before Polly had finished strapping Alfie in.

"In a rush Babe?"

"Your Dad is a pain in the ass." Polly reminded him that if Adam didn't like him he wouldn't have even bothered to tease him. Which was easy for Polly to say, she wasn't the one with the broken dick, a story that was only going to become more and more elaborate as the years went on.

"Daddy, that's not nice." Lola admonished him while Mae was busy teasing Alfie with his pacifier. She would put it in his mouth and then snatch it back which was pissing him off. He really would have preferred a feed right about now and wasn't enjoying the trip home.

"Mabel. Stop it. Give him his pacifier." Sam snapped. He had been watching her in the mirror and Mae promptly burst into tears. "I don't know why I married into your circus." He whined. Mae was crying and it was annoying Lola, who liked to tell them she was annoying and Alfie was carrying on like his throat had been cut and he hadn't been fed in days.

"Because once upon a time your penis actually worked."

"Shut up Polly." He looked at her from the corner of his eye and she was smiling. "I love you."

"Yeah, yeah. So you say."

"Do you love us Daddy?" Lola asked suddenly, which made them chuckle. They wondered how much of this night she was going to remember and drag out at an inopportune time somewhere in the near future.

"Yes Lola, yes I do."

"Hmmm, that's good."

Well Sam survived dinner, not sure what's next for our hapless crew. Maybe a little bit of kid chaos.