Thursday 15th December, 7:19 PM - The school hall.
Wow. If someone put physics equations, every romantic comedy film in existence and all the nature documentaries on the Discovery Channel (except the ones with David Attenborough because that guy's amazing) in a blender, the result would only be about half as boring as this recital. Why can't they play something exciting, like those orchestras on YouTube that do film soundtracks and stuff? Or even Christmas carols. I could get behind some good Christmas carols. But right now they're playing something the programme booklet says is called 'House of the Rising Sun' and it sounds like a military parade just had one giant collective seizure. Oh yeah, they have a programme booklet. It has little photos and biographies of all the people in the orchestra. Roderich's is hilarious. Apparently my cousin is a 'passionately talented pianist who has been composing his own music since the age of ten and dreams of one day playing for the Vienna Philharmonic'. How can you even be 'passionately talented' anyway? Be passionate about being talented? Talented at being passionate?
Never mind. Lizzie's just started giving me evil looks for writing in my journal during the performance. I'll add more later if anything worth bothering about comes out of this whole pointless evening.
Thursday 15th December, 11:10 PM - NONE OF THIS MAKES SENSE
WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED.
I CAN'T BREATHE.
THERE IS A FIFTY-FIFTY CHANCE THAT ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT EVENTS OF MY LIFE JUST TOOK PLACE AND I HAVE NO WAY OF KNOWING IF IT DID OR NOT.
Okay. Okay okay okay.
Let me explain.
The first half of the concert went on for forty minutes, after which I was at least rewarded for my patience with cake wrapped in a napkin and orange juice in a little plastic cup. But, of course, I only had a few minutes of peace and quiet before Roderich came to find us.
"Elizabeta," he said, giving her a hug. I forgot he always calls her that. He says it's more beautiful, which is bullshit because it doesn't suit her at all so whether or not it's beautiful is beside the point. "Gilbert." He held his hand out to me and I shook it, because being a responsible adult involves learning to be cordial even with people who you strongly dislike and who have their other arm around the waist of the girl of your dreams. "I'm really glad you came."
"It was our pleasure," said Lizzie. "Wasn't it, Gil?"
"Oh yeah," I said, picking up another piece of cake from the table behind me. He still had his arm around her waist. "Our pleasure. Totally. Great concert so far, Roddy."
"Thanks." Arm waist arm waist arm waist stop it. "Where's Feliks? Isn't he your photographer?"
"He couldn't make it," she said.
Yeah. Couldn't make it. More like decided that the possibility of Lizzie letting me touch his camera was preferable to having to sit through an hour and a half of orchestra club recital.
Lizzie moved towards the table to get herself a drink, finally disentangling herself from Roderich. "Pity," he said to her back, "but thank you for coming, anyway. And you too, Gil. I know this isn't really your thing. I appreciate it."
I hate it when people I don't like are nice to me. But even more than that, something about this whole situation was pinching at me just under the surface. It was in the stilted conversation, the way she had moved away from him, and now I was almost sure they were avoiding each other's eyes. Was I just imagining things or were Lizzie and Roderich being strangely awkward with each other?
My train of thought was interrupted by Vash Zwingli, the unnervingly intense older brother of Headmaster Rome's favourite messenger. "Roderich," he said gruffly, "I'm taking Lili home. Thought I should tell you."
"What? Why? Without her the flute section will be only-"
"She has a bad headache and you can't be too careful with these things. I'm going to run her a bath, put her to bed and see how she is in the morning. You'll just have to make do without her."
And then he was gone, leaving Roderich staring forlornly after him.
"I'll be okay," said Lizzie. "The flute section was fine. I'm sure they can afford to lose one person."
He shook his head. "No, I know. It's not just that. He... he was my ride."
As I tried to get over the shock of Roderich using a phrase that modern without putting it into verbal inverted commas, she patted him on the arm and said, "Don't worry about it. I'll drive you home."
Did I mention that Lizzie has a car? Because Lizzie totally has a car. She and Tony are the only friends of mine who have one. Technically I have my licence, but Ludwig and I have to save up and buy our own (to 'teach us the value of a vehicle so we don't go around driving like lunatics') and Francis got his taken away after he had a mind blank and filled it with diesel by accident. The Carriedos are super-rich so Tony got a brand new Renault for his seventeenth birthday, but Lizzie's is a hand-me-down from her mum. She doesn't mind, though. It's a cute little blue Nissan with a petrol gauge that's always wrong and a CD player with half a Best of Queen disc broken off inside, which she claims 'gives it character'.
The 'cute and tiny' thing wasn't doing it for me, however, after the second half of the recital finally ground to a halt and I was forced into the back seat. The footwell was too small for my legs and the headrest refused to move up further than the back of my neck. When I have enough money for a car, I've decided, I'm going to buy myself a tank, and then if anyone insists on manufacturing cars for freaking Hobbits I can run them over and no-one will ever again have to experience the discomfort I experienced this evening.
We didn't speak much on the way to Roderich's house. Occasionally Lizzie would ask a question about the concert and he would answer it, and then there would be silence again. The rear view mirror was angled in a way that let me watch Lizzie's experssion as it got more and more distressed the longer the journey stretched on. It only took ten minutes but it felt like at least an hour. And there wasn't even any traffic.
Finally, Lizzie turned onto his road. Then she pulled up to the curb next to his driveway, turned in her seat to look at him and said, "Roderich, what are we doing?"
I culdn't see his face, but his voice sounded surprised. "I don't know what you-"
"Yes you do. You've got to have noticed. Nothing's been the same since you got back."
"I... yes, of course I've noticed."
"We could barely speak to each other tonight. We can't go on like this, I can't take it. We have to do something."
"Like what? There's a new Indian restaurant that opened last week if you want to-"
"No, I don't want to go to a restaurant. I want to sort this out now."
And then they proceeded to do just that. Neither of them seemed to remember that I was still there, sitting trapped in the back seat with no means of escape unless Roderich got out and pulled the little lever to fold his seat forwards so I could clamber out. I wouldn't have minded so much if it was a conversation I could take part in, but it seemed like all they were doing was explaining their feelings in great detail and I didn't think they'd appreciate my input. I tried to pay attention because these were Lizzie's feelings and Lizzie's feelings are important to me, but after twenty minutes or so the conversation all began to blur together and the car was getting very dark.
The next thing I was aware of was Lizzie shaking me awake. Yes, I know, I fell asleep. In my defence, the time meant they must've been talking for at least two hours. But that's not important. What's important was that her eyes were red and puffy and her cheeks were stained with tear tracks, but she was smiling. Not like grimace-smiling either. Proper, relieved, happy smiling, with her eyes still all damp and bloodshot. "Gil," she said quietly. "Gil, wake up. We're at your house."
I blinked hard as the world began to swim back into focus. "We... we are?"
She nodded. "I'm really sorry about all that. It must've been so awkward for you to have to sit through it all. But I think..." She paused to wipe fresh tears away with the back of her hand. "I think everything's going to be alright now."
But before I could ask her to clarify what she meant by this, she had given me another quick hug, climbed into the front seat of the car and reversed back down the driveway. I watched her go, my mouth still forming the shapes of words I wasn't even sure I understood.
Mum and dad were waiting for me when I got back inside. For a moment I thought they were going to shout at me for coming home too late, but then mum said, "Gil. We got a call from your headmaster this afternoon."
It says a lot about the seriousness of the situation that I'd forgotten all about the Gakuen High Official Christmas Party. "Oh yeah?"
"He told us about how successful you've been as editor-in-chief of the school newspaper," my dad continued. "He also said that he didn't think you deserved to be grounded, but I won't ask you where he got that from."
"And what do you say?" I didn't have the mindspace to come up with anything more intelligent than that; I had my mobile out and was texting Lizzie behind my back.
"We thought about it," said mum, "and it's true that you have been acting much more responsibly lately. Like volunteering to write an article on Roderich's orchestra recital. That was very mature of you."
"Ludwig assures us you've been taking it very seriously," added dad. "We're proud of you, Gil. That's why we're letting you off early. You're no longer grounded."
'r u ok? wat did u mean b4? r u + Roddy still 2gethr?' Sent. "Sorry, what?"
"I said you aren't grounded any more. You can go to that Christmas thing you're so excited about."
"Really? Thank you!" I was happy, honestly. I just had bigger things on my mind. "I won't let you down, I promise." I hugged both of them, then turned and ran up the staire to my bedroom without another word. And then we reach the present.
So my question is: WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!
Oh my God. Lizzie's reply just came through.
'dont worry - im fine. c u 2moro.'
THAT IS NOT HELPFUL.
Calm down. I should just forget all this and go to sleep, then it'll be morning and I can ask her properly. Yes. Sleep sounds good right now. I'll write more tomorrow when things are clearer.
Thursday 15th December, 11:49 PM - My room.
I can't sleep. I keep going back over everything in my head, trying to work out what it all means. Lizzie and Roderich were going through a rough patch, that much was glaringly obvious. And something had changed while I was asleep. Something important. Did they fix everything and start fresh? That would explain the smiling. Or did they call it off? Because she was crying too! This is impossible! Who the hell smiles and cries at the same time? Why did I have to sleep through it?
Gil. You're being ridiculous. Go to sleep. Everything will be better in the morning.
Friday 16th December, 12:25 AM - Still my room.
Okay, here's my theory:
Lizzie and Roderich decided to take a break. That's the only way to explain it. They're going to give each other some space and then start again feeling refreshed and ready to start over. Lizzie was crying because they kinda-sorta broke up but smiling because they're going to get back together.
Wait. If they're taking a break then why did she say 'everything's going to be alright now'? Wouldn't she say 'everything's going to be alright when we get back together'?
Damn it.
Friday 16th December, 1:36 AM - Narnia. Nah just kidding, it's my room again.
I hate everything.
Why did I have to fall asleep? Why does Lizzie have to be so freaking cryptic? Why do I have to care so much?
I just had an idea. I'll go and ask Ludwig! He's oddly knowledgeable about this sort of thing, or at least he has a way of working it out that's reassuringly logical.
Friday 16th December, 2:07 AM - The upstairs corridor.
Never mind. That didn't work. He was asleep, and when I shook him awake on the expression on my face must have been really urgent because he thought there was a fire or something. So then I tried explaining my situation to him and he was really unimpressed after the whole imminent fiery death thing. He just listened to me talk then said, "Gil, it's two o'clock in the morning. Go to sleep."
I tried to tell him that I couldn't and didn't he see how important this was, but he'd already rolled over and pulled the duvet back up over his head. So no luck there.
Maybe he's right. Maybe I should try to sleep. I could play music or something. Or listen to the calming sound of raindrops on the roof. I could try meditation. I've always wanted to try meditation.
See you in the morning.
Friday 16th December, 3:00 AM - My bed.
You know what I've decided?
I don't care.
Lizzie and Roderich can do whatever they like. It won't affect me. I've been letting my emotions get out of control again, but that stops here. Lizzie and Roderich = outside stimuli. And I'm up worrying about them at three AM. That's ridiculous. Come on, Gil. Get a grip.
My emotions have been moderated. I truly no longer care one way or the other. Good night.
Friday 16th December, 3:38 AM - I LOVE ELIZABETA HÉDERVÁRY
I CARE OKAY I REALLY REALLY CARE AND THIS WHOLE EMOTIONAL ZEN STUFF IS BULLSHIT BECAUSE I AM IN LOVE WITH ELIZABETA HÉDERVÁRY AND I THINK I ALWAYS HAVE BEEN AND SHE'D BETTER HAVE BROKEN UP WITH RODERICH BECAUSE HE DOESN'T DESERVE HER AND NEITHER DO I BECAUSE LET'S FACE IT I'M NOT ACTUALLY THAT AWESOME IN FACT I REALLY SUCK SOMETIMES BUT I LOVE HER MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD BECAUSE IF SOMEONE ELSE LOVED HER MORE THAN THIS THEY WOULD'VE EXPLODED BY NOW IT PHYSICALLY HURTS HOW MUCH I LOVE HER AND I WOULD TRY MY ABSOLUTE BEST TO TREAT HER LIKE A PRINCESS AND I'D TELL HER I LOVE HER EVERY DAY AND BUY HER PRESENTS AND MARRY HER AND SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH HER BECAUSE DAMN IT I'M NEVER GOING TO FORGET HER SHE IS THE MOST AWESOME THING THAT WILL EVER BE IN MY LIFE AND I COULD NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF IF I LET HER GO.
Friday 16th December, 4:17 AM - My room.
It's alright. I'm okay now. I spent about half an hour pacing my room and hyperventilating, but then I took some deep breaths and went downstairs to make hot chocolate. I had to be really careful because my parents have been woken up by noises in the kitchen before and I have a feeling that my un-grounding is still pretty shaky, but now I have a big, warm mug of hot chocolate and it's making me feel much calmer.
Should I text Lizzie again? She might still be awake. If I phrased my question clearly enough and demanded answers she might put me out of my misery. 'r u awake? wat did u mean by-'
No. Who am I kidding? Of course she's asleep. And it wouldn't be very awesome to give her evidence that I've been up obsessing about her at four o'clock in the morning.
So I can't text Lizzie and I can't ask Ludwig. Even Gilbird is asleep now. That makes a total of zero possible solutions at the present time. All I can do is drink my hot chocolate, relax, and try to get a couple of hours' sleep before I have to start getting ready for school.
A Modern-Day Guide to Taiwanese Fashion
by Mei Lin
Hi everyone! Now I've covered the basics of how to put together a winter wardrobe, I've decided to start a running series on world fashion! We're starting this week with my home country, Taiwan.
Taiwanese fashion is famous worldwide for holding tight to its traditional roots while at the same time embracing the modern era. Taiwan has undergone three major changes in style in the past half-century and understanding these is essential to understanding how Taiwanese wardrobes work today. The first change was from 1895 to 1919, when Japan, the colonial ruler at the time, wanted everyone to start acting more western. The Taiwanese were allowed to keep wearing traditional clothes if they wanted to, but western style was the hot new thing. Men's fashion westernised quickly while women's took longer - we didn't want to give up all our patterned silks and accessories. The second change took place from 1919 to 1936. To put it simply: we started copying Shanghai and wearing Chinese stuff. Japan did not like this. They started changing all the school uniforms and teaching kids how to make clothes western-style. But are you going to keep wearing your uniform after you graduate? Didn't think so. Cheongsams for the win. So then from 1936 they basically just threw down the towel and went 'you know what? You're all just going to have to wear kimonos.' But we were at war then and kimonos aren't exactly the best thing to fight in, especially when money's short, and when the Japanese were kicked out we all just went back to wearing normal jackets and trousers anyway.
And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. Taiwanese fashion looks towards the future and we have some really amazing contemporary fashion designers, but after having our own sense of style dictated for us for so many years our traditional clothes are still important to us. If you ever get to go shopping in Taipei, look for our unique blend of modern sophistication and timeless elegance.
OMFG THE THOT PLICKENS FROM HERE ON IN PEOPLE SO HOLD ON TIGHT OKAY.