Chapter 14
August 11th, 1975
Jack was on the road travelling to Texas, Bobby in the seat beside him. He was looking forward to spending time with his grandparents, having not seen them for so long, and Jack had to admit that they had always been good to him.
He hated being away from Ennis; they had spent every day of the last two months together, and were getting used to spending so much time with each other. Things had been a little awkward at first, both of them unsure of how to act in typical day-to-day situations, but they had adjusted fairly well, he thought. He loved Ennis and knew that they both wanted to make this work. So far, it was far better than anything he'd imagined.
Ennis had changed since they'd moved in together; he was more affectionate, didn't lose his temper so much, and was generally a lot calmer than Jack had expected. For one thing, he hadn't freaked out about their children knowing the truth. Jack had honestly thought that they would have to sneak around in their own home, something which he would hate. He was very thankful that this wasn't the case.
"You lookin' forward to bein' back?" he asked his son, who was reading a book. Bobby looked up and nodded.
"Yeah. Been a while...I miss 'em."
Jack sighed. "I know, bud. But I wanted to wait to take you down there until things were settled up here. Didn't wanna mess you about."
"I know you don't like Grandpa, Daddy," Bobby told him, looking wise beyond his years. "He was always bein' mean to you, even when mama told him not to." Jack smiled.
"She was really somethin', yer mama. Didn't take no rubbish from folks. Probably what made her so good at the business." He looked at his son. "I do miss yer mama, Bobby. I didn't love her like I love Ennis, but she was my friend. An' I wish she was still alive 'cos I think she'd be alright about me an' him."
"You think so?" Bobby asked, and Jack nodded. He was pretty sure about that; Lureen had always been the practical type, and never very emotional. She would have been hurt by his deception, as would any wife, but Jack figured that she wouldn't have hated him. She'd been smart enough to know that it wasn't because of her that he was gay; that there was nothing wrong with her as a woman. She would have known that it was simply who Jack was.
"I do, Bobby. Look...I know I hurt her by lyin' to her, even if she never knew 'bout me an' Ennis. In those first few years after me an' Ennis found each other again...I missed a lot of stuff. Yer first steps, yer first words...an' you gotta know how sorry I am fer that." Jack knew, deep down, that he could never tell Bobby that he'd never wanted kids. Even though he'd had good reason for that, (fearing that he would turn into his father) it would still hurt his son to know it. He might start thinking that Jack didn't love him, which was completely untrue.
"I know, Daddy," Bobby told him, taking his free hand. Jack smiled at how his son was just like him. He did that with Ennis when he was trying to reassure him. "Yer here now, an' Ennis is too."
"You like Ennis, right?" Jack asked, wondering how their kids really felt. Bobby nodded.
"Yeah, he's really nice. An'...I know you look real happy when yer with him. Me an' Junior an' Jenny are all happy we're together."
Jack was relieved that their kids had bonded, and that they were becoming a family. "Good. 'Cos you know...if they ever let guys like us get married, me an' Ennis are gonna do it. Would you be okay with that?"
Bobby shrugged. "Sure. He's a nice guy." The answer was so simple that Jack wished the reality could be. He would love for himself and Ennis to solidify their commitment to one another, showing the hatemongers that nothing could take away what they had. He would never stop hoping that one day, they could show people that this was real.
The two of them drove onwards, heading south for Childress and wondering what kind of reception they were going to get. Jack knew that L.D. and Faye would be very happy to see Bobby, but he knew that they didn't like him too much. He, after all, was the dirt poor rodeo rider who had caught their daughter's eye, when she could have had any man she wanted. Jack didn't doubt that she'd had more than a few riders in her time before they'd met; she was a rodeo queen and everybody had loved her. He wished that he'd let her go when he'd known that their marriage was a mistake; she could have found someone who would love her. But with nowhere else to go and thinking that Ennis would always be too scared to try for a life together, he had stuck it out and ended up very miserable.
But he couldn't think about the past now; it was all over with and dwelling on it wouldn't do him any good. He had the family he'd always wanted, and he had to focus on that.
They arrived in Childress in the early evening, and Faye opened the door with a smile on her face. Jack knew that she was glad to have a moment to herself with Bobby without L.D. barging in. "Evenin', Jack. How's my grandson?" She gave him a hug and Jack caught the smile on his son's face.
"I'm good, Grandma. Where's Grandpa?"
"He's just finishin' up at work, honey. He'll be home soon." She straightened up and offered her hand. "Thanks, Jack. I know L.D. don't like you, but...this means a lot."
"No problem," he replied, nodding and shaking her hand. "I'll be back on Friday, then. Bye, bud," he said to his son, hugging him and kissing the top of his head. "Be good for 'em, an' I'll see ya on Friday."
"Bye, Daddy," Bobby replied before following Faye inside. Jack hoped with all his heart that this would go well.
While Jack was busy taking Bobby down to Texas, Ennis decided to have a barbeque with the girls on the back lawn. They hadn't done that much whilst living at the apartment; for one thing, he worked for most of the day in an effort to avoid Alma as much as possible. For another, living above a Laundromat had meant confined spaces, and they'd had no room for outdoor meals.
He was determined to give the girls the kind of childhood they deserved, as much as he could now that he and Jack were together. He was a lot happier now and he knew that they saw it.
"Daddy?" Junior asked as they set the plates on a picnic table they'd found in town. Jack had bought it, saying that they might want to eat outside sometime and enjoy the summer. Ennis didn't like having a meal without Jack, but he knew that his partner wouldn't be back until the early hours of the morning.
"Yeah, Junior?" he asked, keeping an eye on the burgers.
"We goin' to get registered at school sometime?" she asked. She wanted to be as prepared as possible for this new place, and he felt proud of her. He hadn't had much of an education, and wanted the best for her.
"Yeah, darlin'. We're gonna take the three of you together an' get you sorted. Was thinkin' we'd do it next week. Plenty of time." Junior nodded and went back inside to get herself a drink. Ennis looked at Jenny and cleared his throat. "Jenny? Is yer sister okay?"
She looked at him and shrugged. "I think so. She misses her friends, I think. I told her she'd meet new ones, but..."
"Well, she will. All of you will when yer settled in," Ennis told her confidently. His girls and Bobby were so friendly that he had no doubt they would make friends easily.
"What 'bout Bobby? He has trouble readin', an'...what if they make fun of him?" She looked very worried about this, and he marvelled at how much the kids had bonded.
"C'mere, Jenny," he said to her, and he sat down by the barbeque, pulling her onto his lap like he did when she was younger. "I know Bobby has trouble, an' Jack talked to me 'bout it. He didn't have a tutor down in Texas...Bobby's mama didn't know he was strugglin'." He didn't like to speak ill of Lureen and tell Jenny that she had known, but hadn't wanted to admit it. He hadn't even known the woman; it was Jack's place to talk about her good points and bad points, not his. "Jack didn't wanna worry her, so he couldn't get Bobby a tutor."
"Are you gonna get him one?" she asked, looking up at him with those hazel eyes, so like her mother's. It was strange; Junior had Alma's hair but his eyes, and Jenny had his hair but Alma's eyes. He wondered how Jack felt about that.
"Yeah, we are. Soon as yer all registered, me an' Jack are gonna sort it out."
"I like Bobby, Daddy," she told him. "I always wanted a brother."
He smiled and kissed the top of her head. "Well...I love you an' yer sister. You know that. But I did always want a son, I guess. Kinda got one now. I know you two fight like cats an' dogs, but..." She giggled.
"Ain't that what brothers an' sisters do?" she asked, and he thought of his own siblings. Cecilia had always been kind to him, as his elder sister, but he would never have teased or fought with her. K.E., on the other hand...he was a different story. Their fights had been for real. He wondered what they would think of his living situation.
"Reckon they do, honey," he replied as Junior came back out with drinks. Ennis finished cooking the burgers and hotdogs and they sat down together, enjoying the warm evening and the quiet. Ennis liked living here; the place was full of nature and it was peaceful, just like Brokeback. Living in the apartment in Riverton had been claustrophobic and he'd been slowly choking from how miserable he was there. Jack had rescued him from all of that.
"Think Bobby's grandpa is gonna be mean to Jack?" Junior asked, looking thoughtful. Jack had told her and Jenny what L.D. could be like; just like his own father. Ennis wished he could tell her no, but he didn't like lying to his daughters.
"Probably. L.D. never liked Jack. Remember, Jack was real poor when he met Bobby's mama, an' she was from rich folks. They thought he wasn't good enough for her 'cos he came from ranch people. But she married him anyway an' her daddy really didn't like that. He didn't stop 'em, but...he made sure Jack knew what he thought of him. Even when Bobby was born, L.D. kinda pushed Jack outta the picture an' didn't even thank him for a grandson."
"He sounds horrible, Daddy," Jenny said, looking scandalised that anybody could be that cruel.
"I bet he is. But Jack can handle anythin' that gets thrown at him. He's got a thicker skin than people might think." That was true enough; he admired Jack for how strong he could be. Even when his father had said those awful things to him and knocked him down, Jack had gotten up and brushed himself off, carrying on regardless of it all. While Ennis was concerned for what L.D. might say to Jack, he knew that his partner would be okay.
Afterwards, the girls watched TV while Ennis did the dishes and thought about Jack. How on earth had someone like him managed to attract someone like Jack? Why had Jack been so drawn to him, some poor kid from Sage?
'Cos he was a poor kid from Lightnin' Flat, Ennis's mind told him. He probably saw some of himself in you, an' he was drawn to you.
Ennis wasn't sure of why Jack had chosen him, but all he had to do was ask.
Around two in the morning, Jack arrived home to find the house silent. He quietly parked the truck and entered the house, trying not to wake anyone. When he was about to climb the stairs, he saw that the kitchen light was on at the end of the hallway. Growing suspicious and ready to put up a fight with an infiltrator, he crept along the hall and opened the door.
He relaxed when he saw who it was. Ennis was sat at the table, fast asleep with his head in one hand, leaning on the table. Jack shook his head and sat down beside him, gently shaking him. "Ennis? Wake up, cowboy..."
Ennis stirred and opened his eyes, looking around blearily. "Huh...?" he asked groggily, and then his eyes fell on Jack; that beloved face he'd missed even though they hadn't been apart for twenty-four hours. "Jack..."
"Hey, bud," Jack said softly as Ennis rubbed his eyes of sleep. "Why ain't you in bed?"
"Hmm...just wanted to be awake when you got home," he answered, waking up now. He smiled at Jack. "Missed you..."
"I missed you too," Jack replied, leaning in to kiss him. Ennis had clearly had more than a few cigarettes, and Jack could taste beer too. He loved the masculine taste of his lover, always had, and they kissed lazily for several moments before coming up for air. "Mmm..."
"How'd it go?" Ennis asked, lacing their fingers together on the table. Jack sighed.
"Well...L.D. wasn't there when I arrived. Faye was, an' she met me at the door. Dropped Bobby off with her. Kinda glad I didn't see him, to be honest."
"Did you see Charlie?" Ennis asked, hoping that Jack had found a way to protect them if L.D. ever found out.
"I went by his place. I didn't wanna stay long 'cos I wanted to get back, but he told me he's been spyin' on L.D. as best he can. He also said he's been tryin' to learn Spanish, so he can talk to those Mexican workers. If L.D's mistreatin' 'em, he'll find out an' tell me."
"Glad you've got a friend back there, Jack," Ennis said, truly happy for that. They needed all the friends they could get.
"Well...Charlie's my friend now. Dunno if he would be if he found out the truth...he might be just like L.D. about that stuff."
"You don't know that, darlin'," Ennis told him, squeezing his hand. "Ain't you always tellin' me that not everybody's like our dads? We've gotta try an' keep calm. An' just hope that Bobby don't say nothin', even by accident. If he calls the girls his sisters, an' they ask why...it's gonna come out."
"I know," Jack replied, taking deep breaths so he wouldn't panic and go tearing back down to Childress before Bobby let anything slip. "Can't help worryin'."
Ennis thought for a moment, and then smiled. "Can I try an' distract you?" he asked, his meaning clear. Jack grinned at him.
"Thought you'd never ask, cowboy." They got up and switched off the lights, silently heading upstairs to their room.
A little later, Jack was on his back with Ennis moving inside him, keeping it slow and kissing every part of Jack he could reach. He moaned softly and his head fell to one side, inviting Ennis to his bare neck. Ennis made full use of this, kissing and biting gently at the exposed skin, the way he knew Jack liked. "Darlin'..."
"Ennis..." Jack breathed and wrapped his legs even tighter around his lover's back, trying to hitch himself upwards and give Ennis more access to him. Lying here in Ennis's arms naked made him completely vulnerable to the other man, and the thought had always aroused him. He was prepared to give himself over and was secure in the knowledge that he would be taken care of. Ennis could often be very gentle with him and those times were the best he'd ever known. "I love you..."
"Love you too," Ennis whispered into his ear, nuzzling him and making him buck. "Come on, darlin'...come fer me..."
Jack groaned and lifted his hips as he came, covering their stomachs with the sticky fluid. Neither of them cared right now if it glued them together for the rest of their lives. Ennis followed suit quickly after, shooting deep inside Jack and planting a part of himself within his lover. He knew now how sex was supposed to be; full of emotion and desire and trust. He and Jack had all of that every time they made love.
They collapsed together and Ennis pulled himself out, not wanting to hurt Jack. He knew that it became uncomfortable for both of them to stay inside while still recovering. He lay down on top of Jack, who welcomed the warm weight that he'd missed so much.
"Really missed you," he breathed. "How did we go on fer months without seein' each other?"
"Damned if I know," Ennis replied, feeling sleep catching up to him at long last; it was now almost three in the morning and they had a ranch that needed to be run. "Good to have you back, darlin'."
"Mmm...back home," Jack replied, liking the feeling. They had a home now, together, and everything was going so well for them. He sincerely hoped that L.D. wasn't about to throw a spanner in the works. They couldn't blame Bobby if anything was said; he was just a kid and probably didn't quite grasp just how dangerous it would be to tell someone. He trusted his grandparents and was bound to want to tell them about his new life.
It felt like a storm was coming their way, but as they lay there together and lost themselves to sleep, they knew that they could handle it just by sticking together. Love was a force of nature, and it had seen them through twelve years of misery and heartbreak. They had come out the other side and were stronger now.
The next day, Bobby was busy with a colouring book in front of the TV, completely oblivious to the kind of trouble his grandfather could cause Jack. The man himself was taking a day from work, stating that he wanted to spend time with his grandson. He had made no secret of the fact that he despised how Jack had simply taken Bobby out of the state so soon after Lureen's death. It wasn't like him to just turn tail like that without warning.
L.D. was very suspicious as to why Jack had moved away so abruptly like that. All those years he'd tried to bribe Jack into leaving, and Jack had always said no because he'd wanted to stay with his son. Now that Lureen was gone, it seemed to him that Jack hadn't been able to get away quickly enough. He wasn't sure what to make of it, but he had his suspicions about Jack. Maybe there was more to his story than first appeared; there were certainly some details that Jack had left out, and L.D. wanted to know what they were.
He entered the living room and sat down in his chair, groaning as he settled in. If Jack had been there, he would have been highly amused. "Hey, Bobby," L.D. called to his grandson, and Bobby looked up. "Come up here an' talk to yer granddad."
Bobby did so and sat on the arm of the chair, looking at him in the way children did. "Yeah, Grandpa?" He looked so trusting and so calm, thinking that his grandfather would never do anything bad.
"Wanted to ask you somethin', son. How's yer new life? Yer daddy said yer livin' up in Colorado, right?"
"Yep. Place is called Loveland. It's real nice. Maybe you could visit." L.D. doubted that it would ever happen; he wanted to avoid Jack as much as possible.
"Maybe, son. Now then...yer daddy says he's livin' with his half-brother, that right?"
Bobby nodded, remembering what his father and Ennis had told them. He didn't understand it, but he didn't want anyone hurting them, either. "Yeah. They met when they was nineteen an' have been goin' on fishin' trips all these years."
"That was his fishin' buddy?" L.D. asked, remembering all those times when Jack had disappeared to go off to Wyoming, often leaving Lureen to take care of Bobby on her own. She had been very frustrated by the whole thing, since Jack had never taken her anywhere. But he was always able to drop everything when his fishing buddy had time off work; that alone was enough to make L.D. suspicious of what Jack was really doing when he wasn't home.
"Yeah. When mama died an' Ennis's wife died, they decided to move in together an' help each other."
L.D. started growing suspicious. Never once in all the time he'd known Jack, had he mentioned a half-brother. As far as anybody here knew, Jack's only living relatives were his parents and some cousins. This didn't add up. "So...what's it like, livin' with 'em both?"
Bobby smiled. "It's great. They've got horses so we can go ridin', there's lots of land for me an' Ennis's daughters. I love it there."
"Glad to hear it, son. So is the house real big? Must be, with all those bedrooms for you."
Bobby shrugged. "Me an' Ennis's daughters each have our own room. Daddy an' Ennis share one."
L.D. blinked, hoping he'd heard correctly. The house had plenty of bedrooms for each of them to have one to themselves, yet Jack was sharing one with his supposed half-brother? That didn't make sense.
"Oh...so is it a big room, with two beds?" he asked, wondering where this was going.
"No. Just one bed, an' they share it," Bobby informed him, sadly unaware of the damage he was causing. "Daddy told me...they share 'cos they love each other, an' that's what grown-ups do when they love each other."
He's a goddamn queer, L.D. thought to himself, everything falling into place. Jack had lied, all the way throughout his marriage. If Jack had met this Ennis person when he was nineteen, before he'd met Lureen, then he had lied all along. And those fishing trips...they were a lie too. An excuse for Jack to meet up in secret with his lover. I can't believe this...he lied to my little girl. She spoke back to me when I said I didn't like him, she stuck up for him...an' this is how he thanks her. Runnin' off every few months to be with that...man.
"Oh. So yer daddy is in love with Ennis?"
Bobby nodded, and then looked scared. "Daddy told me not to tell," he said quietly. "Said that people will hurt 'em if we do. But I don't understand it...an' I wanted to tell you." He looked up. "You wouldn't hurt 'em, would you?"
L.D. bit back his initial response and shook his head. "'Course not, Bobby. I know you love yer daddy. I won't do nothin'."
"He wanted to love mama," Bobby continued, hoping to undo some the damage he'd done. "But he loved Ennis first an' didn't know what to do."
L.D. nodded and patted his back. "Alright, son. No need to panic, I ain't gonna do nothin'. You go on an' finish yer colourin'." Bobby did so and L.D. sat back, thinking. Jack had lied for twelve years, to his wife and son. He'd claimed to love Lureen, but had cheated on her with another man for their entire marriage. He had to be punished.
He knew he couldn't outright hurt Jack, or the police would have him. But he could do something else, something to destroy what Jack and his lover were doing. There was one thing he knew; he had to ask Jack if it was true. He wanted Jack to look him in the eye and tell him that it was all true. Men like him deserved to be punished as far as L.D. was concerned, and Jack would be.
That night, Ennis and Jack were unaware of Bobby had accidentally done. They were busy wrapped up in each other, under the quilt of their bed and kissing heavily. Both were hopelessly aroused and trying to get closer to each other, yearning to connect and forget about all the troubles in their lives. All that mattered right now was each other.
Ennis rolled himself on top of Jack and started kissing his neck, knowing it drove him crazy. Jack bit his lip and tried not to moan too loudly. What came out instead could only be described as a whimper, and he bucked upwards.
"God...yer drivin' me crazy, Ennis..."
"Thought you was already there," Ennis replied, grinning as he continued to lavish attention on Jack's skin. This was the only time of day when he could really relax and just let himself go, allowing himself to appreciate Jack's body up close. "Mmm..."
Jack trembled. "Ennis...want you..."
"What do you want, rodeo?" Ennis whispered in his ear, seeing that Jack was becoming desperate for release. He could see it all in Jack's face.
"Want you inside me," he gasped, trying to pull Ennis down onto him. "Fuck me..."
Ennis couldn't tease anymore; he wanted it as much as Jack did. "Alright...but there's somethin' I wanna do first...before we do that."
"What?" Jack breathed, eyes half-closed. "What is it?"
"Wanna do that tongue thing, you know...back there." Ennis was sure that he was ready to do it, and Jack grinned breathlessly.
"I'm all yours..." Ennis flipped him over and he settled down, gripping the sheets and almost painfully hard. "Come on..."
Ennis moved down Jack's back with his mouth, dragging his tongue down the spine until he reached the entrance. Jack was leaking onto the sheets and shaking with pleasure, groaning into his hands when Ennis stuck his tongue inside. "Oh, fuck..." Ennis continued to probe with his tongue, getting used to the feeling and finding that he liked it. It wasn't as bad as he thought it might be; he was actually enjoying making Jack feel so good. Jack gasped. "Stop!"
"You want me inside you now?" Ennis asked softly, knowing why Jack had stopped him; he was very close. Jack nodded.
"Yeah...please..." Ennis heard the plea and stroked his back.
"Okay, darlin'..." He grabbed the lube and prepared himself, not wanting to cause any pain. When he was ready, he pulled Jack up to give him some breathing room and moved up close behind him, starting to push in.
Jack sighed as he got what he was yearning for, feeling complete as Ennis pushed inside him. "Oh...that's it..." Ennis moved in all the way and held Jack close, mouth near his ear.
"I love you," he whispered, feeling like he had everything he'd ever needed and wanted right here, in his arms. "Love you so much, Jack."
"I love you too," Jack gasped, and they started to move together. Ennis rhythmically pushed into him, hips moving quickly and pushing Jack forward a little. Jack lowered his head and pushed back, meeting every thrust and internally screaming with ecstasy. The slower times were always amazing, as they could savour each moment and enjoy everything about each other. But there was something about doing it this way, like their first time. It reminded them of how far they had come since that first night.
Both of them thought of it often, how their bodies had connected and how they had imprinted themselves on each other, as mates for life. That was just the way it was; no matter what else had happened in their lives, and no matter who else either of them had been with, they had always come back to each other. Ennis had to wonder if, back in 1967, Jack had heard his heart calling out to him, telling him that Ennis was miserable and making him decide to get in touch. Jack had saved him.
A few more strokes and they came simultaneously, collapsing onto the bed together and breathing hard. "God, that was amazin'," Jack breathed, feeling Ennis pull out of him and then collapse onto his back again. He grinned. "Did I wear you out?"
"Pretty much, rodeo," Ennis replied, stroking Jack's back again. He liked doing that whenever he was behind Jack; the skin was so warm and his muscles were firm, just the way Ennis had always liked. He heard Jack laughing quietly. "What?"
"I wore you out with just one time. Yer gettin' old." Ennis bit his ear.
"I ain't old, bud." He thought for a moment. "But you've got a point. Remember back on Brokeback? That one night..."
"When we did it about six times in one night?" Jack answered, remembering it clearly. He didn't know what it was, but once they had started they just couldn't stop until they'd fallen asleep. Ennis had fucked him a few times, and he'd given Ennis a few blowjobs in between. They had even just rubbed against each other to get off, and that was later on when they were too tired to go through the motions. "I could never forget that. Bet we couldn't do it now."
"Probably not. Was pretty damn good, though. Think we fucked our brains out."
"Reckon so. What got into you? It was like you couldn't get enough...I even thought that if I tried to take a break to piss, you'd come after me an' do me in the bushes."
"Guess I would've," Ennis admitted sheepishly, and Jack laughed. He rolled off and they turned onto their sides, lacing their fingers together. "Dunno, I just...wanted you real bad. I mean...I still get that way, but...ain't really got that kinda energy no more."
"I know," Jack replied quietly. "An' you don't gotta worry about that. I...I like it best when we're goin' slow. I mean, that just now was great, but...you know?"
Ennis nodded and pulled him close, kissing him gently. "I know, darlin'. I like it that way too." No words were needed to express how they felt about slowly making love; they both knew.