Quite long for an epilogue: Mr Lupin, by Dr James Potter

The first time I met a one Remus Lupin was the early morning of 11th Feburary 1982: the day we were to venture to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry to save my family and defeat Lord Voldemort. We met properly for the first time at the front gate of Lestrange Manor, and after a curious incident involving a group of ravenous Death Eaters, violent curses, and the downfall of the darkest wizard to ever exist, we were branded henceforth as fellow Marauders and best friends.

From that moment onwards, I spent many a year of my adulthood with that peculiar man: solving crossword puzzles and plundering our way through our mature responsibilities, and – much to our delight – still managing to pick up decent payrolls in between.

One of the most monumental moments in our friendship, though, was when Padfoot and I offered to spend our first full moon with Remus - it was to be the first he would experience as Remus, and not as either Moony, or unconscious (he did not remember the January moon due to the intensity of Bellatrix's torture methods inflicted upon him).

I remember that evening: it is engraved in my memory forever. We had locked ourselves in the basement of our house. Sirius and I had turned away as Remus stripped down to his underwear and prepared himself in the corner of the room, as far away from us as possible. I stole a glance at Sirius to find him nervously biting his lip whilst he looked to the ground. When he caught my eye, his face reverted back to its usual stoic self, and he straightened up slightly, before turning around.

'You ready, Rem?' He asked as he walked over.

'Don't come much closer, Sirius.' The lycanthrope replied. 'I still don't know how the wolf will react – he's uncannily dormant today. It's frightening.'

My friend ignored Remus's warning, continued to stride towards him. I watched intriguingly as he keeled down to be eye level with Remus. The former took the latter's hands in his.

'Do you feel the tremors?' Sirius's eyes were filled with concern, albeit they were calculated. When Remus swallowed heavily and shook his head, the animagus freed one of his hands and brought it to the werewolf's forehead; he spread his fingers as he pressed against Remus gently. 'Your temperature isn't up either. You're not feverish and clammy, like you usually are.' He concluded.

I remember my eyebrows knitted themselves together as I tried to comprehend the meaning of my friend's analysis. I watched as he continued to check Remus over – I could tell it made Remus feel exposed and uncomfortable, but when I tried to intervene, we shared a look which told me everything was fine and that he would tell Sirius if it was not. I took heed of his expression, but I could not fully hold back.

'Padfoot, why are you doing this?' I questioned.

'Remus, what time's moonrise?' He ignored my question and asked instead.

'20:30.' Remus answered automatically. The forlorn look in his eye was replaced by a shining emerald, as he seemed to have stumbled upon a revelation. He looked up from the ground that he was previously staring at, and at Sirius, who watched him in anticipation.

I confess I was befuddled by this point, but I dared not interrupt them. I need not voice my thoughts, however, for Remus answered them for me. 'But... It's... James, what time is it?'

'Why, it's eight, thirty five.' Said I, as I checked my watch.

'But, that means...' Remus trailed off and looked intently into Sirius's eyes, for what seemed like clarification. To the lycanthrope's misfortune, however, Sirius closed to eyes to him.

Then there was a silence.

It rang out through the room and made all three of us feel anxious. When Sirius inhaled deeply, both Remus and I stared at him in anticipation. After blinking several times, the animagus opened his eyes and pursed his lips. Remus looked so forlorn though, that he could not keep up what appeared to be his façade.

And he slowly nodded.

What happened next was like a bombshell: Remus laughed loudly with relief, and threw his arms out to embrace Sirius joyfully. What really aroused my amazement, though, was that Sirius responded with equal passion. After what seemed an age, albeit it felt like no time at all at the same time, they broke apart and saw my confused look. Remus looked quickly at Sirius before he got up and walked over to me.

He flung his arms around my neck, as he had done with Sirius, except this felt more like a brotherly hug than what I had witnessed previously. I hugged him back, but my hesitance betrayed my still puzzled demeanour. Remus laughed again, but this time quieter as he breathed in my ear.

'The wolf is gone.'

XxX

When we exited the basement and ventured into the dining room, the atmosphere was much more relaxed. The other two sat down at the table, while I made tea for me, hot chocolate for Remus, and just boiling hot water for Sirius – the latter was a man of many tastes.

When I joined them at the table, Lily entered the room, rubbing her eyes. She inquired as to why we weren't in the basement and, more importantly, why Remus was not currently a fully-fledged, feral wolf.

Sirius beckoned for her to sit and began.

'I guess the situation isn't entirely problematic if you think about it.' He paused to allow the traditional collective eye roll. 'Remus didn't transform because when he became the Horcrux, the part of Voldemort's soul latched onto Moony (the wolf) not Remus. Ultimately, when the Horcrux was destroyed, it had to be fully destroyed for the segment of the soul to shatter. That could have only happened, leaving Remus alive, if it was the wolf that died with the Horcrux only.'

'But I had a choice. I spoke with someone after I was supposedly killed. They offered me the chance to die or to stay alive.' Remus countered.

'Yes, because the wolf was part of you too.' Sirius concluded. 'It was such a big part of your life that you had the chance to die with it. You even told Bellatrix, while you were duelling her, that you and Moony – and by Moony, I am referring to the wolf counterpart as well as the Horcrux - were not mutually exclusive. It's obvious that death gave you the choice, although he might have given you it begrudgingly, he had to; he probably thought that you would have wanted to move on from this life anyhow.'

'But I didn't.' Remus almost whispered, the ghost of a smile spread across his face.

Sirius placed a hand on top of his and squeezed lightly.

'You didn't.' He confirmed and smiled back.

'What about the silver?' Lily pondered, interrupting the moment. Sirius looked at her, encouraging her to continue. 'Remus was only allergic to silver because of his lycanthropy, yet, when Bellatrix shot the silver at him, it completely obliterated Remus's chances of recovering the sight in his eye, why?'

All three of us subconsciously glanced at the silver orb that layered a thick skin over what was once an enchanting emerald. Remus avoided all our looks and focused on him and Sirius's hands.

'It wasn't just silver, Lily.' He told her. 'It was liquid silver. If I had been allergic to the silver, my injuries would have been much more severe than those I got – I always wondered why it hadn't spread more than it had, I guess this is why.'

Without asking for permission, Sirius reached his other hand out and traced the silver engravings on the side of Remus's face; those a significantly darker grey to that of the other, more ivory patterns upon his placid flesh.

'Do you know the melting point of pure Silver, Mrs Potter?' He asked, not taking his eyes away from the solidified metal once as he addressed her. When Lily seemed reluctant to answer him, and pursed her lips in a way only McGonagall could compete with, Sirius smirked in a charming, albeit victorious way. '961 degrees C.'

'The force of the heat that hit my face was enough pain to put me out of action for a while, but not enough to do so permanently.' Remus added. 'Thinking about it now, I don't think I would have been likely to survive if I was allergic to it as well. You saw the intensity of Greyback's injuries...'

He felt shame – it was apparent in his words and his expression; it was particularly upsetting, and so I quickly made to change the subject, away from Greyback, which I could see he was thankful for.

'What about your quick healing process the night we rescued you?' I asked, intrigued. 'You were unable to even stand when Sirius found you, but within an hour after, you were able to defeat one of the most powerful, albeit mental, dark witches of all time. Both Sirius and I witnessed the fight through the corner of our eyes: you simply should not have been able to perform the level of magic that you did. It was phenomenal.'

'That one, I think, is more difficult to explain... But not impossible.' Remus answered quickly, for Sirius looked eager to respond. The ex-lycanthrope shot him a look and he turned away, looking slightly petulant.

Remus then turned to face me and leaned forwards whilst rubbing the back of his head. He seemed in thought on how to explain it. 'When I create magic, James, half the time I'm not aware of it. I never went to Hogwarts, so I never learnt how to control it. The fact that I produce magic from my very being adds to this lack of control. The wolf, admittedly, enhanced my powers, but most of it was always there. It is because of this intractable magic that I am able to heal myself quickly. That and my lycanthropy are the main reason I must have survived before. It was also the reason Voldemort and Greyback scouted me out against the others.'

He then turned back to my best friend. 'Did I miss anything, Padfoot?'

'Well...' My best friend ruffled his hair and leant back on his chair. 'Maybe not, but I think I have something important to say anyway.'

Remus looked at him cautiously. I saw his eye pierce into Sirius's as if solving a riddle.

'Go on.'

'I, er...' Sirius coughed and looked away. 'I already knew you weren't going to transform tonight.'

Remus blinked in disbelief.

'Bullshit.'

'I can assure you it is not.' Said Sirius, more confidently. 'The signs were clear, but to be sure, I could not tell you. I needed to see how you would react, and you reacted as one would under a placebo – it was highly interesting. It was scientifically intriguing, and I think we made a breakthrough in the behavioural differences associated with lycanthropy; I also managed to observe how the symptoms affect you, personally, even though the wolf was no longer there.'

Silence.

Sirius seemed not to notice the reason behind Remus's silence (it reminded me of his former self; his aloof and stoic demeanour). 'Remus-?'

'You made me... Go through the pains of my pre-transformation... For science? You neglected to inform me that my most shameful dysphoria was gone, after everything it put me through?'

Remus was trembling now. I looked over at Lily and I saw that she seemed just as concerned as I was. We looked in anticipation as the two men opposite stared at each other: one in anger, and one in comprehension and confusion. Finally, Sirius confirmed.

'Well... Yes, but-'

Remus reacted quickly. He ripped his hand away from the animagus's and punched Sirius in the jaw. The force of the impact caused Sirius to fly off his chair and land on the tiled floor painfully. Lily gasped and lunged out of her seat to hold Remus back, lest he resort to further violence. I knew he wouldn't, and so remained where I was.

'Come on, Remus, let's go check on Harry. We have surely woken him with all this ruckus.' Lily soothed.

Remus did not respond and instead, he simply nodded. I sat back in my seat and watched them exit the kitchen. When the door closed behind them, I shook my head in disbelief.

'You complete arse, Sirius.'

The aforementioned spat out blood, along with a tooth, onto the floor.

'What an opinionated observation you have made there, James.' He remarked. 'I do not deny it and I won't defend myself further. I have an observation, myself, though, although it is more of a question formulated through an observation: how is it that this single punch hurt more than all the spells Voldemort hit me with during the battle?'

He wiped his mouth with his sleeve, while I got up out of my seat and took out my wand to vanish the blood on the floor. I stood just above Sirius, he looked to me for the answer, something that comes as an extreme rarity, and for once I had it.

'Because, unlike the others, you felt this one, Padfoot.'

I left him then, and went to check on Remus and Lily. I found my wife in the doorway of Harry's room and silently joined her. 'The idiot's fine.' I informed her. She sighed in response, her arms folded, as we looked at Remus, on the bed with Harry, telling him a story quietly, much to my son's awe.

I whispered so only Lily could hear me, 'How is he?'

'He's fine.' She answered swiftly.

'He bloody isn't!' I countered, my voice going strangely high. When she glared at me, I defended, 'After that response, you can't expect me to believe that. I don't think he'll ever forgive Sirius for that!'

'He already has, James.' She sounded tired. 'He forgave him before the punch. It wasn't in anger that he chose to respond with violence; Remus has been angry his entire life – Sirius knows this – but yet he never physically retaliated back straight away. Yes, he wanted revenge for what Bellatrix and Voldemort did, but it was through the knowledge that he wanted to protect us that he actually acted upon his desires, not his anger. Remus punched Sirius to show him that he was hurt, not because he was angry.'

'He told you all this?' I wondered.

'He didn't need to.'

Lily and I looked at each other after that, and from her look, I knew that she was right.

This was proven when morning came, for Sirius and Remus acted as if none of the previous affairs of last night had occurred. Remus looked slightly ashamed of the forming bruise on the side of Sirius's face, though, but he never said anything.

When Harry inquired what had happened to Sirius, the latter replied with a dramatic story about how he got into a fight with an almighty werewolf because he said and did some things he probably shouldn't have, etcetera.

The fact Remus smiled slightly at the story did not go unnoticed.

We also confirmed later that day that despite the fact that Moony was destroyed, the werewolf packs were still under Remus's control. But we did not take advantage of this wrongly. It was actually the opposite.

The morning after, Remus went to the Ministry with Sirius (I also came along for support) and together, we managed to get him a job at the werewolf registry. When I say this, I do not mean the prejudiced, stereotypical registry that the Ministry had during the war; this was the newly developing one. With Remus placed in charge as immediate head of the department, eventual equality between wizards and werewolves was vastly progressing, what with the numerous talks Remus gave to help make wizards understand their affliction, and help eliminate the ignorance of wizarding society. It especially helped when Lily started giving similar talks on the consequences of discriminating against wizards due to their "blood purity".

As well as giving talks, though, Remus was also able to apply his advanced knowledge of Arithmancy to his new position. By calculating the statistics of werewolves, he was able develop how the Ministry was definitely going to finance those werewolves living in poverty, so that they did not have to live in packs anymore. Remus helped the werewolves come out of hiding and eventually accept themselves. They no longer feared scrutiny and abuse, because they were accepted as normal citizens, and thus were able to live a normal life, without the label of lycanthrope getting in the way.

It was monumental.

XxX

But anyway, my diversion of topic has lead me to remain indifferent to discussing my new friend as a person. Picking back up from where I left off, I can tell you that despite our craving for mischief and exhilaration, it was proven that Remus and I could also be serious and mature when our conversations would swift into uneasy territory.

Namely: the uncanny mechanics of Sirius Black's mind.

What first struck me as bizarre about my newest, enigmatical friend was how he had an extraordinary gift to always be able to see what others could not – much to my incredulity. As well as this, Remus matched Sirius in terms of brilliance of the mind; being able to store any piece of information about his choice whenever he chose, in his 'Mind Palace'. The aforementioned was named as much because Remus's mind was his most prized possession. It was the organ that had kept him going; kept him sane – as opposed to Sirius's, which was referred to as his 'Palace of Solitude', because he had claimed that no other individual could enter his Palace - hence the 'Solitude' segment of its title.

And he was right: no one could enter his palace... This is, until Remus came along.

But Remus had challenged more than just the security of Sirius Black's mind, because despite my best friend's skill and talent with regard to logic and the process of deduction, Sirius never used to understand the workings of Human emotion - namely love. That particular emotion use to be one that he would speak of in disgust, as if it were the plague.

Notice the past tense?

'Love is an emotional thing, James, and whatever is emotional is opposed to that true cold reason which I place above all things. You see, the emotional qualities of human existence – if you can call them qualities – are antagonistic to clear reasoning; the thing I strive for most in this world.' I recall he once remarked idly when I used to question him on his stoic approach to sentimentality.

Now, though, he would merely shrug, and quickly make his exit from whatever room we were residing in at the time. It does not take a genius to work out to whom he would excuse himself to go and see.

During the school holidays of our Hogwarts years, I could not protect Sirius from his ghastly family – it plagued me to leave him at the platform, for I knew the kind of treatment he would receive from them. The amount of bruises that welcomed me every January and September left little to the imagination. What I would always marvel at was Sirius's determination and masochistic need to return to his family (at least I thought it was masochistic at the time). I was never allowed contact with him during the holidays, Sirius forbade me. Usually, the idea of Sirius ordering me like he did our first departing from Hogwarts was laughable, but the apprehensive sincerity in his eyes was anything but humorous, so I loyally abided by his rule.

I remember writing him various letters over the holidays that I never sent. I would write about our traditional trips to go see my grandfather, Henry, who often grew quite lonely after the passing of my Grandmother. I wrote about my happiness, and my despondence at his absence. I remember wondering whether I would see him in Diagon Alley – I never did – and I wondered whether he was doing okay.

But alas, I was reassured when Sirius could break free of the shackles of Walburga and run towards me, as if we had not seen each other in years. This happened every time we were reunited at the train station. I often heard him talk of his marauding of the residents of Number 12, and especially the monstrous wrath of his mother and father.

Uncannily though, I recall him once mentioning the frequent visitors that his parents used to entertain. He informed me that he had eavesdropped on their conversations often, but it was only in second year that he stopped telling me what interesting information he had found out through listening behind closed doors. This behaviour obviously baffled me, as he used to be so indulgent in what his parents were doing, but I let it slide; and so after the Christmas holidays of second year, he was always reticent about his home life. I begrudgingly accepted his, and played along with Sirius's cheerful façade.

Now, as you will have noticed, my friend has spent an age telling me that I see but never observe. Most of the time, I shall admit, he was right. But what he did not know, though, was that I observed every facet of my best friend. For years I have worried about him; I noticed that, after that particular Christmas, he grew more outgoing, albeit cautious at the same time. He was an oxymoron. Even when he told me he was going to try and become an animagus, I confess I thought he was joking.

But Sirius was always serious.

Of course, I was not going to let him endure this arduous task alone, and so that was why I joined him. I had no idea of his real intentions until now.

Anyway, I continued to play along in silence until the summer holidays of fifth year, when we were 16. Sirius had turned up, unexpectedly, on my doorstep, bloodied, unwashed and bruised. He collapsed moments after our meeting out of pure exhaustion. I was terrified at that point. My parents and I helped him to a bed and, over time, he recovered. Through his moments in and out of consciousness, he never spoke of what had happened to him. And he had kept his silence since then - even years later, he had never spoken about why he had been disowned from his family.

It was only when Remus was there with him that he actually confided in me.

XxX

Sirius could never really be bothered to move out, despite the vast amount of gold he possessed, and because Sirius never wanted to move out, Remus was not allowed to either. This obviously vexed the latter, but he never complained... Not to Sirius's face anyway.

So when I walked in from work at St Mungo's, I honestly thought – from the way they were sat at the dining room table anticipating my arrival – that they were going to tell me that they had finally decided to move out. With this theory, I sat down in one of the empty chairs opposite and faced them – I noticed how Sirius nervously twiddled his thumbs, an odd action in itself, while Remus looked from him to me. When Sirius's silence was louder than any words he could have spoken, Remus stepped in for him.

'All right, James?'

'Better than you and Sirius look at the moment, I must say.' I replied. 'What's wrong? You haven't got Sirius pregnant, have you?'

Sirius looked up at that. Remus coughed on the air, while the animagus made a face like the one Harry would make when shown a pile of broccoli and peas.

'No, Prongs!' He pouted, irritably, and slouched back in his chair.

Remus and I scoffed.

'Sirius, calm down.' The former spoke. He repressed a smile before he turned back to face me. 'No, strangely enough, Sirius is not pregnant. I cannot fathom why you'd think that at all.' His wink did not go unnoticed by Sirius, who huffed petulantly. The lycanthrope snorted before changing his demeanour to a more sober one. 'Seriously though, Sirius and I have decided to tell you something you have no doubt wondered about for years.'

He briefly looked at Sirius, who nodded. He turned back and continued, 'We're going to tell you what happened when Sirius ran away from home.'

I perked up at that; needless to say I was shocked. They were not moving out then. They must have registered my shock from the way they looked at me. Sirius looked nervously stoic (because only Sirius Black could pull off both simultaneously).

'Is that all right with you, Prongs?' He asked.

I nodded.

Him and Remus shared a look - it made me feel as though I were intruding on something intimate. When Sirius's thumb twiddling got out of hand, Remus put his hands over them. I noticed how Sirius immediately relaxed upon the touch, and I smiled at them, which did not go unnoticed. I cleared my throat awkwardly.

'Okay, I'll tell you what I can remember.' Remus smiled warmly. His thumbs rubbed circles over Sirius knuckles. 'Has Padfoot told you what happened while I was imprisoned?'

'Not properly.' I answered. 'Sirius has always been very private about what happened during the holidays.'

'I must admit, that is not surprising.' Remus sighed. He removed one of his hands to rub the back of his neck. 'Right, okay. You know how I got captured and who by, right?'

'Yes.' said I.

'Okay, that makes things a little easier..' He calculated. 'Okay, basically, Voldemort used to get Bellatrix and the other Death Eaters to keep me under watch while they administered me with various potions. It was essential that I stay alive, but they knew that turning me into a Horcrux would take a lot of time, as no one had ever done it before. The knowledge that these sadistic ignoramus' had me under their control for a prolonged amount of time promoted their actions of inflicting vast amounts of intense pain upon me – as long as I didn't die, they would be exonerated from their actions.'

'Why would they risk it, though?' I could not help but interrupt.

'Because I was a werewolf.' He smiled bitterly. 'I was scum to them. Worse than a Muggle: an abandoned, half-blood, half-breed, who deserved everything they threw upon me.'

'That's not true, Remus.' Sirius remarked, as if daring either of us to question his words.

'I never said it was, Sirius.' The lycanthrope sighed. He closed his eyes for a brief period to compose himself – he looked tired. 'Anyway, when I met Sirius, he was thirteen and I was twelve. He had sneaked out of bed and ventured down to my chamber – I assumed he had heard my screams hours ago and was curious to find the source of what he had heard. It was a freezing night, and I remember trying to get as close to the lit torch as possible. It was nothing compared to the warmth that Sirius brought, though.'

The aforementioned blushed, but as Remus's eyes were still closed, he carried on, unperturbed to the wiggling eyebrows I was throwing at Sirius, while grinning wickedly. 'He found me and introduced himself; I was conflicted, for while I craved an ally in my prison, I did not want to expose him to the horrors I had to endeavour. What I quickly learnt though, was that I was not the only one to experience suffering at the hands of the Blacks.'

I had not meant for my knuckles to crack as loud as they did at the mention of the abuse my two friends suffered. My mood evaporated, though, when I noticed that while Sirius did not look angry or bitter, but sad, Remus appeared very antagonised as he reminisced.

Now, this was strange for me to witness, because if you have known Sirius for as long as I have, you would notice how he responds to certain situations in certain ways. The number one observation I had made through the years was that Sirius was never one to be sad - I knew this much. What he did get instead, though, was angry. The kind of angry that you really did not want to mess with, especially when it came to his family.

If you ever wanted my friend to get vexed, all you had to do was refer to him by his surname.

Remus, on the other hand, albeit I have not known him as long as I have known Sirius, is not one to respond to a situation with anger. As opposed to Sirius, Remus often dealt with situations calmly and rationally. He would take a deep breath and fuel his repressed anger into something that could be useful to him. If someone was being ignorant, he would channel that rage into an explanation that would win him the argument before it had even started. With this though, Remus did not always respond to everything he did not like in this way. When it came to personal things, instead of fighting the subject with words, he would retreat in on himself and become a small ball of desolation, wherein no one, sans Sirius, could pull him out.

Hence why I was baffled at their reversed reactions to what Remus had just told me. When I inquired this, I got a cold eye stare from Remus, which scared me. I hate to admit this, but Remus often reminds me of Moony when he is angry. It was frightening, and although I shall never admit this to Remus's face for fear of how he would react – he would probably avert back to his depressive state at the reminder of the wolf – it doesn't make my opinion any less true.

When I anxiously looked away from Remus and to Sirius, surprisingly, he also looked apprehensive at Remus's glare. He knew why though. And he never left any questions unanswered.

'Those years were dark times, and while I was only occasionally beaten for my rebellion, it was nothing to what they did to Remus.' He shifted closer to the aforementioned, which made the ex-lycanthrope relax slightly. 'I always elected to go home for the holidays because I honestly feared for Remus's life everyday. It built upon my anger towards my family for many years. When I did visit him – it was always at night – I would sneak food and drink to him; he was fed so little by his captors that his face grew more and more gaunt and pale with every visit.

'As well as bringing him food, I also brought along books on my nightly visits. As Remus suffered from nightmares, he abhorred sleep, and instead of leaving him to his thoughts, I would sometimes read to him – he told me he was passionate about Arithmancy and wanted to study it if he ever got out of his prison, so I mostly brought factual books. When he wasn't in the mood for my reading, though, we would just talk. Talk about my progression in becoming an animagus to keep Remus company during full moons, so that he wouldn't tear himself apart as much as he usually did. I accompanied him as Padfoot, for the first time, in fifth year. We would also talk about how we were both doing to escape at some point; wave goodbye and leave Grimmauld Place forever.

'And we did at 16.'

Sirius took a breath, as he gave me time to process what he had just said. Remus no longer looked angry, though, I observed, which was good, because I had concluded that I did not like Remus when he was angry. In fact, he looked eager for Sirius to enlighten me how they escaped that night. I thought that Remus might be aching for Sirius to go into detail because he, himself, could not remember what had happened.

I was right.

Fortunately, Sirius did not keep us long. 'It was set. We had the day and we had the time. I had fed Remus more than I usually did to give him the strength to be able to walk and run. He could not remember the last time he had been freed from his cage. What was weird though was that the Death Eaters were increasing Remus's food portions too.' He looked at Remus, sadly, 'You told me they were close to finishing their project and that they were increasing it so that you were more likely to survive the experiment.

'I took heed of this and changed the plan so that we were to escape a day earlier, but it was too late.' He looked down at his lap. 'I was at dinner with my parents and Reg: Mother was talking about how my hair was getting too long and that I was a shame to my family by merely breathing, and that I should be more like my brother, etcetera, when I heard it. Blood curdling screams. I wasn't the only one who had heard it too, even Reg perked up at that, but Mother and Father acted as though nothing had happened, although they could not hide their repulsed expressions. I suspect they hated that they had to host such a "vile creature" for so long. I was so angry that I yelled at them for answers; internally I was so scared, but they would not tell me. Eventually, my father dragged me by my hair to my room and locked me in there.

'But it bought me time, and plenty of it, to formulate the plan again and pack everything I would ever need. When everything was set and I knew everyone was asleep, I climbed out the window of my room and slid down a drainpipe to the ground. The living room window was still open and so I climbed back into the house through there. I then hastened for the basement. I should have known something was wrong from the moment I got there, but I didn't pay attention, which was strange because I always did that – I think it was because I was so eager to escape and take Remus away from his hell that I ignored all the warning signs. Opening the cage was elementary and exiting the house was even more so. Too easy, I thought. I made sure to hold Remus's hand the whole time so that we did not lose each other – I used to do the same to you when running from pranks, do you remember, Prongs?'

When I nodded, he continued, 'Once the breeze of the outside hit us, I would occasionally look at Remus out of the corner of my eye. He looked weak and pale, and would frequently stumble in his footing. I pinned it down to his years of imprisonment as opposed to what had happened earlier. I even asked him, but he would not reply.'

He looked up at Remus again, 'Your lack of communication frightened me, and it wasn't until we were running through a harvested cornfield that you finally spoke – well, I say speak, you sort of had a fit and collapsed - I confess that terrified me. I shook you to make sure you were okay. You didn't seem injured, but then you woke up and looked at me, like how you just looked at James, not two minutes ago. I reacted the same as Prongs: I was confused. It really threw me, for I hated it when I did not know the reasoning behind an action.

'But I didn't have time to question; everything went black. I think that the last thing I remember was you lunging at me. When I came to, I was alone. I checked myself for injuries, and although I was harmed, I was not unsalvageable, so I looked around for you, finding only puddles of blood beside the stream and on the bank. Too much blood. I came to the conclusion, then that you had died, maybe been murdered. It never occurred to me that Moony was behind it. I didn't believe what I saw, which was you attacking me, which was foolish, for I always trust my eyes. I thought we must've been jumped, or attacked by Death Eaters...

'I grew numb at having lost you. I simply sat on the bank in silence – I don't know how long I stayed there for, but the sun came up and I watched the sky brighten and turn from crimson, like the blood inches away from my hands, to the turquoise blue that brightened the grass of the field I was in. The green reminded me of your eyes, which made me melancholy. When the sky dampened and turned cloudy, I decided to begin my journey, alone. I followed the path of the river for a long while, until I came to the outskirts of your town. By this time the stars were out, and the waxing crescent moon was in view. Having no muggle money, I had no option but to continue to walk to your house, James. The journey was arduous, but I made it. I remember the shocked look on your face when you opened the door to find me there, not ever having been to your house before, ere the world began to swim, and darkness consumed me.'

When he finished his narrative, I was speechless. Remus, however, wasn't.

'I hurt you?' He looked both scandalised and forlorn.

'No, Moony hurt me.' Was the counter.

'It's the same thing!' Remus remarked.

'Look, Rem, just drop it. I'm fine – you're not to blame.' My best friend soothed.

This did not bode well, for Remus growled at the patronising tone present in Sirius's voice. The latter noticed this and corrected himself, 'Look, Moony was only just released. You're screaming from earlier that evening was because that was when the experiment was complete. You felt like an empty shell as we were escaping, I was just too stupid to realise that it was your body adjusting to Moony. Do not blame yourself.'

My best friend and I held our breath as we waited for Remus's response.

'Nice save, idiot.'

As I exhaled, I laughed, whereas Sirius sort of sighed contently. Then, I noticed the two of them look at me expectantly. As I did not know what they were waiting for, I merely blinked in response. It was Remus who came to my rescue. 'Any questions, James?'

I thought about this for a while.

'Why did you never tell me?' Was my reply; I tried not to sound accusatory.

'Because it was better that way.' The animagus answered, shrugging.

At this point, I got incredibly angry. I felt my heart race and my face burning. Blood pounded through my veins, and suddenly, I forgot myself. I lunged across the table at my unsuspecting friend. Remus watched, comprehending the situation, while I started to punch my friend, before someone suddenly flicked a switch in his head. The ex-lycanthrope dove into action and hooked his arms around me to pull me to my feet. I was screaming obscenities at my brother as he simply lay there, staring up at me, his demeanour aloof.

I must have made a right pandemonium, for moments later, Lily stormed into the room and berated us all for our behaviour. If anything, this only fuelled my anger, because I had not done anything wrong. It was Sirius, with his bloody expressionless face and his blasé countenance and him being so secretive that he could not care less about trusting his best friend with his problems.

I figured I was pretty damn justified to feel blameless and angry. I promptly told Lily this, but I think most of what I said was indecipherable, because she reacted by asking Remus to escort me out of the room while she spoke to Sirius. When I sat down on the sofa in the living room, though, I realised something.

Maybe I had overreacted.

Shortly after, Sirius and Lily joined us. Lily sat beside me, while Sirius elected to join Remus standing. There was a tense silence, before my wife forcefully coughed; her eyes never leaving Sirius's. My brother seemed to snap out of his daze. I waited patiently as he recovered himself.

'I'm sorry.' He finally looked into my eyes. 'I never told you because I wanted to protect you, and it's as simple as that.'

Everyone then looked expectantly at me. The tension in the room could be cut with a knife. I swallowed thickly.

'I never needed protecting, Pads.' I sighed, as I rubbed my face with my hand. 'I thought we could trust each other with our problems. The fact that you couldn't trust me with something as important as this hurts me; you know that. So don't come up with some bullshit excuse about wanting to protect me.'

'I'm sorry.' Was all he could reply with.

'You know what, you're pathetic!' I spat, and abruptly stood and exited the room.

And yet, just like Remus had with Sirius prior, I forgave him by morning.

Now, there's one final subject that I would like to end this account with and that is love. It sounds cheesy just writing it, but I have to.

Mainly, to make Remus smirk and, of course, to spite Sirius.

Because although they never said it, they knew it was there. Their love was so pure that it did not need a name; a label. It was just Remus and Sirius. It was how they had always been, before life had got in the way, but the war was finally over, and we were all finally liberated.

But despite this freedom, never did they kiss, for it was in neither of their natures to feel physically intimate in that respect. Forbye that, they expressed their attraction through gentle touches and mere closeness - along with the power of words - as opposed to the stereotypes commonly associated with, dare I say it, love. It drove Lily crazy: the fact that the most intimate they would get would be holding hands or hugging, but she had come to understand: this was their way of showing each other that they actually cared about one another - they had been through too much together to be separated. Sex and libido were simply not how things worked between them; their love was a juxtaposition to all the other aspects of their lives: it was pure and innocent.

I remember the exact moment Lily and I realised that they were one soul; in love. We had walked in from a night out with the Longbottoms' to find them curled up on the sofa, the gentle glow of the fire illuminating their countenances. Remus's eyes were closed in a peaceful slumber; he had sought out the warmth and comfort of his canine by resting his head on Sirius's shoulder. The latter had the other's hand entwined with his, as he rubbed soft circles onto his partner's knuckles, all while he gazed into the spitting flames absentmindedly, albeit contently.

The atmosphere was so tranquil and surreal that we felt compelled to do anything but disturb them, and so instead we crept upstairs to check on Harry. As we passed, I could have sworn I had heard Sirius mumble a good night to us.

'They're so beautiful, James.' Lily had whispered, when out of their earshot. 'So precious.'

I confess I could not hide a smile.

'I think you might be right, Lils.'

XxX

I finally approached my best friend and inquired about what he thought on the subject of love, and how he had progressed through the sentimental department through the years. It was a blissful July, and Sirius was in our kitchen, baking Harry's birthday cake - he had not allowed anyone else to handle that kind of responsibility. I was sitting at the kitchen table, trying to complete my medical reports, but I was distracted.

I turned in my seat to face Sirius, who was also distracted by something outside. I called his name three times before he actually processed that I had spoken. He turned away, coughing, and looked at me.

'Yes, Jamesie?'

'I asked you for your opinion on what happens when the levels of dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin are released in significantly higher amounts when in the presence of a particular person.' Said I, scoffing in amusement.

This clearly caught him off guard. He knew I was talking about the dreaded L lexis, but he appeared to be re-evaluating the previous response that he had made years ago when I last asked him. After what seemed like several minutes of waiting patiently, he finally voiced his thoughts, which pleasantly shocked me.

'Well, emotion will always be - in my eyes - a weakness. It exposes the deepest vulnerability within our souls and, as shown through our journey, it is destined to end in death...' He paused to brood. 'But I guess, as much as love blinds us from realising our true intellect, in the end, it proved to be the primary tool that defeated a heartless monster.'

He then seemed to contemplate his next words. 'I suppose, from this analysis, that to be able to open up oneself to another fully - in a way that is different to loyal friendship - would not necessarily be a bad idea.'

'Have you opened yourself up to someone else, then, Padfoot?' I asked, smiling despite myself.

I saw him look out of the kitchen window, into the garden - where Remus was playing intently with Harry, as Lily stood over them and watched. They seemed to be immersed in a deep conversation, but when Remus made what appeared to be a witty comment, both Lily and Harry burst out laughing.

When my best friend caught my amused face observing him, he blushed and turned away from the window. 'Well, Padfoot, have you?'

Sirius seemed to be reluctant to answer the question - for he most certainly knew the answer. Again, he looked out of the window; I saw him catch Remus's eye and the two exchanged an affectionate smile between them. When the animagus looked back at me, he was smiling, a faint rose colour forming on both his cheeks.

'Yes... I suppose I have.'

This is my brother: Sirius Black,
Who thought he understood love
As a weakness; a disease.
Something only sane people lack.
Although we loved him,
He never knew how to love back.

This is my friend: Remus Lupin,
Who thought he could never have love.
His childhood was taken.
He fell off the right track.
Although he lost life,
He never knew how to get it back.

These are two people
Who relied on their smarts.
When war brought them together,
It tore them apart.
But they built up the pieces,
Gave life a new start.
Their lives came together,
Made two halves a heart.

Thank you to everyone who has read this, and thank you to all the lovely reviewers; you are all amazing!

Just a few things that weren't mentioned in the narrative, because James didn't feel the need to mention them, but could do to be sorted out anyway:
-Snape stayed a bad guy because Lily loves James; and as there was no prophecy, or death of Lily, or any tool of manipulation for Dumbledore to use to make him change sides for real, Snape did not become 'good'. SNAPE BASHING TO THE EXTREME!
-Dumbledore is pretty useless in this because I decided to show how he raised his army to fight the battles for him, while he sat on the sidelines, taking most of the credit for it anyway. Sorry, I hate him more than Snape.

Let me know what you think and please review! :)