Maggie was walking through from the living room to the kitchen when she spotted Alex standing in the middle of the stairs, looking at a picture that was hung on the wall. She leaned her head up to get a better view, seeing she was looking at a picture of Emmi holding a very tiny baby Hayden. "I was just going to get a drink. You want one?" Maggie said, pointing through to the kitchen. Alex gave a little nod as she walked down the rest of the stairs and followed Maggie into the kitchen. "She okay?" Maggie asked as she opened the fridge and took out the bottle of Peach flavoured iced tea.
"Yeah as far as I can tell," Alex had come around as soon as Maggie had called her but was pretty sure Emmi was okay. "She said now that I'm here it means we can talk more about me moving home." Alex said, watching as Maggie poured two glasses of the iced tea.
"I thought as much," Maggie murmured. "I'm sorry I called you out, but I didn't want her actually making herself sick, you know and she -"
"It's okay." Alex interrupted.
"I ruined your sister night with Kara." Maggie put the iced tea back in the fridge before walking over to the breakfast bar, standing at the opposite side to Alex, leaning forward and she put her hands around her drink.
"The kids will always come first," Alex said, Maggie giving a little nod as she pursed her lips. "I know that we've told her a lot that we are working on things but maybe we need to sit her down again," Alex said. "We don't want her to start lying to us about feeling sick all the time."
"No," Maggie shook her head. "But at least it was only that and she's not acting out at school or using her telekinesis to cause trouble. Can you imagine the things she could actually do?"
Alex shook her head as she swallowed a mouthful of the iced tea. "She's not that kind of girl though, is she?" Alex dreaded to think the things Emmi could be capable of if she used her powers.
"She's really not," Maggie gave a little smile. Emmi was a great kid who rarely misbehaved. "But we do need to tell her she can't start pretending to be ill or when she really is ill, maybe we won't believe her."
"I told her that." Alex informed her wife, Maggie giving a little nod. "She just misses us being here together."
"Don't we all." Maggie murmured, looking downwards slightly.
"Well…." Alex felt her heart beat a little faster. "Maybe there is something you could do to change that." Alex spoke tentatively.
"Just me?" Maggie questioned.
"You are the one who wanted this time apart." Alex mumbled.
Maggie raised her eyebrows. "So you didn't want it?"
"Of course I didn't," Alex retorted. "I'm only doing it because it's what you want. You were hurt and needed time apart to learn to trust me again because I lied. I get it, Maggie," Alex told her. "I get why you wanted this but I'm only doing this for you. If I had things the way I wanted I'd be here all the time with my wife and not missing out on time with my girls."
"So you think you can just move back home like nothing happened?" Maggie questioned.
"I didn't say that," Alex sighed, rubbing her hand over her forehead. "We'll never be able to forget what happened. All I'm saying is maybe we can still work on the trust thing with me being back home. This is where I belong, Maggie. Here, in this house we picked out together to live our life in and raise our children in," Alex couldn't help but raise her voice a little. "I'm in my mid thirties for goodness sake. I shouldn't be living with my Mum. Not when I have a loving wife and kids and a home that's ours." Alex hit her hand against the breakfast bar as she spoke.
"And you will be, Alex. But we need some time to get over everything that's gone on." Maggie retorted.
"Some time," Alex scoffed. "It's always just some time, isn't it?" Alex said. "How much time is some time?" Alex knew that time apart was probably doing them good and she understood why Maggie wanted it, but she hated it and she was growing increasingly frustrated with everything that was going on. She felt suffocated and like it was all too much to deal with at once.
"I told you," Maggie sighed. "You get your three month sober chip," Maggie told her. "Have you even been to a meeting or talked to Richard since you got home from rehab?" Maggie questioned, pretty sure she already knew the answer. She knew for sure Alex hadn't been to a meeting, but she may have talked to her sponsor without her knowledge. Alex looked downwards as she shook her head. "Do you think that's something that you need to do?" Maggie questioned. "You need to show me you are serious about staying sober. That's the most important thing."
"But I am," Alex told her. "For those two up there," Alex pointed towards the ceiling. "And for…." Alex trailed off, her hand reaching for the pendant she wore around her neck in memory of Carter. "And you," Alex said, walking around the breakfast bar so she was now next to her wife. "Why can't we just try me moving back home?" Alex questioned. "You can still build up the trust and we can just have more time as a family again," Alex pointed out. "And I'll be here so you can see what I'm doing and know that you can trust me," Maggie looked downwards, rolling her wedding ring around her finger. "Please," Alex stepped forward and put her hands onto Maggie's arms. "I need to be here with you. I need you to get me through everything."
Maggie exhaled lightly as she looked back up to her wife. "You still have me," Maggie told her. "But I think that we need more time before living together again." Maggie moved her arms back, causing Alex's hands to drop.
"Why are you punishing me?" Alex questioned. "I lost my son then I was raped. Don't you think that's punishment enough?" Alex raised her voice, a lot of frustrations kept deep down inside of her bubbling up.
"I'm not punishing you." Maggie retorted.
Alex scoffed. "Seems like it," Alex shook her head. "I can't get through this with us like this. I want to come home. I need you."
"And where were you when I needed you?" Maggie yelled, her eyes widening, like she was surprised at herself for letting out what she'd said. "We both lost a child, but you acted like you were the only one going through anything," Maggie spat, letting it out now. "I've been through a great loss too," Maggie reminded her. "But all I get to be is the bitch who's kicked you out of the house," Maggie sighed. "You had PND and you couldn't help what you were doing. Nothing else gets to matter, right?" Maggie questioned. "My feelings don't matter. As long as I'm here for you."
"No, Maggie, of course your feelings matter," Alex told her. "I said so the other day that you deserve to talk about you and your feelings and how I…" Alex bit her lip, bowing her head a little. "I left it all up to you to help Emmi," Alex exhaled lightly. "I'm sorry," Alex apologised, holding her hands out to the side. "I was a bad wife. Illness or not, I….I wasn't being fair to you but now I am trying, Maggie. I am trying to make us good again," Alex felt herself welling up. "I can't make up for the mistakes in the past because they've happened, but I'm trying to get us back on track, so we can have the best future," Alex exhaled. "So, you can talk to me. You know that right?" Alex questioned. "You are always so worried about me and my feelings and I….you should get to talk too."
"I…." Maggie shook her head, Alex seeing her welling up with tears. "I ache in here every day," Maggie hit her chest, close to her heart. "Not a day goes by where I don't think about the kind of kid he could have been. What he'd have been into and even Hayden. I think about how great a big sister she would have been. I imagine Hayden and Carter climbing trees and getting into mischief," Maggie stopped talking as she sniffed back. "I imagine Emmi teaching him how to swim and telling him all about mermaids and all the fish in the sea," Maggie choked back more tears as Alex wiped away tears of her own. "I hate that this upsets you." Maggie said. She could see the hurt in Alex's eyes.
"No, don't," Alex shook her head. "This is good," Alex assured her. "We need to let it out together," Alex said. "Don't hate it. Don't ever be scared to tell me anything in fear of upsetting me," Alex stepped forward and rubbed Maggie's arms comfortingly. "You've been going through this alone for far too long," Alex's voice trembled. "This is about the both of us." Alex murmured as she brought her hand up to Maggie's cheek, gently removing the tears with her thumb.
"Mmm," Maggie nodded. "I uh…" Maggie sucked in her bottom lip. "I just…I miss him," Maggie squeaked. "And I know that we never really had a chance to know him, but I miss him so much." Maggie broke down into tears. Alex pulled her against her, Maggie relaxing into the embrace as she wrapped her arms around her wife. She'd never told anyone that before, not even when she went to the few bereavement groups she'd attended. She didn't really talk at them, she just listened to other people and the stories they were sharing, but she felt a relief at finally letting herself open up to her wife, knowing deep down, the only way for them to move forward was if she started talking as well.
Maggie and the girls stepped out of the elevator and walked down the hallway, Hayden banging her hand against the door as Emmi turned the handle to open it. "Hello," Emmi walked in followed By Hayden then Maggie. Alex looked up from behind the smoke coming from the oven. "Mum," Emmi giggled. "You burned dinner, didn't you?"
"Uh….yeah." Alex was waving the dishtowel, trying to clear the smoke.
"I'll get the take away menus." Emmi said, walking over to the drawer in the kitchen where they were kept.
Maggie bit her lip to hold back her laughter. "Let it out, I know you are dying to laugh." Alex muttered as she threw the dishtowel down and picked up the oven gloves, taking the burnt dinner out of the oven, Maggie laughing as she walked closer to her.
"Mummy it smells bad." Hayden pulled a face, not impressed at all.
"Yeah sweetie Mummy burnt the dinner." Alex sighed as she leaned back against the worktop.
"Uh…lasagne?" Maggie guessed, looking to the blackened dinner. "I'm impressed you even tried to make that."
"Well to be honest I didn't," Alex murmured. "Mum made it. All I had to do was put it in the oven." Alex sighed, sounding annoyed with herself. She'd asked Maggie and the girls to the apartment for dinner, and she'd ruined it by burning the food.
"Aww dear," Maggie covered her mouth to stop more laughter escaping. When she was sure it was gone, she spoke again. "Hayd's give Mummy a hug." Maggie said, Hayden already jumping up at her anyways. Alex lifted her daughter up into her arms.
"Can we do pizza then?" Emmi questioned.
"Garlic bread." Hayden suggested from Alex's arms.
"Yeah, we'll stick with Italian huh?" Maggie said, Emmi nodding as she opened the take away menu to the pizza place to see what kind she wanted.
"How was swimming today Emmi?" Alex questioned. Emmi now went to swim club twice a week and had quite the medal collection from the competitions she did.
"Good," Emmi answered. "I have a competition soon," Emmi said. "Will you and Mama both come watch me?" Emmi asked. "Together. You'll sit together?" Emmi glared at Alex, like she was willing her to say yes.
"Yeah, sure we will." Alex smiled at Emmi who had a grin on her face as she went back to looking at the pizza menu.
"Mummy," Hayden hit Alex's shoulder as she was still up in her arms. "Where is Grandma?" Hayden questioned, looking around the apartment, not being able to see her.
"She has gone to see Auntie K." Alex said.
"Oh," Hayden answered as Alex put her back on the floor. "I play with my Duplo." Hayden said as she ran over to the toybox.
"So," Alex looked back to Maggie from watching Hayden. "How was work?"
"Non interesting today," Maggie said. "You?"
"Yeah, quiet." Alex murmured.
"I uh…." Maggie rubbed the back of her head. "I got the weekend off for uh…" Maggie gestured to Emmi. "Booked it today."
"Yeah?" Alex sounded pleased. "You tell her?" Alex whispered it and Maggie shook her head.
"I thought we could tell her together," Maggie also kept her tone quiet because Emmi wasn't far away at all. "You can." Maggie pointed to Emmi.
Alex gave her a little smile before they both took steps to be closer to Emmi. "Hey, Em's," Alex looked down to her daughter. "You know for your birthday?"
"Yeah?" Emmi spoke questioningly as she looked up to Alex.
"Well Mama and I are going to take you and Hayden to the cabin by the lake for it." Alex said, and Emmi gasped as she gave a little jump of excitement.
"Really?" Emmi couldn't believe it. "When Mama says we'll see usually she means no, but you are really saying yes?" Emmi questioned, needing to make sure she heard her mother right.
"Yup." Alex nodded.
Emmi gave a squeal of excitement. "This is going to be the best birthday," Emmi gave Alex a hug before running around to Maggie, giving her a hug also. "Thank you Mama." Emmi held her tight.
"You're welcome sweet girl." Maggie ruffled her hair.
"The 4 of us, really?" Emmi asked.
"Just the 4 of us," Maggie answered. "Well, Trudi is coming too."
"That's cool," Emmi smiled. "She loves swimming, so she'll love being at the lake," Emmi was jumping around, looking like she could hardly contain her excitement. "Did you tell Hayden?"
"Not yet." Maggie shook her head.
"Hayden, Hayden." Emmi ran across to the living room, clearly keen to tell her little sister the news.
Maggie and Alex looked to each other, smiling at the excitement the news had brought their daughter. "We best make sure this is going to be good weekend for her, huh?"
"I'm pretty sure the 4 of us being away together has made her happy enough," Alex replied, her eyes on Emmi again, the smile not dropping from her face. "Thanks for this, Maggie." Alex gave her an appreciative smile. She didn't have to agree with it. Many people probably wouldn't agree to a little vacation with their wife when they weren't living together, but it just went to show that Maggie was being honest when she said she wanted them to get back what they had.
"Well like you said, maybe we do need some time away from this city and everything that's happened lately," Maggie murmured. "Some good old family time with our girls," Maggie looked over to the room, Hayden giving a cheer at being told about their little trip to the lake. "And maybe after that you could move home." Maggie said, looking back to Alex, who did look a little shocked.
"Yeah?" Alex felt a smile forming on her lips.
"Well we'll be living together at the lake, right, so it can be like a little test run," Maggie said. "See if we are ready for that."
"Sounds good," Alex answered. She knew Maggie just didn't want to rush things and make things worse between them. Maggie gave a little nod, glad Alex was able to see it from her point of view, even if Alex wanted to be home right now. They both stared into each other's eyes for a moment, Maggie licking her bottom lip as her gaze darted down to Alex's. "So uh," Alex cleared her throat as she picked up the menu for the pizza's. "What pizza's we going to get?" Alex questioned looking at the menu, going to see what they could order for dinner because she'd ruined the lasagne.
Eliza had returned home from Kara's just after Maggie and the girls had left. She found Alex sitting on the couch, looking at one of her photo albums filled with photos of the girls. "Hey," Eliza walked over to the couch where Alex was sitting. "How was dinner with Maggie?"
"Good." Alex smiled, her gaze still on the picture of Emmi holding a very little baby Hayden.
"You two get some more talking done?" Eliza wondered as she sat down next to her daughter.
"Not really," Alex told her. "But you know, the girls were here," Alex reminded her mother. "We just had some family time and we laughed and joked around with the girls and it felt…." Alex gave a little shrug as she looked up to her mother. "It felt normal."
"Well that's good though," Eliza noted. "That's what you want, right?"
"Hmmm," Alex nodded. "And we are going away for a few days," Alex informed her mother, Eliza looking a little surprised. "For Emmi's birthday. We are going to the cabin by the lake, so…that should be good, and you know, progress. We're making progress."
"Well I am pleased," Eliza gave a smile as she looked down to the photo album as Alex turned the page. "Time away from this city and everything can only be good," Eliza noted. "So uh…did Maggie say any more about the case?" Eliza couldn't bring herself to say the woman's name, but she knew that Alex would know who she was talking about.
Alex shook her head. "She is in custody until sentencing but we don't know when that is yet. They are waiting on a date."
"Well hopefully for the sake of you two and the other poor women she's violated it comes soon," Eliza knew these things could take a while and she didn't want her daughter to keep suffering with the not knowing how long she was going to be put away for, but she was extremely pleased that she didn't have to give a statement in court. "And she gets the longest sentence possible."
"Yeah, you and me both," Alex murmured. "I mean, if Maggie was in charge I'm sure she'd beat her to a pulp, lock her up and throw away the key," Alex said. "But its not up to her, is it?"
"Well no," Eliza shook her head. "But I still have some faith in the system and it's likely she'll be away for a long, long time." Eliza had to think this. Thinking anything else wasn't an option. Not after what this woman had done to her daughter.
"That's the hope," Alex said, looking to the picture of Hayden. "God, she was so tiny, even there when she was.." Alex looked to the writing under the picture and read the word October. "She'd be 4 months there, but she looks like maybe 6, 7 weeks."
"Well she was early, and it took her a while to grow," Eliza said. Not that Alex would need reminding of that. "But look at her now. She's no fear and is the tallest out of all her little day care buddies."
"Hmm," Alex pursed her lips. "I miss her being that little though," Alex admitted. "She was so sweet and gentle," Alex reminisced. "Now she climbs everything and jumps around and God, she freaks me out. She really does have no fear."
Eliza gave a little chuckle. "Reminds me of you at her age," Eliza told her daughter. "You loved climbing too and was always off exploring and finding bugs and things," Eliza said. "She's so like you."
Alex smiled lightly and couldn't help but turn her thoughts to Carter. "I wonder if Carter would have followed in those footsteps as well then."
"He could have." Eliza gave a little shrug. Alex didn't talk about Carter a lot and she always felt a little unsure of how much she could say.
Alex pursed her lips as she put her hand onto her stomach. "Maybe Maggie and I should have another baby." Alex suggested, Eliza widening her eyes a little, that the last thing she expected her daughter to say right now.
"Seriously?" Eliza questioned.
"Why not?" Alex retorted. "We wanted a third child and right now we are not happy. We're…." Alex trailed off, giving a shrug. "Maybe adding a new baby would pull us back together. Give us something to focus on, you know?"
"Oh Alex, I…" Eliza didn't know how to phrase what she wanted to say. Sure, in the future if they wanted to try again they could, but right now wasn't the ideal time. A baby wouldn't magically fix their marriage and make what happened disappear.
"I think it could be just what we need." Alex said as she stood up from the couch, handing the photo album down to her mother before disappearing down the hall and going into the bedroom, Eliza left wondering if Alex was being serious or if it was just her way of trying to make things she didn't want to talk about go away.
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