A/N Don't own, don't sue

A/N Again thank you all for your wonderful reviews! The more outstanding reviews I receive the faster I work to try and get new chapters up! This is also a reasonably short chapter but trust me the next chapter is (I hope) well worth the wait!

Chapter Thirteen

Jude was finally being released from the hospital, but instead of letting Tommy take her back to Selena's or taking her to the hotel where the others were, she insists the two of them go up and see Miriam. "Quincy the whole week I've been in here you haven't once gone to see her, she's your mom. I know it's hard for you, but I'm with you."

"Fine!" his voice had raised more than he intended for it to, not because he was mad, but because of the situation. It was beyond painful for him to deal with his mother in this depressive state, and on the occasion that she was conscious? Then it was even worse, and then all she could tell him was how worthless he is. It's not like he didn't know it anyway, after all he'd lost Jude. He hangs his head trying to fight back the tears burning his eyes and pretend he's tougher than he feels. He knew she wouldn't buy the act, she knew him better than anyone.

He feels her hand reach up and pull him towards her by placing it on the back of his head, her fingers laced within his hair. He can feel the rise and fall of every breath she takes from where his forehead now rests on her chest, until he sinks to her knees beside the bed she's sitting on and wraps his arms carefully around her waist. He lays his head in her lap, burying his face as her fingers dance through his hair soothingly. "Everything will be all right babe. Remember, you aren't the guy she knew. She's doesn't know Tom Quincy. It breaks my heart she doesn't know what you've become, because I know if she were capable of understanding it she'd be so proud Quincy. Just like I am."

He lifts his head to look up at her, confusion written on his face plain as day. She's proud of him? After all he's done to her? After all the times he'd broken her heart? Broken promises? His mouth opens to speak, but Jude beats him to it and continues on in her little speech. "Yes Tommy, I'm proud of the man you've become. I'm proud to know you. You've made mistakes, because you're human, but it doesn't erase all of the wonderful things about you, truly the mistakes don't even compare." She moves to stand and he leans back standing quickly so he can help her off the bed. He treats her like she's made of glass, so afraid of breaking her, and breaking the spell that seems to be on them. After all why else would things be going this good for him? She reaches up and cups the side of his face with her hand for a moment, then takes his hand into her own. "Let's go Quincy"

When they reach his mother's room Jude ushers him in, pausing only long enough to press a feather light kiss to his cheek. "This is something you need to do without me Quincy, but when you're through I'll be waiting." She felt as though she was sending him into the lions den at this point, and maybe in a way she was as his mother only remembered the Tommy he once was and not the man he had become. But if he was ever going to make peace with his past, he had to start with her, and it was something he truly needed to do on his own; just like she had needed to move to London on her own, to see if she could stand on her own two feet.

She walks out to the waiting room, slowly and carefully to meet up with her family and his cousin. Instantly she is enveloped in loving arms and a sea of words that though they are too mixed up to understand she knows everyone was worried, until suddenly Selena gently pulls her away from the group. She addresses them, "I need to borrow Jude for a minute, if Tom happens to come out before we get back just tell him we're outside and whatever you do; don't let him leave!"

Jude follows her outside into the cool night, wrapping her arms around herself as she looks confused at Selena. "What's on your mind?"

"Look I need to know, since you're being released… Are you leaving? Are you walking away from him again and going back to London?"

"Selena, I came here to be there for him through all of this. His mother is still here; my reasons for coming aren't…" She hadn't a clue how to finish that, what was she supposed to say? There was more to it than she was admitting to Selena. More than she was willing to fully admit at all. Tommy was the only one who ever understood her completely, even better than Jamie. Tommy saw her on a level no one did, and she saw him the same. She knew even if he couldn't ever say it he needed her through this the way she had needed him when she had first caught her dad cheating. Sure his home life was harder than hers, and had left him with more scars than her own childhood, but she still understood the need and she could see it in his eyes. But how was she going to portray that to Selena without telling her things Tommy wouldn't want exposed?

"I know, you want to pull him out of the pit of self-destruction Jude, but don't you get it? Even if you get him through to her death and after, if you leave him behind it's still going to destroy him all over again. He's loved, but not like he loves you. I gave him hell the last time you were here and you guys broke things off and then you split. But I didn't understand just how much you mattered; I didn't understand any of it. When he came back this time I knew, I could see it. You have a childhood friend in there that can't stand Tom and even he can see it. Why can't you? After the way he hasn't left your bed from the second he found out you were here…"

"I…" But she didn't get the chance to even try and formulate a response; Jamie had come rushing outside to them.

"Tommy… He…" He pauses bending down with both hands on his knees trying to catch his breath, feeling his lungs turn nearly to ice from the air around them. "I've never seen him like this Jude… Selena… She…" He holds his hand up trying again to catch his breath and finish. "Miriam slipped into a coma. Tommy took off."

"You let him go?! Are you crazy?! Isn't that the exact thing I asked all of you not to do?!" Selena growls at him.

"I beg pardon but I, we, did not let him go! I don't know if you've seen him when he's in one of his moods and is determined… but he doesn't give you a choice! It's either let him or get run over and then he still gets away!"

"I'll go get him." Selena heads towards the door, but stops when she feels Jude's hand on her arm.

"Let me." As Selena nods Jamie puts his coat around her, seeing as while she had been discharged she hadn't changed into her own clothes yet and the hospital gown wasn't doing so well in the cool weather, and would be worse out in a more public local. She slips her arms through the sleeves before walking through the doors back into the hospital and through the ER heading out the door into the parking lot in search of Tommy. She saw her jeep still parked as though it hadn't moved since she'd been brought in. Where would he go?

She didn't know what had happened when he was alone with his mother, but if he had taken off without even looking for her she had a hunch as to where he would go. She knew she was in no condition to be walking in this after all she'd been through, but she doesn't care. She starts walking as quickly as she can towards the pier.

It hurts, more than she will admit to herself. She was in no condition for this, but it doesn't matter. Even if he won't admit it, he needs her now more than ever. The light inside her mind seemed to be tuned into a dimmer switch and over the course of time from the point she first saw him in London, to when she got the call from Sadie after their return, to now, she was realizing the reality of their situation. He needed her, like she needed him. They could survive without each other, but that wasn't living. Was it?

Nearing the pier she can see his dark silhouette in the distance standing at the edge hunched over, his hands buried in the pocket of his jeans. She nears him with silent steps born of slipper clad feet, biting her lower lip as the cold air has made her bare legs nearly numb now in the distance she's walked to him. But before she reaches him he sinks to his knees, his hands coming out of his pockets to lay flat on the cold damp boards below him. She knew he wasn't crying, not yet, his broad shoulders weren't moving enough for that. No, Tommy was still fighting it with every ounce of strength he has left.

She reaches him, kneeling down beside him, and before he even has a chance to realize she's there he can feel her arms encircling him. He tries to fight it at first, tries to brush her off. She doesn't let him, she tightens her hold on him and in time he stops fighting her knowing he won't win. He can feel his walls crumbling down around him, she's the only one who could ever do that, could ever shatter his walls without a single word passing her lips. As he finally gives in her hold shifts slightly, one hand coming to rest on the back of his head, her fingers entwined in his dark silky hair to hold him against her as tight as she is physically capable.

She holds onto him like this for a couple of minutes before he finally wraps his arms around her slender frame, ever so careful of her still healing ribs, pulling her closer to him and clinging to her like a life line. He takes a deep shuddering breath and it's the last before the dam breaks and the tears burst their way through pouring down his cold stubbly cheeks. It wasn't long before the tears became sobs that shake his body and hers, his body tenses even though he can't stop what has started it's as though he still fears that such a weak act will be what breaks them for good. As though he fears that his finally crumbling beneath everything he's ever gone through and is going through now will cause her to push him away and be done with him for good. So he clings tighter, large strong fingers curling into the coat he knows doesn't belong to her.

But she doesn't, to his shock and complete wonder she doesn't push him away, instead her own hold on him tightens. It's almost as if she's cradling him against her tightly, her fingers toying with the hair at the back of his neck soothingly, finger tips dancing over the skin below. Then her voice breaks through the sound of the waves around them and his own heart wrenching sobs, the softest whisper against his skin with the sweetest and kindest words she can utter, "It's okay Tommy, everything's okay, just let go babe… Let it all go…" She continues to whisper soothing words to him, and between them placing chaste kisses to his neck and cheek.

He clings to her for near half an hour before his sobs subside and he begins to steady his breathing. He pulls back to look at her through the tears still pooling in his pale blue eyes. He stares at her for the longest time without saying anything, and then he lifts his hand and touches her cheek with a shaking hand. "After all I've done, why Girl? Why did you come here?" It wasn't said in anger but in pure confusion, with all his mom had said before the coma, and in his life. All the things he'd told himself he was because of his short comings and his mistakes.

She can't help the gentle smile that graces her lips as she looks at him with starlit blue eyes, her hand cups the side of his face right at the jaw line; "Because you need me Thomas Dutois." Her hand slides back to the back of his head and she pulls his head towards her own until their foreheads touch. "Because I still love you."

He looks at her, brows knitting together in confusion. It was the first time she had ever called him by his real given name, and in the same breath she'd even said she loves him. She still loves him. He knows it's not the same as wanting to be with him, as being ready to be with him, but he was willing to take what he could get right now. "God, I love you so much Jude." He couldn't admit she was right about needing her, but God he did. He just couldn't say it. A sudden breeze catches them both, but it's Jude that shivers noticeably, her hand shaking against his head but she doesn't break contact. He pulls back looking down at her for the first time since she'd arrived and his eyes widen. "Girl, are you insane? You could catch your death out here like this! You just got out of the hospital!" He doesn't even try and hide the fear in his voice, the fear he won't give name to, but she knows. He stands and pulls her to her feet; he removes his jacket and has her hold it, before scooping her up bridal style and cradling her carefully against his chest and letting her lay his jacket over her bare legs to shield them from the cold. She doesn't argue with him, she just keeps her arms around his neck, her head resting on his shoulder and allows him to carry her back to the hospital.