Reasons that reason cannot know

Chapter 12

Lucas was sitting at his office. The practice was over and it went really well. Looked like this day was going to be better than the previous one. He was deep in his thoughts when is phone rang. He looked at the caller ID and smiled.

"Hey, Brooke! What's up?"

"Hey, Luke. Can you meet me for lunch, I wanna talk to you."

"Yeah, sure. 12.30?"

"Perfect, I'm gonna pick you up this time. I'll be in the neighborhood anyway."

"Ok. See you later."

He hung up and smiled. It was always good to spend time with Brooke Davis. She was so… Brooke. Serious and funny, mature and childish. She was a hell of a woman. And he would probably see Anna too. He loved this little girl very much already. It was going to be a nice day.

*-*-*

Brooke was at the door of Lucas' office. He was looking at something on his laptop, probably about the team the Ravens had to play against. She smiled. He had his Broody face she loved so much since high school. She didn't want to interrupt his brooding but they had to talk.

"Knock – knock."

Lucas recognized Brooke's voice. He looked at her and smiled.

"Hey. It's exactly 12.30. I can't believe it – Brooke Penelope Davis isn't late?"

Brooke gave him a look and started:

"You're mean, you know?"

"Really, are you sure you're the real Brooke?"

She punched his shoulder but laughed. Some things haven't changed. Like the fact that Lucas could always make her laugh.

"Oh, grow up, Lucas. Shall we go now?"

"Yeah. Hey, where is my favorite little girl?"

Lucas was really looking forward to see Anna. She was so amazing and he loved being around her so much.

Brooke couldn't believe how attached Lucas and Anna were to each other. Her little girl was asking about him and he really seemed to want to see her every chance he had. If only they knew…

"Well, before I came here, I had some stuff to do, some places to go, so I though it would be better if she stayed at home with her Auntie Peyton."

Lucas was a bit disappointed Anna wasn't coming with them, but having Brooke was great enough. Even if he knew she was going to ask about last night.

"I see. Let's get going then."

They smiled and left the office.

*-*-*

They talked mostly about his job as a coach during the ride to the restaurant. They sat and ordered and they both knew it was the time for the real conversation.

Brooke was nervous. It was always hard to talk to Lucas about Peyton, but she had to do it for everyone's sake.

"Luke, what happened last night?"

"Didn't Peyton tell you?"

"No. She came back looking as hell and said she doesn't want to talk about it. That's how I knew it was bad."

Lucas sighed. He really didn't want to talk to Brooke about that, but he knew it was inevitable.

"Well, we started talking and we got to our relationship. I asked why she didn't come to the book signing in LA after I called her and asked her to. She said she was there but saw me with Lindsey and decided that we were together and she left. As you know, there was nothing going on between Lindsey and me back then. I was still in love with Peyton and I was ready to start all over again. But as always, she gave up on us. And I told her that. We started blaming each other and I told her the truth."

"Which is?"

"That I will always care about her, that I want her in my life, but that I'm not in love with her and we should be friends. And that we are not meant to be."

Brooke couldn't believe it. Lucas Scott was saying he and Peyton Sawyer weren't meant to be?

"Luke, are you sure about that?"

Lucas was looking her in the eyes. He saw how shocked she was and he knew that she probably wouldn't believe him, but in his heart, he knew it for sure.

"Yes. I guess I should have figured it out long time ago. You see, when I first wanted to be with her, she ran away. When she realized she wanted to be with me, I was with you and we ended up hurting you, which I regret every single minute of every single day. I will never forgive myself the pain I put you through."

Lucas meant what he said. The fact he broke Brooke's heart then was something he would feel guilty his whole life. He couldn't believe how selfish he and Peyton were and they both hurt someone they cared about so much. He could never forgive himself.

It was painful to remember that, but Brooke had forgiven both Lucas and Peyton about it. Now, seeing how bad Lucas felt about it, she just wanted to show him he doesn't have to feel guilty. It was killing her seeing him like that.

"Luke, it's ok."

"No, it's not. I still can't believe that I… That we've done this. I could tell you I'm sorry until the end of time, but I know it couldn't erase the pain. But I really am, Brooke. And I'm sorry I'm bringing those memories back, but I have to tell you everything because otherwise you won't understand why I know for sue that me and Peyton are over."

Brooke was looking at the beautiful blue eyes she loved so much. She saw all the guilt and pain and she just wanted to heal it.

"Lucas, I forgave you both long time ago. Don't feel guilty. And it's ok to talk about it. I just want too know what is going on."

Lucas sighed. He knew what he was about to say was probably going to make Brooke feel awful, but he had t, so she would understand.

"When I broke up with you back then, it was because I didn't want to cheat on you anymore. You were so great and charming and caring, you didn't deserve that. And me and Peyton, we wanted to tell you about our feelings for each other and then we could get together. I know it's selfish and cruel, but we both thought it was better than sneaking around behind your back. Then, the night you told Peyton you found out the truth, she came by before you two met and she told me she couldn't be with me. And it was the right thing to do. But I'm mentioning it for another reason. For the second time, she gave up on us. Then, when I proposed to her, she said she was not ready and called me insecure. And I told you what happened in LA – she gave up again. Besides, everytime she decides she wants to be with me, I'm happy with someone else. It's clear we are not meant to be. And leave those proves. I don't feel like we are. I guess I was wrong when I thought we were. But I'm ok with it, you know? I care about Peyton. I always will. We've been through so much together and she is really special to me, but I want us to be just friends. That's it."

Lucas hated himself so much for reminding Brooke about what he has done to her. And that hate was nothing compared to the hate he felt for doing it at all. And Brooke could say she was fin now, that it's all in the past, but Lucas knew that the way he broke her heart made her more insecure and scared than she was before that. Yes, he knew that behind the mask of some cheery party girl, Brooke has always been unsure about herself, mostly because her parents, the way they ignored her. But she didn't show this to the world, she was always brave and smiling. He could only admire her selflessness and her amazing heart. She was one of the most incredible people anyone could ever know and she wasn't even realizing it. On the contrary, she has always thought she was not worth it. And part of the fault about that was his. And he just wished he had proven her how amazing she was. If she could only see herself the way he was seeing her…

Brooke listened very carefully, but still couldn't believe what she just heard. More than this, she saw Lucas meant it. He didn't want Peyton. He thought they weren't meant to be. And this fact was one of the things Brooke has been so sure about all these years. This fact was a big part of her decision not to tell Lucas the truth about Anna. And now, Lucas was saying that he and Peyton were not meant to be. It hurt because of her, because of Peyton. But somehow, Brooke was glad Lucas knew this for sure now. Why? Because now he would finally be absolutely free to move on. And that was what mattered the most. His happiness. The second most important thing in Brooke's life, right after Anna.

"Luke, you know I love Peyton and I want her to be happy, and that's why even after I met Lindsey, and believe me, I think she's great, I still hoped you and Peyton would find your way in the end. I wanted things to be like that for many reasons. But if you are really sure, if your heart is really sure that she is not the one, then ok. I'll respect that and I'll help Peyton realize it herself. I just want you to be happy, Lucas, no matter who with."

Lucas smiled at her. He was more than blessed to have her. She was always understanding and supporting, not judging and blaming. That's one of the reasons why he loved her and now he couldn't understand how he made it without her around all this time.

"You're something else, you know that?"

She was smiling and her dimples were the same as he remembered them. Yeah, she has changed a lot. Her hair was shorter, she looked a bit tired and stressed, but her smile and her eyes were the same. And more important: she still had this amazing heart he has once fallen in love with.

Looking at his eyes, seeing him smile, hearing him say things like that… Brooke's heart was beating so fast. All she wanted was to tell him she loved him and kiss him. But she just couldn't. She had no right to do that. And besides, she loved him too much to make him feel so confused as she knew he would if she did something even close to that. Still, she couldn't stop herself from dreaming about the life she, Lucas and Anna could have. And it was all Brooke wanted, but it could only happen in another life.

"So, let's stop talking about all that drama. How is Anna?"

As strange as it sounded, he missed this little girl more than he could explain. There was something about her that made him love her from the moment he saw held her when she was just 3 months old.

"Getting bigger every day. More than that. She is just 2 and half years old and she is already stubborn as hell, fighting for what she wants and refusing everything she doesn't like."

"Well, knowing her mom, she is going to get even more stubborn, because you, Brooke Penelope Davis, are the most stubborn people on the whole planet."

"Really, Lucas Eugene Scott?"

"I told you to never say the E – word."

"And what about the P- word? You know I hate that name."
"It's still not that bad as Eugene."

"Of course it isn't, Eugene."

They were laughing now. Like all the trouble was forgotten.

"You're lucky we are in a restaurant. When we get out of here, you're so gonna pay."

"Really, are you sure?"

They were laughing and making fun of each other. Both felt happy and enjoyed every second of the time they spend together. Just like back in high school.

*-*-*

"You suck, you know that?"

Brooke was breathing heavily. After they left the restaurant Lucas tickled her to death as a payback for mentioning his middle name.

"No, I don't. I'm handsome, intelligent, charming basketball coach, who is also author of a bestseller. And I love you too, Brooke."

She trembled. Hearing him say these words always made her heart stop for a second, then start beating faster than ever. He said that in a friendly way, nothing more than that, but still, it was Lucas telling her he loved her.

"Yeah, you are, but you are also immature, childish and… Broody."

They both laughed. They had such a great time together. Why did it have to end? But before that, there was one more thing…

"Luke, you have some more free time?"

"Like half and hour, maybe even an hour. Why?"
"I want to talk to you about something. Get into the car."

"Where are you taking me?"
"You'll see."

"You're not planning to kidnapping me and torturing me and then kill me, don't you"

She smiled and slightly punched him in the stomach.

"No, I'm not. And get serious, I wanna talk to you about something important."

He looked at her. She was nervous about what was about to happen, but she was still smiling and cheery. Somehow, she seemed younger, like she was back in high school, without all those she had to look after. Not that she wasn't happy about Anna or the company. But it was hard for her and Lucas could see it. Today, she seemed like the girl who beat hiss ass on pool, get him drunk and took him get a tattoo. He smiled when he remembered that night. It was a really remarkable one. She was singing with the radio while driving. She has always been a horrible singer, but somehow she was so charming while she sang. Before Lucas realized, they have stopped. He got out of the car and realized where they were.

"Brooke, what are we doing at my mom's café, well, the place it used to be?"

They got inside and Lucas saw that Brooke was nervous as hell, but he just couldn't figure out what was happening there.

"Well, I was looking for a place to open a COB store here, in Tree Hill. I looked at many places, but I didn't like any of them. Then the company called me and told me they found the perfect place for me. Imagine my surprise when they brought me here. At first, I thought "No! That is Karen's café, you can't even think of that!". But then, I felt so safe here, like I belonged. And I know it sounds stupid, but I just thought this is it. But I couldn't buy it before I talked to you and be sure you and Karen are ok with that. So, I brought you here and told you my crazy idea. Do you hate me?"

Lucas looked at her smiling. She found again a way to surprise him. But that was Brooke Davis after all.

"No, of course I don't hate you. And sure I'm ok with that. There is no one else I would want more to have this than you. And I'm sure my mom is gonna love the idea. Of course you can have it Brooke."

Her eyes were full of tears. She knew that Lucas would probably say something like that, but still it meant so much. Nobody could imagine how much. He got closer to her and hugged her, one arm on her back, the other on the back of her head. Brooke rested her head on his chest and put her arms around him. And suddenly, everything seemed so safe and warm. There, in Lucas' arms, she felt complete and happy. Like this was the place she belonged.

"Thank you, Lucas. Thank you so much."

"You're welcome."

They pulled away from the hugged, but still stayed close and looked at each other's eyes, smiling.

"If it wasn't for you, I don't know what I would do. You were the one to see that I wasn't the brainless slutty cheerleader. You were the one who told me I could be so much than that. You are the one who made mw who I am now. And you are the one who helped e through the hardest moments in my life. I don't know if I could survive if it wasn't for you, Lucas."

"You don't have anything to thank me for. You have always been fiercely independent, brilliant, beautiful and brave and you have already changed the world, Brooke. And not by your fabulous designs or by the money you give for charity. You changed it with your amazing heart, your unconditional love and selflessness, Brooke."

Her eyes were again full of tears. He hated seeing her cry, even if those were happy tears. But still, he enjoyed every second of that moment they shared.

"You know, during those 4 and a half years since graduation, there were many moments I fought I was just going to give up. And there were times I almost did. But everytime I felt like I just wouldn't be able to go on, I remembered or read those words, and all the other amazing things you wrote for me in your book, and they gave me strength. They kept me fighting and gave me strength to keep moving on. They saved me numerous times. You saved me, Lucas. I'm standing here because of you."

For a few more moments, they stood like that, just looking at each other and in silence. Then, one of them spoke.

"I love you, Lucas."

"I love you too, Brooke."

*-*-*

Lucas sat at his office again. He thought the last couple of hours. And for the first time in a very long time, he opened his laptop and started writing.