A.N: Hey guys!!
So here the chapter 13 you were waiting for. You Dimitri/Rose out there should be slightly satisfied with this chapter. Oh by the way in my heard the song 'Still Loving You' by Scorpion is the theme song for Dimitri in this story. I listened to it over and over again as I wrote the gym scene below.
A big thanks to Jessa, my Beta, again for doing just a fantastic job and supporting me when I go in my little 'omg I sucks' neurotic crisis!
Big kudos to you too my dear reviewers. I know every author say that but it's REALLY you that keep me going.
Love you guys.
Steffy.
Chapter 13:
"I-- What?" I asked letting Adrian in. "Do you know what time it is?"
"Do you trust me?" he asked as he swirled around to face me.
"In theory," I said warily. I rarely saw him so intense, he was even slightly flushed. He threw me a slight exasperated glance.
"Of course I trust you, you know that," I said shaking my head.
"So let me sleep with you," he said bluntly and took off his jacket.
I let out a weird noise; a mix of a laugh, a snort and a shocked sound. "Nice try dude. Didn't you get enough this afternoon?"
"What? No! No!!" he grimaced.
"You could do worse!" I replied offended. My hormones made me OVER sensitive.
"I . . . Rose," he sighed. "I need to show you something in there," he said tapping my forehead gently.
"And you need to be in my bed for that?" I asked incredulous. "You managed to enter my head when I was all the way in Siberia!!"
"No I need to take you somewhere. Please Rose, trust me. I'll be gone before you wake up."
I yawned. "K, whatever I just need to sleep," I said walking to my room. I stretched out on the bed, letting out a sigh of wellbeing.
"Can I take your hand?" he asked lying on the bed, on top of the covers.
"Uh huh," I said already half gone.
When I dreamed I was in the back garden of a very nice wooden house, with a big back porch. I quickly scanned the surroundings; there was a very big, old tree with a crooked thick branch that was changed into a swing.
"Where are we?"
"In someone else's dream."
"You can do that?!" I asked shocked.
He smiled, "Yes, but I needed to be in physical contact with you to take you in. Belikov and I share a bond already, that's why it's not that hard."
"Can they can see us?"
"Nope we have to remain unseen, or he'll know we've invaded his head."
"He?" I tried suspiciously. "Don't tell me you--"
"Yes I did," he sighed. "You need to see the truth. I don't know how much we'll see here, but I get his emotions, and I can feel his overpowering love for you . . . and his intense pain when you push him away."
"This is what he asked you to do?" I asked coldly, I hated that one of my best friends joined Dimitri's side.
"No he didn't. He asked me to step down, to give him a chance to regain his place in your life."
"I--" I started when I saw a little boy of about five or six run out of the house and into the garden.
He was laughing loudly. "Daddy I won!" he shouted proudly jumping up and down. He had chin length deep brown hair, just like mine.
Dimitri came out of the house with a bucket and a bright smile. His hair was a lot shorter too; it was the same length as Gabriel's and I suspected it was the son wanting to mimic the father. He had gained his weight back, and was healthier, manlier if that was possible.
"What's your point in showing me this?"
"Just watch Rose."
I sighed, but continued to watch. I didn't want to admit it, but being in Dimitri's dream hurt me; because sometimes I almost had the same dream. I was probably just too scared, too hurt, to reach for it.
"Yes you won son," said Dimitri with unmistakable pride and joy in his voice. "That's why mom calls you her Little Ninja, she never sees you disappear."
Gabriel giggled and settled on the grass as Dimitri put what I could now see was a bucket of white paint on the ground.
"Can I help you repaint the fence?" Gabriel asked.
"Will you be careful?" asked Dimitri seriously, but I could see the humor in his eyes. "You know we promised Mommy a nice, clean fence."
"I'll be careful. Slow and well done is better than fast and messy," said Gabriel solemnly. I could see the same intensity in him as in Dimitri's childhood picture.
Dimitri nodded and ruffled Gabriel's hair before kissing his forehead.
"Here you go big boy," he said giving him a small paint brush. "You do the little connections at the bottom alright?" Gabriel nodded vigorously, a bright smile on his face, and started to work alongside his Dad.
"Yeah he loves his son; I get that," I said to Adrian, slightly hurt not to be in the picture.
"So why are you trying to keep him out of Gabriel's life?" I hated when people asked me questions just like this one. I wanted to punch him in answer, because I knew there wasn't a good answer.
"Letting him in Gabriel's life will be letting him in . . . in mine. I'm not sure that I'm ready for that."
"Isn't he in your life already?" asked Adrian. I knew it was a rhetorical question, or at least I decided to treat it like that, because there was no way I would answer this question, no matter who was asking it. I wouldn't even answer it for myself.
The dream suddenly changed like in a haze, and half the fence was done at once. I saw something in my peripheral vision, and concentrated on the back porch again.
Here I was, Dimitri's dream version of me. She looked exactly as I always had, maybe a bit older, but the same long wavy hair - I knew how much Dimitri loved my hair. She was wearing a simple red summer dress with flip flops. She looked happy - blissfully happy - calm and rested. I was pretty sure that I wasn't a guardian in this dream. The dream me was a bit brighter than everything else, it was as if she were surrounded by a halo of light.
"Gabriel," she called when she stopped at the porch stairs, "Daniel's mom is here."
"Why on earth am I glowing like that?" I asked with my best 'what-the-fuck' face, looking at Adrian.
"Do you really want to know?"
"Why would I ask otherwise?" I was getting annoyed with his ominous attitude. He was an ass even in dreams . . . damn!
"You are the light of his life. In his dream he can't see you glow, but it's a pattern when I visit dreams. The most important person of your life glows slightly."
I snorted.
"Rose . . ." he said as if he were chastising a child.
Gabriel jumped up. "I'll see you later Daddy," he called back as he ran toward the dream me.
They went into the house, and the dream me came back out about five minutes later. She stayed under the porch watching Dimitri paint shirtless. Well I couldn't blame her because I was doing exactly the same thing, watching his back muscles move in synch with the paintbrush . . . stupid hormones!
Dimitri turned his face and saw her staring at him. I was thankful that he couldn't see me here ogling him too.
"See something you like?" he teased.
"Always," she replied cheekily and gestured to a glass on the small table under the porch, "I brought you lemonade."
Dimitri closed the paint bucket and walked lazily to join her under the porch. He wrapped an arm around her waist and brushed her cheek tenderly with the back of his hand.
"Every time I look at you, you take my breath away," he whispered brushing his lips against hers.
"That's the idea Mister Belikov," she smiled, "You aren't bad either."
"I'm glad you think so Mrs. Belikov," he replied letting go of her and reaching for the cold glass. "So the little man was excited huh?"
"Yeah, apparently he really enjoys soccer. He gets to be with all of his friends."
"He's growing so fast," he confirmed with nostalgia in his voice.
"Do you miss having a baby in the house?"
"Sometimes," he shrugged. "Yes . . . yes I have to admit that I do."
"You won't for long," she said with a smile.
"Do you . . .? Are you . . .?" he put the glass on the table. "Are you telling me that--?"
"We're going to have a baby? Yes that's what I'm saying."
Dimitri lifted her up and twirled her around in a large circle. All I could hear was his deep throaty laugh, it made my heart ache. It had been so long since I heard that laugh. I missed it so badly.
"I love you Roza so, so much," he said still keeping her in his arms. "Another child with you, it's a pure blessing"
Then they started to kiss softly. It quickly became heavy, and the dream me reached for Dimitri's jeans buttons.
"I think it's time to go," said Adrian,
"No come on! Now it's finally getting interesting," I whined.
"I'd rather go blind Rose, and I think it might happen if I stay even a minute longer."
"But--" I started. The dream faded away, and I was alone with Adrian in a big meadow.
"Are you that frustrated?" he asked with a small smile.
"The hormones dude," I said looking away slightly embarrassed. "What was the point to all that?" I asked to change the subject.
"I know you, you may have flaws, but you aren't petty."
"Okay . . ." I trailed off confused.
"And what you're doing to him is cruel, Rose. I know that's not what you're looking for."
"I'm not letting him believe we can be together again."
"But you also keep telling him that you don't love him anymore, which is the biggest lie anyone could ever tell," he shook his head. "We know that's probably more a lie to yourself than anyone else, but can you blame him for believing that it's the same for everything else?"
"I guess not," I replied displeased to see how right Adrian was.
"He thinks you're only driven by your anger, but I know it's more than that, it goes deeper. Be honest, be calm and talk to him."
"I . . . I don't know," I said suddenly weary.
"You know I'll be by your side no matter what," he said with a smile. "You might decide to ignore my advice and go on the way you are; I'll still be there. But I needed to tell you this, because who else could? I'm the one linked to him, and I truly think he'll be a wonderful father, however hard it is for me to admit it."
"I know that," I sighed.
"I see it when you smile back at him, or when you let him touch you," he smiled sadly. "It might not mean anything to you, but I can see that for him it's everything."
"What am I supposed to do?" I asked earnestly.
"Just be honest, and what you don't know tell him that you don't know. He might have been an ass, but--" he reached for my hand. "Plus I know that denial isn't helping you, you still suffer as much as before, you just hide it well."
"Yes, I know," I shook my head. "I'm just scared that it will hurt more."
"I doubt it, but it's not good, this denial. Not for you, him or even the baby. Now I stop, no matter what. I won't mettle in your relationship again," he hugged me. "See you tomorrow," he said before fading away, letting me finish my night in a dream free environment.
When I woke up it took me a minute to settle everything I had experienced the previous night. The realization of my selfishness hit me like a tidal wave. I only saw my abandonment, my pain, but what about Gabriel? He deserved to have his father in his life. I knew how it was to have no father, and if I had the chance to give one to my son a man as good as Dimitri, then I shouldn't deny either of them that possibility. What if Dimitri stayed for Gabriel? I couldn't punish him for that!
I stood up and quickly looked for something to wear; anything really as I needed to talk with him before all of my courage vanished. I grabbed a muffin that was left from yesterday and a tall glass of milk before I left to find Dimitri. I bet this was something he didn't see coming.
I went down to the administrative building to check the guardians schedule for the day, and notice that Dimitri wasn't scheduled before the afternoon. "Do any of you know where guardian Belikov might be?" I asked a couple of guardians that were sitting around drinking coffee.
"Where he always is when he's not with you," said the talk black one. I wanted to slap his smirk off his face.
"And where is that?" I asked coldly.
"The lower gym," said the other one, and I heard the silent 'duh'.
"Thanks," douche bags.
Truth be told, I should have known that Dimitri was at the small gym. Pavel had told me that - with his new strength and probably sky-high level of frustration - Dimitri kept destroying the training material. So the Queen had equipment made just for him, and transformed the tiny lower gym into a private gym. It wasn't supposed to be private really, but the weights were too heavy and the punching bag was fitted to the actual wall. No normal guardians could train there; and - view the reaction of the two others - it was a source of jealousy.
"Men . . ." I groaned.
Before I reached the gym I could hear music full force. I couldn't help but roll my eyes; some things never changed, one of them being Dimitri's terrible music taste. Why was he so appealed to the 80's music? A Prince song finished, and Scorpion began to blare through the speakers.
When I walked in Dimitri didn't even turn around. He continued to hit the punching bag with so much force that I wondered if he could kill someone with just a punch. He was bound to know that I was here, but he continued, and while he trained I watched him. He was shirtless, wearing only a loose pair of gray training shorts. I couldn't help my memory flashing back to the dream - his muscles bulging under the sun - it was just as appealing now. Damn it girl! Put some ice on it!!
A new song started and Dimitri stopped punching the bag almost immediately. I knew that song it was 'Still Loving You' by Scorpion. It was one of the only Scorpion songs that I actually liked.
Dimitri finally turned around to face me, a look of pure pain on his face. He fell down on his knees, shoulders hunched down. "Is there really no chance to start once again?" he asked with the song. "You won Rose. You got me on my knees," his voice was so broken that it actually hurt me beyond words.
I couldn't believe I hurt him this much, I was a monster! Whatever he did, he didn't deserve this, being down on his knees. I slowly walked to him and rested my hand on his clammy shoulder.
"I never wanted this," I said in a low shaky voice, I was doing my best to fight my tears. "I'm sorry."
He took my hand that was resting on his shoulder and brought it to his cheek. He leaned into the touch letting out what seemed to be a sigh of relief. "I never meant to hurt you . . . Ever," he said eyes closed still keeping my hand on his face.
"I know," I said now rubbing his cheek with my thumb.
He opened his eyes and looked up at me, like it was hard for him to believe in this simple gesture of affection. Did he really believe I didn't love him anymore?
"I came to see if you wanted to come and see the doctor with me this morning," I said gently. "He wants to see if my being off bed rest is okay. And I thought," I smiled down at him, "that you might enjoy listening to our son's heartbeat."
"Our son," he repeated. The pure joy on his face hurt me; I never would have been petty enough to deny him that.
"Of course, our Son," I repeated.
He let go of my hand and wrapped his arms around my waist, well sort of. He rested his cheek on the side of my belly and whispered some words in Russian. I idly started to stroke his hair in a soothing gesture.
"I never wanted to hurt you."
"I know," I replied, loving the contact, the closeness . . . the touch.
"I want the best for you two, you're my family."
"I know," I closed my eyes as it hurt me to let some of my walls down. I would try to keep the one around my heart up, I needed to.
"I love him so much already you know," he said still keeping his cheek on my belly, but be brought his hand up and started to gently rub the other side.
"I know you do Dimitri, and he will love you so much too," I added confidently. Dimitri would be the best father possible, teaching our son all of the right lessons.
"And you . . . My Roza, my life. I love you more than words can explain."
To that I didn't answer, I didn't want to believe it; I had no right to believe it.
"Roza?" Dimitri tried.
I looked down and met his troubled eyes.
"You know that . . . don't you? You know that you are the love of my life right?" he asked with urgency.
I smiled tiredly at him, reaching for his forehead in order to remove the strand of hair that lay out of place there. He sighed and kissed my belly, sending an electrical current down my spine. Now it was just too much.
I gently wiggled out of his embrace. "Come on we better go now," I said softly. "We have to go see the doctor in less than two hours, and you need to shower and move all your stuff from your guardian room to my spare room. It's--"
"What?" asked Dimitri in shock; his shirt was only half way on. "You want me to . . . move in?" he asked like he didn't understand.
"You said it yourself; he's as much your baby as he is mine." I reached for his hand and squeezed it. "You need to be in his life fully, and I know you want to take care of him through me."
He turned slightly somber, "Gabriel is not the reason I want to take care of you Roza. I-"
"Please let's just keep it at that," I saw sadness in his face again so I couldn't help adding, "for now."
He nodded, "There's hope for us. You might love me again one day."
"That seems quite unlikely," I said, and I could see his face fall with every word. "In order to love you again, I would have had to stop loving you in the first place, and that never happened. I don't think it ever will."
He walked to me with hooded eyes, and brought his hand to my face to trace my bottom lip with his thumb pad. As he leaned down slowly I knew what he was about to do. I turned my head away quickly.
"No please," I whispered. "Don't do that, give me time."
"Time," he whispered nodding slightly. "Time is all I have, since when I don't have you I have nothing."
"So give it to me please. I don't know where I stand yet," I admitted.
"Anything for you Rose, anything," he still bent down and kissed my forehead. "Thank you," he whispered as his lips lingered on my forehead.
"You're welcome," I replied. I was already wondering if I just made the biggest mistake of my life.