A/N. Hi all! I'm so happy that everyone is enjoying my story. Love all the reaction to Ian. I hope I'm establishing his character well enough for future chapters and how he will be departing from this story. That being said, he will be around for a few more chapters...sorry!
Thank you all so much for the support. Over 100 follows.. how amazing. It means so much. Keep those reviews coming...they fuel me. :). So let's move on with the next chapter.
As always, I own nothing.
Chapter 14.
The winter break flew by and Jane found herself into her second semester at school.
She had eased through her finals with a 94%, and yes she had showed up at Maura's and rang the doorbell 94 times. Maura just stood by and shook her head.
Jane was into her third trimester now and was feeling quite exhausted. Angela helped out as much as she could by preparing her meals for her and doing some grocery shopping and laundry, every little bit helped. Even Frank helped out by lugging all the heavy items up to Jane's apartment. He wouldn't let her lift anything heavy. They were all treating Jane like she was a delicate flower...and she hated every second of it. She fought tooth and nail to do things for herself. The only person she would succumb to was Maura. It was fair to say that she would do just about anything for the beautiful Doctor. She had come to realize by now that she was falling in love with her. She was in a constant battle with herself because she felt she shouldn't be having these feelings. She knew Maura cared for her but she also knew that nothing could come of this and she would have to bury her feelings.
And that is the reason she was in the position she was right now. The battle between her heart and her mind was stressing her out and taking it's toll on her. She had become short with people, especially her mother. Poor Angela, all she wanted to do was make sure Jane was ok. Angela expected this to happen , only she had no idea how Jane felt about Maura. As a matter of fact, she had no idea how Jane felt about women. One of the reasons Angela was against this whole process was because she felt Jane was going to ruin her body for her husband and her chances of having her own family one day. The only person Jane would ever confide in was Frankie, he was her Vault however she had not shared her feelings for he blonde with him.
Over the last week or so Angela had noticed Jane was especially irritable and it was increasingly hard to have a conversation with her without her freaking out on you. Angela decided to talk to Jane while Frank was in the room because Jane wouldn't yell at her with her father there. She had suggested for her to go see one of the therapists that the Agency has on staff. She knew Jane wouldn't talk to her but figured if she could at least talk to someone she might feel better. With Frank's help, Angela managed to convince her and that's where she was at this very moment.
She was sitting in the Dr. Fletchers office while thinking over the last few months of her life and how drastically her life has changed. She had certainly popped over the last few weeks but she was all stomach. She was brought out of her thoughts by the office door opening and the Doctor stepping out.
"Hello Jane I'm Dr. Fletcher, sorry to have kept you waiting." The middle aged Doctor extended her hand for Jane to shake.
" Nice to meet you Dr Fletcher. I wasn't waiting very long" Jane replied.
The Doctor led her through the threshold. Jane entered and waited for the Doctors lead. They stood awkwardly for a moment.
"So am I supposed to lay down or something?" She asked.
The Doctor smiled " You can if you would like to but this isn't the movies Jane. You can just sit." She motioned for Jane to sit on the couch.
"So Jane I'd just like to begin by saying this is a very casual session. We can just talk about whatever you'd like. I want you to feel as comfortable as possible. "
"Ok thank you."
"Great, can I get you something to drink?" The Doctor asked
"Oh god no...I'll be in the toilet in 5 minutes" they laughed
"Ok, fair enough. Most of my patients feel the same way. "
Jane got more comfortable.
"So tell me Jane, why did you decide to come and see me" she asked
" Well, in two words, Angela Rizzoli.". The Doctor looked at her puzzled. " My mother seems to think that I'm holding things in because I'm being a teeny bit cranky lately. " She made the tiny notion with her fingers.
"I see. Well its understandable, you have a couple of humans growing inside of you. You're probably uncomfortable half the time not to mention you probably haven't had a really good nights sleep in a while"
Jane nodded along with everything the Doctor was saying. " You must have kids " Jane said
"Yes I do, twin boys. But they are away in college now. But the point is that you have every right to feel that way, I know I did "
"Thank you Doc".
" How could they possibly know how you are feeling. "
"Right! How could they. They don't understand" Jane said.
"Right, how could they. " The doctor paused and looked at Jane "How could they Jane? How could they possible know what your going through, what your experiencing ... if you don't express it to them."
Jane paused for a moment. "You're good" she said to the Doctor.
"I try" she smiled.
"I guess I'm not real good at this sort of thing. I don't share my feelings, I bottle them up and deal with them later...by myself. That may come across as being irritable to the people around me. "
Jane began.
" That's perfectly understandable. Do you think maybe you'd like to share something with me?"
" I don't know. " Jane answered shyly.
" Ok, how about this, I'll ask you a few questions and you can answer them if you like. If you don't like the question then say "pass" and I'll move on. How does that sound" the Doctor asked.
"Worth a shot I guess".
"Ok great. So let's begin with you Jane, how are you coping with the pregnancy and the fact that the your due date is coming closer."
" I'm feeling anxious and sad at the same time. Anxious because being pregnant does kinda stop you from doing certain things and I wanna do some of those things again. Sad because its such a miracle how babies can grow inside someone and I think a small part of me will miss not feeling them kicking anymore once they are born. "
"Is there any other reasons why you would feel sad" the Doctor asked
" Once the babies are born, I won't get to see Maura as much. Or maybe at all. I guess I'm kinda sad that I might lose her friendship " Jane said looking down at her hands.
The Doctor began writing in her notepad. "Do you enjoy her company. Have you and the Parents become friends?"
"I've gotten to spend a lot of time with Maura and she is such an amazing woman. " Jane's eyes lit up " She loves these babies so much. She is going to make a fantastic mother. " She gushed
" I'm sure she will. What about her husband?"
Jane clenched her jaw and took a deep breath. "Pass"
The Doctor nodded and once again wrote in her notebook.
" What do you think will happen after the birth"
Jane thought for a long moment. " I...I don't know, and I think that's what has me freaked out. I don't know what's going to happen. "
" Jane, how has your family been through this whole thing so far"
" My pop was surprisingly supportive and has now become my personal lifter." She laughed " He won't let me lift anything heavy or over exert myself, its the cutest thing. My brothers don't really have an opinion one way or another. My Mother, she's a coming around. She wasn't as convinced as my dad was. She thought that this is something I should have experienced with my husband. That I'm jeopardizing my chances for having children in the future. "
"Do you think that?"
"No...not at all. I don't even know if I want kids later on. Or a husband for that matter. I want to focus on my career. That is after all why I did this"
" Do you want a relationship with Dr Faulkner after you give birth ?" Jane looked up at her abruptly. Sensing what Jane was thinking the Doctor clarified '' Do you want to be a part of their lives. Her and the kids and her husband? "
Jane thought " I know that it would be awkward, but I think I would like to be a part of Maura and the kids lives. From a distance of course. "
"What about her husband. He's part of the family too"
"Yeah well HE is a douche bag. So he's not exactly on my 'let's keep in touch' list. "
"You feel strongly about this. Did something happen?"
"No, I just don't like the way he treats Maura. He's always leaving, he's left her alone for the majority of this pregnancy. She deserves so much better than that. She deserves everything, all the love someone has to give. "
The Doctor was beginning to see a trend here. " Jane sometimes we have trouble expressing our emotions. What's helped me in the past is writing them down. Write down how you feel Jane. You may find it liberating."
"Like a journal"
"Somewhat, you don't have to keep it if you don't want to. But writing it down makes it real. If you're angry, write it down, if you have a moment of love washing over you, then write it down. Sometimes, that is all we need. "
"Ok. I think I can try that"
"Great! Well, that's all the time we have for today. If you would like to come back Jane, my door is open. I'll leave it up to you. ".
Jane stood up. " Thanks Doc. I'll think about it." She shook the Doctors hand.
"Remember Jane, whatever you are feeling,.."
"Write it down" Jane finished
"Good luck! "
"Thanks Doc".
Jane left the Doctors office feeling better about things. She had expressed a few concerns and liked the idea about writing her thoughts down.
-
Later that evening Jane poured her heart and soul onto pages and pages of lined paper. She wrote about the babies, her family, how she felt about the pregnancy, about her fears of what she would feel like when it was all over. She wrote about her feelings for Maura, of how special she was and how she thought that maybe just maybe she was her soul mate, her one true love. Most of this was written through blurry eyes as they filled with salty tears. When she was done, she crumpled up all the pages and lit them on fire in the kitchen sink. All the pages but one, a Poem she had written for Maura. A poem the blonde would most likely never read but it encompassed everything for Jane. She folded it and placed it at the bottom of her panty drawer in her night stand. It was enough that she knew it was there, a comfort of sorts.
That night when she spoke to Maura on the phone, as she did almost every night, the blonde had noticed a change in Jane's voice. Almost like a lightness to it, it sounded free. Jane told her that she went to see the therapist and Maura couldn't have been happier. She truly wanted what was best for Jane and knew that this whole process was going to get even more stressful as the days went on but she as happy for Jane's actions today.
Maura was having her own issues at home. The past few months had been a little rough between her and Ian. Ever since Ian's little outburst after the party, Maura had begun to share limited information with him regarding Jane. She figured if he really wanted to know something he'd ask. He never asked. Since then he had been out of the Country 3 times. Whether he was there or not it didn't stop Maura from spending time with Jane and being as involved as she had always been.
She thought back to the morning after their fight and how her Father took her aside to ask her if she was ok.
" Forgive me Maura but we heard yelling last night. Is everything ok Pumpkin" her father had asked. " Yes Daddy. It's fine, I think Ian just had a little too much to drink. " " Well that's not an excuse to yell at your wife. " " He was a little upset at how much time I've been spending with Jane" " She's having your children. What did he expect, to make a deposit and see her in 9 months. He himself should be more involved. From what your mother has told me, he has been away a lot" " I don't know what he expected Daddy. All I know is that I need to stay involved. I've repeatedly asked him to come along to appointments and such but he always seems to have an excuse..and thats when he is even in town. I'm not going to alter what I've been doing. He will just have to deal with it" Her Father smiled " That's my girl. Don't let him ruin this experience for you. This is a joyous time enjoy it sweetheart. Before you know it, you will be a mother to two beautiful babies. " He father pulled her in for a hug. "Thanks Daddy" Maura wiped a tear away. "Everything will be fine. He's not a bad man, Ian is going to be a great dad" " Anyone can be a great 'dad' pumpkin, but can he be a Father?" He asked.
Maura remembered those words. Could Ian be a Father to her children? Only time would tell.