Disclaimer in first part
Author notes: So I think both girls are kinda out of character in this… what do you think?
Story 9: Whole new fear
It was a beautiful day; the sky was bright and clear, almost cloudless, and the weather was warm without being overly hot. Below the carnival Ferris wheel, people bustled about from ride to ride, food stand to food stand, game to game excitedly. The noise of the crowd was loud and enthusiastic, a background that would normally pump Faith up- that had pumped her up earlier. But as she sat pressed up against Buffy in the small Ferris wheel cart, her face was nothing but apprehension and unease. She was gripping Buffy's arm in a hold that would have caused great pain to most girls- girls who were not slayers.
"I don't freakin' understand why the hell anyone would want to go on these things," Faith muttered, tightening her lips into a thin, strained line after she spoke. "Tell me again why this is supposed to be fun, B?"
Buffy shook her head incredulously, laughing in disbelief as she looked at the tense slayer beside her.
"You don't understand? You've got to be kidding me, Faith. I can hardly believe the words that have been coming out of your mouth the past few minutes. I mean, come on, Faith. You're telling me that you- the girl who just ran into me and every other car that came within ten feet of you in bumper cars hard enough to give us whiplash, ate a candy apple, cotton candy, two hot dogs, and cheese fries, and then proceeded to ride- and force me to ride- five different roller coasters, spinny-upside-down-things, and the apple barrel- all the while laughing like a maniac- the girl who just did all that with no problem is scared by a slow-moving, non-dangerous Ferris wheel?!"
Faith stiffened at that, glaring defiantly. "I'm not scared!" she shot back. "I'm not scared, this is just a stupid ride, is all."
"Oh, you're not scared?" Buffy chuckled wryly. "That's funny, because that look of fright on your face begs to differ. Especially when coupled with your white-knuckled grip on my arm."
Faith glanced down at her hands, as if she'd only just realized where they were. Buffy didn't see how that could possibly be true. Their slayer connection made it apparent whenever the other slayer was even nearby; when they touched, the connection and the sensation it caused in their bodies was strong enough to be nearly tangible.
"Maybe I just like to touch you, B," Faith replied with a hint of her usual smirk. She ran one hand up and down Buffy's arm suggestively, but rather than making Buffy uncomfortable, as Faith had probably hoped, she just laughed. She'd seen how hard it had been for Faith to pry away her tightly gripped hand, to relax it enough to pet her arm.
"Whatever, Faith," she smiled. Her expression growing a little more serious, she said with some curiosity, "I really don't get it though. How could you ride all those fast rides that make my stomach drop, but be scared while riding a Ferris wheel?"
"I'm not scared, B!" Faith snapped, giving Buffy another fierce glare. "You say that one more time and I'm tossin' your new fuzzy little pal overboard, you hear?"
She gestured meaningfully at the stuffed rabbit she had won for Buffy in one of the rigged carnival games. Well, generally they were rigged, for normal people- Faith, with her slayer strength, that knocked down all the milk bottles with no problem, even shattering most of them. The man running the booth had stared at her with something akin to amazement, shock, and a twitchy nervousness on his face as he quickly handed Faith her rabbit; this had only upped her satisfaction.
Buffy grinned, burying the little rabbit she had already named Flopsy more securely under the arm not next to Faith.
"That would involve removing both hands from their iron grip on my arm, wouldn't it?" she said innocently.
When Faith's glare deepened, her eyes shooting sparks that nevertheless failed to cover up her hurt, Buffy once more grew more serious, almost apologetic. She put an arm around her shoulders, giving her a little half-hug as she smiled at her reassuringly.
"I'm sorry, Faith, I'm not meaning to make fun of you. It's just that I really don't get it. Why is a Ferris wheel worse to you than a roller coaster going 100 mph?" she asked. There, she'd phrased it better that time- not a word in there about Faith being scared.
Faith eyed her warily, seeming to be deciding whether she could trust her words. Finally she sighed, seeming to want to sound impatient, exasperated, but really sounding more nervous than anything else.
"Look, B, it's really slow, okay?" she muttered, carefully looking away from Buffy's eyes. "Torturously slow. And it stops ever two minutes- always at the top, with my luck. And then you have to look down from that huge height while it just swings up there in mid-air… it's different with a roller coaster, you go fast enough that you don't seen anything really, it's over before you know it. With a Ferris wheel you see every freakin' things cos it's so freakin slow."
Buffy noticed that although Faith wasn't looking at her, she also wasn't looking down; her eyes were very carefully fixed straight ahead, looking past her rather than at her or below her.
"There isn't even a stupid seatbelt on this thing," Faith muttered resentfully, "just a stupid bar that's nowhere near us. We could slip out of this thing way too easily."
Buffy shook her head in amusement, hardly able to believe that this was Faith talking. Who would ever know? It made about as much sense to her for Faith, a vampire slayer, to be afraid of Ferris wheels as it did for Anya, an ex-vengeance demon, to be afraid of bunnies. Speaking of which, she better keep her new little toy away from her…
To Buffy's great amusement, Faith's biter predicament proved to be true… for just as they were slowly coming around the circular path, up to the very top of the apex, the ride came to an abrupt stop. Faith's dark brown eyes widened, and she moved in even closer against Buffy, her hip and shoulder smushing tight against her as she dug her fingers even harder into Buffy's skin.
"Oh shit," she mumbled, her voice shaking slightly in spite of her ferocious tone, her eyes rigidly fixed straight ahead. "I knew it, I knew it. The damn thing always does that to me, this is two out of two times now! What is this, are the Ferris wheel gods hating me or somethin'?"
Buffy couldn't help but grin; though she didn't say a word, Faith glowered at her.
"I hate the way it rocks," she said resentfully. "Like it's gonna do a 360 if we're not careful."
"When you say rock," Buffy said with exaggerated innocence, unable to resist, "do you mean rock, like this?"
She began to sway back and forth quickly in jerky little movements, causing the whole cart to swing back and forth in exactly the manner Faith had described. Faith gasped out loud, her eyes almost bulging in alarm, and dug her fingers into Buffy even harder, adding fingernails as well this time.
"Stop it! God, B, what the hell is wrong with you?! Fuck!"
"All right, I'm sorry, don't freak on me, Faithy," Buffy laughed; for some reason, she found Faith's infuriated glare, coupled with the not-entirely-disappeared panic in her eyes and her iron grip on her not only very funny, but also adorable.
Faith and adorable… didn't seem to go together… or had she just never seen it before? Right- the more likely option was that a day off from vamps and demons was making Buffy go giddy with joy that she just loved everyone in sight. Not such a bad thing, for a brief period anyway. If it kept going on, that might become a problem…
"Bitch," Faith muttered resentfully, and Buffy realized that she was still cutting her eyes toward her with anger. And yet, rather than punching her, as Buffy would have expected, Faith did not release her slayer grip on Buffy's arm, nor did she scoot away from her. Of course, that could have been because Faith was afraid to make the seat move around any more.
As Buffy looked over at her more seriously, her grin toning down a little, she realized that there was more than just anger in the younger girl's eyes… there was hurt as well. Faith's shoulders and facial muscles were stiff, and she wasn't looking directly at her, but her jaw was clinched, something about the way she held herself seeming to be embarrassed, even ashamed.
I really did hurt her feelings, Buffy realized with some shock. Damn…I was just messing with her, I didn't mean to hurt her.
"Hey," she said more quietly, touching Faith's shoulder with the hand further from her. "I mean it, Faith, I'm sorry."
"Whatever, B," Faith muttered, still barely glancing at her… but her hands remained clamped around Buffy's arm, her shoulders still squared, and she still avoided looking at her or down. As weird as Buffy found Faith's phobia in respect to all the
rides she had no problem with, it was clear that the other slayer was serious about it- and sensitive too.
Watching her, Buffy felt worse. She knew Faith wasn't one to be willing to show fears or weakness- she probably was hating every second of this, humiliated. Why had she insisted on dragging her on here? And why couldn't she just have kept her mouth shut once they were on?
"Really, Faith, I am sorry," she tried again.
When Faith didn't say anything, just continued to carefully avert her eyes from both the ground and Buffy, Buffy sighed, trying a different approach.
"Faith… you can close your eyes if you want, if that will make you feel better."
Faith glanced over at her quickly, her eyes glinting suspiciously. "Why, so you can rock it some more and hear me scream? So you can do something to make me look stupid? No thanks, B."
"No- no!" Buffy replied, her tone startled and a little hurt. "No, I won't, Faith, I promise. I just… look, I'm sorry for making fun of you, and just… if you're really scared- I mean, if you don't like this," she amended quickly, seeing Faith's eyes narrow and her mouth open defensively at the word 'scared'- "if you don't like this, then you don't have to look. I'll tell you when it's over, and I won't lie, okay? And I won't make fun of you anymore, Faith, I promise."
Of course, Faith had made fun of Buffy when Buffy had dreaded before and screamed during all the rides Faith had dragged her on… but somehow this seemed different. Though Buffy had pouted and shot back a few remarks when Faith needled her, she hadn't minded what Faith had said; she'd even enjoyed it somewhat. For Faith, at least with this matter, it was different. She obviously didn't see what Buffy said as a joking matter.
Faith continued to look at her warily, her lips thinning as she searched Buffy's face, determining the sincerity of her offer. Finally she exhaled with probably feigned exasperation and impatience.
"Whatever… you lie to me, B, or you tell anyone, and I toss you overboard, no matter how much it rocks the cart," she said darkly. "And then I kick your ass after I get off."
Buffy smiled. "Got yourself a deal."
Sighing again, Faith eyed her for a few more seconds, then slowly closed her eyes. She was still sitting upright, her body still tense, hands still holding Buffy's arm almost as if she had forgotten they were there. But she also seemed to be leaning in towards Buffy even more, leaning on her, without quite relaxing or putting her head up against her. It was a strange position- neither completely upright, nor completely lying down. It was as if she wanted to relax against Buffy but was holding herself back from doing so in a way that was physically uncomfortable for her. Almost as if she were testing out Buffy's reaction…
Looking over at her, Buffy felt her heart stir oddly. Somehow, watching Faith both amused and touched her in a way that seemed at odds with each other and yet strangely fit her in a way she'd never thought of. She had an urge to tell Faith that she could lean against her a little more, that she didn't have to hold herself so strangely. She wanted to tell Faith that she could lay her head on her shoulder, or even on her lap, that she was in no danger…
But she couldn't. For one thing, she knew exactly how defensively Faith would react to that… and for another, Buffy wasn't sure why she was even thinking it in the first place.
But then again, was it really such a shock? Hadn't she had similar, if not identical, thoughts before? Hadn't she looked at Faith dozens of times and felt the same slightly uncomfortable squeezing inside her she felt now, the same desire to…
To what? What exactly are you thinking, Buffy?
She couldn't say it, even in her thoughts. But even as she deliberately looked away, deliberately tried to focus her thoughts and attention on something else, she found her eyes drifting right back to resting on Faith. And that desire was not fading… if anything it was only growing stronger.
She'd felt it before, of course, but Buffy had always before been able to suppress it, to explain it away. But today was different… today it kept popping up in the most random places, just when Buffy thought it had left her.
When Faith crashed into her in her bumper car, long dark hair flying back on the impact, strands falling over her face as her dimples popped out with her laughter.
When Faith was holding a candy apple in one hand and cotton candy in the other, taking a bite first of one, then the other, like a cartoon child.
When Faith grinned at her with mustard on her chin after eating her hot dogs. Watching Faith eat her hot dogs in a way that seemed to Buffy much more suggestive than she could have done it even while trying.
When Faith paced and fidgeted with excited impatience while waiting in line.
When Faith handed her the stuffed rabbit she had won for her with a pleased smile, dark eyes shining.
Right now, when Faith sat close to her with her eyes closed, trusting Buffy in a way she rarely had before….
Each of those times, in each of those moments, Buffy had felt the same wistful yet fierce desire… a desire she knew she could not carry out. And yet she found herself wondering… what if…
"Okay, B, why aren't we moving?" Faith asked suddenly, momentarily interrupting Buffy's inner monologue. Her eyes were still closed, but the impatience and tension remained in her tone. "What's wrong? It's been five minutes… is it broken? Why has this thing stayed stopped so long?"
Buffy started to say that she didn't know, to reassure Faith that they were fine… she started to say what Faith expected her to say, what she expected herself to say. But when she spoke, she didn't say what she'd been planning to say planning to say at all.
"It's okay, Faith… just keep your eyes closed. I'll help take your mind off your fear…."
At that, as Buffy could have predicted, Faith's eyes snapped open, and she glowered at Buffy with a mix of indignation, suspicion, and defiance. "What?! What is that supposed to mean?! And I told you, B, I'm not afraid-"
She no doubt had planned on saying a lot more than that… but Buffy interrupted her. Taking hold of Faith's chin with her free hand, Buffy turned her face towards her, cutting off the other girl's words with a kiss.
She couldn't see this, but she knew that Faith's eyes must be growing huge… the other girl seemed paralyzed with shock, stiff and frozen beside her. Buffy could hear Faith's heart galloping madly in her chest… and the younger girl was not kissing her back.
Oh no, what had she done? What the hell had she been thinking?!
Buffy started to pull away, started to apologize… but now suddenly Faith's hands were going up to cup her face, tentatively pulling her back as Faith slowly started to kiss her back.
Oh god, oh god, oh god was all Buffy could think as her every sense seemed to be on overload, every one of them full of the taste and feel and smell and sight and sound of the girl in her arms, the girl who seemed now to be almost inside her, her essence filling her as if they were merging into one…
She didn't notice when the Ferris wheel started to move again; neither, it seemed, had Faith. When they finally pulled their faces slightly apart, both were slightly out of breath, seeing nothing but the depths of the other's eyes.
"F-Faith?" Buffy said finally, her voice oddly hushed. "Did that… did that help?"
She didn't know why she was saying it; it had, like before, slipped out on impulse. But Faith regarded her seriously, not a hint of a smile on her face.
"Are you kidding, B?" she said quietly. "You just hit on a whole new fear."
Her words were meant to be facetious… but Buffy understood as she looked into Faith's eyes that there was more than a little truth to them. A truth she had related to, gave in to… until now.
"Well, Faith," she said slowly in the same measured quiet tone, "I guess we better help you face it."
She leaned in towards her slowly, wordlessly giving Faith time to accept or reject her advances. Faith hesitated, her eyes troubled, afraid… and then she closed her eyes.
"Guess we better…" she breathed, as Buffy's lip once more descended upon hers.