I groaned as a loud noise assaulted my ears. I glanced up from my place on Lake's chest to see the clock reading just after six. Why was the alarm going off? Before falling into an exhausted sleep an hour earlier, we'd set it to go off at seven. The funeral was at eleven. We'd have time.

Yet, even as I stared at the clock and the banging continued, I realized that they were unrelated. Blearily, I glanced up to see Lake slightly more awake than me but just as confused. We both realized that it was the front door a moment later when said door was opened and Red stood in the doorway of Lake's bedroom.

The look of shock on his face was greater than any I'd ever seen before and his face became the color he was nicknamed for, "Whoa…"

Being too tired and, to be honest, too not embarrassed to truly care, I merely grabbed the comforter that had been jumbled around our waists and pulled it up over my head, hiding everything important from Red's aghast gaze. An irritated groan rumbled through Lake's chest. I honestly couldn't blame him. As I reburied my face in Lake, I grumbled, "Red, go away."

With that problem guys have in the morning effectively solved at Red's appearance, Lake pressed a kiss to my forehead before getting out of bed, "I'm sorry, Jess."

Shaking my head, I curled up in the blanket for a few more minutes, "It's fine."

Lake pulled on the sweatpants we'd "discarded" the night before and shoved the immobile Red into the kitchen, solidly shutting the door behind them. "Man, what the fucking hell?!"

I smiled as the only words Red could come up with were, "You…You and Jessicka?"

Lake sounded annoyed and I heard a thwack; I assumed he'd hit Red upside the head, "Glad something in your head is fucking working."

Red didn't catch the sarcasm, "I-I mean I know I told you to get on it, but damn!"

There wasn't a pause from his words until Lake's threatening tone, "What're you trying to say, Red?" I was never ever going to have to worry about my honor not being defended with Kelly. That was for sure.

"Nothin'! I promise I'm not callin' babe a whore or anything. It's just…surprisin' that's all...or, I guess it really ain't." His accent was decidedly thicker when surprised. His normal humor finally caught up with him because I could hear the grin in his voice when he said, "I fucking told you she was your woman. You can't deny it now."

"I'm not," Lake replied, all anger and irritation gone. Even through the closed door I could hear the love in his voice. "I hope she's mine forever."

Before Red could tease him about that, I had found my also "discarded" underwear and Lake's shirt. I threw them on and began finger combing my hair as I walked into the kitchen. I went over to the coffeemaker. I wasn't a coffee drinker by nature but I got the feeling I was going to need it. Fighting off a yawn, I glanced back at Red, "Honey, what're you doing here at six in the fucking morning?"

For a moment, he and Lake merely continued to stare at me. Lake had a smile in his eyes as he leaned back against the fridge. Red's mouth had dropped open the moment I stepped out of the bedroom. To be honest, I was surprised I wasn't more embarrassed. I couldn't be, though. Everything felt far too perfect to feel embarrassed. True, I was wearing underwear from Victoria's Secret, but you could only see like two inches of my thigh in that shirt… I had nothing to be ashamed of and I was happy.

Red's eyes suddenly ran up and down me. Everything important was covered with Lake's shirt, so I wasn't sure what he was so interested in. I laughed as Lake punched him hard on the shoulder, effectively breaking whatever trance our friend was under. Shaking his head a bit, Red's face broke into another grin, "You know, babe, I meant it when I said I'm free if you and Mr. McBroody here don't work out."

Lake punched him again, definitely leaving a bruise, yet Red didn't flinch. "Honey, I wouldn't sign your death warrant like that. I like you too much," I commented. As the smell of coffee began swirling about the kitchen, I climbed up on a barstool to wait for its much-needed caffeine. "So, you never answered me. Why are you breaking in at six in the morning?"

Clearing his throat uncomfortably, he gave a bit of a nervous laugh, "Funny story, that. Umm, LT actually told me to. He wanted it to be Slo's last act. He had the annoying habit of waking us up too fuckin' early. Lake, you remember that mission to…"

"…to Malaysia. Yeah, that bastard blew an air horn in the fucking barracks." They shared a smile at the memory before their gazes turned sad. Despite everything, their friend was still being buried today.

I didn't intrude on their moment as I poured myself coffee in a juice glass. It was all I could find in the cupboard. They both looked back at me as I returned to my chair. Lake caught my eye and I sent him a smile. We just stared at each other for a long moment before he turned to grab food from the fridge. When I looked back at Red, he was grinning like an excited mother before her child's first prom, looking between the two of us multiple times.

"Well, I'm going to head off to Doc's. I'll say hi to your sister for ya, babe."

The ornery twinkle in his eye made me nervous. Narrowing my eyes, I commented, "Is that all you're going to say to her, honey?"

He grinned, "I'll try, babe. I'll try."

Still glaring, I demanded, "You better. I'm not dealing with the both of you in one day…"

Red shrugged, "Just give her shit about Doc. She hasn't been sleeping on his couch for the last week unless he's on it with her." I coughed violently into my drink. Arianna had left that part out, though I'd had suspicions. Red grinned, "You hear interesting things in the locker room that we force out of Doc…"

Smiling in spite of myself, I shook my head, "I'm not even going to ask. See you later, honey."

"Bye, babe. Bye, Mr. McBroody."

Lake didn't turn from the double-decker peanut butter and jelly he was making, "I can kill you in your sleep, Red."

"Love you, too, buddy."

With that Red shut the door and we were alone again. Setting his plate down on the island, Lake pressed a kiss to my cheek, "I'm sorry about him."

I shrugged, smiling up at him, "I promise, it's okay. Seeing him blush like that was worth it." He chuckled at that as he sat down. Smirking into my cup, I added, "The other benefits were pretty good, too."

He grinned at me, "I aim to please. Here, something tells me you're hungry, too." He handed me half of his giant sandwich. My stomach growled embarrassingly loudly at that moment and he glanced at it, grinning wider.

I slid my cup over to him before I took a bite, "And you're gonna need the caffeine just as much as me."

We ate the rest of our breakfast in silence, the upcoming day dawning on us again. He pulled me in for a kiss when we put our dishes in the sink before going to dress for the day. I pulled on the same black dress and jacket I'd worn for their memorial and watched from the end of the bed as Lake pulled on his sleek dress uniform.

I knew it was a terribly sad occasion—even in the short time I knew him, I'd recognized Slo as one of those men you deem just too good to die—but I loved seeing Kelly in his uniform. It's a bit of a cliché amongst women, but a true one. We really do love a man in uniform. I think the only thing I liked seeing Lake in more was nothing…

Thankfully, he didn't look back at me in time to see the blush that rose in my cheeks. Yep, I was definitely head over heels.

We left together at nine-thirty, our presences and silence more comforting than any words could be. We were the first to arrive at the church. Amy was standing in the foyer, looking caught between sobbing and smacking the funeral home man in the face. I knew those men had hard jobs, but some of them didn't know when to be quiet. Lake's arrival shut him up for her and the three of us stood in silence after her hushed thanks for being there.

Lena, Arianna, and I sat together in a pew behind Amy and the team as the somber proceedings commenced. It was so sad it was almost beautiful. I had never been good at paying attention during funerals. My defense mechanisms had always made my mind wander so I couldn't focus on the immense sadness of the event. For the hour long ceremony, I kept thinking about how pretty the flowers were, how Slo probably wouldn't have cared about them, and how very not like Slo the whole thing seemed. He seemed far too funny to be connected to an event like this. The couple of times Amy caught my eye, I could tell we were thinking the same thing. Each time, despite the tears running down her face, we shared a smile.

I rejoined Lake as our quiet procession followed the eight sailors before us, bearing Slo's casket.

The chill of the October wind didn't bother me as we made our way outside. However, the sight before me did. I felt Arianna freeze beside me as soon as we were out the doors. The hand that wasn't holding Lake's immediately reached out and grasped hers. She squeezed back.

Amy let out a sob behind us as she caught sight of the line of protesters before us on the opposite sidewalk. Catching the looks on our faces, she shook her head and managed to croak out, "It's fine. Their being here means he did his job. Mike would've laughed. I promise, it's fine."

Turning to look my new friend straight in the eyes, I said earnestly, "No, this is not fine. It's wrong and it's about to be done. Don't worry, we've done this before." I turned to LT, "Sir, do you think you could get this paused for a few minutes. Give us a chance to break it up?" LT nodded; I don't think he trusted himself to speak. Glancing at my sister, I queried, "Do you want here or the cemetery?"

"I don't care. Do you want mom or dad? She'll be at the cemetery. She always is."

Glowering at the screaming people before us and their horrible signs declaring God's hatred for soldiers and that the only good soldier was a dead one, I bit out, "I'll take her. You going with the Bible or freedom approach?"

Arianna and I had been to our fair share of rodeos like these before. Most of the time we didn't know the soldier, but every time we could make it, we did our best to come out and stop the worst of our mom's protesters before they got in full, insulting swing. Usually Arianna took on our mother, though. She always seemed to have better luck because I didn't have the courage.

She shrugged, her blonde hair bouncing on her shoulders, "Judging from the signs, I think I'll take the Bible. I'd go with the freedom one with her, though. She's gotten comebacks to the religious ones."

"Dammit, she got smarter while I was gone. Good luck, Ari."

"You, too, Sicka." Turning to Doc, she pressed a kiss to his cheek. "I'm not going to be able to make it to the cemetery. I'm sorry. I'll call you later for a ride?" He nodded, sending disgusted looks at our parents' minions and grateful ones at us. He gave me an appreciative nod before kissing her on the mouth.

Squeezing Lake's hand, I sighed, "Can I borrow your keys? I want to get there before Slo does."

"Sure." His voice was deadly. Given his way, I knew that all the people out there would likely be wounded in some way. Lake wasn't necessarily a violent guy, but he did not suffer any injuries to his friends.

When he pressed the keys into my hand, I leaned up and hugged him, kissing his cheek before whispering, "I'm sorry. You deserve better."

A deep-seated guilt began fighting for space in my mind with my anger. If I hadn't been here, if I hadn't pissed off my mom, if I hadn't broken up with David, then likely none of these people would be here. It was my fault. Lake truly did deserve better than me and my baggage. I blinked back tears as his truck's engine turned over and I pulled out onto the street. Maybe it would be better for them if I just…wasn't there. My presence never seemed to help anyone.

It wasn't hard to find the cemetery. All I had to do was follow the line of my mom's protesters along the streets. Within twenty minutes, I knew over half of them would be gone. Arianna was great at getting into their heads, breaking their convictions for the day. Having murderous looking SEALs within sight wouldn't hurt her cause either.

I came to a stop, parking the truck on a side street at the gates of the cemetery. The one thing I could say for my mother was she never went into the cemetery. It was a small mercy, but a mercy nonetheless, one of the few she ever gave anyone. My knee flared up in pain as I strode toward them, unsure of how to go about this.

My mom smiled slyly when she saw me, "Jessicka! How is your morning going?" I took a smug satisfaction at the black eye on her perfect face.

"It could be better." Taking a deep breath, blinking back a sudden onset of tears, I began again, "It would be better if the wife of one of the men who died to save me did not have to deal with her last moments with him being desecrated by ignorant bigots."

My words did not faze her, "You always did have a nice, full vocabulary, darling. I'd hoped you'd learn how to use it one day. Apparently your teaching degree didn't provide that. Oh, by the way, look who I brought to see you!"

As if stepping out of my worst fears and into the real world, a smiling David came out of the crowd, holding a sign with halfhearted interest and a smile showing his belief that he was God's gift to women. My breath caught.

This day was officially fucked.

Steeling my tears, I drew to my full height, as short as it was, and ignored the strain my knee screamed to me about. Looking at the two people who had done the most to make me ruin my life, I narrowed my eyes. I was once again angry. But…But this time I wasn't just angry for Slo or Amy or Arianna or Doc or Red or LT or Lena or even Kelly. For once in my life, I was angry for myself, too. I was angry that I had been wronged by the two cruel beings before me. One had never loved me like a mother should and the other had pretended to love me for money. Both were oblivious to how they'd grabbed my heart and crushed it on multiple occasions.

Most of it was for Slo and Amy, but a big part was for me. I was finally going to stand up for myself.

"Get. Out." I pointed down the street, far away from their position now, my glare focused completely on my mother.

David looked at my mother first, taking his cue from her before beginning to laugh hysterically. "Oh, Jessicka, sweetheart I have missed your jokes."

My gaze turned to him from a moment and I snorted, "David, sweetheart, I suggest you leave right now before my current boyfriend, this dead SEAL's teammate, gets here. If he doesn't kick your ass," I smirked as the slightest bit of worry seeped into his eyes, "Arianna sure as fuck will."

He sent a few panicked looks toward my mom. She hadn't told him about Lake, apparently. Unfortunate for him. I hadn't allowed myself to see it before, but David was a terrible coward. If it took that little to cow him, I didn't know how I'd ever let him dictate my life before.

"Don't listen to her, David. She's lying. What man would date her without motivation?"

"A man that loves me, mother. Now leave. I'm begging you to just leave." The indifferent laughter that came from her mouth gave me pause. I took another deep breath, steeling my courage once again.

"When have I ever listened to your begging before, Jessicka? There is no reason I should now. Now either grab a sign or get out of the way." She lifted her God hates Soldiers sign and began yelling again, ignoring me completely.

"That man gave his life saving three dozen others he didn't have to! Even you should have a little compassion somewhere!"

David took over her cause of belittling me, "Why should I care about the people this government deemed important enough to save? What did you see of it, anyway? I doubt you were even there when he died."

Letting out an angry sob at the memory, I bit out, "I closed his dead eyes, David. And I saw more in twelve hours than you have in your pathetic lifetime." I lifted my voice above the crowd's, drawing the attention of all but my mother, "And you should care because the people he saved me from did this."

I kicked off my shoes, shrugged off Lake's coat, and then reached back an arm to unzip my dress. Tearing off the garment and throwing it to the ground, I turned around to expose all my injuries in their grotesque glory. I showed them the scars that would mar me forever. There was an intake of breath I heard over her continued yelling.

"The people he protected us from did this and far worse. I know that war is not your favorite thing—it wasn't his either—but what that man did was heroic and I'll be damned if I let any of you soil his wife's memories of him. Now, GET OUT!"

I do not to this day understand how it worked, but my standing there in my underwear, bruises and wounds exposed, made all but the great Astrid Francis and her lapdog sheepishly put down their signs and walk farther down the street. They stayed as a group, but their signs and voices stayed lowered.

My mother and David merely stared at me as I pulled my clothing back on, both surprisingly silent.

Hearing the funeral procession approaching, I looked to my ex-fiancé again, "David, I'm not kidding. Leave now." He looked caught between self-preservation and the greed for whatever my mother had promised him this time.

"I-I don't believe you," he stuttered.

Snorting, I raised an eyebrow, "It sure sounds like you do."

I stood there, between them and the gate, as the cars got closer and closer. The hearse pulled up past me and through the gates. My mother continued to yell and scream, but the sight of a single woman yelling angrily with a sign looked more ridiculous than righteous and she knew it.

A few cars after the hearse came Red's truck. I expected it to continue past me but he parked it on the side of the road. I didn't turn around as I heard him and Lake approach. Red's voice was deceivingly jovial when he came to a stop beside me, "Hey, babe, you all done here?"

I smiled back up at him, "Not quite." I leaned into Lake as he came up on my other side and wrapped an arm around my waist. "I'm just waiting for these two to leave. Lake, Red, this is my mother and…David." While I'm sure Lake had figured that out already, I still felt him tense when I said my ex's name.

As Red continued to smile in a way that let you know he wasn't far from leaping at you, Lake's silence loomed intimidatingly over the two people before us. David had shrunk back, almost completely hiding behind my mother. "Hey, Jess, you might want to convince them to leave here pretty soon. Doc hung back with Arianna. They should be here shortly. If the mood she was in when we left is still there, I don't think they'll wanna be here. She can get fucking scary."

Lake's voice was low when he said with a disturbingly calm tone, "They shouldn't be here now."

"I'm not scared of my own daughter or you, you stupid jarheads," my mother bit out. David merely quivered behind her as I noticed Lake's stare was focused on him.

I sighed, "Mom, they're SEALs. They're Navy, not Marines. How you insult grandpa doesn't work for every branch of the military. Now, please leave."

"We have a legal right to be here," mom smirked. "The United States judicial system will back me up on that…again."

"And I have a legal right to beat the man into a pulp who broke my girl's heart."

David's mouth opened and closed like a fish for a moment before he dropped his sign and stuttered, "Astrid, I-I don't think I can help you out with this one. Jessicka isn't the girl for me. I don't want her."

"You don't fucking deserve her, you fucking pansy!" Lake was livid, the emotion of the day as a whole getting to him. I recognized the amount of self-restraint it was taking him not to hurt David.

Nodding hurriedly, David agreed, "No, no I don't. She's all yours!" With that he sprinted down the street. I blushed at the fact that I'd ever dated that…man. When compared to Lake I really wasn't sure what David was. He definitely wasn't a man like Lake.

"Come on, babe. Let's get going. Amy's waiting." I wrapped my arm around Lake's waist and went through the gates with the two of them, leaving the great Astrid Frances alone with a sign in front of a cemetery.

The day passed in something akin to a self-induced blur. Amy took everything like a champ, getting through the cemetery and the folded flag and the gunshots with a smile and dry eyes. I admired her more with every moment. I knew I would never be able to be that strong.

I could see her resolve shaking, just like the guys' as they were all set upon by fellow mourners. It didn't surprise me that Slo was as loved as it appeared he was. It seemed that half the base was at either the cemetery or their home afterward.

We had all been at the house, Arianna, Lena, and I taking it upon ourselves to help with food and whatnot. Guests didn't ask who we were. It didn't matter. It wasn't our day. The team stayed grouped together, resting on the strength they had in their numbers. I had lost track of time, an immense feeling growing steadily that I didn't quite understand.

Someone asked me where Amy was, wanting to give her their condolences, but as I'd looked around I didn't find her. I smiled at the officer and replied I'd send her his way if I saw her. Now that I looked, I couldn't find her anywhere. I ventured further into the house, past an invisible line that had been drawn to protect the private spaces of the dead man we were there to honor.

I found Amy in a linen closet, hiding her face in a pillow on the floor of the tiny space. I didn't need to see it to know she was sobbing all her grief away in her hiding place. I could hear it in every ragged breath she took. Not knowing why exactly, I sat down across from her, closing the door behind me. We sat there, our feet and legs touching in the cramped space, without a word.

After a long time, Amy reached out a hand that I grasped tightly. She suddenly began telling me the story of her and Slo. She told me everything from the night they met until he had left on deployment for the last time. I was inescapably honored that she chose to share this with me.

Suddenly, she looked up at me through her tears, "This is his pillow. It never mattered how long he was gone. I refuse to wash his pillow while he's gone…It smells like him." I could only squeeze her hand, beginning to be overcome by the tragedy of it all.

It was ever more confusing to me how my mother could condemn these people. How could she not respect the sacrifices they made for us? How could she not understand? How could anyone not understand?

Saying I was sorry just didn't seem good enough, so I squeezed her hand again. We sat there for a while longer until she looked up at me, sniffed, and forced on a smile. "Sorry about that. I knew it was going to come sooner or later. By the way, the time with them is worth the risk." With that, she stood and marched back into the fray.

Smiling, I didn't think I'd ever met a woman like Amy before. I didn't think there were many women like her out there period.

Lake and I lay in bed that night, both very quiet, both lost in our own thoughts as he held me. Nothing to make Red grin like a sixteen-year-old had happened, but that was all right. I just loved being with him.

I couldn't say that much of what I was thinking about wasn't Slo. I was thinking about Slo and Amy and dying and a million other possibilities that I didn't really want to deal with. But, somewhere inside me, I knew that I needed to. I assumed that most women in my position—dating a man with a job like Lake's—didn't quite have that argument with herself so early on. Our running through a jungle kind of fast-forwarded it for me. I knew firsthand what kind of things they dealt with, and I knew the horrible alternative they faced when things didn't go right.

Sometimes death happened.

Did the fear of Lake dying scare me enough to make me leave?

As soon as I worded it that clearly in my mind, I knew the answer: absolutely not. I would rather have ten minutes with Lake than leave him because I was scared of a maybe. I was no Amy—I wasn't that strong—but I wasn't one of those other women, either. I wasn't going to leave in the middle of the night because I was scared. I was with Lake; I didn't have to be scared.

Smiling, happy with the strength of my feelings, I curled into his chest and hugged his middle, "I love you, Kelly."

I could hear the contentment in his voice, "I love you, too, Jess." I felt his hand on my face and he turned my chin until I looked up at him. Running his thumb down my cheek, he smiled, "So much, Jess."

My eyes closed of their own accord as his thumb continued to caress my skin and I shivered at the loving way he said my name. My stomach and chest were already beginning their beautifully expected malfunctioning when his other arm wrapped tightly around my thighs and pushed my face up to meet his. His lips were on mine before I could get over the rush of desire from his strong, calloused hands on my bare skin.

As my back injury protested against my arching back, I gasped breathily out, "Lake, we're going to get ourselves killed if we keep this up."

"Jess, I'd rather die with you than anyone else in the world."