I know, I know, I've disappeared again. Good news: I graduated! Bad news: now I have to move towns, and my brother has to move, too, and it's a mess.
Seriously, though, I hope to update a lot more frequently now that I have the time to write again.

Thank you all for your patience, and of course also for reviewing the last chapter and for alerting and fav'ing and all that.
Enjoy the new chapter!

A Meeting in the Library

Asgard's library was quiet and dark. Even the librarian had extinguished his light and was nowhere to be seen. It was like wandering through the woods far from civilization; where that dim, moon-like light came from, I had never been able to figure out. It even smelled like wood and grass.
Despite the darkness, I did not use any light; I did not need it. The library was more familiar to me than my own bedroom. Even if I had not seen the hand before my very eyes I would have found my way through.

My fingers played over the backs of the books on the shelves, feeling the leather and the printed titles. I took in a deep breath and tasted the smell of old books.

On my way here, I had stopped by Heimdall's observatory and had found an unknown, ragged man sleeping draped over the precious sword. I could only shake my head at that; was this really better than Heimdall, even if he was secretly talking to me? At the very least, Heimdall had always been vigilant. Perhaps Loki really had gone mad.

My path took a sharp turn to the right when I reached the end of the aisle. It was even darker here, as if the forest had grown more dense.
The aim was the section about Jotunheim. I had been to the realm once before, but that short experience - which had also involved an unwanted fight - hardly qualified me for a diplomatic mission. My studies as a child had also rather consisted of the horrors the Frost Giants inflicted, rather than anything useful
There was no other way but to come here if I did not want to make a fool of myself, or worse, get myself killed in the first five minutes.

I turned another corner; meanwhile, I considered using at least a small light so I would not have to pick the books out at random. Though I did not have the time to truly search, anyway: I had promised Fenrir that I would be back soon. Besides, I could already feel the strain of magic. Projecting across realms like this would take its toll.

Something lit up right behind me. I stumbled and my breath came out in a sharp gasp. The magic flickered as my heart stuttered and for a moment, I thought I might be thrown back into my tent in the desert.
The spell held, because his magic grabbed me and pulled me firmly back, closer to him.
I reached out and grabbed the edge of the shelf to steady myself, more out of reflex than for actual help. A projection could hardly fall.

"You scared me," I said. Despite my best efforts, my voice was shaking.

"Good," Loki said. He had crossed his arms in front of his chest and was glaring at me. The light came from a lamp on the desk he was sitting at. Leaning back, he had been one with the shadows. "Did you think I wouldn't feel you sneak in? I'm not blind, you know."

My hand still held onto the shelf, but I squared my shoulders. "I had hoped you'd be busy," I said. "Though from what I hear, you're mostly busy financing the newest spectacles."

His eyes narrowed at me. "Sif and Fandral found you," he said.
So he knew. The two of them had been sure that they had kept their knowledge secret from him - I should have known that that was not the case. There was rarely a secret that could be kept from Loki.
"What a shame."

"Indeed," I said before I could help myself. His eyebrows shot up and I had to crack a smile. "She's been very judgemental."

He had to smile, too. "Isn't she always?"

We grinned at each other. In my mind, I saw Sif on the first day after we had given her hair back, with a scarf wrapped tightly around her head so no one would see that the golden mane had been replaced by a deep black. Loki and I had had a good laugh at it; Sif had always told him that he did not look like an Asgardian with his dark hair.
At that point, we had not known that she was right.

Loki's face had grown serious again. Maybe he had noticed the shift in my mood, too. "What are you doing in the section about Jotunheim?"

He had known that I would come here, or else he would not have waited here for me. Which meant that he had a good idea of what I was doing here - I was not interested in playing games.

"That's none of your business," I said.

"You're mad," he said. "If you think Skadi is going to welcome your army."

"Maybe I am," I said. "Besides, you don't know any better than I do what the queen would or wouldn't do."

Granted, the plan was desperate. Everyone knew that the Jotuns hated the Asgardians, and with good reason. Loki sure had not helped with that. But it was a hope, our last and only one - and I was not above begging.
Loki did not need to know any of that.

His eyes travelled up and down my form as if the projection would give anything away that he did not already know. "I'm not giving up this throne, Eirlys."

My heart clenched at the cold tone of his voice. I squared my shoulders, mostly to make myself feel better. "Then I'll have to take it."

He scoffed lightly. "What?" he asked. "Are you going to kill me?"

My stomach dropped in the very first second, but I caught myself. I very much doubted that I would ever be able to truly harm Loki - if the past was any indication, I was easily swayed where he was concerned.
Still, I did my very best to feel like I might. "If I have to."

The words hit him. I could not feel it, but I could see it in the slight narrowing of his eyes and the stiffening of his shoulders. That hit did not feel like a victory.

His jaw clenched and his eyes turned away from me. "There was a time when you loved me."

I took a gentle step towards him. "I still do," I said. "I always will. That doesn't mean you should rule the Nine Realms."

He slapped his hand hard onto the desk before him. "There is peace in the Nine Realms!"

I raised my chin. The times when his temper-tantrums would scare me were over. "There is peace in Asgard," I said. "But the Nine Realms are in mayhem, because no one is watching over them. You fail to do what is your most honourable duty and quite frankly, I'm disappointed."

He was on his feet in seconds. "You don't get to tell me-"

"Mother would be, too."

The words died on his tongue. It was another hit, maybe an unfair move. At once, I wanted to make it better, but could not; the apology got stuck in my throat.
Loki glared, but he had no rebuttal. As so often, I wished that I could feel what he was feeling to at least get a glimpse of what he was thinking; had I caught him in the act or did he truly think that he was doing a great job at ruling Asgard?

When he did not say anything, I turned away and started pulling books from the shelf behind me. I had to pick them out at random now, but it hardly mattered. Random books were better than no books.

When my arms were full, I faced him again and found him still rooted in the same spot. He was not glaring anymore, though, his frown had evened out.

I could not help myself. The apology might not have come out, but there was still time to breach the gap. My heart sang at just the thought of a peaceful solution.

"You know, there's still time," I said. "I'd come back and you could be yourself. All you'd have to do is the right thing."

His lips twisted into a smile that chilled me to the core. "Run back," he said. "Before I find out where you are."

I pressed the stack of books more closely to my chest. "All the more reason to go to Jotunheim. At least there, you won't follow."

I turned to leave and my knees suddenly buckled. The magic was slowly draining out of me; he had cut me off. While our emotional bond was almost permanently blocked, he usually let the magic flow - it served him as well. This was punishment.
My projection was flickering and my heartrate was speeding up. Without him, the limitations of my power were obvious. If the spell broke like this, I would not be able to take the books.
"Run," he repeated.

I grit my teeth. "One day, I'll be able to break this damn bond."

"But you won't," he said.

Just like he did not, because that was the only powersource we had.
Except, it was not. The possibility opened before my eyes like the curtain before a dramatic opera. I did have another powersource, even a much better one.

"Why not?" I asked and my voice shook with the sudden discovery. "I don't need you anymore."

The connection to the shapeshifters was not as effortless as my connection to Loki. It was like having to push open a really heavy door, the kind where you had to lean against and force it open with all your might.
When it opened, the result was all the more glorious. I connected to the magic of not only one person but of a whole people. For a moment, it felt like more than one little body could handle.

The next moment, every candle in the library lit up. Loki flinched when he was suddenly drenched in warm, golden light. He had about two seconds to look around before a flick of my hand sent him into his chair and the chair backwards into the next shelf. A whole row of books rained down on him.

"I don't want to be cut off from you," I said. "But it's you who's going to regret it. I'll be doing just fine."

Groaning, Loki sat up and brushed several books from his lap. His magic weaved in a gentle green light around his fingers, but he did not raise his hand.

"How did you do that?" he asked.

"You have your secrets," I said. "And I have mine."

He got up and took a few steps in my direction. His face shone with intrigue. "What we could do with that power..."

He had said that many times before: when we had first connected as well as when we had laid eyes on the Tesseract - I was sure that there were times when he had thought it or I had just forgotten. It had never ended well.
Now, I would not give him the chance to lead us into chaos. This would remain firmly mine.

"But that's not the question." I raised my chin and pulled my books even closer. "The question is only what I'm going to do with it, because you'll have no part of it."

"If you carry this to Jotunheim," Loki warned. "And your power falls into the hands of the Frost Giants-"

"Finally," I said. "I thought I 'd never get you scared."

His jaw clenched, but I held my ground and tried to stand as tall as I could with my arms still full.
It was time to go. There was nothing left to be said and Fenrir was probably worrying already; I had been gone a lot longer than I had anticipated and he would have felt the magic's pull.

"We'll see each other again," I said. "Probably sooner rather than later."

"As always," he said.

"As always," I repeated.

His face swam before my eyes. The world spun and I clutched even tighter to my books. I closed my eyes as tightly as I could.
For a moment, everything swirled, my skin, my soul, the world around me. Then the turmoil outside came to a rest. My feet sank into the sand beneath me. Air left my lungs in a shaky whisper.

The turmoil inside me did not stop: I should not have let him know, but there had been no other way - I should have told him, better and more certainly that I loved him, but he did not deserve to hear it. I would have liked to hear it from him even more.

When I opened my eyes to place the books on my desk, I found the topmost book's cover to be slightly damp with my tears. My heart was still beating hard.

There would be no further visit to Asgard; now that Loki knew what I could do with my power, it was time to get my people to the safety I had promised before he came to make sure I could not hurt him.
Jotunheim was the only place to go.

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