Chapter 14: Oh My God
Logan looked up at Marie from his morning coffee as she entered the kitchen. He cleared his throat.
"So, I spoke to Agatha and I've arranged for you to spend the evening at the girls' dorm tonight," he said as Marie went about getting her breakfast. "You can even have a sleepover if you want, just let Agatha and myself know what you decide."
Marie put her bread in the toaster and turned to regard her father curiously. Agatha was the dorm mother of the girls' dorm.
"Okay," she said slowly. "What's the occasion?"
"Ahh well," Logan cleared his throat again, awkwardly, "I have a date."
Marie stared at Logan as if he had just flown through the windshield of a car and miraculously healed from a broken neck.
"You... have a date?" she repeated in disbelief.
"Yep."
Marie pondered that for a moment, then shrugged and continued about getting her breakfast. "Okay then."
"Ssoooo, you're okay with it?" Logan asked cautiously. He had no idea what he was supposed to expect from this conversation.
"Why wouldn't I be?" Marie asked, pulling out a glass from the corner cupboard. "I'm sure you've gone on heaps of dates since you and Mama divorced."
"Ahh, yeah, I guess your mama probably did a lot of dating too," Logan said.
Marie shrugged. "I wouldn't know for sure. She went out a lot but she never exactly introduced me to any boyfriends. But then, you and Uncle Victor seem so convinced Mama is a raging slut, who apparently had three children to three different fathers, so for all I know she was getting herself laid every night."
"Maybe, but I doubt it," Logan replied and he took another sip of his coffee before he said something he shouldn't.
Marie grunted and silence fell. She finished getting her breakfast together and sat down at the kitchen table to eat. Logan finished his coffee and put his mug in the sink.
"So," he said, "I think there's something else you should know about tonight..."
"Yeah," Marie replied, her slice of toast hovering in front of her lips. "How long are you expecting to be? Because if you're planning on it being a late night, early morning kind of a date, then I think I should just do the sleepover."
Logan cleared his throat. "Well, I don't expect it to be that late, but that's not what I was... I'm going out with Ms Monroe."
Marie stared at him. Logan looked back at her patiently.
"You're dating my math teacher?" she asked finally.
"Well, it's only one date so far—"
"So far?"
"It might not come to anything—"
"But you want it to!"
"Well, yeah," Logan was determined to regain the upper hand, "I thought you liked her."
"I do like her. That doesn't mean I want you to date her!" Marie exclaimed. "Dammit, isn't there enough drama going on with you and Creed and Remy, without adding this to it?"
"What's happening with me and 'Ro has nothing to do with Remy or Creed and I'm only telling you as a courtesy," Logan replied with a frown at her.
"Whatever," Marie replied. "I'm doing the sleepover. I really don't want to know what time you come back tonight."
"Fine."
"Fine."
Word quickly got around to the girls that Marie would be staying with them overnight and this inevitably led to a unanimous decision to make a proper sleepover of it, complete with piling up bedding in the lounge and watching movies all night. Agatha agreed to forgo the usual "lights out" on the grounds that it wouldn't be a regular event and it wasn't a school night. A trip into town was organised by the girls to pick up junk food and movies.
Remy and John were waiting for Wanda and Marie as they exited the stables after their ride. Remy wrapped his arm around Marie and not-so-subtlety nudged John towards Wanda.
"Hello ladies," Remy said. "I hear you're having yourself a slumber party tonight."
"Ugh, don't remind me," Wanda said. "It would be fine if it was just Marie and I, but oh no, the whole gaggle had to get in on it."
"Fear no more, Wanda!" John declared as they walked together. "For I have come up with a diabolical evil scheme—"
"You came up with it?" Remy cut in, smirking at John.
"Yes, I came up with it. You just figured out how to pull it off," John insisted. "Ahem, as I was saying, how'd you girls like to help us with a little prank?"
"Of course you two would be all over pulling a prank at a slumber party," Wanda said dryly.
"You can hardly expect us to ignore such a golden opportunity falling into our laps like this," Remy said, grinning broadly. "Plus, no one will expect us to get them so good at such short notice."
"Uh huh," Wanda said blandly.
"So, what exactly did you guys have in mind?" Marie asked.
"That depends," John was grinning. "What movies were you gals planning on seeing tonight?"
"I have a feeling we're going to be subjected to chick flicks and romantic comedies," Wanda bemoaned, "the usual trash."
"Plan A it is then," Remy said gleefully.
After making arrangements with Marie and Wanda which involved the girls fiddling with some of the equipment in the girls' lounge, John and Remy headed back to Remy's room to finish setting up. Most of the day had gone by this point and it was close to dinner time when they headed down the hallway on the top floor. Right outside Remy's door was a huge patch of white on the floor, messed up with hand and shoe prints.
"What's that?" John asked.
Remy pulled his sleeve down over his hand, a slight smile playing on his lips, and he took the handle of his door.
"Talcum powder," Remy said as he opened the door.
"Oh, it is too," John snickered. "Hey, remember that time last year when we blew talcum powder all over the freshmen rooms?"
"Oui," Remy said, and was well pleased to find that the clear plastic strip he taped to the bottom edge of the door had ensured that there was very little powder in his room. "I wonder who tried to do it to me, and if they'll have all the powder out of their faces come dinner time."
"Who tried to..." John began, then took another look at the bottom of Remy's door while Remy sat down at his computer to complete his plans. "Oh clever. I never thought of taping a guard on my door."
"And because it's clear, they don't realise there's anything in the way," Remy said smugly. "So they go to all that trouble of pouring all that powder in front of my door and taking to it with a portable fan, only to blow the powder into their own faces."
"Nice."
"So, Pyro, when was the last time you went to your room?" Remy asked as he tapped away on his keyboard.
John opened his mouth to reply, paused, looked down at the talcum powder, then swore loudly. Remy chuckled as John raced off.
Sure enough, to John's horror, he got back to his room to find everything covered in fine white talcum powder. Every surface, every piece of furniture, his laptop, the junk he'd left on the floor. Powder had even blown into the ensuite since he had left the door open. John covered his face, groaned, and swore again.
Talcum powder was a pain to try and clean up, but at least none of it got on his notebooks.
"Oh stop smirking, Remy," John said irritably over dinner.
"Désolé, mon ami, but I always appreciate a good prank," Remy replied as he cut up his food. "I especially like a good prank that back fires."
"As long as it's not back firing on you, right?" Marie asked.
"No, no, I can still appreciate it when I've been had," Remy said, glancing over at the table where most of the X-Men from their gym class were sitting.
Their first discovery over dinner was that all the Brotherhood boys from their gym class had returned to their rooms to find them covered in talcum powder, just as John had.
"You realise, of course, that this means war," Lance said.
"Little late to the party, mon ami," Remy said. "Pyro and I declared war months ago."
"That's right," John said, thumping the table for good measure. "Get with the times, man."
"You guys are aware that if you hadn't started it with the smoke bombs and getting us all detention for a week, there wouldn't be a war," Jason said.
"We was framed," John insisted. "Framed, I tell you."
"Sure you were," Jason replied.
"We was!"
"Uh huh, yeah, sure."
"Enough," Remy said. "Right now it's pretty redundant whether you believe us or not. We have pranks to pull."
After dinner, the girls gathered in the lounge dressed in their night clothes. They watched the first movie in their pile without incident, partly because the pranksters didn't want to tip their hand too soon and partly because Agatha watched the movie with them.
Agatha retired for the night after the first movie and with their dorm mother out of earshot, Joanne turned her attention to Marie:
"So," Joanne said with a tone far too sharp to be considered 'conversational', "you slept with Remy yet?"
"Uhh, no," Marie replied awkwardly, "not that it's any of your business."
"Hmph, well, that explains why he's still with you then," Joanne replied haughtily.
"Don't be stupid," said Lila. "I was with him for four months and we never did anything. Just as long as you don't bring up the boyfriend thing, he's happy."
"Yeah," Andrea said with a smirk. "What was that he said to you? Just 'cause you're a frenzy in bed—"
"Hey!" Joanne objected, cutting her off.
"Besides, there's a flaw in your theory," Andrea went on. "I've been doing him on and off for two years."
"You have?" Marie asked, wondering if perhaps Remy had seen her while they had been dating and hadn't told her.
"Yeah, I'm his lover in between lovers," Andrea said smugly. "He'll be knocking on my door again, sooner or later."
"Oh puh-lease," Jean said. "Do you even hear yourself, Andrea? You sound pathetic."
"You're just mad because you've never been with him," Andrea replied haughtily.
"No, I'm not," Jean insisted. "First of all, I have dated Remy. Second of all, I broke things off, not because of sex, but because I wasn't going to continue dating a guy who can't even commit to being someone's boyfriend. And you have to admit, that's really stupid, because he has been doing a great job of playing 'boyfriend', he doesn't even date more than one girl at a time."
Marie felt relieved hearing that. She wondered if the other girls knew Remy's dad didn't want him dating but decided not to bring it up. They all knew Remy a lot longer than she had.
"I'm sure Remy is quite fun for a fling," Jean went on, "but I will stick with Scott, who doesn't have any commitment issues."
"Really? Are you sure?" Callisto taunted. "He seems awfully fond of Ms Frost if you ask me."
"Oh right, like having a crush on a teacher is anything to be concerned about," Candy said. "A crush is not the same thing as cheating and it has nothing to do with your ability to commit."
"If Scott cheats on me with Ms Frost, I think we're going to have bigger things to worry about than commitment issues," Jean said blandly. "
"So, just out of curiosity," Jubilee spoke up, "how many of you have dated Remy?"
Andrea, Callisto, Jean, Lila, Joanna, Kitty, and Alison put their hands up.
"Wow," Jubilee said the same time Tabitha said, "He sure gets around, doesn't he?"
"Not all of us slept with him, though," Lila said pointedly. "And do you even count, Jean? You two dated for what? Two weeks?"
"She asked who he had dated," Jean replied simply. "And technically we did. No one says your relationship doesn't count just 'cause you didn't get into bed with him."
"And Marie?" Andrea said, looking towards her. "You have to bang him at least once while you can. Trust me on this."
"You should never trust anyone who says 'trust me'," Kitty said with a giggle.
"Actually, I recommend the opposite," said Jean, and checked off named on her fingers. "Let's see, he's slept with Andrea, Joanna, Callisto... I believe he also slept with Genevieve—"
"Yeah, he did," Candy said with a nod, "and Katrina."
"Nooo," Jean said, staring at her. "He didn't!"
"He did!"
"I knew they dated, but Katrina was super-religious."
"I guess he couldn't resist the Catholic school girl thing," Andrea said maliciously. "Well, well, well..."
"Shut it, Andrea," Candy glared at her, then she turned back to Jean. "It was her idea."
"No way was it her idea," Jean was shaking her head. "Remy must have conned her."
"Katrina swears that he didn't. And believe me, I asked. I thought the same thing," Candy insisted. "But no, she told me that he was very respectful of her beliefs and didn't push her at all. He even reminded her that she didn't believe in pre-marital sex when she brought it up."
"I don't believe a word of it," Joanne said scornfully.
"I don't care what you believe," Candy replied in dismissal.
"I'm not even sure I believe it," Jean said. "I mean, we're talking about the girl who was seriously considering becoming a nun for God's...umm...for goodness sake. I was surprised she and Remy even dated."
"Well, they did and they did," said Candy, "just saying."
"Okay, so that's four—five—girls he's slept with just at this school," Jean said. "Remy's what? Sixteen? Sixteen and he's already slept with five different girls, and those are the ones we know about. He's a slut. He's a slutty-slutty-slut-slut, and sooner or later he's going to get herpes or HIV or Chlamydia or something, or get his latest 'not-girlfriend' pregnant—"
"I disagree," said Andrea. "He's practically fanatical about protection. It's almost a turn off. He won't even finger me without wearing gloves."
She pouted while the rest of the girls turned up their noses at the mental image that provoked. Meanwhile, at the back of the room, Wanda happily typed in "slutty-slutty-slut-slut" into the chat room she was in with Remy and John on her laptop. Although things had been rigged so Remy and John could see and hear the movie, and see the girls, they would only be able to hear the girls if they were loud. Wanda was taking great delight in transcribing the meaty bits.
Pyro: Do you think Jean thinks you're a slut, Remy?
Gambit: The thought has crossed my mind.
Scarlet Witch: And now Andrea is bitching about you having the audacity to use protection.
Gambit: She always bitches about that
Gambit: then she wonders why I avoid sleeping with her
Scarlet Witch: Wait, you avoid her?
Scarlet Witch: Hahaha the way she carries on anyone would think you can't stay away from each other
Gambit: Hey, Someone that lax about using protection probably has herpes or something
"What are you doing over there, Wanda?" Lila asked, grateful for a reason to change the subject.
"Something far more interesting that participating in your pathetic gossip," Wanda replied. "Are we actually going to watch another movie? Or are you more interested in getting your sex education from someone so dismissive of using protection she probably has herpes?"
"Hey!" Andrea objected.
"Woohoo, go Wanda," Alison said, grinning.
"I agree," said Jean, standing up. "Let's put on the next movie."
Jean slipped in a new DVD and once the lights were turned off, Marie hid the remote. Wanda advised the boys that everything was in readiness.
Pryo: Why oh why are we watching this piece of crap?
Gambit: We're pulling a prank
Pyro: My little toe could write a better story than this.
Gambit: You don't have to "watch it" watch it.
Gambit: We are looking for good places to interrupt it
Pyro: How about right at the beginning before we even see the opening credits?
Scarlet Witch: Sounds like a good time to me
Gambit: We need to lure them into a false sense of security
Gambit: Or at the very least, wait until they're invested into the movie enough that the interruption occurs at the most devastating moment
Pyro: But that's just the thing. You can't possibly invest yourself in a crappy story like this
Pyro: Unrealistic characters
Scarlet Witch: Stupid "self worth" themes every single time
Pyro: Men being made out to be complete and utter idiots
Scarlet Witch: Fate and True Love and a downpour of other lovey-dovey crappola
Gambit: Wow okay so first: you two deserve each other
Gambit: Just saying
Gambit: Second, it's a movie. They're all unrealistic.
Pyro: Not so! All stories may be based on an unrealistic premise
Pyro: It's how the characters react to the situation that makes it realistic
Scarlet Witch: Exactly
Scarlet Witch: You can't suspend your sense of disbelief if the characters don't behave realistically
Scarlet Witch: Ergo no immersion
Gambit: Just humor me OK?
After what seemed like way too long, the lead characters looked deeply into each others eyes and leaned towards each other. The music swept up, and just before they were about to kiss...
"Omigod!"
"Ewwwwwwwwwwwww!"
"That's disgusting!"
"What the hell?"
In their room, Remy and John cracked up laughing as they watched the girls react, some of them loud enough to be picked up on the microphone on Wanda's webcam. It was dark, but there was enough light from the TV for them to make out seeing one of the girls stand up with her hands to her face and making jerking movements as if she was trying to stop herself from throwing up. There was screeching of horror and a couple of them began laughing out of a nervous reaction rather than thinking it was actually funny.
"No! She ate it!"
"I'm gonna be sick."
Abruptly the lounge door opened and someone appeared in silhouette in the doorway. Remy took that as his cue to switch the movie back.
"What in the world is going on here?" Agatha demanded.
What Agatha heard was a chaotic jumble of explanations, none of which made any sense, just a lot of complaints about the movie switching to something gross and how one of them just threw up in her mouth. The more Agatha heard, the deeper she frowned. She looked at the TV and saw a perfectly innocent movie playing.
"That's enough nonsense," she said. "I don't know what you're complaining about, but if you can't keep it quiet then you're all going to have to go to bed, and we definitely won't be doing any more sleepovers. Is that clear?"
Agatha left and Marie quickly retrieved the remote before the lights could be turned back on. The girls all took a few minutes to get over the shock, and in Amanda's case, wash her mouth out.