Disclaimer: Obviously I am not Stephanie Meyer. I am generously using her characters. All of the dialogue comes directly from the book Twilight or her unpublished manuscript Midnight Sun, thus it all remains the property of Stephanie Meyer as well as the overall plot. This is merely a rewrite from Edward's PoV. That means that everything is hers and I just explored it a bit.
The reference to events in 1950 is courtesy of Jessica314's story Tale of Years: 1950 here on Fanfiction. She has generously permitted me to write as if it were a part of cannon. I have done so up until her Chapter 39, which is as much as she had written when I started scratching out the framework for this story.
The reference to Edward following Rosalie is from The Dark Gift by staringatthesky here on Fanfiction. She has generously permitted me to use it here.
The seriousness of the situation hung heavily on everyone except Alice. She looked positively radiant. Whatever caused her to look that way had to do with a vision. There was no other explanation. My concerns about what she might have seen as the ambulance took me out of range dissipated. Other than Alice, everyone's thoughts seemed to be almost exactly where they were at the end of the last table conference. And Alice has always had a unique way of seeing the world. Whatever it was, her mind gymnastics or not, I'd find out eventually.
Usually Carlisle started these conversations, so we were waiting for him, but tonight he seemed preoccupied in some strange way. It was strange, because whatever was keeping his attention weren't his thoughts as they were nearly blank. If I were to attempt to articulate it, I would say that he was swimming in the weight of the moment. Finally Jasper cleared his throat and Carlisle looked at everyone.
He motioned to me and said, "Yes, sorry Jasper, we should get started. Tell them Edward where we stand."
This was not talking to Esme or even Carlisle. This conversation was about assessing risk and weighing options, so I laid out the information that way. First I detailed all that Bella had told me that she saw.
All of my siblings but Alice were stunned. I figured she had already seen it. Emmett's thoughts could be summarized by, "Wow. That's really really really bad." Once the shock had dissolved he began calculating how he would aid in the defence of the family along with how he would protect Rosalie from what might come. Jasper was running through options and risk percentages. Alice was thinking about some new fashion styles. Esme's thoughts were a mix of her previous images of me as a hero and concern regarding the direction the conversation might go, almost protectively of Bella, but that made no sense at all, so I dismissed it. Carlisle was trying to think of a way to make sure this didn't turn into a brawl–I wasn't sure why he saw that as a possibility–and leaving Bella alive. I began rubbing my temples as Rosalie's mental volume kept increasing. Her internal litany of profanities were quickly accompanied by rapid low-mutterings where only the occasional insult could be heard, until she stared at me with a look to kill and asked darkly, "What were you thinking Edward Cullen?"
I gawped at her, most acutely aware of her murderously rage-filled thoughts. I tried the defence I had concocted. "I don't know what I would have done if her blood had spilled." Even to my ears I didn't sound convincing.
"So, you're trying to tell me that your options were to save her by exposing us instead of killing her and exposing us?" Her voice has risen in volume as she had gone on. She was fuming.
I looked down. It sounded so ridiculous when she said it. Rosalie was right. I was no hero. I had committed a crime and in any other group of our kind Bella and I would have been exterminated without hesitation.
She stood up. Her chair scraped across the floor. "The Volturi could come and remove us all from existence. You remember the Volturi, Edward? Black coats that enforce the only rule that matters: keep our existence hidden from humans?" She was livid. "Maybe you have a death wish, but I don't." Her hands were balled into fists and every part of her body was taut. Her posture reminded me of the first time she came across human blood. She compelled herself by sure force of will to not act on the monster with her, which if her thoughts were any indication, wanted nothing more to see me torn to pieces and burned slowly.
She was right, of course. I knew this. Everyone at the table knew this. In an odd way, though, having her voice it and expose my sin was reassuring. Despite all that she said and thought, Jasper's words from when he was first with us came to me. He had said that we were lucky that misunderstandings and arguments were the worst of how we treated each other. She stood there forcing herself not to move because she loved this family and she would defend it to her last moment, even while she hated me right then. Simultaneously it reinforced and strengthened my own self-loathing, humiliation, and despondency. Rosalie would have never caused the scene I had today.
Emmett put his hand on her back. I watched as her eyes softened slightly.
"Rosalie, please." Esme begged.
"Since this family is implicated, I want to know how he is going to clean up his mess."
Esme's eyes pleaded with her to calm down. Her mind drew awful images of Rosalie and I at each other's throats acting like savage beasts, but then rejected them not even wanting to contemplate the possibility that we would come to blows.
"Rosalie," Carlisle's tone was soft and compassionate. "I know it is a lot to take in, and certainly this is a scenario we have never faced before, but when you're ready, I would like Edward to continue."
Emmett and Jasper jaws opened, their faced contorting into bewildered looks of "there's more?" Alice's looked impervious. I was uncertain if Rosalie could contain herself with more.
Go on, son, tell them the good news, he encouraged.
I explained the lie I had told Bella, my insistence on this version of things, how she had kept to the story from the beginning, and how she had insisted that she would never tell anyone.
"Yeah, cause they'd lock her in a nut house," exclaimed Emmett.
It was all on the table. I waited for the conversation that would determine Bella's fate.
As no one wanted to weigh in first I turned to the only person's thoughts that seemed helpful right now. "Jasper, why don't you share all of the angles that you are considering?"
He looked at me questioning, and I nodded. I could always see when he was put in a place of leadership how he had led armies.
"I am going to list them in order of risk, with the highest risk option first. We could, of course, combine some of these options."
We all nodded for him to continue except Alice who was unfazed.
"Most risky: Move; Next: Do nothing but wait. Go to school, follow Bella if necessary, and wait to see if she keeps her word; Next: Manufacture some false evidence that shows Bella as an unstable, unreliable witness. We would need to falsify psychiatric hospital records, etc, or we could have her found with a substance that she shouldn't have; Last: Kill her in a way that looks like the concussion was more serious than the hospital thought."
"You forgot, change her into one of us," Alice added casually and irritatingly, as if he had left off the most obvious option. As she said it, I could see Alice's vision: Bella with crimson eyes running with Alice in the forest. We froze from shock.
Before I even had a thought I had bounded over the table and launched myself at Alice. She had, of course, seen it coming, so my hands came up empty. I mentally heard Jasper leaping at me as I was almost across the table. I adjusted, but not enough. He grabbed my hair and was hurling his elbow to my throat when everyone moved at once. Emmett and Rosalie grabbed Jasper. Esme pulled me back. Alice moved between Jasper and I putting out her hands in both of ours directions. And Carlisle bellowed, "Stop!"
In unison we all turned towards Carlisle. When was the last time he shouted? It would have taken me a few minutes to go through my memories to find the answer, if there even was one.
With purposeful composure Carlisle looked at each of us sternly but there was fear in his eyes. "Done?"
No one moved.
"Edward, go back to your seat." Now. The tone stunned me. It was quite probably the most authoritative I'd ever heard from him.
I hung my head, unsure of what had come over me, whispered to my mom that I was okay now, and headed back to my seat.
"I'm sorry, Alice," I told her as I walked by and ruffled her hair.
She shrugged. "No blood, no foul," she replied and then grinned broadly.
I smiled back. Know-it-all psychic sister.
I looked into her mate's eyes. "I apologise Jasper. Won't happen again," I told him as I went past.
He nodded but kept a close eye on me. He thought about what would have happened if our leader were his old one, Maria, instead of Carlisle. I internally shuttered. She was one cruel sadistic beast. I was lucky to have Carlisle. I knew that, but Jasper's imagery was a stark reminder.
As we each found our seats again, Carlisle said very slowly and diplomatically, "Any other options to put on the table?"
Alice's face fell.
Rosalie spoke first. "We have to eliminate the risk. The human knows two much. I vote for either option three or four," but her tone and thoughts leaned in the direction of killing the girl that I had just saved. I snarled, but managed to not launch myself. This was just a discussion, became my internal mantra. She had the right to voice her opinion.
Carlisle looked at me. Edward, he warned, get control of yourself.
"I would be willing to stage it if he," Rosalie pointing to me, "isn't up for the job, even though he made the mess."
I willed myself to not respond. Outbursts weren't doing me any favours.
"I don't think that's such a wise idea, Rosalie," Esme warned softly. Mental images of Rosalie's demeanour upon returning each night that she had killed one of her attackers rose into Esme's mind, then an image of Rosalie over Bella with Bella dead. Bella looked peaceful like she was sleeping. Rosalie appeared in a manner that I had only seen in Esme's mind each of the nights that Rosalie had committed murder. Rosalie was crouched over Bella blood-crazed with her hair wild and eyes that spoke of insanity.
Rosalie huffed. Who does she think she is telling me I couldn't do it? Then each image of each man she had murdered in cold-blood came into her mind. Next she imagined how she would do it so Bella's death looked natural. She had a medical degree. Her plan would raise no suspicions. Upon Carlisle's request, I had followed Rosalie each time she had killed in order to keep her safe. I knew how Rosalie functioned in each of those moments. Esme's mental image was far from the truth. Rosalie never once lost control and gave into the beast. I knew she could kill Bella exactly as she pictured it.
I barred my teeth, but I forced myself to stay in my chair. I knew Rosalie was fiercely loyal to the family and didn't like change, but to kill an innocent girl shocked me. She had been an innocent girl once. What I saw as hypocrisy infuriated me, while simultaneously her willingness to do anything, even this, to protect our family highlighted my inadequacies.
Carlisle looked at me.
Edward, please he and Esme nearly warned together.
That isn't helping, Esme added.
I nodded. I composed myself. Easier said than done since I still wasn't sure why I was reacting in this manner.
"Oh, darling. I know you could, but I wouldn't want to see you need to," Esme attempted to explain to Rosalie.
At that Rosalie's mental indignation eased and her anger and frustration was redirected towards my failures.
Emmett was baffled at the exchanges and my behaviour. Our family had killed before, perhaps not purposefully, but Emmett couldn't wrap his mind around why I was responding protectively regarding the girl whose scent had nearly been my undoing. His thoughts begged me to not force him to defend Rosalie.
Jasper figured I must have been responding to mental messages, since he knew I only tolerated humans and didn't revere them like Carlisle. He was attempting to figure out what could cause such a strong response. My thoughts were in line with Jasper's. I was equally baffled.
Emmett was all for Jasper's third option. He didn't like the idea of Rosalie killing anyone. Discrediting Bella provided the solution to both his need to protect the family and Rosalie.
Jasper was in favour of the least risky option in his list. He rejected Alice's option because creating a newborn would constitute a higher risk. For his rejection of Alice's option I was grateful. His choice of killing Bella did not surprise me. It was tactically the most prudent move.
I figured I had come close enough to a true altercation with my brother for one night. And if Esme's mental images were any indication a true vicious fight would wound her tremendously. With great strain I successfully forced myself not to react to Jasper and instead addressed my family.
"I think the options Jasper offered in the order he presented would be dead on if we were dealing with a stranger. But we're not. We need to take into account our past experience with this human. You all have already verified her capacity to keep things to herself. She could have readily talked about how I behaved when I first met her or how I acted in the office after school. But she didn't. She never spoke a word. I'm confident that she won't say anything this time either. That should be enough for us to wait one day before ruining her life. If I'm wrong about her, then we simply plant something, as Jasper suggested in his third option. In that case, it wouldn't matter if we acted tonight or tomorrow night. We give her the chance to demonstrate her intentions and for us to observe if her previous behaviour will be indicative of her future behaviour. Is this not what just last night you each recommend I do? Given her choices thus far I can't in good conscious have her pay for my weakness."
Esme's look of pleasure could have melted glaciers.
Carlisle's thoughts were still focused on how to manage this situation.
My argument made little impact on Rosalie's, Emmett's, and Jasper's thoughts. None of them bought it and each, in their own way, dismissed it. I wasn't surprised since I had felt as if my mouth had a mind of its own. I had just gone against my own logic and guilt. Alice's, naturally, hadn't changed at all since the beginning of the conversation, but this was Alice's way.
"Then I should leave. I caused this problem."
Jasper and Alice rolled their eyes, Emmett looked hurt, and Rosalie could have sent me to hell with her look. Esme's thoughts were painful No! You can't leave!
Edward, running away from your problems and deserting us is not the right answer, reprimanded Carlisle.
"We need your gift more than ever Edward," Jasper pointed out.
Carlisle was right. Jasper was right. And I couldn't hurt Esme. I had no option but to stay put and face the problem I created. Really, I didn't want to fight with my family. Concurrently, I couldn't seem to stop my need to defend this insignificant girl. I wanted to make them see what I saw–Bella could be trusted–that this human girl was selfless and brave. She was not a threat. I tried to point to her actions up to now. She hadn't told anyone. Wasn't that enough to wait before ruining her life?
Despite humans not being my food source, before my pleas I would have never seen one of them as worth defending. Is this the feeling that Carlisle feels when he says all life is precious? This desire to protect and keep safe? I had never considered the possibility that I could share something like this in common with Carlisle.
I felt as if I had a deeper understanding of my father today than I ever had before. I hadn't been near flowing blood like Tyler's since my embarrassment in 1950. Yet today it had barely registered. That was when the lesson I thought I had understood in 1950 came back to me. Yet this wasn't Jasper manipulating the emotional environment. This was qualitatively different.
After all these years of reading Carlisle's mind and believing that I understood him as well as he understood himself, I had been was wrong. Reading his mind was analogous to reading a book, it gave me a lot of information, but not understanding like this. Jasper's emotional translations had been helpful, yet were also not the same as this feeling of walking in someone else's shoes. Once again I was wrong and more of how I saw myself crumbled away. In that moment my understanding of my father increased and I found myself loving him even more deeply. I knew before he spoke what he would say to us, that I would work to keep my family safe, and that I could trust him with Bella's life.
Carlisle cleared his throat. The talking stopped although their thoughts made it seem to me otherwise.
"Each time that we face risks as a family I am reminded of how lucky we are to have one another. Our ties that bind us are unusual for our kind, and we each in our own way fight hard to keep us strong. I am so grateful that each of you feels so passionately, not just for your own life, but also for the family as a whole. There are none others quite like us. We live as we do by choice. We choose, although not always perfectly at times, to honour and cherish life both of our own kind and also of humans. We have made mistakes. Lives have been taken through our hands, but each time we have strove to learn from the experience and to live by our conscious even more fervently. The greatest danger before us is the chance that we might lose ourselves and risk becoming who we are not."
He looked at Alice.
"Please remember that I have vowed to not change anyone again. I cannot go back on my word."
Alice looked down at her hands. Then she searched for her vision. It was still there.
"I agree with Jasper that moving constitutes the greatest risk right now. We must first, for all our sakes," he poignantly looked at me, "minimize our exposure."
I looked down at the table ashamed.
"Yes, accidents have happened, but we do not kill innocents deliberately and risk losing the essence of who we are. You, my family, are my priority, and we will do what is necessary to protect our family, but not an inch more. Assuming Edward is right, that Bella can be trusted, then we have no need to discredit her, but," as he looked at Jasper, "I think we should leave that option on the table for now."
Esme agreed with Carlisle. Emmett conceded easily. Rosalie and Alice conceded grudgingly. Not Jasper. Carlisle looked at him imploringly urging him to see the world as he saw it. Finally, Carlisle asked Jasper to speak his mind.
"I'm sorry Carlisle, I cannot in good conscious allow anything that might constitute a risk to Alice's well-being. I'm sure you can understand that."
Carlisle nodded attempting to think of something to say that would persuade Jasper. I knew that Jasper was mentally resolute. Carlisle or not Jasper would not let this pass. Just as he wouldn't of hesitated in ending me to protect Alice if necessary moments before. There was nothing in this world he wouldn't do to keep Alice safe.
In the end it was Alice. When it comes to Jasper, it's always Alice.
"Jazz, for my sake, I would really appreciate it if you didn't kill my best friend. I would be quite put out if you did." Jazz stared into her eyes with all of us watching until it was almost embarrassing. They were communicating at an emotional level with barely any thought. Then he nodded.
Then like that Alice's face was bubbly and excited again. Looking at me she asked sweetly, "So, are you going to introduce us tomorrow?" while she brought her vision of her and Bella to her mind.
"No!" My reaction was extreme for her tone and question. Jasper mentally warned me to stand down. At least time this time I used my words and didn't hurl myself.
Nevertheless, no matter what, I would not allow this girl that I had risked everything to save to become like us and lose her soul. That was absolutely unacceptable, but now was not the time for that discussion. It was a mute point anyway. None of us except Carlisle had changed anyone, and he just refused. I worked at calming myself.
"No, Alice. We all are going to stay away from Bella. I will do what we agreed before the accident today. I will not kill her and I will also make sure she keeps her promise." I looked at Jasper. "And if she does slip, I will inform you all immediately and we will decide what to do next."
Jasper nodded. He would hold me to that.