A/N: LAST PART. Makes me a bit sad.
I know the ending is a bit romcom but HEY I DON'T CARE.

I walked alone

And there you found me

I was so cold

But you surrounded

Every single broken part of me

I forgot who I could be

All alone

What I needed

What I needed was you

Was you

Erin McCarley - What I Needed

After that call he didn't hear from Dean again. It wasn't weird at all, he hadn't heard from Dean before the call so why after?

Castiel wasn't sure why he'd expected something and he wasn't sure what he'd expected either, except from the horrible embarrassment he felt about the whole situation.

So he'd tried to keep busy to avoid thinking, with really just anything at all, everything worked; writing, drinking coffee, listening to too loud music that made his neighbours knock on the walls. He didn't want to think at all, really because usually it all somehow lead to that call and/or green eyes.

He was trying not to overanalyze the occasion and break down every small change in voice, every word into something that wasn't there.

But, even more as usual, he'd failed miserably at not thinking (it was what humans did after all, over thinking things) and he was currently trying to tell himself that it wouldn't hurt that he was thinking, it wouldn't change anything anyways, right?

He wasn't in class, he wasn't in the coffee shop and he wasn't at home when he thought this, no, he sat in a bus, on his way to Chuck Shurley's office, back at Edlund's.

The book deal was indeed exciting but lately he hadn't really been able to feel the joy of it all and this made him angry with himself, that he was so deep into himself that he couldn't even feel the joy of finally getting his big dream come true.

Lately his anger had grown bigger and it felt like he was walking the earth with small bombs tied too tight to his ankles which were ready to explode any second, if they met any small stone on their path. Not only that, but they were tied too tightly and were stopping his blood flow so slowly his feet had grown number and number.

The thought of the call was haunting him, really. He wanted to spill it all to someone but he wasn't sure why, how or to whom. He wasn't sure whom would want to listen to his shitty life that he wasn't very proud of for some reason and he didn't want to get judged.

He'd been thinking about calling Jo, but he was scared what she might think of him and she'd probably already heard Dean's version and he didn't want to get judged by his friend. Not only that, but he didn't want to risk screaming at her because lately he'd been so angry.

He was scared of unintentionally screaming at Chuck today too but he couldn't let that bother him (only he did it anyways).

The bus stopped close enough to the office building and Castiel got off the bus without not once looking at the other people in the bus, without watching anyone as he usually did.

He'd seen Dean. When he was walking to his college one day, he'd seen Dean. The confused feelings which had flushed through his mind had nearly made him run away and hide in nearest bush but he hadn't, he'd just walked past Dean and his heart had cried, because he didn't want to get too much attention and also, there were no bush that close to him.

His heart hadn't cried literally, of course. Actually, he'd more or less felt numb and he didn't really understand when people said their heart hurts or cried, it more felt like a big, empty nothing to him and he couldn't help but think that the nothing was worse than it hurting, but he used the phrase as only a phrase because it sounded better than saying he kept a black hole where his heart should be. Actually, he'd preferred a hurting heart, he could've taken the pain but instead he was trapped in an empty void, only filled with his thoughts.

Well, he'd hurried past Dean, with the thought that it was not convenient at all, seeing him, because now his mind was once again stuck up on the green eyes and the call.

He hadn't been able to help himself with the thoughtless staring and of course Dean had looked up and stopped, opened his mouth.

Castiel hadn't been able to stop himself from running then, not caring about what others thought and when thinking about it now, hearing Dean screaming his name he wanted to know what Dean had to say, wanted to hear his voice address him, wanted to see his green eyes even if they were filled with anger and hate.

Yes, Christmas had passed. He'd spent it with Anna, Gabriel and his mother and it had been just like every other Christmases, with a few presents, kind of not eatable food that their mother had cooked and lots of not-really-that-cheery smiles.

Of course Castiel loved his family but he sometimes wished they didn't need to pretend that they were all thinking of their absent father that Castiel only remembered holding the speech to him about him not being shy. Of course this year wasn't any different except from Castiel. He told them all they shouldn't be thinking of the past but his mother had just looked at him with roe dear-like face and told him they were in the "now". Yes, sure, mother.

His mother was nearly as good at lying to herself as he was.

It was February when Jo called. He hadn't heard from her since thanksgiving, he'd been scared of talking to her, what she might've said and thought about it. He'd rather live the lie that they were good then talking to her and realising the lie wasn't true (as lies usually were).

But, for once Castiel wasn't right. When Jo called she didn't really say anything at all and he thought that maybe she didn't know. It felt empty to Castiel, the nothing- talk but he gladly joined in on the pointless talking because he hadn't had a lot of that for some time. He talked as cheerily with her as possible until the very end when Jo became silent.

"You know, both of you got it twisted around in your fucking heads. You two should just talk, straight up talk. I can hear it Castiel, and don't you tell me I ain't hearing shit because I am."
Silence from Castiel's side before he could trust his speechless voice.

"Who?"

"You know who."

Then there came an even thicker silent and then Jo said goodbye and left Castiel with lots of confusing thoughts, like wondering why Dean actually had called his name that day, he hadn't sounded very angry.

The day had been horrible. Everything had went wrong, and it had all been Dean's fault (at least the thoughts of Dean).

The call he'd gotten previous night from Jo had dragged all thoughts to the surface and that meant him being angry with himself and nearly forgetting a paper on his desk, causing him to having to run back to his apartment after half of the way and missing the first half of his first lesson, maths.

He'd handed in the paper but then he'd had lunch on his own and he'd spilled coffee on his trousers. After the lunch everything had been running smoothly up until he missed the bus to the coffee shop so he'd had to walk all the way in the cold and wet weather.

After arriving inside he'd dropped two cups of coffee and now he was walking home, again in the cold, wet weather in only his trench coat that were a bit too cold.

He was nearly home when he felt something on his leg.

Castiel looked down and saw a golden dog. He recognised the golden fur with his eyes and his fingers that too quickly dug into the thick fur recognised the smooth, silk like texture against his fingers. Bones.

The thought of this being Sam's dog didn't make him feel too weird, but this dog being Sam's dog but in the city where Dean lived and not Sam lived in, made him nervous.

He grabbed the collar and when Bones sat down and looked into his eyes he thought about letting go of the collar again, not having to walk into Dean, again, but he didn't because he actually wanted to talk to the other man and he didn't want Bones to get hurt either, that might've been the case if he let the dog go and let it run around and maybe get hit by a car.

So, he stayed, of course, and didn't even let go of the collar when he heard Dean's voice angrily call for the dog. He didn't even let go when he saw Dean turning a corner and walking to his direction.

Castiel didn't even let go of the collar when Dean saw him and stopped with a blank face. No, Castiel held even tighter and tried to prepare himself for whatever was coming but when he met Dean's eyes it all went blank, everything that was in his mind was his hands gripping the collar tight and Dean watching him.

He did think about letting the collar go when Dean began to walk again, towards him, but he couldn't let it go, his hands too harshly and strongly, nearly desperately gripping the collar of the dog.

So there they now stood, face to face and neither of them saying anything, just watching each other.

"Cas."

Castiel looked away.

"I'm sorry," he blurted out and let go of the collar because he couldn't and then he turned around to walk away but this time Dean apparently caught something of his, his trench coat was stuck in Dean's hand, almost like Castiel had grabbed Bones' collar..

"No, don't."

Castiel turned around, seeing Dean with a face that wasn't blank anymore and the dog looking happy (Bones looked slightly out of place).

"Why? I don't want to hear it."

"You don't even know what I'll say."

"I can guess."

"You guess wrong."

He looked down at his trench coat, gripped it tightly and snapped it out of Dean's hand.

"Goodbye, it was nice knowing you."

It hurt saying it but he had to, he couldn't bathe in the sorrow forever and he was determined to get it all out of his head even if Jo's words still was in his brain so he began walking.

"Cas, I... I liked you too, y'know."

That made his steps slow down and he stopped after his small marsh. Nope, Dean was lying. The lights from the lamps that were lining the calm road was providing a yellow light that made Dean's face get a sudden glow when Castiel turned around.

"And I'm sorry I made you think I hated you, but you made me think you hated me."
"I- I could never hate you, Dean."

"I thought you were disgusted by me."
"I thought you only was nice to me because you felt bad for me."

They laughed a quiet, trying and shy laugh when Bones barked, reminding them both of his presence.

Suddenly they were too close and suddenly lips were on lips and suddenly a thick haze went over Castiel's mind.

Too suddenly it ended.

"You sure you want this?"

"Yes."

Castiel looked at Dean's face and let his hand reach up to touch it.

He didn't feel so alone.

I'll be the angel by your side

I will get you through the night

I'll be the strength you can't provide on your own

'Cause when you're down and out of time

And you think you've lost the fight

Let me be the angel

The angel by your side

Francesca Battistelli - Angel By Your Side

A/N: SONGS USED IN THIS CHAPTER:

What I Needed - Erin McCarley
Angel By Your Side - Francesca Battistelli

I'll miss this.
BUT if anyone is interested in an epilogue or maybe even a shorter sequal TELL ME.
Now review.