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Negligible

Kudo Shinichi never understood everything that Mouri Ran did for him until he became Edogawa Conan.

Everything, before Conan, was negligible.

When she came into his house at six in the morning every day to wake him and prepare breakfast, it was annoying. Why did she have to take care of him? He was sixteen years old; he could take care of himself.

When she talked about all the superstitious stuff and tried to help him with it, he found it childish. A teruterubozu wouldn't ward off bad weather. It just wasn't scientifically possible.

(He was proven wrong, but still…)

When she cried because he was hurt in a case, he would sigh and call it on her. She didn't have to be that sensitive. He was alive, wasn't he? He was still here. She didn't have to make a huge fuss.

When they would hang out, and she would see something that scared her, she would latch into his arm, and he found that embarrassing. Why did she have to latch like that? It was just a passing owl, he would think, his face burning.

Now…

But now, looking at her through Conan's eyes, he wished he could go back to those days—he wished he could appreciate those gestures that seemed negligible before, but now actually meant something.

He missed her barging into his room, yanking the covers off his head and opening the window so that the sun would shine in. He missed walking down the stairs to find her standing in the kitchen, humming a cheerful song, while she cooked them breakfast.

He wished that he could tell her that all the superstitious stuff were true, and that he appreciated her help, and that he wanted—needed it.

(He was proven wrong after all, wasn't he?)

He wanted to go back to the times when she would cry because he was hurt, and he wanted to comfort her. He would comfort her and not mock her for her sensitivity. She only worried about him, she only wanted his safety, and she only cared for him. Because now, now as Conan, he couldn't stand her tears. Not when he was the one allowing them to cascade again. Not when he couldn't comfort her as Kudo Shinichi and she had to have Conan's childish, awkward comfort.

He wanted to go back to the time she would latch into his arm, scared, so he could protect her. Because now, now as Conan, he realized that she did that because she trusted him to protect her. She wanted him to be her security. But he couldn't do that. He would pull away, and ignore the hurt and the disappointment.

And now, now, he had to watch as her heart broke again and again. He couldn't protect her, after all, not from him, not from her feelings, not from her heart.

Conan knew that he was important to Ran-neechan, but he was negligible compared to Kudo Shinichi.

Maybe, he had to be negligible…

He had to be negligible, so he could understand all the significant things he had once called negligible in his life time.

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