Penny's kind of experiment

Still don't own a thing

Penny sat staring at the television in 4A not really registering that she was mindlessly flipping through the channels, not settling on any one program for very long. Her mind was spinning with the realization that Amy had used her in an experiment to see if she could figure out different tasks or puzzles faster than her damned MONKEYS! Who in the hell did Amy think she was. The whole thing had Penny reevaluating her relationship with Amy. It was so demeaning… Penny could almost see her dignity being washed down the drain with some of Amy's Monkey poop.

Leonard walked into the apartment and saw that Penny was watching some old Japanese Monster movie. A smile immediately came to his face, which just as quickly became a look of confusion as the channel changed to some cooking show, which in and of itself wouldn't have been so bad… maybe Penny had decided that a little rudimentary cooking lessons meant she was going to take some type of a domestic turn. The look on his face then changed to disappointment as the channel changed once again this time settling on some designer runway show. Finally, all his facial expressions turned to horror as the TV cycled yet again this time settling on a Shopping Channel. Seeing the half empty glass of wine on the coffee table next to Penny's wallet brought back mention of the Shopping network, wine and a credit card being a bad combination…

Leonard quietly came to sit next to Penny. He placed a hand delicately on her thigh and reached over to her hand and gently took the TV remote from her. Changing the channel to some old Sitcom that he knew Penny wouldn't mind, Leonard turned to her and simply asked, "Penny… Sweetheart… what's up?"

Penny immediately went into a rage. "Do you know what they did? HUH? I can't believe it!... I mean, we all knew they were a little strange… but THIS? It's just SICK! Who in the HELL do they think they are… HUH? Just because they're a little smarter than us… Okay maybe a LOT smarter than us… or just ME really… but that doesn't make it right! Where do they get off… it's so demeaning… I feel like such a fool…. And I thought she was my FRIEND! Well… let me tell ya… where I come from… friends don't do stuff like that… Well, maybe we do that stuff… but certainly not to FRIENDS!

Leonard immediately sat back, not quite ready for the barrage of emotion laden words coming from who he knew could be one of the sweetest people on the planet. "Ummmm… Just WHO are THEY now?"

Penny turned with a fiery glare. "Amy… and your Asshole roommate… that's WHO!

Leonard sighed. "Okay… and what is it that they have done? Where are they anyway? And why aren't you in your apartment?"

Penny stared deeper into the eyes of her fiancé. "I'm here because I WANT to be here… They aren't because I do NOT want them to be… and they just… I'm so PISSED!"

Leonard rubbed Penny's thigh. "Okay… it's fine that you are here… and I suspect that it is a very good thing that they are not… is it okay that I am here? It is isn't it?"

Penny's glare softened. "Oh.. of course it is Sweetie…"

Leonard let out the breath he was holding. "Phew… good… so… what is it that they did that put you in SUCH a good mood?"

Penny stood and started to pace around. They treated me like a Monkey… that's what".

Leonard was a bit confused. "A Monkey?"

Penny stopped pacing. "Yes… a Monkey… Apparently… Amy thought it would be good to have me do some of her Monkey experiments… like I was one of them!"

Leonard thought a bit. "Well… actually they were probably using you as a control group… to make sure their data was correct…. That's not really a bad thing… scientifically speaking…"

Penny started to glare again. "What if I didn't do as good as her stupid Monkeys… what then GENIUS…?"

Leonard didn't want to escalate this any further. "Okay… what sort of things did Amy have you do?"

Penny plopped herself down in Sheldon's spot. "I don't know… sort Change by size… open a puzzle box with a banana in it…"

Leonard sat straight up… "That sonofabitch! Sheldon had me doing those same things!"

Penny smiled. "Not so good now that it's you now is it… scientifically speaking…" Leonard just looked in her direction. Penny rubbed her forehead. "It isn't bad enough that I already KNOW that all you guys are smarter than me… NOW I have to prove to Amy that I'm smarter than some dumb Monkey… I thought she was my friend… It's just so humiliating… You know... this is just the kind of thing that I always worried about… the difference between you guys and me… I always worried that you would get tired of me or fed up that you had to keep explaining things to me… or I would have to go look things up just to even TRY to keep up with what you were always talking about… don't think I can't tell when you guys dumb it down for me… especially Amy and Bernadette… they think it's SO funny when I try to up my game just to make it LOOK like I know what's going on… and that says nothing of how Sheldon seems to take a particular delight in putting me down whenever he wants to… I just never thought it would be AMY! That girl sucked on to me right from the beginning… I was even a little worried there for a while just trying to figure out which way her door was swinging… let's face it… Sheldon was never one to bring out the woman in her… "

Leonard sat closer to Penny. "Penny, you are smart… we have gone over this so many times. Just because we have degrees doesn't mean anything more than we led pathetic lonely lives and got picked on… I'm sure that if you applied yourself instead of going to all those parties… participated in all those after school activities like cheer leading… hanging out with all the popular kids… going out with all the popular guys… and then all the… well you know…"

Penny put a finger to Leonard's lips. "Sweetie… stop. I know all the things I did back in High School… you don't have to remind me… Anyway those things were things that all the kids did. It's called socialization... and that's not so different from Monkeys either…"

Leonard shrugged. "Well it was a bit different in my particular troupe"

Penny cocked her head. "Your troupe?"

Leonard shrugged his shoulders. "Group of Monkeys".

Penny sighed. "SEE?... I didn't even know THAT!"

Leonard reached over. "Penny… that doesn't mean…"

Penny started get tears in her eyes. "Honestly… Leonard, I don't know why you keep me around… except for the sex… You could do so much better… it must be so hard for you… you have to go to work and think really hard about all those papers you read and then you have to figure out ways to set up your experiments just to try to see if some ginormous ass like Sheldon… who thinks he's some kind of friggin gift to humanity has any idea at all about what he thinks he's talking about… Then you have to come home to me and think just as hard about how to make your day even a little interesting so I might be able to pick up a crumb or two of what it is that you are even talking about."

Leonard tried to figure how to make Penny feel better. "Penny… Sweetheart… it's not like that at all… it not the sex… well maybe a little it's the sex… but it's not JUST the sex… and you're not the only one they did this too… they made me do those things too… and that box with the banana was HARD!"

Penny looked up. "Hard? Really?"

Leonard heard the inflection in Penny's voice, but didn't want to interrupt his train of thought. Did she really think that buzzle box was easy? "Anyway… There's lots about you that I love… SCREW them! They think they're so much smarter that EVERYBODY! Look at how Sheldon treats Howard… Howard is one of the smartest guys I know… he's quick to pick up on problems and suggest a way to solve a problem… just because he doesn't have a PhD doesn't mean he's any less smart that the rest of us… just like you… you can hold your own with anybody… I've seen you with the people you work with and with your new job… it took almost no time at all for you to be one of the best sales representatives they have…"

Penny sighed… "That's just more of the sex thing… If you're pretty… they buy stuff…"

Leonard put his finger under Penny's chin and made her look up. "Penny… it's NOT just about the sex thing…"

Penny smiled. "So what if it is? I bet that those damn Monkeys probably do it better anyway".

Leonard laughed a little. " Actually that's not really a probability. They pretty much just go at it one way… The females parade around with their engorged genetalia… waving it around in front of the males… who pretty much just sit around masturbating when they have nothing better to do… When they get their chance, they just grab hold from behind and it's Wham Bam Thank You Ma'am. They don't even care which female they do it with…".

Penny giggled. "Yeah… I think I know some of those Apes… So what you're saying is that Even if it IS just about the sex… I have it all over those Monkeys?"

Leonard held Penny's hands and looked into her eyes. "The monkeys… apes… Pretty much anything or anybody… sex with you is pretty great".

Penny smiled and turned to straddle Leonard's lap, running her hands through his hair as he held her hips and looked down into the deep brown eyes she loved so much. "Really? Anything… or Anybody? … that includes Sheldon and Amy?" Penny unbuttoned the top two buttons of her shirt and swiveled her hips just a bit.

Leonard gulped. "That goes without saying…"

Penny smiled and leaned in for a kiss while pulling Leonard's t-shirt up so she could feel the warmth of his chest on her hands. "You know… there was this article in last month's Cosmo… about the top ten positions… "

Leonard finished unbuttoning Penny's shirt and carefully pushed it past her smooth shoulders while gently kissing Penny. "Oh… really?"

Penny stood and turned to the coffee table, bending over as she unbuttoned her jeans and wiggled her hips as her jeans slid off down to her knees. "Yeah… it's right here…" She smiled back over her shoulder as she could see Leonard's eyes wide and looking straight at her ass. "Is this the Genetalia waving you were talking about?" Penny put both thumbs into the waistband of her panties and slowly pulled them down exaggerating the movement of her hips as she stepped out of her jeans.

Leonard audibly gulped as Penny turned to face him reaching behind and unclasping her bra, tossing it away as she reached for the magazine. Penny could see the effect she was having on Leonard by the apparent tightening of his jeans in the crotch area. She sat down in is lap and smiled as she pulled his t-shirt over his head and unbuttoned his jeans and unzipped his fly. Leonard lifted his hips as he pushed his jeans and boxers to the floor pooling around his ankles, eliciting a gleeful squeak from Penny as she settled back on his lap.

Penny sat straight up rubbing her center along Leonard's erection. She flipped through the magazine to the article in question and started to comment.

10. Rider – reverse cowgirl – "As much as that sounds really good… It's too much like those Monkeys might do."

9. Lotus Blossom – "definitely gonna do that one."

8. The star – "this is like two girls goin at it…"

Leonard gasped as Penny continued to move her hips along him. "You did that?

Penny looked up, surprised that she said that comment out loud. "What… No… Nooo". Her voice trailing off.

7. The amazon – sitting on a chair facing each other – "Well… we are here on the couch,,,"

6. The eagle – "I don't think so"

5. The indian handstand – "Maybe… but don't take too long… this is gonna give me a headache."

4. The right angle – "Can't do that one on the couch".

Leonard started to pant as he held Penny's hips attempting to reposition her. "Should we move this to the bedroom?"

Penny smiled as she fought to keep him at bay. "Nope… serves Sheldon right for treating us like Monkeys".

3. The peg – "Hmmm"

2. The whisper – "Oh… this looks like a place to start…"

1. The column – "We need a wall to do the last one anyway".

Penny pushed Leonard down and onto his side and turned away from him as she laid down. A thought crossed her mind. "Hmmm. Maybe those Monkeys are smarter than we think…" She then took Leonard's hands and placed them on her breasts as he accomplished their union. "Oh…Yeah… Just like that…" Penny turned her head so she could kiss her fiancé.

Leonard smiled. "I wonder where Sheldon and Amy would be in the sex scale?"

Penny giggled as Leonard continued his ministrations. "Just so you know… there's a section of the article about other positions and there's one called 'the spider'… it actually looks like fun… so don't freak out on me. I don't wanna fall off."

Penny turned and straddled her lover. "Enough of this Monkey crap… it's time for a good ole fashioned RODEO!... Yee HAW!..."