She's Gone
The days following Noel's death were hectic ones. Her body was flown back to Paris where she was buried next to her mother. Sam and Carly joined Fred on the flight to Paris. The funeral was a lavish affair as befits the daughter of a famous and powerful diplomat's daughter. Stan White, wearing his two new prosthetic legs, joined several executives from Pear in attending the service. Most of the major news outlets carried the story because it had all the hooks of a great news story, wealth, power, fame, politics, young love, and tragic young death.
For his part Fred held up well. He was hounded at every turn by reporters asking insane questions about private things and the like. He held himself above the fray, not giving into the temptation to take a swing at the stupid things they asked. He only came close once when one reporter dared to make the comment that Sam and Carly were his "mistresses" and "ladies in waiting", but he just turned and kept walking. He only came close to breaking down once, when it was his turn to throw a rose and dirt on the coffin before dirt was shoveled over it. He had done both, but stood at the edge of the grave until they had to ask him to move so they could begin to shovel the dirt in.
The next few months Fred was like a man on fire. He threw himself in his school work and his new job at Pear with a ferocity that stunned everyone. He caught up and surpassed his class work and quickly established himself as hardworking, hands on kind of executive at Pear. He came up with and was involved in the Pear phone design of a water proof phone, as well as several apps for emergencies of all kinds. He explained that his time on the mountain had shown him the need for these things and he was going to make them happen.
Everyone was amazed at how well he seemed to be moving on with his life, everyone but Carly and Sam. They saw the man who never went into his small house, who wouldn't even step foot into his old room in the apartment, who slept on the couch, when he slept at all, and who found something, no matter how small, to fill almost every hour of the day and night. He literally never stopped going. Sam kept quiet about the situation for the first month or so, but as the second month of the nonstop Freddie train of activities rolled on, she finally broke her silence.
"Ok Freddie, we've put up with your hundred mile per hour, I can't stop or take a break bullshit long enough," Sam blocked the door as he was trying to leave to head to the library on a Friday night, "No one can live at the pace you're setting for yourself. You don't stop for anything, hell you barely eat anymore. You look like a scarecrow, and I haven't seen you so much as come close to anything resembling a smile in months. You are going to put those books down and follow me and Carly to "The Black Hole" for some drinks and a little music, period!"
"I don't want to get a drink or listen to music Sam," Freddie stated as he tried to push past her.
"I didn't ask you if you wanted to did I?" she snapped at him and continued to block his path, "I told you that you were coming with us and I damn well meant it. You can walk or be dragged by your heels, but come with us you will!"
Freddie grunted his disapproval, but set his books down on the coffee table and turned back to face Sam, "Fine, I'll go! But I'm doing so under protest, I want it noted."
"I don't give a shit if you do it in the fucking nude with hazard flares, as long as you come with us," Sam smiled at him and thought to herself, 'I wish you would strip down for me, you fine looking piece of prime mancandy!'
The pub was full, as was always the case on a Friday night. The three of them found a table near the stage and sat down. Mike and the Zombies were playing there and were getting set up. Mike Kaiser came over and leaned down to tell Freddie how sorry he was about Noel and offered to do anything he could do to help. Freddie thanked him and the two friends hugged before Mike rejoined his band.
Freddie wasn't really in the mood for this kind of thing, it reminded him to much of not having Noel to lean on, and he didn't need that kind of hurt. He noticed that people were hooking up all over the place, and it reminded him that he had no one in his life.
Carly and Sam went to the bar to get a "bucket o' beers" and a menu, leaving Freddie alone at the table. A redheaded girl made her way across bar and walked up to Freddie. Sam saw her and started to fly over to the table, but Carly grabbed her arm and stopped her.
Before Sam could say a word Carly shook her head at Sam and just smiled, "Sam before you go off half cocked and start beating the entire female population of the school, think about it. We both know it's too soon for him to do anything, and when he does get ready, the first one stands no chance of being anything other than a one night stand. The only way around that is to take your time and let him know just how much you care and how close to each other you are. Let the skanks throw themselves at him and he'll see just what he has in you compared to those losers, thrust me."
Sam glared at her and said, "You better be right Shay! I've waited a long time for my second chance, and if listening to you fucks it up, I'll put hot sauce in your Monistat and burn that coochie of yours up!"
"Relax Sam," Carly smiled, "and watch 'ole Carly's words bear fruit. View yon maiden as she attempts to sway our gallant hero and see how she is rebuffed by him."
The girls eased their way into earshot range of the table so they could hear the conversation between the two of them.
The girl smiled at Freddie and spoke, "Hello, I'm Rita, and I noticed you're sitting here alone and was wondering if you'd like some company?"
"Thanks," he smiled as best he could, "But I'm with two friends and I'm not looking for anymore company tonight."
"I saw the two chicks that came in with you doll," Rita smiled at him as she bent over, flashing him her large freckled tits, "and honey, if you can keep those two happy, hell I'm not a prude, four is a real interesting number if you ask me."
"Really?" Fred raised his eyebrow at her, "I think that would be great, which one can do you want to fuck the German Sheppard or the goat. I really like watching the goat go to town, the girls won't do him anymore though because he eats their hair while he fucks. How do you feel about "golden showers?"
"Are fucking kidding me?" the girl said far too loud and caused everyone to turn and look at them, "Goats and "golden showers", what kind of kinky shit are you talking about? Eww, you're just a fucking pervert you sick bastard. I ain't about to fuck no goat or let you piss on me!"
Everyone laughed as she spoke, which just made her madder, and Fred just raised his eyebrow and fought as hard as he could not to laugh himself.
Sam couldn't stand another minute of missing out on some of the fun to be had with this girl, so she returned to the table with the beer, "I don't blame you honey," she smiled, her face turning red from the urge to laugh, "That fucking goat 'll eat your hair and sometimes he shits while he fucks."
"You people are fucking wacked in the head," Rita shook her head, "fuck you both and the horse you road in on!"
"Oh sweet, you'd fuck a horse, that would be better than the goat any day," Fred smiled with a twinkle in his eye.
"Eww, pervert," she screamed and stalked off, as everyone in the bar laughed at her.
Fred stood and took a bow to the crowd and sat back down. Carly walked to the table, clapping as she did, and sat down.
"Well, that was quite a show," Carly laughed and grabbed a beer.
"Well I guess I was a little overboard with her," Fred smiled, "but I'm not looking to hook up with anyone, especially someone like her. I don't want some meaningless sex with someone who sleeps around. I want what I had with Noel, I want the magic now, I can't go back to the whole "who can I sleep with tonight" stuff."
"You were kind of rude," Carly laughed.
"Well she kind of had that coming, seeing me walk in with to beautiful women and coming up and hitting on me? Now that was rude and just a touch slutty if you ask me," Fred said with a chuckle as he reached for a beer.
"I thought you weren't in the mood to have fun and didn't want to drink," Sam looked at him with a stern look on her face.
"I didn't, but then I said fuck it why not," he smiled as he turned the bottle up and took a swig of beer.
Sam was dazzled. It was the first time in almost two months that she had seen him smile, and it took her breath away. There was even a touch of the old twinkle back in his eyes. The rebuff of the skank had flipped some kind of switch in him and brought the old Freddie back, and she wanted to help him stay that way.
The band started to play and everyone began to dance. Sam stood and held out her hand to Freddie, who shook his head no, and then grabbed his hand and pulled him up and out on to the dance floor.
"It's not going to hurt you to dance one time, besides I want to dance and most of these guys look like losers," she smiled at him and put her "sad puppy" look on her face.
"Sam, I can only really slow dance," he said looking embarrassed, "I can't fast dance for shit!"
"Hell Freddie, most of the people out here can't dance, but they do it anyway," Sam started to dance around him, "So just loosen up your tight ass and just move to the music, got it?"
"I hate this," he grimaced as he began to move with the music.
Sam was impressed with the moves he was making on the floor, "There you see, you're not that bad a dancer. You really look quite good dancing," she told him as they danced in their own little space on the floor.
Freddie broke into his patented smirk and then moved closer to Sam, "Look don't get a swelled head or anything, but thank you. You were right, I've been hiding out from life, exactly what I promised her I wouldn't do. I'm really having a great time."
"I told you so," she laughed and moved a little closer toward him, "You must trust the wisdom of momma young grasshopper!"
They laughed at her joke and suddenly were close enough to each other that Sam could feel the heat from his body. They danced that way for two songs smiling and looking into each other's eyes, and Sam was happier than she had been in years. Freddie seemed like his old self and free of the gloom that had dogged him since Noel's death.
The song ended and a woman walked up to the microphone as the band began to play a slow tune. Freddie looked at Sam and offered his hand to her, and when she took it, pulled her close to him and began to sway with the music:
I'll always love you for the rest of my days
You have won my heart and my soul
With your sweet, sexy ways
You gave me hope when I needed someone near
You bring me happiness
every day of every year
The lyrics were not lost on Sam as they danced. She looked up into his eyes and wanted to tell him that this song was how she felt about him, but no words came, only a contented smile and a sigh. She felt his big strong hands around her and knew what heaven must be like.
I'll always love you for all that you are
You have made my life complete
You're my lucky star
You are the one that I've been searching for
You are my everything
Tell me who could ask for more
And I'll always love you
Honey, this will never end
They danced in slow small circles, never moving very far from their starting point. Carly was struck by just how natural they looked together and how well they moved.
Sam was lost in the moment, thinking to herself that she wanted to dance at their wedding to this very song. Freddie was lost in his own thoughts, at how peaceful this felt and how much he was enjoying himself.
As he spun Sam around in a lazy circle he felt a tap at his shoulder, "May I cut in?" a handsome blonde man asked.
Freddie looked at the man and then looked at Sam, who seemed annoyed, as she shook her head no and answered, "Not right now, maybe later."
I need you by my side, Baby
You're my lover, my friend
My friend
You gave my world a thrill I've never known.
And filled my eager heart with
a love to call my own.
Sam laid her head back on Freddie's chest and lost herself again in his touch. No man had ever really made her feel safe and loved, ever, but in this place at this moment, she felt both and a feeling that maybe the fairy tales were true. She grinned to herself for the "girly" way she was feeling, but instead of hating it or denying it, she gave it free rein.
Freddie felt a tap at his shoulder again and turned to see the same blonde man again, "May I cut in now?" he asked.
Sam lost it and yelled at him, "Listen, you nutsuck, I'm trying to have a moment here and you are being a major buzz kill, now FUCK OFF!
The man retreated back to the outer edges of the floor and Sam laid her head back down on Freddie's chest and they kept dancing.
And I'll always love you
You must know how much I do.
You can count on me forever and
I will take good care of you.
I'll always love you
I'm so happy that you're mine
I'll always love you, yes
Till the end of time
The song ended, but Sam and Freddie kept dancing for a few seconds before they noticed and then stopped themselves. They walked back to the table, Freddie with a smile on his face and Sam with a shit eating grin on hers, and sat down.
Carly smiled at them, "Well you two seem to be having fun."
"A lot better time than that poor dude who wanted to cut in," Freddie laughed and took a swig of beer.
"Well he deserved it," Sam grinned, "may I cut in? Twice in less than a minute he asks. He really was a nutsuck."
"That would be a great name for a porn star, Harry Nutsuck, it has a ring to it don't you think?" Freddie said with a straight face.
Carly choked on her beer laughing, and had it come out of her nose, which sent Freddie and Sam into uncontrollable laughter.
"Damn it, warn somebody before you say shit like that next time," Carly said as she started to clean the mess up she had made.
The three of them easily slipped back into the ebb and flow that they had with each other since grade school, laughing and having a good time. Freddie felt the pall that had settled over him lift just a bit; he thought he could feel Noel near him, smiling at him having a good time.
Mike came down from the stage and approached Freddie, "Hey man, would you be interested in singing a song with us or maybe playing with us a little?"
"You so have to sing a song Freddie," Sam and Carly both started pounding the table.
"I don't think…," Freddie started to say.
Sam stood up in her chair and yelled at the crowd, "We need your help in getting Freddie here up to the stage to sing us a song. What do say, Freddie, Freddie, Freddie, Freddie?"
The crowd joined in and Freddie shook his head and walked to the stage. The whole bar cheered as he spoke to the band and they began to play a slow haunting melody as Freddie took the microphone:
Everybody's high on consolation
Everybody's trying to tell me
What is right for me, yeah
I need a drink and a quick decision
Now it's up to me, ooooh what will be
She's gone, she's gone
Oh, why
Oh, why
I better learn how to face it
She's gone, she's gone
Oh, why
Oh, why
I'd pay the devil to replace her
She's gone, she's gone
Oh, why
What went wrong
The crowd was hushed and silent as he sang. People swayed to the rhythm, couples hugged or danced. Sam and Carly noticed that Freddie was really pouring his heart out with this song, and they both felt tears well up.
Freddie felt the darkness that was creeping around just under the surface, pouring out of him as he sang. The heaviness seemed to flow out with the words.
Get up in the morning, look in the mirror
One less tooth brush hanging in the stand
My face ain't looking any younger
Now what I can see
Love's taken a toll on me
She's gone, she's gone
Oh, why
Oh, why
I better learn how to face it
She's gone, she's gone
Oh, why
Oh, why
I'd pay the devil to replace her
She's gone, she's gone
Oh, why
What went wrong
Something was happening to Freddie on the stage. The song took on much more meaning than it had started out to be. He felt the pain that he had felt and lived with for the past few months boil to the surface again, but in a good way. It was very tiny, but he felt a small piece of his heart beginning to heal.
Think I'll spend eternity in the city
Let the carbon and monoxide choke my thoughts away
And pretty bodies help dissolve the memories
They can never be what she once was to me
She's gone, she's gone
Oh, why
Oh, why
I better learn how to face it
She's gone, she's gone
Oh, why
Oh, why
I'd pay the devil to replace her
She's gone, she's gone
Oh, why
What went wrong
The crowd was quiet for a few seconds after the song ended, almost like they were afraid to spoil the tender moment, and then erupted in thunderous applause and whistles. Freddie took a bow and rejoined the girls at their table.
The rest of the evening they spent drinking and talking. Around one in the morning they left and walked back to the apartment. Once inside Carly went on to her room to go to bed and left Sam and Freddie sitting on the couch to talk.
"I really did have a good time tonight Sam," Freddie smiled at her, "I almost forgot for a little bit. I don't know what to do with myself Sam, it's like losing an arm or a leg, this piece of me, this really important piece on me, is missing now and I don't know what to do or how to act. It's not like a break-up, we didn't fight and go our separate ways or something, that I could handle, but this I just don't know"
"I wish I could tell you what to do dork," she grinned up at him as she took his hands in hers. He grinned back at her.
"I've missed your little nicknames for me."
"Freddie, I know it's got to be tough, but at least you guys had all those months together, some of us have never had that. I looked at you two and relished that what I felt for Dean wasn't love, I mean not real love, not what you and Noel had. You guys had what everyone is looking for; I think you should hold on to that, but not so much that it keeps you from looking for it again. Not to say that it will be the exact same, but it could be really good in its own right."
They both had leaned back on the couch and were looking at each other as they spoke. Sam couldn't help but stare at the dark brown eyes and play the mental picture in her head of the two of them kissing and rolling around on the bed.
"You really think that I could find someone out there who would want to take me on with all the baggage I have to bring into a relationship?" he quizzed her.
"Trust me Freddie," she smiled at him, "There is someone out there who would be more than willing to spend a lifetime with you. She might be right under your nose."
"Damn, you mean Rita might have been the one and I chased her away with a "golden shower" line, shit I just can't win?" Freddie laughed.
"No, but you may have chased away a quick "pipe cleaning"!" Sam raised both eyebrows at him.
"I can clean my own pipes with a "Playboy" and some Vaseline, and not have to worry about a trip to the free clinic," he raised his own eyebrows and laughed at her.
"Eww, T.M.I. dude," Sam made a face at him, "Look in all seriousness, I'm jealous of you, at least you know what it's like to have had that kind of love in your life, most people dream of what you had, hell even I dream of feeling that way about somebody and having them feel the same way back. Dean is as close as I've ever come and it was painfully short of real love, in hindsight," Sam laid her head on Freddie's shoulder as she spoke, "I want to "feel the magic" like you said, at least once."
"Sam I know that the "magic" is out there waiting for you," Freddie put his forehead on hers and looked into her eyes, "You're going to find a guy who really understands just how fantastic and beautiful you are and who will get just how lucky he is that you are in his life. This guy is going to be the luckiest dude on the face of the planet, and he better treat you right, because if he doesn't, I'll kick his ass," Freddie smiled at her.
For a few seconds they looked deep into each other's eyes, and began to lean in, moving closer to each other's lips, when Freddie suddenly sat bolt upright on the couch, "Um, ok, I guess I better get some sleep, or brush my teeth, or something. Well goodnight," he extended his hand as if to shake Sam's hand, and then pulled it back with a small chuckle, and gave her an awkward hug and made a beeline for the bathroom.
Sam sat there as if afraid to move, looking from the spot beside her to the bathroom door and back shaking her head, "What the fuck just happened?" she said out loud to no one, "Oh shit, I'm in so much trouble. This is going to take more work than I thought."
Freddie banged his head on the tile of the bathroom, "Shit Noel, I was right there, we could be going to her room right now, but NO, I'm standing in the bathroom talking to myself. This is going to be harder than I thought!"
.
Yes, I know this one took too long to write and I'm sorry. In my defense, I'm feeling better, my hair is growing back, and one of my closest friends, Tamathy, has come to see me and tell me that she as feelings for me. So, screw timely updates, I GOT A WOMAN! LOL I'm working on all my stories, but I'm also exploring some new possibilities in my life, so I may be slow, but at least you know why!
I wanted to lighten up with this chapter after all the drama, but I don't want to rush Sam and Freddie together just yet. I feel that Noel deserves some respect and a proper amount of grieving.
As always, let me know what you think!
Did I mention that Tamathy is the most gorgeous woman on the planet? Well she is, no offence to all the other ladies out there.