This chapter is basically character study and emotion porn within the context of light bondage. In my opinion it's one of the best things I've ever written, and I'm immensely proud of it.

The bondage is thoroughly researched and therefore quite possibly not remotely what you're expecting - shout to my beta, crystalsoulslayer on Tumblr, who taught me everything I needed to know and answered all of my many questions.

Quill wakes up with a warm, naked Kalei snuggled against her bare chest. It's the sort of thing that should be annoying, but isn't. Quite the opposite.

Cuddling is odd. But a nice kind of odd.

She takes deep, slow breaths and just lets herself bask in the moment. No prince. No orders. No one needing saving. Just this. Just Kalei. It's hard to know when Kalei's bedroom became a sanctuary to Quill, but the more she thinks about it, the more it's undeniably true.

It isn't long before Kalei's body stretches against her and the maths teacher yawns.

"Morning," she murmurs. "How did you sleep?"

"I slept," Quill says flatly. "That in itself is an achievement, given everything that's going on. Now that I think about it, I didn't get nightmares the other time I slept here either."

"Nightmares?"

"Well, augmented war flashbacks, mostly."

"Oh."

"Nothing like vivid memories of your comrades and lover dying in front of your eyes to help lull you to sleep at night."

Kalei looks up at her, eyes open and melancholy on Quill's behalf, and the physics teacher regrets bringing it up at all. Thankfully, Kalei says nothing and just presses a kiss to the top of Quill's right breast, where her head has ended up.

"So...breakfast?"

Quill is all too happy for an excuse to push away all the confusing and potentially alarming implications of Kalei's presence keeping her nightmares at bay.

"Sure."

Kalei smiles and gets up, moving to her wardrobe to grab a dressing gown, only to hesitate. "So do you need to get back to your place, or-"

"I'm still a long way off being able to stomach the thought of seeing his face again, so if it's not a problem, I'd rather stay here," Quill says.

"I didn't have any plans for the weekend, so you can stay as long as you like. Do you want to borrow something to wear?"

"We could always...skip breakfast for now, and you could come back to bed." Her Quill sex drive hasn't been an issue thus far, but right now it's telling her to prioritise sex over food and the rational part of her knows that it's a bad move. She's not currently listening to that part, however.

"We need to eat sometime," Kalei laughs. "Besides, I want to talk to you about something."

Quill lifts an eyebrow. "Right, and that doesn't sound ominous at all."

"Hopefully not." Kalei bites her lip. "It's just...if I have you here for the whole day, and you were serious when you mentioned me being able to, you know, tie you up...then I was thinking that maybe we could...do that."

"Sounds good to me," Quill says, shrugging. "What does this have to do with us talking?"

Kalei gives her an odd look. "Well, we'd need to talk about how it's going to work."

"What, you can't just grab some rope or some handcuffs and be done with it? What is there to talk about?" Quill rolls her eyes. "You know, you humans always try and overcomplicate very simple things-"

"No," Kalei says, and her voice is so firm and her face so serious that Quill blinks at her. "It's not simple. And the fact that you're saying it is just tells me that you're completely new to it, which is exactly why we need to talk about it. So come on, clothes."

Quill frowns at her but gets out of bed and moves towards her. Kalei regards her for a moment with an unfathomable expression before holding out the dressing gown. Quill reaches for it and feels her mouth fall open a little.

"Good god that's soft," Quill murmurs, having to resist the urge to bury her face in it and nuzzle it like she does Xenophilius and his fur. Kalei smiles and finds a shirt and pair of pajama bottoms to pull on, while Quill puts on the dressing gown and lets out a tiny sigh of contentment at the feeling of the fluff against her skin.

"Breakfast, then," Kalei tells her, and they go into the kitchen. Quill scoops up Xenophilius when he comes to greet them. "Can you feed him? Cat food is just in that cupboard there."

Quill finds the cat food and pours it into the little plastic bowl. Letting the cat eat means putting him back down, but she can hear him purring, and that makes it all worth it.

"So, for someone who clearly has no real idea of what bondage entails, you were pretty quick to suggest it," Kalei says as she gets out a carton of eggs and a frying pan.

"Well, yeah, I'd just heard about it in passing, you know," Quill replies, uncomfortably, hands in the dressing gown pockets, "and while we didn't use restraints, sexual dominance was a big thing for my species."

Kalei frowns. "I mean, bondage isn't just about sex, or even dominance, necessarily-"

"But that's the general idea," Quill interrupts.

"Well, a lot of the time, yes," Kalei says, "but there's a lot more psychology to it than people think, it takes a lot of-" She trails off to look at Quill with faint horror. "Wait, I completely forgot. You're a slave. You were a prisoner of war."

"Funnily enough, it hasn't slipped my mind," Quill says dryly.

"Well, I - I really don't think tying you up is a good idea, you being a slave and ex-prisoner and also totally new to it all otherwise," Kalei says, frowning a little. "I mean, how could it possibly hold appeal, all of that considered?"

"I hadn't given it much thought." Quill shrugs. "I mean, it was mainly because I thought you wanted it. To be able to be properly dominant of me outside of the play fighting. Everyone wants to be the dominant, so I used it as a bargaining chip. It was never really something I wanted for myself."

Except...the more she thinks about it, the more she considers the possibilities. Handcuffs are inanimate. She could fight handcuffs. It wouldn't be the same as fighting a person, but it would be better than nothing. At this point she would take anything, anything at all.

"Now that I'm thinking about it," she says. "Thanks to the arn, I could never fight you properly, but I could if I were restrained."

Kalei still doesn't look quite convinced. "And you want that? That holds appeal?"

"Fighting is in my blood," Quill reminds her. "When they put this thing in my head, they took it away from me. The only time I can fight is to protect my enslaver. But this….this could be something. A loophole."

"Hm, I suppose that makes - wait, what in the world would make you think that everybody wants to be the dominant?" Kalei asks, frowning. "You literally just listed a perfect reason as to why some people like being submissive."

Quill looks at her oddly. "Yes, but that's because of the arn in my head and the cultural background, It's different. It's not about the control, it's about the fighting. Are you telling me that you people like being the one who lacks control? How could that possibly make sense?"

"You said that sexual dominance was a thing for your people."

"Yes, because for us sex was a battle just like anything else," Quill says, smirking. "Someone always has to land on top. Sex had a winner, the strongest fighter. Naturally, I never lost."

Kalei regards her with concern before cracking eggs into a bowl. "And you honestly think that suddenly being on the other end of that equation won't be jarring for you?"

"It's just sex, Kalei. Stop trying to turn it into a psychological study-"

"It's not just sex," Kalei says sharply. "Not the things we're considering or whatever this is between us. I'll thank you to not trivialise either of them again."

Quill purses her lips. Being reprimanded by someone who isn't a Rhodian royal is a new feeling, and not one she likes. But, at least in the case of the latter, Kalei is right. And as for the former -

"So you have a lot of experience with this kind of thing, then?" Quill says, leaning against the counter. "Tying people up in the bedroom."

Kalei's cheeks flush a little. "No, actually. I've been on the other end of it once, with Sam, but that was right before everything got complicated. I broke things off with him before I could get any experience. But I've been interested in it for a while, and so I've done a lot of research."

"Research," Quill says, amused. "Of course you did."

"It's important," Kalei says defensively, "and when we do this - if we do this - then you'll understand why."

"It wasn't a criticism," Quill tells her, moving to stand behind her and putting one hand on her hip while using the other to sweep aside Kalei's hair so she can press a kiss right behind her ear. "I like a woman who takes things seriously. Also, the thought of you actively spending your time looking into this but not having anyone to do it with seems like a beautifully tragic situation I'll have to rectify."

Kalei leans into her touch easily and lets out a long breath. "I just think it might be better if you're the one cuffing me. I mean, you're a slave, and before that you must have literally been cuffed by those royals. Even if it's a completely different situation-"

"Flimsy bits of metal mean nothing compared to the thing in my head."

"They're not flimsy. And it's always a much more intense experience than people think."

"Kalei, now that I've realised there's something I can fight against, I'm not going to let this go until we do it," Quill tells her. "I need it. I'm going out of my mind having to be this docile."

"Okay," Kalei says slowly, "but we're going to talk about it while we eat. You're going to let me explain how it's safest to go about doing this."

"I'm still not entirely sure why you're so worried. But I'll let you talk."

Quill plays with the cat while Kalei goes back to making omelettes, and after what feels like an age they finally sit at the little dining table with cups of coffee, their breakfast in front of them.

"The best system I've found is one based on traffic lights," Kalei begins, but Quill can't stop herself from snorting.

"I'm sorry, how do traffic lights come into this?"

"It's a simple form of communication," Kalei says, "for how comfortable the submissive person is. Green is 'keep going'. Red is 'stop'. Yellow is a little more subjective to personal preference, but tends to mean 'stop what you're doing but not altogether' or 'slow down, I need time to adjust'."

"Oh," Quill says through a mouthful of omelette, more interested now. "That makes sense."

"I like the idea of using Orange for the former, and Yellow for the latter. Then we have both covered, since they're really not the same thing."

"You really have done your research."

"Why do you sound vaguely turned on by that?" Kalei laughs, and Quill can only shrug.

"I led an army," she says simply. "I appreciate when people have taken the time to actually know what they're talking about." She keeps eating the omelette. It's good, and it occurs to her that she hasn't eaten in almost a whole day because of how quickly yesterday derailed.

This time yesterday, she and Kalei weren't speaking. In a fashion so utterly typical of their entire relationship, everything has changed in little more than half a day. Quill had always thought that her lover on Rhodia had been a quick courtship, but things with Kalei are an absolute whirlwind.

It's fast and intense and real and that's how Quill likes it. There's no...waiting, with Kalei. Things just happen, and that's good. The future is uncertain - but the present is here and it's Kalei. That's all that matters.

"So you've got those different colours in your head? What they mean, when to use them?"

Quill thinks it over. "Green for keep going, yellow for slow down, orange for stop but not completely, red for stop. As in, red would mean I want you to uncuff me?"

"Yes."

"Alright. Straightforward enough. I'm assuming you actually have handcuffs?"

Kalei grins. "Sally bought me some for Christmas last year, for in case I actually found someone I wanted to use them with. Proper ones designed for exactly this purpose. She likes to complain about how she had to scroll through so many overly sexual websites to get them for me, that I can no longer have any doubts about how good of a friend she is."

"Sally is the diminutive biology teacher who tried to have a go at me on Tuesday?"

Kalei sobers a little and offers a sheepish smile. "Yes, that's her."

"You have a loyal friend there, brave enough to try and go against me. I'd hang on to her." Quill finishes her coffee and gets up from the table. "So, are we doing this?"

Kalei nods, and they take their dishes to the sink before heading back to the bedroom. Quill sits on the edge of the bed, slipping the dressing gown off while Kalei moves to her set of drawers and finally pulls out a pair of handcuffs.

"With your background in mind, I want to start slow," Kalei says, "So I'm just going to put them on and let you get used to how they feel, before I cuff you to anything."

The cuffs are thick and made of sturdy leather, with what looks to be fur lining.

"Yeah, whatever," Quill says, impatiently. "Put them on, then."

"I just want you to remember that we can stop at any time," Kalei insists. "You need to be completely comfortable with this. You need to tell me right away if you're not."

Quill rolls her eyes. "Just get on with it."

The cuffs go on. Kalei slips two fingers between the cuffs and Quill's skin before withdrawing them, apparently satisfied they aren't too tight. Then she watches intently as Quill tests the feel of them. They're certainly not the flimsy metal Quill had imagined. They feel...real. Familiar. Familiar in a way that has never before meant anything good.

But real is good, now, she tells herself, real means you can fight against them.

It sounds reasonable, in theory, but there's a small knot of uncertainty in her stomach.

"Alright?" Kalei asks tentatively. One hand is on Quill's wrist just below the left cuff, while the other is at the back of Quill's neck, massaging the skin there. "You're safe with me, remember. This isn't your planet, you aren't anybody's prisoner. You're just with me. And I'll let you go the moment you ask. All you have to say is 'red'."

For all Quill's earlier scoffing, she realises that Kalei might have been right. She's never been submissive in her life in this kind of situation. Any time she's been restrained, any time at all, it's been because of those damn Rhodians.

Physical restraints mean being a prisoner. They mean being powerless. It's frightening.

She knows that Kalei says that she'll stop in an instant, that all she'd have to do is say a word, but suddenly Quill is less sure. How can she trust that, how can she be certain? On sheer principle, she doesn't trust anyone who isn't a Quill, and even then she was selective.

But it's Kalei. How could she not trust Kalei?

"Are you okay?" Kalei asks again.

Quill swallows hard. Her heart is pounding in her chest, which is ridiculous. She wants this, she really does, it's just going to take some time to adjust to. They just need to keep going.

She wants to say 'I'm fine,' but can't quite get the words out because they aren't true. But she nods, because she needs this, she needs something to fight against, more than anything. And she wants to make Kalei happy, wants to let her have this after everything she's done for Quill.

"Andy," Kalei says, and Quill looks up from where her gaze had fallen to the cuffs.

"What?" Quill asks, defensively. "Aren't you going to get on with it?"

Kalei meets her eyes, frowning. "You're not okay. You're shaking. Do you want me to take the cuffs off?" Quill adamantly shakes her head even though a part of her is screaming for them to be gone. Kalei puts an arm around her shoulders and presses a kiss to her temple. "You know I won't be disappointed if we don't do this. When I say it'll stop the moment you say so, I mean it. You're safe. I'm not going to hurt you. I'd never hurt you, ever."

"I know," Quill says, and she mostly believes her own words. But that most cynical part of herself, the part that has kept her alive all this time, the part that kept her alive where other Quill fell...it refuses to trust anyone. Least of all a human.

"But you're scared."

Quill snorts. "I'm not scared of a pair of cuffs or the intentions of a pretty maths teacher."

Kalei bites her lip, and gently turns Quill's face to look at her. She kisses her softly, and Quill exhales into it, feeling a fraction of the fear fade. This is Kalei. Soft, gentle Kalei. Whose hands are running down her arms and touching her hair, touching her everywhere. It's all innocent and calming, and while Quill is certainly learning to appreciate such gestures, they still mainly spark a yearning in her for more.

She wants to be touched in other places, but knows she has to be cuffed to the bed first for that to happen.

"What are you waiting for?" Quill asks impatiently.

"I'm waiting for you to tell me you're not scared, and be telling the truth," Kalei says, pulling away enough to hold Quill's gaze seriously, her hand cupping Quill's face. "Because it's not safe if I keep going and you're scared. You need to be safe."

"You're being ridiculous, I'm not in danger-" Quill says, but her scoffing doesn't quite work when her voice is trembling a little.

"Andy, control over your body is one of the only things you have left. Giving that control to somebody else is dangerous," Kalei tells her. "You have to trust me. Really trust me."

"I'm not much good at trusting people," Quill replies. "Not even you. It's not in my nature."

Kalei looks at her, all big brown eyes. Sad eyes. "Then I don't think we should be doing this. Without trust, this doesn't work." Her hands go to the cuffs, but Quill snatches them out of her reach.

She wants them gone, she wants them a thousand miles away from her, but taking them off means she doesn't get her fight. The fight she craves, the fight she needs for the sake of her sanity.

"I need this," she says, choking on her words and realising with horror that she's crying. "They took my most basic instinct from me and this is my chance to get it back; now that I know I can have it, I won't be able to rest until I get it. I might be terrified now, but I need to know how it feels when I'm not."

Kalei bites her lip. "Andy, just try and think about it. Think about if it was me. If you were putting the cuffs on me. Would you want to do this to me if you could see that I was terrified?"

Quill can't help but flinch at the image of restraining a Kalei who was crying and shaking with fear.

"Exactly. That's why I had a feeling it would be better if you were the one that cuffed me. I don't have reason to be scared."

"Well, other than the general loss of control."

Kalei shakes her head. "No, I'm not scared of that. I know I'd be in safe hands, literally and figuratively. I trust you."

Quill stares at her, staggered. "You trust me? Enough that you don't find the prospect even a little bit frightening?" Kalei just nods. "I - really? No one ever trusts me. Not since I led my army, and even then they trusted my rage more than me as a person."

"I trust you." Kalei's thumb strokes Quill's cheek. "And I want you to know that you can trust me. I'd fight off a whole horde of alien lizards or alien anythings if it meant keeping you safe - which is utterly insane, for more reasons than one, but it's true. This, you, it's scary because it's moved so fast, but at the same time, it isn't, because it just feels right. I'm just...sure. And I really hope it's the same for you."

"I've never been sure of anyone," Quill says, a lump in her throat. "Until now."

Kalei smiles and leans in to brush her nose against Quill's. Like every time before, it sends a shudder through Quill's body because it's simultaneously a piece of home and a piece of Kalei. It's familiar, and yet still so new and bizarre to think that this is something she has again. A lover. Someone who cares.

The chain between the cuffs is long enough to allow Quill to take Kalei's face in her hands and kiss her deeply. Kalei kisses her back and the tension in Quill's body melts away as she loses herself in the sensation of Kalei's lips against hers, in her taste and the tiny moans escaping her.

When they stop for breath, Quill nudges Kalei's nose back.

"I'd fight for you too," she whispers. "If I could. I still will, however I can."

"I know," Kalei says, and they stay like that for a few more seconds. "But right now we don't need to fight anyone. You just need to be able to fight against these cuffs. So tell me about why you're scared. Let's see if we can rationalise this fear."

"I suppose a part of me still wasn't sure about trusting you," Quill says, looking down at her cuffs and feeling that lump of uncertainty return to her gut, "which I know is nonsense. That part is quieter now. It might finally be convinced. That would be nice."

The cuffs feel heavy. Quill's heart is picking up again and that terror starts clawing at her - irrational but oh so powerful.

"Deep breaths," Kalei says softly, her hand tracing circles on Quill's bare back. "You're not alone, I'm here. I'm not going to hurt you. I'd never hurt you, Andy. This is your decision, you can change your mind in a second if you want to."

Quill takes the deep breaths. Five seconds in, five seconds hold, five seconds out. Again, but with ten seconds. Her heart is a little calmer by the time she's done. Kalei nods encouragingly and dips down to press a kiss to her shoulder.

"How are you feeling now?"

"Alright," Quill replies, swallowing again. "And I mean it this time. I think I'm ready to keep going."

The longer she holds Kalei's gaze - so patient, so caring - the more she feels some of the worry leave her. This is not Rhodia. This is Earth. Kalei is not her enemy or her oppressor. Kalei is….the only good thing in her life, other than coffee and chocolate and cats. Kalei is her lifeline. She could not be further from the last people to put Quill in cuffs.

This is your decision. In a sense, Quill is actually putting herself in cuffs. Which….actually helps a lot.

Kalei is meanwhile searching her face, then smiling, a kind of relief in her eyes. It must be obvious on Quill's face how much better she's feeling about it all.

"Okay, I'm going to get you to shuffle back so that you're near the headboard," she says to Quill, who immediately moves, "and then I'm going to undo one of these so I can loop it around, and then I'll do it back up. That alright?"

Quill gets herself settled by the headboard and nods. Kalei moves to sit next to her and does exactly what she said she would, lifting Quill's arms and putting the chain around a secure part of the headboard. When it comes to putting the cuff back on Quill's wrist, she drops a kiss there first.

"You're doing really well," she says, and once the cuffs are back on she leans back to gauge Quill's reaction. When Quill is able to hold her gaze, she smiles before her eyes roam across Quill and darken. "God, you're so beautiful like this. Not that you aren't always, but you look even better like this than I imagined."

"Imagined it a lot, did you?" Quill asks, letting amusement colour her tone to cover the fact that the compliment makes her want to preen. She tugs on the cuffs experimentally, feels the chain catch on the headboard. She is secured in place. Her heart skips a beat, and so she takes deep breaths again. It doesn't help as much as she'd like, but it helps a bit.

"Once you put it in my head, maybe." Kalei lets her hand trail down Quill's body, from collarbone to between her breasts to navel. "How are you feeling?" Her hand comes back up, gently cups one of Quill's breasts.

"Yellow," Quill blurts, not because she needs Kalei to slow down, but because she needs to see if she will. Just to test that what she's said all this time is true.

Kalei's hand instantly falls back down her body, lingering at her hip with only the lightest contact. Her eyes meanwhile dart up to Quill with new concern. Quill feels some of the nerves in her chest dissipate. The safe words work. Kalei is listening, and means every word she's said.

"Green," Quill says. "I just...wanted to be sure. That you would."

Kalei smiles with understanding, and nods before kissing Quill gently on the lips. "Are you alright with me taking my clothes off now? And straddling you?"

"Of course. The sooner the better."

Kalei pulls her t-shirt off and shimmies out of her shorts, leaving her as bare as Quill. Then she settles herself on Quill's hips, her knees either side. She looks up at Quill, that question in her eyes.

"Green."

Soft brown hands caress Quill's torso, slowly, their every touch stoking the embers of sensation within Quill.

"Can you move your hands? Is your circulation okay?" Kalei asks after a while, and Quill flexes her wrists experimentally before nodding. "Okay, good." Her eyes are warm as she regards Quill. "I mean it, you know. You're so beautiful I can't even think clearly sometimes."

Heat floods Quill's chest, the way it always does when Kalei says things like that. She hates that she reacts like this, that she has been brought so low by the Rhodians that now she craves validation, craves praise on some base level.

She bites her lip. "I - thank you."

Kalei's eyes are oddly knowing as she smiles and moves down Quill's body, her trail of kisses slow and deliberate. Quill tugs on the cuffs to get a feel for how much she'll be able to struggle against them. The answer is the perfect amount - just enough room to make it possible without so much it would get exhausting.

"Will they work for what you need?" Kalei asks, her hands ghosting over Quill's thighs.

Quill grins, "Oh, yes."

Kalei smiles back, widely, and spreads Quill's legs to kiss just above her left knee and keep moving inwards. It's exactly what she promised over the phone, kisses and little bites until Quill is certain her thigh is going to look beautifully colourful in the days to come. (Though not as much so if there had been lipstick involved, but she's willing to let that part of the promise slide.)

Kalei's grip is firm, and Quill properly pulls against the cuffs, because she wants her to hurry up and get to the point. Kalei had promised to go at a torturous pace, and Quill isn't going to just, well, lie down and take it. She yanks on the cuffs, wanting to grab Kalei by her hair and bring her where she wants her.

The short, sharp pain of fighting the cuffs too hard jolts through her wrist, but it makes Quill grin with satisfaction. It feels so good to be able to put her strength into something again. Not to mention that the brunette leaving bite marks on her thighs is a nice bonus.

Kalei pauses and looks up, a simple question in her eyes.

"Green," Quill says, and they share a brief smile before Kalei resumes her work with an admirable dedication.

It's glorious, but still not nearly enough.

"I know you said you were going to be slow, but this is insanity," Quill growls, and she uses her legs to try and draw Kalei in closer to where she wants her.

Kalei just laughs and pushes her legs back down against the mattress, holding them in place. Quill narrows her eyes and tries to get out of her grip, but finds that while she probably could, it would take all of her strength.

Hands bound. Legs secured. It's getting a little too close to her imprisonment on Rhodia.

"Yellow," Quill whispers, and takes several deep breaths.

Kalei nods and trails kisses along Quill's hip and lower stomach before finally returning to her thighs. She's started on the other one, apparently satisfied with the work she's done on the first. Her hands are still holding Quill's leg down but more loosely.

"You're going to have to do a lot more to make me beg," Quill tells her.

"And I intend to," Kalei says. "As long as you're comfortable in those cuffs for long enough."

"I'm fine, I just want you to get on with it." Quill imagines being able to lace her fingers through Kalei's hair and drag her up to kiss her, or hold her in place at the apex of her thighs, being able to end this frustration. She pulls at her cuffs with everything she has, she fights to be able to grab Kalei and flip her over and take her so hard she can't walk straight for three days.

The cuffs don't give. It's frustrating to fight to no avail, and her body is getting more and more sensitive with every sweep of Kalei's tongue and nip of her teeth, but the main thing is that she is fighting.

Her blood is thrumming with adrenaline, and she feels more alive than she has in months.

She keeps fighting and pulling until she has to take a break, breathing hard and shutting her eyes but so utterly content, at least mentally; physically, she's reaching the point where Kalei would probably only have to touch her in the right place for about ten seconds and that would be enough to finish her.

"The cuffs still okay?"

"More than okay," Quill says a little breathlessly, without opening her eyes. She can feel a smile on her face. No reply comes and nor do any new touches from Kalei other than her hands resting on Quill's hips, and she cracks an eye open to see Kalei sitting up slightly, eyes dark as they regard Quill. "What?"

Kalei bites her lip and lets her hands sweep up Quill's torso. "I just...really underestimated how much I'd like watching you struggle."

Look at her, the mighty leader. There's something satisfying about watching her struggle, isn't there?

Quill flinches away from Kalei's hands. "Orange," she manages to remember to say, and she sees Kalei retracting her hands like a shot, eyes wide and concerned. Quill's instinct is to shut her eyes but she keeps them open because this is not Rhodia, and she is not bound by her enemies. She has chosen to be bound by Kalei.

She has chosen this. All it would take is a single syllable from her and she would be free in seconds. She has chosen this because she needs something to fight. These cuffs are not restraints, not really. They are liberation.

She takes a deep breath and focuses on Kalei, on those earnest brown eyes in front of her.

"What did I-" Kalei trails off as guilt floods her features. "Oh god, I didn't even think about how that sounded, Andy-"

"Not your fault," Quill says quietly.

"I'm so sorry," Kalei says, covering her mouth with her hand. "Are you sure you don't want to stop altogether?"

Quill shakes her head, adamantly. "I just...need a minute. And...well, you."

"But, orange-"

"It was your words, not any other part of you," Quill tells her firmly. "One second I was here, and the next I was in my cell, the guards sneering at me, at the mighty leader of the Quill, in chains but still fighting." She feels the heavy emotion filling her again and reaches for Kalei on instinct, only for the chain of the cuffs to rattle when her hands barely get two inches.

Quite without her permission, her eyes start to water. Fighting the cuffs isn't fun when she just wants to pull Kalei to her, she just needs her where she can reach her -

"Kalei, please," she says, her voice so soft it's barely audible. "Come here."

Kalei swallows hard but moves to sit in Quill's lap, and even just the warmth of Kalei's body against her own is reassuring for Quill. Kalei must feel some of the tension leave Quill's body because she looks at her with shining eyes as she cups Quill's face in her hands.

"I'm sorry," she says, but Quill shakes her head and nudges her nose with her own.

"There's nothing to forgive."

Kalei kisses Quill ever so gently, on the lips and then across her cheek, and once Quill's eyes fall shut, brushes kisses across her eyelids too.

It's wonderful. Quill has spent so long denying how she melts from tiny gestures like this, how back on Rhodia she had had to push her sentiments aside to keep her head as a commander, but even then had savoured that tiny touch of the nose, the one gentle thing her people were capable of.

On Earth, she could dismiss it as 'human, and therefore disgusting.' But it's not.

She needs it. She craves it. It's how she knows she isn't alone; her anchor to sanity is Kalei's hands and lips on her face and against her hair, and maybe that's a weakness. But some weaknesses are also strengths, and she knows that she would fight until the end of this world to keep this woman safe.

That could be a good thing. It certainly feels like a good thing, as much as it also aches. Provided she lives past getting the arn out of her head and seeing the Shadowkin exterminated, it would be good to have something left to fight for. A Quill is nothing without something to fight for.

When Quill feels Kalei's hands on the cuffs, her eyes snap open.

"What are you doing?" she asks, sharply.

"Checking on them," Kalei replies with a frown. "I should have been checking them more, but I haven't done this before, and I just got so caught up in what I was doing. Your wrists aren't in the best shape, Andy, I think I should take these off-"

"Don't," Quill says, a little surprised by how desperate her voice sounds. "Please don't."

"But don't they hurt?"

"A little. But I find a little physical pain to be comforting." When Kalei's frown shifts to something more uncertain, Quill gives her a small smile. "Have you never had something hurt, but in a way that felt good?"

Kalei's eyes hold hers, warm and soft. "Well, when you put it like that." She nudges Quill's nose and they keep the contact for a while, Kalei's hand lifting to play with Quill's hair, stroking and combing in a way that feels glorious.

"Besides, it's entirely my own fault, I kept doing it even though it was painful," Quill adds eventually. "I know you're meant to be looking after me, but you're not to blame for me being, well, me."

"I can't help but still feel like I'm doing a terrible job of this."

Quill shakes her head. "You've been so good to me. Don't ever, ever think otherwise."

Kalei smiles. "Well, I'm about to be better. How does me finally going down on you sound?"

Quill had actually forgotten about her sexual frustration until then, rather sidetracked by the cuff-related panic and then all the wonderful, wonderful touching. But the moment the idea is put back in her head -

"It's about fucking time," she says, and grinds her hips up against Kalei's because she can. The brunette bites her lip through a grin.

"So impatient," Kalei teases, tapping Quill on the nose with her finger and making her blink.

"You've spent a good half an hour between my legs without actually getting to where I want you, so yes, shoot me, I'm impatient."

Kalei lightly trails her hands down Quill's body as she shuffles back. She kisses Quill's lower stomach and caresses the sensitive thighs that will be bearing marks so proudly by the time the day is done. And it's nice, but goddamn if Quill hasn't had enough of nice for the moment.

"I swear, if you don't-" Quill can't finish her sentence because Kalei's mouth is finally, finally where she wants it. It's the most natural thing in the world to shut her eyes and let the pleasure wash over her. Her body has been teased and sensitised and panicked and soothed but it remembers and her hips are bucking almost instantly.

"You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," Kalei says softly, and it's not even close to the first time she's said anything like that, but it's the first time she's said it while they're in the middle of having sex, and Quill is shocked to feel the words shoot warmth right to her core.

Kalei meets her eyes and a kind of satisfaction flashes through the brown irises, her fingers moving to where Quill is most sensitive and sliding over it lightly, making her hips jerk again.

"You've been so patient," Kalei murmurs, "As patient as I could dare hope. So patient, and strong. So good-"

Quill tries to swallow the tiny whimper that escapes her, because being called good shouldn't affect her the way it is, it's bizarre and alarming because craving praise is one thing but this is different. This runs deeper, somehow, she's getting off on it, and it's like Kalei knows.

"That's it," Kalei says as Quill's breathing gets shallow and her fingers keep moving, gently and consistently. "That feels good, doesn't it? You've earned it, you deserve it. To feel this good."

Quill comes with a small cry, tugging on the cuffs because it's the only thing she can do, and the short burst of pain only augments the pleasure coursing through her.

She isn't sure how long she lies there, the cuffs the only thing keeping her from completely melting into the mattress from the sheer bliss of it all - not the sex, or the fighting, or the touching, but all of it together.

Kalei moves to undo the cuffs, and it is a relief to feel them slip off her wrists, to be able to flex the sore joints and relish it. More importantly, it means Quill can finally touch Kalei, and so she wastes no time in grabbing Kalei by the waist and pulling her down to lie next to her on the mattress. Kalei lets out a noise of surprise, but doesn't try to move.

"You did so well," Kalei says, reaching out to stroke Quill's hair.

Quill's throat feels thick. "How did you know?"

Kalei smiles at her, softly. "Andy, you're not that difficult to read. And even if you were, I'm a fairly observant person."

Quill's hand traces the line of Kalei's hip absently. "Thank you. For all of it."

"Thank you for trusting me," Kalei says, before her eyes go to Quill's red wrists. "I think I should go and get something to put on those."

"Maybe later," Quill murmurs, her heart rate still taking its time to slow, her body still calming down from being utterly wired. "I'm honestly fine. I just want you." She kisses Kalei, finally able to take charge of the kiss again now that she has use of her hands.

"I'm not going anywhere," Kalei assures her after kissing her back. "You don't just leave a submissive when you're done. God, that's a point, I should have asked you about aftercare before this."

"Aftercare?"

"You know, what makes you feel safe and good after doing this."

"I feel good now," Quill whispers, a tiny laugh escaping her. "Like I'm floating."

Kalei's fingers stroke across her hair gently. "That's good. But you'll probably come down from that soon, and then you might feel different. It's called sub drop. So what can you think of that you want?"

"A nap. With you. And chocolate. Chocolate would be nice."

Kalei smiles. "I'll be right back with the chocolate." She gets out of the bed and Quill lets her eyes shut again, focusing on breathing and the faint throbbing of her wrists and all the other delicious feelings. When she opens her eyes again a few moments later, she sees the cuffs still hanging from the headboard and doesn't know how to feel about them.

She's coming down now, from whatever that high of sorts was, and it feels strange. But before she can think about it too much, Kalei is back with chocolate and a fluffy white cat under her arm.

"Xenophilius," Quill says with surprise, taking him from Kalei when he is offered and bringing him to rest against her chest. "Hello." He shifts a little before settling himself and starts to purr when she strokes him.

"Thought he might help too," Kalei says with a grin as she slides in next to Quill and curls into her side. She also can't resist petting the cat.

"Thank you." Quill is oddly touched, even though Kalei's thoughtfulness shouldn't come as a surprise at this point.

"You okay?" Kalei asks quietly as she holds the chocolate out.

"Like you said, feeling different," Quill says, letting out a long breath and biting into the chocolate bar. "Thanks for the warning. But it's not bad. Just...new. That sure was something."

"I told you it would be intense," Kalei reminds her, resting her head on Quill's shoulder and tracing circles over Quill's stomach.

"You did, and I was fool enough to scoff. Here's me taught."

"You're not a fool. You're brilliant."

Quill wants to tell her to lay off the compliments but can't quite bring herself to do it because it's not actually what she wants. She wants them all.

"But it was good?" Kalei asks.

Quill puts an arm around Kalei to hold her tight, and returns the smile that Kalei gives her. "It was...nothing short of incredible. Hiccups and all."

"Do you want to talk about the...orange light thing?"

"No." Quill's voice is firm. "I told you everything that was important, no need to sully this with thoughts of dead Rhodians whose opinions I care about even less now than I did then."

"That's not necessarily what I meant."

"It wasn't your fault, Kalei. It just happened. It's alright. You more than made up for it." She expects Kalei to answer, but the brunette just cuddles closer, and the only sound that escapes her is a deep sigh.

Quill can also hear her breathing, and considers that yes, perhaps without the comforting warmth of Kalei's body next to her, or Xenophilius's soft weight on her, without this cuddling, the drop might have been downright unpleasant. As per usual, Kalei knows what she's talking about, and Quill is better for it.

Finally, Kalei speaks again, and the classic mischief is in her voice. "So, do I get to be the one in cuffs next time?"

Quill chuckles on reflex, but finds herself quickly sobering. Now that she's experienced it for herself, the intensity of it all, the fact that Kalei trusts her explicitly to do the same to her is even more staggering. And it doesn't sit right with Quill.

No one's ever trusted her this intimately before. People have trusted her, sure, but those were troops who believed in their commander, in their shared cause. It's not the same - and besides, she failed them all anyway. She's failed everyone who ever trusted her. So how can she let herself do this to Kalei?

"It'll be a while yet before I'll have processed that you trust me enough to do this," Quill says honestly. "People don't trust me as a general rule, and those who do, I end up failing. It's going to take a while for me to get past that."

Kalei turns and lifts her head to look at her. "Andy, you won't-"

Quill puts her finger to Kalei's lips and smirks at her. "But when I do come to terms with it, oh the fun I'm going to have." Kalei grins. "But now, seriously, I know it can't even be noon yet, but I feel like I need to sleep, just for a bit."

"Sure, whatever you want."

They have to move the protesting cat to sit down by their legs, and Kalei laughs when Quill tells him to 'stop looking at us like that.' He finally resettles himself in the angle of Kalei's knee.

Quill falls asleep with her body curled around Kalei's, and feels - for the first time since the arn got put in her head - that maybe one day, if she has her freedom and her enemies are dead, she could be truly happy if this is what life on Earth could come to mean.

Okay, so, yeah, some praise kink found its way in there too. But it fits, and you got some very strong hints about it last chapter. :P

Thanks for reading, let me know what you thought! (I have...slaved over this chapter, getting it to how it is now. So I really hope you guys actually like it, lol.)