This fanfic was originally published on December 9, 2007.
KATARA: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual
Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a fully automated KATARA unit. To ensure you get the full benefits of your Waterbender and Healer. Please pay close attention to the following instructions.
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Basic Information:
Name: KATARA
Date of Manufacture: 14 years ago
Place of Manufacture: South Pole
Nationality/Ethnicity: Water Tribe (South)
Height: About 5'5"
Weight: About 115 lb but we don't know for sure because a SOKKA unit may have damaged the scale before we could weigh her.
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Your KATARA unit will come with the following accessories:
One (1) Water Tribe outfit
One (1) Parka
Two (2) Sleeping bags; one (1) Water Tribe one for cold frigid nights and one (1) Earth Kingdom one for warmer nights.
One (1) Water pouch (You will receive an additional two (2) pouches when you upgrade to version 3.5)
One (1) Vial of Spirit Oasis water with special properties (version 2.0 and up)
One (1) Emergency sewing kit for mending embarrassing pant tares
One (1) Mother's necklace
One (1) Fire Nation disguise (version 3.0 and up)
One (1) Panted Lady costume (version 3.0 only)
Two (2) Shin guards (version 3.5 only)
Two (2) Arm guards (version 3.5 only)
One (1) Comb that suspiciously looks like it once belonged to a HAMA unit (version 3.5 only)
One (1) Fancy Ba Sing Sei outfit (version 3.5 only)
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Programming:
Your KATARA unit is a highly versatile unit being a master waterbender with rare techniques (version 1.0 aside) and can even do several different domestic chores if asked nicely and not too frequently. With each upgrade she will become even more versatile.
Waterbender: (Default Program) Is a multipurpose bending art that can be used for a wide range of things from altering the state of matter to cutting through solid objects at high velocities.
Healer: Has a rare healing ability to heal people using waterbending (nearly all northern female weterbenders aside) and with the water from the Spirit Oasis she can use it to heal fatal injuries.
WARNING: Extra vials of Spirit Oasis water is in very short supply due to manufacturing difficulties, so originals may be needed to saved for something really important; like gee we don't know maybe SAVING AANG'S LIFE!!
Bloodbender: (For version 3.0 and up after taught by a HAMA unit.) This is a very freaky form of waterbending that can only be used during a full moon. This technique moves the water inside a body to get it to move and do whatever you want it to do.
CAUTION: Your KATARA unit may refuse to bloodbend unless she is on her Revenge O' Clock setting.
WARNING: We are in no way responsible for any psychological damage teaching your KATARA unit this technique might cause and or if you're killed by a HAMA unit in the process.
Waterbender Teacher: Well going literally half way around to find an AANG unit a waterbending master to teach advanced techniques takes such a long time; (Knowing about the long lost Equatorial Water Tribe at the time would have been really useful!) you might need a KATARA unit to teach the basics along the way. (Version 2.0 and up is a waterbending master and a PAKKU unit is not needed to teach an AANG unit how to waterbend.)
Aggressive Negotiator: By aggressive negotiating we mean theft.
Panted Lady: Need a healer to heal some sick people living near a polluted factory or better yet someone to destroy that §#!&ing factory so people don't continue to get sick? Or do you just need a super hero to accompany to get into a super hero's convention? Well look no further.
Domestic Chores: (I bet I just made some feminists shudder at the thought.) KATARA units generally don't mind doing these things given their maturity and sense of responsibility as long as you're nice about asking and not a sexist pig.
WARNING: If you are a sexist pig prepare to meet her wrath!
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Your KATARA unit has eight (8) settings:
Motherly: (Default setting) (May attract AANG units in ways unexpected to your KATARA unit)
Happy: Activates whenever she is enjoying herself basically.
Angry: This setting is more easily triggered than you may realize upon first impression. Facial twitches are often the first warning sign that she is about to be on this setting.
Sad/Depressed: Whenever a loved one dies/is missed, or when something isn't right with one of her friends, or is in a desert (normal for waterbenders).
Excited: When something goes her way or a really good opportunity comes along. (Even when it's apparent that the consequences outweigh the risk)
Horrified: (Level 1 lock) Whenever she is forced to do something she has no control over. (Note that repeated Fire Nation raids on the Southern Water Tribe has desensitized her somewhat to the horrors of war)
Jet Syndrome: First observed in JET units; this setting despite its name does not strictly only apply to only them and can apply to other people as well, particularly ZUKO units. If someone betrays her trust she will hold a huge grudge against that person and it will become nearly impossible to regain her trust and in some cases, over protective of an AANG unit.
Revenge O' Clock: Sometimes simultaneously with Jet Syndrome it will activate if her grudge against someone has reached critical levels. If on this setting she will have no problem bloodbending. (i)
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Relations with other units: Your KATARA unit is a friendly (when not in angry mode) unit and is compatible with many other units.
SOKKA: Is the brother unit of your KATARA unit; is one of the most compatible units even though SOKKA units will piss her off from time to time. Will appear to be the older of the two to outsiders when it comes to general responsibilities. But fear not, SOKKA units are quite capable of looking out for your KATARA unit.
(AVATAR) AANG: This is the unit that needs to learn waterbending from your KATARA unit. Their relationship is usually on good terms even from the start but even an AANG unit is capable of pissing off your KATARA unit. An AANG unit will become lovesick around a KATARA unit unfortunately any affection given to your KATARA unit will be rarely returned in the in the form desired by an AANG unit. KATARA units seem to appear to be oblivious to any signs of an AANG unit having a romantic interest in them.
CAUTION: If you are successful in getting a KATARA and an AANG unit into a romantic relationship keep in mind that if they decide to create a new unit, and the destruction of that AANG unit happens late in the process; there is a disturbing possibility that said AANG unit may be reincarnated as his own kid.
TOPH BEI FONG: Your KATARA unit will be become compatible with this unit over time. However interactions will get off to a rocky start mainly due to the fact that TOPH units don't like people helping them with things that they can do by themselves and won't help your KATARA unit out because she will then expect your KATARA unit to due something for her in return. To make the transition of compatibility go smoother get an IROH unit to talk some sense into her. It should be noted that TOPH units enjoy arguing with your KATARA unit; so arguments will persist even after they become close friends.
APPA: Is more than just a means to get around to a KATARA unit more than you would think due to the fact that they are compatible enough for a KATARA unit to get an APPA unit to play sick.
WARNING: If theory of compatibility is wrong keep your KATARA unit when she has purple berries away from any APPA units.
MOMO: Interactions are similar to an APPA unit. Regarded as a pet, (which he basically is) interactions are not as smooth as they are with an AANG unit; but they are better than with a SOKKA unit. While she can get a MOMO unit to do something for her, it is not as easily done than with an APPA unit due to the fact that all MOMO units are descended from a feral lemur population and were feral themselves until recently.
HAKODA: This is the paternal unit of your KATARA unit. Interactions towards HAKODA units will become cold if separated for too long. Because of this in part, SOKKA units are more compatible with HAKODA units than they are with KATARA units even though HAKODA units have been known to push aside SOKKA units.
(PRINCE) ZUKO: Though they may be hated enemies there is still the possibility of a potential friendship in the future. Your KATARA unit may even offer to heal a ZUKO unit's scar.
WARNING: Could cause the apocalypse if used to heal a ZUKO unit's scar if an AANG unit is later fatally injured before the Fire Lord is defeated.
WARNING 2: Any seemingly romantic encounters will just later become evident plot devices. (Sorry Zutarians)
WARNING 3: Interactions with a ZUKO Version 2.0 might induce Jet Syndrome.
Version 3.5: If a ZUKO unit has already betrayed her trust she will be very cold hearted and bitchy towards one and he will have to regain her trust by going on a ninja mission with her. Only then can they become friends.
WARNING: Any seemingly romantic encounters that don't later become evident plot devices are just pure Zutarian cocktease. (Sorry Zutarians)
SUKI: Not as well documented as with the rest of the members of the gaang. It appears that they get along but unfortunately we know next to nothing about their more complex interactions. Sadly there was just no time for a girls' day out when observing them because they were either too busy looking for missing AANG units or trying to save the world.
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Cleaning:
Your KATARA unit is fully capable of cleaning herself and being a waterbender she is even capable of cleaning in places we don't even want to think about. But if you wish to do it yourself do not machine wash, do not tumble dry, do not hang on the line to dry.
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Energy:
Since bending uses up a lot of chi make sure that she is fed thrice daily.
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Upgrades: This unit can be upgraded however you may purchase pre-upgraded versions. But because upgrading KATARA units is such a hassle it will cost §200.00 extra per upgrade.
2.0 Upgrade: In order to upgrade to KATARA Version 2.0 first make sure that she has traveled to the North Pole then find a PAKKU unit to teach her advanced waterbending. Since he will initially refuse to teach your KATARA unit to waterbend, she will have to get into a fight and put up a good one in order to get him to change his mind.
3.0 Upgrade: In order to upgrade to KATARA Version 3.0 first make sure that she and her group have stolen a Fire Nation ship, next head on down to the Fire Nation (make sure to use fog/steam for cover) and steal some clothes.
3.5 Upgrade: In order to upgrade to version 3.5 first make sure she has mastered bloodbending, then prepare for the invasion on the Day of Black Sun. Believe it or not that's all you need to do.
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Frequently Asked Questions:
Q: What is with my KATARA and TOPH units and mud fighting?
A: All we know is that it has something to do with the fact that mud being a mixture of earth and water is the only substance that they can both bend. But as to why they do it has yet to be figured out. What is really strange is that we don't seem to get too many complaints about it.
Q: Why is it called Jet Syndrome if it can be directed at other people?
A: Gaah! Don't you people ever thoroughly read through the directions (and the ones that you are the most interested in particular)? We had already stated earlier that it is named after JET units because it was first observed being directed towards them. This means it got its name before it was observed being directed at other people.
Q: If sweat and blood can be bended then does that mean that urine as well as other unmentionable body fluids can also be bended?
A: Yes it can. Though why our HAMA units couldn't have figured this out and escaped from prison a lot sooner is beyond us.
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Troubleshooting:
Problem: You can't find a PAKKU unit to teach your KATARA unit advanced waterbending techniques.
Solution: Go to the nearest docking harbor where there you should find some pi…err merchants they should have a waterbending scroll you can buy. If you can't afford it, don't worry that's where your KATARA unit's aggressive negotiating program will come in handy.
Problem: You need some sort of waterbending to be done for whatever reason but don't have any water.
Solution: Have you tried running around until you start perspirating?
Problem: You used the water from the Spirit Oasis to heal a/your ZUKO unit's scar and now you need another vial.
Solution: We will sell you another vial, but it will cost you §60,000; again due to manufacturing difficulties. Don't complain that we didn't warn you.
Problem: Your KATARA unit is exhibiting signs of Jet Syndrome around your ZUKO unit and you can't have this sort of thing go on in your home.
Solution: If you haven't done so already upgrade your ZUKO unit to Version 3.5 (since that version will at least try to regain her trust) and for now try to make sure that they keep their distance until more research is done or else you just might have to hear your ZUKO unit complain about getting enemas and that is if she is in a good mood when the moon isn't full. And if you have an AANG unit try to make sure that he doesn't go alone with your ZUKO unit. (Although if you have a ZUKO Version 3.0 or lower and a KATARA unit you most likely don't have an AANG unit. Are we right?)
August 18, 2008 Update: In order to get your KATARA unit to regain her trust in ZUKO units she will have to go on a ninja mission with him to find her mother's killer since a ZUKO unit would know how to find this guy. Even though she will never be able to forgive a YON RAH unit she will be able to forgive that ZUKO unit afterwards.
WARNING: We are not responsible if your KATARA unit destroys a YON RAH unit and you get sued by the owner.
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With proper care and maintenance, your KATARA unit should become one of the greatest waterbenders in the world.
i This is based on a hilarious animated avatar of when Katara was flying on Appa all night and there was a conversation between Zuko and Katara that went something like this.
Katara: There is no rest stop between here and revenge o' clock.
Zuko: What's that smell?
Katara: A diaper.