The Eternal Paradox

by InMyWildestDreams

"The one with the power to change the timeline must choose between those who live and those who die. They must bear the burden of the eternal paradox." When the world is consumed by Chaos and the knight of Etro is thrown into a long forgotten past, will she be able to set things right, or will she allow herself to be swept away by the raging tides of Chaos lurking within all of us?

14. Chapter XIII: Shards of Time

Sorry guys for this awefully long wait but this chapter really was the hardest to write. It almost made me give up way through. Anyway. Thank you for all those reviews and your kind support.

I won´t keep you any longer.

Please enjoy.

---

Caution! Serious romantic content ahead!

---

Gustavo Santaolalla – Pajaros

CHAPTER XIII: SHARDS OF TIME

Time is very slow for those who wait.

Very fast for those who´re scared.

Very long for those who lament.

Very short for those who celebrate.

But for those who love,

time is eternal.

- William Shakespeare

---

Time...

Time rots everything.

And just like over the course of centuries it would rot Caius Ballad´s heart, leaving nothing but an emtpy shell, a phantom, it also crushed Lightning´s hard feelings towards him.

Her reluctance.

Her insecurities.

Her fears.

Made them crush and crumble and turned them into something else entirely.

The haunting memories of the old Caius gradually replaced by the new kind and caring one, the man whome she had thought her bitter enemy, he came to be the man she loved.

And although it was time that had caused her so much trouble, so much pain, it was also time that helped her mend her wounds.

Helped her settle in there in that long forgotten past.

Helped her forget and let go.

Accept her fate.

Her destiny.

Yes...

She would stay in the past, her new present, for as long as she lived.

There was nothing she could do about this.

But maybe that wasn´t the worst thing that could have happened allthogether, was it?

No... Now that finally she had found someone to share her time with, something like a family, the prospect of staying there, it suddenly didn´t seem so bad anymore at all.

Yes.

She wouldn´t return to Coccon, to Serah, to the future.

Not in this life.

It was true.

But that was okay.

As long as she would be with Caius Ballad, it would be okay.

She would stay here until the day she died and return to the Chaos she had been created from, just to be reborn over a thousand years into the future without an ounze of knowledge about everything that had once happened, that was going to happen, really.

And she would do it again.

Everything.

Would repeat all her mistakes, all her choices, all her wrong decisions.

She would see Serah again and her family and Caius...

Another Caius...

One she wouldn´t recognize even if she were able to remember her previous life.

No, she wouldn´t, because he´d be nothing like the Caius she once knew.

Time would have turned him into the fierce relentless warrior she had already met there in the timeless realms, that dark shadow, more a monster than a man, completely devoid of all the qualities that had once defined the Caius Ballad she had loved. All that kindness, that compassion, that affection, slowly smothered by the grief, the pain, the sorrow, the despair of centuries – a toxic mixture that would one day tear apart the axis of reality and embrace the Chaos.

The Chaos leaking from the void beyond and into the world of the living.

The Chaos around us, within us.

All of us.

But there was still time.

Still time until that very day.

So much time until she would stand there in that exact same place at that exact same time once more.

Time...

It would not wait...

No matter how hard she tried to hold on...

It´d escape her...

Yes...

She knew it couldn´t stay like this forever.

She knew he couldn´t stay with her forever.

She knew that.

Knew, that soon he would have to leave her.

Knew he had to leave for Yeul.

She had known that.

Had known all along.

And sure it would be painful.

Sure it would be sad.

But in the end, she´d just have to let go.

She´d have to let him go.

This was just the way things were.

It was their path.

A path that had been laid out for them ever since the beginning of time itself, that they were destined to walk until the end of all eternity.

And it hurt...

But it was okay.

It was okay because although the idea of parting from him pained her, pained her a lot, there was always that thought at the back of her mind, that tiny spark of hope, that soft gentle voice that kept whispering at the back of her head, telling her that although she wouldn´t see him again, not in this lifetime at the least, in a thousand years from now, in another life, another universe, in some alternate reality, they´d meet again.

Yes...

She´d be born again and she´d be on her way.

On her way to meet him again.

And maybe, just maybe, something tiny, something small, something insignificant, would be different, granting them a few more days, a few more hours, a few more precious moments spent together.

Or at least that was what she hoped.

For she knew that time, it´d come too soon.

All too soon.

Of course it would.

There was no denying this.

There´d never been.

But now, for the time being...

All was well.

---

Time is a fickle thing,

It passes fast in moments of bliss and joy,

so there is never enough of it.

It stretches out endlessly

in times of hardship, times of torment.

A moment without joy, is an eternity of sadness,

and a tiny glimpse of happiness, no matter how short,

has the power to erase aeons of pain, of suffering.

But be aware, however cruel,

history is a lesson better not to be forgotten.

For those who cannot remember the past

are condemmned to repeat it.

- George Santayana (Altered)

---

„I simply love that smile... You really gotta smile more often..." Caius Ballad´s voice was tickling the sensitive skin right under her left ear.

The pink haired warrior closing her eyes at the pleasant sensation, she couldn´t help but feel her lips twist upwards. Her facial muscles moving completely on their own, there would have been no way for her to stop them, not even if she wanted.

Well...

There was no need try to do so anyway.

„Yeah... Exactly like that..." the guardian whispered, before leaning in a little closer, he placed a gentle tiny kiss right on the corner of her mouth.

They were sitting in the waist high grass again, right up there in the spot beneath the single oak tree, that place they visited so often now, as hidden from the sight of prying eyes by the thick tall vegetation of the Archylte Steppe, they enjoyed the safety of their now shared sanctuary.

A few weeks had passed since their first shared kiss there in the clearing of the forest, a few short weeks since the purple haired hunter had returned from the temple of the seeress, a few short weeks passed with secret kisses, gentle touches and meaningful glances, with soft words and nights spent holding hands infront of those small warm crackling fires.

Those past few weeks, they had been bliss, had been soothing to their aching souls.

Like a peaceful evening after a long exhausting working day, like a relaxing bath after travelling through the raging gusts of a cold fierce storm.

And it was a warm summerly wheathered day, unusually warm for that time of the year. With the clouds parting to let the sun pass through and the gentle breeze carrying a whiff of those past few hotter months, those last few blissfull days, they were the death rattle of the summer.

Yes.

Winter would approach soon.

The autumn had turned the grass of the Archylte Steppe brown already.

Brown and withered and dry.

And it were the last rays of the dying sun, that were twinkling through those tall high culms that threw warm dancing shadows on their faces, on their skin, the last rays of the dying sun that painted the sky above them in a million brilliant colours again.

The dying sun...

They watched it sink behind the sea of mountains in the distance, watched it fade and drown until even the faintest golden glow was gone from the horizon, vanished, to embrace the darkness of another night.

They had spent the last few days running around the Steppe, the forests, the mountains even, eager to gather the very last supplies for winter, busy completing assignments from Cara, or helping the other villagers with preparing the livestock´s stables for the cooler season.

Yes, they had been rather busy.

With all those preparations going on around them, they hadn´t exactly had much time for themselves.

But now that finally most of their work was done, the two of them had decided to take the rest of the evening off, to just escape the hustle and bustle of the main road. At least for a few precious hours.

They did deserve a little break here and then, right?

Well... They could definitely need one.

Slightly stressed by the amount of things still needing to get done, they had almost forgotten how liberating it felt to just let go.

To just exist.

Just breathe.

Yes, it was nice to take a timeout.

Nice to have some time to relax.

Nice to spend some time together.

Just the two of them for once.

„If there´s one thing about Gran´ Pulse I´d miss, it´s the stars... I simply love the stars..." the pink haired warrior said out of nowhere. Her eyes trained upwards to admire the vastness of the universe spreading there above them, there were a million tiny stars reflecting in those pools of icy blue.

They had settled to just lie there in the grass together.

With their shoulders touching and their hands entwined, the world around them going off to sleep already and the Steppe veiled in peaceful silence, it was Caius Ballad´s thumb caressing the back of her hand once more that made her throat emit a content happy sigh.

The body contact once so foreign to her, scary even, after all this time, after everything they had been going through together, suddenly it made her feel save and protected there.

Suddenly it felt like home.

Home...

Gazing up into the sky, Lightning was again struck by the beauty of the night, the darkness. Darker then smeared charcoal even. With small splashes of gold and silver twinkling from those pitchblack depths, as if an artist had brazenly attempted to light it without aim, the vast seemingly endless space, it was filled with trillions of glittering stars.

Sparkling and glistening there like diamonds.

Crystal, even.

Just like Cocoon...

Were there people up there on the other stars as well?

Maybe there were.

A million worlds, a million universes.

Infinite possibility...

„The stars..?" her purple haired companion repeated looking at her sceptically, a handsome smile tugging at the corner of his lips as he rolled onto his side.

Stars...

Caius Ballad didn´t care about the stars at all.

His eyes, they weren´t trained skywards.

No.

They were set on her face.

„Yes... They are beautiful..." the woman from the future answered in a dreamy voice, her eyes clued to the sky above, she didn´t seem to notice how his fingers were playing with her hair, didn´t seem to notice the subtle ways he tried to catch her attention.

No.

He had no chance competing against the beauty of the nightsky it seemed.

„Just like you..." The guardian whispered.

His husky voice tickling the skin of her neck again, those words of his, they finally made the pink haired time traveller turn her head to look at him.

Their eyes meeting for a long meaningful moment, it was emitting a tiny giggle that the modest female prostestingly shook her head.

„Don´t be stupid, I´m not beautiful at all..." she argued as propping herself on her elbows, slowly she sat up to meet his gaze.

„You are to me..." was all the guardian could say, as watching his companion´s cheeks blush under the moonlike sheen of the planetoid above, he moved in to kiss her small pinkish lips once more.

He got shoved away before he even had the chance to touch them.

„You must be crazy then!" Lightning contered playfully as targetting her lover´s chest, she pushed him over all the way for him to land on his back.

The thick high grass cushioning his fall, Caius Ballad only gave a tiny huff.

He didn´t know what she was playing at this time but he could tell she was only teasing him, knew whatever it was, it wasn´t something serious this time.

Nothing to get worried about.

„Maybe I am..." he said as reaching up to gently grab her waist, he made to pull her down on top of him.

He knew she couldn´t deny him that kiss forever...

Their bellies flush against each other´s, the guardian´s handsome face only inches from her own, for a few seconds Etro´s fallen champion just lay there, continued to look down at him, loosing herself in those brilliant amethyst eyes of his.

They hadn´t been that close before.

Ever.

But now that finally they were, suddenly she couldn´t imagine being anywhere else.

That man she had so long fought to kill, suddenly under the pale shine of Cocoon, he was irresistable.

„I guess we both are." she whispered. Her voice suddenly hoarse and her throat running dry, she decided to just skip the talking and leaned down to kiss him.

The guardian to be, he didn´t complain.

Not for a second.

She could do with him whatever she wanted.

He was her´s.

All her´s.

There was nothing he wouldn´t do for her.

Absolutely nothing.

And she knew that.

Knew of course.

Knew how important she was to him.

The way he kissed her back, the way his arms were holding her, were holding her so close, the way one of his hands was sneaking to the small of her back and under her shirt to caress her skin, there was no way for that fact to escape her notice.

And they were one.

Knew that they belonged together.

Their lips moving together as if it had always been that way.

As if it were meant to be like this from the beginning.

And it was completely loosing herself in that kiss of theirs, that the pink haired warrior allowed herself to just let go, to give in to those raging tides of Chaos, to give in to him completeley.

Her fingers roaming the hunter´s lean upper body through the soft fabric of his shirt, down from his collarbone over his chest they trailed up to his shoulder again, up to that spot where she had shot him, where a sharp intake of breath from his side told her it still hurt.

She regretted it almost instantly.

Oh how could she have done this to him in the first place?!

Suddenly she couldn´t fathom...

Couldn´t fathom anymore.

She immidiately pulled away to appologize.

„I´m sor -."

He didn´t even let her finish.

Just pulled her even closer.

Kissed her even harder.

And it was only a few moments later that she felt his hands under her shirt again, felt him push it upwards to expose her belly.

The guardian, he found she didn´t bother, didn´t mind, as shifting her weight so she could sit up, the once fierce ex soldier allowed him to push the tiny piece of thin dark cotton all the way up and over her head.

The pink haired female, she instantly felt the cool breeze of the Archylte Steppe on her body, felt it caress her naked alabaster skin, felt her body shiver in the cold of yet another one of Pulse´s autumn nights. But it was only for that tiny moment before her companion´s lips came down on her again. Trailing hot burning kisses all over her jaw, her neck, her collarbone, setting her on fire in the most exquisite way imaginable.

And it was completely loosing herself in the feeling, in that whirlwind of emotions, in that storm of Chaos really, that her hands came down to unbotton his shirt.

Her tiny delicate fingers slowly moving down his chest, exposing a little bit more of the hunter´s sun tanned skin with every tiny button that they found, Caius Ballad had his shirt added to the growing pile of clothes somewhere on the ground right next to them in seemingly no time at all.

And it was bliss, the way she felt his hands there on her sides, her back, her belly. The way she made to lay down on top of him again so she could feel his upper body press against her´s. To feel as much of his skin on her´s as possible. Until her lips found his again.

And then they kissed.

They kissed again.

Parting her lips she let him in to find her tongue.

Met him half way really as he moved to cup her cheek.

And her hands were tangled in his hair again while his were on her face, her back, her shoulders, desperate to hold her close.

Bliss.

Paradise.

And it was aeons before finally they broke apart to breathe.

Aeons before breathing heavily, their noses brushing gently, their gazes met once more.

„Lightning..." the dark haired hunter breathed his loved one´s name.

His voice, it failed him halfway through.

Caius Ballad, the man going to go down in history as the one who destroyed the world, rendered speechless by the beauty of that precious moment.

„Caius?" the pink haired female answered curiously.

There was a tiny note of concern leaking into her voice already as looking up into her companion´s eyes she was met with confusion, with bewilderment.

„Caius, what´s wrong?" she almost blurted, suddenly alarmed at her lover´s sad expression.

The purple haired hunter though, he only shook his head, as gently pushing her away a bit he gave one of his frustrated sighs.

The finger´s of his right hand pensively trailing down the long well healed scar on the pink haired females slender side, she had received from those pack of Gorgonopsid´s the second she had been born into his world, a thin silver line glittering under the shine of Cocoon, Caius Ballad briefly averted his gaze, before finally, his eyes came up to contemplatively meet her pale blue ones again.

„How come you can be with me like that?" he asked. His words suddenly grave and his voice suddenly so infinitely drenched with sadness.

„How can you even look at me?!"

The pink haired warrior, she only stared.

„How come you don´t hate me?!"

Stared helplessly at the man infront of her, as her brain worked hard to grasp the situation. To understand what suddenly was going on.

„You should hate me..."

Her companion´s voice suddenly full of pain and of regret, it where those last few words of his that finally made something inside her click in place.

That finally made her understand what he was actually talking about.

That made her bring up both her hands to gently cup his face.

„Caius, I love you..." she whispered in the darkness, her lips forming those words as if it was the most natural thing for her to say in the world, her voice it didn´t waver and her words, they were sincere.

The purple haired man so close to her, he only pulled away to shake his head.

„I don´t derserve your love." was all that he could say.

His eyes coming up to meet her gaze, those deep dark pools of purple, they were full of remorse, of regret.

„I took everything away from you. From everybody. It was me who put you through all of this in the first place. I mean I even... I even killed you..."

His voice breaking at the last part, Lightning realized she couldn´t watch much longer.

„Caius..."

Letting her voice trail off she straightened up to gently cup his face again.

„I´d rather die a hundred times than never having met you at all."

It was all that she was able to say.

It was everything he needed to hear.

His eyes a crazy mess of pain, regret, of confusion, of relieve, of affection, of awe, the purple haired guardian, he didn´t know what to say.

It didn´t matter.

The pink haired woman´s lips coming down to capture his once more, the two of them met in a passionate kiss instead.

The guardian´s hands sneaking around his companion´s back to pull her closer, the feeling of his body, his skin against her own making pleasant shivers running up and down her spine, the way his chest gently moved against her own with every breath he took...

The taste of his lips against her´s...

The way she felt her body melting away under his touch...

The way she felt his hands there on her belly, her chest, her sides...

She realised she wanted more.

Needed more.

Needed him.

Closer...

She needed to be closer to him.

Her slender feminine fingers wandering down to his abdomen and to the front of his trousers, ready to start working on the buckle of his belt, the sudden touch of her companion´s hand atop of her´s, it made the pink haired female stop to look up at him mid action.

„Lightning... Please... You know I´ll do anything you want me to... But... Are you sure you really want this?" the guardian to be inquired carefully.

He had no intention to actually push her away, to hurt her.

But he had no intention to let her do something she might regret later either.

„I´m sure."

Lightning´s answer came almost instantly.

And it was true.

She had never been surer of herself, her actions, ever before.

Never had she wanted anything as badly as she wanted him.

Never had she needed anything as badly as she needed him.

Never had anything ever felt that right before.

And it was looking up into those familiar amethyst eyes, dark deep pools of purple gazing straight into her soul, smothering her, drowning her, that suddenly the world around themselves stopped turning once again.

Trust...

She trusted him.

More than anything.

Trusted him not to hurt her.

Not to let her down.

Ever.

And she knew that it was wrong.

Was wrong in every possible way she could imagine.

Was wrong because of the timeline, because of the future, because of everything she knew was real...

Knew, that all those things she did, all those things she´d done already were going to doom her. Her and Serah, the future, the timeline...

But somehow it didn´t matter...

Didn´t matter anymore.

There was nothing she could do against it.

The damage was already done.

It was collateral.

Constants and variables.

The remainder of their clothes soon discarded to a heap on the ground somewhere next to them, there were only the stars above to witness both their lips, their hearts, their worlds collide, only the darkness of the sleeping steppe to listen to her soft small moans, to listen to his stifled gasps, those tiny words of affection, and the breathless whispers of their lover´s names.

The world around them standing still forever, slowly melting away into a smeary blur, a blur of emotions, and feelings and pleasant sensations, Etro´s fallen champion, she gently closed her eyes. Loosing herself in her lover´s touch.

The darkness.

The Chaos in her very heart.

For once embracing it, instead of trying to defy it.

To fight it.

To conquer it.

And suddenly.

Finally.

For the very first time ever in her life.

She felt complete.

---

Eternity: A moment standing still forever.

James Montgomery

---

And in this moment, I swear we were infinite.

- the Perks of being a Wallflower (altered)

---

( FFXIII-2 OST – Yeul´s Theme (Lala Version) )

It was quiet in the Steppe now.

The hovering form of Cocoon immersing the world beneath it in it´s pale silver sheen, for a few long minutes there, Lightning half expected time to freeze and the world around them to crumble into Chaos.

But somehow nothing happened.

The enormous grasslands streching out as vast as ever and the stars still shining bright above, everything was still the same, was still like it was supposed to be.

Weird...

She was lying half on top of him.

With their feet touching gently and her head resting on his chest to listen to his heartbeat, she was still lying in his arms there, ready to forget the world.

The way his chest moved up and down with every breath he took, the way he held her, the way his face was burried in her hair, the way their legs were still entangled, the way he was just there with her, she knew that she belonged to him.

To him.

And nobody else.

Listening to the soft autum breeze gently whispering in the dry high grass around them, that soothing sound interrupted only by the tender rustle of the nearby oak tree´s leaves, the pink haired warrior with her eyes shut tight, she let her body relax against her companion´s chest completely.

Finally letting go of her past, those strains, those horrors...

All those terrible things she had had to endure...

Suddenly they seemed so far away.

Didn´t even seem real.

Seemed like nothing but a bad dream, a nightmare she had had a very long time ago.

And it was for the first time there in what had to be half an eternity that she felt whole again.

That she felt at peace with the world.

With herself.

And suddenly she knew that allowing herself to love Caius Ballad, it had been the right decision.

Had been the right decision on so many levels.

Or was it?

Maybe there was no right and wrong at all...

Maybe there hadn´t been from the beginning.

Maybe she didn´t even care anymore...

Propping herself up on her ellbows, the pink haired female carefully made to look into her lover´s eyes.

Kind caring amethyst eyes.

The pale light of Cocoon reflecting in them, those pools of deep dark purple, they lovingly twinkled back at her, twinkled just like the stars above.

Her own set of very personal stars...

Dark obsidian jewels, smoldering in the sourrounding darkness of the Archylte Steppe.

They met her´s with a curious stare.

A soft smile ghosting over the corners of his lips, Lightning didn´t bother resisting the urge to kiss them again.

The feeling of her companion´s lips against her´s, somehow she didn´t seem to get enough of it.

Like ever.

Slowly drawing away again to study his face, his eyes, his nose, the handsome shape of his jaw, her gaze slowly trailing downwards to shamelessly roam the rest of his body, she found herself lingering at the set of prominent scars decorating the hunter´s thorso.

A few whitish streaks standing out against the darker shade of his sun tanned skin.

„What happened to you...?" the timetraveller started, carefully trailing one of those marks with her right hand´s index finger.

And for a few seconds it was quiet again.

The silence only broken by the rustling sound of the dry brown grass softly swaying in the autumn breeze, it took almost half a minute for the guardian to find his voice.

„Nothing... Just a little hunting accident." he said. One of his hands coming down to find her own, she felt the other tracing pleasant patterns somewhere on the small of her back.

The pink haired warrior, she only gave a tiny snort.

„You´re calling that `nothing´?" she said somewhat incredulously, as she continued piercing him with her inquisitive stare.

Caius Ballad sighed in defeat.

Okay...

If she had to insist...

„I´m not nearly as good a hunter as Caine is. And I never was." the guardian started somehow tentatively. The way his hand tightened around her significantly smaller one, she could tell it wasn´t exactly a pleasant memory.

„I was still in my teens when this happened. I was out in the western parts of the steppe with the others... Did some exploring, you know, crawling into crevices, raiding some caves. Kenji and the others, they made a game out of it, a dare..."

„Anyway... Made some stupid mistakes and got myself cornered by a Faeryl." the guardian revealed.

„Turned out teasing a sleeping dragon wasn´t the best of ideas..."

There was a small chuckle coming from his side followed by another tiny sigh.

Then silence.

„If it weren´t for Caine I wouldn´t be lying here with you, I guess." he added somewhat pensively.

„Anyway the damage was done... Faeryl´s fangs are poisonous. I almost didn´t make it. Took me ages to get back on my legs again."

The pink haired warrior, she only stared at him, her eyes huge as she took in the information.

Attacked and injured by a Faeryl...

No this definitely didn´t qualify as `nothing´.

„The worst injury I received in my entire life... Besides the one you gave me of course..." the guardian to be said carefully motioning at the still not completely healed wound sitting there right at his shoulder.

Although the wound had closed alright, the skin around was still bruised, slightly swollen, surely sensitive as hell.

Yes, she knew he could still feel it, knew that it still hurt.

She could clearly see it in the way he held himself, in the way he moved.

That blasted wound...

He´d probably feel it for the rest of his life.

The pink haired warrior flinching as if hit in the face, it was almost instantly that she averted her gaze, suddenly ashamed at her past self´s own behaviour.

„I´m sorry...I..." she started awkwardly.

The purple haired man in front of her, he just silenced her with his lips again.

„Stop excusing yourself... It´s in the past..." he whispered against her skin.

„I forgive you."

I forgive you...

Those words, they weighted heavy on her heart.

Could she ever forgive him for what he had done in her past?

For what he was going to do in his future?

She wasn´t sure...

Maybe she already had.

Maybe she didn´t care anymore.

Maybe she hadn´t for quite some time now.

---

I want to believe that to love is a choice.

For when I glanced at you for the very first time, I had all the chance to look away.

But I chose to look a second longer.

And there, my world has alienated every single concept that I knew about choice.

You are my constant in an ever changing world.

You are my today and all of my tomorrows.

And I am yours.

I am yours as the stars belong to the sky.

And I am yours as the rivers belong to the sea.

I am yours as your tears belong to your eyes.

And I am yours as your lungs belong to the pattern in which you breathe.

- Christopher Poindexter (altered)

---

Time continued onwards.

The pale silver moon called Coccoon looking down on the surface of Grand Pulse, immersing the world below in it´s cool whitish sheen, it was a clear cloudless sky that stretched out over the Archylte Steppe, a fresh autumn night covering those vast plain lands.

They still lay there together.

Hidden in the covers of their secret sanctuary.

The soft autumn breeze caressing the tall high grass of those endless fields as gently as ever, it was already carrying a note of winter, already felt cool against their naked skins.

It was long after midnight when finally the pink haired warrior shifted her weight to get up, her plans diverted instantly by two strong arms closing tightly around her upper body.

The purple haired guardian, he had no intention of letting her go anytime soon it seemed.

„Caius... It´s getting cold." the slender female argued, as tentatively trying to free herself from her companion´s tight embrace, she looked up at him appologetically.

The guardian to be breathing a sigh of relief, it was only reluctantly that he agreed to relax his muscles.

„Sorry... For a moment there I thought you were going to run away from me again." he explained, suddenly feeling foolish for expecting such a thing.

Lightning only stared into his eyes.

There was another rustle of dry leaves and the cry of an owl somewhere in the distance.

„No... I´m done running." she finally said.

Her voice was serious.

Her eyes sincere.

And the both of them knew that it was true.

She was done running.

Was he...?

„Okay. Then let´s go back to the village." the guardian encouraged as waiting for her to get up he searched the dark Steppe´s ground around them for their clothes.

The pink haired warrior, she didn´t move an inch.

Looking back at his companion´s face, Caius Ballad found her pretty pale blue eyes fixed on his with a kind and loving smile sitting on her pink soft lips.

„Are you okay?" he asked somewhat confusedly.

It was only seconds before he felt her lips ontop of his once more.

„I don´t remember ever feeling any better." she whispered once she pulled away.

They shared another short meaningful glance before finally the pink haired woman moved to get up on her feet.

Coming to stand right next to her, for a few tiny minutes the purple haired hunter just watched.

Watched her slender female fingers combing through her pretty tresses as she tried to tame the pink mess that was her hair into something representable.

Tearing himself away, it took the guardian some time to locate all their clothes somewhere scattered in the grass around them.

„Here..." he said as carefully he handed her her shirt and undies before turning away again he silently made to dress himself.

„Caius... Thank you."

It was really all that she seemed fit to say.

---

The way back to the village had never been so short.

Her legs suddenly carrying her weight with no effort at all, it almost felt like flying the way they seemed to dance beneath her body.

Was this even real, or was it just a dream?

Breathing in the fresh clean air around her, she realized she felt released, felt free.

She had never felt so free before...

Reaching the tall wooden gates of the small hunter´s village in seemingly no time at all, Lightning wasn´t sure her feet had touched the ground at all.

Her legs moving completely on their own, it was without even thinking that she made to take down the path to Cara´s hut.

„Hey, what are you doing?" the guardian called after her almost instanly.

Watching her turn onto the path he knew led to his sister´s hut, Caius Ballad couldn´t help but reach out to catch his lover´s wrist.

Turning around to meet her companion´s baffled stare, the pink haired female wrinkled her eyebrows as if he had just said something incredibly stupid.

„I´m going to get some sleep." she replied incredulously.

„You... You don´t have to sleep at Cara´s..." The hunter offered carefully.

„You could stay with me... If you want to?!"

The way he had said this making it sound more like a question, Caius Ballad knew the woman sensed his insecurities, his apprehension.

Still...

He couldn´t help it.

He still couldn´t believe she was letting him in, was still waiting for her to push him away, for that hand of her´s to slap his cheek any second now.

But it never happened.

The pretty woman there in front of him, she simply blushed instead.

And her slightly confused smile just widened.

„Okay."

---

Time goes by so fast.

Faster most times than you´d like it.

It moves so swift when we´re together,

Moves so slow when we´re apart.

Stops moving alltogether sometimes,

when you turn to look into my eyes,

when you reach out to touch my heart.

---

„Come on, hurry up!"

The sky was obscured behind a thick blanket of dark grey clouds and there was icy cold rain whipping against the skin of their cheeks.

The guardian to be tugging at his companion´s wrist to make her run faster it was taking a short distant sprint that they hurried down the pebbly path to safety.

They´d gotten caught in the rain the second they had entered the village´s wooden walls and it was with their bodies shivering and their clothes and hair soaked with water that finally they reached Caius Ballad´s hut.

It was Kaj´nja-Taa.

The last day of fading autumn, the day that marked the beginning of another winter.

All the preperations had been made already.

And the residents of the hunter´s village were ready for the colder season to come.

Soon the steppe would be covered in a blanket of crystal white snow and it´s numerous creeks trapped under a layer of ice. The tall high grass would wilt to dust to be spread with the chilly cold winds and the once proud trees would loose their leaves completely to one day sprout new ones.

Spring. Summer. Autum. Winter.

Seasons.

Another cylce of it´s own...

Just like those greens, their lives, they were the leaves growing on the giant tree of destiny.

Wilting, dying, fading, to someday be born anew, afresh.

Some day in the future.

Some day in the past.

„Puh that was close." The guardian huffed as he closed the wooden front door of his hut behind them with a final thud.

„You´re calling that close?!" the pink haired female motioned at her completely drenched clothes.

Caius Ballad only gave a tiny chuckle, moved over to her side, gently starting to undress her as he made to open the buckles of those leather straps that held her sword.

Etro´s fallen champion, she didn´t move an inch, only questioningly raised an eyebrow at her companion´s actions.

„What?! You really should get rid of those clothes... They´re soaked." he justified them instantly. „You wouldn´t want to catch a cold before winter has even begun."

„Sure..." the pink haired female acknowledged somewhat sceptically as she let the guardian take off her shirt and pants to leave her standing in her underwear.

She was almost expecting him to undress her completely, already expected to feel his fingers on her skin again, was waiting for it actually, but the guardian to be, he simply turned away from her to cross the room instead.

The pink haired time traveller, she only watched in silence as the man she loved took over to the other side of the room to rummage through his cupboard until he produced another dark worn piece of fabric.

„Here..." he said encouraginly as coming back to her he handed her what she realised was one of his own shirts.

„You can wear this in the meantime..."

She accepted it with an appreciative nod before she pulled the `slightly´ oversized garment over her head.

On her slender female frame, the guardian´s shirt, it looked more like a dress.

Lightning found she didn´t care.

It was warm and soft and smelled like him...

Perfect.

„You think wheather will clear by the time of the feast?" she started as turning back to her stuff now scattered on the table she rummaged through her dark brown leather pouch to take a look at what they´d managed to gather earlier that day.

It wasn´t exactly as much as she had hoped for.

„I hope so." came the guardian´s response from the other side of the room.

„Well at least we have those berries Cara asked for." Lightning said, sounding somewhat disappointed at their meager yield.

They had spent almost all day in the forest looking for plants and roots and herbs for the busy purple haired nurse, but with winter waiting on the doorstep it wasn´t exactly easy to come by with a lot of supplies.

Retrieving said fruit from inside a little leather pouch, she gently let them roll into her open palm.

They were small. Red. Juicy.

Lightning had absolutely no idea for what kind of medication Cara would actually use these, but she knew they weren´t much. Weren´t as much as her companion´s sister had expected...

Finally putting the tiny plants back into their bag, the pink haired female let her eyes trail back to the guardian to be now busy disposing of his clothes, admiring his body as she watched a single raindrop fall from his hair and onto his shoulder, making it´s way over his chest and down to his perfect abs.

No... She still couldn´t believe all the things that had happened between them, all the things they had done.

Couldn´t believe she was his...

Caius...

The subject of her musings catching her stare, he just gave her one of his loving smiles.

Caius Ballad...

Watching as he put on a clean dry shirt, the pink haired warrior returned the gesture.

She simply loved it.

That smile of his...

A simple guesture...

That upwards curve of his lips...

The way it touched his eyes, lit up his entire face...

Somehow Lightnig couldn´t get enough of it.

Of him.

The man with the handsome smile, adjusting his fresh shirt to appoach her, he shamelessly opened her bag to steal some of those precious berris they had gathered on their trip to he forest.

„Hey, they are for Cara!" Lightning barked, instantly slapping his hand away.

The insolent male only gave another chuckle.

„We´ll find new ones." he said, stuffing them into his mouth.

„There´re still plenty of them in the woods."

Lightning only gave him a scowl as she felt her temper rising.

That arrogant bastard.

What was he thinking?!

She hadn´t spent the whole day out there on her legs just for him to eat their harvest!

How could he...

The hunter´s hand reaching into her pouch again, the pink haired female had already opened her mouth in protest, ready to give him a piece of her mind when suddenly she felt one of the berries shoved onto her tongue.

Those words of protest getting lodged somewhere inside her throat, her pale blue eyes went huge the second she felt her tastebuds explode in a burst of the berry´s sweet exotic taste.

Omg... Now she understood...

„They´re good, huh?" the guardian asked looking at her expectantly.

Her answer was drowned out by a deafening growl of thunder and the bright blazing flash of her namesake tearing the darkness of the clouds above.

„We better stay inside for a while..." the guardian suggested carefully.

Lightning found she couldn´t help but agree.

Spending a rainy day inside, the two of them huddled together under their fluffy sheepskin blanket...

She couldn´t exactly imagine a better way to spend her freetime, could she?

---

Everyone says that love hurts.

But that´s not true.

Loneliness hurts.

Rejection hurts.

Losing someone hurts.

Envy hurts.

Everyone gets these tings confused with love.

But in reality,

love is the only thing in this world that covers up all pain

and makes someone feel whole again.

Love is the only thing in this world that does not hurt.

- Origin unknown

---

If everything´s a dream, don´t wake me.

- Cloud Strife (FFVII)

---

Kaj´nja-Taa.

The end of season.

The beginning of winter...

It was one of those rare occasions that was celebrated with a feast.

The preperations for it had been going on for some days now.

Lightning and Caius had watched them passing on the main street on their way out into the Steppe.

Some of the men putting up makeshift benches and tables...

Women and children busily crafting decorations...

With all the preperations for winter done and the land around them going barren and dry, there wasn´t exactly much else the people of the Archylte Steppe had to look forward to.

The weather clearing in time for the celebrations to take their course, they probably could have been seen from Cocoon, those large blazing fires where the hunters burned the dry rotten leaves and those half withered branches. And it could be smelled from miles away, those crisp roasted game broiling over low sizzling flames.

Things were nothing like Lightning remembered from the first feast she had experienced there at the small hunter´s village.

Instead of fancy cute summer dresses and thin cotton shorts, people wore thick fur lined coats, wore long buckskin trousers and high Shaolong Gui leathered boots. The game roasting on it´s giant skewer was deer instead of Behemoth and decorative garlands that had been flashing with bioluminescent flowers of all colours back at Kenji and Imani´s wedding were now made of multicoloured broad dried leaves.

The pink haired warrior slowly making her way over the small market place, past one of those bright warming fires and a crowd of chatting elderly women, she glimpsed her companion up on the first platform of the main building, talking to an already tipsy looking Kenji.

Caius...

Her purple haired lover obviously deep in conversation with his follow hunter giving one of his trademark amused smirks, Lightning couldn´t help but crack a small but content smile.

Watching her companion interact with his friend so carefree, so lightheartedly, she realised she was happy.

Was happy with him.

Happier than she had ever been before.

And it was more and more often these days that she thought that maybe she belonged here after all.

That she belonged here with Caius in this long forgotten past.

This past...

A place she could be happy.

Content.

Safe.

A place where both of them were happy.

Because surely Caius had to be happy too...

He definitely looked like it.

She had never seen him this happy before, had she?

This past...

This place...

It was nothing but an illusion though, or was it?

A paradox...

Created by the gods themselves...

Her feet moving as if on their own, it was slowly that she made past the few market booths, letting her eyes glide over the goods on display.

She had seen Caine before.

Had caught him throwing her some nasty glances...

Yes... This place it wasn´t perfect after all.

But well... At least he hadn´t come over, hadn´t seemed eager to do her any harm.

And the rest of the tribe...

They didn´t pay her any attention either.

No curious glances, no hard stares, no scowls anymore...

It seemed people had gotten used to her as well.

Accepted her presence...

Somehow.

Reaching a booth cramped with an especially high amount of weird things she couldn´t really discern the use of, her eyes suddenly got caught by a tiny sparkling something burried underneath a heap of junk.

Reaching out with her hands to remove something that looked a lot like a small ancient hand mill it took only a few seconds before she had the thing exposed.

The sight of it, it made her hand pull away as if burned.

It was a tiny polished pendant in the shape of Cocoon...

Just like the one Snow had bought for Serah as an engagement present.

Serah...

What was it doing here?!

„Beautiful pendant isn´t it?!" an old wrinkled woman, the vendor, suddenly said out of nowhere.

Lightning couldn´t helt but stare.

That old hag, where had she come from?

She could have sworn she had been alone a second ago...

„You can have it for that leather pouch of yours..." the woman offered carefully, motioning at Lightning´s bag she had taken from the hunter´s armoury what now seemed ages ago.

„It´s more than a fair trade, don´t you think?"

The pink haired warrior, she only shook her head.

„No... Thank you."

She had seen enough.

„I have no use for it."

Swallowing the lump that had suddenly started to form there in her throat, Lightning quickly turned her back on it.

This necklace...

Serah...

Snow...

They were in the past.

Weren´t there anymore.

Not part of her life anymore.

They wouldn´t even be born until a thousand years.

There was no use in thinking about them anymore.

No use mourning her loss.

She had finally come to terms with her past.

With the future.

This wasn´t the time to think about what was, what would, what could have been.

No...

It was time to focus on the present instead.

To just live.

To enjoy the pleasures of the moment as long as they would last.

Yes... It was finally way time to say good bye to her demon´s. To bury them...

Time to settle...

Time to let go...

„Hey, are you okay?"

The guardian to be approaching her with a slightly concerned expression on his face, looking up into his caring amethyst eyes, Lightning couldn´t help but smile.

Yes...

It was time to let go.

Let go forever...

Reaching out to gently take her lover´s hand she gave a tiny but determined nod.

„Yes." she said, giving his slightly bigger hand a tiny squeeze.

„I´m fine."

It wasn´t a pretense.

It was sincere.

She was fine.

More than fine.

For a second there she had felt it, the despair, the pain, the grief, that had been plaquing her for such a long time reaching out for her once more.

But it was gone and suddenly so far away the second she had seen his face.

The past, it was still there somewhere.

Would always be there.

Lurking somewhere in the shadows of her soul.

But it was okay.

It was over.

It wasn´t important anymore.

As long as he was with her it´d be alright.

As long as he was with her it´d be okay.

She´d be okay...

He was her family now.

He was where she belonged.

Yes...

She belonged with him...

Only him.

„Here... I´ve got something for you." the man she loved suddenly said, unexpectedly pulling out a small pink something from within one of his garment´s many pockets.

Taking a look closer Lightning realized it were some of the hunter´s trademark hand crafted tribal beads the inhabitants of that small village used to carry in their hair.

They were several shades of pink with tiny white ones in between and a small rosy feather at the end.

„I... I thougt it ´d match your hair." the guardian to be said somewhat tentatively.

„Thank you..." the pink haired warrior choked out, blushing as she let him put the token of affection into her pinkish strands.

She didn´t exactly know what to say.

„Do you like it?" the man infront of her asked carefully.

„It´s beautiful. I love it." she replied.

And it was true.

She loved it.

She loved everything about it.

Everything about him.

And it was bringing up her hands to rest them at his shoulders that she stood up on her tip toes to gently press her lips against his.

Just because she felt like it.

Just because she wanted to feel their touch on her´s.

And she just loved it.

The gentle way that he responded.

The gentle way she felt his breath tickling the skin of her cheek.

The gentle way he just wrapped his arms around her to just hold her close.

Loved the warmth of his embrace.

And it was slowly pulling away again that she remembered they were standing among a crowd of people, that she realised that somehow nobody was staring.

That somehow nobody seemed to mind.

Yes... Maybe people really had accepted her.

Had put up with her presence.

Had put up with the fact that she was with Caius now.

That she was one of them.

„Come on, let´s get ourselves something to eat." the guardian to be suggested, as releasing her upper body he made to take her hand instead.

„Okay." the pink haired female agreed.

That roasted deer...

She already felt her mouth water at the thought of it.

---

„Hey! There you are!" Cara Ballad´s voice greeted the two of them the second that they reached one of those warm crackling fires.

„I´ve been searching the crowd for you two for ages! Where have you been?!"

Grabbing her brother´s upper arm, the busty nurse instantly steered him away and closer to the fire, closer to the elderly man busily cutting down meat and handing it out on ancient wodden plates, away from the pink haired warrior´s tiny hand.

Her companion sending her an appologetic glance, Lightning only gave him a reassuring smile.

It was okay for her.

It was normal for his sister to want to spend some time with him.

She´d just wait there patiently for the two of them to come back, hoping for the guardian to get her something to eat as well.

Sure, she still felt a little uncomfortable in the crowd.

Still felt a little out of place.

But he was there only a few meter away.

Where she could still see him.

And she was glad too.

She still wasn´t sure what the other villager´s thought of her...

It was a pleasant high pitched femal voice, that made her snap out of her musings.

„Hey, you... Lightning, right?! Where did you get those?"

The pink haired time traveller looking up with a start, not sure whether those words had really been directed at her, or somebody else really, she suddenly found herself infront of a pretty fair haired woman, sceptically staring down at her.

It was Imani.

„Huh?!"

Not sure what it was that tall blond woman meant exactly, Lightning only creased her forehead.

„Those beads... Where did you get them..." Imani asked again, motining at the warrior´s new acquired present.

There was something hard, something stern there in her voice, something that suddenly melted away the second she found the pink haired timetraveller looked over at the guardian to be.

„I see..." the fair haired female whispered carefully, before finally she averted her gaze.

It was only for a second though, as she looked up again soon afterwards, a tiny friendly smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

„He chose you then..." she said somehow carefully.

Lightning only gave her one of her critical stares.

She really wasn´t sure what to make of this.

What to make of that woman, she knew was supposed to be her lover´s wife...

„It´s okay... It really is." Imani added pensively.

„Just... I don´t know... Take care of him."

She wasn´t sure but Lightning thought she saw a single tiny tear glittering in the corner of the woman´s eyes.

„I will." the pink haired female promised.

It was all Kenji´s spouse needed to hear.

And it was giving a tiny appreciative nod that she was off again. Vanishing among the pushing and shoving of the celebrating crowd.

The woman´s words...

They lingered though.

Caius had chosen her, she had said.

But had it really been a choice?

Had he really acted of his free will?

Or was it just fate that had been drawing the two of them together...

Suddenly she wasn´t sure anymore.

„Hey! Come on let´s sit over there!" Cara suddenly piped up from right behind her, making the pink haired female jump.

Turning around she found Cara and Taj and Caius waiting for her to join them at their table, the latter of them carrying two plates of food and throwing her a curious glance.

„Yes... Sure." the pink haired female answered, as walking over to the table, she let herself drop down onto the bench righ next to him.

Caius Ballad.

The man she loved.

---

(FFXIII-2 OST – Noel´s Theme: Lala Version)

It was several hours later and the fires once blazing high up in the sky were already burned down to cozy knee high flames, sure, they´d be reduced to embers soon.

The majority of the villagers, they didn´t seem to care.

Some of the younger residents dancing to a joyful tune provided by a band of elderly man playing on some weird foreign instruments, Lightning still hadn´t bothered to learn the name of, Cara and Taj busy making out on one of the makeshift benches propped around the fire, the pink haired warrior for once relaxing her tired joints and muscles, she just sat there in the grass, listening to the pleasant soothing sound of music.

The guardian to be, he sat there right behind her. With her back leaning against this chest and his arms tightly wrapped around her body to make sure to keep her warm, the once fierce ex soldier, she quietly enjoyed the magic of that peaceful moment.

Her eyes trailing over the crowd of happy people, they finally got caught on Caine.

The leader of the hunters, surrounded by a bunch of girls as usual, he was sitting on the opposite side of the fire his piercing stare set on the two of them, it made chilly shiver´s run down Lightning´s spine.

The guardian to be behind her, he only gave a tiny low growl as his arms tightening protectively around the pink haired female, he met his brothers gaze with a hostile scowl.

The older Ballad, he could only shake his head.

Averting his eyes for a few short moments to talk to one of his admirerers, it was turning back to contemplatively look at them for another few seconds before quietly he raised his cup to both of them.

Lightning could hardly believe it.

Was he giving his approval?

What was going on?

Caine Ballad´s attention wandering back to his no doubt charming company, the pink haired warrior breathed a sigh of relief.

Looking around in the crowd, she found Cara giving her a confirmative smile.

Could this be real?

Could Caine Ballad really approve of his brother being with somebody from Cocoon?

It was hard to believe...

Still it was true.

She wasn´t a Cocoon citizen anymore.

She was one of them.

A hunter...

And this small hunter´s village...

It was her home.

Strange how things work out sometimes...

Those memories she had been chasing so long...

The past she had been longing to return to...

Cocoon...

Her family...

Preoccupied with finding a way back, she had almost missed her chance of finding a new home, a new family here.

Life had went on.

And the past...

The future...

The world and the people she had left behind...

They were suddenly so far away.

Far away in those vast plains of the Archylte Steppe.

In the present.

And somehow she found she didn´t even miss them anymore.

Didn´t miss her family, her friends.

Didn´t miss her job, her life or any of the futuristic stuff she had been used to have around her.

No...

She didn´t miss any of it anymore.

She was happy here.

Was happy with that simple life she had with Caius.

Yes...

Although it wasn´t much they had, they still had everything they needed.

They had themselves.

They had each other.

Sure, winter would be tough, she knew that.

The weather would get bitter cold.

Food would be scarce and game hard to find.

But she knew that they´d manage.

Somehow they´d manage.

Caius and the rest of them, they´d managed for ages...

Sure she´d somehow manage too.

Her eyes roaming the crowd once more, her gaze landed on Cara Ballad once again, the kind and caring woman who had nursed her back to life once she had landed in this godforsaken place. Lingering at the scar on her cheek, a small witish line, barely visible now in the darkness of that night, Lightning couldn´t help but smile.

She had left her mark on this world, on these times.

Had left it on Cara, on Caius, on Caine even...

Surely her actions would leave a mark in the timeline as well, or would they?

There were so many people...

So many lives her presence had effected...

So many people...

She didn´t even know their names...

„Wanna dance?" she suddenly heard her companion´s voice, gently whisering into her ear.

Slightly tilting her head to the side, Lightning felt the pleasant sensation of Caius´ skin on her own where her cheek touched his jaw.

„Oh Noo... Not again. I still have goosebumps from that last time." she giggled as she felt his breath tickle the side of her face.

„Was I that bad a dancer?" the guardian chuckled.

The pink haired warrior, she only shook her haid, a small amused smile tugging at her lips.

„I wasn´t exactly referring to you..." she said informingly. Her eyes coming up to roam the crowd for Caine once more, she found him drinking from his cup again, a beautiful girl sitting in his lap and playing with his short lavender hair.

„So no dancing?" the guardian tried tentatively.

„No... No dancing." the timetraveller replied.

„I like the way we are now..." she added somewhat dreamily.

„Me too." the hunter whispered, pulling his slender lover closer. One of his hands coming to rest ontop of her´s, he quickly interlaced their fingers, giving her´s a gentle squeeze.

They both knew that soon they wouldn´t be able to sit outside like that anymore.

It was actually getting too cold already.

Soon they´d have to keep to the safety of their small cozy hut, relying on the heat of their fires and furs of their coats to keep them warm.

The days growing shorter and shorter with every rise and dawn of the sun, giving way to winter´s endless chilly nights...

Caius Ballad...

He wouldn´t have to spend them alone anymore.

He would have someone to keep him company this time.

Someone to keep him warm.

Someone to care for.

It was a nice feeling...

To have somebody to care for.

Somebody to love.

„Oh look who´s here again..." the guardian suddenly spoke up again.

Disentangling his hand from his lover´s fingers he used them to indicate a feeble old man staggering to the front of the crowd and taking a huge swig from an half empty bottle.

A very familiar feeble looking old man...

„Oh no..." the pink haired female groaned the second that her eyes landed on him.

„Please... Not him..."

The old doter positioning himself infront of the fire ready to preach his sermon, Lightning easily recognized him from that time he had told his story about the people from Cocoon...

Somehow she was already dreading his speach.

„Wanna leave?" the attentive male behind her suggested carefully.

Etro´s fallen champion, she simply loved the way he always seemed to know exactly what she wanted.

Exactly what she needed.

„Yeah... Let´s go. It´s getting cold anyway."

---

Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becaomes a memory.

- Dr. Seuss

---

The trouble is you think you have time.

- Buddha

---

The night was dark and there were only the faint light of the stars and the flicker of the distant fires to guide their way as the two of them made down the pebbly path to Caius´ hut, that hut that somehow had become Lightning´s too. The pink haired warrior holding on tightly to her lover´s hand, she almost felt a little tipsy, as trying hard not to stumble over any rocks or roots that grew in her way, she carefully made to keep up with him.

Passing by deserted huts, their windows dark, their bedrooms empty, those ancient high oak trees, their leafs now wilting, dying, sailing to the ground and swirling in the soft cool breeze, they walked down the well trodden track the guardian to be had used what had to be a million times already.

They walked it side by side.

„You still remember our first feast?!" the guardian suddenly asked out of nowhere.

Lightning only gave a tiny snort. Shivering in her meager borrowed clothes she had only the guardian´s protective hand around her´s to keep her warm.

She loved it.

They way the touch of his skin made still made her burn.

Made her burn for more.

„Yeah sure... How am I supposed to forget?!" she replied playfully.

„It was the first feast I ever attended not being on duty!"

„You almost didn´t come." Caius Ballad threw in carefully.

„I know... I was pretty tired." she admitted.

„You where pretty drunk..." the male corrected.

„I wasn´t!" the woman argued instantly.

„You were! You almost let me kiss you!" the hunter contered, a big silly grin forcing it´s way onto his features.

The pink haired warrior stopping dead in her tracks, she only turned to scowl at him.

„I didn´t!" she exclaimed, shoving the man reaching out to take hare hands away from her.

„You did!" he persited.

The man next to her giving her a stupid smirk, Lightning instantly slapped his arm in return.

It was nothing like the way she used to hit him.

Only playful banter.

They knew.

Both of them.

Still...

Caius wasn´t going to let it go that easily.

„Ouch! It hurts when you do that... You know?!" he complained giving her a mock pained look.

She only narrowed her eyes at him.

She knew she hadn´t hurt him.

No way.

Or had she...?

„I didn´t -"

She was cut off by his lips coming down on her´s, capturing her in one of his gentle kisses she´d come to enjoy so much.

It didn´t need more to get her convinced.

„Okay... I did." she lied, just to please him.

They both knew she would have never allowed him to kiss her there, did they?

„I knew it." the guardian said triumphantly.

She only giggled at his naitivity.

She probably would have killed him there and then, had he tried anything the likes back then.

Well...

It didn´t matter now...

They were together now...

His lips coming down to kiss her once again, her arms wandering up to sneak to the back of his neck she met him halfway, pulled him closer.

Closer to her body.

Yes...

He was her´s.

And she was his.

And she was thankful...

So infinitely thankful, that somehow, for some fucked up crazy cosmic coincident and against all odds the two of them had found together.

Had found together in that long forgotten past...

„Thank you for coming back for me, Caius." the pink haired female whispered.

Their foreheads touching and their noses brushing gently, the guardian to be felt the soft skin of her lips move against his own with every word she said.

He only gave a tiny snort.

„I couldn´t have left you here. Never." he replied in his low husky voice.

„How could I have left the woman of my dreams just to serve some crazy teenage girl...?!"

Lightning only gave a tiny giggle.

One of her hands coming up to cup his cheek, she silenced her companion with another kiss.

Gently running her thumb over his cheekbone and down to his jaw, she felt the man in front her shiver, felt her companion´s arms tightening their embrace around her body.

„And what now? Will you become my guardian now?" Lightning joked smiling gainst her lover´s lips.

She loved the way she felt his breath against her face, loved the way she felt his lashes brush her skin everytime he closed his eyes.

„I´ll be whatever you want me to be, but please don´t ask me to become your enemy..." the guardian to be replied somewhat tentatively.

„Because I can´t..."

The smile on the pink haired time traveller´s lips freezing instantly, it got replaced by something sad, something lost, something pensive in a matter of seconds.

„I just can´t..." the man repeated, his voice suddenly soft, fragile, his forehead creasing in concern, in confusion, the second he pulled away to take in his lover´s sad expression.

The pink haired warrior, she felt the hands that had been caressing her back, her sides, suddenly go limb around her body.

What was it they were talking about exactly?!

„Caius..." she started tentatively, then gave a small frustrated sigh as once again words failed her.

Saying nothing then, she only took a step away to look up into his eyes instead.

Caius Ballad only stood there, his dark armethyst gaze patiently studying her pretty features, every inch of her beautifully sculpted face.

She was staring again...

Maybe into the future.

Mabe into the past.

Somewhere he couldn´t quiet reach...

„It isn´t as if there´s any choice for us..." the pink haired femaly finally said.

The words, reluctant to get out, they tasted bitter on her tongue.

Still... She knew that they were true.

The guardian to be, he just chose to look away.

Choice...

If only this were about choice...

„You will become Yeul´s guardian... And you will... Live up to do all kind of things..." reaching up to touch his cheek again, she gently made to trace his jawline with her index finger, carefully made him look up again.

„What if I don´t want to anymore?!" the guardian asked carefully.

Their eyes met.

And the intensity of his gaze, it made her back away almost instantly.

His eyes...

Burning with a weird foreign glint she couldn´t quite place, with fear, with longing.

His words...

They weighted heavy on her heart, her soul.

Of course he didn´t want to...

He really didn´t...

She didn´t want to fight him either...

Felt she couldn´t.

Still.

She had.

Tearing herself away from the sight of him, Etro´s fallen champion, she simply turned away to stare into the sky above.

She couldn´t bear to meet that gaze of his. The pain. The sadness. Leaking from those deep dark pools of purple...

She somehow couldn´t.

And she wouldn´t...

„Caius... You have to... You will... You already did..." she told him carefully. Her voice barely more than a whisper as she forced the words out of her throat.

„I remember..."

„My memories... They haven´t changed even a tiny bit since I got here. They never did..."

The guardian giving a heavy sigh, not knowing what to do, he only chose to look at her.

His eyes never leaving her face as she continued to stare up to the stars.

Why... Why did she always have to say that...

„But I..." It was all he managed to choke out before as sudden as she´d turned away, the pink haired female turned back to look at him.

The sad expression in her eyes, her face, silencing him instantly.

All traces of the happiness, the joy, that had been sparkling in her eyes just minutes ago were gone now.

Instead of twinkling with affection, those eyes were swimming in tears.

„Caius... She told you didn´t she? When you were gone... You went to see her and she told you." the timetraveller said, looking straight into his eyes.

„What did she tell you?"

The purple haired hunter´s gaze cast downwards, he only shook his head.

He so wasn´t going to talk about this now.

He so wasn´t!

„Caius!" Lightning urged.

Looking up into her pretty pale blue eyes again, he only sighed in defeat.

„Everything..." He finally gave in.

„I know everything."

The man in front of her, he only gave a small pained nod before his eyes trailed back to the ground again.

Unable to meet her gaze.

Lightning only stared at him.

„Then you know what you´ve got to do." she finally said, her voice now drenched with sadness, with regret.

„But I don´t want to!" the guardian to be protested looking up and straight back into her eyes.

Yes... He didn´t want to.

He didn´t.

She saw that.

She knew that.

Felt it.

With every fibre of her being.

Still he would.

The fact that they were breathing the same air...

The fact that they were walking the same ground...

The fact that she was still here. Here in this long forgotten past in the Archylte Steppe...

It was proof enough that he would do it.

That he had in fact done it.

A million times already...

„Caius... Please... You have to do it..." the pink haired female started.

Her voice was small.

And there were tiny sobs threatening to sneak into her words.

„It´s the only way for us to be together... If you won´t do it... I won´t even show up here..."

„If you won´t do it, the world isn´t going to grumble into Chaos..."

„Nothing... Nothing of this would ever happen..."

Her hands reaching out to find his, she carefully made to interlace their fingers, carefully gave his a gentle little squeeze.

„We are living in a paradox right now... You know that..."

„If you won´t do it... Everything we have here... Everything we´ve done... Everything we´ve become... All our time here spent together... Everything will cease to exist... Will collapse into nothingness..."

„And I don´t want that..."

The purple haired hunter looking down´t at their hands entwined, his companion´s delicate feminine fingers, so much smaller than his own, he slowly brought up his thumb to caress the back of her hand.

„I don´t wanna loose you..." the woman in front of him concluded almost pleadingly.

His gaze wandering back to her face, he found a trail of salty tears making down the alabaster skin of both her cheeks.

If only he could erase her pain...

If only he could make her smile again...

Make her whole again...

Taking a tiny step closer he disentangled one of his hands from her fingers to bring it up and brush away some of her tears with his thumb.

There had to be another way...

There had to...

A way where all those terrible things would´t have to happen.

A way he wouldn´t have to be her killer.

A way she wouldn´t have to shed those tears.

A way she wouldn´t emerge broken and burned.

A way without Chaos...

„Things can change." the guardian tried.

His voice was soothing and calming.

His words selected carefully.

„They can´t. The future, it is set in stone..." his companion started instantly.

„It already happened... I was there."

„That´s what she told us right? I don´t pay it." the man insisted.

„Things can change!"

The pink haired female, she only shook her head.

„There´s no way. Once the Chaos is contained, there is no way for me to go back in time! If you change the future, you change the past! " she argued.

„Yeah exactly... If we change our future, we change your past! If time revolves in circles than it is as simple as that!" the guardian threw in.

„No it isn´t! One mistake here... Just one step in the wrong direction and I won´t even show up here don´t you get it?" Lightning said, almost shouting at him now.

Her lips trembling with another wave of stifled sobs, there were tears coming from her eyes again.

She was getting worked up again.

Caius could tell.

„If you don´t kill me... And the Chaos isn´t released from Valhalla... I´m not going to show up here and change things in the first place... Putting us right back to where we started from!"

„Back to Valhalla..."

Her hands reaching out to grab his coat somewhere at his shoulders, she had him at arms lenght in no time, her nostrils flaring wildly and her blue eyes blazing angrily as she started to push him away again.

„I mean who knows how often we have tried this already?! Probably infinite times... Sending us right back to where we started without having achieved anything... Anything at all! Infinite times!" she was screaming in his face now. Her fingernails digging deep into his shoulders as desperately she tried to shake him.

Her emotional outburst leaving him completely unimpressed, Caius Ballad only leaned forward to cup both her cheeks.

„Then I´ll just keep trying." he insisted looking deep into her eyes.

„What for?!" the woman there in front of him, she was really crying now, tears streaming down her face and into his waiting palms.

Caius Ballad...

He didn´t intend to let her go.

He´d never let her go.

Never.

„This timeline will collapse into nothingness the second you choose not to become Yeul´s guardian!" the woman cried, her voice a trembling mess, her word´s barely able to make out anymore.

„We´ll just be gone... Just like that. And nothing will be changed." she sobbed.

„Then let´s just make this time one of those..." the guardian whispered pleadingly staring into her wide blue eyes.

„What does it matter?!"

Lightning only stared at him. Her mouth slightly agape as she digested what he had just said.

„I´d rather have this timeline collapse into nothingness than fight you... Kill you... I cant! I couldn´t! Not in a million years! I can´t!"

It was his turn to break down in tears now.

Those tears...

They were starting to make their way onto his cheeks already.

There was nothing he could do to stop them.

There were no pale skinned female fingers coming up to brush them off.

No soft pinkish lips to kiss them away this time.

His chest constricting in pain, his breathing strangely hitched, the purple haired hunter noticed the hands holding her face were terribly shaking now.

„Caius..."

The pink haired female gave a painful sigh.

It was no use.

There was nothing she could do to change fate.

Nothing.

Nothing she could do to mend his pain.

No.

She had finally accepted it.

Her fate.

Her destiny.

And maybe it was for the better.

It was about time anyway...

Nothing she could do would actually influence that fact, could change her dear companion´s cruel fate.

It was a curse of course.

To know what would happen eventually without a chance to interfere.

But yes... The future, it was set in stone already.

And everything she had done here, everything she still would do, would eventually lead back to the future that she knew.

It would.

Yes.

It would.

Because it had already happened.

By the time that she had left there, it had already been done.

Caius had already killed her.

Had killed everybody.

Still the thought of it, it hurt.

Letting the man she loved take down the path that would inevitably lead to nothing but his suffering, his pain.

Knowing it, but not being able to do anyting about it...

It wasn´t nice.

No.

It was torture

She didn´t want it.

Not even for a second.

Because no.

He didn´t deserve it.

Any of it.

Not at all.

And she was going to loose him.

Was loosing him right now.

Had already lost him.

All that time ago.

And he...

He had already taken those first steps...

No.

She had made him take them.

Those first steps on his descend into madness...

Would she have to witness it?

Would she still be around once his time had come to receive the heart of Chaos?

Would she be with him the day he became a L´Cie?

Would she be there to hold his hand the day they burried his first Yeul, his protégé?

Or would she fight along him in the war of Transgression?

No...

She probably wouldn´t live long enough to do any of it.

Wouldn´t be able to be there for him.

Would grow old and fade and die while he´d be roaming this planet for the next thousand years to come, cursed to live forever, his body conserved with eternal youth.

Yes...

It would probably take centuries for him to become that man, the Caius she had encountered in Valhalla all those months ago, that ancient warrior, left with only very little of the Caius she had come to know... if anything at all.

The despair, the pain, he grief of centuries, crushing him, the person he´d once been.

Their parting... It would contribute to making him the man he would become, the man she had met in her past, the man she had met there a thousand times already.

Sure it, pained her, the fact that she couldn´t be there for him, couldn´t stay with him forever. But his fate was so much bigger than her´s, she knew that.

Accepted that.

Knew he´d have to leave her.

Leave her soon.

She couldn´t change that.

Couldn´t change that it hurt.

But there was no use in whining now...

No use in denying their fate...

„You´ve got to become Yeul´s guardian, Caius... Or I won´t even show up here! Please! I can´t afford to loose you! I can´t!"

And it was true.

She couldn´t afford to loose him.

Not now that finally the two of them had found together.

That finally she felt at home, felt at peace.

She couldn´t.

Couldn´t let him go.

She needed him.

Needed him like the air to breathe.

Needed him like she had never needed anything else.

Anyone else.

No way was she going to give it up.

No way was she going to give him up.

She couldn´t.

Couldn´t live without him.

Couldn´t let him take it.

Take it from her.

Take him from her.

Never.

No matter what the future held for her...

At least for those few short months...

A few precious moments in time...

She had been happy.

Happy in a way and under circumstances she could have never imagined possible.

Those memories...

She wasn´t going to give up on them.

Nobody could take them away form her.

Ever.

She wouldn´t allow it!

„Caius please!"

„I´d rather die a thousand times, then never having met you at all!" she pleaded desperately.

„Please you promised me..."

The guardian to be, he let his head hang in defeat and his hands dropped to uselessly dangle at his side.

„You promised me..." the pink haired female reminded him again.

And it pained him.

Pained him a lot.

The fact that she wanted him to leave her.

To leaver her and become Yeul´s guardian, a L´Cie, a madman, a monster.

A killer.

Her killer.

„Everbody has their own fate to fulfill..."

How could she possibly ask this from him?

How?!

How was he supposed to do that.

To do that to the one he loved?!

Why...

Why did she have to ask him to do this...

Taking a step forward he just reached out to wrap his arms around her.

Pulling her close, holding her tightly to his body, he burried his face deep into her soft pink hair.

Taking in her scent, the feeling of the skin of her cheeks, her tears against his neck...

He felt he couldn´t look at her.

Couldn´t look into her eyes.

„I can´t... I can´t abandon you... I can´t leave you behind... I... I just can´t..." he sobbed into her pinkish strands.

„Caius..." gently tearing herself away from him, Etro´s fallen champion looked up to touch his chin.

„Please..."

Her hands coming up to both his cheeks she held his head with both her hands, made him look up into her wet blue eyes.

Raging oceans.

Deep.

Pale.

Blue.

„We will meet again. You know that." she started carefully. Her eyes never leaving his. Not even for a second.

„I know it will be centuries... But we will meet again. I will be there, remember?"

Caius Ballad only closed his eyes.

More of those hot salty tears making down his cheeks, the pink haired warrior, she found his face contorted in pain at the thought of what she wanted him to do, at the prospect of having to part.

But it wouldn´t be forever, right?

Yes...

Her body might die and fade, their hearts might break, but they´d see each other again.

A thousand years into the future.

They would meet again.

Would meet again as enemies.

Where they´d make history repeat itself.

To keep the wheels of fate there turning.

So they could end up there in the past together in the first place.

Spring. Summer. Autumn. Winter.

An endless cycle.

Constantly repeating itself.

The timeline...

Protecting it, was the burden destined for them both to carry.

Wasn´t it?

„You won´t know me! You won´t even recognize me!" the guardian sobbed. His eyes swimming, his face wet with tears, his and her´s alike, his voice shaking terribly, it finally broke there at the last few words.

The man she loved standing right in front of her, eyes puffy and red, lips trembling, hands shaking, he looked deep into her eyes.

Desperately.

Pleadingly.

Lightning couldn´t bear to look at him.

Couldn´t bear to face his pain.

Her eyes wandering up to the nightsky instead, for the first time since she´d had the pleasure of watching it she realised the stars above were dead.

Were barren and empty.

Lifeless.

It was only the light from the sun reflected on their smooth surface that carried towards them.

Just like with Cocoon.

An emty hollow shell.

That reflection...

It was the only thing that was left of them...

Caius Ballad helplessly watched her profile as his thoughts drifted away as well.

He knew Lightning didn´t believe there was a way to change things.

Knew she thought he had to do all those things in order for the two of them to be together.

In order for the two of them to be reunited.

In order for the two of them to be happy again.

But somehow he wasn´t so sure.

Surely there had to be a way...

There HAD to.

If only he could find it...

---

Sometimes I wish I could stop time.

To freeze it.

Perserve it.

To keep all the lovely things that are around me.

Moments.

Memories.

Contained forever in their eternal splendour.

But time keeps going and things keep getting lost.

And even the one moment that you thought was your eternity fades out and is forgotten and dies.

And there is absolutely nothing you can do to change that.

Nothing.

- Jean Rhys (altered)

---

You can´t defy your fate, or can you?

---

It was quiet outside. The fires from the feast had gone out hours ago and even the last of the attendants had found their way into their cozy beds.

There was no chirring of crickets and no chirping of birds. Only the eerie sound of the cool autumn wind, rattling at the tiny hut´s wooden boards and the soft tiny breaths of the woman lying next to him to listen to.

It was late and the silver light of Cocoon was shining through the cracked window illuminating his lover´s pretty face as he made to watch her sleeping form.

Sleep...

This night it seemed to successfully evade him.

Caius Ballad knew Lightning was right.

Knew...

Knew they had only very little time together.

Knew he needed to savour it.

Not waste it with mulling over things he couldn´t change.

He knew all that.

And he had tried.

Had tried so hard to just let it go. To just accept things as they were. And not think about them any longer.

Still.

No matter how hard he tried to forget about it, no matter how hard he tried to pretend. Deep inside him the truth still glinted.

Glinted like a razor.

How was he supposed to live with the knowledge of what he was going to do, all the suffering he was going to inflict?

Inflict in her. In everybody.

Had somehow already done.

He couldn´t...

Couldn´t just pretend, continue as if nothing had happened.

He didn´t want to.

Still...

She asked him too...

Right...?

Right...

Never in his life had he felt so helpless, felt so lost.

What was he to do?

He didn´t want to do any of the terrible things fate had in store for him.

But he didn´t want to loose her either.

Never...

She needed him.

He knew that.

He was her friend, her lover, her anchor.

Her only support.

And she was fragile...

Was broken, was hurt.

It was his duty to be there for her.

To keep the pieces of her broken heart, her soul, together...

But then...

Hadn´t it been him who´d broken her in the first place?

Hadn´t it been him who´d forced her through all those battles in Valhalla?

The one who´d taken her home, her family?

Had taken her hope, her fierce, her strenght...

Fuck, he had...

He would...

Exhaling a painful sigh, he shifted his weight to carefully inch closer to his lover´s body, closer even than before, until his chest bumped into her shoulderblades and his belly was flush again the small of her back.

His arm sneaking around her waist and to the hand she was resting on the sheets infront of her, searching for her fingers, it was burrying his face deep into her hair that he leaned in to kiss her ear.

The pink haired female next to him.

She only gave a tiny sleepy moan.

„Caius... It must be two in the morning..." she yawned sleepily. A soft content smile spreading on her pinkish lips as gently she made to push him away.

Whatever he had in mind right now, she definitely wasn´t in the mood for it.

She needed to catch up on some of her sleep...

„Would you marry me?" the hunter unexpectedly whispered against the soft skin of her neck.

He didn´t know what made him say it.

Those words, they´d forced themselves out of his throat completely on their own.

„WHAT?!"

The pink haired warrior, completely caught off guard, she instantly turned around to look into his eyes.

Sound asleep only a few moments ago, she suddenly felt wide awake. No trace there of the drowsiness that had engulfed her just seconds before.

That word, leaving her lips a little more forceful than she had intended, Caius Ballad flinched.

If only a tiny bit.

Her blue eyes simply stared at him, pierced his like an arrow´d pierce freshly healed skin...

He didn´t let it dissuade him.

Not even for a tiny second.

„If things weren´t like you know they are... If there weren´t all those things going to happen... If none of us would be forced to fulfil our fates..." Caius Ballad started carefully.

„If we were just normal people... Under normal circumstances... Would you want to become my wife?"

Claire Farron, Lightning, the woman destined to become a servant to the Goddess Etro,

she only gave him one of her completely baffled stares.

She didn´t know what to think.

But somehow she knew exactly what to say.

One of her hands coming up to touch her lover´s face, she leaned closer as she gazed into those waiting purple eyes.

Heart over mind...

„Yes. I would." she breathed, her voice almost failing her as his lips came crushing down on her´s once more.

Constants and variables...

This kiss...

It was different.

Different than the ones they´d shared before.

It was passionate. Yes. But more than that it was a promise.

A promise that none of this would be for naught.

That none of their pain, their strains, their sacrifices would be in vain.

Pulling apart for air again, it was with their noses slightly brushing, that their gazes met ones more.

„Please don´t forget me. Ever." the guardian to be whispered into the silence of the night, his arms tightening protectively around his lover´s slender form.

Lightning had no problem catching his words.

There was so much pain there in his voice.

A tear running down his cheek, she quickly kissed it away with her soft pinkish lips.

„I won´t... I promise." she said, staring deep into his eyes.

„I won´t ever."

Caius Ballad gave a small appreciative nod.

„Okay."

He loved her.

Loved her more than words could say.

And she loved him.

Loved him too.

No matter what would happen.

No matter what would come.

It still lay there in the future.

Far away.

No matter what had happened.

It was only in her past.

It wasn´t even real.

No...

Here in this timeline it hadn´t even happened yet, maybe wouldn´t even happen at all.

Or would it?

The guardian to be, of course he knew it was time for him to become Yeul´s guardian.

He had seen it.

The seeress had made sure of that.

He knew that it was what was supposed to happen... But what if he just didn´t do it?

What if he just didn´t show up?

What if he just chose to stay here.

Would this timeline really collapse into nothingness?

Would Lightning really cease to exist?

Somehow he wasn´t that sure...

Maybe there really was another way.

A way none of them could see yet.

There was still hope, or was there?

His eyes studying his companion´s features, taking in her rosy skin, the pale blue eyes, those pinkish lips, letting his fingers wander over her shoulders, down her spine and to the small of her back, feeling the touch of her soft pale skin beneath his fingertips, Caius Ballad couldn´t help but agree.

Yes...

There still was hope.

Maybe he just wouldn´t become Yeul´s guardian this time...

Maybe there was somebody else to care for in this timeline...

Maybe he just wouldn´t join the seeress, wouldn´t fight in the War of Transgression, wouldn´t become immortal and wouldn´t fight Lightning up there in Valhalla.

Wouldn´t kill her.

Wouldn´t release the Chaos...

Wouldn´t do any of those horrible things.

Yes...

Maybe he´d just be Caius.

Just Caius.

Maybe he´d just lead a normal life.

A normal life.

With her.

Lightning.

The woman he loved.

---

Constants and variables.

---

I don´t ask you to love me always like this,

but I ask you to remember.

Somewhere inside of me there will always be the person that I am tonight.

If you came to me with a face I have not seen,

with a name I have never heard,

I would still know you.

Even if centuries seperated us,

I would still feel you.

Somewhere between the sand and the stardust,

through every collapse and creation,

there is a pulse that echoes of you and I.

A puls that speaks your name.

- P. Scott Fitzgerald (altered)

---

Love is space and time measured by the heart.

- Marcel Proust

---

Thank you guys for staying with me all this time. I really do hope you liked that chapter. If you want to let me know in a review. As always I´ll be pleased to get some feedback.

As for the next part. It shall follow pretty soon. It´s almost finished.

Please stay tuned for the next bit... We are almost there ;)

Only one small one and one major chap to go. + the Epilogue. For those who care to read it.