Previously on Dance Academy: Last Chapter: Seeing Tara struggle with simple rehabilitation exercises might have shaken Christian a fair bit but, at long last, there is something that he might be able to do to help: find Tara somewhere to stay. It's time he took over and grabbed the controls.

Scheming

Laughter is wonderful, it breaks the barriers, the frustrations, the fears, if only for a short time. After my party retelling ends, Tara explains what the tube and toilet incident was all about. For that moment self-catheterisation -because things were not going back to normal as quickly as it should- is topic fit for a joke, and I have no problems sharing with her my dilemma and choosing Sir Joshua as my fashion model to keep me occupied. So easy, so light, till she drops it all down.

'So, the company, are you going to tell me what's that all about?'

The laughter that was making my eyes crinkle and my cheeks ache vanishes into a frown. 'Tara, do we have too?'

'Yes, Christian, no tiptoeing around anymore. I've got enough of everything being so slow, so hard, so cautious, just hit me with it. You're not going.'

'We talked about it yesterday. I've realised that it's not what I want to do.'

I suddenly become a target, and it's like Tara's eyes are throwing knives at me and trying to hit right between mine. 'So all that great discourse about thinking of the future and doing everything you could to get into The Company? In one day that resolve dropped to, what was it? Ninety? It has suddenly crashed to nothing?'

My chest aches, my stomach tightens, maybe I'm having a heart attack. I don't care about The Company but, that day, I had vouched for something else; a promise that I was sure I wanted to be with her. Is she wrapping these two as one? Is she too thinking about this, but like me doesn't dare mention it? How could we? We are so many miles away from that moment, from the swimming pool, from that kiss. My head collapses between my hands, digging my bony elbows into my thighs, but the pain is welcomed, no matter how little it matches the one in my heart. 'Something else more important has taken its place.'

'What? Oh, no! No, Christian. I've told you before, and you've told me in no uncertain terms either, I don't want to guilt you into anything, and I certainly can look after myself. Don't you DARE use me as an excuse!'

I wish I could tell her that she's wrong, and in so many ways, she is. I'm not here out of guilt. I'm not saying no to The Company because of her. No, but I do want to be the one looking after her, so badly. I shake my head. 'Tara, my mind was made up before this. When I did my stupid little thank you speech, it all became so clear to me. Your fall, yes, it played a part. It was like when Saskia fell and you realised that life has to be lived in the now. I realised that too. I want to dance, but not for The Company, not in the corps. I want to teach, Tara.' I take her hand in mine and come closer, letting her stare into my eyes, into my soul, into the truthfulness of what I am saying. 'I want to teach at the Memorial. I want to give back to others all the chances I've been given. And I'm going to be good at it, excellent even. You've said it yourself, it suits me. I've finally found my place, my path.'

Tara's eyes are roaming across my face, at first in puzzlement, then in something that might be awe, and then they filled with tears. What had I said wrong this time?

'But don't you get it? Dancing for The Company? That's yet another good thing that you're throwing away!'

Bam. I'm floored by the agony of my own words thrown back at me. I'm in such a state of shock that I can't even process what that means anymore, I can't even defend myself. I can't see myself but in my head all I picture is the many times that Tara had looked at me, mouth open, eyes haggard, speechless, because I'd once again told her whatever it was that hurt her most. That must be exactly what I must look like. And now I get why she didn't fight back, why she just stared at me as I walked away, stunned, just like I am.

And of course, that's when Jan and Neil decide to reappear: when I must look as vacant as a ghost and their daughter is sobbing.

'What- What happened? Tara, what's the matter?' Jan asks as she rushes to her daughter's bedside. Neil has already got his eyes on me.

'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry,' I say as I rush out.

But Neil is right behind me. 'What did you do?'

'I've hurt her, again!'

'Christian,' Tara calls out from within the room.

Something lands on my arm and I'm about to balk when Jan appears in front of me and squeezes my wrists gently. 'We know you didn't mean to.'

'Does that make any difference?'

'Of course it does,' she says in a placatory tone. Why she wants to keep me happy is beyond me, I've hurt her daughter time and time again.

I press my hands to my face, taking deep breaths in to stop my diaphragm from going into spasms and squeeze my eyes really tight. I've only ever cried when people have died, and Tara is not dying. Maybe my hopes are.

'Christian,' Tara calls again, alongside a myriad of scratch sounds.

'Don't let her get up on my account, please! Please, tell her that I'm sorry,' I say as I squeeze between them to my escape route. 'And that I'll come back later, if she'll let me.'

I run out of the hospital. I'm glad I've kept my bike there the previous day because now speed is of the essence. I ride as quickly as legally allowed all the way to the front of the Academy and rush up the stairs three by three.

I knock on Miss Raine's door. No answer. I push the door a little ajar. The desk is clear but for the telephone and computer screen. There's nothing left in the shelves. Maybe I'm too late.

I get out of the office with beads of sweat cooling down my brow that have nothing to do with the running around and all to do with the panic raising in my chest. I pass the staff room only to hear voices within. I knock.

Mrs Miller, the tiny school secretary, appears behind the door.

'I'm sorry, I really need to see Miss Raine, I really need to speak with her.'

Miss Raine pushes her way through and out. 'Christian, I'm in a board meeting.'

'I'm sorry, but I really need to talk to you, is there a better time today?'

Miss Raine scrunches up her eyebrows. If she were wearing glasses, she would be staring at me from over the frame. 'We were due to break off about half an hour ago but we still have a lot to cover. I shall let them know I have a meeting booked at half past twelve, that will be an excuse for a lunch break if anything else. Meet me in my office, well, my old office.'

Miss Raine does not even wait for my answer and closes the door again behind herself.

I've got half an hour... I run back to my bike. Lunch. I'll get her lunch.

When Miss Raine comes into her office, her eyebrows scrunching up at my daring for being already in there before her, sitting in one of the chairs. I push the paper bag towards the large office chair on the other side of the desk. 'Best burger in town.'

The eyebrows rearrange themselves into that weird lying down question mark shape they seem to assume each time she is surprised with something and not altogether sure what to make of the situation. But then she comes over to her chair, opens the bag, takes a whiff and smiles broadly. 'You know what, a burger is exactly what I need.' She takes it and the portion of chips out, and I continue with mine. It might have been impolite to start before her, but my bag is twice the size of hers, I'm that starving.

'So, Christian, what can I do for you?'

Before I can speak, the office door opens again, and in walks Zach. 'You said you needed me?'

Miss Raine points to another chair. 'Please take a seat, unless you'd like this one?' she indicates her own.

'Oh no no no! That'll come far too soon.'

Miss Raine looks at me with a crooked and cheeky smile. Maybe her stern facade had always been an act to keep us on our toes, literally, and underneath it all she is capable of being actually fun. 'I will not be in charge of the school for much longer so, until the board agrees on my replacement, Mr Andrews here will be taking over the role. I think you'll find him as happy to help you as I am.'

I look at Zach and I don't know what to make of this news. I owe so much to this man already, do I really want to add to my due list?

'So, what can we do for you?'

'Not for me this time.' Well, not directly, I think to myself. 'But for Tara. I've talked to her doctors this morning. They agree that it would be better for Tara to stay somewhere nearby in Sydney for the early stages of her rehabilitation, maybe up to a month. Somewhere without stairs, with accessible showers, with help at hand...' I let them fill in the gap, fervently praying they would come to the same conclusion as I did.

Miss Raine lifts her hand to silence Zach. 'And?'

'And, the room I had in the first year was on the ground floor, where the lounge and kitchen are. There's showers there too, and it will be available for the summer break, probably already is.'

Miss Raine narrows her eyes a little. 'I see. As you know we do let some of our students use the facilities during the holidays, but Tara is no longer one of our students.'

'What? But, of course she is, I mean, if I can be considered as one, surely...'

'But I presume you mean that her parents would be staying there too, and that would be unprecedented.'

'Erm-' and I find I have nothing to say to that. It never crossed my mind.

'Surely you didn't think you would be Tara's carer? You have other things of your own to sort out, haven't you?'

I grind my teeth and keep my breathing in check so that it stops sounding like a raging bull. Here she is again, trying to make my choices for me.

'I will look into this,' she says in a stern voice. 'I cannot guarantee anything.'

Suddenly I'm sure she won't help. After all she'd said, she won't help Tara. And once again I find myself wishing I could swap all the undeserved goodness that falls upon me and bounce it off to someone who does deserve it. I'm about to plead and bargain when Miss Raine leans forward. 'Christian, I cannot guarantee anything, but I promise to do my very best.'

I stay glued to my chair, despite the fact that she's indicating the door with her hand.

Zach taps on my shoulder as he squeezes behind me. 'Come on, Christian.'

Miss Raine sighs. 'Christian, you have to leave if I'm going to sort this out.' The blacked out tunnel that had formed in my vision widens, letting in the fact that her hand is on the phone and that she's already dialling. I nod and get up.

Zach follows me out. 'I need to talk to you.'