A/N: So I tried to upload this earlier like I said I would, but I got busy, again! Ugh, it's just the end of the school year is coming up and I've got a lot going on, hopefully when school dies down I'll be able to fully devote myself to this story. And I'm sorry, this chapter is largely filler, and honestly it's really reminiscent of other chapters. But there's some nice fluff, so that's good :)
Oh yeah, next update will most likely be Tuesday, I'll try to get it up before then though, if I have time.
Happy reading!
"Why don't we go out and buy you a phone?" Ciel swirled a spoon around his cup of tea, mixing the sugar and cream. He looked across the counter at Sebastian, who was scrubbing at some nonexistent stain.
Sebastian glanced up. "But I have to go to work."
Ciel laughed, despite Sebastian's completely serious tone. Are we like an old married couple already? We've only been together a day. "The shop won't miss you today."
"What exactly would I do with a phone? I don't have any friends." Sebastian set the dishrag down, now squinting closely at the counter.
Oh Sebastian. Why do you always do this to me? Why must you be so innocent? "You're right, you don't need a phone. But we can go and watch a movie or something. We can go on a date."
Sebastian's eyes now met Ciel's. He instantly brightened. "Can we go to the restaurant that we didn't get to go to yesterday?"
"I'll make a dinner reservation. Anything else you wanna do?"
"I don't know what couples do." Sebastian shrugged. He looked down, shifting, almost uncomfortably.
"I'll show you," Ciel said, and he reached across the counter, taking Sebastian's hand, the one that had been injured. It was now completely healed, except for a little stretch of pink skin. "Does it hurt anymore?"
Sebastian smiled. "It never did hurt."
Here he goes again, saying all the right things. Being so...perfect...and yet...so imperfect. It was inexplicable. Or rather, completely explainable. It was just that Ciel didn't want to admit it. He didn't want to admit that what he was feeling was genuine attraction. Yes, it was true that Sebastian was more than a friend now, and it was still true that Ciel didn't really know exactly how he felt, and exactly how he loved Sebastian. Why does it have to be so complicated? If it weren't for Alois-No. Don't think about Alois. He had promised Sebastian, promised that he wouldn't mention Alois for a full week. Of course, he still thought about him, almost every second. Every little thing reminded him of Alois. The color blue, to certain songs, to the smell of coffee,(Alois's favorite drink.) It was frustrating, even infuriating. It's not fair. All the time I'm telling myself that I have to be a better person, for Sebastian's sake. I've only made progress on the surface, while my brain still gravitates towards Alois. While my heart still cries out for Alois. Alois. Alois! Alois fucking Trancy!
"So do you want to do something, before dinner?" Ciel took a sip from his tea. "I mean, I hate to deprive the people of your books, but-"
"I only get one or two customers a day," Sebastian said, matter-of-factly.
"Exactly, Sebastian. It was a joke. God, we really need to work on your sense of humor. I'll add that to the list." Ciel smiled and stood up, taking one more sip of tea. He stretched his arms out and yawned. "We can go buy you a phone, get that checked off the list."
"Even though I said I didn't have anyone to call?"
"You have me."
Sebastian smiled, though he looked a little confused. "But you're here, I would only need to call you if you weren't here."
Stop doing that to me, Sebastian! "Well, I won't always physically be here, Sebastian. I-" I have a life. Okay, not really, but I like to think that I have a life. "I go to class and parties, and sometimes I go shopping, and-"
"You won't disappear, will you Ciel?" Sebastian was still smiling, but there was a faraway look in his eyes. Something dark and irreparable, perhaps depression creeping up on him. It was sad to watch, sad to see how fast someone could go from overwhelming happiness to shattered glass. It only took a few words, or a memory.
"I will never disappear, Sebastian, I promise." Ciel reached out to touch Sebastian's shoulder. "Do you hear that, Sebastian? I will never disappear." He took Sebastian's other shoulder and leaned inwards, kissing Sebastian's forehead.
Sebastian hugged him, deeply, melting into Ciel's grip. "I love you, Ciel," he said so softly that Ciel almost missed it. He tensed up, almost pulling away from Sebastian. Almost wanting to run away. Don't say that knowing that I can't say it back. I love you, Sebastian. I won't deny that, but I can't say it until I know how I love you. Who are you to me? Are you Alois's replacement, or am I truly falling in love with you?
Tears almost escaped Ciel's eyes. He blinked them away, and held Sebastian tighter. He kissed him, slowly, passionately. And almost...solemnly. As if it were a farewell kiss, although he knew that wasn't the case. After all, he had just promised he would never disappear. He had meant what he said; he was not about to break Sebastian's heart.
"Alright," Ciel said softly, breaking their embrace. "Let's go shopping." He gave a quick smile at Sebastian and then turned to go and grab his scarf and coat.
Sebastian followed after him, although it took him several more minutes to get ready, as he insisted on dusting off all his clothing, despite the face that whatever little amount of dust was on them was so minuscule, it could have only been visible with a microscope.
Ciel took Sebastian's hand, dragging him out the door. "Come on! Your clothes are fine!"
They ran down the street, Ciel holding Sebastian's hand all the way to the bus stop.
"Don't you want to take the car?" Sebastian asked, pointing at the vehicle that was already a hundred feet behind them.
"We always take the car. Don't you want some variety?"
Sebastian looked confused, a look Ciel guessed he had now seen a million times. "Variety?"
Ciel nodded.
"But when has your life ever been varied?"
He's right. I've spent my life partying, partying some more, and, oh yeah, committing unspeakable, unforgivable crimes. And Sebastian, well, he's spent his life in misery and failure. And of course, there's the things that happened that he doesn't remember. "It's never been varied, Sebastian. In a way, my life has gone just as wrong as yours."
Sebastian didn't answer. He was already sitting on the bus, patting a seat for Ciel. He waved out the window, a smile on his face.
He's excited again. Like a child discovering Play-doh. Ciel hopped on the bus, paid for both him and Sebastian, and sat down. He took Sebastian's hand. They rode in silence, although Sebastian spoke out every so often, pointing out buildings he had never seen before and smiling at sites he found amusing or strange.
Ciel watched him quietly, almost enviously. If only Ciel himself could be like that, if only he could forget everything he had done, if only he could be a little boy again. Before his parents died, before he met Alois. Before Alois took his heart. Stop it! Stop thinking about Alois!
He took his phone out of his pocket. There were over two hundred unanswered messages. Every single one from Alois. Ciel tentatively decided to open a few. They all said the same basic message: Do you want to die, Ciel? Ciel shoved the phone back in his pocket. He had nothing to worry about. Alois didn't know where Sebastian lived, he wouldn't be able to find them. They were safe. Alois won't hurt us. He won't hurt Sebastian. He won't hurt me. But the other part of his mind told him that Alois was very much capable of hurting them. Finding them wouldn't even be an issue, Alois had his ways. Ciel had witnessed enough of Alois's crimes to know very well what could happen.
"Ciel?"
Ciel turned, he realized he was holding onto Sebastian's hand a little too tightly. "Oh, sorry," he muttered.
Sebastian eyed him, suspiciously, but quickly looked back out the window. "I know who you're thinking about," he said. "It's alright, Ciel."
"Let's get off here," Ciel said, pretending he hadn't heard Sebastian's words. "There's a great store on Regent Street."
"We're in the West End?"
Ciel nodded. "You've never been to the West End?"
Sebastian shook his head. "I've only been here with you, when I went to that party you invited me to."
"Have you ever seen the Buckingham Palace? Big Ben? Westminster Abbey?"
Sebastian shook his head again.
Wow. He really is a child. "I'll take you sometime." Ciel got off the bus, taking Sebastian's hand, and pulling him along the street. Sebastian looked at their joined hands, a bit sheepishly.
"Something wrong?"
"Is-is this...okay?"
Ciel looked at their hands and around at the flood of tourists and Londoners. "Holding hands?"
"Ye-yes."
"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?"
Sebastian's face reddened. "People don't care about being gay?"
Ciel laughed. "Even if they did, it wouldn't matter. Not to me, but if you're uncomfortable, we-"
"I'm okay," Sebastian quickly said, and smiled.
"So you're okay with this?" Ciel kissed him on the lips, a fleeting, furtive kiss.
Ciel led him down the crowded street, pointing out his favorite spots. He walked into the Apple Store and immediately strolled to the arrangement of iPhones. "This," he said. "You need one of these."
"Isn't that too much? I won't use it much anyway-"
"It's fine, Sebastian. I have the money." Ciel immediately realized he had said the wrong thing. He had just sounded like a total asshole. "Oh, shit," he whispered. "I mean, I can pay for it. I want to buy it for you, it's a gift. Just think of it as our one day anniversary." He tried to laugh, trying to get rid of the awkwardness he had just established.
Fortunately, Sebastian hadn't even comprehended it. "Thank you, Ciel. That's really nice of you, I'm sorry I can't really buy a gift for you-"
"I'm fine, Sebastian. I don't need a present, really. This is just for you, something to say 'thank you.'"
Sebastian's eyebrows furrowed. "Thank you for what?"
"Does it matter? Thank you for being here, Sebastian. Thanks for letting me live with you. Thanks for sticking by me, just...thanks." Ciel supposed that in his own strange way, he was trying to tell Sebastian he loved him, without explicitly saying it. He couldn't say it out loud yet, not until he was sure.
"You're welcome, Ciel." Sebastian picked up a phone and smiled at it. "It's really cool," he said.
"And I'll be your first contact."