Chapter 13
The thought of being forced into silence or being unable to say what you are thinking can be a particularly frightening and frustrating idea. You might find yourself being put into much distress and anger, being unable to say what you want, especially when it is a matter of life and death. This can occur when a piece of cloth has been forced into your mouth in order to prevent you from doing just this, or your mouth is full of particularly delicious and flammable dessert, stopping you from warning the other guests at the dinner party that the hosts' home is on fire. There was a time I can remember where I was unable to communicate an important message to the woman I loved before a terrible villain attacked her from behind and pushed her over the edge of a cliff. Fortunately, my message was not a matter of death as the wings the woman wore as part of her costume were very functional and allowed her to survive the plummet down into the vast mountainous landscape where a secret organization had built its headquarters. Another time in which a colleague of mine was forced into silence, was due to extended and complicated circumstances where he attempted to gather evidence to help rescue a set of parents who had been detained by two people with an air of menace. He had spent many hours listening to the terrible schemes of the two villains while locked in a sarcophagus and taking notes by the light of a single lit match. However, his location was soon discovered by the two people due to the smell of smoke wafting from the sarcophagus and in order to keep his silence, they threatened to expose his own terrible secrets, one about him witnessing a terrible crime at the opera, that could ruin his reputation as the head of a banking institution. He did manage to escape from their clutches, but sadly his notes were not passed on to the parents, who ended up detained by the two people with the air of horrible menace. Unfortunately, my colleague has been forced to remain hidden in the top floor of his banking organization since then, talking to incompetent vice-presidents of orphan affairs and trying to keep his secrets from being revealed. I cannot begin to tell you the kind of hopelessness and anguish one can feel at being unable to speak the truth, which is why you stop reading this chapter immediately because, sadly, I am not prevented from revealing the terrible truth surrounding the plight of the Baudelaires and their friends.
Being forced into silence must have been exactly how Holly S. felt as she sat with her friends shocked that the terrible villain that the siblings had warned her about had managed to infiltrate the school and was no being applauded by their fellow classmates. In her hand, she held a note which she was attempting to pass to Duncan Quagmire when the terrible villain appeared, forcing them all into shocked silence.
"I love the energy. I love it!" the man disguised as Coach Genghis said, nodding in great approval.
"Okay, everyone, settle down," the vice-principal said.
"Settle down? Do you hear what Vice Principal Shapiro just said?"
"Nero."
Holly cannot help but grin at the fact that someone had messed up her "Mento's" name, obviously not bothering to learn it as he did with her.
"Settle down. How often I hear those words come out of people's ears and into my mouth. 'Settle,' a word which here means 'settling for less,' and 'down,' my personal least favourite direction. Let me tell you a story. Some years ago, a woman came to me. She needed my help. 'Coach Genghis,' she said to me, 'I'm a failure. I have no job. My love life is in the pits. I can't seem to lose these last 20 pounds. I bet that describes just about every one of you, am I right?"
"Um, they're schoolchildren," the violinist said.
"Exactly," he continued on as if he hadn't heard. "And what did I say to her? Do you think I told her to settle down? Answer me, pippity-squeaks! Do you think I told her to… settle down?"
"Probably not!" the cheerleaders called out to get the crowd to respond.
"Probably not!" the rest of the school said unenthusiastically, a phrase which here means said without very little excitement and possible boredom or fear.
"Probably not, indeed. I told her to stand up. I told her to actualize and incentivize. I told her to keep her eyes in the clouds and her feet on the stars. Do you know what happ-ened? She died in a mysterious fire."
Holly looked at her friends at the mention of a mysterious fire, she began to wonder whether this terrible villain meant any of her orphaned friends' mothers.
"Wait, what?" Vice-Principal Nero said, very confused.
"Settling down is what losers do…"
"But the woman you were talking about," the red-nosed administrator tried to say.
"Settling down started World War I!"
"Okay, but the story you were telling…"
"Settling down is what happens when you bite your lip, and then your lip gets swollen, so you bite your lip again, and then you keep doing that thing keep biting your lip over and over. I don't want that. Do you want that, Prufrock Prep?" Coach Genghis continued.
"No!"
"Let's bring in the violin!"
Put on the spot, Vice-Principal Nero began playing as quickly as he could, much to the dread and anguish of all the students.
"The whole school is falling for the treachery of an unhinged villain," Violet said fearfully.
"That always happens at pep rallies," Duncan said.
"This might be our only chance to stop him," Klaus said. "Sunny, stay here."
"Bluchat!" the youngest Baudelaire shrieked, which probably meant "Good Luck."
Before Holly could stop her friends, thinking that perhaps they should think about this rationally instead of leaping into danger. She had spent enough time with the vice-principal to know that he would not listen to their concerns.
"Stop the music!" Violet shouted very loudly.
The entire group gasped, knowing full well what would happen if anyone stopped the selfish and egotistical principal during his recitals.
"Everyone, listen, please!" she continued.
"How dare you interrupt a genius!" the vice-principal said angrily.
"And his guest violinist," the coach added.
"This man is not a genius. This man is an impostor."
"The term is 'improviser'"
"This so-called gym teacher is the notorious villain Count Olaf. As long as he's at Prufrock Preparatory School, nobody is safe."
"That's not true. You're just jealous. Vice- Princie, throw them off the stage, and I'll start my dance over with extra twirls," Carmelita said.
"Well said, adorable cheerleader," Coach Genghis said.
"This man is Count Olaf. We can prove it," Klaus insisted.
Suddenly, behind where Isadora, Duncan, Holly and Sunny sat, the school librarian stood up. "The Baudelaires seem like honest and decent people. We should listen to what they have to say."
It surprised the group that an adult was willing to listen to them.
"Down in back," one of the teachers muttered.
"Count Olaf, who is wanted for questioning by the authorities for suspicion of fraud, theft, murder, and child endangerment…" Violet stated, desperately wanting all their fears to be heard.
"And arson," the person of interdisciplinary gender studies added.
"Who has one eyebrow instead of two,"
"Why there's nothing wrong with being bushy," Nero snapped. "If I open my shirt now, you."
"If Count Olaf took off his turban…" the eldest Baudelaire sibling said, trying to reach over and grab the dirty cloth held by a single jewel to reveal what the friends knew to already be true.
"Isn't she marvellous, everybody?" the villainous coach said, grabbing Violet's arm to prevent her from doing what she wanted. "I'm afraid my two glorious eyebrows will remain hidden underneath this turban, which I wear for religious reasons."
"And what religion might that be?" Klaus snapped, trying to help his sister.
It appeared as though Count Olaf himself was forced into silence as he attempted to find an answer to the questions. He looked behind him to people who were obviously working for him. From underneath the mascot costume, a man peered out to answer.
"Reconstructionist Judaism."
"Reconst…ism. Yes, that."
"I would never ask you to remove your turban, Coach," Nero said, trying to cover up the behaviour of his students. "I'm against religious persecution, but I can't speak for the orphans."
"Olaf can also be identified by the tattoo of an eye on his ankle," Klaus added.
"My body is a temple, young man. I would never sully my skin the way so many young people do nowadays with their hedonistic lifestyle of loud music and abstinence."
"Why don't you take off your shoes and prove it?" Violet asked.
"Absolutely not,"
"Is that for religious reasons, too?" the middle Baudelaire said sarcastically.
"No, it's because taking your shoes and socks off is gross."
"We can compare Genghis to the photograph of Olaf in The Daily Punctilio."
"You sound like a boring librarian," the vice-principal continued. "Plus, we don't need newspapers now that we have our advanced computer system."
"Oh… Uh, you mean that computer!" the coach said as the mechanism was brought onto the stage. Holly and the others looked on hopefully, praying that the computer would
"He's sweating! He's nervous!"
"No, I'm not… I have naturally leaky pores."
"Will you and your pores please stand in front of this very expensive electronic device and just clear this matter up, once and for all?
"I, uh… Mmm, this reminds me of a story…"
The Baudelaires reach forward and push the computer towards the now frightened man, being forced into silence by his own fear of being caught. However, all hope was dashed when the computer stated.
"This is not Count Olaf."
"See?"
"Yeah, see? I think this calls for a little democracy, my second favourite style of government. How many of you want to hear more tiresome accusations hurled at an innocent man from orphans?"
"Investigate further!" Duncan shouted, trying to help their friends.
"We demand that this issue get further scrutiny!" Isadora added.
"And who here wants to hear about an exciting new program that is sure to blast your school spirit right out your blowhole?"
The entire school began to cheer, completely fooled by Count Olaf's disguise as Coach Genghis.
"Students! Faculty! Don't worry if every exercise program you have ever tried has failed you because I am here to fail you more by putting the "whip" back into 'whip you into shape.' Everyone, get on your feet and let's try something that I invented one lonely night at a truck stop, called jumping jacks. Here we go. Ready? One! Two!" However, he stopped when he seemed to hurt himself, punching another hole in his very obvious lie. "Okay… All right. All right. Let's cool it down. Let's just cool it down. We don't want to ham up the old hamstrings. Whoa! Oh, God, can someone say, "Class dismissed - for ice water and some deep breaths'"
He mutters to the new interdisciplinary gender studies teacher.
"What? What? Yeah. Yes! Yes! One last thing, everybody. As anyone who has been to junior college knows, orphans tend to have unsound bodies, which leads to paranoia, delusion, and untapped wealth. That's why I have developed the Special Orphans Running Exercises, or S.O.R.E. for short, which I will be offering to a few select students. Will the orphans in the house please stand?"
Duncan and Isadora stand up, as well as Sunny, leaving Holly S. fearful for what may happen next. Additionally, to everyone's surprise, the librarian also stood up. Holly sighed, knowing that she was from a single parent family, or a Half-Orphan as Carmelita and Vice-Principal Nero called her.
"Okay, okay. I choose you." He pointed to Klaus. "And oh, you." He indicated to Violet. "And little baby secretary I've heard so much about."
"Triptia!" Sunny said, which probably meant "Administrative Assistant" in an attempt to correct the rather sexist term.
"The three of you will report to the athletics field at sundown and every night until further notice."
"Of course, this does not excuse you from missing my nightly violin recital. You're going to owe me a lot of candy," the vice-principal said gleefully. "And you will miss the rough debut of your little friend too." He smirked over at Holly, who slid down into her seat.
"That's the sort of leadership I was talking about," Coach Genghis said. "You are a genius."
"You're a genius for noticing," Nero said.
"You're the genius for saying so."
"You're a genius for agreeing."
"All right, I'm the genius."
"Drat! Everybody is dismissed! This pep rally is over!" Vice-Principal shouted.
As all the students began to leave, Holly was left in shock with Duncan and Isadora who were already talking to one another. She felt immense guilt that she hadn't stood up to help her friends or at least warned them that trying to argue with Nero, or anyone would force them into frustrated silence. She did not doubt that what the Baudelaires had said was true and she feared for all of their safety now that he had appeared, making Prufrock Preparatory School even more terrible and dreadful than it already was.
She grasped her hands so tightly that she crumpled the note she had forgotten was still in her hands. She wanted beyond all measure to give it to Duncan, but there seemed to be more important things to worry about now…
More important than how I feel? she wondered, resenting the silence in which she now had to be part of in order to help her friends…
She turned to find that the Quagmire triplets had left, forcing the young girl to follow, trying to avoid eye contact with the treacherous coach who was staring out into the dissipating crowd. However, unfortunately, her presence was noticed, and the jaw of a terrible villain tensed when he vaguely recognized the girl who fled to find her friends.
…
"I can't believe he fooled everyone again," Violet groaned.
"Not everyone," Duncan said, opening the door to the Orphan's Shack.
"Don't worry, Baudelaires. Don't feel disgrace. The Quagmire triplets are on the case," Isadora recited.
"You're kind and generous friends, but we can't let you get involved,"
"Violet's right," Klaus agreed. "Olaf is too dangerous."
"He's too dangerous for you to face alone," Duncan insisted.
"We can run away. All of us. Our parents own the famous Quagmire Sapphires, so when we come of age, we can live on our own."
"We're not of age yet… Besides, we tried running away and ended up working in a lumber mill. Count Olaf still found us there."
The middle Baudelaire stared longingly at a picture on the wall, covered in drops of fungus, one that Holly had not examined very closely until now. It showed several couples; friends standing in a cheerful looking town, with two smokestacks in the background. However, there was a man in the photograph that caught Holly's attention. She had never personally seen him before, but he looked a little like her father, with the strong jaw and eyes that appeared to express hardship and wisdom. She couldn't deny the uncanny appearance. She remembered that Klaus said they had matching photographs, the trouble was, she'd never seen this particular image before until it fell out of her family's photo album, and apparently, neither had the Quagmires.
"That's a picture of our parents," Isadora realized
"Our parents, too," Violet said.
"They did know each other," Klaus said.
"We had this photo in our library. We never paid attention to it," the female triplet said sadly.
"I bet there were other mysteries we never noticed," Duncan added.
"Like a spyglass?" Violet asked.
"Or a book," Klaus said. "We just need to survive long enough to find it."
"The librarian said to check back in a day or so," Duncan said.
"We don't have a day or so. It's almost sundown."
Before anyone else could respond, the door of the shack opened, and a student placed a platform down as the dreadful Carmelita stepped forward in her tap shoes and pom-poms.
She began dancing with no rhythm and no tune in her voice, which caused Holly in particular to wince. It's bad enough she had to listen to an off-key violinist, but now a singing and dancing bully was too much. "I'm here to deliver a special message to the Baudelaires. The sun is setting, Hooray, Hooray Coach Genghis sent me here to say The Baudelaire orphans go to the field. And my name is Carmelita!"
"That doesn't even rhyme," the poet of the group stated.
"Only cake-sniffers care about poetic form!" she huffed before crossing her arms and leaving, allowing the group to return to desirable silence. If there was anyone that these friends would like to force into silence, it was the filthy and violent Carmelita Spats.
Holly finally spoke up to voice her opinion after being caught in the middle of this chaotic unfortunate episode in her friends' lives.
"What about if we go back to my home?" she suggested.
The Baudelaires and the Quagmires both looked at the sixth companion of the group, their faces were a mixture of various emotions that took Holly a few moments to study fully. For the Baudelaire siblings, their faces expressed much fear and anxiety, which is to be expected with the reappearance of a terribly cruel villain who had once again fooled the adults with his awful disguise. For the Quagmire triplets, their expressions were of worry for their friends and of determination to help them escape this terrible villain. None. Perhaps it as because she was the first person to suggest a realistic solution to their current situation
"My father and I live far enough away that we could be safe. We can all look after each other."
"I wish we could accept but, Count Olaf manages to find us wherever we go," Violet responded.
"My father could protect us," she insisted, the idea of escaping this school with her friends gave her hope that they could find a solution to their problem.
"But doesn't your father travel a lot?" Klaus asked.
"He'd stop if he knew how much you were in danger,"
"Holly, we'd love to accept your offer, but there's just no way he could keep Count Olaf away,"
"But…"
"We'll keep it as our back-up plan," Duncan said, trying to help Holly as her idea did seem reasonable if they thought running away was still an option.
Holly forced herself to smile, feeling frustrated that she had to become silent again, despite it being done by her friends. She sighed heavily.
"We'll figure something out until then we should try to stay out of sight," Isadora suggested, wishing there was more than they could do to help the Baudelaires.
"I'll go call my father, see if he can help with our back-up plan," Holly said, deciding to try and be useful for the time being. "I just feel like I need to do something…"
"Be careful," Duncan warned.
"I'm always careful," Holly said, smiling and blushing before turning to leave the shack.
Once she's out in the courtyard, Holly sighed heavily and sat down on one of the rocks her friends would sit on when she played her violin for them. She hated that the terrible Count Olaf had found her friends and now threatened all of them. She wanted nothing more than to have her father pick all of them up and whisk them away to safety where they could live the lives they wanted, and she would be able to say what she was thinking.
She looked down at the crinkled piece of paper in her hands, before opening it up and reading it to herself. She wanted to give it to Duncan Quagmire so badly.
Would you like to go on a date with me?
A/N: Thank you for everyone's great support. A few of you have probably already figured out who Holly's father is, I kind of wish I had been more subtle, but let's keep it a secret for a little bit longer. The next chapter will reveal much more.