Disclaimer: Copyright for The Walking Dead belongs to AMC, et al. My writing belongs to me, as do errors.

Title: "Bands"
Chapter: "Before"

The D commons looked like it had been ransacked by looters. Every plaything they had available to the children appeared to be spread out in a radius from a point not far from the large wooden rocker that anchored the space. The chair was currently occupied by a young Woodbury mother who was dosing with two of her young children. Rick smiled slightly to himself. He could only imagine what it would be like when Judith reached that age. He sobered quickly at the thought. If she reached that age. It was not guaranteed, nothing was anymore.

Movement in his peripheral vision alerted him to Beth who had quietly begun plucking up the wreckage to right the area. Tracing her path back he located Judith in the arms of her brother. Carl. Rick was ashamed at the reluctance he felt at the prospect of speaking to his son. Carl was seated in a chair next to the table where the older children often worked on projects or reading, and looked like he was speaking quietly to Judith as he bounced her very slightly on his knee. She was wriggling and grabbing at the edges of his hat with her tiny fists. Rick knew without seeing her face that she was happy. Jude was generally a good baby, but she never failed to light up with Carl. During the weeks since the introduction of the Woodbury group seeing them together had been about the only time his son's face did not wear a scowl.

Rick braced himself. Enough. It was not Carl who was the problem, or if he was it was not Carl that needed to provide a solution. This was a Father's time, a man's responsibility to his child – to both his children. Parenting was a verb. It was time to engage in the most important action of the apocalypse. These precious beings were created by the love he shared with Lori. These souls were her legacy, and they were her way of ensuring that he would be a better man than he had been.

As he approached Rick could hear Carl reciting a rhyme to Judith, but it wasn't one he'd ever heard before.

"Inka Binka bottle of ink. Pull the cork and you stink. Not because yer dirty. Not because yer clean. Just because ya kissed a boy behind a magazine!"

Then Carl leaned in and blew a raspberry on her tiny cheek. Judith squealed in delight and Carl chuckled low.

"You're going to give me a stroke if she starts chasing boys already and she can't even crawl."

Carl looked up. He wasn't startled, but at least he didn't look pissed off. His cheeks were puffy and looked sallow. The eye was bad, swollen nearly shut and a deep red with dark purple beginning to pool in the creases. He didn't say anything.

"I thought she and I would take a walk before supper. I would like you to come with us."

Carl didn't say anything, but he adjusted Judith into his arms and rose from the chair. Rick stepped over and picked up her bag, slinging it over his shoulder. "I'll just check in with Beth, and we can be on our way." It was fleeting, but Rick caught the spark in Carl's eye as he flicked his gaze to the girl and back. Ah! So he hadn't come here only to see his sister, and perhaps it had gone well.

Rick maneuvered carefully around the various discarded items to reach Beth. He touched her shoulder lightly to get her attention. When she turned he kept his voice low. "Beth, I wanted to check in before we left. How were things today? Anything I should know about? Keep track of? Was she good for you?"

As always Beth's bright smile fully lit up her face. She cut her eyes toward the sleeping trio in the rocker as she barely spoke above a whisper. "She's such a good little girl, Rick. We read stories, and she loved when I sang to her. She just finished her bottle before Carl came in, and she had a little nap with him holding her. I'm sure she'll be ready to sleep again in not too long. Oh!" she turned to meet his eyes quickly. "I also had her down on the blanket today, like the book said? So she could work on building her muscles. She is going to be an ass-kicker, just like her big brother! And, and her dad." Rick swore her cheeks turned slightly pink at the realization that she'd almost left him out. Well, well. He smiled at her.

"Thank you, Beth. My daughter is lucky to be able to spend her days with someone who cares so much for her."

She ducked her head, and bent to continue her straightening task. "You better get going." She looked up at him then, and she was serious. "I think he needs time with you as much as she does."

Rick returned her look and nodded. "I need the time, too." He reached down and squeezed her shoulder before turning to rejoin Carl. Beth Greene was special young woman. He hoped she wouldn't break Carl's heart too badly if she had to break it at all.

He gestured his chin toward the door out to C and Carl took the hint, moving to fall in behind him. Rick opened the bag to rummage through it as he walked, pulling out a tiny sweater and a soft, warm yellow blanket. Judith didn't get outdoors often because of their fears for safety, but she needed to see her world. The walkers had been fairly thin at the fence when he's been out earlier, and it would do her good. He also hoped that the open space would provide privacy for he and Carl, but not make them feel captured and hemmed in by physical walls when their emotional walls were so high already.

Rick stopped in the cage just outside the C block exit and turned with the sweater to dress Judith. Carl was gentle and adept at working her into the garment. It was blue and looked to be hand-knitted. It had a little golden teddy bear embroidered on the front, and a hood with a drawstring. Rick pulled up the hood and tied it loosely. Judith looked adorable, and he kissed her. He was rewarded with a giggle and bubbles blown as the tiny girl wriggled and squinted her eyes at him. He unfolded the blanket and prepared it in his arms to wrap around her, then held them out. Carl placed her carefully into the center and folded the ends around and tucked them in so they held in her stocking feet. Rick lifted her higher onto his shoulder and passed the keys to Carl who let them out into the yard.

The clouds that had moved in during the mid-afternoon were still hanging on, but out in the west they were starting to break up. It might mean a clear night and probably a pretty sunset. Rick turned toward the building, following the inner perimeter of the yard. They appeared to have it mostly to themselves.

"How's the eye?" he began.

"About as good as it looks."

Rick scoffed. "Bet it doesn't hurt as much as your side."

"You'd be right."

"What did Beth have to say?"

Carl made a dismissive sound. "Haven't told her all of it yet."

Rick nodded and they walked a bit in silence.

Then Carl said, "Is that what you want to talk about? Am I going to get a lecture about how stupid that all was?" Rick could hear the anger starting to build in his voice. "Because I know that."

Rick shook his head. "From what I saw you proved the point pretty clearly to yourself. You talk with Daryl and clear it up?"

"Yeah." Carl hung his head and stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "We're cool."

"That was wise."

Carl's head shot up quickly. "I'm smarter than you think I am." His eyes were sharp enough to cut.

Rick let the statement hang between them. He patted Judith on the back and rubbed her cheek with his whiskers. She grabbed a fistful of his hair and pulled.

"I thought we should talk about something else. I think we've been waiting on it a little too long."

Carl's eyebrows drew down and together as he asked the question without speaking.

Loosening Judith's grip carefully from his hair, he let her hold onto his finger and mouth it. Luckily it was clean. He stopped walking and turned to his son. "I want to talk about Shane."

First it was confusion, then anger that ruled Carl's face. However, Rick didn't miss the terror behind Carl's eyes, nor the shame. The boy didn't keep eye contact for long. First he looked to his boots and scuffed the battered concrete, then he looked to the clouds, and over to the west where the sun moved steadily lower. "What's there to say? He was a threat, first alive, then dead. We did what had to be done."

"I wanted to talk to you about him because you are the only person left here besides me that knew him before...all this."

That got Carl's attention.

"I want to remember some things about him, about him and me. I thought you might help me. And...," he hesitated. This was it. If Carl opened up to this, Rick had an idea of where to start. But if he rejected this outright, Rick wasn't sure about another way in. Shane was something they both needed to heal for different reasons. Shane could help them talk about themselves, about Lori, about each other. It would maybe be the last, best thing for him and Carl to remember about the man that had been a brother and, Rick would have to accept, a surrogate father.

"And?"

"And, I thought I might help you, too."

Carl dropped his head, the brim of the hat hiding his face. Judith yawned and snuggled into the blanket, so Rick drew her closer and tucked her into his chest. He began rubbing her back in small circles the way she liked hoping to lull her into another short nap. Carl was completely still.

Finally he looked up and met Rick's eye. "Okay."

Rick hadn't realized that he'd been holding his breath until he let it out and it sounded much too loud. He wanted to grin in relief, but he knew it would be a mistake. Turning, he walked slowly again, knowing the gentle pace would sooth all three of them into this.

"You know that Shane and I went to school together, right?"

"Yeah. You two used to tell stories about it. And he had the necklace from when you played football on the same team."

Rick nodded. "He was a star. He made all-state our senior year. He should have played college ball, but he wasn't ever interested in that. He always wanted to be a law man, like his father. I was never all that good at football. Shane was a running back and played receiver. He broke records. As far as I know one of them was still standing well this all went down."

"Which one?"

"I think it was total career rushing yards."

"Pretty good."

"I'll say. I was always so many steps behind him. I always sort of wondered why he bothered to hang out with me. I made the team, but basketball was my sport. Too bad it wasn't anybody else's in school. Our team was awful."

Carl laughed a little.

"Did you know Shane wrestled, too? He took fourth place in the state championships our junior year."

"Huh. Really?"

"Yep. That put him in good position with the girls. He had them lined up just waiting to talk to him. More than the sports it was the girls that I envied him about."

Carl didn't say anything, and Rick wondered how much Carl knew.

"Well, let me take that back. I didn't really want any of the girls Shane had, but I was always envious of how easy it was for him with them. He was so smooth. He could, like, look at a girl from across the room and sure enough she'd walk over and hand him her panties."

Carl looked over and grinned, blushing a bit. He laughed and Rick joined him. "I know. I know. It was like he had a secret manual about how to get anyone he wanted. He even claimed that he slept with one of our teachers once."

Carl screwed up his face at that.

Rick laughed again. "Hey. You didn't know the teacher."

Carl laughed too and shook his head.

"I was just totally awkward and every time I opened my mouth something stupid came out. I'd be with Shane out somewhere and girls would come up to us – to him, of course – and I'd try to join in and I could see the girls roll their eyes at me and then wipe the drool off their chins when they talked to Shane."

"Drool, huh?"

"Yes, drool!"

"Whatever."

"The only girl that ever managed to look past Shane and see me was your mother."

Carl's face sobered.

"I honestly didn't believe it at first. I think for the first couple weeks I talked to her I kept askin' her if she wanted me to tell Shane something for her."

Carl smiled a little at his joke.

"But she never did. And then I had such a crush on her that I couldn't say five words to her without my voice cracking or getting a tent in my pants. I couldn't decide if I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me or if I wanted to kidnap her and hold her hostage on a desert island where I could have her all to myself."

They had made their way around the circumference of the inner yard and were standing at the entry again. Rick decided to make one more circuit.

"At the time I went to Shane for help. He had tried to help me get girls, giving me advice – most of which was utter crap." Rick laughed. "But with your mom, he never told me anything. I was mad at him for it. And then one day he finally got pissed back at me. You know what he said?"

Carl seemed to be paying very careful attention now, and indicated negative.

"He said, 'I'm an asshole, Rick. She's smart enough to know that. Why do you think she won't look at me? Anything I tell you will just drive her away. Stop asking.' And then he stomped off and wouldn't speak to me for a week. Meanwhile he started dating the hottest girl in the school, doing things in the hall that got them both dragged to the principal's office for lewdness."

Carl blinked up at him, and looked like he was thinking hard.

"Carl, how much do you know about your mom and Shane?"

"I don't want to talk about this."

"I know."

They were silent as they walked for a while.

"I would like you to tell me how much you know. And when you knew it."

Carl let out a harsh breath. "Fine. I knew something was really wrong between the three of you at the farm but I didn't know what. I was pissed at you and mom because whatever it was seemed to have made Shane ignore me and treat me like shit half the time, even though the other half of the time he paid way more attention to me than you did. He cared more." He stopped abruptly, as if he had only just heard what he'd said.

"He did care for you, Carl. He loved you. Probably too much, if that makes sense. He loved me. He loved your mother, too."

Carl cleared his throat. "Yeah. Too much, right?" His voice was ugly and bitter.

"They thought I was dead."

"Did they!?" Suddenly Carl was shouting. "Did Shane think you were dead? Or did he just tell us that? And why did it even matter? You and mom were going to get a divorce anyway! You fought all the time! You were looking for an excuse! She was looking for an excuse! Shane was looking for an excuse! Fuck you all! What did you think I was? And what about – ," and then Carl went silent. He face drained of color and his eyes got wide. He was staring at Judith. Then at Rick. He turned and began to run.

"Carl. Stop!" Rick's voice was a command. Much to his surprise, his son stopped. In his arms Judith jumped, waking, and he knew she was going to wail. "Get back here. We are going to face this together, like men. For your mother's sake," he was interrupted as Judith's cry rose up, "and for Judith's. Now come over here. She needs you." He paused. "We need each other."