Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or its characters

Chapter 14: Far More

Far more, far more, far more, far more
Far more, far more than we possess
How much, how much, how much
How much longer, girl
How much longer do we need to wait?

December 17th, 2010

Nathan's eyes swept down the busy market street in Afghanistan. The sidewalks were filled with people, mostly mothers and their children. But there were a few people that Nathan kept an eye on. The ones who would whisper to someone else as their truck drove by or who watched them with angry eyes. He knew how people felt about them being there. Most of them hated them. Nathan watched as little kids ran around the legs of the adults and he waited for them to be chastised by their mothers for running off. In a lot of ways, Afghanistan was different than America, but there were some ways that it was similar. The laughter of little kids filled the air of public places and mother's worried eyes followed their children.

After having watched the people he looked away as they drove out of the market. Their shift was almost over for the day. The markets were closing soon and they needed to make it back to camp. They had a few check points they had to go through along the way. The truck moved along the dirt roads with a few bumps along the way. Nathan watched the road behind them as they drove. He chose to block out the voices of the guys in the truck with him. Sometimes he was fine to talk with them, it helped pass the time. But tonight, he just didn't want to. His head was somewhere else and he was fine with leaving it there.

He reached up to his helmet and grabbed the picture that he had slipped between the elastic band. Holding it in his hands he looked down at it and smiled. It was a picture of him and Haley and Jake when they were 16. It was Jake and Haley's birthday. Haley was standing between the two of them and they were all supposed to be smiling. Jake was laughing and it was obvious that the two of them had been arguing about something. They were still arguing when this picture was taken. It was just so typical of the two of them.

He put it back a few minutes later when they arrived back at camp. The truck stopped kicking up dirt as it did so. He jumped down to the ground from the truck bed and began to walk towards the tent while taking his gear off. He heard the voices of the guys as they did the same. When he walked inside he made his way towards his bed and then collapsed back on the mattress. He reached down under the bed and grabbed a box that was on the ground. He brought it up to his chest and looked through it until he found what he was looking for. He unfolded the last letter from Haley and read it again.

Dear Nathan,

I know it's been awhile since I wrote you last, and I'm sorry about that. I've been pretty busy. I swear all of my classes like to assign incredibly long papers. They take forever! At least you have that going for you. No homework.

But that's boring so enough of that. How are you? Anything exciting going on? I sort of hope not, only because then I know you're safe. That's all I want. You safe. So are you? Please say yes. But I want to know everything that's going on. I want to know about the people you meet and what they're like and who you're friends are.

Lately I've been going to these praise and worship things with Jonnie. There every Thursday night and when I'm not busy, I go with him. It's sort of amazing. There are so many talented people there and I don't always feel so worthy of being around them. I learned that Jonnie can play the guitar, and he can play it well. I don't know, when I go and I'm there with him, I feel… I feel like I'm apart of something. They even have me singing some nights. At first I was so scared but now, now it's fine. I'm beginning to love it. I think I'm really starting to get what you meant by wanting to be apart of something. Sure, mine's not as great as yours but I still love the feeling.

I've even been doing a bit of tutoring. I help with people in my classes who need extra help before exams or who need help with papers. I know, the Tutor Girl never stops. I don't think I'll ever change. But maybe that's a good thing. Maybe that's part of what makes me, me.

I've been spending a lot of time with Jonnie, not just during the praise and worship time, but outside of that. He's a really amazing guy. He and his friends are some of the funniest people I've ever been around. But it's more than that. Jonnie and his friends are genuine. That's something I really like in people. I know that they're honest and they're completely themselves. And to be honest, I think I'm falling for Jonnie.

I've been feeling that way for awhile now and I don't know why, but I've been afraid to tell you. I think part of it is I know how protective you can be. After all, you are Jake's best friend. But I feel that part of me knows that you'll be happy for me. I know that you know I make the right decisions in the people I choose to let into my life. That's why you're one of my best friends after all. Because I trusted myself and began to trust you.

Even though I'm not saying all this out loud to you, it feels good to get it out and know that you know now.

I miss you Nathan. More than I could ever explain in a letter. Please write me soon. I can't wait to hear from you.

Always,

Haley

Nathan put the letter down against his chest and shut his eyes. The date at the top of the letter ready November 26th. He wasn't sure why he couldn't seem to write a letter back to her. He just couldn't get the right words out when he put pen to paper. Of course, part of him knew that it was because he didn't like everything he read in the letter from her. She had to know that he wouldn't want to hear about her having feelings for another guy. The kiss they'd shared before he left had to have been a clue as to how he felt for her. How could she have not known that he spent his whole Summer falling in love with her.

But then again, he did tell her not to wait for him. As much as he wished that she was waiting for him, he told her not to. Don't put your life on hold for me. That's what he'd told her. And he was right, it wasn't fair to her to ask of that. But still. The fact that she seemed to have moved on so easily. He'd only been gone a few months and she was already starting to fall for someone when his heart still belonged to her. It was like a knife to his chest. He felt like someone might as well have ripped out his heart and stomped on it. But even with all of those feelings rushing around inside of him, he knew that he had no right to feel that way.

He'd never gone out and told her how he felt about her. Even though a huge part of him was screaming at him that he should have. He just couldn't make himself do it. He felt like a coward when it came to her and his feelings for her. Haley James was probably always going to make him feel that way.

Nathan was broken out of his thoughts by the sounds of angry voices from outside of the tent. He moved the box of letters back under his bed before sitting up and getting off his small bed. He hurried towards the opening of the tent and when he did he saw Damien and Ian. They were clearly fighting. Both of them were yelling at each other and other men in their camp were holding them back not allowing their swinging fists to make contact with the other person. Nathan moved quickly between the two of them and pushed at Damien's chest and shoved him towards Felix who was trying to hold his friend back. "What the hell is your problem?" Nathan asked looking between the two of them.

"It's this fucking freaks fault," Damien spat out angry and gestured towards Ian. "He freaked out at me, just started swinging away at me!"

"You probably deserved it," Nathan said and took a step back from where he was, right in front of Damien. He turned to look back at Ian. Ian shoved his way out of Clay's grasp and stormed away from where they had all been standing. Nathan took on last look at Damien before saying, "take your friend back in to cool off," he said towards Felix before jogging away from them and towards where Ian had gone off to.

When he reached Ian he was standing near the parked trucks they used during their shifts in town. His clothes were disheveled from the fight and they were covered in the dirt from the dry ground. Nathan walked up to him and said, "you know you're lucky that I'm the one who broke up that fight and not Owen. You'd both be in deep shit if he'd caught you."

"Whatever," Ian mumbled, clearly trying to blow off the fact that Nathan was even standing there.

"Not that I blame you," he said, "I've been wanting to punch that guy in the face for months."

Ian let a small smirk appear on his face before saying, "yeah, you and everyone else probably."

"What he do this time?"

"He just let his mouth run away with him."

Nathan scoffed, "oh yeah, he's never done that before." Nathan knew it must have been more though. He'd barely heard Ian speak more than two words the whole time he'd been there. There had to have been more that Damien said that really tipped him over the edge. This quiet kid probably wouldn't blow up over nothing. "What did he say to you?"

"He…" Ian trailed off and Nathan could tell that he was still fuming. "He said something about my girlfriend Maggie. Saying that if she were still alive… all the things he'd do to her. If I hadn't killed her."

Nathan knew that a few months before Ian had enlisted he'd been in a car accident with his girlfriend Maggie. He'd been driving and she was killed. He'd made it out with just injuries. He blamed himself for her death and he hadn't gotten over it. He probably wouldn't ever get over it. "It's not like I don't know that she died because of me," he said, "I know that."

"That accident, her death, it wasn't your fault."

"I was drinking that night. She told me not to drive and I didn't listen to her. It was my fault."

"It wasn't," Nathan said, "you can't control the situation. Shitty things are going to happen now matter what you do to try and control them. If they're supposed to happen, they're going to happen. Trust me I know. There wasn't anything I could do to save my best friend when he got sick. And there's nothing I can do to keep the girl I love from loving someone else. Shit happens, but you can't control it. You gotta live with it."

Ian nodded slightly and Nathan shrugged before adding, "I'm a little jealous though." He looked up at him with a confused look on his face so Nathan continued, "I mean that you got to hit him. Really I've been wanting to do that. How'd it feel?"

Ian laughed a little, "pretty good."

Nathan smiled before patting him on the shoulder and beginning to walk back towards the tent. The whole night had been exhausting and he just wanted sleep. He heard the footsteps behind him and he knew that Ian was following back with him. When he walked in and towards his bunk he saw Damien sitting on his bunk with his t-shirt balled up in his hand and pressed against his bleeding lip. Nathan smirked before going back to his bed and laying down. Damien had that coming for awhile. He was just surprised that it had taken that long for it to happen.

"He's been bitching since you left, "Clay said from over on his bunk. Nathan looked over at his friend and watched him shake his head in annoyance. "Doesn't think he did anything wrong."

"Yeah well he did," Nathan said, "trust me, he deserved that punch. Wish I was the one who gave it to him." Nathan looked at Damien one last time before settling back against his pillow. He stared up at the pictures in the springs above him before closing his eyes. He wished more than anything that the months would speed by. He wanted to get home now more than ever.

Haley walked out of her last class before she would go home for Christmas break. Finishing her last final seemed surreal to her. She didn't feel like she'd been in school long enough for the year to be half over already. But she wasn't going to complain. She was looking forward to getting back home and seeing her family. Although she knew it would be strange being back without Jake, she missed her parents. Not to mention her friends that would also be returning home.

Walking along the sidewalk toward her dorm she felt a cold breeze swirl around her and she wrapped her jacket tighter around herself. She walked quicker so she could get out of the cold. When her building came into sight her she made her way to the steps and jogged up them until she reached the glass door. She instantly felt warmth as she walked through the threshold. She walked over to their mailboxes and pulled out a key that would open their box. When she did she saw that it was already empty. Hoping that Oakley had already grabbed it, she shut it again before turning to the stairs.

When she walked through the door to her room she saw Oakley sitting on her bed in a pair of jeans and an over-sized sweatshirt that Haley knew belonged to Dave. The two of them had been spending a lot of time together over the past couple of months and even though they hadn't made it official yet, they were practically dating. Haley was happy for her friend. She seemed so happy whenever Dave was around and Haley couldn't deny that she was a bit jealous. She wanted someone that made her feel that way too. Even though she knew who she had in mind, she just wished that something might come out of it.

"Hey," Oakley said, her southern drawl coming out. "I got the mail when I got of class. I put your stuff on you're bed," she said motioning to Haley's bed where there we three envelopes sitting on the end of her bed.

Haley picked up the envelopes and looked through them. One she recognized was a letter from her mom. The handwriting on the outside gave it away quickly. The next was a letter from Lucas. Of course he would choose the old school way to keep in contact instead of a phone call. The last was a bill. Haley groaned and dropped the letters back on her bed. Still no letter from Nathan. She was beginning to worry. Why wouldn't he be writing her back? What if something happened to him?

"There wasn't a letter from Nathan?" Haley asked looking at her roommate trying to keep the desperation out of her voice.

Oakley shook her head, "nope," she said. "I can't believe he hasn't written you back yet."

Haley sat back on her mattress and shook her head, "yeah neither can I."

She had been nervous enough sending that last letter out, but now the fact that Nathan hadn't written her back made her all the more nervous. When she had written that she was starting to have feelings for Jonnie, she wondered if that was really fair. Before he left she thought there had been something between them. She knew that she felt something for him. But it seemed like he was trying hard to push her away. She felt more embarrassed the more she thought about it. He must not have wanted her. He told her not to wait for him. Maybe she wasn't what he wanted. All he wanted was a friend in her. Fine, she could be that. She could be his support.

Over time it became easier to accept that. The more she saw Jonnie and the more she got to know him, the more she began to fall for him. He had so many good qualities and he treated every one he knew well. He was funny and sweet and completely kind hearted and she didn't know what else she could want in a guy. He put his needs after everyone else's and he was never selfish. He always put the best of himself forward and she loved that. She was sure that he was one of the greatest people she knew.

Her phone vibrating in her pocket broke her out of her thoughts and she quickly pulled her phone out. Luke flashed on the screen and she quickly hit the answer button. "Oh," she said, "so you do know how to pick up a phone."

"Of course I do," he replied with a laugh. "How are ya Hales?"

"I'm pretty good," she replied and then moved back to lean against the wall. "How bout you? When are you coming home?"

"I leave tomorrow and as for the how am I doing… well I got dumped so I'm not so great."

"What?" Haley asked, shocked, "what do you mean you got dumped?"

"Brooke called me a few days ago and she broke up with me. She said that the distance made this too hard and that she just couldn't do it anymore. I feel like she's giving up too easy on us."

"I'm so sorry Luke. That really sucks."

Lucas sighed on the other end and then said, "it happens, who knows maybe when we're all home she'll change her mind or something."

"Yeah," Haley said, "you never know. Besides it's Brooke, and she loves you, even if things are shitty right now." There was a silence that passed between them before Haley said, "Luke have you talked to Nathan lately?"

"I haven't but he's been writing my parents and I guess he called them yesterday."

"So he's ok?" she asked, relief evident in her voice.

"Yeah, he's fine. Why?"

"He hasn't written me back. And he's not calling me. I don't know if he's just busy all the time or if he just doesn't want to talk to me. It's weird, normally he would have written back by now, but it's been almost a month and I haven't heard from him."

"I'm sure you will soon."

Haley agreed before letting out a sigh. She really hated not hearing from Nathan. It made her worry more than was probably healthy. She just wanted to know that he was ok. It made her so glad to know that Lucas knew he was ok. She didn't have to worry anymore. But even still, she wanted to hear from him. She missed him so much. It was almost killing her. He was her best friend and she just wanted to hear his voice or get a letter from him so that she could know that he was truly ok.

She talked with Lucas for a few more minutes before hanging up. She was going to see him in a few days and she couldn't wait. It had been such a long time and she couldn't wait to see her family and friends. Even though she would be without two of them, she still couldn't wait to get home.

Peyton laid on her bed with her hand resting against he now large baby bump. She traced patterns through her shirt onto her stomach and smiled when she felt a little kick in response. She couldn't wait to meet her baby. She was already so in love with them and she couldn't wait to meet them in person. It would be her little piece of Jake come to life and she couldn't wait. She looked up towards her closet and smiled when she saw Jake leaning against the door frame. It had been a few weeks since she'd seen him and she was beginning to worry that she wouldn't ever see him again. "Hey you," she said and sat up a little bit, "where've you been lately."

Jake shrugged, "oh you know, here and there."

She smiled, "well I missed you."

"I always miss you."

Jake walked closer to the bed and sat down on the edge and took in the sight of her. Her stomach seemed even bigger than the last time he saw her, if that was possible. She was glowing. She was absolutely beautiful. He wished that he could rest his hand against her baby bump and feel the kick of their child and the fact that he couldn't… it was more depressing than death.

"Am I going crazy?" Peyton asked. "I mean, this isn't normal."

Jake looked up at her face and sent her a half smile. "I don't know. All I know is that I'm not ready to be without you yet. I'm not ready to move on and leave you. I can't."

"I don't want you to. It's just this isn't fair either."

"There's no way to be happy in this situation."

Peyton nodded and rested her hand back on her stomach. "It's just not fair that they'll never meet you."

"I know," Jake replied sadly. He hated it just as much as she did.

Brooke's lips pressed against Julian's tightly as she sat on his lap. She wasn't sure how long they'd been kissing but it felt like hours and she didn't want to stop. The way his lips felt against hers was addicting. Part of her felt like she could live her whole life kissing him and she would be just fine. She felt Julian chuckle against her lips and he pulled away a second later. "Damn," he said, "I need a break."

Brooke pouted and he laughed before cupping her cheek and pecking her lightly on the lips before lifting her off his lap. He stood up and walked into the kitchen before getting a glass of water. When he came back he took a sip and then handed the glass to her and she did the same. He sat back down and smiled at her. "So I have a question," Julian said. Brooke nodded and waited for him to ask her whatever it was that he was going to ask. "So does this mean we're dating yet?"

Brooke bit her lip, "Julian…"

"Look I know that we've just been hanging out and doing whatever, but… I don't know we spend all our free time together anyway… why wouldn't we just make it official?"

"I haven't even been broken up with Lucas that long. And I don't want to be in a serious relationship right now. I've been in a relationship since I was a sophomore in high school. And it's not like I don't like you, I really do. But I just want to see where things go. I don't want to rush anything. If it's supposed to happen, I just want to let it happen on it's own."

"So there's nothing I can say that's gonna change your mind?" Julian asked with a subtle smile. Brooke shook her head and then pushed her hair behind her ears. "Fine," Julian said, "as long as I get to spend time with you then I'm happy."

"Good," Brooke said, "because I kind of like being around you."

He smiled again and leaned towards her before capturing her lips with his. She threaded her fingers through his hair and pulled him closer to her. She pulled away a few seconds later and said, "don't think just because you're a good kisser means you're going to get me to change my mind."

"Well I hadn't thought about that, but now that you mention it."

She slapped him gently in the shoulder before pulling him back in to kiss her. She did feel a little guilty that she didn't want to be exclusive with him, but she just wasn't ready. She hadn't been broken up with Lucas that long and it didn't seem right to rush into a new relationship. It just wasn't fair to him. But she couldn't help the fact that she liked Julian. She liked him a lot. She didn't want to feel guilty about wanting to spend time with him and kiss him. Which she happened to do a lot.

She knew eventually she wasn't going to be able to hold off her strong feelings for him. She'd had them practically since the second they met. He was such a charmer and she fell for him quickly. But for now she had to pretend to be happy with the set up they had. But she knew that she couldn't fight things for long.

Nathan curled the weight towards him while counting the number of reps in his head. He'd been working out for two hours straight and he could feel the pain in his muscles from carrying his gear around all day and then the work out. He knew he was going to be in a lot more pain the next morning, but at the moment he didn't care. He just needed something to keep his mind off Haley. He didn't need to think about what she'd said in her letter. It was just going to piss him off more. As much as he tried to not be jealous of Jonnie, a guy he barely knew, he couldn't help it. She was his Haley. Not some other random guy. Apparently Tony had been wrong when he said that Haley would have waited for him anyway.

Every time he thought about her with another guy he felt his stomach drop and his chest ache. The last thing he wanted to think of was her with another guy. It sickened him to no end. He just hoped that he'd never have to see them together in person. It was one thing to hear about it in a letter, but it was another thing to have to see it in real life. He hoped that when he got home he wouldn't have to see them. He wanted to see her of course. But he wanted to see her alone. Not with a boy that she was falling for.

He dropped the weight to the ground with a frustrated groan. He listened as it slammed into the dirt ground with a thud. "Big Time," Tony said, "you ok?"

Nathan shook his head before picking the weight back up and taking it over to the weight rack. He dropped it back into place and turned around to see Tony still standing there waiting for him to say something. "You've been pissed off for almost a month straight. What's up with you? Does it have something to do with your girl?"

"She uh, she's not my girl. She told me that there's this guy at her college that she… she really likes him and you know it's my fault. I told her that I didn't want her to wait for me so I pretty much pushed her at all the guys at her school."

"I thought you guys were like…"

"We're not anything," Nathan said harshly, mad at himself for not telling her how he felt when he had the chance. "She's not anything for me anymore."

"Come on man," Tony said, "you know that's not true. When you get home she's gonna see how much she missed you and that other dude, won't even matter."

"I don't think it's gonna work like that this time. As much as I want it to, I pushed her away and now it's too late."

"Nah," Tony said and shook his head before taking a few steps towards him, "it's never too late. Call her. Tell her how you feel. Tell her you don't want her with another guy. If she knows how you really feel about her, I guarantee it'll change the way she feels about him."

Tony patted Nathan on the shoulder before walking out of the tent. Nathan thought about what he said and finally he decided what the hell? Why not? He walked quickly out of the tent and towards Owen's tent. He pushed the door back and walked in and saw no sign of him. He looked around him before walking over to the makeshift desk that held the cell phone he'd used to call her before. He picked it up and quickly dialed her number. While it rang he tried to think of what he was going to say to her. He thought about just blurting it out when she answered the phone. Telling her how much he loved her right away and just getting it out there. Then he thought about leading into it a different way.

"Hello?" he heard her groggy voice ask on the other end.

Then he knew it was just time to wing it.

"Hey Hales it's me."

I love you and I miss you
What else is there to say?

Please review(: