"Is that cake?"

Prussia and Denmark both froze in place, their faces instantly draining of color as America's question reached their ears. Everyone could practically hear the crickets chirping in the dead silence that followed.

"That's a cake," America finally said, her tone very sure. She stepped forward as the two men looked at her and then each other warily. "It looks good!"

Look good it did indeed, America was not wrong on that one. The cake itself was humongous—chocolate, if Denmark recalled correctly. It was covered in a thick layer of blue and yellow icing with cute marshmallow creations that looked kind of like Vikings on long rowboats made of chocolate-covered bananas.

Earlier that day, Denmark had invited Prussia over to enjoy manly bonding, which basically meant they were going to eat meat and watch porn. These were things they couldn't do with America present considering 1) America ate all the meat and 2) America always made commentary on the porn.

America had been cool with being left out in this instance, stating that she and Canada were going to spend the weekend searching for Sasquatch anyway.

A few hours into their manly bonding (they were playing on an old Atari at this point while snarfing down cheddar-filled bratwurst) the doorbell rang and Denmark went to answer. Standing at the door had been Finland clutching a bright blue Tupperware container with a big smile on her face.

Of course Denmark had let her in and of course he had said he could keep that cake at his house until Sve's birthday the next day. He hadn't expected his gluttonous girlfriend to show up anytime soon, anyway, so he had carelessly left it on the kitchen table before going back to kicking Prussia's ass in Pole Position.

But as it turned out, America and Canada had cut their search for Sasquatch short when America realized she forgot to pack Oreos and decided it was a bad omen to the beginning of their hunt, so she had called the whole thing off then and there and decided to pop in on her friends considering she still had a few days off.

Of course, when she'd walked in, her creepy Food Senses started tingling and she had zeroed in on the Tupperware. Luckily, Denmark's intuition picked up just in time and he walked into the kitchen just as America was pulling the lid off.

Prussia, too, had followed, mostly pissed that Denmark ditched out without saying anything, but upon seeing America, he had swooped in and yanked the lid out of her hands and hid the cake as Denmark did his best to distract her by giving her a hello kiss and a hug.

But America had seen cake and she was not going back. She had failed at finding Sasquatch, but she would not fail in her never ending mission to consume any and all food she came across. That, and to dig a hole all the way to China just so she could pop her head out of the ground and yell about making left turns in Albuquerque.

"Can I have some?"

Oh, crap. Denmark instantly began to panic, knowing full well he could never say no to her, but Prussia didn't have such a problem. After all, he wasn't the one having sex with her.

"Nein, you can't," Prussia said confidently, ignoring her narrowed eyes. "Finland says this is for Sveden's birthday, so you'll have to vait like everyone else."

Apparently forgetting that America had an incurable case of entitlement, this reasoning flew right over her head. She simply ignored the comment and began to move in like a lion sneaking up on it's prey.

"Just one bite," she insisted.

Prussia continued to deny her this, but Denmark was having serious problems keeping himself from just handing the cake over with a smile on his face.

But then he really got to thinking. Whose wrath did he want to face? Hungry America or furious Finland? Even though Finny didn't look it, that little bitch was one psycho badass when she wanted to be. Though it kind of made sense—how else could someone stay married to Sweden in his most formidable years? Then again, America was a total psycho badass, too.

Decisions, decisions.

America, meanwhile, was getting to her wit's end. Instead of continuing her argument with Prussia (which consisted of witty zingers like, "Just gimme some, dude" and "No vay, you're not eating this"), she quickly yanked her shirt up and flashed them both. Anything for cake.

The reaction was instant. Both of their mouths fell open and once Denmark got over the initial shock of being given a full-frontal view of her chest, he realized that if he could see her gloriousness, so could Prussia, and Denmark was not having that bullshit.

"Stop fucking looking at her, dumbass!" Denmark punched Prussia in the gut and found himself shoved back. "Hey!"

"She's the one who flashed both of us! How am I not supposed to look?!"

As the two argued, America snuck over, a nasty grin on her face as she yanked the lid off and dipped her finger into the thick blue frosting. She then shoved the glorious sugary glob into her mouth.

Immediately, a chain reaction of doom began. America's sole purpose in that moment was to consume, consume, consume more sugar, like some kind of sugar-focused black hole.

When Denmark realized what had happened, it was far too late. He lunged himself at her before she could shove her face in it and yanked her back. "Prussia, the cake!"

Prussia reattached the lid and America was zoned out as the gears in her mind began to shift all her priorities into the one goal of obtaining and consuming as much sugar as possible.

Denmark quickly tugged America toward the door and instructed Prussia to hide the cake. America silently stood on the doorstep as Denmark gave her a quick kiss, an apology, a "This is for your own good" and then shut the door in her face.

He then stood there for a few long moments when he realized what he had just done. Panicked, he peeked out the window and was surprised to see she was no longer there. A lace of paranoia shot through him and he shouted for Prussia.

Emerging from somewhere in the house, Prussia raised an eyebrow at Denmark's panic. "Vhat?"

"We need to barricade the house."

"Come again?"

Denmark raced into the living room and grabbed his sofa, beginning to drag it to the door. "Mia's only going to try to get in to eat that cake and trust me when I say we do not want Finland on our asses. Chick's a total nutjob, and even worse, if she's pissed, Sve is pissed."

Understanding lit in Prussia's eyes and he nodded, grabbing a dining chair to add to the barricade. Deep down, both of them knew the battle was already lost, but they had to try something.

"And you said this was a waste of money." America laughed. "'When would you ever need a jackhammer, Amelia?' you said. 'That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard, Amelia!' you said. Well, well, well. It looks like the skirt is on backwards now, Mattie!"

Canada watched his sister incredulously as she positioned the jackhammer (not just the jackhammer, her jackhammer—one she'd bought for recreational use, originally to find mole people as Canada recalled but had been collecting dust in her storage in recent days) on the sidewalk pavement and grinned almost maniacally. He watched her, unimpressed, as she moved for the power switch.

"You're doing all this for some cake?"

"Not just a cake, Mattie, the cake. European sweets are way better than anything we've got. Except Iggy's, but that's a given." America sighed wistfully. "I will make a sharknado become a reality and destroy Mathias's house if it means I'll get that cake."

"Won't a sharknado also destroy the cake?"

"Pssh!" America shook her head as if Canada had just asked the stupidest question she'd ever heard in her life. "That cake's in Tupperware! Ain't nothing getting through that plastic force field."

"I see."

Canada had more or less shown up to watch America go through incredible lengths to acquire a cake. He never passed up the opportunity to watch his little sister jump through unnecessary hoops to get something as silly as a cake.

"Here we go!" America started the jackhammer up and began to drill. She was going to drill a hole, but she wasn't heading to China yet. She had a much more important destination in mind.

When Finland opened the door to the bedroom Prussia had hid the cake in, everyone stared in absolute shock.

Denmark and Prussia had spent the night behind a thick layer of furniture that was pressed up against all the doors and most of the windows in the house. Denmark had then raided his old Viking memorabilia and had armed them both to the teeth, an image of Rambo-America jumping through the ceiling vivid in both their minds as they stayed up all night, paranoid and terrified. It was just a well-known fact that you didn't get in the way of America and her food. One way or another, she would get what she wanted, and if someone lost a limb in the process, so be it.

All night they had just heard this loud noise that had shaken the house, but there had been no sign of America. Not until that morning when they found the massive hole in Denmark's kitchen floor.

Of course, that was when Finland decided to show up to collect the cake. Prussia had nervously led them to the room he'd hidden the cake in, which was Denmark's guest room, and had opened the door.

What they saw was not what anyone was expecting because not only was there one North American sibling passed out in a sugar coma on the floor, there was a second one. Both America and Canada were covered in blue and yellow frosting and were sprawled on the bed, snoring peacefully. America had stolen all the covers and had her feet pressed against Canada's back, but if her brother noticed, he didn't seem too bothered. He was probably used to it, having been forced to endure it all throughout their childhood.

"Fuck," Denmark grumbled, throwing his axe on the ground. "Failure."

"Failure is not in my awesome vocabulary," Prussia said half-heartedly, knowing full-well that they had certainly failed. He was even more horrified that he wasn't at all surprised by it.

Finland had yet to say anything. Both men looked at her nervously as she fished around in her pockets and yanked out a cell phone. She silently took a picture, giggled, and then sent it to England so he could thoroughly coo and sputter about how cute they were.

"Thanks for trying you guys," Finland said, giving them both reassuring smiles. "Although it did take me a long time to make that cake… Although I bet France has something. I would be surprised if he didn't."

"You're… not mad?"

"No." Finland giggled. "Truthfully, I see a lot of myself in those two. That's why I brought the cake here, so I wouldn't eat it. So if they hadn't gotten to it, I would have. Besides, Sea made scones for him and I know that'll make him really happy, even if those things are… well, you know. It's the thought that counts."

Prussia and Denmark nodded in understanding as Finland excused herself and wished them a nice day.

Meanwhile, Canada stirred from his slumber. As he moved, he jerked America awake. She shot up, blinking in surprise as she saw her friends standing in the doorway, staring at her and her brother.

With uncharacteristic silence, America grabbed her brother and proudly marched out of the room victorious, down the stairs and to the kitchen. The both of them then jumped into the hole she'd drilled in the floor and made their way outside. Denmark and Prussia looked out the window and saw them climb out of the other side of the hole and then head off into the sunset, Indiana Jones style.

"Vhat the hell?" Prussia grumbled. "Vhy did they climb out the hole vhen they could have just used the door?!"

Author Notes

No one gets between America and her cake. That is a serious offense, just saying. Denmark and Prussia should have known better, am I right? Haha, so this update took me a bit longer, but you know, life and stuff being all stupid and intrusive. Bleh.

-Atari/Pole Position-Atari is this old gaming system that rocks and Pole Position is a racing game you can play with it. It's actually pretty fun, I enjoy that game a lot, mostly because it's one of the few games I'm good at.

-Left turn in Albuquerque-Anyone get this Looney Toons reference? I loved that show. Hell, I still love that show. My favorite character has always been and will always be Marvin the Martian.

-Finland is a total psycho badass-Finland may be a "delicate flower", but they basically bitch slapped the Red Army when they tried to invade back in the day. Seriously, Finland is kickass, no joke.

-Like hell Canada went all the way to Denmark just to drop off America's jackhammer. He was getting some compensation and it is obviously in the form of that cake. I have a feeling these two share more similarities than they let on, you know?

-Haha, it's not even close to Sweden's national holiday. That would be in June. But who needs logical time frames?! Time is figment of our imaginations or whatever smart people say.

Hope you guys enjoy! As always, thanks for all the luuuuuuve this fic is getting! It makes me want to jump up and down on my bed, but I don't think my downstairs neighbors would appreciate that. Also I think I would bash my head into my ceiling, so my upstairs neighbor probably wouldn't like that, either.

Sayonara and see ya!