The Bizarre Saga: Majora's Mask
Chapter 14: That was a Close One!
Previously on The Bizarre Saga, Link randomly fell asleep, Navi used the strategy guide a lot, Saria was a beastly arrow master, Tatl realized she wasn't talking very much and they finally set off for the Great Bay.Now for Chapter Fourteen.
DAWN OF THE FIRST DAY
72 HOURS REMAIN
"Hey," Saria started. "I realized I hardly played my ocarina through the entire story."
"Well, you haven't needed to," Navi said. "Mostly, the only songs we've needed to play are the Song of Time and the Song of Double Time, which only work on the Ocarina of Time. There's supposed to be another song that slows down time, called the Inverted Song of Time, but we've never needed it because time passes way faster in the game than it does here."
"Come to think of it, I remember that talking scarecrow from Chapter 4 telling me about that."
"Yeah, it's use in the game is to slow the flow of time, making everybody but you move slower, but not talk slower or anything like that. Since time passes slower than time slowed down in the game when time passes normally in this story, time slowed down in this story would probably be normal time in Hyrule in these stories."
"I didn't understand most of what you said," Link pointed out.
"My point is that if we slowed down time in this story, time would pass like it does in Hyrule in this story."
"Why do you keep saying in this story?"
"Because time passes faster in the game than it does in this story!"
"Time is so complicated…" Indeed it is, Link. Indeed it is.
"Are you saying we should slow down time so it makes more sense?" Saria asked.
"Kind of," Navi answered.
"I have to say that would be a little weird for me," Tatl spoke. "When Skull Kid, Tael and I were in the Lost Woods, we made one of those garden clocks that work by the sun, don't ask how, and realized that time passed slower than it does in Termina, and not too long after that we realized we weren't in Termina anymore."
"Why don't we just leave time the way it is?" Link suggested. "My head hurts from all this time talk."
"Yeah, let's just go to the Great Bay," Saria said. "Where's the exit where you go straight forward to get there?"
"West Gate," Tatl told her.
"The place with the psycho banker?"
"Uh, sure."
"There's the exit," Tatl said when they entered West Clock Town. They walked over to the guard.
"Stop right there! Have you some errand at the ocean? It's dangerous outside town, so I cannot allow children like you to… A sword? My apologies. It was wrong of me to treat you like children. At Great Bay, you can see clear to the ocean. It lies this way. Be careful," the guard told them.
"Of course," Saria mumbled.
"Whoa," Tatl spoke, stopping. "Look at that fence."
"I see the fence," Link stated.
"I mean, seriously. That fence is blocking the way AND has blood stains on it. I think that people tried to get over there and that's why."
"Now I see why we had to do that side quest! So we could jump over the fence with our horses! How come you didn't tell us, Navi?"
"I didn't see a need to," Navi replied. "After all, we were doing the quest already."
"But wait, if we went back in time, don't you think that our horses would still be trapped behind the fence?" Tatl asked.
Link played Epona's song. The two horses came running up to them.
"How in the world…?"
"The strategy guide says that they put the fence down after you complete the side quest, and the two horses get through the boulder somehow. They don't run off until you play the song either… None of this really makes sense, because the sisters don't know us yet either. Just forget it…" Navi said.
"Maybe it would help if we just forget all this and say it just happened," Saria said.
"Good idea."
"Stop pushing me, Chase!" Epona ordered to Chase in horse language.
"But I love you!" Chase neighed.
"Come on!" Link said. He mounted Epona. "Jump over that spiky fence, Epona!"
"Are you kidding? Heck no!" Epona yelled, but Link couldn't understand her, of course. "That thing has blood stains on it!" However, since she was walking in the opposite direction of the fence, Link could tell she didn't want to.
"Maybe if you think happy thoughts you'll fly over the fence."
"Are you stupid?"
"Just jump over the fence, Epona," Navi told her. "The strategy guide says that you won't get any injuries doing it."
"If you say so."
"I know so."
"You can talk to animals?" Link asked.
"I'm a fairy. Of course I can talk to animals."
"I can't talk to animals!" Tatl said.
"It's a long an complicated story that has to do with where the fairy grew up. I really don't want to start talking about it or else things will get complicated again."
"Here goes nothing," Epona muttered in horse language. She leaped over the fence and didn't get a single scratch. Link, though, fell off when Epona hit the ground.
"… Ow," Link muttered.
After Saria and Chase jumped over, they set off into the Great Bay.
"Wow, a beach!" Link exclaimed. "Let's throw a party!"
"Let's not," Navi said. "We're here to save Termina, not throw beach parties. And even so, nobody's outside, the water is murky and for Nayru's sake, there are MONSTERS trying to kill you!"
"Wow, I'm invincible!" Epona neighed. "They aren't hurting me!"
"That's what the guide says. Now stop speaking because you're a horse."
"But I'm still talking in horse language."
"That doesn't matter."
"Fine."
"Look!" Tatl exclaimed. "There's a person floating in the water! Push him to shore!"
"What if he's dead? That would be a waste of strength," Link said.
"LINK!"
"Okay, okay!" Link pulled the Zora to shore. "But he probably drowned."
"He's a Zora, he can't drown."
"Help me…" the Zora pleaded.
"We already pulled you to shore," Saria told him.
"Oh. Well I still need you to help me…"
"With what?"
"I am Mikau of the Indigo-Gos. I must tell you in a song."
"What?"
Mikau suddenly jumped up and started playing a bone guitar. "BABY YOU'RE EGGS WERE STOLEN BY PIRATES BABY I TRIED TO SAVE THEM BUT I WAS THROWN IN THE WATER BY THEM BABY BABY BABY OW OH BABY EVIL PIRATES BABY OH." He fell to the ground again.
"… Holy crap."
"I am in so much pain… Physically and mentally…"
"SONG OF HEALING!" Link stated. He played the Song of Healing on his ocarina and Mikau faded away, leaving the mask.
"… Did you just do that to the famous guitarist of a rock band?" Tatl asked.
"Yep!"
"Everybody is going to hate you! You just got rid of the most famous guitarist in Termina! How could you do that?"
"Oh please. When I wear this mask, everybody is going to think I'm him. That's what happened with all the Gorons!"
"All the Gorons? It was only that idiot Goron Elder!" Saria said.
"Maybe this time it will be better."
Link got the Zora Mask!
He put it on. When he transformed, he looked about thirty percent like Mikau. "How could anybody mistake you for Mikau?" Saria asked. "You hardly look like him at all! And people are going to think you're wearing a skirt!"
"It's supposed to work out…" Navi spoke.
"And tell me why we did that side quest for those weird masks that was between scene one and this scene?"
"NEVER DOUBT THE STRATEGY GUIDE!"
"Okay, okay. Where does it say to go next?"
"Hey, wait," Tatl spoke. "It would be horrible to kill- I mean, use the Song of Healing on the famous guitarist without making a grave, even if he disintegrated."
"But we're going to play the Song of Time once we're done with this."
"What if somebody comes before then?" Link asked, on Tatl's side.
"Fine, we'll put a grave there."
Some grave related things later…
"Man, it sure was lucky that we found that giant fish skeleton to really set it off!" Link stated.
"What difference does it make?" Saria asked. "It's not like it matters if we put a fish skeleton there. Besides, if everybody is going to think you're Mikau, then why did we make a grave for him?!"
"… I didn't really think that through…" Tatl, however, didn't say anything because she realized it was a waste of time halfway through.
"No where in the strategy guide says that somebody will notice," Navi said. "We're good."
"What the heck, Navi! This is a parody! The author can do whatever they want!" Saria yelled.
"Whatever! We're going to a pirate's hideout next, that's what the strategy guide says. The entrance is underwater."
"That leaves one problem. I CAN'T BREATHE UNDERWATER! Nor can I swim very fast!"
"Maybe the Zora's sell some kind of item that doesn't exist in the game that allows you to breathe underwater."
"I still can't swim very fast. The Kokiri Forest doesn't have any kind of large swimming area. It hardly has a swimming area at all!"
"Hey, it's not like there can't be any way for you to go on."
"Well, where do the Zoras live around here?"
"Well, it's not exactly live. They all live here, but they don't actually live anywhere here in specific. They all just hang around the Indigo-Go's theater."
During this whole conversation, Link had discovered that his ocarina turned into a fish bone guitar and was attempting to play it. However, since he had never had any experience with it at all, and never even thought about it before, he pretty much failed and the music sounded horrible.
Later at the Indigo-Go's theater…
"I still think nobody's going to believe you're Mikau," Saria said.
"Mikau! Nice to see you!" one of the Zora's greeted. "I'm loving the new look!"
"I wonder where my room is," Link stated, looking at all the doors with Zoras in front of them.
"Link, we're here to go to the store and see if they sell the things I want."
"Yeah, yeah, it's all about you."
"Fine then, you can wander off and do all you want. But I'm taking Navi with me this time. Tatl, you stay with him."
"Hey! You can't leave me with him!" Tatl yelled. "Navi is his guardian fairy!"
"Hey, be glad Navi is even here at all. In the games she leaves at the end of Ocarina of Time and you never see her again after that. So normally, you'd always be stuck with him, with nobody else at all."
"Fine." After all, she would probably get to meet all the famous Indigo-Gos.
"Hey you," Saria called to the Zora behind the desk in the store. "Do you have anything that lets you breathe underwater?"
"As a matter of fact we do!" the Zora replied. "We have a whole lot of them because most of the people around here can already breathe underwater. They're only 30 rupees because of that."
"Here." Saria handed him the money.
Saria got a Water Necklace!
"How in the world does a necklace help you breathe underwater anyway?"
"Magic," Navi spoke.
Saria sighed. "Of course. Hey, how about swimming faster too?"
"Underwater rocket shoe part!" the Zora said, holding some contraption up. "Again, most Zoras can practically glide through the water, so it's 50 rupees."
"I thought things cost a certain amount depending on how hard it was to make it or something, or how important it is," Navi stated. "How come-" Saria grabbed her before she made the price go up.
"Money," Saria spoke. She put a purple rupee on the desk.
Saria got an Underwater Rocket Shoe Part! It happens to fit her perfectly!
"So how does it work?"
"Automatically," the Zora answered. "It lets you swim as fast as a Zora, and all you have to do is dive and press the A button!"
"Why do people always say that? It makes no sense."
"Maybe in the story it means it's automatic depending on the situation," Navi told her. "Mind controlled."
"Sure…"
Meanwhile, with Link and Tatl…
"Sup Mikau! You wanna go into your room? Sure thing!" the Zora in front of Mikau's room said, stepping out of the way.
"Sweet," Link spoke. He entered the room to see a fat Zora that hardly looked like a Zora at all playing fish drums.
"Why do those drums look alive?" Tatl asked him.
"Uh, it's just painted that way to look cool," he answered. "Whew! That was a close one."
"What?"
"Nothing."
"I'm pretty sure I heard you say something."
"Uh, hi Mikau! What's hanging?"
Link looked at the ceiling, "It looks a big bone ceiling decoration."
"Hahaha, you never change, Mikau!"
"… So your name is Tojo or something, right?" Tatl asked.
"IT'S ALWAYS THAT WAY! NOBODY EVER REMEMBERS THE NAME OF THE DRUMMER! IT'S LIKE I DON'T EXIST! YOU ALWAYS REMEMBER THE NAME OF THE SINGER AND THE GUITARIST, AND EVEN THE BASSIST, BUT YOU NEVER, AND I MEAN NEVER, REMEMBER THE DRUMMER!"
"Uh, you could just answer my question."
"NO! I CAN'T ANSWER YOUR QUESTION, BECAUSE I'M JUST THE LAME, BORING DRUMMER!"
Tatl sighed. "Your my brother's favorite band member."
The drummer immediately lifted up his head. "Really?"
"Yes. Because of you, he always wanted to play the drums."
"Wow! I suddenly feel a lot better! The name is Tijo, by the way. Not Tojo. You were close though."
"Uh, the Zora outside said this was my room. He didn't say anything about me having a roommate," Link said.
"If you had a brother or something and shared a room, do you expect somebody to call it 'your room' or 'your's and your brother's room'?"
"I don't know, I don't have a brother."
"Link!" Tatl whispered into Link's ear. "You're supposed to be Mikau, not yourself."
"Oh, right. How about we change the subject while I ask you why my room is up there?"
"Don't you remember? I guess I'll tell you again."
Flashback!
"Well, it looks like we don't have enough room for everybody to get their own room," the worker Zora said. "Since Japas snores very loudly, and nobody wants to share a room with him, Lulu is a girl so she gets her own room, and the manager is self-centered, it looks like you and Mikau are going to need to share a room. Too bad he's not here to decide anything."
"Yeah," Tijo replied. "He had to go out on a date with Lulu today. Well, let's go in and decide how we're going to split it."
The Zora and Tijo entered what would eventually be their room. Tijo looked around.
"I know how we'll split it! I'll get the bottom, he'll get the top. It's brilliant! Now, put water pools in those two spots in the corners so I have an excuse for splitting it like that."
"All right then."
End of Flashback!
"And that's how it happened!" Tijo said. "Oh no, I said parts that I wasn't supposed too! I wasn't supposed to tell you about the excuse!"
"What? I only heard the part about splitting the room. What excuse?" Link asked.
"Oh, good. That was a close one!"
"So how do I get up there…?"
"Oh… While you were gone for a really long time trying to get Lulu's eggs back, I accidentally broke the ladder trying to get up there and invade your journal."
"WHAT?" Link was actually acting like he was Mikau that time.
"I'm just kidding! I was just trying to get up there and tidy up your desk for you."
"Oh, that's good."
"That was a close one!"
"WHY THE HECK DO YOU KEEP SAYING THAT?!" Tatl yelled. "I can hear you!"
"I'm just saying that to be funny! None of that actually happened!"
"Oh, good." However, Tatl was being sarcastic.
"Whew, that was a close one!"
"SEE?"
"GARGLE!" Tijo jumped into one of the pools.
"… Maybe we should just leave," Link said. "This guy seems pretty weird."
"Yeah…" Tatl spoke slowly while they exited the room.