Hello! I have not died (yet)! It is summer again! The sun shines, the grass dances, and the geese poop in my backyard! What gifts the great and eternal mother that is Summer bestows upon us? All that stuff plus an elusive update from me. Glorious!

Disclaimer: Standard rules still apply.

Chun suddenly straightened up from her slouched position on the couch. "Say, Hitomi," her Hazel eyes twinkled in the dim light produced from the glowing curtain, "is your husband going to be home today?"

It was one of those weird, random days where the date says it should be a perfect temperature outside but suddenly the sun pops out and says, "Hell no, bitch, Imma make you sweat like a pig". This exact situation was what brought Hinata and Chun to lie in her darkened living room, Chun's form on the couch, and Hinata's form facedown on the cool, wooden floor. Cocking her head up from its previously squished position, Hinata squinted through her tangled messed-up hair at the young woman, confused at her question.

"Um…yes. I s-suppose so, wh-why do you a-ask?" Hinata eyes crossed as she attempted to blow away a strand of hair out of her face.

"Well," Chun began again, her tone moving from inquisitive to coy as Hinata continued to try to blow that stubborn lock away from her face, "if what I hear at the public hot spring is true, you have quite the looker for a hubby."

Hinata stopped mid-huff; her cheeks still puffed out as she uncrossed her eyes and focused them onto her new "best friend". "E-excuse me?" She had to have heard her friend wrong. Chun would never say –

"I hear he is hot." She once again repeated, slightly more bluntly. Still uncomprehending, Hinata stared blankly at her. Chun sighed, "You know, blazing, beauteous, banging, choice, fervent, fine, foxy, hot stuff, jiggy, mackable, mint, primo, tasty, smokin'?"

"S-Smoking?" Hinata could not figure her out, "s-sure, I guess he's p-pretty ano, 'choice', but he's not 's-smokin'…"

And then with dainty brow arched, Sasuke strode into the room, pushing back his long black sleeves, his perfectly taunt forearms glistening with perspiration from his day's work. "I'm home" his rich toned voice called out softly as Hinata quickly righted herself from her previous position on the floor.

"S-Sorry Sadao-kun," she cried out, pushing off the floor and launching herself towards the kitchen, "I l-lost track of time, d-dinner will be d-done s-soon!"

"No," he glanced over at the crazed woman who was still trying to scurry off into the kitchen, "it's fine: I'm not that hungry." Hinata's movement's halted.

Sasuke's attention shifted from Hinata to Chun, who had stood up. "Oh, never mind me, I'm just going to my own house to see my own husband where I'll cook my own food for my husband and myself" she said before scooting past Sasuke, giving Hinata a thumbs up and mouthing the words 'nice work!' and scuttling out the door.

Silence fell over the awkward two left in the room as they tried to work out just how the air became that way. Hinata slumped back into a chair. The only to hear was a persistent ticking noise.

Tick. Tick. Tick. Hinata swore she was going insane.

Tick. Tick Tick. Sasuke swore he was going mad.

Tick. Tick. Crash. And suddenly the book sitting next to Hinata was missing and the room was mysteriously quiet. "Thank you" Sasuke said, surprised at her actions.

"You're welcome" Hinata said, surprised at his words. And so the two slipped back into an odd quiet comfort in which nothing was said, dinner was made, and dishes were washed. All was back to normal, thought Hinata as she moved away from where Sasuke was reading reports towards the bedroom. Hinata paused at the end of the living room, where the glow from Sasuke's lamp just barely touched, and biting her lip, wondered if she should say a quick goodnight.

Briefly Sasuke looked up, spotted her at the edge of the lamp's glow and dug up the courage to ask her the one question that had been bothering him all night: "Hitomi," her gaze snapped to his as her teeth released her plump lower lip, "who was smoking?"

Face flushed, she quickly said goodnight and ran into the bedroom leaving a very confused Sasuke with many questions and five more reports to read by himself.

"So, Sadao," began his new teammate, "I hear your wife is pretty choice." Only two weeks into the new job and suddenly everyone on his three-man team knows his business. Life was great. Sasuke sent a glare at the man, hoping that his insides would rot and his blood would boil within the next two seconds. "Kind and sweet, gentle and virtuous," he continued on before pinning Sasuke with a look, "not at all like you! Say, how'd you get a wife like her?" Sasuke began tuning him out since the rotting-innards and blood boiling didn't work out for him. "I mean, if I could have found a woman like her I would've never had married my…" It was often very helpful to have selective hearing when dealing with loud-mouthed people who can't seem to shut up. It was the end of the day, the sun was setting in the horizon and there was one less criminal to deal with in the immediate area. Really, now that Sasuke thinks about it, he and his two partners are more like a termination squad more than anything. They've even got underlings. No seriously, that's what they called them.

It wasn't until Sasuke was standing at the door to his apartment that he noticed that Sora, the teammate who refused to stop talking, was still with him. Glaring Sasuke turned and faced the man, who began to innocently whistle. Unable to stand any of the idiot's antics, let alone his whistling, Sasuke rubbed his forehead wirily, "Why are you still here?"

"I heard your wife was prime."

"That does not answer my question and where would you hear such a thing?"

"I want to see her and I heard it from a guy who knows a guy who was training when he intercepted the enemy's signal where another guy was describing how he overheard this one chick at the grocery store who was talking about you to your wife, who was said to be grade A beef."

"Right…and why do you keep referring to my wife as meat?" Unfortunately, just as his teammate drew in a breath to reply, his lovely wife opened the door a crack and poked her head out.

"S-Sadao? Is that you?" Grunting in the affirmative, Sasuke looked at her questioningly. Why was she waiting for him at the door? Glancing at his teammate out of the corner of his eye, he could see that whatever his teammate had thought about Hinata was way below what she actually looked like. Hell, if he could admit that Hinata was not bad looking to the average male Hinata must of looked like a Shinto or Buddhist deity.

Hinata, having noticed Sasuke's companion, had begun stuttering out an apology that they could not entertain him tonight, but having seen the marriage ring on his left hand, bade him to come back with his wife another night.

As Sora rounded the corner further down the street, Hinata opened the door wider to let Sasuke in.

Really, she didn't know how to break it to Sasuke. After all, it really was quite peculiar and more than likely bad news. Sasuke had begun to take off his shoes, one hand against the wall to keep his balance. Swallowing the nervousness that had accumulated between the time of Sasuke's friend's disappearance (who knew that he had friends?) and the present time, she began. "Um, S-Sadao?" He paused in the task of removing his shoes and glanced up at her. Hinata noticed him carefully taking in the fact that she was still close to the door and had her shoes on.

"Yes?" he answered, setting his half un-strapped shoe on the floor.

"We h-have an a-appointment with y-your boss. It c-came just a f-few minutes ago." She noticed his eyes tighten as his large hands twitched: a sign of anger. She hoped it wasn't directed at her.

"Well, I suppose we should go then." He replied undoing his recent efforts at taking off his shoes. All Hinata could do was nod in the affirmative.

Well this was a first for Hinata. As a spy she had naturally been in a great many number of interrogation cells: sometimes with people, sometimes alone. But really, she had never once in her five-year commitment with her firm come across an interrogation cell completely made of shiny metal. Yes, that's right. The table was metal, the seats were metal, the floor was metal, the walls were metal, the door was metal, even the little cups that they gave them some water in were metal. The only thing not metal was the overly reflective two-way mirror that sat in the middle of the wall across from them, though really, it might as well have been metal for all the color differentiating it did. Hinata supposed that it was good that there wasn't a window because if even just a spot of sunlight fell into the room it would blind all its occupants and turn the room into an oven. And really, if all the metal was suppose to intimidate them it wasn't working too well, being as she thought it more funny than intimidating. She would actually have laugh out loud if it weren't for the little dark cloud sitting next to her.

Yes, she and Sasuke were sitting side-by-side together in a metal box, drinking water out of a metal cup, not talking to each other. She briefly entertained that maybe they were trying to see who would snap first (would she take her metal cup and knock herself out or would Sasuke do it for her?) but then remembered that as far as they know it shouldn't be this horrible for them because they are married after all.

The metal door swung open for the first time in forty-five minutes as a man in a dark suit and glasses strode in. Really, who did these people think they were? If things got any cheesier Hinata would have to surely be dreaming. "Mr. and Mrs. …" the man looked down at a file he was carrying, "Nakahito? I'm sure you're wondering why you're here today in this room. We at Diamond-Back Company would like to apologize for any inconveniences we have given either of you." Hinata could hear Sasuke scoff next to her; something she would like to do herself simply from the speech the man was giving her. The man flipped a piece of computer paper covered in words. Hinata mentally died a little: was he actually reading off of a script? "The Diamond-Back Company has been around for many years and during that time period has successfully because one of the worlds leading companies. This, however, was not accomplished without careful observation of those who were and are closely related with the company. To ensure the safety of the company we casually observed the newer members of our extensive family until they have shown they can be trusted. Unfortunately, Nakahito-san, you have captured our attention during your observation period. It would seem that your," he flipped to another page before flipping back, "'lack of affection as compared to other newlyweds' has aroused suspicion in our agency."

Deadpanned, Sasuke lifted and eyebrow. "Our 'Lack of affection'? How does that even make sense?"

The man looked up for the first time during his visit with them. "Well, Nakahito-san, it would seem that there is a lack of passion between you and your wife. In fact," he paused, turning to one of the pages in the file, "your alleged wife once slapped you when you attempted to put the moves on her. Now, Nakahito-san, I'm sure you're going to insist that you're innocent and that your love is pure and I won't believe you and will eventually get to a teary-eyed confession so let's just skip those parts: tell me your real names and we'll let you go."

Hinata had been silent for most of the exchange, that was true, but really the intensity of the conversation between her "husband" and this man was enough to send her into shock. The hidden threat behind the man's words was tangible. Oh, they'd let them go alright. They would let them go in pieces to the marina.

Sasuke's brow furrowed and his eyes narrowed: "My name is Nakahito, Sadao. I have a wife and her name is Nakahito, Hitomi. We are married and have been for the past three months. My wife and I will walk out of the door to your right in about five seconds. Now, being as I am a lenient man, I will forget this little…blunder on your part as if it never happened." Sasuke, who had been sitting, stood up, his heavy metal chair screeched against the metal floor in an unbearable way.

Hinata was really too stunned to do anything. Never in a million years had she expected Sasuke to become so passionate. It was weird. It was confusing. It was exciting. Seeing Sasuke in such an emotional state like this was exhilarating. She felt almost as if she were intruding, almost like it was a secret. A secret she honestly wanted to keep to herself.

She felt long, cool fingers wrap around her wrist before being, mostly, pulled up. "Come Hitomi, let's leave." His strides were confident as he made two towards the door, her stumbling along behind him just barely managing to stutter out a yes.

"Now Nakahito-san this is exactly what we at The Diamond-Back Company are talking about. Look at how your wife staggers behind you, the meek little thing. Now you simply cannot convince anyone that there is a passion between you two: a love of any sort. You two will be going nowhere until the boss either clears you or accepts your resignation to the company." The company – life – same difference, Hinata supposed.

Sasuke's grip on her arm tightened as his brow furrowed deeper. "This is getting to be ri-god-damn-diculous." Suddenly he turned around and, grabbing her other wrist in his hand, pushed Hinata against the cool metal of the wall, pinning her to it. His long body pushed against her shorter one as his lips crashed unto hers.

Hinata's eyes widened at the sudden intrusion of her personal space before they fluttered close, her own dead lips suddenly mocking his just as fiercely as his moved against hers. A small graze of his tongue was all the warning she had before he thrust it inside her mouth and challenged her in a battle of dominance. His left hand, once pinning her arms above her, traced down her arm to her cheek where it fisted some of the hair near it at its base and pushed her further into the wall. With her hands now free, she returned the favor and grabbed his silky black locks in a death hold, one of her legs now curling around his as she tried desperately to pull him closer.

And then, just as suddenly, Sasuke ripped himself away and Hinata was returned to the present where they were in a metal box with who knows how many people watching. A deep scarlet flared up all over her as she bent her head as she attempted to use her long, dark hair as a shield, but it was too late, she had already seen the man's flabbergasted look at the audacity of the pair of newlyweds. They practically got it on right in front of him.

Sasuke smirked as he posed one last sentence: "Was that enough 'passion' for you?"

Okay guys, you know what time it is. The time where I take a completely random thought from my head and turn it into some crazy story that only barely makes sense.

Sasuke had heard the phrase 'I love you' many a time. He had heard it in many separate occasions in many different places. He heard it screamed at him from the top of some girl's lungs as he drove away from a screaming crowd. He had heard it over the radio as traveled to a new house after his old one had been vandalized with the words "I love you, Sasuke Uchiha, and one day you'll love me". He had read it in a Sunday news article underneath the Comments and Criticisms column. He had anguished boyfriends hunt him down because their partner ended every one of their conversations with, "Why can't you be more like my Sasuke?" He had seen it spell out in flowers, in candies, in balloons, in the air, and in cheeses (forty-one different types, actually) but never had he seen it done like this.

This was perhaps the most disturbing one he had received yet, but it touched his little heart. Some would call the confessor creepy, weird, absurd, but to Sasuke nothing could be further from the truth.

It's large, purple head with big cartoon eyes stared right into his scarred and malnourished soul. His bulky hands and big, green tummy swayed a little from side-to-side as he tried, uselessly, to dance. A large branch-like tail protruded from his rear, also colored that same radiant, magnificent purple as his head.

But what was most astounding, most fantastic, was not the outside of it, but what was floating from his mouth. Those beautiful words majestically rose into the air, each vowel floating on little invisible clouds and delivered into his ear with the care of a mother tucking her child in at night. And then it ended and the greater part of Sasuke's soul died. But then a most wondrous noise appeared from outside his window once more.

"I love you." it sang, its large hands opening up to Sasuke, beckoning him into their warm grasp. "You love me." That he did. Sasuke loved this creature more than anything he could possibly imagine. "We're a happy family." They weren't at the moment, Sasuke thought as he opened the door leading outside and leading to that wonderful creature, but if he had anything to say, or do, about it they soon would be. "With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you," Sasuke was now approaching the large purple animal. "Won't you say you love me to?" The creature finished it's song, arms still outstretched to Sasuke as he finally reached the dinosaur, unaware of the audience it had attracted.

"Yes, yes I will say it," cried Sasuke with many years worth of tears streaming from his obsidian eyes, "I love you, Barney. More than anything in this whole world!" And with a dramatic flourish worthy of Paris Hilton, Sasuke buried his head into the purple dinosaurs plump body as the dinosaur patted his back.

Unfortunately, as mentioned before, Sasuke was not alone. He had an audience. Well, two people, but an audience none-the-less. Their outraged gasps at the scene that had transpired in front of their eyes killed their little fan-girl souls.

"Sasuke," they cried in unison, "how could you?"

"I've told you numerous times how much I loved you. I sent you gifts, I've left you messages, and I've sent you cards! Why don't you love me?"

"What about me, Sasuke, I love you more than she does! I sent you cheese! Cheese! Nothing says 'I love you' more than forty-one different flavors of it! You said it was your favorite animal byproduct! Why don't you love me?"

Sasuke turned his head, his arms still attached around the dinosaur as he glared at the two women standing a cars length away. "Well, you never expressed it through the majesty of song, did you."

La Mariposa3795: Yes! A cannibal! Because of his hair! Because it looks like a chicken butt! I'm so silly! How did I become that way? Thank you for reviewing!

Lone Silver Angel: Um...so I didn't update soon, but at least I updated with what I consider a pretty interesting crack-story. I really hope everyone gets this one. Not everyone got my Hamburgler.

MoonIdiot: You're so kind! Really. Whenever you review, or send me anything, it fills my heart with this bubbly joy. I don't know. It's weird. I threw in the Finnish just for you, I hope you know.

SarahiNia: Thanks! I actually enjoy writing friends for Hinata. I figure she's kind of a social person, so she needs friends. And Kakashi? Hm. Maybe.

girl-of-anime: Thanks for the reivew! Glad you like the story/stories.

inadey: Um...I'm going with the romance is coming in...now-ish. There will be more. What would you have done if I just simply went: "That's it. That's all the romance my story will have. From here-on-out my story will have nothing but Sasuke, Kakashi, and Orochimaru dancing around in blue thongs"? I think I'd be murdered, personally, simply because no one wants to see Orochimaru like that.

.: You're in a university lecture and you're reading FanFiction? SHAME! SHAME! (Although I do appreciate you cheating on your studies with me) Did your name show up this time? I seriously hope so. Yes, I was talking about you. You with the starry name. Um...I'm leaning more towards protective but maybe a tad possesive? I don't know. Oh, Kabuto, so much hate going on with you. We could put you in a damp place, leave you for a month, and harvest quite a bounty of hatred off of you. I think Sakura and Naruto are a cute couple too. They fit well simply because Sakura is quick with the fist and Naruto is quick with the healing. Maybe you'll read this one in class too?

ShikaMariUchiha: Um...do I sense a three-some in your name? Or are you saying that Temari should be with either Sasuke OR Shikamaru? Because I'm still getting three-some out of it. Kinky. I hope that Sasuke's awesomeness did not deminish between last chapter and this one. Thanks for the review!

TheBrokenQuill: Um, only one of them, really. The others will come back but I only wanted one and Chun's the lucky winner! It's really a good question of why she doesn't. Mandarin is becoming quite an important language.

NotIntoIt3456: Pacing has never been one of my strong points. You may notice how throughout the story things will happen suddenly and then slow down quite a lot. It's just basically how I'm feeling at the moment I'm writing it and how I feel about the story.

blackraven615: Mmm, applesause. :] Thanks for reviewing.

Lost in Green: I actually replied to your review quite quickly and now I'm out of things to say. How sad. Thanks for the review.