Chapter 14

With the week starting out good, the thoughts of two people's departures on her heart were still light. They didn't leave until the end of the week which was still quite a few days off.

After another day of work she returned to her empty apartment; empty hot apartment. It was so unbearable to deal with. She put on some shorts and a tank and made her hair real short and brown. She wanted nothing to hang down and stick to her neck.

She grabbed something expired to eat and left. There was nothing for her to do there and the place held no comfort. It just felt dark and lonesome so she didn't want to be there. She felt those feelings inside of her already and to just be smothered in them wasn't comfortable at all.

She walked down the street with the enormous, dark clouds of an upcoming storm following her. In her mind she felt she always had those kinds of clouds hanging around.

She strolled casually until an old woman with a walker and small shopping cart stopped the Auror in her tracks.

A muggle, old woman at that she pointed in her face and said, "you're suspicious. If you try to take my purse I will run you over with my shopping cart."

Tonks rolled her eyes and smirked. "If I wanted to be a fashion mistake I'd snatch it right out your wrinkled hands."

She walked away, but it wasn't helping. It wasn't doing anything for her and she wanted to talk to someone and have someone understand how she was feeling.

And there was the perfect person.

She apparated to the Burrow and saw the twins, Ron and Chalee practicing Quidditch in the yard.

Charlie!

She hadn't seen him since school and he still looked the same only he was built and darker.

"Hey Head Boy! I'm out past curfew cut-off!" she shouted out to the boys catching all their attention.

Charlies broom zoomed down to the ground where it was tossed aside as she ran at him and he picked her up off her feet.

"You're back from Romania!" she exclaimed when they broke apart.

"Just back to visit mom," he said, "but that doesn't mean I can't hang out and get a drink with my favorite trouble maker."

"I know that's not me," she joked, "because I'm an angel. I was the quietest, most nicest- okay that was me, but that was because you were so straight laced and demanding."

"You were trouble, you know that." He smirked.

"Hey! You know who is going to be Head Boy and Head Girl this year?"

He shook his head and said, "I just came in today, I don't even know all your drama yet. Tell me who, I may even know them."

"Yeah, you sure do," she put mildly putting her arm through his so they could walk around the yard. She told him, "Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger."

"What!" he stopped her. "You can't be serious! Why would Albus Dumbledore do that? He can't be serious."

"Now Mr. Gryffindor don't pop a nut. You don't understand the simplicity of it all. They operate-"she put a hand over his mouth containing his outburst and continued, "on different spectrums of the the spectrum of good and bad. It will be different and unique to say the least. So don't yell to me about it and don't spit on my hand."

She took her hand away.

He wanted to say something else but she threatened to put her hand back up and he just grinned and pulled a lock of pink hair.

"So why is your hair so plain and boring?" he asked.

"Why does everyone think I'm supposed to be weird all the time?"

He slugged an arm around her shoulders and said, "It's expected with a name like-"

She gave him 'the threatening hand up in the air, only this time she was going to back hand him' look.

"-Yours."

She went in to see Mrs. Weasley, the one she came to see in the first place.

"Wotcher Molly," she called brightly and walked into the kitchen where she could feel the bright, gentle, motherly kindness the woman seemed to be always filling up. She knew this to be that one of her other son's was back in the house once more, even for just a short time.

"Hello dear. What brings you around?"

"A visit," she said casually and leaned against the counter.

Molly smiled with a look out of the corner of her eye. "You must be hungry?"

"Starved," she was automatic to answer before she could catch herself, but she was quick to add, "but I'm going to help you cook."

"No you are not dear," she tried to be nice, "so sit down and tell me how it's been going."

She knew what that meant, life without Remus around. Oh, if she knew what was really going on she's really be shocked and let that mothering instinct take over.

So telling the complete truth was out of the question. She'd only tell her the littlest, tiniest parts.

"Everything is expected, you know. And besides, "she chuckled a fake chuckle, "I have the drama of work to take the focus off of everything. Luckily now it's calmer so you know by Arthur, anything can brew up and take its place. And nothing is making me the center of attention, so you know that's good for me, but it will go-"

"You're babbling dear," Mrs. Weasley said knowing with a wooden spoon in her hand to make her look threatening when she wasn't the least bit at all; only when it came to her sons.

"I am aren't I?" she flattened under the matronly woman, who she came to pour her heart out to in the first place.

She set the pot to cook and took a seat next to Tonks. "Tell me what is going on?"

She looked into the older woman's eyes and knew that she could tell her anything so she did. She poured out her heart about the man she missed and the accusations at work of making her look like something she never would be.

She did not mention Snape. She was not ready for that to fly over, well, because it wouldn't.

She received great advice, but the honesty was that it wasn't what she wanted to hear. She wanted an invisible okay to do what she was going to do. She was wasn't going to get it. She would never get anything she wanted.

Tonks loved the Weasley family. They were the true definition of family in all fun and drama. All her sons and one daughter were crazy and exciting; stories around the table were great.

And just the chance to talk a little 'smack' about her co-workers with Mr. Weasley made her happy to know that she wasn't the only one who couldn't stand half of the people they worked with. There were so many people that she just wanted to shake and question what they were working there in the first place.

It was fun to be welcomes and made to feel warm and fuzzy inside.

At the bar, like the alcoholic she knew she was, she enjoyed her time with Charlie, catching up and reminiscing of old school days. And there was also what their old school mates were doing now. Some of them were a bit of a shocker.

"But Charlie, I never expected for Beth-Ann and Zebric to get married, let alone date. They were so different, nothing like what I have with Sev- nothing like what I have going on."

Too much alcohol in her system and she was cursed herself for the slip up. She mentally kicked herself because nothing got past this kid and she knew it alright. She'd never live it down.

He stopped the glass before it came to his lips. He turned from comforting friend to cold comfort/tough love friend. She knew it was now going to turn into something.

"Now I've been gone a long time and I know every single member of the order and I know names, like that," he snapped his finger. "And," whatever he was going to say died before it reached his lips. He switched directions, "Please say you are not serious." He watched her face and she just picked up her glass and took a sip.

In that moment she felt like she lost her best friend.

He didn't say anything else and it made her bark out quickly, "Say something to me."

"I can't tell you how to run your life, but let me ask you something, okay! What about Remus? When he comes back what is he going to think of this? This astrosphere!"

"Whatever the hell he wants. You know this is the second time that he has left me. I don't want to hear that he cares because I know that he doesn't. If he did he wouldn't leave all the time. I'm tired of fighting one way battles which I can't win."

Bullshit Tonks! The man cares more about you more than himself! He is busting his ass out there to make life easier for you!"

"Not me." She shoved from the table and stood, knocking her chair from table and to the ground. "And how the hell would you know? You're not here, you're halfway in 'God knows where.' So if you want to know about my relationships and analyze that know what the fuck is going on first before yelling at me." She pulled a coin out of her pocket and slammed it onto the table.

"I have work in the morning; don't leave without saying goodbye to me first." And she walked out and into pouring rain quickly apparating.

She landed in the dark living room and just in the nick of time. A loud rumble of thunder rumbled across the sky. She ran a hand through her short hair and kicked off her shoes.

She went upstairs to where he was sitting in bed reading. He lowered the book and they locked eyes. "Let me ask you something. Do you know a man by the name Tommy Cruz?"

She had to think about it. It did sound familiar, but at the same time vague.

"Um, what does he look like?" She crawled onto the bed and sat cross legged facing him, her hands under her chin.

"Five-five, dark hair, scar slashing his mouth like someone wanted him to be quiet and he wasn't-"

"Don't even," she cut in, "But I don't think I know who that is. Am I supposed to?"

"You, probably not, but Kingsley Shacklebolt should in his best interest." He was serious to give something away, but nothing at the same time.

"Why, what's going on?" What's going on that I should be prepared for?"

"You know the price; I'll exchange it for some information of yours. Plus, it's about him, not you."

"I'll have to nip this away to him. I can't possibly tell him something because he'll want to know where I got my information from."

"You could lie- or not. You're pretty bad at it."

She picked a nail in her lap refraining from punching him. He was taking shots where there was a very serious matter at hand.

"Anyways, I agree, so tell me about your mate here, Tommy Cruz."

"No one I know just heard referenced. He was said to be paid off to take down people who are wise and well aware of themselves. It's a game to him and he is paid good."

"So how do you know that he's after him?" she asked. She took the book he had started reading, that she and started the other day, and to the part he stopped at and saw that he was way past her.

It's from a list of names which your friend occupies the top now since other's have failed."

"Me right?" She indicated herself which he did not find amusing. He was one of the losing side after all.

"How do I know what to tell him, what to be prepared for?"

"You don't. Wanted posters will come up and he'll know that he'll be on guard."

"So that's it then? What's the point in telling me that then if he'll know?"

"I told you he'll be targeted."

She looked at him dubiously. He always found a way for everything to work in his favor.

"Well what do you want to know?" she asked. She closed the book shut and used it as something to just hold in her hands.

"Three Aurors of the Ministry are going to be well off in Knockturn Ally Thursday night. I want to know where."

"This alliance we have is in no way in affect to harm other people. I will not harm people I care about," she barked. She went to get off the bed, but he grabbed her wrist to keep her in place. She stared back at him mincingly.

"Relax Nymphadora, I would do nothing to compromise your "friends". I simply want to know where not to be Thursday night."

She knew that they, the people who were supposed to know knew exactly what they wanted them to know. They, or even just him didn't know exactly what was totally going on.

She gave him sage advice. "Don't be there and you'll be fine, easy as that."

"What? I'm supposed to not just show up and for reasons unexplained?"

"Yeah, tell them you caught sight of realization; that you were better than that and grew to a responsible human being."

"You think I take shots at you, you have your very own opinion of what my life should be- well let's keep that to yourself."

"But you can?" she asked.

"Yes," he answered back modestly.

She smirked sarcastically. She put the book to the side and crawled onto his lap with both hands on his face and kissed him hard on the mouth. He returned it back just as forcefully. He leaned back bringing her with him, the kisses getting fiercer until her brain clicked in and started working.

"No, no, no I can't," she moved away bringing her knees to her chest with arms around them.

"Why can't you?" he asked. She heard the frustration in his voice and knew that it was because she strung him along in her own little game.

"I don't know! I'm just confused! I don't know what to think, what to feel. I don't know."

"If you don't let things go and take opportunities you are going to have nothing."

"I know! I know!" she exclaimed with hands open. She returned to her closed off position avoiding his eyes.

He reached out and took hold of her arm and with her light weight he had her over to him and put her back on his lap. Both arms went around her and he kissed her neck sending chills through her.

"It's easy to give in," he whispered, the brush of his breath on the nape of her neck was where he kissed her again two more times and made her squirm.

"I know, but I don't think I am the one who can do that." She moved forward before the closeness was way too much for her.

He moves away onto his side and laid down where she sat on "her" side feeling guilty and abandoned.

"You're mad," she said to him as she watched his back.

"I know what I am Nymphadora, I wish you knew already what you were feeling. You better decide quickly for you surely know that time is running out."

"I know. Believe me I've been thinking about it every day. You don't think I know how screwed up I am because I know it all; knew it all along."

"Get rid of past baggage and start something new-find someone new."

"You don't think I think about that consistently. I know I am very-" she took the light summer throw and wrapped it around herself. She felt more secure and not all that exposed.

"very what?" he curled up his legs and she realized that he was probably chilly so she scooted closer and used some of the blanket to cover his legs.

"Lost alright! I'm lost. I've never had emotional feelings like these before to deal with."

"You better figure it out quickly," he said, "I've had my own so far and if you continue in my bed for the duration of time, you will see my 'emotional feelings.'

"Not tonight, please," she begged.

He sat up and took her down with him. He put the blanket over the both of them.

She turned around and kissed his cheek before laying back down. "You give me too many chances, thank you."

She fell asleep in his arms wondering why she just didn't let go. He didn't care that she was waiting for him, that he was off not caring that she was lonely. She didn't know why Severus wanted her and he knew who she was involved with. She wanted Remus, but she really wanted him too.

Only one of them was around.

Only three more chapters left. Thank you all for reading my story. I hope you all enjoy the rest.