Complications Chapter 14, a fast and the furious fanfic

I'm so confused I don't know what to feel,

Should I throw my arms around you or kill you for real?

'Cause I worked so hard to put the past to rest,

Now it's tumbling down on me just like an avalanche,

So you can't just come back now like a demon uninvited,

No, you can't just expect me to open my door to you because...

Where do we begin now that you're back from the dead?

Skylar Grey

Life's simple; you make choices and you don't look back. You just have to be ready to deal with the consequences.

It's a simple philosophy, really. A finite truth that you can plug almost any situation into and still have it be true. The first part of it had worked for Han for years. It helped him get rid of all the 'what if's' that popped up when things didn't go quite his way.

It drove me bat shit insane. It might work for Han Lue, but it didn't fit for me. While voluntarily strode arrogantly into suicidal business plans and bad ideas, I tried to avoid trouble. Not that it ever did me any good; like Han had once told me, I attract dangerous mobsters.

So the second part of our little philosophy was added. Consequences were something that Han and I couldn't ignore after our bad decisions caused us a lot of grief. It was kind of a given that whatever choice you made was going to have an outcome, but sometimes saying it out loud was a good reminder.

But was that really all there was to life? Choose your path and be prepared for what comes up, or don't live at all?

I used to think life could fit that philosophy, but then everything changed after a phone call. I got hit with a curve ball that hit me straight in the face and left me on my ass staring at the sky wondering exactly what happened. In a matter of weeks, everything bit of solidarity I possessed was ripped to shreds.

It wasn't all for nothing, I guess. What happiness we had lost, someone else had found. They rebuild their lives and their families; picked up the pieces of the life their carelessness destroyed years before.

I was haunted by the way they continued on. My life had felt like it was over, why should they get to be happy? Why should they get to carry on like nothing had happened, when I felt like the sun wasn't coming up again?

I let my hand trail down the cold marble stone, traced the name, placed my palm over the final date that came up way before it should have. The cold seeped down into my bones; deep enough to reopen the wounds that were healing and drag the hurt back out to the surface.

I was shaken to the core, but I knew two absolute truths; the first being that life wasn't simple. It was twisted and complicated. The second was that none of this would have happened if Leticia Ortiz had actually died.

It made forgiving her difficult, but it was something I had to do. Family was hard to come by, and I was wiling to let it go to keep the peace. Didn't mean it was painless.

It was so very far from painless.

Hot tears slipped out from my closed eyes.

This job fucked me up more than I'd admit to anyone else. Sean and I had lost our sister—the last real piece of my brother on earth—thanks to a woman that was now welcomed back with open arms and love like she hadn't tried to murder us all like she did Hanna. Han had been laid up in a hospital bed barely alive. I couldn't even think about Gisele.

Why did they get their sister back when I lost mine? I was so jealous that sometimes I wished Letty didn't walk away from the job.

"I don't know if I can get past it. If she had actually died, so many people would still be here. I'm willing to try for you, though." I finally muttered. Han shifted his weight behind me before sitting all the way down and leaning against the grave in front of Hanna's. He gestured for me to sit next to him, so I did. The hard Arizona dirt and the hot tombstone weren't exactly comfortable.

"We can't decide who lives and dies- that's out of our hands. We're always going to lose people, but it's not that often that we get someone back. She made bad choices, but the second she met us she started becoming the woman we knew. She found herself again after Dom saved her."

"So you're saying everything before that gets a free pass?"

"Are you saying all of the damage you did supplying drugs didn't happen?"

I sucked in a breath and was about to let him know exactly what I thought about that statement, but he wrapped his arm around me and pulled me uncomfortably close to him so my forehead was resting on his shoulder, just like he did in the storage room all those years ago.

"She was being manipulated like you were. The only difference is that they controlled you by playing to your weaknesses and they controlled her by playing to her strengths."

A few more tears started leaking out.

"Things would have been easier if she died, but she didn't. Our family is whole again and Elena is now back doing what she loves. We got a second chance. I wish Hanna didn't die in the process, but we can't take that back. We don't even know if Letty was responsible."

"I'll try. I really will try for you, but I'm not sure I can see her as family."

"No one expects you to. You lost more than anyone else on this job, and they know that. They don't love you any less because you're struggling. They were actually impressed that you didn't try to rip her throat out."

I struggled to get more comfortable against his side, but I finally gave up and just leaned against him stiffly. I closed my eyes and felt him breathe. The last time I was in this graveyard I was putting flowers on brother's grave before my father's funeral when I had never felt so alone. It was nice to be back here with someone.

"My dad would have loved you. Not at first, of course, but eventually." I told Han. I heard him chuckle deep in his chest. "I think I want to meet your mother. We went here first instead of two towns over to avoid that, didn't we?"

"She's going to slap the shit out of me, and I completely deserve it." I snorted.

"She's your mother and she loves you. Plus, you are bringing her a grandkid. Tell her you getting in trouble in high school attracted the attention of the CIA and they offered you an undercover job. It would explain away the scars, the no contact, and the occasional listing on Interpol's most wanted list." He sighed heavily.

"If we leave now we can make it back to Dom and Mia's before it gets late and go first thing in the morning."

"Great. Who's driving?"