Chapter 14

Going Back

C.C. Babcock had never believed in love – or, at least, she had never believed that there existed what was commonly known as unconditional love.

Ever since she had been a child, her experiences with love had been somewhat unpleasant and tempestuous; her parents – the two people who were supposed to love her unconditionally – certainly couldn't be bothered and had never cared about spending quality time with her, Noel or D.D.. The few romantic relationships she had had, had ended in disaster and her adult life had been defined by loneliness.

These experiences had resulted in her believing that true love was just an invention, and that marriage was just a convenient association between two people who may or may not get along. That's why she had pinned after Maxwell for so many years – he was everything she had been taught to look for in a man: he came from a good family, was a millionaire, and was a respected producer. In her mind marrying him had seemed like the most reasonable thing to do. She was pretty, intelligent, had money, came from a good family and they had known each other for more than a decade. It was a perfect match!

But then a hurricane named Fran Fine had arrived to the Sheffield mansion, and had altered C.C.'s life. Maxwell was obviously smitten with the obnoxious nanny since she had first stepped a foot inside the mansion, and Fran's attitude towards life was a contradiction to C.C.'s logic – the woman was all love, and the worst part was that she didn't expect anything in return for the love she gave. It had infuriated her, and she had once been sure that Nanny Fine had to have a selfish reason to be a literal ray of sunshine…

When she'd discovered that she had cancer, the belief that no one could truly and really care for her had been what had made her push everyone away, but eventually she had been found by the man who she now loved like no other.

It had been Niles who had showed her that true, unconditional and uninterested love did exist – it had been his taking care of her without expecting a thing in return, it had been his bone marrow donation done purely because he loved her and because her cared for her…

Niles was, in more ways than one, her saviour.

She had let him in little by little, and his love had helped her heal – and not only physically speaking, mind you.

That's why she was certain that his presence in her life was the reason behind her outstanding recovery. Ever since she had gotten out of the hospital she had discovered that she felt better with each day that went past – she had gained a few much needed pounds, she had more energy to be up and about, her hair had slowly started to grow back… and Niles had been by her side through all of it.

Of course there had been bad days – she was realistic, she knew that there were ups and downs while in recovery – but Niles had made sure to be there for her when she felt her world was crumbling down around her. He had been there to hold her when she was in pain, he was there to give her the medication and prepare the meals she wanted when she couldn't get out of bed, and he had been the one who had kept her together when she wasn't strong enough to do it by herself.

It was no surprise that she had finally chosen to attend the Broadway Guild Awards that night – she knew it wasn't going to be easy, but if she had him by her side then everything would be alright.

C.C. had decided to use a form-fitting royal-blue dress, and had refused to use a wig. She simply didn't like them, so she'd decided to use a matching bandana instead. She turned this way and the other in front of the mirror, scanning her appearance, and for the first time in months she was happy with what she saw. Yes, she was still underweight, had no hair and was unnaturally pale, but she looked beautiful, too.

Taking a deep breath, she stepped out of the walk-in closet and into her room, where her boyfriend awaited, dressed in an elegant tuxedo.

"Well, how do I look?" she asked, bringing Niles' attention to her.

The butler couldn't help but stare in awe. She was absolutely stunning. If there were any looks or comments from anyone at the ceremony, it would surely only be to remark upon how utterly sublime she looked. He cast his eye over her dress, her make-up, the way she'd matched her bandana perfectly to the colour of her dress...

It almost made him feel a little underdressed, if he was honest. But he already knew he was a mere mortal in a relationship with a goddess, so it wouldn't hurt him for one night to look the part. And compared to her, everything else did seem both insignificant and incredibly unworthy.

He crossed the room to her in a few slow strides, and took her hands, still admiring every part of her that he could see, and took her hands in his.

"My, you somehow managed to disguise your hag like appearance!" he teased, but when he noticed the worried look on C.C.'s face he quickly added. "I was just kidding – you truly are beautiful," he told her, his voice filled with wonder. "I don't know whether to take you out to this award ceremony, or get down on my knees and worship you."

C.C. huffed out a laugh, "You like it, huh?"

She hadn't wanted to look worried when he had zinged her – she knew it was a joke – but part of her was still rather insecure.

The butler slipped his hands from hers and encircled her waist, smirking as he leaned in close to her face, "Very much so. I'd have to be blind not to."

C.C. locked her own arms around his neck and rested their foreheads together. "You have certainly have a way with words, Hazel – but I must warn you, it will take more than a honeyed words to take me to bed."

"And who said that was my aim? Can't I simply want to praise my woman?" he replied before trailing kisses down her neck. He smirked when she emitted a low, satisfied moan of pleasure.

"If you keep that up we won't make it to the ceremony," she said, her voice sounding slightly strained. Much to her delight, he continued his onslaught, and his hands traced her curves with abandon. God... the way he touched her was heavenly...

But she had to pull away. They needed to go. It's not like they couldn't resume their more than pleasurable activities once they came back from the party.

"As much as I am enjoying this," she said, pulling away and resting her hands on his shoulders. "We should go. We mustn't be late, after all."

Niles sighed dramatically, but he did disentangled himself from her. "Alright, alright... I'll behave," he offered her his arm. "Shall we?"

"Off we go, then."

The limo was already awaiting for them when they made it out of her building – Maxwell and Fran were in it, too, and the British producer was practically beaming. He had wanted to have his business partner back for a while now. Actually, Maxwell and C.C. spent the way to the awards discussing business and planning their acceptance speech, while Fran and Niles exchanged the latest gossip – and considering Mrs Sheffield had gone to The Chatterbox that afternoon, she had a lot of juicy gossips to discuss.

When the limo finally came to a halt, Fran and Max were the first to get out, but C.C. knew that the press was expecting her. It was then when her previous resolution started to waver – what if she couldn't take the comments? What if-

"It will be okay," he murmured and dropped a kiss on her cheek. "Take my hands and let's face the music."

She gripped his hand tightly, took in a deep breath, and gave him a grateful smile. It didn't stay on her face as long as she'd hoped. She might have looked a little more confident as Niles stepped out in order to help her get out of the limo. Camera flashes went off from every angle as she did, and then the journalists' questions began like a deafening onslaught – one coming after the other so quickly, desperate to catch her attention, that she couldn't reply to the first one before the next had started up.

"Miss Babcock, are you feeling any better? What do the doctors say about your prognosis?"

"Miss Babcock, how does it feel to be back out working for Maxwell Sheffield again?"

"Miss Babcock, do you think your new relationship has had an impact on your recovery?"

Niles deflected the reporters that he could and pulled her closer, away from the intruding press. She slipped his arm through his as they made their way along. The doors to the building seemed like they might as well be miles away, even though she knew it was only a few yards at the most and could clearly see Maxwell and Fran waiting for them inside.

"Let's just get inside, love," Niles muttered to her. "If you don't feel up to answering them, you don't have to. Remember; you don't owe them anything."

Without replying, C.C. nodded and straightened up as much as she could. He was right. She didn't owe those journalists anything – they didn't know her, and had no right to know her personal business. At least Michelle Prince wasn't there, anyway. Her editor must have either sent someone else to cover the event, or decided to leave it entirely, just in case his reporter got assaulted again.

They walked as quickly as they could whilst putting on the appearance of not caring, and, not as soon as C.C. would have liked but soon enough, they passed through the door and into the lobby.

It was almost as though they had crossed some type of barrier – moments ago she had been deafened by the many questions being fired at her, but now that they were in the lobby, a tranquil silence enveloped them.

They could hear the muffled music coming from the adjacent room, and it gave C.C. a strange sense of peace. It had been months since she had last attended this type of events, and she couldn't help but feel she was back in her world at long last.

"Well, what are we waiting for?" she asked while clasping her hands in a concluding fashion. "Time's a-waistin'!"

Neither Fran, Max nor Niles dared to contradict her or comment on her excitement, so they simply made their way to the next pair of doors, which were the only thing that separated them from the rest of the guests. Just as when they had gone out of the limo, Maxwell and Fran were the first to step into the room, but soon it was their turn, and C.C. again began to fill slightly insecure.

She only gripped Niles' hand again, and geared herself up – she could take this, she was strong...

"Are you ready?" he asked.

She simply nodded, and the doors were soon opened.

An almost sepulchral silence invaded the room for some seconds, and it didn't take long for the murmurs to begin.

"Oh, God, she is so thin!"

"... and have you heard she is dating the butler? Well, it's no wonder since..."

"The poor woman! She is completely bald..."

They carefully made their way down the steps towards their seats, C.C.'s grip on Niles becoming vice-like. At least with the journalists, it had mostly been so loud out there that she didn't catch most of it. In here, the orchestra warming up wasn't nearly loud enough to keep out the muttering going on all around her.

"I heard she tried to keep it from everyone, too..."

"Well, I wouldn't want anyone to see me like that, either..."

"Can you imagine? The comments some people would make would be outrageous..."

C.C. suddenly didn't know if she could do it anymore. Their seats were still so far away, but the door was an equal distance, and if she heard one more comment about her missing hair or her practically skeletal frame, she feared she'd just lay down on the floor and hope that whatever cancer was left could somehow make a complete and aggressive resurgence and kill her instantly.

Niles' thumb brushed the back of her hand, and she looked over at him.

"Don't think about them," he murmured. "Just listen to my voice and think about the steps in front of you. We're almost there, and the Sheffields are with us, so Fran will ensure you don't hear a thing."

She nodded in reply, still unsure, "Okay."

He squeezed her hand, "Remember – you are better than they are."

She appreciated him trying to help like this, and kept going. She could fake confidence, at least, like she had done outside going past the journalists. Head held high, back and shoulders straight. That was all it took. And confidently descending the stairs towards her seat, which didn't seem so far away now.

She could still feel eyes burning holes in her back, but if she'd turned to look, she'd know the gossipers behind her had won.

The producer remained calm and composed all the way to her seat – she wouldn't give them the satisfaction to show weakness or how deep their vicious comments had affected her. Niles made her feel beautiful every day, but sometimes, the stares got the best of her and she doubted herself.

Toxic thoughts such as that Niles only saw her beautiful because he loved her plagued her mind, but she supposed her fears were one of the many psychological consequences of being a cancer patient. Wilson had told her that most cancer patients struggled with regaining their self-esteem after going through treatment, but that it was just a matter of time until she felt okay with herself again.

She truly hoped it was only a matter of time…

Once everyone was sitting, the ceremony proper began and C.C. finally began to relax. She even laughed when Andrew Lloyd Webber was chosen to announce the winner of one of the categories for which their play had been nominated – that had visibly upset Maxwell.

It wasn't really a surprise when "Yetta's Letters" won, but it was thrilling nonetheless. C.C. was soon being hugged and kissed by an ecstatic Niles, and she could only lose herself in his embrace. Eventually they had had to pull away – it was time to go, get the award and pronounce their acceptance speech.

Maxwell offered her his arm and they walked together to the stage, where Lloyd Webber (who was sporting a rather forced smile) awaited with their award.

The crows went absolutely silent when she was handed the award – she knew it was only seconds until she was required to speak in front of the crowd.

She calmly handed the award to Maxwell and walked towards the microphone, still keeping up the façade of being absolutely calmed and oblivious of the new wave of whispers being heard in the auditorium.

"Thank you; thank you, everyone, for this award. My esteemed colleague and I couldn't be happier to receive it," she began, waiting for the last of the applause to die down before she properly began her speech – not that she had anything prepared, for obvious reasons, but making one up as she went along whilst putting on a pretence of reading a speech from memory would only look better, and maybe give her a little more confidence for the after party, when she'd have to face at least a few of the people she'd heard whispering about her.

Taking in a deep breath, she continued, "I suppose I should start of by thanking my business partner for allowing me to accept this award with him, because as you all know, I have had something of a turbulent time recently, and haven't been able to work as much as I would have liked. My illness, as you can probably all see, nearly completely took it out of me, and recovery came first. It still does. And on that note, my special thanks goes to the man I love – Niles Brightmore, who has been my rock throughout this entire ordeal. I can only hope that I can make it up to you in the years to come. I'm certainly going to try my hardest. Thank you."

She stepped away from the microphone to a smattering of polite applause, and probably more muttered comments than she would have liked.

Maxwell's speech went a little slower than she would have liked, too – she could feel the eyes of everyone in the room on them, and it took all her willpower to not usher him off-stage before he had finished thanking his family for what felt like the hundredth time in one speech. Luckily, the orchestra started up again just as Maxwell had finished, and they were allowed to return to their seats.

Niles gave her a quick kiss before they sat down again, but he did reach for her hand and entwined their fingers together. It truly was nice to have someone to trust and who cared for her – it was new, different... and she liked it.

The ceremony extended for another hour and a half, and C.C. started to feel the exhaustion; she was still weak, there was no sense in denying it, but she wanted to stay for a little while longer. Part of her just wanted to show the world she was still strong, no matter how sick she was.

It felt almost like a blessing when they were allowed to go to the after party – C.C. was craving two things that it would offer: food and dancing with Niles.

Her appetite had returned in the last few weeks, and seeing as she needed to gain, at least, forty pounds, she indulged in anything she liked.

They had been given one of the best tables in the room. Niles – who had sensed her tiredness – walked her to it and helped her to her seat. He supposed that sitting down for a while and eating dinner would give her a little more energy.

"Do you want me to go get you something to drink?" Niles asked.

"I could use a diet soda. And bring me some of those canapés the busboys are offering!"

"Ah, the beast is hungry," he leaned down and placed a kiss on her lips before heading to the bar. "I'll be right back – try not to eat any poor mortal while I am gone, okay?"

She huffed out a laugh. A zinger... she needed that. Not to get her wrong, she loved when he was sweet and called her by loving nicknames, but she still enjoyed their wordplay.

"I won't make promises I might not be able to keep – after all, it could take you a century to move that carcass to the bar and back!" she practically screamed so he could hear, and she couldn't help but laugh at the feigned glare she got as an answer.

How she loved this man...

"Well, well, well," a haughty and more than mocking voice said from behind her. "If it isn't C.C. Babcock! I must confess, I wasn't expecting to see you here!"

C.C. cringed. She knew that voice – Miriam DuPont.

Tall. Striking. Elegant. Well-bred.

Also quite possibly her least favourite person on Earth.

C.C. forced a smile onto her face and rose from her chair to greet the new arrival with outstretched arms and air kisses either side of her cheeks.

"Miriam, such a pleasure to see you...!" she lied. It wasn't even a particularly good lie, but for the sake of keeping up appearances, it was best to be civil.

"Likewise, dear, likewise," Miriam cast her emerald eyes over C.C.'s form, and the corners of her mouth turned downwards, as if both concerned and thinking something over at the same time. She reached out a hand like she was going to touch C.C.'s shoulder, but never reached it, and gestured at the producer's chair. "But don't wear yourself out on my account! You get back to your seat. We wouldn't want you wearing yourself out, now."

C.C. had to smile to stop herself from grinding her teeth. The woman was being incredibly patronising, and she knew it, too. The producer wouldn't sit in Miriam's presence if the other socialite were standing – she wasn't about to act the invalid when other people expected her to, and she wasn't going to let the other woman look down on her – metaphorically or otherwise – while they talked, which was obviously what Miriam wanted for some reason.

"Of course not," C.C. stared at Miriam whilst pulling out both her own chair and Niles'. "But why don't you join me so we can chat for a while? My date is getting food right now, so I doubt he'll mind if you take his seat for a minute or two."

"Oh... the butler... I had forgotten you two are an item now," she simpered. "I must say, I didn't expect it from you, darling!"

C.C. took in one, two, three deep breaths. She could take the criticism, but the woman better watch her mouth when it came to Niles.

"And he's made me the happiest woman on Earth, Miriam," she said, never losing her fake smile. "And do tell me, how's your divorce going? I am truly sorry for what he did to you, darling."

C.C. smirked when Miriam's smile faltered. B.B. had told her about Miriam's ugly divorce – apparently, the latter was absolutely in love with her husband, but he had left her for her younger sister. Needless to say, it had been quite a scandal, and Miriam was still sore about it.

"As well as your treatment, I suppose," the other socialite shot back. It was lucky that most people were busy eating or dancing, for this encounter between the two socialites was soon escalating into an open war. "I must say, I would have hidden too – I wouldn't want anyone to see me in that state."

C.C. gritted her teeth. She had to remain calmed, to show now weakness... but, as Noel liked to say, she wasn't going to take shit from anyone.

"Oh, it had nothing to do with that, dear," C.C. said, tapping the other woman's arm in a 'friendly' manner. "And thankfully the side effects wear off with time – it's good to know I actually have someone who loves me for what I am and that has supported me through my treatment. Oh, and is it true that your younger sister is pregnant now? Congratulations!"

Beneath her smile, Miriam looked like she'd swallowed something extremely bitter, "Thank you. She'll be happy to hear that you know. Children really are a gift, don't you think? I do hope that you and your...other half...will consider at least trying – that is, if the weight loss and the chemotherapy hasn't...done any lasting damage."

She punctuated her statement by effortlessly lifting a glass of champagne from the tray of a passing waiter.

"It would be such a pity if it had," she raised an eyebrow at C.C. as she took a sip from her glass.

Of all the things Miriam could have possibly said, that was, by far, the one that hurt the most. The other woman had brought to the conversation one of her deepest fears – that she'd never be able to have children.

She knew Niles wanted children – she had heard him say so on many an occasion – and the thought of not being able to form a family together cut through her soul like a sharp knife. Wilson had told her that infertility was a small (but real) possibility, and there was a high change that – even if she was able to get pregnant – she'd have trouble conceiving.

It had been some months since she had last had her period. It was not a surprise she was suffering from amenorrhea when she was so terribly underweight, so touching the subject of her fertility was more than a low blow.

There was a small, irrational part of herself that feared that Niles would love her less if she became infertile.

But she wouldn't show Miriam that. She had to curl the edges of herself and hide them where no one could see. She had to compress her anguish and fears and hide them in the darkest corner of her soul.

"I trust I'll be fine – and it's far too soon to talk about children, after all! We haven't gotten married yet, and right now children aren't a priority," she replied, her smile being as bright as the sun. "In any case, if we do have trouble, there are treatments or even adoption – I am not worried about that. And speaking of children, is it true that your ex-husband got complete custody of your kids? And he cheated on you? I must say, that is a shame, dear."

Miriam could clearly see that the producer wasn't about to be beaten so easily, even after she'd used the biggest gun in her arsenal. It was no use – the Babcocks were famous for how stalwart they were, and she could see the butler approaching the table again, and the last thing she needed was the servant jumping to C.C.'s defence. Best to make a tactical retreat. The socialite's smile began to falter, and with one last simpering smile, she turned away.

"Always a pleasure to see you, C.C.," Miriam nodded stiffly, before disappearing once more into the crowds to mingle.

C.C. huffed out a breath and collapsed back into her seat, glad that the other socialite had gone. She knew it would be hard going, but she hadn't quite expected this. Having other people talking about how it felt to lose her hair and to be so dramatically underweight, she had been ready for. Questions about her fertility...that was a different story.

She must have looked suitably depressed when Niles returned to the table, because he slid her plate onto the table in front of her and took his own seat with a frown.

"I'm only gone five minutes and when I get back you look like someone just told you about a death," he said, rubbing her knee affectionately before straightening up to look her in the face. "What's the matter? Did someone tell you about a death?"

C.C. shook her head and sighed. She needed to talk to him about this, but it wasn't time yet. Maybe when they got home, if she was feeling up to it.

"I'll tell you later," she muttered, quickly turning to her food, but then hesitating and turning back. "Just...promise you'll love me, no matter what?"

Niles blinked at her, before chuckling softly, "I don't have to promise to do that! I'll just do it anyway."

"Humour me," she told him firmly. "Promise that you'll love me, no matter what."

The smile faded away from the butler's face, and it was replaced by a look of seriousness and confusion, "C.C., what's the matter?"

He looked up in the direction of where Miriam had been standing and subsequently disappeared into the crowd. His eyes narrowed when he spotted a familiar form surrounded by a group of about three or four men.

"That woman – you were talking with her just now, weren't you?" he asked C.C. softly, waiting for her to nod in reply before continuing. "What happened?"

C.C. looked back at her meal, fearing he might see the sadness in her eyes. By now she was certain they were going to talk about this – he wasn't going to let it go – so there was no sense in trying to try to shrug it off. But she didn't want to talk about it there… not now.

If she was being honest, she simply wanted to finish her meal and go home. Although it had been nice to go back to her old world, she wasn't in the mood to stay at the party any longer – she was tired, extremely tired, and she was fed up with people murmuring about how unwell she looked, how thin she was or about her lack of hair. Besides, Miriam's comment had truly knocked for six, and right then she only wanted to go to bed.

"Can we talk about this at home?" she said before taking a bite of her meal.

She heard him sigh – she knew that sigh… it was the one he gave every time she chose to avoid a clearly important subject.

"C.C., I thi-"

"Niles," she cut him off, looking up at him. He was worried, she could read it in his eyes. "Please… not here. Not where everyone can hear. I promise I'll tell you at home – besides, I'm feeling rather tired, so we could get going as soon as I finish my meal. Okay?"

He thought this over for some moments. It was obvious she didn't want to discuss what had happened with the other woman there and would not change her mind no matter what he said. But she had agreed to discuss it at home, and seeing as she was already worn out it wouldn't be long until that happened.

He sighed again, in a resigned fashion. "Alright. Let's talk at home."

She smiled back at him as she reached out for his hand and gave it a squeeze. He was truly wonderful… he not only respected her need to be in a more private environment but he also offered silent support since he had already realised she was not okay. Sometimes she didn't exactly know how she had gotten so lucky…

The rest of the meal was uneventful. C.C. made small talk with some old acquaintances, a few people asked how she was doing and truly wished her to get better, and Fran entertained her with hilarious – and sometimes plain ridiculous – family anecdotes. The former nanny truly was a blessing sometimes… she managed to bring her out of her gloomy thoughts with surprising ease. After saying their goodbyes to the Sheffields and explaining that C.C. was tired and needed to make an early leave, they left the ballroom and took a cab home.

The ride back to the penthouse was silent, and Niles only held her to him, hoping that his touch helped soothe her. It seemed to work, for she slowly relaxed and, by the time they made it back to her penthouse she looked slightly more at ease than she was at the party.

However, he noticed she was avoiding their talk – she made an excuse of needing a bath (this time alone) as soon as they crossed the threshold; she took almost forty-five minutes in the bath, and an extra fifteen to get changed into her pyjamas before climbing into their bed. He noticed she was avoiding his gaze, so he got into bed with her, wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her to him.

"I am not going to let this go, Babcock," he said in a soft voice and kissed her neck. "What happened at the party?"

A long silence followed his question, but eventually C.C. heaved a sigh and spoke, "She… made a comment that upset me… a comment about me being infertile," she snuggled closer to him, basking in the feeling of safety that being in his embrace provided.

The words had almost the same effect as a punch in the gut for Niles. It was quickly replaced by another emotion that many people would feel after being physically assaulted, too – anger. How dare that...shrew...that C.C. had been speaking to make such a comment!

The topic of children hadn't come up in their relationship really, even if he had expressed the desire to have his own, he had been prepared to wait, both for marriage and to see how C.C. felt about the subject before bringing up the possibility of trying. But that was neither here nor there in this – whomever this woman was, she had no right to talk about something so private and so delicate so flippantly, in such a way as to hurt someone else.

And it had clearly hurt C.C. deeply.

He pulled her as close as was possible, "She had no right to do that."

"I know, but the damage is done," the producer mumbled. "And if she catches on that that's one of the reasons we left, she won't let go of it, either."

Niles sighed. He could have guessed that that would be the case. Anyone who was despicable enough to use the possibility of infertility as a weapon was despicable enough to spread it as an awful piece of gossip, too.

But they didn't know one way or another if C.C. even was...wouldn't be able to...he didn't really like thinking about it, but it was only a possibility at this point.

Not that it would mean he loved her any less if she was – far from it!

Perhaps that was why she had been so desperate for him to tell her how much he loved her...and promise that he would always love her. She was afraid that if she couldn't have children, he'd stop...

He made his hold on her even tighter, hoping that his arms could somehow become a shield that would protect her from everything and everyone that tried to hurt her. He couldn't care less if she ended up not being able to have children; he wasn't with her because she could give him children, he was with her because he loved her. With or without children.

"I want you to listen to me, and listen well – I love you. I'll love you no matter what, even if we can't have children – which is only a possibility, mind you."

He felt her shaking in his arms, and he loosened his grip momentarily so she could turn to face him. It was just that she was so tired of this... she was tired of her illness stealing things from her – it had taken her hair, her health, her energy... and now it might take her away the possibility to start a family?

She had never particularly felt that having children was a priority, but that didn't mean she didn't want them. She wanted to form a family with the man she loved...

"But... but you want children! How could you love me-"

He silenced her with a kiss. "Don't even dare to finish that sentence. I love you, C.C., and yes I do want children, but I want you more than I want them."

The producer wrapped her arms around his back and buried her face in the crook of his neck. She took a moment to breathe in his scent, to savour the bliss of being in his arms... there was a time when she'd have been horrified to be doing this with him, but now she couldn't imagine being this intimate with anyone else.

"You mean it?" she asked in an almost childlike voice.

"I do. But just for you to know, if having children is truly important to you – or rather, to us – then, when the time comes, we can recur to treatments or even adoption. And this is also hypothetical because we still don't know if you can't conceive."

"No… you're right," she shuddered out a breath, trying to calm herself. She had never felt so relieved, nor had her heart ever swelled quite so much with love as she was feeling right that instant. He wasn't going to stop loving her because of this – how could she possibly think that?

And he was right – it was all hypothetical, anyway. They hadn't any proof to say one way or the other. And even if they did get proof to suggest that...something might be up, they had options. Treatments, or adoption. Nothing was stopping them forming the family they wanted in the future.

She'd just let Miriam's bitterness get to her, that was all. The other woman had only brought it up because she was envious of C.C.'s relationship, and because she didn't have her own children living with her anymore. Not that C.C. particularly pitied them that – Miriam didn't exactly seem an ideal mother whenever she'd seen them at events with her, which was a rare sight in itself. She seemed to treat them like dolls that she could dress up and bring along whenever she felt like it.

No. She wasn't going to let a woman like that have any effect on how she felt. She'd be letting Miriam win if she did.

She felt Niles rubbing her back.

"Feeling any better?" he murmured. "I know me saying all this is probably not enough, but..."

"It is enough," she cut him off. "It's more than enough."

The producer shifted in his embrace again, forcing Niles to lie flat on his back so she could rest her head on his chest, just over his heart. She loved hearing the tranquil thumping of it against his chest – it was almost lulling...

Niles reached out for the duvet and covered them both before he closed his eyes and simply enjoyed holding her in his arms. It hadn't taken them long to discover just how wonderful intimacy with each other could be, and the most wonderful thing about it was that it didn't consist of just making love, it also included all the times they'd hold each other as they fell asleep, cuddling in the sofa, bathing together...

It was truly a new experience for both of them, and it was certainly proving that they were meant to be. They simply couldn't imagine sharing life with anyone else.

Niles also liked to watch C.C. sleep, so it wasn't uncommon for him to remain awake long after she had fallen asleep. This time was not the exception.

It didn't take long for her to be completely under, which was more than understandable considering the excitement of the day. They only had a few more weeks to enjoy like this, he thought, and then they'd have to go back to the hospital...

Only this time she'd be in an isolated room.

Wilson had told him that he would still be able to visit her, but he'd have to wear a mask and scrubs every time he went to see her. For, at least, a month or so, he wouldn't be able to hold her as he had grown used to do, and she'll also have to face a three month stay at the hospital...

It was going to be difficult, for the both of them. C.C. would have to spend most of that time alone, and he wouldn't be able to do anything to make it seem better – he'd try his hardest by visiting as often as he could, of course, but there would be times that he couldn't. He'd have to return to work, and let C.C. rest from the treatment just to start with. And what about night times? His own bed would feel horribly large and cold, without her body next to his own. He'd just have to imagine her warm embrace, and her kisses, and the feeling of being able to lie there holding her after they had finished lovemaking, completely overwhelmed and immeasurably satisfied.

At least one month of not feeling that love – of knowing she was out there, feeling the same way, but not able to do anything about it.

After having all this time together, having to let her go again, even for a little while, definitely seemed to be the hardest thing he'd ever have to do.

But when those three months were up, he wouldn't have to do it again. She could be entirely well – the treatment could work and the cancer could go. So he supposed he'd just have to put up with the loneliness and missing her in the meantime.

And then they could really start planning for the future.

He cast his eyes down towards C.C., and ran one finger lightly over the fingers of her left hand.

He definitely knew that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.

Maybe it was time to start thinking about how that was going to happen.

AN: Hello! Here you have another chapter :) Thank you so muchfor your reviews! They certainly keep us encouraged. We hope you like the two chapters we uploaded and we hope to get your feedback!

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