Note: Just as a warning, this chapter contains mature content.
Chapter 14: Did Venus Blow Your Mind?
1
Loki never wanted to have to sleep in the med bay again. But here he was, in the same chair next to the same bloodied and battered Tony for yet another week. He didn't know if he wanted to sleep or not, because real life was just as terrifying to him as the nightmares. Either way he was alone, and the torture never ended.
Bruce would come in and out, but the doctor would only leave with a hand on Loki's shoulder, because the only thing that could make the man feel better was Tony. Everything was out of his hands, out of everyone's hands, and that was the worst kind of poison. He held onto Tony so long that he was sure he would physically become part of him.
He didn't want to imagine what the damage was, but thoughts haunted his mind. Has Tony lost the memories again? Did he lose all of his memories and won't even remember his own name? Would he have irreversible brain damage? Would he be in a coma forever? Would he pass away in his sleep? Loki took a deep breath to keep himself from thinking about things like that. He was already hating himself on not talking more about Iðunn's apples with Tony, about keeping him forever, and being able to survive these kinds of injuries. If he lost Tony now… he would want to go with him. He had had enough. He couldn't put up with much more of this pain.
"I love you." He whispered. "And I am sorry." He laid his head down on Tony's hand that he was holding and pressed kisses to each finger, to the palm and the back, to his wrist, everywhere he could reach. Like Tony was a king. And he was Loki's king.
"F…" A quiet voice whispered. Loki's head shot up, knowing that they were the only ones in the room. "F… hu…"
"Tony." Loki whispered, his voice breaking because he didn't know what was happening. He quickly pressed for the call button, wanting Bruce to be here in case Tony tried to attack Loki again like he did the first time. Loki stood above the bed, leaning and whispering words of reassurance to Tony.
"For… what?" Tony managed to say, drowsy but aware in his mind.
"What?" Loki asked, choking on a sob, a cry mixed with a laugh, because there was a look in Tony's eyes that was clearly recognition, and that was a damn good sign enough for Loki right now.
"Sorry for what?" He managed to breath, and there was a simple smile on those lips. Loki blew a laugh, and buried his face in Tony's neck, letting himself cry because why the hell not. Bruce rushed into the room at this point, asking if everything was okay.
"He's awake." Loki told him. Bruce was hesitant at first, though when he saw that Tony was smiling, he let some of his worries disappear. He immediately checked all of the equipment to make sure that Tony's vitals and scans were fine. Loki held Tony's face in his hands, keeping him close. "You're okay." He whispered.
"I always am, darlin'." Tony said in a mocking accent. He looked… happy. Loki just beamed at him and peppered his face with kisses and overflowing with love. "Damn, someone's keen. What did I miss?"
"A week, actually." Bruce stated. "But just for a safety measure, and for my own content, can you tell me what you think the date is?" He just needed to know, right here and right now. Where was Tony at?
"Crap… uh… June? 2015?" He winced, like he was on a game show just throwing out an answer. Loki turns to Bruce, looking a little confused.
"It's August, Tony." Bruce corrected.
"But you said I've missed a week?" Bruce nodded at this, trying to figure it out himself.
"Did he forget again?" Loki asked.
"What do you mean again?"
"Tony what do you last remember?" Bruce asked, ignoring the question. Tony's eyes fuzzed a little, like he was trying to think. He was still waking up, although always had a snarky personality no matter the situation.
"I remember falling… falling from a building." He said, seeming unsure of himself, though nodded as though it was coming back to him.
"I think he remembers Sokovia." Bruce suggested. "Maybe the hit on the head knocked the memories that he lost before back in, from the Chitauri up until the Sokovia accident, but everything after that back out."
"So everything after the amnesia is gone?" Loki asks.
"And everything before has come back."
"Guys, guys, fill me in here?" Tony prodded. He looked like a guy that showed up halfway through a joke, trying to get the story from the punch line. Loki turned to him, and gave him a smile of reassurance.
"Everything is okay, my love." He whispered, voice filled with so much relief. Tony didn't understand much of what was going on, but he was with his husband, and that was all that he needed right now.
2
It took another two weeks for Tony to finally be able to leave the med bay. He would have scan after scan after scan to make sure that he wasn't going to suddenly have a seizure or anything of the sort, but everything seemed okay. Once again, he was a man of miracles. A survivor. His fractures were still healing, but they could do so in their own time. Tony was sick of hearing the beeping of machines and the smell of rubber gloves.
Loki would always have his hand on Tony's back, an assurance that he could walk even though he had crutches to help him along. Tony let Loki protect him, because he knew that it was more for Loki's peace of mind than anything else.
There was still a period of time lost in his mind, so it took him a little bit of time to get used to the smaller adaptations over the past two months that he had lost. He supposed that it was better to have lost two months than two years. Not that he remembered what it was like to forget all that time, and he was kind of thankful that he didn't remember it. He would get confused by all the mixing of time frames, of Loki repeating everything, and remembering himself suddenly falling out of love with Loki and working his way back up again. Even a genius can get lost in his own world sometimes.
Loki does take the time to talk to Bruce, though. To give his thanks and apologies.
"No need." Bruce reassured. "You did what you did with good intentions, I just helped you clear things up."
"But you were right. Say Ultron came just a little later, and I had not spoken to you. Tony would have been hurt, and it would have been irreversible. I… would not have been able to live with myself. So… thank you."
"You're family." Bruce said, and it made Loki feel like a child again. Tony had called him family, but for Bruce to, it really made him feel part of the Avengers. Even though he had been for almost two years, he still felt like the black sheep. But he supposed that that was just thoughts that everyone has about themselves.
He knew that Bruce felt like this, too. So he wanted to return the favour, to make him feel cared for; because he was. Loki stepped closer and wrapped his arms around Bruce in a hug, patting and rubbing his back. He felt a small laugh against his shoulder, and he smiled at it.
Loki left that room feeling a sense of relief and contentment, and Bruce stood in the room with the same smile on his face that Loki had.
3
"Your shitting me." Tony looked like a child on Christmas once Loki showed him the complete duo-device they finished creating. Last that he remembered was it being just a blueprint, but now it was right here in front of him and fully functional. He gave a mental fist bump to his past self and asked Loki to try it out with him to see it for the first time (that he will remember). Once again, the target fell, they shoot, the beam and magic zooming around the metal and tightened like a noose, burning and melting and crushing all at once.
"You should have seen it in battle. It worked on around a hundred of Ultron's men, practically turning them into fireworks. Just imagine what it could do with a thousand."
"I'm excited for just the one." Tony said, almost bouncing with glee.
Tony looked around his lab, finding things he left pretty much the same, some things worked on and some new things overall. It was like a burglar came in the night and gave you stuff rather than took it.
Loki much preferred Tony being excited by the change rather than being afraid of it like he was before. He's not cautious of Loki tampering with his stuff or being weirded out by his presence, he was content, and taking this change much easier.
They settled down after a while of getting used to his new workspace, and Loki showed his some of his magic that he had improved on, because Tony loved watching Loki work as much as Loki loved him watching.
Tony looked at Loki, and he looked different since the last time that he saw him. Not just because two months had passed in his lost time, but he looked… dispirited. Forlorn. Tired, almost. And he supposed that he must be. After having to deal with Tony so suddenly when things were going great between them must have taken its toll on Loki's lifestyle. But he was still here, by Tony's side, just as devoted as he always had been and still so in love. Tony wanted to bring Loki to the bright state he was used to, and had an idea.
"I want us to go to bed." Tony stated, almost out of nowhere. "Do the real thing, wink wink." Loki gave a breathy laugh, eyes still on his magic.
"That keen, are we? Maybe I should get knighted. Sir Silvertongue. How do you like the sound of that?"
"I mean…" Loki looked at him when he doesn't finish his sentence, but rather used his fingers to motion what he was trying to say, and Loki knew what he wanted. He gaped like a fish for a moment or two, and Tony had never seen him so muddled. He found it kind of funny. Maybe he's not so worthy of being Sir Silvertongue after all.
"You're injured." Loki settled with mumbling. He had never been this nervous around Tony since he first came back to Midgard, only then was for his safety, now it was for Tony's.
"Loki, I have been tortured to the point of having a fist-sized hole in my chest and I still managed to build a whole Iron Man suit and survive wandering in the desert alone for hours. I think I can handle a little bit of back and forth action with you." He gave a compelling argument, but he saw that Loki was still trying to find something to counteract.
Not that Loki doesn't want them to make love, it was merely the remnants of his over-bearing care and need to protect Tony that was telling him that he should watch his step. He mentally rid of the thought with a fly swatter and told himself that Tony wanted him. And after everything that had happened, Loki himself definitely wanted this.
4
Loki led Tony to the bed with gentle hands. He double checked the temperature in the room, made sure he had enough lubricant, and asked Tony if he was okay every other minute. It drove Tony insane, but he loved it. Loki was making this out to be like it was some kind of royal ceremony.
He eased Tony out of his clothes, careful and alert in case he hurt Tony's fractured arm or leg, barely brushing the casts as though a feather touch could do any kind of damage. Tony used said arm to pull Loki closer, to show that he was still strong and could handle a bit of roughness. After everything, he knew that Loki was just as excited as he was to get back at it, he just needed to get him on the same page.
"Easy." Loki whispered, more to himself than to Tony, as he eased them both onto the bed, both naked, both eager, and both wanting. He sighed into his husband's neck, and even though they had been intimate before, there's something just that little bit more relieving about finally being able to have the real Tony back, and being able to make love for the millionth time, rather than pretending it was the first. He settled between the shorter man's legs, breathing him in and just lying in the moment.
Soon Tony coaxed Loki up, and he went for the lubricant on their night stand. The simple steps they were so used to seemed like climbing a mountain for Loki. He forgot just how much lubricant he needed, underestimating and overestimating, until Tony took his hand and did it for him. Loki watched as Tony completed the simple task with ease, feeling like he was the one who was now out of time. He laughed, and Tony took it without asking why.
Loki took his time preparing his husband, and it felt like it had been at least an hour, but both of them loved it. He did not want to rush this, and Tony wouldn't dare tell him to speed things up, because he didn't want him to either. He just laid there, feeling Loki's fingers inside him, and running his hands up Loki's back and in his hair and kissing his shoulder and just pouring his love on Loki because he knew that he needed it. He could feel the way that he so desperately needed it.
"Okay." Loki whispered to no one. "Okay."
The air was already hot even before they had begun, and only got hotter when Loki had taken his time easing into his husband like it was their first time. He leaned his head on Tony's chest as though he was begging for forgiveness, though there was no need for such a thing.
He checked on Tony every time he took the slightest breath or moved at all, and Tony wanted nothing more than to make Loki feel safe. To let him know that nothing he did would hurt him. He wanted to feel this moment, but he could tell by the look of such concentration on Loki's face that he was trying so hard to hold back, trying not to hurt Tony. But Tony didn't care if every single bone in his body turned to dust at the touch of Loki, he needed this right now. They both needed this right now.
"Loki." Tony whispered, holding his lover's face in his hands to make him look at him. "It's okay." He assured. "I want this."
Loki kept his eyes locked with Tony's as he moved, not breaking the contact. Tony's eyes didn't leave his either. He took comfort in Tony's words, knowing that he didn't need to be so cautious. This was sex, and he knew what Tony liked in bed, but he was still treating him like he's a different person. He was still trying to shake off the feelings and memories of him being so vulnerable.
He increased the speed of his movement, wanting to give him and Tony the pleasure that they had waited so long for. He kept mindful of Tony's injuries, but didn't let that prevent him from pouring his love out that he had kept caged. His breath was coming out in quick harsh beats, ceasing every now and again when he buried his face in Tony's neck to press rough kisses to his skin, being encouraged by the soft moans coming from the throat he was running his tongue along.
When they usually make love, they like to experiment with positions and equipment and changing things around every now and again, but right now, in this moment, Loki was content with the simplest of actions. Just having Tony lay here beneath him, asking for his touch, and responding with giving him everything he is asking for and more is enough for him. Tony's hands running up and down Loki's back were sending shivers through him. Whispering each other's names, telling each other just how much they loved them was enough to spur Loki to keep moving.
Everything he needed to be satisfied was right here in his arms, and when he looked into Tony's hazed eyes, filled with pleasure and promises, did he feel the wave flow through his entire body, wrecking him of everything he held back for. For the first time in months did Loki feel so complete, and at home. He kept going, even when he was done, because he wanted to see the same feeling on Tony's face and body, and because he didn't want to let go. If he let go, he felt like he was going to get sucked into the sky, so he held onto his world, who held onto him back.
When Tony came, he threw his head back, back arching and sealing themselves in a deal they never made. Neither of them moved for minutes, just laid in the bliss of the moment and relearning what life felt like beyond the throes of passion.
Loki slowly rolled to his side of the bed, linking his hand with Tony's because there was no way that he was about to let him go. They let their breathing slow down, and their heart rates lower, feeling the cool breeze of the room settle on their bodies like dandelion florets. Tony laughed into the air, because he always loved the feeling of his chest freeing up when he's happy. And he was. Absolutely, one hundred per cent happy.