Chapter 14
Slowly the figures formed themselves in the little stage.
It was working! Nicholas almost jumped. At last he could show Carolyn what her money was paying for.
He'd better call her now.
"Do you think that Ted Kennedy will want to be a candidate?"
"Ted Kennedy was born to be a candidate." Maggie said.
She drove her fist into her palm. As long as they kept talking politics, she was safe.
What kind of a fool was she? Did she actually expect real life to behave like one of her fantasies? She had gotten to Barnabas all right. And he had reacted just as in 1967.
Did she expect otherwise?
Barnabas stared ahead, forcing himself to pay attention to the road.
Amy was right. Whatever happened in 1967 was not reason to forget that Chris was in trouble now.
...If only Maggie didn't look so much like Josette...
He was grateful for the darkness inside the car that prevented his seeing her face. He was grateful for her voice, for the things he was saying, so unlike Josette...
"Carter expects us to be kamikazes" she was saying "he expects us to vote for his programs only because they are morally right."
"What's wrong with that?"
"We run for reelection every two years. And he offers us nothing in exchange for jeopardizing our careers. No, I know what you are going to say. We are supposed to stand up for our convictions. But he expects us to do that for his convictions... Eventually a time comes when you have to decide whether to take a stand and go down in honor, or compromise and try to put through a project of your own that might be more important and that might not get off the ground if you aren't there to push it."
"And what happens when you sacrifice that project for something that you think is more important? And at what point being reelected becomes the most important thing?
"I know what you mean. There are people like that. I meet them every day. And I hope I'll never end up that way. Shrunken ethics is an occupational risk. Even so, you have to learn to compromise. I don't think that Hubert Humphrey would have accomplished so much if he hadn't learned to compromise."
"I saw Humphrey's funeral on TV. I saw you, standing close to Muskie."
'You did? He was a great man. We didn't know it then. We were stupid enough to say that there was no difference between him and Nixon."
"We have been punished enough for that."
Maggie was about to pick up a cigarette when she remembered with whom she was riding. Relief filled her. She had been a real fool. Had it not been for Amy's phone call, she'd have paid for it.
After that, she would give Amy what she wanted. She would hire Sabrina away from Collinsport.
Come to think of it, Sabrina could be a real asset to the staff. And that girl...the one that was chafing from routine chores, she could be put to assist Sabrina and learn about security and damage control...
The lights of the hotel came in front of them. Soon they would be warm inside. Soon they would see each other again.
...Soon she might start imitating Josette...
"So it is working?" Carolyn studied the small stage where Barnabas and Maggie were now entering the hotel.
"As you see. Him and Representative Evans."
"Maggie. A servant in this house."
She didn't want to imitate Josette. She didn't want to drive him over the edge again.
But she couldn't stop herself. No sooner had the light shone on their faces that she had extended her hand to him. Limply, as Josette might have done.
When they had come in and she had shed off her bulky clothing she stepped gracefully in front of him. And she turned around as if she was swirling a long skirt,, not wearing pants...
"This is a very elegant place." she had said "makes me feel I am in another century?
He stared at her trying to shake off those words. He found himself shivering, trying to hold back the madness that might capture him again...
Somebody pulled at his sleeve.
It was Elsa, the owners' daughter. She was a bright ten-year-old who surveyed the scene as if she didn't think that the business could run well without her supervision.
"What do you want?" he bent towards her.
"Are you going in?"
"Yes."
"Be careful where you stand. We got a floor length mirror. And there are several out-of-towners. Make sure you don't scare them away."
"Or you'll see me in court." Barnabas smiled "All right, I'll be extremely careful."
"Do you think that we can take photos of him now?"
"I don't know how we are fixed for the light" Might need special equipment...
"I have it. Go set it up."
"So that man, Davenport, thinks that we can power it with a small waterfall."
"Yes. And I think we should go along. After all, it's about time that we put to use the State's hydroelectric potential. It is clean energy and we already have the technology."
As long as they kept speaking...as long as he was more interested in what she said than in how she moved, as long as he didn't notice the way the couldn't help behave...
"We have two waterfalls in the place. One is on Carolyn's land, so we might as well forget about it."
"And the second?"
"In the Indian reservation."
Maggie would have let out a whistle but didn't. Josette would never do it...
"And now the Indians are trying to get their lands back."
"It is going to be a problem." Barnabas acknowledged.
"This business with the Indians is putting a strain in many people's liberal principles."
"It is much easier to be liberal with somebody else's problems. Historically, whatever the benefits of liberalism were, the Indians weren't included in them. In the old days..."
...In the old days... a crying, screaming woman...looking at him...
...Maggie?...Maggie?...
...No, not Maggie. An Indian woman's face...
He shook what was the matter with him? Why did he keep churning the past? Why couldn't he look at Maggie and see Maggie?
Maggie saw him pull back, shivering.
."He...He's noticing what I am doing.
She put her hand on his forehead, gently, lovingly.
"Josette" he murmured.
Maggie pulled her hand back. She tried to keep her arms next to her body, not to move in any way.
"Are you afraid of me, Josette? You must not."
She should scream, run away, anything. Instead, she smiled at him.
"I am not afraid."
"Say, are you Representative Evans?"
Maggie turned, automatically giving to whoever was speaking her best vote-getting smile.
"My name is Robert Gray. These are my wife an kids."
"Nice to meet you, Mr. Gray."
"Josette?" Barnabas asked again. He again.
Josette was kissing babies, charming a couple she knew nothing about, just because they might mean a couple more votes next election.
"She's not Josette. She's LBJ."
"So he's got somebody who'll put up another industry in town, after all." Carolyn said bitingly.
"Do you want to so something about it?"
"Just take photos of him."
"What good would that do?"
"Get photos of him when he's feeding. I think we will get them soon tonight. He looks rather hungry. Then we'll give him the choice of forgetting the whole thing, or waiting until Davenport sees the photos."
Barnabas stood next to the door that Maggie had just closed. She was going to sleep. Put on her nightgown and lie on her bed.
And her throat would be bare.
...As it had been in 1967...
He pulled himself away. No, he couldn't stay...He couldn't do it again...
But what had he done the first time?
Why did Maggie have to look so much like Josette? And why the music box?
If he went and pressed his lips to Maggie's throat, would he find answers there?
And if he found them, could he escape them?
There was an ache inside him, a tearing. He was lost and in pain. Oh God! He hadn't hurt like this since...since...
Since 1967.
He went down the stairs to the lobby, not daring to look at the closed door behind him. There was music coming from somewhere. He listened to it.
"My life seems unreal/ my crime an illusion/ a scene badly written/ in which I must play."
That old Simon and Garfunkel song...
Then came the long wail "...Somewhere, they can't find me."
He was now singing, and keeping the beat with his fingers.
Memories of listening to that song came to him. Alone, roaming at night, full of pain he couldn't understand, he had listened to it, and to others.
"Blessed are the meth drinkers, pot sellers, illusion dwellers/ Oh, Lord, why have you forsaken me."
And he had wondered how could Simon and Garfunkel know so much about him and his pain.
"Impaled on my wall/my eyes can dimly see/the pattern of my life/and the puzzle that is me."
"Like a rat in a maze/the path before me lies/and the pattern never alters/until the rat dies."
"So my fantasy/becomes reality/and I be what I must be/and face tomorrow."
Oh, God, how he needed those songs...how he needed the peace that came through them...
Elsa shook his arm.
"Try to make less noise."
He looked at her. He felt somewhat lighter now. More capable of appreciating that impish child.
"You are right, kid" she smiled at her.
Somehow Elsa made him think of Sara...And... Did Sarah appear to him back then?.. anyway Elsa had been born in 1969, and he was sure that Sara was not there then...
"Do you plan to go into show business?" she asked him innocently.
"No. You think I should?"
"In the Gong Show, yes."
Barnabas could not help laughing. Elsa always managed to do that. But she needed a warning all the same.
He put a knuckle under her chin and made her look up.
"Nobody likes a precocious child."
Maggie was shaking, wondering when Barnabas would break in.
He was too shaken to resist the temptation now. And when he came in...
When he came in there would be no phone calls from Amy. Elsa would not come interrupt. No Robert Gray and family to pull her back to reality, either...
Once he came in, neither of them would be able to stop playing. the game. They would both want to be free of it, but they wouldn't be able to do anything about it.
She had sneered when Willie had hinted that Barnabas hadn't been able to stop himself in 1967. That he had been driven. She didn't believe that anybody could be driven that way.
And now, she was as much driven as he had been.
Why did she send the box a few days ahead of her? Why did she give herself such bad excuses to keep at her crazy game? Why hadn't she thought what might happen if Barnabas was pushed too far?
And now, why didn't she take the cross from her bag and hang it around her neck?
He might not come...
Not come? You want him to come, Maggie baby, and you got this crazy idea that you'll remain in control of the situation.
...Maybe I'll get rid of the dreams...and after all, it is a matter of principle.
Principle? Didn't you listen to yourself in the car? "Eventually a time comes when you have to choose between standing for what you believe and going down in glory, or compromising to save an important project which without you wouldn't get off the ground."
What would happen to her plans for hydroelectric energy in Maine if Barnabas pulled her back into being Josette again?
Quickly she slipped the cross over her head.