Conversations

A/N So, does anyone know the rule about how much time has to pass between updates for your new chapter to go to the top of the queue? Because yesterday I posted about 15 hours apart and my story never came to the top the second time :( Hopefully you haven't all just stopped reading. If you missed it, chapter 13 is Ziva and Gibbs in a bar.

This chapter follows Family, and features some vague references to Jenny and Tony.

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"So what's so complicated?" Gibbs asked as they drove back to the office after the safe delivery of the con-artist's baby to its happy new parents. Tony and Tim had driven themselves and gone straight home, but he and Ziva were driving back to NCIS to get their cars.

"About having children?" Ziva asked guardedly.

"Yeah." He glanced at her sideways.

Ziva stared out the window. "There are many reasons it would be difficult for me to have a child."

He slowed to a stop at a light and shrugged, watching her. "I mean, I get that Mossad isn't the safest lifestyle, but you could give it up if you had a kid. Believe me, Ziva." The last part he said with such longing that she turned.

"Even if that lifestyle were all you had to raise them for?"

"You would never do that," Gibbs said firmly.

She sighed. "It is not just that."

Gibbs raised his eyebrows. "Are you alright?"

She looked away. "There were complications during my last abortion."

"Last?" Gibbs' face contorted in surprise before he could control it.

Ziva shrugged. "Standard practice. The light is green."

He stepped on the gas, still glancing back and forth between Ziva and the road."Your own father ordered you to--"

She turned to glare at him. "Should I have chosen to bear the children of men I killed?"

He sighed. "They were all targets?"

In his peripheral vision, he saw her face fall and knew they weren't.

She saw the knowledge in his eyes and shook her head.

"Who, then?

Ziva smiled sadly. "The first time I was twenty-three. I was undercover in Panama and fell in love with a civilian. They pulled me the minute they found out I was in too deep, of course."

"But you would have had his child?"

She pressed her lips firmly together. "It is complicated," she finally repeated.

Gibbs nodded.

"But there certainly is no one I could have a child with now, anyway."

Gibbs grinned and raised his eyebrows pointedly as he slammed to another stop.

"What?" Ziva exclaimed, provoked as he'd intended.

"You were watching Tony with that baby, earlier," he said gently, teasingly.

Ziva scoffed and crossed her arms in her seat.

"Well, I'm not saying you should," Gibbs returned with his usual gruff sarcasm, and was pleased to see her smile just before she turned away. "Hey, you don't have to admit it, Ziva, but I remember those months with Jenny, attuned to every detail of each other. I could hardly stand it. I can't tell you what a relief it's been that you two have managed to control yourselves."

"It hasn't been such hard work," she retorted drolly, and Gibbs laughed.

"That's why there are rules," he answered. "So it is work. Because otherwise..."

"Otherwise?" She quirked an eyebrow. Now Ziva was the one teasing.

"You think I don't know?" he threw back, "I remember how good it felt when it finally happened, finally getting to--" his words cut off as his memory suggested a dozens endings to his sentence. Getting to kiss her, getting to pin her to a bed and touch her everywhere, getting to watch her face as it contorted in pleasure. He could feel his heartbeat speed up just at the memory, and as he looked back to Ziva he saw dismay in her eyes as she recognized something in his words.

"Nothing's ever--" she started.

He shook his head.

"Gibbs--"

"Forget it, Ziva, I know you follow orders."

She nodded slowly. "Yes."

They were nearing the navy yard and Gibbs took the last few corners even faster than usual. But as they pulled into the garage, he waited to unlock the doors until Ziva turned, impatience in her face.

"It is worth it," he said firmly. "Even when there's danger, or risk, there's nothing else in my life that has been as valuable as my years with Kelly."

Ziva searched his face for a moment, for what he wasn't sure, then nodded and got out of the car.