14. Would You Rather?

Not long ago, Zelda received a call from a very happy train conductor. She was told to meet them at the station in two days; the final warriors were arriving early. The princess calls for Link and says, "Tell the warriors that we're meeting at Hyrule Park tomorrow."

Today is yesterday's tomorrow. Zelda just wanted a meeting, but most warriors brought food, so it's a picnic meeting. They have the entire park to themselves, so space isn't an issue, not to mention that the park is free. That's some expenses that Impa doesn't have to calculate into the royal budget, so she's happy.

All Cia has to do to get everyone's attention is stand up. Young Link and Toon Link pause their game and regroup. Cia announces, "Things are going to run a little differently this time. As you all know, a mysterious entity has been collecting questions designed for us. A game called Would You Rather, I believe, is the plan."

Honestly and truly, Agitha is excited. Proxi asks Cia, "Are you going to read all of the question?"

"Even better, we're just going to see them in bold letters," the sorceress replies.

Proxi isn't sure what that means, but she'll soon enough find out.

If that's the case, let the questions begin!

Tingle, would you rather meet your Wind Waker counterpart OR your Minish Cap counterpart?

"And we're off to a great start," sarcastically remarks the hero. Zelda frowns in his direction. He shrugs it off.

Tingle isn't sure, so he asks, "Why? What's the difference? They're all me, right?"

"There are like… 30 of you in my era," Toon Link replies. Tingle laughs and replies, "But none of them are as wonderful as I." Ganondorf is considering making nametags, Ghirahim #1 and Ghirahim #2, so he can tell which one is actually the demon lord. Otherwise telling the difference will be unnecessarily difficult.

"But enough teasing," interjects the man in question. "If I had to choose, I suppose I would meet my Minish Cap counterpart. Why, you ask? Well, why not?"

Before they move on, Zelda makes an interesting observation. She asks, "Wait, why is Tingle constantly reincarnated? Link, Ganondorf and I are reincarnated because of our curse, and Impa is somewhat involved, but… why Tingle?" The truth is nobody knows, not even the Guardian of Time.

Cia, would you rather have Link all to yourself OR be remerged with Lana?

Cia smiles. She asks, "Isn't it obvious? Becoming one with Lana makes no difference in my life, but Link… yes, all of Link just for me. That is my choice."

Lana doesn't know if she would be offended that her other half would choose Link over her. But then again, she probably would have chosen the same.

Zelda, would you rather pet a Remlit or handle boring paperwork?

Hyrule's princess rests her chin in her palm. She supposes that one is depending. If it is a friendly Remlit, why wouldn't she rather pet it? On the other hand, paperwork is predictable. "That's choosy," she responds. "But I might take my chances with the Remlit. Who knows? It might be a day where paperwork just doesn't sound appealing."

Princess Ruto, would you rather be engaged to Link despite having Young Link as your fiancé until he gets older OR continue to be engaged to Young Link but he's wearing his Zora Mask?

Age or race: which is more appealing to Ruto?

"Wait, we're engaged?!" Young Link was not informed.

"Wait, you're engaged to an older woman?!" Darunia was not informed either.

Ruto rolls her eyes. She explains, "He was my age when he promised to marry me." Darunia is still not ok with this. He needs to go sit down.

After careful consideration, Ruto makes a decision- "I think I would rather have my Link, but be a Zora. Just because he's one of us doesn't mean he's a different person."

YL, would you rather be Tingle's son, OR his wingman at his wedding? (You won't end up as both)

Now Young Link can fret about something else. "I have to be Tingle's wingman or his son?!" he yells.

"Only hypothetically," Tetra assures. She is spinning her cutlass on her forefinger. Fi is watching intently, trying to predict when it will fly off and who it will hit.

The prepubescent hero begins to think aloud- "Well, if I was his son, would that change who I am? Would I still be friends with Saria? Wait, how long would Tingle's wedding be? If it is short, I might be able to get out of there before I'm recognized."

No matter what YL would prefer now, Tingle's feelings are hurt. But ultimately, YL would choose to be the wingman. He's never been to a wedding before, and going to one strange wedding won't scar him for life… hopefully.

Cia, would you rather have a Link body pillow or a statue of Link shirtless?

"Excuse me, but these questions are becoming a little too personal. Can I request we ask Cia a different question?"

Cia snickers before mocking, "Does that question make you uncomfortable, Zelda?"

"I'll be honest, that question makes me uncomfortable," Link admits. He would rather these women not have body pillows of him.

The dark sorceress ignores Link. "Can the body pillow be shirtless, too?" Lana's face falls into her hands. She might cry.

Fi, would you rather switch roles with Ghirahim (meaning you'll be the demon blade and Ghirahim would be the goddess blade) OR compete against a super computer in a chess match?

Zelda adds, "The submitter of this question also said 'there's a 70% chance that you'll have trouble with this one', Fi."

The sword spirit considers this question analytically. She concludes, "If Ghirahim took my place as Hylia's sword, it is highly probable that the hero would kill himself. I cannot take that risk, so I must compete with the super computer. I believe I like chess, anyways."

Ghirahim was just roasted so hard that Zant could make s'mores from the heat. Ganondorf and the minion just mentioned will pester Ghirahim with this one for ages.

Agitha: Stag beetles OR ants?

Agitha gasps in horror. "No! They are both so wonderful!" She proceeds to cry.

Ok! Ok, how about this instead? Would you rather bugs that fly OR bugs that swim?

The girl perks up. "OOO! I prefer bugs that fly. Many of them have really pretty wings." She touches the fake wings on her back, assuring she is wearing them. Sometimes she forgets to put them on in the morning. She remembered this morning.

Fi, would you rather fight three Bokoblin-sized Imprisoneds OR one Imprisoned-sized Bokoblin?

Ghirahim nods, saying, "Another question for her. A little more logic in this one."

Fi examines the pros and cons of each scenario. Ultimately, she concludes that an Imprisoned-sized Bokoblin is less of a threat than three Bokoblin-sized Imprisoneds. That is her choice.

"But what if the question means the captain Bokoblins instead of the little minions?" Midna challenges. Fi's answer does not change.

Ganondorf, would you rather married a rock OR get beaten by a woman again?

"What?" is all Ganondorf can say. Several warriors are laughing aloud. Ganondorf stutters, "No, seriously, this question is grammatically incorrect. Am I wedding a rock, or giving a rock and its… significant other the whole 'and do you take blank to be your lawfully wedded' spiel?"

Now the warriors that were laughing before are laughing even harder, and the warriors that weren't laughing are now laughing.

Furthermore, "The other half of the question is also incorrect, so I cannot answer this one." Pride successfully salvaged.

Link, would you rather date Cia OR Ruto?

Yep, this is just what Link needed right now, especially after Cia's body pillow question.

With a sigh, Link responds, "I'm going to have to say Ruto. I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings, but that's the truth."

Cia nods. "It's alright. That doesn't mean your opinion can't change."

Zelda, would you rather wear Cia's clothes for a day OR Zant's clothes for a day?

Well, at least it's not a relationship question, the princess thinks to herself. "Basically the question is would I rather be just barely modest or completely hidden under my clothes."

Zant says, "If you need to, you can lower the helmet." He demonstrated by doing so before adding, "I personally like having that option."

"You know," Zelda mutters. "I think I'm honestly going to have to say Cia's clothes, just because I'm afraid I'll trip over the sleeves."

The Twilight King nods, saying, "That is true. When your sleeves are this long, it helps to be my height."

Linkle, would you rather use crossbows and Pegasus boots at the same time OR eat some eggs?

Linkle feels rejuvenated. She replies, "I don't see a downside to using both my crossbows and my boots at the same time. That'd be awesome! I should try that sometime! You'll fight me, right Skull Kid?"

"Only if there is something in it for me," answers the kid.

Ghirahim, would you rather have a bad hair day OR resurrect your master only to have him destroy you?

"Gah! I'll be destroyed either way!"

Midna finds that answer amusing. She says, "Dude, I'm pretty sure you'll live even if your hair looks terrible."

Ghirahim gets into Midna's personal space while frantically stuttering, "No, no, no, you don't understand. If my hair is ruined, I'm ruined. Nobody can ever see me on a bad hair day, or I'll die."

The Twilight Princess looks at the hero. "Here that, Link!" she calls. "You just need to catch Ghirahim on a bad hair day, and the world is saved."

"If only that worked for Ganondorf," snidely remarks Zelda, which gets a laugh out of Link.

The demon lord calms down, finally answering, "But, if I must choose, I would rather Demise be my end than my hair." Ganondorf nods and says, "Good to know."

Midna and Zant, would you rather be a Goron OR a Zora?

Zant is intrigued, asking, "A question for both of us?"

"Well, as you know, I'm a pretty big fan of my true form," Midna states. "But if I must be something else, I'd say a Goron. Just based off of what Darunia has told me, Gorons are a chill people who just wanna have fun. I could live that way."

Darunia is truly proud. "And that's why you're a brother, Midna."

Zant crosses his arms and asks, "Are you sure about that, Midna? The Zora are a structured society under the rule of a monarch. Surely, their kind will live on through the ages. That is why I am siding with the Zoras."

"See? Someone understands," remarks the Zora Princess.

Midna gives Zant a nasty glare. "We can never agree, can we?"

"Nope."

Lana, would you rather cast a giant Cucco spell OR try to out sexy Cia?

The light sorceress takes a moment to understand the question. She then asks, "Wait, I am Cia, so shouldn't I already be as sexy as her?"

Many warriors are shaking their heads. Proxi is the only one brave enough to say, "In all honesty, you're really not much like Cia. You look like her, but your personalities are polar opposite."

"Exactly! I look like her, so I should be as sexy as her." She claps her hands once and says, "There! That's my answer. One day I'm going to out-sexy you, Cia."

Lana's other half guffaws before saying, "Good luck with that."

Skull Kid, would you rather be able to read the minds of your fairy friends OR be able to read Majora's mind?

Upon hearing his name, Skull Kid wakes up. "What? A question for me?"

"UH, yeah," mumbles Young Link. "Do you need the question repeated?"

Skull Kid shakes his head and explains that he just wasn't expecting that. He proceeds to answer, "Oh, Majora's mind, definitely." He doesn't know why; he just thinks Majora would be more interesting.

Darunia, spend a day racing OR feasting on high quality Rock Sirloin?

The Goron is torn. He replies, "As much as I love racing, I think I'd rather sit down with an endless buffet. I might not be able to get up the next day, but it would be worth it."

Darunia, would you rather arm wrestle with Ganondorf on a platform above lava OR give Link a "Goron Hug" while under water (when wearing the Zora Tunic)?

His fellow warriors have to snap him out of his sirloin fantasies. He asks, "Wait, another one for me? Two in a row?" All Zelda can say is that the question order is randomized, and it just happened to randomly pick two for him in a row.

Eventually Darunia shrugs this off and considers the question. "Arm wrestle with Ganondorf above lava? That'd be a hot competition." And he laughs at his own pun. One or two warriors laugh with him, while the rest cringe.

"As for my second option… wait, am I wearing the Zora Tunic, or is Link wearing the Zora Tunic?" This generates a few laughs. Link explains that he thinks the question is saying that he's wearing the tunic, not Darunia. With that out of the way, Darunia says, "I'll give Link a hug anywhere but underwater, so arm wrestling with Ganondorf it is."

Wizzro, would you rather be stuck as a ring forever OR work for Cia forever?

The twisted wizard expresses disappointment before asking, "Aw, why couldn't my first question be a dirty relationship question?"

"We'll skip over you if you don't answer!" Impa threatens.

As calm as ever, Wizzro holds up a hand and says, "Hey, I'm just having a little fun. We're twenty questions in, and this is my first one."

"You've been counting?" asks Midna.

Wizzro ignores her and thinks about his "would you rather" question. This time he give a genuine frown. He says, "Neither of these options is good. The point of this game is to have an option that is better than the other."

Volga slowly nods, saying, "That's why you get to choose which one you prefer." "But I hate both of these," whines the wizard, turning towards Volga in the process.

For once, Lana loses her patience. "And moving on!"

Cia, would you rather "Have a partner who is blind" OR "Have a partner who is deaf"

"These are in quotation marks, so are they theoretical? Do they have a double meaning?"

Lana examines the question, deciding, "I don't think so. Just, which do you prefer?" Cia responds, "Well, if they're blind, they can't witness my beauty, so I suppose they just have to be deaf."

Now Ganondorf needs three nametags; Ghirahim 1, 2, and 3. Three will even be a different gender!

Agitha, would you rather have a Gohma for a pet OR a cute little mantis?

The little girl gasps with joy, bursting with imagination. "Wow!" she exclaims. "A cute little mantis, please!" Several shoulders drop in disappointment. Wizzro really wanted to actually give Agitha a Gohma for her birthday. (He guesses he still could, but he wouldn't be able to say "but you said you wanted one during our game of Would You Rather".)

Link, would you rather be the one to set up a date with you and a girl of your choosing OR go on a date with a guy but not realize it was a date until afterwards?

Link bellows, "WHAT?!" Almost every warrior is in uproar with laughter. Even the innocent Medli found that hysterical. She comments, "That's messed up."

With his hands out in front of him, Link replies, "I'd obviously rather pick a girl to go on a date with. At least I'd know what I was getting myself into."

Midna, would you rather remain in your real form OR have your Link back with you?

"Hmm…" she expresses. "That's a tough one. If I had to be cursed, at least the Link from my time is ok with being a wolf."

"What makes you think I wouldn't want to be a wolf?" the Link from the current era asks. Midna looks at him. They stare at each other for a solid thirty seconds before Midna looks forward again and replies, "Yeah, but I think I'd rather go back to my real form and stay like that."

Agitha, would you rather have the power to turn anything into candy OR marry Link?

Agitha's finger comes up to her chin, and her head turns. "I don't know. Which Link are we talking about?"

"Agitha!" Zelda exclaims in horror.

The girl giggles as she says, "No, really, I do like Young Link. If he'd marry me, that'd be great."

Young Link wasn't paying attention. "What?" he asks with the derpiest expression.

Toon Link, would you rather ride the Spirit Train OR continue riding on the King of Red Lions (King Daphnes)?

Toon Link looks at King Daphnes and says, "I do miss the days we sailed the seas together." The king is flattered. TL answers, "Yeah, if King D would let me, I'd like to go back to the good old days on the sea. I'm not bothered knowing that he's not actually a boat."

Volga, would you rather be in human form forever OR in dragon form forever?

The dragon knight is thankful for a question he can logically reason out. He explains, "There are benefits to both forms. I was born a dragon, so even though my fighting style would change, I would rather never take a human form." Everyone stares at him, waiting for more. When he notices, he defends, "What? That's my reasoning."

Ghirahim, would you rather use cheap conditioner OR not brush/comb your hair?

"I swear, you all are in cahoots! You put your heads together to come up with questions you knew would torture me!" he accuses. Fi believes she is feeling amusement.

Ganondorf doesn't have the patience for any more nonsense, so he demands, "Just answer the question!"

"Well, if you must know," Ghirahim suavely states. "My hair rarely, if ever, becomes tangled, so I'll take my chances and not brush my hair if it means I can still use my choice conditioner." That was more drama than it was worth.

Proxi, would you rather get into a cat fight with Young Link's friend Navi if she were around OR Skull Kid's friend Tatl?

Me, really, thinks the fairy in question. She is in the spotlight, which is actually quite intimidating. Both of Skull Kid's fairy friends are listening intently. Link gives Proxi an assuring nod. Now assured, Proxi is ready to answer. She says, "From what I've heard, I'd have a better chance at winning against Tatl, so I guess I'd fight her if I had to."

"What?!" cries Tael's sister. She shakes with fury. Proxi boldly faces her furious competitor companion. "You heard me," she snaps. Tatl is already swinging fists. Skull Kid uses his hat as a net to catch and pull Tatl back. If he lets go, someone could get hurt.

Link, would you rather run around in your birthday suit OR date your mare?

The hero face-palms. Zelda is struggling to remain civilized. Impa is beginning to wonder if Link was given any modest questions that don't involve relationships in any way.

Medli asks, "You mean that handsome tux you wore on your birthday? I don't think that ever made it back from the dry-cleaners."

"The other birthday suit, Medli," snickers Midna. She might be a princess, too, but that doesn't mean she has to think like one. Perhaps it's best if Medli doesn't ask questions from here.

Link claps when he cleverly conceives a logical escape from this one. "I could easily break-up with Epona. There! I'd date Epona."

Ghirahim snaps to get Fi's attention. He says, "I propose we play Truth or Dare at the next meeting. I'm curious to see what dares these demented entities ponder." Zant laughs. Fi doesn't hesitate to disregard that suggestion.

Ganondorf, would you rather have another weapon suited for the King of Evil OR fight with your bare fists like in Smash bros?

Many beautiful memories of Smash Brothers play like a slideshow in Ganondorf's head. Nothing is quite as satisfying as tossing Link out of the sky, an explosion confirming that the hero has been KO'd. Not to mention the other crushable opponents: twin plumbers and their shelled nemesis; a pink puffball, a masked swordsman, and a hammer-swinging penguin; a blue-haired prince and a buff warrior; that's just scratching the surface.

With all that said, Ganondorf replies, "I can picture myself punching Cia into oblivion. Yeah, I'd go into battle without a weapon."

"Didn't anyone teach you that it's rude to hit a lady?" Ruto chastises.

Wizzro, would you rather not hear voices in your head OR be treated with respect?

Wizzro faces his fellow warriors. "It would be nice for once to get some respect around here!" Several warriors are giggling.

Zelda retorts, "To earn respect, you must first give respect." Well played, Princess. Wizzro is furious enough to claw her eyes out, but fortunately for Zelda, Volga is there to get between her and Wizzro.

A solid five minutes passes before Wizzro is calm enough to answer the question. He confesses, "Don't tell them, but the voices keep me company… sometimes at inappropriate times, but whatever. So which would I rather? Obviously I would rather get some respect for once."

Cia, would you rather spy on Link OR create a love trap?

"Is the trap guaranteed to be successful?"

"Cia!" scolds the sorceress's other half.

Cia chuckles on the inside. She takes a deep breath before answering, "It's my job to spy on Link, so I do that anyways. I'd try the love trap." Link is still uncomfortable. The least this woman could do is lie.

Volga, would you rather serve Ganondorf OR carry Ruto for a month?

Volga 'hmph's as he crosses his arms. "I do not serve those who are not worthy of my service, to any extent."

Ganondorf feigns surprise. He asks, "I'm not worthy?"

"You have yet to beat me in a fair fight," replies Volga.

Ruto snaps with a smirk. She reminds Volga, "If that's the case, I must be worthy." "Wha-?! I was underwater! That wasn't a fair fight!" he defends.

It is demanded that Volga give an answer, so he reasons the scenario out logically. His intuition tells him that he would be more likely to fight if he served Ganondorf, so he would rather serve Ganondorf.

Impa, would you rather become a Cucco OR wear a bikini in battle?

Suddenly she prefers the questions that make Link uncomfortable.

"I don't think I've ever seen you in a bikini, Impa," thinks Princess Zelda aloud. Impa mutters, "Trust me, you wouldn't want to." And she'll leave it at that.

It ultimately boils down to the safety and well-being of the princess and Hyrule. If wearing a bikini to battle meant that her ability to battle was not hindered, then so be it. She makes her decision; "I'm going to have to say that I'd rather wear a bikini in battle. I would not be as useful to my princess as a Cucco."

"What if Zelda was starving?" Link asks. Distraught, Linkle's jaw falls open. The warriors who understood the irony of Link's question are laughing outrageously. Those who didn't get it aren't quite sure what everyone is laughing about, or why Zelda is so horrified.

Lana, would you rather have a Link body pillow OR a statue of Link shirtless?

"This again?!" bellows Zelda. Lana's face is the brightest red it has ever been. She barely utters, "Do I have to answer this?" Link says no, but everyone else wants Lana to answer. Fi is indifferent.

Lana is shaking her head, avoiding eye contact with Link at all costs. "UM… a statue?" She shrugs.

"No, Lana!" calls Lana's other half. "You have to be assertive! You want that statue! Maybe you'll get it someday!"

Zelda unsheathes her rapier. She can and will fight that dirty sorceress. Both child incarnations of Link notice Zelda's action and begin to chant "Fight! Fight! Fight!" Skull Kid joins them… and Wizzro. And now Zant, too. Wha-?! Midna! Not you too!

Unfortunately for them, Zelda likes to think she is more civilized than Cia, so she sheathes her rapier and sits down.

Ruto kinda wants that body pillow… just sayin'.

Midna, spend a day with Zant OR Agitha?

The Twilight Princess guffaws and asks, "Are we just assuming now that the question is 'would you rather?' We don't need the beginning of the question?"

"No, no we don't," bluntly remarks Tetra. Toon Link can't believe she hasn't said anything until now. But then again, she might have been napping this entire time, but he wouldn't know since he was staring at Marin.

Now Midna is actually thinking about the question. Hmmm…. Hmmm… huh?

"Midna, this shouldn't be a hard question." Link states on the verge of laughter. "If this helps," interjects Zant. "I have actually spent almost an entire day with Agitha. She's not that bad; a little terrifying, but she's sweet."

Agitha nods with a giggle. "Thank you, Zant." She would curtsy, but she is currently sitting on a picnic blanket.

Ganondorf is giving Zant a disapproving head shake. He says, "We need to get your priorities straight." Agitha's cheeks puff up. She's ready to defend the treacherous Twili.

Midna shrugs, finally coming to a decision. "For Zant's sake, I'd rather spend a day with Agitha. If I spent a day with him, he might not live to see the next day." "After admitting what he just admitted, he might not live to see the next day regardless," comments the demon lord.

Much to Zant's relief, Fi confirms, "I have already calculated the odds that Zant will arise tomorrow, and it is likely that he will."

Marin, would you rather have a singing contest against Fi OR start a band with some of the warriors that use instruments?

"That's tough," says Marin without hesitation. "I would say a band, but there isn't a lot of variety in instruments. I know Medli and Sheik play the harp, but so do I. Young Link and Skull Kid both play the ocarina, but…" She has to pause.

"But what?" the forest child interrogates, quickly growing impatient. She shrugs, admitting, "I guess I just have high standards. You guys aren't exactly the best."

Toon Link and Tetra thought that was funny. Young Link is napping by Darunia, so he doesn't really care. Skull Kid, on the other hand, is greatly offended. He whips out his ocarina to prove Marin wrong. He performs a very impressive segment of "Flight of the Bumblebee".

Marin only chuckles. She asks that someone bring her an ocarina. Toon Link happily obliges, and before they know it, she and Skull Kid are in an ocarina battle.

This only lasts for about three minutes, as Skull Kid nearly passes out from lack of oxygen. Marin counts that as a victory. Handing off the ocarina she borrowed, she answers, "After that, you all might not believe me when I say that I prefer to sing. I'd rather face Fi in a singing contest."

Fi accepts the challenge… another time, maybe.

Toon Link, do you prefer to spend time with Tetra OR Princess Zelda? (The submitter says, "Sorry in advance if any feelings get hurt! Also Impa please don't kill him if he says Tetra.")

Tetra shakes her head. "Only those as tough as nails can sail the seas. Say anything, I won't care," she dares.

"Ok," TL says confidently. "Zelda is so much nicer. I prefer Zelda."

…Oh. Wow, um… Tetra didn't think Toon Link would be able to choose so easily. Good to know that he prefers her alternate ego instead of who she feels she truly is. …Tetra needs a drink. Anyone got some Lon Lon Milk?

Agitha, would you rather be turned into a bird OR a frog?

It doesn't matter that frogs are slimy; Agitha's choice first and foremost depends on each animal's relationship to insects. "But both of those eat bugs! I don't want to be either!"

A few of Agitha's fellow warriors found that humorous. Link attempts to get an answer out of Agitha by saying, "Not all birds eat bugs. Penguins are birds."

"Oh, yes! I would like to be a bird that doesn't eat bugs, please," the Insect Princess requests with a nod.

Impa, fail to protect Zelda OR fail to protect the general population of Hyrule?

These questions are progressively harder with each one. This one, in particular, is absolutely impossible. The issue is the population is doomed either way. If Impa ever failed to protect Zelda (…oh wait), the kingdom would fall without a ruler. However, what would be the point of saving the princess if there is no kingdom for her to rule afterwards?

Back to the parentheses, Impa remembers something about the war. She says, "I recently learned that the princess is more than capable of protecting herself, so it would be in the kingdom's best interest if I protected the general population."

Zelda's shoulders slump. "Is this about the Lens of Truth nonsense? I thought you were relieved to see I was ok."

"I was, but then I felt betrayed because I was left to worry about you for a long time. And you watched me worry the entire time!"

See what these questions do? They cause drama. This is supposed to be funny, not dramatic.

Midna, would you rather #BeatUpUglyZant OR spooning a wolf?

Looking down at her phone, Midna guffaws and says, "Hashtag beat up ugly Zant, no hesitation." She looks up and asks, "Have you guys been on my Facebook? I just posted that hashtag yesterday." Her phone creates a small "ding" sound, grabbing her attention again. "Ghirahim is following me."

"Take a look at the pic I posted yesterday," he softly demands.

Midna nearly falls out of her metaphorical chair hovering above the ground, bellowing, "What in the name of Din?! THAT never happened!" Ghirahim is trying not to turn red in the face whilst laughing. Zant peaks over his shoulder at his phone, which is currently displaying the photo he posted yesterday. "Oh yes, because that pic is totally not photoshopped," he sarcastically remarks. The irony of the situation is no less humorous, though.

Zelda, would you rather watch Link make a self-sacrifice in a battle OR commit a self-sacrifice to save Link in a battle?

As terrible as thinking about either situation is, Zelda does believe she knows what she would do if that situation presented itself. She replies, "Hyrule needs the hero. I would rather sacrifice myself to save Link, in a battle or not… for Hyrule's sake."

Thinking to himself, Link would sacrifice himself for Zelda… but not for Hyrule's sake.

Majora, would you rather use a puppet OR wreak havoc on your own?

Everyone looks at Skull Kid, particularly Skull Kid's mask, curious to see if he'll actually respond. Majora does, asking, "Why do you think I let this kid use my power all the time?" There is an anticlimactic moment of silence. "What?" says the mask to break the silence. "Was that not clear? I obviously could wreak havoc on my own, but I choose not to."

"A little sour today?" Skull Kid questions. Majora is going through the motions. It stutters, "I'm fine. Leave me alone." One of the few benefits to being a mask is not having tear glands, so crying is physically impossible. Majora never wants to cry because he thinks it would be embarrassing.

Perhaps right now is not a good time…

Tetra, pirate OR princess?

"Pirate all the way!" she announces. But she still has some leftover spunk, so she exclaims "argh" like a true terror of the seas.

Skull Kid, would you rather keep Tatl OR Tael?

He flinches before exclaiming, "Why can't I just have both!? That's not fair!"

Majora wipes the 'tears' away. "It's just a question, dummy. Nothing is actually gonna happen."

Oh… If that's the case, Skull Kid would definitely keep Tael. "What?!" cries Tatl. "Bros for life, sis," taunts Tael. Skull Kid has since apologized for hitting him, and they have developed an almost brotherly relationship since Termina.

Fine! Tatl's got Link, and that's what matters.

Linkle, do you prefer your crossbows OR your boots?

Linkle shrugs. She actually just happens to be wearing her boots. But in all honesty, she's been protecting her cuccos with her crossbows for much longer than she has been kicking the tar out of people. She answers, "I'm quite fond of my crossbows, and unless the situation calls for close-quarters combat, my bows are my first choice."

That was surprisingly simple.

Ghirahim, would you rather give up on looking FABULOUS for a whole day OR have one of the girls put make up on you without your input for a whole day?

"Now let's get real here," the demon haughtily declares. "When am I ever not fabulous?" He might have Facebook followers, but there is no one who calls "preach!" or anything remotely similar.

"But seriously, I suppose it depends on which girl we're talking about. My make up is important, so it must be a girl who can get it right, preferable one who knows how to use mascara that doesn't run when washed with water. It is only impossible to get off if you don't know how, darlings."

Ganondorf might regret his curious fantasies about Ghirahim's bathroom, now.

Fi, paradoxes OR 100% guaranteed failure?

"There is nothing that can be done about a guaranteed failure; however, that is not necessarily a bad thing. A paradox is an endless issue that can never be resolved. Failure is a solution, and is consequentially my choice." Well said, Fi. Well said.

Toon Zelda, would you rather be human again but never become a spirit again OR never be human again but be able to possess anything and anybody?

The clanks of gently rustling metal are heard. Currently possessing the armor of a Phantom, Toon Zelda sways back and forth with innocent excitement. Everyone watches her. There is something charming about the childlike suit of armor.

TZ exits the armor for a breath of fresh air. It'll help her think about the question. She answers, "Please realize that when I possess Phantoms, I'm doing it to help a greater cause. I'd much rather have my body back."

"But if you could possess anything?" Tetra reminds.

Toon Zelda shakes her head briskly. "I know how it feels to have someone else's spirit in your body. It's not fun, and I wouldn't wish it upon anybody else!" she strongly claims.

Lana, go on a picnic with Link OR pick flowers with him?

The sorceress smiles, saying, "See? This is nice question. It isn't vulgar or personal in any way."

"So…?" Cia is impatient, especially after being told that there are 16 questions left.

Lana wasn't expecting to be rushed, so she stutters, "Oh, um… I don't know. It would be relaxing to just go pick flowers with him. I'm sorry if that's not your favorite thing, Link, but I'd have fun, nonetheless." Link gives an understanding nod. He ate a turkey sandwich before they started, and he is just now getting sleepy from it.

Daphnes, would you rather continue to sail the great sea as a boat OR become a submarine and explore under the sea?

What an intriguing inquiry! One wouldn't know this about him from a first impression, but King D has always found joy in new experiences. As wonderful as the salty ocean breeze is, the depths of the sea is a world he has yet to explore. In conclusion, a submarine would be his choice if he was presented the option.

Ruto, if you weren't a Zora, would you rather be an ancestor of the Zoras (like the Parella) OR a descendant of the Zoras (like the Rito)?

The princess has to stand for this one just to thoroughly express herself. She exclaims, "I don't know who the Parella are, but I've seen a Rito. What in the world happened?! Why did we turn into birds!?"

Medli takes a breath to explain.

"Nope! I don't want an explanation. I'm taking my chances; ancestors." And she sits down. The warriors sit in silence for a while.

…

"I think one of my souls was one of your ancestors, Ruto. They wanted to swallow the Gorons with a giant wave. Look at where that lust for destruction got them. Hiya ha ha!"

Ghirahim, would you rather be unfabulous for a day OR serve Zelda for a week?

He smirks. "Again, when am I ever not fabulous? Also, 'unfabulous' is not a word. You can't talk to me until you get it right."

Laughing, Zant asks, "What's wrong with it?"

"What's wrong with it? It's not a word! You can't just stick 'un' in front of a word to make it the opposite. Of course you wouldn't know what's wrong with it; I cringed so hard yesterday when you said 'unsatisfactory'. Blech!"

Midna's visible eye narrows, not because she is confused, but because she's humored. She corrects, "Ghirahim, 'unsatisfactory' is a word."

Ghirahim holds out a hand with the palm out to Midna. He avoids looking at her, saying, "You're tainted too. You can't talk to me."

Ganondorf looks at Zelda. "To show our new peaceful bond, I'm offering you the service of my demon lord for a week, princess. Your castle will never be the same again."

"Oh, I'm sure," she responds, playing along. "Excuse me, what?" asks Ghirahim, as he was distracted. For once, Zelda and Ganondorf can share a laugh.

Ganondorf, would you rather have all 3 pieces of the Triforce OR break the cycle?

"If I had all three pieces, not only would the cycle be broken, but I'd have ultimate power. That was a stupid question that you should have already known the answer to." And he'll leave it at that.

Majora, would you rather become your own character in the Hyrule Warriors game OR become a good guy for the rest of your life?

"I don't see the downside to the first option," the mask bluntly states. "Also, I am the good guy."

Linkle gives the mask and its wearer a skeptical glance. She would ask "are you sure about that", but she'd only get into an argument. She has had her fair share of arguments with the maniacal mask, so she opts not to probe it.

Zant, would you rather kiss Midna on the lips OR be ripped apart by her wolves?

He's going to have canine nightmares for weeks. "Great Sols, what is wrong with you people?" inquires Zant with a hint of dread in his voice. Midna thought the second half of the question was beautiful. If you couldn't tell already, she's a little morbid.

"I might get herpes, but at least I won't be reduced to a mauled corpse. I… I can't believe I'm saying this, but the first one."

"Try to kiss me, and you will be mauled corpse," the Twilight Princess mercilessly adds.

Marin, watch seagulls OR play your ocarina?

Marin has to look at the ground in a mournful matter. She says, "Yeah, I guess I'd rather play my ocarina. At least then I'd be getting some practice in."

King Daphnes is very intuitional. "Your dream to fly is a beautiful and innocent desire, Marin," he verbalizes his thoughts. All Marin can do is shrug. It's more than fly; she wants to see this world she was born into. What lies beyond the horizon? Is it wrong to wonder if there is something more than a tiny island in the middle of the ocean?

Ganondorf, would you rather raise Zant's children OR fall in love with Ghirahim's ancestor in another era?

Ganondorf's face falls into his hands. He groans, "Seriously, did these people drink before coming up with these?"

Ghirahim places his hands on his hips in true Cia fashion. Along with this attitude, he comments, "Zant doesn't share the throne; what makes you think he'd share the bed?" Wizzro loves this guy.

Zelda scolds that they've already shattered the non-suggestive barrier, following up by daring someone else to step over that line. There will be consequences. Toon Link opens his mouth, but Tetra knows that Zelda is serious, so she helpfully shuts TL's mouth for him.

Demise's incarnation hates both of these options, but since it is a 'would you rather' question, he has to pick one. "Well," he begins to think aloud. "I hate children, but I hate Ghirahim so much more. The lesser of two evils would be Zant's kids."

Then, the loophole reveals itself. "You never said the children have to live," snickers Lord Ganondorf. Now both of his minions are either offended or horrified… or both.

Lana, would you rather have cake OR pie?

Yay! An innocent one! "Oh, pie definitely!"

Cia gives Lana a disgusted expression. "UM… Lana, you meant to say cake, right?"

Lana loses her smile, replying, "N-no. My favorite is pie. I don't care what kind; I just like the crust."

The dark sorceress shakes her head, saying, "Listen, I like pie, but you can't be me if you chose pie over cake."

"Chocolate cake, maybe. It has to be one of those days. But pie all the way."

This could go on for a long time, so moving on…

Agitha, would you rather sit on Link's lap OR eat bugs?

With the pouty face, Agitha screams, "I would never dare eat a bug! I would much rather sit in Link's lap."

"This is an educated guess," Midna states. "But I think we'd all rather sit in Link's lap than eat bugs."

"I have no opinion on the matter," corrects Fi.

Cia, would you rather date Volga OR Wizzro?

She raises an eyebrow. She exchanges glances with her other half, taking a breath before asking "Is this person for real?" Lana shrugs.

Turning towards you, she says, "I'm in my right mind, thank you very much."

"Oh, that's good to know. Thanks for that update," spits the wizard hatefully.

Lana leans in close to Cia, whispering something girly. Cia flat out says aloud, "Yes, baby. Swoon! And those abs; I'd bet my life that they're rock solid."

The dragon knight clears his throat, hoping that the awkward moment will pass if he does. "Ladies, perhaps we should move on. There are not many questions left."

Young Link, would you rather start a band with Skull Kid, Medli, and Marin OR find a way to bring your mask spirits back to life then start a band with THEM?

Darunia gently pokes the child's head to awake him. YL awakes with a jolt, yelling, "Navi, don't go!" Reality sets in. Several of the female warriors go "aw!" like they would for any sweet moment. Young Link looks to Darunia for a recap on what he missed. "This question is for you, kiddo," the Goron informs.

Once the question is repeated, YL responds, "The girls both play the harp, and sure, Skull Kid can play trumpet. But my Deku Persona plays the trumpet, too. And Mikau plays guitar. Speaking of Mikau, he was in a band before his tragic death, so he would already have experience. I'm sorry guys, but if I had to start a band, it would be with my masks."

Medli is not offended. She prefers to perform solo, anyways. (She's play with Makar every once in a while, but he's the one that suggests they play.)

Zant, would you rather be forced to watch all of the High School Musical movies in a row OR watch ALL of the Twilight movies in a row? (The submitter said "I'm sorry for putting you through this, I really am")

Zant shrugs. "Don't be sorry. This was tame compared to that last one I got."

"On good days, you're very understanding," comments Zant's lord. Zant will take that as a compliment. See? He wouldn't make a terrible ruler.

But back to the question, Zant has his reasoning; "Considering that I've already seen the High School Musical trilogy, plus the actual musical version of it, I'd rather sit down and watch the Twilight movies. They can't be that bad." Midna gives him points for optimism.

Shaking her head, Cia interrogates, "Zant… why did you watch the High School Musical trilogy?" Ghirahim is wondering the same thing. No matter the answer, he has lost all respect for Zant.

Zant defends himself by explaining, "I didn't have a choice! That question Midna got about who she'd rather spend an entire day with—that's what I did on that day with Agitha."

Ganondorf is embarrassed to ask, "You willingly spent a day with Agitha?"

"She wouldn't let me go!" the Twili cries. "I was in the fields when everything went black and I woke up in Agitha's castle. I tried to leave, but when I reached for the door she said in a creepy voice 'I know you have bugs'. I nearly threw up, it was terrifying!"

Now everybody is laughing but Agitha and Zant. Agitha pouts, "But you did! You were holding a pretty beetle hostage!" "And you never got that beetle, did you?" he taunts. Agitha is now depressed. She never got that beetle, and now it's probably dead because Zant is heartless. He probably tried to kill it with light like he did to Midna that one time!

"But anyways, I sat through High School Musical. It was just as cheesy as my high school years were. Thanks, Agitha." She can't tell if he was being sarcastic or not.

Wizzro, would you rather never say anything OR say everything you think?

This makes Cia wonder a few things. She thought Wizzro already says everything on his mind, but she could be wrong. Hmm… what is he hiding?

"So basically, be miserable one way, or be miserable the other way. Yeah, that's what you're asking," he verbalizes.

Volga deduces, "If everything you thought was appropriate, then this wouldn't be an issue."

Wizzro shakes his head. "That's not the problem," he states. "The problem is that Cia will take anything offensively. On the other hand, if I never said anything at all, it would be back to the ring basically."

Darunia catches something clever, so he asks, "Pun intended?"

"MMM… no, but you can laugh at my misery if you want. Everybody already does." With that said, Darunia laughs at the pun he caught. Wizzro is not amused.

Throwing up his hands, Wizzro says, "You know what, let the world know what I think! I'd rather say everything. Volga, you always smell like burning flesh. Cia, put some clothes on, woman! Zelda- oh, don't get me started!"

Cia's response cuts him off; "First off, ew. Secondly, you'd better stop right there."

"And I will!"

Then there is silence.

Tetra, would you rather be an animal tamer at the circus OR be an archer who lives in the woods and eats anything you shoot?

The pirate captain shrugs. "I'll eat anything. Plus, I like killing things. Sure, I'd be an archer. Life wouldn't be the same without the sea, though, just so you know."

Anyone, if you had to die, would you rather fall into a fan OR get crushed by a cow?

UH…

"Crushed by a cow? Like… Earthworm Jim? Oh geez, I just dated myself," utters Link. Zelda laughs. She has contained her laughter the entire time, but that was too funny.

Agitha is still depressed, but now it's worse. She asks, "Why would I have to die like that? Those are awful!"

"The fan would be a gory mess," Tetra thinks aloud. "Yeah, let's go with that." Toon Link doesn't agree. He'd take the cow. "I get a pass to this one, right? Because I'm a spirit?" Toon Zelda asks. "I'm technically a spirit, too, but I can most certainly be crushed, Volga," the wizard hints. Volga ignores him.

Dinnertime swiftly approaches. "Master, it is my duty to remind you that you are on a strict eating schedule, and it is nearly time for you to consume the final meal of the day, not including your midnight snack," the Goddess Sword spirit informs the current hero incarnation.

And with that said, the group disbands. Not far from the park is Hyrule Station, a modern establishment for the railroad. Zelda visits the station, knowing she will return here very soon. Besides the flora, the only life to be seen is a single bird. The bird is white, complete with beady eyes. It carries what appears to be a business card. Zelda is given the card. A familiar name is printed on it alongside an image of a rupee, the mark of a shopkeeper.

They are coming.

Author's Notes- Yeah, I know I said Would You Rather would be chapter 15, but I couldn't wait! I do know what chapter 15 will be, though, now that we've played Would You Rather. Thanks to everyone who submitted questions for the warriors. That was a grand total of 66 questions, including the questions I submitted. Wow! That was a ton of fun! Also, thanks to ultimateCCC for suggesting that the meeting should be held outside. Zelda had to smack herself in the face wondering why she never thought of that before. Just as a warning, I don't plan on updating as regularly due to another Hyrule Warriors fanfic I've been working on. I was inspired to deviate from the Warriors Uncut formula. But never fear, we're not done here. See you all later!