"I'm getting the first line this week," said Patrick.
Chef responded by punching him, before looking into a camera. "Last time on Total Drama Catch Him If You Can." Flashbacks of the previous episode start playing. "I threw the contestants in a dangerous river to see if they could survive. Amazingly, they did. Max was eliminated for getting out of the water, reducing the Raging Pelicans to three, against the other team's seven." The scene cuts back to Chef. "Episode starts now."
Intro song plays.
"Okay, let me guess," said Ayane. "If we look to our left we'll see the reason we're in the same place as last time."
"Wrong," said Chef.
"To our right then," said Finn.
"Wrong again," said Chef.
"Up?" asked Noodle.
"Nope," said Chef.
"Down?" asked Nora.
"Well, that's the closest we've had so far," said Chef. "Turn around."
The contestants turned around to see a large expanse of sand behind them. "A beach?" said Katniss. "We're doing a beach episode?"
"But Chef, I'm the only anime girl left," said Nora.
"Debatable," muttered Chef.
"Oh no," said Dorothy. "I didn't bring a swimsuit."
"You live in Kansas. Do you even own a swimsuit?" asked Hit-Girl.
"Not to worry girls," said Chef. "I've got you covered." Chef reached behind his back, and pulled out a box of swimsuits. Except…
"Err, Chef?" said Patrick. "These are all bikinis."
"And extremely small ones at that," said Artemis.
"Is that a problem?" demanded Chef.
"The fact that these are girl's swimsuits," said Gary. "And, you know, we're guys."
"So what?" said Chef. "It's not like anyone can see you. This is a narrative."
"Exactly. What are you afraid of?" said Ayane, wearing a two piece that just barely covered her boobs.
"Ayane, I never would have taken you for someone to wear…that," said Katniss, looking for a larger size.
"Well, this isn't the first time I've worn something like this," said Ayane.
"Now, while you're getting changed for this week's challenge," said Chef. "I should inform you that the teams have been officially dissolved. For here on in, it's every contestant for themselves."
"Oh please, Scoobycool9 and Luckycool9 on Fanfiction dot net already called it," said Gary.
"Maybe they were also right about supporting me then," said Artemis.
"Not bloody likely," muttered Chef.
"So Chef, what's our challenge?" asked Noodle.
"You're challenge is a dangerous one," said Chef. "You challenge is…to build a sandcastle."
The contestants stared at him. "Okay, I'll bite," said Finn. "Dangerous?"
"Live land mines," answered Chef.
"Well, that doesn't sound so…" started Dorothy.
"And by live, I mean sentient beings," said Chef, pulling out a mine. "Say hello to the contestants."
"Hello," said the mine in a very high pitched voice.
"Why does it look like a turtle?" asked Patrick.
"Technically it's a tortoise," said Artemis.
"And technically, you should start the challenge," said Chef.
"I'm not wearing this," said Hit-Girl, holding up a bikini.
"Fine, there are plenty of others…" started Chef.
"No, I mean I'm not wearing a *beep* bikini," said Hit-Girl.
"I can force you to," said Chef.
"Okay, one: how do you think the audience will react to a grown man undressing an eleven year old girl on TV?" said Hit-Girl. "Two: in case you haven't noticed, I have a pair of katanas strapped on my back. So if I say I'm not wearing a bikini, then I'm not wearing a goddamn bikini."
"Fine, you fail the chal…" started Chef, when suddenly Hit-Girl had a katana pressed against his throat.
"I only have to push this blade another few inches," reminded Hit-Girl. "Now let's try to again: am I still in the competition?"
"Yes," said Chef.
"And do I have to wear a bikini?" asked Hit-Girl.
"No," said Chef.
"That's what I thought," said Hit-Girl, lowering her weapon.
"Why didn't we confiscate their weapons at the start of the competition?" Chef muttered to himself before addressing the rest of the competition. "Okay, Hit-Girl doesn't have to wear a bikini. As for the rest of you…" Suddenly, there was an arrow, a bazooka, two swords, and a pair of fists right in his face. "Okay, fine, they're optional," he relented, pulling out his phone. "Yeah, it's me. Looks like we'll have to cancel that Total Drama Contestant Calendar."
"What? You mean I dressed up like this for nothing?" said Patrick, wearing one of the smaller swimsuits.
"Oh Lord, my eyes," said Dorothy, turning away in horror.
"Okay, that's it," said Chef. "No-one wears a bikini."
"Fine by me," said Ayane, suddenly back in her normal clothes.
"Now, you have two hours to build a sandcastle without a mine turtle blowing it up," said Chef. "Individually. No teams. Best castle gets immunity, the rest you vote out a loser. Get going."
"Fine. Let's do this," said Finn, starting to build a mound of sand.
"I'll help," said Katniss.
"How? There's no teams," said Finn.
"But I can do this," said Katniss, digging a hole. "If we have a moat around our castles, the mine turtles can't get them. Watch." Katniss dug a hole in front of where the mine turtles were coming from. "Hello," said one, just as it fell down the hole. It landed on its back and exploded, but was way too far away to do any damage. "Come on Finn, we've been a team all season, and all through the hell dimension. Why stop now?"
"Fair enough," said Finn. "But if we're in the finale together, don't expect any mercy."
"Bring it on," said Katniss, digging a hole on the other side to block other approaching turtles.
Meanwhile, Gary and Patrick were further down the beach, watching them. "We need to break them up," said Gary.
"Why? Are they really a threat?" asked Patrick.
"They're too…friendly," said Gary. "And they've been friends with Artemis for a little while now. Possibly longer than we knew about it. With only ten contestants left, a team of three is definitely a threat."
"So what do we do?" asked Patrick.
"Luckily, you, me and Nora form another trio," said Gary. "So, all we have to do is keep enough other people on our side to avoid being voted out."
"Area secure captain," said Nora, walking up to them with her hammer smoking.
"Excellent work, Nora," said Gary. "Now, we build."
"I'm on it," said Nora, building a large mound very quickly.
"So, what do we do about our problem?" asked Patrick.
"Just do as I say and we should be fine," said Gary, leaning into his ear.
Meanwhile, down the beach…
"Thanks for helping me Noodle," said Dorothy, working on the tower of her castle.
"Don't worry about it," said Noodle. "Hit-Girl and Ayane are working together, as are Finn, Katniss and Artemis, and I believe Gary, Patrick and Nora are a team. Someone needs to look out for you."
"So, how is it you're always able to tell when a turtle is coming?" asked Dorothy.
"I was trained as a super soldier. I'm born to act on instinct," said Noodle, disposing of a turtle that had crept too close.
"I thought you were a musician," said Dorothy.
"I can be two things," said Noodle, kicking another turtle away.
Meanwhile, with Ayane and Hit-Girl…
"Ready to give up yet, kid?" said Ayane, putting the final touches on her sandcastle.
"It's not over yet," said Hit-Girl, making some flags out of lose sticks and seaweed.
"Hello," came a high-pitched voice. Hit-Girl and Ayane looked up from what they were doing, only to see a mine turtle land right between their two sandcastles. It exploded on impact, causing severe damage to both castles.
"Son of a *beep*. Who did that?" demanded Ayane.
"It came from that direction," said Hit-Girl, pointing. Ayane looked where she was pointing and found…
"Artemis?" she said. "Oh, he is so going down."
"Ayane, we have bigger problems right now," said Hit-Girl. "Namely: we only have fifteen minutes until time is up, and we have a lot of repair work to do." And with that, Hit-Girl immediately started rebuilding her sandcastle.
Fifteen minutes later…
"Alright losers, time's up," said Chef. "First up, Finn, Artemis and Katniss."
"Can I abbreviate it?" asked Nora.
Chef thought about it for a moment. "No," he said. "And especially don't put Ayane and Hit-Girl in the middle."
"You mean FAA…" started Nora before Dorothy covered her mouth.
"Hmm, let's see what we got here," said Chef, ignoring her. "Okay, not bad, but it looks like you spent more time building protection for them than actually building. I'm gonna say…sixes for all of you."
"You mean Sata…" started Nora before Dorothy stopped her again.
"What is wrong with her today?" asked Finn.
"Nothing. This is normal," said Patrick.
"Okay, let's see what Noodle and Dorothy got," said Chef. "Who made this one?" asked Chef.
"Me," replied Dorothy.
"And this one's yours?" asked Chef.
"Yes," said Noodle.
"Six and nine," said Chef.
"Sixty n…" started Nora, before Dorothy shut her up again.
"Does anyone have any duct tape?" asked Dorothy.
"Let's move on to Ayane and Hit-Girl," said Chef, walking over to their sandcastles. "Okay, why do they have a big lump of sand facing each other?"
"It's to fill in a hole caused when someone threw a mine turtle over here," said Hit-Girl.
"Who would do that?" wondered Artemis.
"Hmm, wonder?" said Ayane, glaring at him.
"Well, if it weren't for the hole, I'd give these a winning entry," said Chef. "And finally, we have Gary, Patrick, and…hey, where's Nora's entry?"
"Right here," said Nora.
"You mean this giant wall of sand?" asked Chef.
"Move a little further back," said Nora. Chef took five steps back. "Little further." Chef moved another three steps back. "Tiny bit more." Chef moved another two back. "Perfect."
"Okay, what am I…WHOA!" yelled Chef, seeing what Nora had made: a fully functioning castle, complete with working drawbridge.
"I'm queen of the castle, I'm queen of the castle," sang Nora.
"And queen of this challenge too," said Chef. "Nora wins. I'm not even gonna look at you two's entries."
"That's good, because you're standing in them," said Gary.
"Alright, Nora's immune. Everyone else is fair game. Get going," said Chef.
Confession Cam: Ayane
"Artemis is so smug, wrecking me and Hit-Girl's sandcastles and thinking he can get away with it. He's got another thing coming."
Confession Cam: Dorothy
"Patrick kinda scares me. I wanna get rid of him."
Confession Cam: Nora
"I wonder if Chef will let me nail the loser into the ground."
Later, at the elimination ceremony…
"Alright, you know how it works," said Chef. "Nora, Katniss, Noodle, Ayane, Finn, Hit-Girl, Dorothy, Gary and Patrick are safe, Artemis is not."
"Huh? Why? What did I do?" asked Artemis.
"You destroyed our castles," said Ayane.
"What? I didn't do that," said Artemis.
"Well, when they blew up, you were the only one in sight," said Hit-Girl.
"I was thirty feet away from you," said Artemis. "It seems pretty unlikely that I could have picked up a mine turtle and threw it that far, doesn't it?"
"Then…who did," said Ayane, sounding confused.
"Don't know, don't care," said Chef, drawing his mallet. Before he could hit Artemis however, Nora hit him with her hammer. "Hey, you stole my bit," he yelled, chasing her with his mallet as the screen cut to black.