Day's After

Chapter 13: The City Never Sleeps

"It's beautiful," Aerith says as she stands at the foot of the mountains of Tifa's hometown, Nibelheim. Even though Aerith is one tiny, fragile woman with thin arms and slim body, she looks as if she's taller than the rolling peaks that touch the clouds. She's always been that kind of person.

Aerith's dress is a dramatic one, the kind that flares when the wind dances through the grass and the folds of her bright red dress.

"Yeah," Tifa lets the wind whip her hair into a mess around her eyes, "you should see it at night."

When she says that, the high noon sun explodes just like the city exploded, with an angry rumble and a blinding light, and the smashed pieces turn into a million stars, dotting the black blue sky with an ocean of lights.

"I wish I could stay here forever," Tifa says as the nostalgic sky wraps around her, comforting she's seven in the arms of her mother.

"Sorry but there's no room for you here," Aerith says, and Tifa looks back at her, and realizes her dress isn't made out of silk, it's her own blood spilling at her feet in dark, vivid pools.

"If you're here, who will look after Cloud?"

-x-

Tifa's eyes fluttered half open. A tinge of pain began to blossom in her veins, demanding her attention, but she felt so far off from it all. Like she wasn't really there.

"Your stupid fucking revenge did this," Lightning's voice sounded muffled in the distance. It was angry and frustrated, Lightning was a half a step towards a rampage and Tifa felt the need to stop her. But her body was so heavy she thought her bones would break even if the tried. She was too groggy to understand what was going on anyway, her face was burning with fever and her breaths came in hot and labored.

This time Cecil's voice filtered through, even and full of reason, "Did he ask you to go? Did he force you?"

"He didn't have to, I've known only Tifa for a few weeks and I know she would have gone with Cloud no matter what. And if I would have known, he should have known. He didn't even care about her, after she crossed an entire city for him!"

"I-" Cloud's voice sounded scared and small. "He killed Aerith…"

"We fucking lost people too!" Lightning's nostrils flared and she was a breath away from Cloud, almost bumping noses. "If you do anything that hurts one of my people again, so help me-"

"Enough, you are waking her up with your tantrum," Yuna's voice was stern, shutting them all up.

Tifa smiled gratefully, the waves of fatigue lapping at her eyes, and she fell back into the comfort of sleep.

-x-

"I was jealous of you," Tifa says while walking hand in hand with Aerith through the fields of wheat, autumn winds ripples the gold around them. It's harvest time in Nibleheim, just like the day she left for the city. She remembers the farmers working in their fields at the foot of a looming mountain, and the bright colors of decomposing leaves on the ground.

She remembers wearing her Sunday best, because Cloud might be waiting for her at the next train station. The very thought made her heart flutter in her stomach, twin feelings of nervousness and anticipation. She misses being eighteen. She didn't have to worry about paying bills, didn't have to worry about mako dealers knocking on doors, didn't have to worry about manikins waiting on the other side of a wall wanting to kill her.

"I know," Aerith gives her a sly smile and twinkle in her emerald eyes, "Truth is I always admired you too."

"We are just a bunch of idiots," Tifa squeezes the softness of Aerith's hand, not caring if blood smeared on her fingertips.

"No arguments here," Aerith giggles but when she does, her feet plants in the rich dirt, refusing to go forward. Tifa keeps going on, and their hands are slowly unlinked.

"Aren't you coming?" Tifa asks looking back, she can't see Aerith but she can see her bloody footprints, with soles stained from her dress.

"I don't think I will. I mean, I'm not real and all," Aerith bodiless voice muses as if Tifa asked her something silly. "Don't give me that stupid look, I don't want your pity. You can regret for the rest of eternity when you are dead, the living have too much to do."

"It's not fair. You saved him when everything went really bad," Tifa says to the bloodstains, "I owe you everything."

"You always put yourself down. You and Cloud," Aerith sighs with the wind.

"Well, a decade worth of ambiguous maybe-unrequited love slipping through the cracks of his own mind will do that to a girl," Tifa says wryly. It's not really a joking matter, but she supposes she can laugh at herself in her dream. Otherwise, when else can she?

"He was getting to the breaking point, wasn't he? When did it start to get really bad?"

-x-

Tifa's eyes opened again and she looked at Cloud hunched over at the side of her bed, his normally handsome face was pale and gaunt, probably from exhausting himself with guilt. He was half asleep, his head swaying slightly in a lulled rhythm, but the relaxed pose was betrayed with his face pulled tight with worry.

"You know when I knew when it was getting really bad?" Tifa's voice startled Cloud, his head snapped up and the sleepiness all but disappeared, he looked at her with a mixture of eagerness and confusion.

"When you sold your power ranger action figures. You loved those things."

"They were Kamen Rider models, and they were limited editions," Cloud deadpanned. Then the sorrow came back, "I'm so sor-"

"Stop," She couldn't halt the exasperation in her voice. She was tired, so, so tired of guilt and having it intrude in her life. "I don't need a grown man feeling sorry for me and the decisions I made. You should be more sorry about your action figures."

Cloud sighed, "I'm not very good at understanding vague metaphors."

"Yeah, I'm not too great at using them either," Tifa tried to sit up but then the pain began to radiate on her back and she hissed. She felt horrible, like she was hit by a truck, or a house, or an entire city fell on top of her. Which kind of did happen. Cloud jumped to his feet ready for action, but didn't know what to do next and comically stood with his hands up like was going to fight- but with nothing there.

"You shouldn't get up," his hands were hovering over her, scared to touch. They lowered to her a little, then clenched.

"Yeah, I think I know that now," she leaned carefully back down with an oomph. Her head was clearing; she could see they were holed up in an apartment somewhere. It was stripped mostly, dirty footprints were on the sandy brown carpet, and all the drawers were opened and empty. She herself was laying on a lumpy mattress without sheets or pillows, but she was grateful she was on a bed either way. "What happened?"

"I wasn't sure at first, it was so dark and I could barely keep up with where Sephiroth was. I couldn't find you, I mean I wasn't even looking. Then the next thing I hear you scream and Terra's flashing light on you. He got you on your back and there… there was blood everywhere, you were soaked in it," Cloud made a strange note in the back of his throat. "Yuna said it looked worse that it was but, you were out for an entire day."

She let his words sink in, along with the painful throbbing along the length of her back. She's almost been killed before, her house dropped on top of her head, manikins surrounded her gaining the advantage, she's set fire to a building she was in. But actually dying, feeling the life drip out of you like oil from a leaky car, and your having your strength crumble from right underneath you, that was a whole other beast. She hadn't even known she screamed, it was surreal.

"I survived though," Tifa said, she wasn't sure if she was comforting herself or Cloud. The reality of the near miss crept and tingled her nerves. If she had died, really died, what would happen to the people she left behind? Sure it was always a reality they all accepted, but facing it brought a different perspective. It made her feel sick.

"I wasn't sure you would. I didn't notice you were hurt until it was too late. I didn't even notice when your gloves were torn. I didn't call you back."

He speaking nonsense, but Tifa was too tired to stop him. He reached over to her hands, then pulled them to his forehead. He closed his hands over hers, leaning on her knuckles and fought for control over his breathing.

Something about this bothered her, the puzzle pieces of his actions didn't fit together correctly, and a small feeling of insult began to build in her chest. This was the most intimate he had been with her for years, the first time he initiated contact with her, but she had to almost die for him to do it. But when she was alive, breathing and willing to go to the ends of the earth for him, she was passed over. It didn't feel like love when they touched, it felt like injustice.

Tifa gave her a second to calm down, this wasn't the time. She knew it was the pain was talking louder than her senses, and if she reacted on it things would fall apart.

"You're here now," Tifa said slowly, "And that's all that matters."

A cough interrupted them and Cloud dropped her hands. Terra looked embarrassed for the interruption but Cloud nodded to Tifa and walked away. The moment of weakness disappeared when he turned his back. Tifa hoped she didn't look too grateful.

"It's good your awake now. You should drink this," Terra said, relief visible in her eyes. She brought a water bottle up to Tifa's mouth, "to keep you hydrated. Do you feel okay?"

She didn't realize how thirsty she was until the cool water slipped over her tongue and down a parched throat.

"I feel fine. Well I feel pretty terrible but in the I'm feeling pain because I'm alive way. Besides that, I heard them fighting," Tifa said knowing she could trust Terra to tell her the truth.

"They still are. Cloud doesn't really get along with Kain and Lightning, or it's the other way around… and it's gotten worse since you were hurt. Lightning… I've never seen her so angry, I think she would have punched Cloud already if it wasn't for Yuna. Kain doesn't say much but he doesn't even like to be in the same room as Cloud, so he's always going on patrols so he's barely in anymore. And Cloud, he just sits next to your bed and stares like if he blinks you'll be gone. I don't want to give you any pressure, but without you it looks like it's falling apart."

Terra looked extremely uncomfortable with the entire situation, her eyes were on her hands and she shifted in her seat a number of times during the explanation. Tifa wasn't sure what to make of Terra thinking she could fix it, but she hoped that she would be up soon enough to at least try.

Interesting though, that Lightning considered them "her" people, and that Cloud wasn't leaving her side. Under better circumstances, she would have been flattered. As of now though, the pain was coming in worse, and she spared an arm to reach to her side, instinctively trying to touch the wound.

"I need to check your bandages. Yuna's up all night so she's taking a rest now. I'll help you up," Terra placed the small of her hand underneath her, helping her up. Tifa only now noticed was wearing a loose t-shirt that dangled baggy over her body, Terra lifted it over her head and began to unwind the bandages around her upper back to the stomach. The strips of bandages fell to the side, almost completely stained by her old blood.

Cloud, who was watching them from the other room, quickly looked out of the broken window at the grey landscape, doing his best to avoid peeping.

"Where's everyone else?" Tifa asked.

"Lightning and Vaan are scavenging together."

"Ugh that can't be going well."

"They won't admit it but I think they're growing on each other," Terra said with a small smile in her voice. "Kain and Cecil, they spend a lot of time talking and catching up, whenever Kain's still in at least."

Terra began to apply fresh bandages around her. Tifa flinched under her fingers.

"I'm glad you're better. It'll help calm people down," Terra said quietly as she pulled the shirt over the top of Tifa again.

"You're doing great without me," Tifa said as she dragged the shirt over her eyes. "You really got things down now."

"Does it look like I know what I'm doing?" Tifa couldn't see Terra from under the shirt so she pulled it down properly. Terra didn't look as confused and lost as she did before, but it was still a sad look. "If I'm honest with myself, I still don't know if I'm doing things right. I'm just sort of… doing what I can at the time."

"That's all any of us are doing. And it's working for you, you know you did set a warlord on fire," Tifa said. "That was pretty… interesting. Since when did you know how do you know how to make moltav cocktails."

"Bartz, he taught us remember?"

"That boy had a worrying passion for fire," Tifa laughed, but then that hurt so she winced when her ribs shook. "Luckily it worked out for us. It was pretty awesome."

A shy smile lifted Terra's face, "It kind of was, right?" Then the smile eased. "It wasn't back then, you know. I thought you were dying and I was so angry I couldn't help myself. I didn't want to lose more people. And I'm tired of not being able to do something. Even if I don't know what I'm doing, I still feel like I've got to try something."

"You'll figure it out. You don't need to rush to find answers."

"I think we do. I mean at least, now we do. Otherwise we'll die before we find them," Terra said. Terra, young and pretty Terra, too skinny for comfort, and large grey eyes that looked at the world like it was a stranger. Terra didn't look scared or on the verge of tears when she said that, Tifa wondered if she even could cry anymore.

-x-

This is a nightmare. Tifa knows it is, and it occurs to her that she hasn't had a nightmare since the city went to shit. If she takes the time off from struggling to survive and scavenging for food, she could reflect on how weird that was. Maybe it was because she didn't get enough sleep, or when she did she was so dead tired that she didn't dream much.

The laughter of children bounces off molten wallpaper as she walks through the burning apartment building, the sounds are close enough to hear but just out of sight. Their laughter rings twisted though, warped into something it shouldn't be, like laughing through broken piano keys. The fire licks at her skin when she walks by, it's a chilled touch.

"I couldn't save them you know."

"Onion?" Aerith asks; Tifa knows Aerith never met him, but it's okay since she knows it's not really Aerith. It's still comforting, if there is one person she would want to be there in her nightmares, it's Aerith. She's always had this ethereal, spiritual glow about her, like she is too good for this earth. Well, now she isn't in this earth.

"Yeah. And Marlene and Denzel. I tried to get them first but it was too late."

"You can't be blamed for that."

"They didn't deserve to go like that," Tifa feels the fire rush to her body, consuming her like it did Sephiroth. "You didn't see them, you didn't see the bruises from the beatings. They were only kids. It's not right."

The flames filter her vision now and she could barely make out Aerith's face. The steam from the flames warp it, she doesn't even look human anymore.

"And there were all these kids. I just ran passed them."

"You couldn't save them in the massacre when you barely made it out. Tifa, it's hard but you have to let it go, or you're going to let these thoughts burn you away."

"I have been letting it go."

"Really? You just move on to the next thing everytime you suffer some loss. You, and Cloud, and everyone else in your group have to learn."

"Learn what?"

"That's it not on you to save everyone. And that when bad things happen, it's not always your fault."

Ha. That was a bad lie.

The flames finally completely devour Tifa and she's all ash and dust now.

-x-

"This helps with infection," Yuna instructed Terra as she placed the crushed leaves on Tifa's scar, "Normally we don't use alcohol on wounds because it can destroy tissue and it's incredibly painful and potentially shock inducing, but we didn't have a choice then. Now that we are out of danger though, we can use other options. It's important to check the wound constantly; Tifa is in as much in danger of dying for potential infection as she is for anything else."

Tifa wasn't sure how much she liked being a human case study for Terra and she tensed a little when the pair of hands touched near the wound, but that in turn caused pain to shoot through her body, "Ah!"

Terra was shadowing Yuna for most of the time, soaking up all the information she could. With the exception for the more precise procedures, it had actually been Terra that was attending to Tifa for the most part, with and without Yuna's supervision.

"Don't people need a medical degree for this,?" Tifa gnashed her teeth when they prodded the area around the cut.

"This is as good as medical school as any of us are going to get," Yuna said gently.

Lightning walked over, "She still in this much pain?"

"She'll be in it for awhile. We don't have much in the way of painkiller."

Terra paused, "We still have the mak-"

"No," Tifa snapped, mood completely turning. Her lips were pressed together into a thin line and she glared at them.

"We had-"

"I don't care," Tifa said flatly. She wasn't going to scream or throw a fit, she was still grateful just to be alive. But she wasn't going to touch the stuff either, it was like she was violated by the one thing that she couldn't shake. All of a sudden she really needed to get out of there and count to ten or something. Breathe deeply, in and out.

"When will she be able to start trekking to leave the city without any danger?" Lightning asked, changing the subject.

"She should avoid any heavy labor to prevent her stitches popping. When did you want to leave?"

"Yesterday. There are no more supplies here and this place is full of manikins and cultists with guns but without their god," Lightning said.

Yuna traced Tifa's wound, smearing the green leaves of Aerith's plants in meditation, letting their predicament soak in. When she was finished she cleaned her fingers on the leg of her pants, smoothed her hair and gave them a tired smile. "I'll do my best. Luckily our patient is a tough one."

Tifa struggled to stand up and Yuna began to protest. "I said you were tough but not that tough."

"I'm just going to stretch my legs, I think I should start to get use to this," Tifa grumbled, experimentally pushing up from the bed. Her legs swung dully off the side of the bed and planted on the ground. She had no shoes and she felt plush carpet between her toes.

"I'll help you."

"I'm fine."

Tifa stubbornly walked away with her head held high, even with the throbbing pain she was glad just to be out of that stupid bed. She was never fond of just lying around.

Lightning walked with her, matching pace before supporting her with an arm under her shoulders..

"I said I was fine."

"I don't particularly care what you say."

Tifa resigned her stubbornness and allowed herself to put her weight on the pink haired woman, and she there was relief when the pressure was of her weight was off her body. Goodness, she felt like an invalid.

"So I heard you called us 'your people.' When did this development happen?" Tifa knew there were safer ways of having fun than teasing Lightning, sticking her head in a bear's mouth for example, but no other forms of entertainment were available. And she wouldn't hit a wounded girl… hopefully. Surprisingly, Lightning didn't pretend to deny it.

"What we are here, it's the only thing we have left. Except for Serah of course, when I find her. But as of now, this is what matters, so we have to look out for each other." Tifa's mouth went to a small "o" at the confession, Lightning ignored it and continued.

"You want the honest truth, if I had been Cloud's position when this all started I would have done the same thing, go in for revenge with guns blazing. But I'm not, I have people to look out for. Like you. I don't have time for Cloud's whims. I won't back down on a fight, but if I have nothing to get from it except a friend dying on the floor, then I'm not going to bother. If Cloud's going to be one of us, he needs to know that."

"Don't be so hard on him," Tifa said, "He's had it rough all his life. He just needs a break."

"So does everybody else here. But some of us are manning up." Lightning shrugged Tifa higher, "Did you know Terra asked to go on patrol the other day?"

"She did?" Tifa said surprised. She didn't normally do that, and especially since she's been getting Yuna to teach her basic first aid which kept her preoccupied. Tifa hoped she wasn't spreading herself too thin.

"Yeah, and then she asked for a gun."

"You didn't give her one, did you?"

"Once."

Tifa wasn't sure what to think about that, on one hand Terra needed to learn to defend herself. On the other hand, a gun in the hand of someone who didn't know how to use it was more dangerous than having one. "How did she do?"

"She's a grieving, sixteen year old amnesiac. She did as well as you think," Lightning drawled. "But she'll get better. Nobody wakes up one day and is a perfect solider. She's probably a better shot than you."

"That's not a ringing endorsement."

"That's for sure."

They were at the apartment stairs, it looked a lot like Aerith's, but dinkier, and less blood. She didn't think was quite ready for stairs yet, her legs felt wobbly and the skin on her back seared. But there wasn't any other place to go.

"I failed," she could hear Cecil's stifled voice from a room next to them. It was hard to understand behind a partially closed door, but it sounded like a lost confession. "I lost her. And when I went to seek redemption I lost my entire team. I don't deserve to go on, but I have to, and I want to own up to my mistakes. Kain, I never said it before, but I'm sorry." He might have been crying from that tone. Or not, but he would have been near it.

"Given the chance, you would have made the same decision," came Kain's voice, it didn't come off cold, but it wasn't welcoming either.

Curiosity sparked between the two women and they were both silent. Tifa felt a little guilty spying on Kain, but she did want to know what made him tick. Lightning's face was harder to read, but the fact that she wasn't leaving told Tifa that she was just as interested. It struck her odd because she always thought that Lightning was the one that knew Kain best, or at least knew Kain at all, they seemed to always be on the same wavelength. Tifa never entertained the thought that there were secrets between the two.

"I would, heavens help me," Cecil said after a long pause. "I would have spared them again and again. And it probably would have led to her death again and again. Forgive me, I guess I'm a natural born fool."

"No, you are a hero," Kain said, "same as her. It's a terminal illness, one of the few things you can't cure. I believe we should have some of your heroism in this world just if we remember that there are consequences. But you can't shoulder all the blame, Cecil. You made that choice, and I made the choice to do nothing about it."

"Kain…"

"It's not a mistake I plan on making again."

The footsteps neared the door towards them, Tifa felt a slight pang of panic and wanted run away quickly but her injuries wouldn't allow her. When Kain came across the two women he didn't say anything, but he scrutinized them under his hood. Tifa at least had the decency to look ashamed, but Lightning just stared back. He walked passed them without a word.

"Everyone needs a break," Lightning repeated, still staring at his retreating figure, "but no one gets it anymore. Come on, let's gets some sun on you."

-x-

Aerith says nothing the entire dream, she just sits there next to Tifa and lets her brown braid be played with by the breeze. The hem of her red dress is rising as its end drips onto the road below.

They are both sitting on top of the broken skylights of the city, looking out on the horizon where all the color and landscape vanish into blank white. There's a buzz coming from the blankness, like an open door to an empty refrigerator.

"What do you think is out there?" Tifa asks.

"I don't know," Aerith says finally, her words fell from mouth and mixed with her dress. "I never will I guess, not anymore."

The skyline turns into dinosaurs. Because this is a dream and dreams aren't supposed to make sense. She also spots Godzilla somewhere there, and all Tifa can think is, that's not appropriate at all.

Aerith laughs, "Now this is getting too weird."

After that Aerith, dress and all, disappears and leaves Tifa with all the nonsense.

Typical.

Tifa's mother once told her that dreams were a way of sorting things out, and Tifa did feel relieved after she woke up each day. Tifa's father was a storyteller, and he said dreams were memories of past lives.

Fifteen year old Cloud, in contrast, once told her that dreams were just things you had when you sleep, stop eating pizze before bed, then after that went back to his videogame.

Whatever it is, now she has to deal with dinosaurs. Oh well.

-x-

"We're moving out," Lightning ordered sharply.

Terra was checking her bandages again, and she peered warily at Tifa's stitches.

"I'll be fine. Between you and Yuna, I'm practically better than ever." Tifa ignored the dull ache in her back that called her a liar.

"If we are lucky we won't have to walk too far," Kain said, "The blast radius can't go on forever. Pretty soon the roads will be much more navigable and we can drive the rest of the way there."

That was the best news she heard for awhile. Driving sounded like a luxury, she'd be happy to be off her feet and not lugging around heavy bags. When she went to pick her backpack up, Cloud immediately swooped in and threw it over his shoulder. Tifa should have been upset, but considering it's so soon after the attack she'll just be grateful and not push her luck.

Tifa noticed that Kain seemed to be the most anxious to get out of the city, his long strides were quicker and for the first time he was leading the group instead of Lightning. She wondered if it had anything to do with what he talked to Cecil about.

Lightning didn't seem to mind, but she and Kain rarely did things without each other anyway, they practically thought with one head. It was almost creepy. Besides the anxiety in Kain, everyone else was calming down, and Lightning stopped casting nasty looks at Cloud, ones that were filled with ill intent, so Tifa was thankful for that. She was tired of Cloud being a loner especially since being a loner in these times would get him killed.

Even with carrying a bag, the steps were beginning to grind her body in discomfort, and for someone who was able to jog for miles without breaking too much of a sweat, it was frustrating. She wasn't prideful but she could always rely on herself, she hadn't felt this inept since she was a ten at her mother's funeral. Knowing she should be able to do more, but being proven wrong as minutes past was like a slap in the face.

Cloud considered her, then slid the bags so they situated in front of him, bending his knees and lowering himself to the ground, not saying anything but waiting expectantly.

Tifa groaned, now Cloud was offering piggybacks.

"You don't need to do that," but Cloud wasn't budging.

"Tifa you need to rest." The lingering resentment prickled in the back of her head. It was a wallowing pit, one that she hated and wanted to scrub clean from, but like the dirt and dried blood still caked on her, she didn't have the means to clean it completely off. He spent the last couple of years pushing her away, but now he was treating her like she was fragile.

"Cloud, get up."

"Tifa-"

"No!" her voice cracked a little and he stiffened. But he acquiesced, standing up and walking quickly ahead. She hadn't meant it like that. Or she did, but she still didn't want Cloud to take it badly. The rest of the group fell silent at the little show.

This is a mess.

She refused to let her lingering sentiment of childish bitterness drive a wedge between them. She had to make it right somehow so she caught up with him and slid her hand in his, the mixed signals confusing him. His hand felt limp in hers, not sure what to do.

He was never good at touching, Tifa remembered. Or social interaction in general. When it didn't send him in a mood that actively encouraged perpetual silence, it could turn him in a stuttering mess.

"It's hard, but it'll be okay," she said without explanation. "Even us."

The roads they traveled towards the end of the day were becoming noticeably less messy. It still wasn't drivable, but there was much less rubble and damage to it.

Kain speared a manikin in the stomach, lifted it, and threw it against the wall, "We're getting to the point where we can soon take vehicles."

Lightning agreed, "This might be our last night in this deathtrap then."

Tifa should be grateful to get out of this cement graveyard, where the stink of death clung to them like second hand smoke. But truth be told she was scared to see what was beyond the city. Because if it was just as bad as here, then there really might not be anything left for any of them.

-x-

That night, Tifa dreamt of nothing.

-x-

She woke up early, the sun hadn't risen quite yet and so the dark was still prevalent, not completely opaque but Tifa saw in dark blue silhouettes more than she saw in color. It was the lack of dreams, oddly, which nagged her awake, she felt like she was missing something. She didn't have the energy to get up, so she lay still on the hard floor a little longer, her body settled uncomfortably on the tough surface and white noise hummed in her arm after using it as a pillow all night. Her neck was going to pay for it later and she hoped that the sanctuary had beds.

Her eyes wandered around the room, everyone else was asleep except for Cloud, who was on watch duty standing next to the window. She could see his outline staring at something intensely in his hand, with an open bag at his feet.

She squinted to get a better look at what he was holding, and when she realized what it was she bolted upright, sending tingling of pain down her back. She clamped down on her mouth to stop her from yelping in pain and ignored it with gritted teeth. She stomped to him, the steps alerted him to her presence, awake and obviously not happy.

Cloud went rigid, his mouth gaped open and looked awfully like a child with his hand caught in the cookie jar. Only this cookie jar was a bag of mako powder. She snatched it roughly from his hands, with a harsher jerk than she meant to. He offered no resistance.

"I didn't use any," he said hastily lifting his hands in the air as a surrender, "I swear. I was just- I mean I wasn't even thinking about using it."

Up close she could really examine his face even without light, there was a guilty look in his eyes, but he was still looking directly at her, clear blue, and Tifa knew that he wasn't lying. He had a habit of looking away he wasn't being truthful. The breath she didn't know she was holding drifted out and the harsh churning in her chest lessened, if only for a bit.

"I know," Tifa said and Cloud winced at the uncharacteristic bitterness in it, she resisted the urge to throw the bag through the closed window.

"Are you angry?" he asked softly.

Was she angry?

She had to close her eyes and count to ten, unwanted emotions surged in her at the question. But it wasn't anger, it was a mixed bag of many years of frustration and misery. She didn't want to let herself get carried away by it, not like how she acted earlier. She needed to control it.

When she opened her eyes she let herself trace Cloud's face, before taking a seat next to him on the sill. After all this time she wondered why he would still ask that, is that what he thought of her? The answer made her feel a little defeated.

"No. I'm not angry," she said looking out the window. A lone manikin was wandering the street muttering to itself. "But I am terrified."

"I'm sorry."

"Cloud you keep apologizing, but you don't need to. All this time, I never blamed you."

"You should have-"

"But I didn't," she said shortly. She didn't want his insecurity to get in the way what she was going to say. "Don't use me as an excuse for you to beat yourself up. Cloud, I almost died. What would have happened if I did? The people I leave behind? I need to count on you; you have to know that this can't happen. Ever again."

"I really have been clean all this time," Cloud pressed like he thought Tifa didn't believe him, "I never want to go back. I just had to see it for some reason, like I needed to confront it."

"Do you ever get the urges?" she asked.

Cloud's gaze avoided her, "Do you want the truth?"

"I want the only thing I've wanted for the past five years; for you to talk to me about this. I know I'm no Aerith," Cloud flinched at the name, "But I'm here too. It didn't affect just you, I fought through it too, even when you ignored me. That can't happen now, if you slip we will die. We need to do it, and if we do it together we might stand a chance."

Cloud knocked his head softly on the window pane, "It's not about sometimes getting an urge. I always want it. Even now." He put his hand in front of her, and even in the darkness she could see it was shaking from withdrawal.

Tifa dropped her head on his shoulder, digesting the information in silence. She faced a lot of frightening things, but this was by far the worst. She couldn't get away from this disease, even now, and she didn't know how to fight it.

She breathed into his shoulder, it was shaky and sad. Cloud timidly leaned his head on hers as well.

No one gets a break, eh?

-x-

"The sun is setting," Lightning said looking at the sky, "We'll need to bunker down soon."

"No," Kain said quickly cutting her off, "The road is almost completely clear, we should be able to find vehicles soon.

"If we get stuck looking for cars, and I say cars because we need more than one, and fail that gamble, we'll be in the shit."

"Or we could waste our time looking for a place to sleep to keep us marginally safe, or use that time to something that could actually take us to a guaranteed safe place."

Tifa looked back and forth between Lightning and Kain, she had never seen them really fight. Sure they had disagreements, but they communicated more nonverbally. She supposed they were antsy about leaving the city. Despite Lightning's annoyance clearly beginning to build, Kain increased his pace and started to lead again, so determined to follow through that it almost seemed like he knew exactly where to go. Lightning snorted but followed anyway.

"Here," Kain said, pointing to a wide structure not too far from there, it was a rather large building, with a lot of road surrounding it.

"Here what?" Tifa asked, "That's- the mall right? For scavenging or to stay in?"

Now that Tifa thought of it, it did seem like a good idea to hold up in the mall. Well, except for every other horror movie I've ever watched being in a mall.

"Neither, I was thinking about the garage, there are a plethora of cars to choose from there, Some must be drivable. This close to open road, scavengers are just as likely to leave the city than just rip apart cars for parts."

Cloud stepped forward, "I can fix up any car that we need anyway."

Lightning threw her hands up in defeat, which was a close to a blessing as they were going to get.

They passed the open parking lot, which had been a clustered mess, there were car pile ups scattered in inconvenient places, and half of the other cars looked like they were in wrecks. A few manikins lingered in the open, moaning and wailing. They would have been easy enough to take care of, but instead they ignored them, Tifa hoped that there weren't many manikins in the garage, there was a lot less open space there.

Luckily, she hadn't spotted any, they made their way to the second floor of the wall-less concrete frame. It felt uneasy though, sun spilled from the edges but it still looked dim, and while it was less of a jumble from the other parkinglot, it looked a lot more formidable.

Tifa peered in the car window of a charming white sedan that didn't look like it was run down, surprisingly she could still see a red blinking light.

"This one has an alarm," she said moving to the next viable option.

"So hey, I get to drive one right?" Vaan asked.

"No," Lightning said.

"That's bullshit. I should get my own car, it's not like there's any cops that are going to stop me."

Lightning glowered at him.

"I mean besides you. And you aren't going to arrest me. I think."

"No but I will not hesitate to hog tie you and throw you in the back."

"Gross, you've got some weird fetishes. Whatever, if I can't get a car I'm going to find something for myself in the mall."

"Me too," Terra interjected.

"You sure?" Vaan asked.

"I'll be more help looking in there instead of here," she said, then turned to Kain, "I want a gun."

Kain looked at her, then at Tifa, like he needed her permission.

"Terra, are you sure you okay with a gun?" Tifa asked.

"I've shot one before," Terra replied.

"Once. And it was during practice," Lightning pointed out.

"I need to defend myself," Terra said, she was visibly deflating by now but she wasn't backing down.

"Just give her one," Tifa said, she'd need to learn one day. She wished she'd let someone chaperon her that wasn't Vaan. Kain gave Terra one of the pistols, which she gingerly weighed on one of her petite hands before she left to follow the boy.

"Go get me a hanger from one of the stores. It'll help with getting these things open," Lightning called after him.

"Don't need it, I got a slim jim in my bag."

"Why do you have a slim jim?"

"Because I use to break into cars and steal, duh," he shouted, walking away.

"That kid…" she grumbled, then she stopped Tifa from looking at what was a brand new pick up truck, candy apple red shining from the sunlight in the distance. "Not that one, get an older model. I can't hotwire that one." She pulled out a long, slim metal object from Vaan's bag.

"We have Cloud," Tifa waved towards him, she blamed her knee jerk attraction to pick up trucks on growing up a country girl. The town had an especially nice one, always situated in the middle of the town, whenever it drove away kids use to run up to it trying to grab a ride on it in its back. But she was sure that was an excuse. Mostly she wanted it because it was really, really shiny.

"I could, but it's probably best to get cars that more than one person can use," he said, circling a motorcycle. His eyes resembled one of a child in a toy store, all gleaming and excited.

"I thought you said we should get cars that everyone could use," Tifa said smiling at his expression, it was comforting to see something in him except gloominess. It put her mind at ease.

"I'm just looking. It's a classic 1961 Harley-Davidson Duo Glide. Look at that paint job," he said in awe.

Tifa shook her head, "You and your collectibles."

Cloud actually looked offended. "It's not something you call just a collectible. Look at it."

"This car won't do. It's almost out of gas," she heard Cecil say. This seemed to snap Cloud out of his trance and he ran towards Cecil and asked him to pop the car's hood. "I need something from in there."

"I didn't think Cecil knew how to pick car locks," Tifa said amused. It was hard to picture some as proper as Cecil breaking into anything. "And for that matter, you too, Lightning."

"I'm police, I have to at least understand how these things work," Lightning said. "You don't?"

"It's not exactly an everyday skill," Tifa replied. Kain called for Lightning, who wordlessly tossed him Vaan's metal contraption as if she knew what he was going to say.

"You too, Kain?"

"A locksmith in the city costs a hundred dollars at the cheapest. Double if it's after hours," Kain explained.

"I can't seriously be the only person who doesn't know how to pick a lock, right Yuna?" Yuna smiled gently.

"Seriously?" Tifa refused to feel stupid; she still didn't believe that picking car locks was an common talent.

She huffed and playfully stomped to the row over of cars, continuing to inspect it. Despite his earlier insistence that he was only looking, Cloud was now tinkering with the motorcycle with a piece of tubing from the earlier car he had been working on. Tifa thought that was good though, he needed something that could make him smile in his life.

She went to go back to her search, but when she turned around she was greeted by a stranger, inches away from her face.

Tifa immediately jumped back to create space and launched a punch which the man caught easily. He rotated her fist, leading it awkwardly away from his heavily make-up'd face. Whoever this man was, he was unnerving; his wide, eerie smile sent chills down her spine, and it took her a minute to realize that the makeup gave the impression of a clown. There was an air of nonchalance to him, but Tifa had a deep suspicion he was calculating her just as much as she was him.

"Hm, it seems that Terra stepped out for a bit hasn't she?" his voice sounded oddly jovial as he searched about, but there was a menacing undertone to it.

"Who the hell are you? How do you know Terra?" Tifa demanded taking another step back, freeing her arm and readying a fighting stance. The loud warning in her voice caught everyone else's attention and they came weapons drawn. The stranger's flamboyant makeup caught them off guard, Lightning's brows raised and Kain dropped his gun's aim in confusion.

"Dear or dear. Why waste time asking questions you don't care about, why don't you ask me what you really want to know? Ask me if I'm dangerous?" he giggled, batting his eyelashes like a school girl at her.

"So are you?" Tifa asked cautiously.

"Oh, I think you already figured out the answer to that, right?" his tone dropped an octave and his lipstick smile grew menacingly. Without warning he smashed his fist into a car window behind them, shattering the glass and ignoring the shards that punctured his skin.

"The name's Kefka by the way."

The car alarm screeched painfully into the air, the shrill noise surrounding them. A second later the sound of manikins answering the alarm began to rise, and Tifa realized that this place was beyond infested, it was overrun the way the city was when searching for Yuna. But she hadn't even seen them!

Tifa, horrified, looked back to Kefka, insane and full of mirth.

"Run, run or you'll be undone."

AN: THIS CHAPTER. This chapter was the worst. I almost stopped writing when I came to this chapter and I had to majorly rehaul it more than once. I'll be happy to never see it again. Also I hope I don't fall into any government watch list for researching all the ways to hotwire and break into cars, especially when I barely used the info.

A lot of people were really happy with Terra finally stepping up the last chapter, and that makes me happy because Terra is one of my favorite characters. I unfortunately used a lot of her Dissidia characterization but that was because it fit her best in this situation. I needed someone young and vulnerable in a cast of suspiciously competent people. And it left the best opportunities for character development, which I was very conscious about. She's still not the best fighter now, but that makes it more believable, she gets the ability to grow slowly, and therefore it's more of a natural write rather than Yuna grabbing a gun and all of sudden being a sharp shooter. The moltav cocktail thing was alluded to in chapter 7, I had actually written the Sephiroth scene just as I was about to post that chapter, and quickly edited in for continuity sake. I wanted Terra to set Sephiroth on fire specifically because I always thought of her as a fire caster.

I also played with the idea of Cloud not landing the finishing blow, because I feel like letting him do it or letting him fail at being the one that killed Sephiroth both brought pretty strong but radically different messages. But in the end, I let him do it because I screwed with him enough. I also made him a huge nerd that liked collecting things, but I think Cloud is dorky, it's one of the things I like about him. One time I accidentally called Kamen Rider a power ranger to a fan and NEVER AGAIN.

Oh yeah, Kefka is in it finally. Kuja is my fave (that's in Dissidia at least) and Sephiroth has the best link to Tifa in canon, but Kefka in the apocalypse is nothing but fun.

love-warmth-life: The relationship between Cloud and Tifa was always... stressed. It walked the line of being admirable, but also being incredibly unhealthy and destructive. Cloud is Tifa's major flaw, and it brings out the best and worst in her. It's definitely being stressed now. Mental illness is a hard one to pin down, I've known a lot of people with clinical depression and bipolar disorder, and it's hard to tell which is the disease, and which is them using it as a crutch for the bad decisions in their life. That ambiguity is perfect for Cloud.

Nightshade X: Dissidia was so horrible to her that it may be the first game I actively skipped cutscenes. It was painful. I always wondered why they went that route with her, just making it so extreme, but writing this I sort of get it, it's such a break from the other characters and in the right setting, her weakness slowly burning away to resolve would be compelling. If only the Dissidia writers could actually... write some character development.

Sephiroth is a complex ball, but I always felt like it always boiled back to his narcissism/pride, and how he had to better. He always defined himself as better and stronger, in supernatural terms, and definitely looked down on others. I also struggled a lot with his obsession with Cloud, I thought it was wildly out of character to center his motivations around it in later installments, especially since he was so dismissive of him earlier in the OG. But then someone once mentioned to me that even if he was going out of his way to mess with Cloud, he still was doing it because it was about Sephiroth, and how he wanted to dominate the one person that did to beat him.

As I said before, I liked how well Sephiroth was characterized in CC, but I wonder if there was a way to incorporate some of that into it, to make the sudden transition easier to comprehend. And not just accept the change because we saw Genesis and Angeal go crazy, something that made him tick on the inside, that explained his actions for him.

Feint Brawler: Thank you so much for your review, I'm glad to hear you like it! 012 definitely missed an opportunity to have the evil turned good group into an interesting dynamic, like they did with some of the 5, 8, 9 in the first game. I like the idea of Cloud and Terra hanging out together, and Tidus would be a great way to balance them out. I also would like to admit, I was totally going to just skip 012 and stick with the original Dissidia until I saw Tifa was in it, and bought it day 1. I am a sucker like that, I love her.

Tifa wasn't as in rage, but it's definitely straining tensions. Actually this review did a lot to change my mind about how I handled her character in this chapter and I rewrote a few scenes to add the underlying frustration between the two. Tifa's a character that feels the need to hold everyone together, but at the expense of her own feelings. And that's a problem.

Terra's hair is an odd story, iirc correctly it's blond because that was Amano's original design, but Amano draws half his characters blond and there was no way to differentiate between Celes and Terra, so the sprite was changed to green hair. And it was good. I could always use more green hair girls, they always seem to be awesome. Rydia for next dissidia! And I have plans for all the main protagonists in Dissidia to show up in at least a chapter that's not a flashback, so we'll see them.

Frenchy: Thank you, decapitations are fun, along with watching arrogant people in fiction! Cloud's and Tifa's are a relationship that tends to sabotage itself, although now that Cloud seems to want to be more open, Tifa feels like she's pulling away a little bit. The characters got more to go through Kain and Cecil's got a lot of stuff to work out, and it'll be brought up once or twice, so I hope you'll enjoy it :)

lalala: Cloud's issues are deep seated and have been there since he was a teen, but he never got any help for it, so when drugs were introduced he spiraled out of control really quickly. The lack of light was written to compensate for my poor action writing skills, and I couldn't think of any way for them not to just shoot Sephiroth full of holes unless they couldn't see him.

Sephiroth was reading a philosopher named Nietzsche and his work Thus spoke Zarathustra, I don't want to talk too much about it because I SUCK at philosophy, but the overman (translated from Ubermensch in the title of the chapter) is the concept of the perfect man, a person who excels over the rest of humanity, a goal to be striven too, someone who has evolved into something greater, and philosophically replaces the concept of god in the minds of people. People more educated than I am can argue what the real point of the overman was, but I've read that the concept of overman has been twisted in famous ways in history, Hitler being the most famous example. I figure that if Sephiroth was reading something to feed his ego, he was reading that.

Kuchiki Jeann: I think it's great, I've been meaning to draw you one back as a thank you gift, since you like Rinoa and Squall so much. Thank you for taking the time to review. And logging is always a pain now because of that cache thing, stupid wavy number sequence.