Standard Disclaimer: George Lucas owns the expansive universe that is Star Wars, I only wish I did. This is a figment of my own creation twisting what already exists.
Epilogue
Despite the inherent difficulties of doing so, leave it to my merry little band to find a way off of the Cruiser and back to the dubious pleasures of some of the cantinas and taverns offered by the backward little planet. Not only was it tradition, but it was an absolute must this time as while we never said anything, we all knew it was on our minds that it was over. So, our merry little band celebrated the end of a mission one last time knowing that it was more then just the mission's end that we were celebrating: it was the end. After this, we would be breaking up and heading for different systems all around the galaxy.
Jetta, Jaymes and I were heading to the Praxeum on board the Millenium Falcon while Matrix would be taking Lahleelah and Wedge to Endor and Corillia before heading off to "look up some old friends." So, everyone cut loose and relaxed. Jetta even got a little tipsy herself and a few Rodian Afterburners saw me to a good time.
Naturally of course, when we returned the next morning, Jetta and I got a great deal of scowls from Skywalker as well as a long lecture on the detrimental effects of alcohol on Jedi but since we were both busy suppressing hangovers we only half-heard it. So, we acted contrite and then bid our farewells before heading off.
The trip itself was largely uneventful. Apparently, the passing of two decades hadn't mellowed the smuggler's harsh feelings towards me in any way so I merely took to spending the time in my cabin for the first week. Skywalker did pretty much the same, presumably to read the diary.
Luckily, the siege-like feeling of the trip lightened slightly a little later when, noticing that the poor Wookie copilot, Chewbaaca was obviously out of de-staticing spray, I offered my conditioner for use. He accepted with far more graciousness then I expected that he would and after that seemed to go almost out of his way to be nice to me. Much to the grumbling of the ship's captain: Mr. Solo.
Skywalker was of course, true to his word and said absolutely nothing about my mistake to any of the others. Then again, Master Skywalker didn't really say much of anything to anyone during that entire trip. In fact, he gave almost no indication that anything was on his mind in the least but I gained the distinctive impression of being almost studied enough times to know that I was being carefully evaluated against whatever knowledge lay within Corlyon's diary. And it was also more then one time during that voyage that he would come up to me alone and ask me some odd and seemingly incongruous question. For my part, I tried to answer as best I could and did my best to keep my curiosity in check.
Other then that however, the trip was singularly uneventful and so, I did what I normally do, which is try to spend my time usefully. Jetta and I sparred a little every few days in the empty holds and, noticing that the ship's library was filled with instructional manuals in electrical systems- a highly useful subject that I really didn't know nearly as well as I always believed I should have- I studied them to pass the time. And so it was that we arrived on Yavin IV with none of us knowing any more then we had before.
When we arrived, Master Skywalker bid his friends goodbye and after giving the three of us a general rundown and slight tour of the Praxeum, informed Jetta that he expected to see her in the morning. As for myself however, I was calmly informed that he believed that we should wait for me to join the others for a while. After that, he went back to work leaving the three of us to our own devices.
Jetta and Jaymes chose their rooms almost immediately of course, but I took that afternoon to explore a bit and came across what can only be described as perfection. The room itself was slightly on the small side, and being on the far end of the ancient temple, was well away from any of the lighted and inhabited halls and corridors but the moment I saw it, I knew that I couldn't resist settling there.
First off was the view from the large window that all but dominated the small room. The levels above and below the room that I chose to be mine had been crafted with large, stone overhangs to keep out the rain, which also managed to incidentally create an impromptu balcony about a meter wide. And that balcony overlooked the most beautiful view I had managed to ever see before much less Sense. It was breathtaking and I fell immediately in love. Never before in my entire existence had I felt such…. Life-and I don't mean just "life" I mean, "LIFE!"
Everything about me was alive. And I do mean everything. The ground hundreds of meters below my little balcony was teaming with it, the very air itself thrummed with it- it was everywhere! Feeling not unlike a little girl again getting the birthday presents to end all birthday presents I immediately decided that regardless of the inconveniences of setting up there, I was going to do it, and so, that room became my new home.
After I had finished making the room habitable (and it took far more along the lines of weeks then days), I then turned my attentions to settling into my new life- which proved to be far more difficult then I could have possibly anticipated. At first, all of the other students were all-but overjoyed to accept another into their midst particularly since I had found and brought with me Corlyon's diary, but after the first blush of welcome was over with, it all too soon became apparent that I was anything but what they were used to.
First off, I apparently was the only one who could automatically Feel tremors without having to concentrate on doing so. And then there was the fact that, as nice as they were, the others seemed about as lively as a bunch of corpses. Everyone spoke so quietly and so somberly as if they were in the middle of a wake. Smiling was rare and laughter nonexistent making me wonder more times then one if this was indeed what I had always wanted.
In fact, it wasn't long before I began to feel like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole and so, after a while, the strained attempts at friendship were mutually surrendered leaving me pretty much to my own devices.
Which for the first two weeks left me at a total and utter loss.
Finally and at long last upon the verge of undergoing training, there really didn't seem that much need for me to really study anything ahead of time, or even to really practice. And there certainly wasn't anywhere to go. While the jungle was indeed one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen, never having been in any wilderness, I had sensibly decided that no matter how attractive the idea of exploring it was, I was going to stay put.
And though the other students and I got along well enough, I just didn't feel right around them and they sure as Sith didn't feel right around me. So, with Jetta busy studying and Jaymes busy helping out, this meant that my enforced separation left me completely alone and facing the question of- What in the Sith does an ex-Imperialite trying to be a Jedi do when she's not trying to be a Jedi?
Finally, however, I came to the conclusion that I was going to do whatever the Sith I wanted to do and luckily, things improved drastically from there.
I borrowed whatever book-tapes out of the library that I wanted to read regardless of whether or not I felt that they would be helpful. In fact, I even read one or two space romances before deciding that they were far too sickeningly sweet and completely unrealistic for my tastes.
I went to bed whenever I wished and ate at whatever hour I decided that I was hungry. I watched holoprograms and even practiced some of my ballet finally at long last breaking in my toe-shoes. And while I probably should have been impatient during those weeks, I had to admit that within only a matter of days after my decision- far from being impatient, I didn't want it to end!
For the first time in my life I was safe and free from the fetters of expectation.
I wasn't the Force-Aware girl among vacuous Imperialites, I wasn't the Imperial Slut among Rebels or the hopeful Jedi among Mentals.
I wasn't being chased, shot at or blown up. I wasn't trying to make up for lost time or trying to decide how to prepare myself for anything.
It was, point blank, wonderful…
Unfortunately, all good things must eventually come to an end and this good thing was no different.
Mine ended one rare, true night in the last remaining hours before planetrise with a knock on my door. Crawling out of bed and not bothering to throw on my breeches, I moved to answer it, still rubbing the sleep from my eyes, the disheveled state of my hair completely unregistered in my bleary state.
A very somber and extremely serious Jedi Master was standing just beyond.
"Skywalker?" I blinked blearily trying to figure out precisely what he was doing there.
"Get dressed quickly," He told me. "Bring your lightsaber."
I blinked again. "Huh?"
"I'll wait out here," He stated instead of answering my barely coherent question and stepping back he closed the door between us to do precisely that.
Blinking some more I managed to focus my eyes on my chronometer to discover that it was 0400 hours and shook my head.
"The man's insane," I muttered to myself going to dress as quickly as possible yawning all the while.
"Even Darthy-boy wasn't this sadistic," I continued the one-sided conversation with myself as I pulled on my breeches and my boots.
Deciding that Master Skywalker probably wouldn't understand the needed time it would take for me to braid my hair, I merely settled for running a brush through it quickly and so, belting on my pink monster left the room where, true to his word, he was waiting in the hall.
"Can I ask what the Sith's so important that it's got us both up at Oh-dark-thirty, Com- Master?" I asked barely catching my verbal slip in time.
Skywalker however, apparently chose not to answer.
"This way," Was all he said already striding down the corridor with the aid of his glow-rod.
"O-kay," I muttered to myself as I trailed dutifully behind after him.
Oh yeah, I determined to myself silently. Nuttier then a bucket of stem-bolts. Of course, my response to this odd behavior was mostly because I was beginning to feel not unlike a mushroom.
"How so?" He asked and for a moment I blinked in surprise that a Jedi Master would enter my private thoughts before I realized that I had muttered this observation aloud.
"Because Skywalker, I'm being kept in the dark and fed nothing but caco," I answered honestly enough.
A near smile actually tugged at his lips in response to this before his expression settled into a more somber one.
"Patience Jedi," He said before continuing on.
Eventually, we came to the more occupied areas of the temple and then out into the night. When he turned and headed directly for the thick line of brush at the edge of the courtyard however, I pulled up short.
Sensing my hesitation, Skywalker turned to regard me in the low light of the stars arching an eyebrow.
"Is something wrong Dallayna?" He asked me.
"Ah," I stammered trying not to blush. "Not- not really. I just um," I cleared my throat getting my embarrassment under control through more force of will then the Force. "I've never been in wildlands," I admitted haltingly. "Before."
Through the darkness I could still see it. Again, his lips quirked in a near smile.
"Oh, I'm certain that there are many places in this galaxy you haven't been, Dallayna Vokan," He told me.
"Oh now, I should be extremely angered by that condescending remark Luke Skywalker," I told him folding my arms over my chest for a moment. "Unfortunately, it's true," I admitted wearily as I passed him and stepped into the jungle.
A near vocal sound from him caught my attention, but when I looked over to meet his gaze, his expression was completely under control making me uncertain if I had heard the near-laugh I thought that I might have or merely a slight cough. Unfortunately, I wasn't afforded my dignity long enough to figure it out or even to wonder for no sooner had he stepped up to me then an ear-piercing screech filled with ancient blood-filled hunger made me jump about a meter off of the ground myself and back into him in startled surprise.
My eyes met his.
"He-he-he," I forced the quiet and meek laugh out. "Sorry," I apologized stepping back chagrinly releasing him.
Skywalker's hand came up to his temple for a moment before slowly he sighed.
"Control," He declared nodding decisively. "Obviously, the first thing you need to learn," He stated. "Is Control."
Any other circumstances and I would have agreed with him whole-heartedly. However, I had been dragged from the safe security from my own bed for some unexplained reason and pulled out into the middle of some unknown and decidedly deadly wildland and I was furthermore still reeling not only from the embarrassment but from the fact that I despised physical contact and yet had still managed to act like a walking, talking clique and jumped into someone's arms at the nearest scary sound which was decidedly unlike me. Needless to say that I wasn't precisely my normally steady self so, I decided that a comment of my own was in order- appropriate or not.
"Well no kidding," I nodded. "Gee, do you think that might have to do with the fact that you're dragging a girl into this place whose main skills are using a proper table setting and giving good fellatio?" I quipped. "Two things Skywalker and that's it. Count them two things I know how to do: Read minds and my hair. I mean, I come from a place where the greatest physical threat is the possibility of breaking a nail."
Far from even remotely affected by this little speech, Skywalker only regarded me for a moment in silence.
"We'll see," He said before moving off into the jungle leaving me to trail along after him yet again.
"Mushroom," I muttered following him.
After that, there was pretty much nothing said for quite a while. Or at least, nothing said by Skywalker. I, on the other hand wound up muttering more then one oath as I was nearly eaten alive by insects and fell more then once in the most undignified of fashions. Other then to assure himself that I was still breathing however, Skywalker gave me no more consideration then a rock
All in all, it was a pretty miserable jaunt through the tangles of the darkened jungle that managed to put me into precisely the proper frame of mind for my imperialitic upbringing to rear its ugly head when we finally at long last achieved our destination.
"Ewww," I exclaimed completely disgusted by the monstrosity before us. "This is where we're going?" I asked my guide. "Skywalker is this some kind've sick joke or something?" I demanded.
By sight, the scene before us was actually quite lovely, but that was only by sight. Before us the majestic building rose from the middle of the crystal clear waters of the lake.
Darkness filled the Force enough to choke acridly at the back of my throat and as I regarded it in horrified disgust, my vision… changed revealing the empty nest of a Spider- long since dead. But the grotesqueness of the nest before me had lost very little in its passing.
Naturally, it was all only a vision- a trick of the eye my mind had created in my youth in order for me to See what precisely I was dealing with and so, of course, my child's first impressions worked even still providing me a vision of the Dark Side as that of a Spider. Translating the symbolism of the thing before me, I quickly came to the conclusion that the building before me was a temple of the Dark Side itself- possibly even one of the ancient Sithian temples that had been allowed to exist by the old Jedi order for study by certain interested Masters.
As soon as I had come to this conclusion of course, I blinked and the vision was gone. Unfortunately, it didn't help the nausea I felt at the place's proximity.
"Why are we here?" I heard myself breathe as; pressing the back of my wrist against my lips I swallowed back the bile rising in the back of my throat.
"I think Dallayna, that you already know why," Skywalker observed sitting down peacefully upon a nearby log, completely unaffected by the perversion we regarded. "You're going inside," He told me in case his meaning had been missed.
"What?"
Skywalker's lips quirked ever so slightly despite the seriousness of the situation.
"You may take your weapon," He offered. "Or not. It is strictly up to you of course, but you are going inside."
"Why?" I asked again. "What's in there?"
Skywalker shrugged. "What you take with you."
And that's when it hit me. I'm slow from time to time but certainly not stupid.
It was a test!
As Jetta had so eloquently put it to me not long before, the Light Side of the Force eluded me sometimes and obviously Skywalker was utilizing some unique characteristic of the temple to test me on just how much it did.
"Great," I muttered unbuckling my belt. "Just great," I stated putting it down on the log before him and pulling off my boots.
"You know Skywalker," I muttered tossing my boots aside and divesting myself of my socks. "In the old days they used to wait until training was over before they put their padawan through the trials," I informed him as I unbuttoned my breeches.
"I'm well aware of that yes," He nodded completely unaffected by my antics as my breeches landed beside him on the log.
"I should be doing something far more valuable with my time then this facing inner-demons caco," I observed pulling off my tunic and throwing it onto the pile. I retained my under things of course.
"Why?" He asked arching an eyebrow. "Are you worried?"
Taking a deep breath to retort I halted and deciding against the quip that came to mind, chose to answer the question.
"Skywalker? I grew up in the constant shadow of the Dark Side," I told him honestly. "I lost my capacity for real fear at the age of nine when I realized that there's nothing to be afraid of."
"Then go ahead," He told me obviously not convinced in the least.
I turned to regard the Sithian temple and took a deep breath.
"This has got to be by far the grossest thing I've ever done," I muttered to myself before jumping into the lake.
"GREAT SITHIAN SKIES AFIRE!" I exclaimed in surprise.
A near tremor filled with worry moved slightly. Skywalker.
"Are you alright?" He called out.
"It's freezing!" I partially exclaimed partially answered. "Sonuva Sithian!" I cursed beginning to swim.
Behind me there was absolutely no doubt that I was hearing it this time. A soft chuckle answered my remarks.
The swim itself didn't take that long and really wasn't that unpleasant if I could ignore the tremors of my destination that is. The cool water was completely devoid of life of course being in contact with that ancient relic devoted to death and was actually nice after the heat of the sultry air about me. All too soon, I found my foot touching the far shore and standing, regarded the majesty of the ancient temple alone and almost entirely naked. And even as I regarded it, almost as if sensing my presence, the large doors opened for me invitingly.
All in all I felt like an idiot.
"Why do I think there should be some really eerie music in the background?" I asked the universe at large as I made my way in through the open doors.
Right on cue with every horror holoprogram I had ever seen, the doors closed ominously behind me. Slowly, ever so slowly, the lights rose and I found myself in the absolute last place in the known galaxy I thought would ever be: A Sithian temple.
The air was cool and filled with dust and the scent of antiquity. Darkness surrounded me on the Force as I stepped forward into what was obviously once the great hallway waiting for something else to happen.
Long moments passed.
Finally growing slightly impatient I called out.
"Yoohoo! Inner-Demon!" I called. "Come out- come out, wherever you are!"
Nothing happened.
"Hello?" I called out again.
Finally, after several more long moments of absolutely nothing, I sat down.
Still nothing.
I got to my feet.
"Alright," I declared. "This is-oof!"
The last unintelligible comment came from me as I was barreled into from behind with enough force to send me sprawling.
Rolling to my feet quickly I rose to see who it was that had attacked me. The cowled form was completely clothed in darkness, his features entirely unreadable and hidden by shadow. As soon as he was certain that he had my attention, he beckoned to me.
Midway to moving towards it, something within me pulled me back.
"No," I heard myself state more to myself then to my opponent. "I don't think so," I told him straightening with realization.
Wedge had been right all along and for the first time I fully understood it facing the creature before me. The war was over and there was simply nothing left to fight anymore. What was I going to do? Make an enemy? That thought was madness as was the creature before me.
"Forget it pal, this girl ain't falling for that line."
Slowly, I turned away.
"I'm not a soldier anymore," I declared leaving the vision to disburse behind me. "No more fighting."
Valuable lesson there Dale, I thought to myself heading towards the door. It really was too, and not nearly as-
Rough hands grabbed me in a strong embrace and before I could even register this fact, I was flying through the air. My head cracked against the wall making the universe gray about me filling it with stars as it spun. The figure snorted disgustedly.
"O-Kay," I declared pulling myself to my feet and riding down the waves of dizziness. "That's not it," I observed.
The figure beckoned a second time and I knew- just knew that beneath the shadows of its cowl, it was smiling.
It beckoned again.
"Oh no-no-no sweetie," I commented to it. "Why don't you come to me?"
After a moment, it did. Diving towards me in the most ungracious of manners, I merely stepped to the side and helped him go where he obviously wanted to. Right into the wall behind me.
"Alright," I declared moving out into the center of the room and watching the figure slowly and painfully climb to its feet.
"So what's the lesson?" I assessed to myself. "Think Dale, people do it every day."
The figure dove towards me a second time with a right hook. That I blocked, I couldn't block the left punch to my solar plexus however. Nicely distracted trying to get my breath, the figure's fist lashed out a second time and connected with my jaw.
Blood filled my mouth as I fell to my knees the room spinning yet again.
Wiping away the blood from my split lip with the back of my hand, I stayed where I was for a moment while I continued to think.
I was obviously missing something.
"Inner-demons," I muttered to myself. "What am I afraid of?" I asked myself as I swept the figure's legs from beneath him.
I rolled to my feet and crouching, waited for the figure to regain theirs.
What was my greatest fear? I wondered wildly as the figure attacked again and immediately upon the heels of that thought, the answer came- or at least, an answer came.
Maybe it was high time to find out.
Instead of blocking the figure's punch, I parried it, whirling around until I had the figure's arm in a nasty and very painful lock. Reaching up, I grabbed the figure's cowl…
And my universe spun wildly out of control.
Whirling out of my lock, her fist lashed up and connected a second time before I could respond- before I could think- before I could react.
As I fell to her feet from the sheer savagery of her blow, she laughed.
"Oh Dale," She shook her head almost sadly, dark eyes sparkling with cold cruelty as she stood over me. "You are so pathetic."
"No," I heard myself breathe past numbed lips. "No," My quivering voice declared again.
"Oh I'm afraid it is," She told me- I told me. "After all, it only makes sense when you think about it, doesn't it?" She laughed. "I mean, do you honestly think you would have gotten where you are if it weren't for me? And that pathetic malbonulo waiting outside finally put us right where I've wanted us all along."
"No!" I cried out diving towards her…
And found myself hitting the far wall yet again the stars spinning right along with my universe.
The other me laughed as she stepped up to stand triumphantly over me on the floor of that temple of evil.
"Oh Dale, Dale, Dale," She chuckled shaking her head. "Don't you see?" She asked with mocking sweetness. "It's your weak and pathetic fear of me that's made you who you are," She assessed. "I mean, do you honestly think that you would have joined the rebellion-tried all of those years to be a Jedi if you hadn't been afraid of becoming me? And fear is so powerful here," She continued with a smile. "I'm powerful here."
"Never," I heard my lips breathe defiance.
"Oh, so courageous," She muttered with near good-humor. "But the fear's still there Dally, and you'll never win against it, not ever. Not even for a moment. Even if you did manage to defeat me here and at this time, I'll still be there Dallayna," She smiled sweetly. "I'll always be there."
"No!" I cried out again, only this time- this time I really meant it.
I feigned a lunge and she responded immediately. Sweeping her legs, I dove for her, my hands encircling her throat. Her fingers grappled at mine ineffectually, her face turning such beautiful shades of red and then blue as she gasped for air that wouldn't come, that would never come.
"You," I spat out through clenched teeth. "Are. Never. Going. To. Win," I hissed to her ear.
Picking her up with Force-Enhanced strength I threw her into the far wall.
"Come on!" I beckoned her defiantly. "You want to fight until the end of time in this stinking temple, let's do it! But I tell you now," My voice fell to a hiss colder then space itself. "You are never going to win!"
"Oh and you will?" She chuckled. "As long as you're afraid of me Dallayna Vokan, I'll always be there. And you're always going to be afraid of me," She pointed out but this time I knew what was happening, this time I knew the only way.
I was never going to be leaving this temple but I no longer cared. If I had to remain there for the rest of my life, I really no longer cared. Crouching slightly, I prepared myself.
"Yes you will," I nodded. "But you're still never going to win," I told her. "I will never surrender to you," I said my voice falling into a hiss a second time.
"Why you stupid-" She dove towards me but I was ready for her.
Stepping nimbly into the blow I blocked it with my arm, my other hand slicing down towards her neck and…
Encountered air.
Blinking, I straightened looking around just as the doors behind me opened out into the wilds of Yavin IV.
For a moment, I stood in confusion, my brow furrowed in thought. Had I succeeded or had I failed the test?
It was hard to say as on the one hand I had failed in that I had admitted to myself that I would always possess the fear of becoming a monster. That fear was still undefeated. I had merely fought it into a standoff, a balance of sorts.
My inner-demons had been reigned in but they still remained.
Thoughtfully, I looked around me at the Sithian Temple. It was everything I had been raised within. Death, pain, blood, desire, dominance, slavery. I realized I wanted to blow it up but immediately upon the heels of that realization came the thought that destroying the temple would be futile not to mention unwise, after all, obviously, it had its use.
Deciding that I would much prefer that use to be for someone else, I turned away from the temple and stepped out into the early morning hours just as the planet was beginning to rise.
The swim back helped to clear my head a little as I made my way back to the far shore where Skywalker was waiting for me. In the end, my own thoughts on what had happened within really didn't matter as it really wasn't my place to decipher it. Skywalker knew far more then I did about those things so, I decided to let him figure it out.
The water was colder now and so was the air making my teeth chatter slightly as I reached the shore and waded out of the water where I stood waiting for his decision shivering in the chilly air of early morning. Skywalker was kind enough to remove his cloak and drape it around my shoulders.
"So," I asked finally. "What's the verdict?"
A near-smile only tugged at his lips.
"Why don't you tell me Dallayna," He responded. "Do you think you passed the test?"
Yet again I considered this briefly for a moment but I had to admit that I was still coming up empty of answers.
"I honestly have no idea," I sighed. "Look Luke, I'm not even a knight much less a master, how in the t'lack am I supposed to know the right answers to a test when I haven't been taught the material?" I asked back realizing only after I had asked it that maybe I shouldn't have utilized his first name.
Skywalker however, didn't seem to notice it or wasn't phased by it in the least. He merely nodded as if he had expected just that sort of comment from me and sat down on the log beside my clothes. Briefly, I considered redressing but feeling his tremor I realized that things were serious enough that the distraction would only complicate matters.
"This has to do with the diary, doesn't it?" I heard myself commenting.
"Yes it does," He nodded. "I have read the diary and," He took a deep breath to clear his thoughts. "You are correct Dallayna," He told me. "My father wanted you to find it in order to ease your descent to the Dark Side."
"'Your father?'" I repeated perplexed.
Skywalker merely looked at me, his face filled with all of the dignity of the Jedi. Neither ashamed nor proud.
"Yes," He confirmed levelly. "Darth Vader as he was known was once Anakin Skywalker- my father," He explained. "And though he did turn to the Dark Side, he died saving me so, I'm not ashamed of that fact," He pointed out. "It was he who killed the Emperor at the Battle of Endor and sacrificed his life doing so to save mine."
"Oh," I nodded understanding in more ways then one.
Despite myself, I couldn't resist feeling a momentary kinship with the aloof and somber Jedi Master before me. After all, I too had a monstrosity as a father who I couldn't hate either. I also couldn't help but notice the irony of the daughter of the Raphlanx being trained to be a Jedi Knight by the son of Vader. It was yet another of those things that seriously makes me wonder if the Force has a sense of humor.
"Now," Luke commented drawing my attention from my thoughts and back to the matter at hand. "After having read the diary I no longer have any doubt as to the precise nature of his plans for you. If you had fallen to the Dark Side of the Force as he had planned, you would have been the perfect tool for the Empire. And," He sighed. "That was unfortunately an inevitability without the aid of a Jedi Master who is aware of your condition."
"'My condition,'" I heard myself repeat. "So, what're you saying? That there's something wrong with me?"
"No, no," He shook his head. "Not 'wrong,'" He took a deep breath. "Dallayna, there are some things that I'm not certain that you know yet so, please bear with me a moment so I can try to explain."
"Alright," I agreed sitting down on the log.
Skywalker took another deep breath for a moment, collecting his thoughts before at long last, he turned to me.
"Now, as I'm sure you're aware Dallayna, any particular abilities that any given knight can or cannot learn have largely to do with the way that they think," He began.
"Right," I agreed. "In fact, if I remember correctly, aren't there some abilities that only females or only certain species can learn?"
"Yes," He nodded. "Now, I'm not entirely certain if you are aware of this fact, but there also are certain individuals who, for one reason or another seem to be one step further then just a mere ability or two. These people possess what's called a Talent."
I struggled with this thought for a moment before deciding that I wasn't entirely certain what he was getting at.
"Look, I'm a debutante so my vocabulary isn't that much higher then a five-year old's," I apologized finally. "Could you use smaller words?" I asked shaking my head. "What do you mean by 'Talent?'"
Luke thought about this for a brief moment.
"Well, Cighal is a perfect example," He told me. "She's a Jedi-Healer," He explained. "You see, even though she's not a medic or a doctor as yet, her Talent in the Force is still that of a Healer," He stated. "Her Talent draws her to and gives her great abilities in medicine and the healing arts. All she needs is the time and the freedom to develop them and given that, she will become a Healer because that's what comes naturally to her."
"Alright," I nodded. "So what does that have to do with me?" I asked still as perplexed as before.
"Patience Jedi," He flashed a quick near-smile of apology as he rose to his feet and began to pace slowly in thought.
"Now, as I was saying," He continued. "There is a… condition that I believe you should be made aware of before we continue this conversation," He declared thoughtfully.
"And this would be the condition that I'm suffering from?"
"Not suffer," He corrected me gently. "Let us merely state that you have it and leave things there until I'm finished."
"Fair enough," I nodded.
"You see, Dallayna," He continued again as if I hadn't interrupted him. "If a child born with Force Potential or, even more so, born Force-Aware is exposed to the Dark Side before a certain age, something happens," He stated grimly. "In almost all cases, the child's mind which is still developing is quiet literally overwhelmed by the Dark Side and," He continued. "Whatever that child would have been, is destroyed and those individuals eventually fall to the Dark Side when they become adults."
A cold hand gripped my gut and I folded my arms over that frozen void as I swallowed past the lump in my throat.
"Oh great golden one," I breathed in Ewok.
"Oh no," His voice told me through the graying world. "'Almost all cases,'" He pointed out. "You aren't one of those cases Dallayna," He stated quickly. "In fact, you are a rare individual that happens maybe once every few hundred years or so."
"I-I don't understand," I confessed my stomach still churning in knots.
Luke took another deep breath of preparation and knelt down in front of me, his eyes locking with mine earnestness filling his expression.
"Sometimes, once in a great while a particularly strong Awareness and mind is affected by the exposure to the Dark Side in a completely different way," He explained quietly. "These individuals from their infancy on: fight back.
"Far from being destroyed, their minds actually strengthen themselves against the draw of the Dark Side," He continued rising again. "Unfortunately, the minds of these individuals aren't completely unaffected. I must warn you that these individuals do indeed stand a greater risk of falling to the Dark Side. Properly trained in utilizing their Talent however, they can be a great force for good," He explained. "You see, the problem that arises in such individuals is that even long after the exposure is over with, these individuals are still drawn to fighting the Dark Side and seek its destruction," He informed me. "Properly trained as Jedi and fully on the Light Side of the Force, these individuals are known as Fighter- Knights."
"Oh that's not an oxymoron," I observed rolling my eyes.
"Unfortunately, you're more right then you know Dallayna Vokan," Luke sighed. "You see, having been exposed to the Dark Side of the Force at that early of an age, you will always possess some form of the Dark within you. In fact, that's part of why I brought you here tonight," He admitted. "It was harsh but both of us had to know if you were capable of standing against that taint."
"Fear of what I can become," I agreed grimness filling my own voice.
"Precisely," Luke nodded. "You see Dallayna, if you had fallen to the Dark Side of the Force as my father had planned, then your Talent would have led you to all of the remaining Jedi in hiding and their destruction. All my father would have had to have done was merely sit back and let you do it. You wouldn't have even had to have ever known that he had aided you in your youth," He assessed grimly. "So, if you were to have fallen to the Dark Side or were to fall to the Dark Side then, your Talent would have led to the destruction of the Praxeum and all of the Jedi here."
"And you're letting me live?" I goggled in amazement. "Great Golden One Luke, you certainly love to take risks don't you? I mean, you're telling me that you're taking in a possibly defective thermal detonator just waiting to explode on you?" I gapped. "I-I would've turned me into tiny little nanobites by now!"
Suddenly aware of his expression, I winced.
"Wait, don't tell me," I stated holding up my hand. "Typical Fighter comment, right?"
That near-smile again and an almost chuckle.
"Yes it was," He agreed. "However, I believe that you're forgetting the fact that- fully on the Light Side of the Force, your Talent will do the precise opposite," He pointed out. "More then any other type of Talent Dallayna, the Force guides you. And it will always lead you to the right time and place to destroy the Dark Side's foothold wherever it is whether it is a Force Wielder or not," He explained.
"Waitanano," I held up my hand again. "Are you telling me that I'm some sort've Jedi security officer? Like- Like some kind of Light-Sided ISB?" I asked amazed.
"In a manner of speaking," He admitted. "You have to understand Dallayna that your Talent," And suddenly his words left him as he shook his head.
Apparently coming to some sort of decision, Luke sat down next to me his manner changing completely.
"Look," He stated finally, completely candid. "Most of us find peace in tranquility," He explained. "Meditation, contemplation, all of the typical things that you would expect from a Jedi but because of your exposure, you- you're different," He told me.
"Because you're a Fighter," He continued. "You find peace in turmoil. You are literally happy when things are at their worst. Peace, security, tranquility are- are an anathema to your very existence and that's the greatest danger of all Dale. You see, if you don't learn how to control your Talent then it will perpetually lead you into greater and greater danger, more and more chaos until you actually start creating it," He pointed out.
"At which point I turn," I stated levelly.
"That's exactly it," He agreed. "And in fact, your last adventure is the perfect example of that," He observed. "It all seemed so small, so easy in the beginning, didn't it?" He asked. "But look at where it led you. Even the smallest of things quickly degenerate into chaos Dale," He told me. "Part of your Talent is an almost amazing ability to manipulate the Force when you aren't even aware of it," He stated. "Look at all of the astronomical things that have happened to you in your life so far and you'll see exactly what I mean.
"You wanted to join the Rebellion and all of the occurrences that were necessary for that to happen, happened," He said. "When you determined it was time to find a Jedi Master to train you-"
"-My team got lost on Rekla and we lost twenty years," I provided for him beginning to see what he was pointing out.
"Only to be revived not a year after the Praxeum stabilized," He finished for me. "Precisely when conditions were perfect for you to undergo training," He pointed out. "Your team's ill luck with destruction- that isn't caused by them Dale, it's you- your Talent out of control. Now," He stated. "I'm not saying that all of what's happened to you is the fault of your Talent, some of it is the Force's affect on you," He said evenly. "When I studied about Fighter-Knights with the holocron when we returned here, I discovered that more then any other Jedi, Fighter's tend to have their destinies controlled by the Force. In fact, they seem to be almost closer to it then any other Jedi, almost…"
Brow furrowed in thought, I found myself standing and facing the Sithian temple before me while Luke continued to go on along this vein obviously excited at the uniqueness of my talent for some reason. For my part, I was ignoring him in favor of my own confused and conflicting thoughts.
The dancing prisms of morning were gone now and the distant sun of Yavin was finished rising while the gas planet hung heavy on the horizon. Could I really do it? Could I really spend the rest of my life surrounded by chaos and confusion? But even as I thought the questions, I already knew that I knew the answer.
What, after all were my choices? To spend my days whispering in some dusty temple somber as a corpse? Back to the Empire and to my father as a bovine debutante? Become the creature I just stood against and defied?
Oh no, gallivanting around the galaxy a vagabond against the Dark, a wandering bit of goodness in a harsh and cold universe sounded so much more preferable. In fact, it actually sounded… well, fun. No game, of course, certainly not a game, but it did sound fun, I really had to admit that much. It really did sound fun.
Idly, I rolled the idea around in my head much like one would roll wine around on their palate tasting all of the nuances and varying shades. Slowly, ever so slowly, I felt a near smile just begin.
I always did want to be in security.
And now, I was about to join the biggest, the most elite, the greatest security force ever. Not a part of the courts, Luke had said to me. Which of course, as I reheard these words play through my mind a second time they took on a whole new meaning. The jurisdiction for a Fighter would span the entire galaxy.
The entirety of the galaxy lay open before me and that thought alone-
"… training?" Luke asked me coming up to my side.
"Hmm?" I asked back.
"I asked if you were ready to begin your training now," He reiterated.
"Oh," I remarked. "Yes," I answered. "Yes, I think I am."
"Good," Luke nodded a slight smile tugging at his lips as his hand squeezed my shoulder companionably. "Because the first thing I wanted to talk to you about was actually fairly serious," He admitted.
"Oh?" I arched an eyebrow completely ignoring the hand on my shoulder.
"Oh yes," He nodded.
If even within my wildest of imaginations I had even momentarily been disbelieving of Luke's familial ties, all doubts immediately fell away as he smiled his eyes sparkling with such cruel mischief that I could only be reminded of- well, Vader.
"Have you ever been in the lower levels of the Praxeum while you've been here?" He asked. "They really do need clearing out, and I was thinking that it would be just perfect for you to help out down there while you think about our little discussion," He informed me casually.
Immediately sensing that trouble was on the horizon I decided that the best course of action was retreat.
"Oh, okay," I agreed readily already beginning to move.
That is of course when I discovered that the friendly hand on my shoulder had been placed there for more then developing a feeling of kinship as it immediately drew me back and tightened firmly.
"Ah," He stated flashing another quick smile filled with far more promise then the Dark Side itself. "Not. So. Fast.
"You see Dallayna," He said. "I wanted to talk to you about a few things," He explained.
"So," He continued. "Let's start with this little matter that Wedge told me about," He stated- eyes boring into mine. "Now," He began. "About the Star Destroyer…"