If Only I Could

Chapter 14

"I think I promised you dinner," Christopher eventually said, not really wanting to let go of his dreamgirl. Their drinks were long forgotten on the table by the sofa and the pair had been working to overcome any initial nerves by reacquainting their lips.

"It was mentioned at some point," Marianne agreed with a chuckle, equally reluctant to let go of this mesmerising man. Her reactions to him were nothing like she'd experienced before. Her reactions were, perhaps, only manifesting themselves in her heightened colour and her breathing and perhaps a little in her knickers that were a touch damper than was usual, but Christopher needn't know about that just yet. Tell the truth, Marianne was a bit embarrassed at how keen she was on him. This was only their second time alone each other's company, after all.

What Marianne didn't quite realize was how hot and bothered Christopher was getting, holding her on the sofa, caressing her waist and her hip and the outside of her thigh, letting this girl kiss the daylights out of him. Making sure he was on his best behaviour, he made sure his wandering hand never reached as far as the hem of her light summer dress, because the temptation not to let it travel back up underneath he fabric would be too much for him. Taking a deep breath he pulled away and rearranged his shirt a little. As was his habit when at home and not going anywhere, he hadn't tucked his shirt in his slacks, and right now he was most grateful for that. It wouldn't do to let Marianne quite see the state of him now.

"Right, so you enjoy your drink. Look around if you like or just relax, so long as you're comfortable here. I'll go fix dinner. Shouldn't take more than 20 minutes." He explained and gave her one more peck on the cheek before he disappeared into the kitchen. Brandon thanked the stars he'd picked a relatively simple dinner that relied more on the preps than the final cooking of it: right now his head was nowhere near the right place to focus on doing fancy things with a knife or working out complicated timings. However, he really should try and cool it a bit now. She was so lovely and the mutual attraction felt so very good and the more he felt that, the more he wanted to build this thing on a solid base.

"Can I come and watch?" he heard her ask at the door.

"And give all my secrets away?" he replied jokingly, only taking his eyes off the fish on the pan for a fraction of a second. It was all coming together nicely.

"I didn't even ask if there was anything you can't or don't want to eat, I just picked a dish – hope you're ok with fish?"

"Lovely!" Marianne replied. She wasn't a fussy eater.

"Just occurred to me later that you could have been allergic or something."

"It's ok, I've no known allergies and I like most foods. Well maybe not liver so much," Marianne said as she pulled herself a chair by the table.

"Oh no…" he said, looking mortified.

"What's wrong?"

"That's the main course…" he deadpanned, holding it together until he saw Marianne almost pale at the faux pas. He didn't have the heart to let her get as far as try to apologise, and he laughed.

"Only joking, my dear," he said. Marianne stuck her tongue out at him as his reward for pulling her leg like that.

"You had e going there, you know! That was horrid! I thought I'd ruined everything!" she reprimanded him but with no real bite to her protests.

Brandon, still chuckling, lifted the fish off the pan into an oven dish and proceeded with his lemon and butter jus that was made in the pan that just had the fish in it. Pasta was soon done and almost by miracle his timings were going fine regardless of Marianne being there, looking at him, teasing him and making him secretly hope that this, whatever it was, would lead to her being in his kitchen, chatting and joking, many times over.

Marianne loved the dinner. The fish was beautiful and fresh and aromatic and the linguine in lemon and butter jus immediately became her new favourite. A nice white wine to go with it all and never mind the company! She was in heaven for sure! Still, she couldn't help her curiosity while they were eating. There was so little she knew about this man, but it was hard to know how to ask about things. It must have been written all over her face, because Christopher opened the topic for her.

"You look like you'd like to ask something," he encouraged her. She looked at him with mild surprise. He didn't miss a thing, did he?

"Well… yes, I suppose I do…"

"Just ask, Marianne – anything that concerns you," he encouraged her. Marianne put her hand on top of his on the table.

"It's not a concern. Honest. In so many ways I already feel I know you. How you are. But I just know so little about you," she explained. He tilted his head waiting for her to continue. He thought she might have a worry, still, about his age or their different positions or that Johnny even. What was there to know about him, though?"

"Elinor's so loyal to you she only tells me you're a very private man. And I can see that too. But, well, I guess I'm just curious about your history, your story. How long have you lived here? Do you have family? Where do you go on holidays? What do you do for fun? That sort of thing."

"And I want to learn more – everything – about you too, Marianne. This is a perfect opportunity for us and I hope we can continue the learning process even beyond tonight." Brandon replied, smiling at her, taking hold of her hand on the table. Marianne smiled back at him. Why had she felt like asking him about himself would be an intrusion? Wasn't the whole point of dating to get to know the other person?

"I've had this house for maybe ten years now. Did Elinor tell you about how I got it?" Brandon started. Marianne nodded.

"I've lived here alone from the start. Well, I've lived alone most of my adult life. I did…" and here he hesitated a little. Was it appropriate to bring up past relationships? He decided then it all needed to come out sooner or later.

"I did live with someone for a short while ages and ages ago, when I was in my twenties, but that didn't last. This may sound like a load of bull, but I there hasn't really been anyone since then. I mean, I've met people and gone out with them and so forth in the past, but it's never come to very much. Which is probably why I'm struck sideways with you, Marianne. To be near you is so very different from anything I've known before." Brandon was talking very quietly now, with concern in his eyes. Was he revealing too much? Was he going to scare her away now?

For a moment Marianne said nothing. She did want to know about his past also in terms of possibly failed relationships and all that, but she hadn't expected him to make such a full declaration. And she found that she adored him for it. He didn't play games, this dating of theirs was not a "let's see, maybe I end up liking you or maybe I don't" kind of a thing – they were both in it with an eye to have a real go of it.

"Wow," was all that she could whisper, though. What do you say to that. She had no words so she got out of her chair, noticed Christopher looking rather baffled, and even more so when she walked around the table to where he was sitting. Then she leaned down and planted a soft, caring kiss on his surprised lips.

"You've knocked me sideways, too," she said, continuing: "I'm not going to pretend otherwise but I meant what I said about feeling like I know you already. I feel like I really want to be with you and get to know you more as we go on."

"You're remarkable," was all Christopher was able to comment on that, and with that Marianne gave him another kiss and returned to her seat before things would get out of hand again. Enough of this heavy stuff, for now. He'd tell her more some time.

They finished the dinner and Marianne helped Christopher, despite his protests, clear the table and put everything away in the dishwasher. Brandon then made some coffee for them and dessert was taken into the front room. The conversation was light and they laughed a lot. Brandon was amazed at how she matched his sense of humour. It had been described somewhat off-colour, after all. And as soon as the tasty strawberry tart was gone, they both seemed to become preoccupied with other delights their lips might enjoy.

While not drunk, the wine and other drinks consumed over the course of the evening had done their job lowering their inhibitions and it did not take long for Christopher Brandon to think he had certainly landed in heaven when he had his arms full of Marianne, curvy and soft in all the right places. Her mouth was on his as eagerly as his was on hers and the kisses and their roaming hands were getting more and more courageous by the moment.

Somehow Marianne shifted onto his lap, one hand in his hair, the other caressing his chest. His arms were around her, one hand also in her hair while the other rubbed circles over her hip, over her buttock and over her thigh. When she moved a little more she rubbed against his erection. The erection he'd been trying to ignore but could possibly not hold back. He moaned at the contact and as they pulled away from the kiss for a moment he knew that she had to have felt his bulge, too.

"I'm sorry…" he started, but she interrupted him.

"Shh…" and she kissed him again, and even moved slightly against him again. His breath hitched and the hand on her hip gripped her firmly.

"Gods you're so lovely… I'm sorry if I seem too eager… It's just that this is heavenly and it's been a long time…" he muttered between kisses.

Marianne was breathing rather heavily, too. She was beyond excited and very much welcomed any and all attention his was prepared to bestow upon her.

"It doesn't really look like we're taking our time over this, does it?" she then giggled as they gave their lips a little rest and simply nuzzled against each other, forehead to forehead, nose to nose, sometimes cheek to cheek. He responded with a warm laugh of his own.

"No, certainly doesn't. But whatever our pace has been, I cannot help but feel so very close to you and so very, very drawn to you. What are you doing to me woman?"

"I'm sitting in your lap making out with you," she explained with more laughter.

"Ah, yes. Making out like a pair of teenagers."

"We don't have to leave it here…" Marianne then decided to be brave and suggest the obvious.

Brandon's arms circled her now entirely and pulled her so close to him she felt she was wrapped entirely in the glorious warmth and safety that was Christopher Brandon. He sighed then, a strange mixture of contentedness and some sort of a return to reality.

"I know, darling, I know… but would you think very ill of me if I told you I'd never forgive myself if I allowed us to go any further tonight?" he spoke in a quiet tone against her neck, still planting small kisses on her skin. Marianne hugged him back.

"Is it something…"

"Darling, no, no, it's not you, I promise!" he hurried to stop her from thinking ill of herself.

"I don't know how to explain it after our 'taking things slowly' has not been any slower than this, but I just would like to leave that decision until a little later. For both of us. God knows you are heaven itself, Marianne, but I wish for us to enter that part of this relationship with consideration and certainty." Brandon was caressing her back, his hand still drew circles over her bum and she could still feel his hard member against her hip and he still occasionally moved his own hips to grind his hardness against her. She was so turned on it was almost ridiculous, but she could also hear his words and they resonated in her with warmth. He really did not want to rush into things.

"Tonight I am experiencing the heady heights of seeing you after days away. I want you to have more time to think about this. I… I suppose what I'm trying to say that for me the next step is a very serious declaration. One that I hope you, too, will want to make…" and he wasn't able to say anything more, as his mouth was once again covered by hers. She then pulled away a little again.

"When you're growing up you're always told to wait until you're really ready and to do it with someone you really care about. I have a feeling both of those things are there for us. I can't believe how fast I'm falling for you and as much as you turn me on…" she said, grinding her hip against him just one more time, "…I have to agree with you and maybe not quite sit in your lap now unless you want me to spontaneously combust. I think I should be asking you that question!" Marianne smiled at him and yet another small kiss was exchanged.

"What question?"

"What are you doing to me, mister?" And that made Christopher Brandon laugh, too. Heartily.