Triangle Chapter 14

Hello everyone! I'm back! xD Well, after nearly a month without an update, I thought that the least I could do is give you all a longer than normal chapter :3 I hope you all like it and please forgive me if it's crap, I did most of this at college on a friend's laptop since I find it hard to write at home ;A; for the LaviYuu fans, you'll be -hopefully- liking the end of the chapter as I included some there :D also, I think I said there'd be smexers this chappie... well, there isn't -shot- but that's because I got to 7500 words and then realised that if I included the sex this chapter then it would have either made the chapter far too long, or would have been rushed and terribly written. So I think it'll be early next chapter :) hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own DGM. If I did, then there would never be a lack of naked.

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"So? What's so important that you need to get us down here so early in the morning?"

"Kanda-kun, it's already 11am…"

"Che, that's early on a day off."

"I thought you weren't a big sleeper, Kanda?"

"Oh, he is; you should hear him snore."

"Quiet, Moyashi-chan, I don't snore."

"Right, sure you don't. It was something else keeping me awake all night then, was it?"

"What?! You two slept in the same room?"

"You've got a problem with that, Komui?"

Despite only arriving in the paper-littered office a few minutes prior, Kanda had already managed to turn the conversation into an argument that was sure to turn nasty shortly if someone, probably Lenalee, didn't stop it quickly. The Japanese man resented the fact that his first chance at being with Allen completely uninterrupted had, in fact, been interrupted, and he was making it clear as day how he felt currently. Even though he constantly received glances and almost inaudible sighs from the Supervisor, he insisted on holding hands with the shorter British exorcist just to show the Chinese man that he was serious and that no amount of tutting or raising of eyebrows would make him hide his unexpected affection for Allen.

"No, not really," Komui said, leaning back in his chair and pushing his glasses higher up his nose for the hundredth time that morning, "It just came as a bit of a shock."

"Why's that?" Allen piped up; he had, until just now, been trying to coax his lover into releasing his hand from his grip so as to save himself from a certain impending blush that stained his pale cheeks a darker crimson with every motion of discomfort that was aimed his way. Now, however, he had at last given up and accepted the contact with a squeeze of his own digits, "Why's it so shocking, Komui-san?"

Komui clicked his tongue in mild annoyance at the white haired boy, wondering if he really was as dense as he had just come across to be, "For several reasons, Allen-kun," he said in a level tone, "the main one being that you are both male, if you want me to be blunt," Allen went deeper red at this, "and also because you are the most unlikely couple I've ever come across."

Lenalee tucked her legs underneath herself and sat on them comfortably, sinking down a little further into the deep red sofa that she had occupied just a little earlier; after she had tried to make a speedy escape from Allen's room and failed quite dramatically, she had been scooped up in Kanda's arms after he and Allen had gotten dressed hurriedly, only to find herself being carried downstairs at a quick pace while the British boy who'd accompanied them chatting to her in a overly-enthusiastic manner, asking her how the duet with Miranda had gone the night before since he had regrettably missed it. The female exorcist had known then, without any conformation, what had gone on between her two friends, and the very small fangirl part of her brain had been awakened instantly. Now, as she noticed the not-intentionally-discreet hand-holding between the couple, Lenalee couldn't help but imagine what they would look like if they kissed.

'No!' The Chinese exorcist told herself firmly, trying to drag her eyes away from her friend's entwined hands but abandoning the task when it proved impossible, 'This is absolutely not the time to be fantasising about Allen-kun and Kanda's relationship! We're here to discuss a very serious topic! God Nii-san, stop fighting with Kanda and get on with it – just get this over and done with.'

"Che. So what if you think it's strange?" Kanda challenged, flicking his bangs out of his eyes in one swift motion of his head, "I'll admit, it does seem unthinkable, but if you only knew how long I've… and how much I… then you so wouldn't think…" Kanda's customary scowl grew darker and his fingers twitched in Allen's hand, which the younger boy took as a sign to comfort the angry exorcist.

"Shush, Kanda," he said quietly, rubbing his thumb in small circular patterns on the back of the taller man's hand, "you don't need to explain it to anyone, alright? I shouldn't have asked Komui-san why he thought it was surprising."

Komui leaned forwards and rested his folded arms on his desk, looking at the two before him, "Don't get me wrong, Kanda-kun," he said, "I don't believe that there's anything wrong with you two being together, because I actually think – thought, that it would be a good thing for you to find someone you love. It's just a little surprising, given that the two of you always used to fight so much."

"Che."

"Not much has changed there really," Allen said with a little smile, glancing up at Kanda to see if he showed any signs of agreeing, which he did; a slight twitch in the corner of his mouth was enough to signify that he both agreed and found it amusing at the same time. "We still end up bickering quite often. But I think it might be a little too early to say if we're going to continue like this for as long as we're together."

Kanda allowed himself to look at his lover at last after refusing to meet his eyes in fear of doing something out of character in the company of other people, only to find Allen beaming up at him, not a trace of a shy blush lingering on his cheeks any longer. Like a warm wave washing over him all of a sudden, the Japanese man felt a rush of immense and intense love for the boy who stood beside him, basically declaring that he wanted to be with Kanda for a very long time. "How could I have ever pretended that I despise your very existence, Moyashi-chan…" he whispered, his voice barely audible as he let go of Allen's hand and wrapped his arm around the other exorcist's waist slowly, earning an adorable little squeak of surprise as he did so.

"T-that's a little bit random, isn't it Kanda?" The blush was back again, engulfing his features in its pink warmth, "that's not like you at all to suddenly say that, and in front of others." The uncharacteristic behaviour was back again, but it wasn't enough to make either of the teenagers worry; they both blamed it on the situation, although neither knew why.

"Che, like I care what these two think," he said, brushing his free fingers across Allen's right cheek gently and tugging him a little closer to his body, "no offence, Lenalee," he said with a small smile to the Chinese girl behind him; Lenalee, unable to remind herself that she shouldn't given what her brother was going to announce any minute now, grinned at Kanda and gave him a quick thumbs-up sign to show that she approved of them acting so lovely in front of her.

"Honestly, BaKanda," Allen sighed in mock agitation, blowing a couple of stray strands of hair upwards as he did, "your sudden and random mood changes are kind of difficult to deal with. You were angry with Komui a second ago and now you're like this."

"So in return you insult me."

"But of course."

"Well sorry."

"You don't sound sorry…"

Kanda drew him still closer until their bodies were touching and the dark haired man could feel the boy's heart beating faster than usual against his chest, "Want me to prove it, then?" He asked almost silently, catching Komui's expression out of the corner of his eye – the scientist hadn't heard what he'd said.

Komui's heart bled for the couple as he watched Allen shyly wind his arms up around the back of Kanda's neck and hold onto him tightly while still keeping his face a safe distance away; was it necessary to tell them both about Kanda's nearing death? And if he couldn't get out of keeping that a secret, then was it vital to tell them why he was dying? Seeing them together now, clearly in love, filled Komui with numerous doubts about his previously solid resolve – surely telling them that he was positive it was Allen who was killing the man would only make their almost-certainly short time together one full of misery? No; it wasn't necessary to tell them that detail just yet, because if he did, then what would they do? There was nothing they could do – it's not like they could just stop caring for each other simply because their Supervisor thought Allen was bringing about Kanda's end. And then there was Lavi. Komui's brow furrowed as he remembered the redhead – if he really was in love with Kanda as well, then surely his feelings must have some affect on the samurai as well? The scientist inwardly cursed as he felt angered at forgetting Lavi until this point.

Making up his mind after his short internal struggle, Komui cleared his throat loudly and addressed the taller of the cuddling exorcists, "Kanda-kun," he said loudly, "if you would be so kind as to let go of Allen-kun for just a moment, then I'll tell you why I called you here." Kanda glared at the man briefly, seemingly incapable of letting go of his love even though he had just been told to. He was made to though as Allen let go first and stood patiently, waiting for the man to remove his hands from his body – Komui couldn't figure out why, but the white haired boy didn't say anything to speed up the process and instead just waited, blinking every now and then. Quickly, he went up on his toes and kissed the taller man on the lips very lightly when he eventually released him as if to say 'well done' or 'thank you' to him; Kanda's eyes flickered in Komui's direction before he allowed himself to smile just a little as Lenalee gasped quietly from behind them.

"Well?" Kanda asked shortly, acting as if no kiss had taken place, "why'd you have your poor crippled sister walk all the way up to Moyashi-chan's room and drag us down here? It better be important."

'Oh it is, Kanda-kun,' Komui thought sadly, studying the man's face and finding no actual signs of annoyance despite his tone and choice of words, 'but it's not for you to know right now. You'll probably get angry at this cover-up, but it's for the best. For now, at least.' Smiling brightly and putting on his happiest voice, the scientist announced brightly, "Sure is, Kanda-kun! I want the two of you to go find Miranda-san and congratulate her on her exceptional performance last night! I take it you heard her solo after the duet with my lovely Lenalee?" The look of poorly covered up ignorance on Allen's young face was enough to confirm that neither had actually been there when the German exorcist had beautifully sung a sad song of longing for someone else (Lavi had burst into tears at his friend's choice of song and cried on Lenalee's shoulder, much to her brother's disapproval when he found out later on). Stifling a sigh of mild annoyance, Komui over-looked the boy's expression and went on to direct his speech at Kanda again, "Miranda-san did her best and deserves some kind words from the two of you, don't you agree?"

"Sure," the man agreed, playing along brilliantly and pretending to know exactly what his Supervisor was talking about, "she did good, considering how nervous she was."

Komui wasn't fooled. Pushing his glasses up to the bridge of his nose with his index finger, he smiled sweetly at the exorcist, "Did you like the song, Kanda-kun?"

"What?"

"The song that Miranda-san sang."

Kanda's now narrowed eyes flickered to Allen's wide silver ones quickly, looking for an answer that the British boy couldn't provide. Damn Komui for being too smart. "It was… alright."

Komui lifted an eyebrow; for now, at least, he could afford to tease the samurai as much as possible before he got murdered for pushing him too far, and he wasn't going to let the chance slip by. After this meeting, there would probably be little time for laughter. His eyes catching Lenalee's for a second, Komui suddenly understood a flaw in his plan – what if someone else told Kanda the truth? He didn't want the man to hear it from anyone but him, because he was the only one who knew of the situation in full and stood a chance at explaining to him properly. Also, thinking about it now, maybe it wasn't the best idea in the world to have Allen there as well – for all he knew, Kanda might not want the boy to know his condition, and Komui had no intention of going against the swordsman's wishes. But, there was no one else who knew, the scientist reminded himself calmly – the only other person who knew was Lenalee, and she wouldn't say a word if told not to. The worry of having Lavi blab something stupid was easily allowed to slip out of the man's mind as he remembered that the redhead had left long before any conclusion had been reached between the siblings. Everything was ok and in order.

"Alright?" Komui said a little too loudly, making the three exorcists jump slightly, "Kanda-kun, it was brilliant, not alright! Name the song."

"You want me to what?"

"Name it! Surely you can do that, right?"

"Che, I don't see why I have to-"

Allen hastily grabbed the dark haired man's hand in his own, tugging it a little more urgently than necessary as he knew what was going to ensue – another argument. "Let's go see Miranda-san, then," he said brightly, grinning at his love when he received an angry scowl from him, "come on, I bet she'll be really happy when she sees us!"

"But I-"

"Now."

Neither of the Lee siblings could believe it when Kanda fell silent at the single worded command from the shorter boy and allowed his shoulders to relax, signifying that he was going to comply and leave without furthering the potential argument. This was the first time that either of them had ever seen anything that even came close to Kanda giving in to someone other than Tiedoll, and that only happened on a rare occasion, usually when he was in no physical state to fight back.

Kanda che'd quietly, taking Allen's hand into his properly and gripping it back before letting the boy wave goodbye apologetically to the scientist and lead him out of the room at a fast pace, only talking in a hushed tone when they reached the door.

Watching them leave in silence, Lenalee turned her attention back to her brother and folded her arms, preparing herself for a little Q&A time. That had been so unlike him – usually, Komui would have just told it to the samurai straight and had it over and done with, rather than drawing out the process of telling him the truth of what was happening. Not that the Chinese girl doubted Kanda already had his suspicions, because surely he could feel his own body slowly giving up? There had to be some physical changes, maybe even mental ones too, that the man could feel taking place as the Lotus flower died along with him.

"Nii-san," she said, addressing her brother in a firm voice and making him jump slightly as he stopped watching the doorway, "Why didn't you tell Kanda the truth? What was the point in bringing them down here if only to send them up to Miranda-san's room? You do know that Lavi-kun will be there; there's going to be hell if those three meet up."

Komui looked at her through his glasses for a long moment, something that he usually only did when he was trying to be taken seriously, or when he had something important to say. Slowly, as if he was trying to think of each individual word carefully before he spoke it, he replied, "There's a good reason for that, Lenalee. Yes, I made the mistake of bringing them down here when they were happily together, as you put it," Lenalee somehow managed to avoid blushing as she tried to visualise that, "but I really did intend to tell them everything. But, when I saw them together and happy, I just couldn't; I don't know what hit me, but it hit hard. They looked so happy together, and even though Kanda-kun didn't do anything to suggest he was in a particularly good mood, I could tell – that's probably one of the times where he's been the happiest."

"But then if you knew they were happy," his sister interjected, "why did you send them straight to Lavi-kun? You should know that things between Kanda and Lavi-kun are pretty tense, so why?"

Komui sniffed indignantly, "because I didn't think Lavi would go to Miranda-san. He said he wouldn't, so I didn't think he would. I know, alright, I didn't think properly!"

"That's true," Lenalee sighed, "of course he'd go straight there, despite what he says." She shuffled in her seat again, readjusting her legs now so that she was no longer sitting on them, but instead let them hang over the edge of the sofa. They were straying off the point and a part of her knew that her brother was doing it on purpose; he didn't want to talk about the matter right now, and it was obvious. "Nii-san," she began again in a tentative voice, "that's not really what's bothering me right now. I still think that you should have told Kanda, because now you're just going to put it off until its too late, or until he finds out for himself – wouldn't it be better if he heard it from you rather than finding out on his own? Because no matter how tough his front appears, he'll still want some kind of consoling from you, the one person who stands a chance at making it better for him."

"But I can't change what's happening," Komui began, but his sister stopped him.

"I know. And so does he," she said firmly but rather quietly; the tone of voice that she chose seemed to be most effective on the scientist as he fell silent and sat with his chin in the palm of his hands, listening intently, "but it's just a mental state that all people take on. They turn to the one person who seems most likely to be able to cure their problem and they cling to them. Kanda will be no different, if you ask me."

The supervisor sat in silence, regarding the female exorcist before him as he thought about what she had said. Yes, there was a certain truth behind her words; is was entirely possible that the Japanese man would constantly seek help, even if he denied it fiercely and pretended not to care. Because that was the kind of person he was deep down, and it showed when he was around Allen more than any other time; that boy really did bring out the best in his lover.

"Again, Lenalee, you are right," he said with a weary sigh; he really did just want to drop down and go to sleep where he was, "and I'm sorry. The next time I see Kanda-kun I'll tell him what's going on, because this really isn't fair on him. And, if he wishes me to, then I'll tell Allen-kun as well." The man paused to inhale deeply, and as he exhaled he felt his will to continue slip out of his body along with the used air. He had messed up big time now for sure now; all he had had to do was sit down the pair of exorcists and tell them the truth about what was happening to the older of the two, but no, it had proved too difficult for him at the last minute. The scientist laid his forehead in his hands and closed his eyes, wishing that he had done things differently with all his might. All he was doing now was prolonging the wait before Kanda knew the truth about himself – also, there was still the problem of the Lotus that was sitting in front of him on the desk. He'd have to return that before it's owner found it missing. "I'm sorry for not telling him," he said in a small voice that begged to be comforted.

Lenalee slipped off the sofa and slowly stumbled over to stand beside her older brother, rubbing his left shoulder in small, slow circles to show him that she was there for him and she could look after him. "Don't worry about it," she said softly, accepting the hand that came to lay on top of hers, "you still have time to tell him, Nii-san. He's not going to die just yet, and this way you might have time to find a way to save him," she stopped to look at Komui's expression, which wasn't radiating positivism, "right, Nii-san?" she said, trying to persuade an answer out of him.

"I… don't think there's any way that I can help him," he said at length, trying to voice what he was thinking precisely, "because we've looked into it before. That Om seal that's on his chest, you've seen it – that's linked to this flower as well, and it's the source of his rapid healing. There's no way to separate him from that, and so there's no way to separate him from the Lotus. I asked him about it when he first joined the Order all those years ago, and that's what he told me. We've investigated it since then as well, but…" he trailed off, unable to finish his sentence, but the Chinese girl knew what he meant.

"What about Allen-kun?" the girl asked quietly, not quite meeting the supervisor's gaze when he looked up at her, "if what we think about him is right, then maybe he can stop this from happening..?"

"No," the man said firmly, at last abandoning his remorseful tone, "we can't ask that of him, I'm afraid. We can't ask him to stop loving Kanda-kun, it would be an impossible request and he would hate himself for not being able to save him." Lenalee swallowed hard and looked embarrassed at suggesting such a thing. "I'm sorry," Komui apologised, "but it's not possible. And we don't know if that is the cause, but I'm pretty convinced now."

The exorcist sniffed slightly and leant down, resting her head on her brother's shoulder with a light konk. This really was almost as bad as things could get around now, the only thing that would top this would be if Allen and Lavi both died alongside and then the Earl attacked at the same time. Lenalee didn't want to even think about that kind of situation.

"We can't lose another exorcist," she said into the white material on Komui's shoulder, "not after losing Suman so tragically, and also Daisya, and everyone else… and we can't afford to lose someone as good as Kanda," she suppressed a weak sob as she tried to imagine such a possibility, "and even though he's not the nicest of people he's still a good guy, and he's making Allen-kun so happy. You should have heard Allen-kun talk about him before they got together! Even though he didn't fully understand the depth of his feelings then, he spoke about Kanda so lovingly, and his words were so true and honest. We can't let that be taken away from him… and likewise from Kanda himself. This is the first time he's ever actually seemed to like anyone aside from maybe me." There was some truth in that – the only person that Kanda seemed to avoid bitching about was Lenalee, and he was quite civil around her as well most of the time. It had seemed, before Allen, that she was the only one with any degree of control over him.

"If I can prevent it, then I will do everything in my power to save Kanda-kun," Komui said, his voice firm and strong, definite and certain about every one of his words. He would not let anyone else die, especially not due to circumstances as pitiful and difficult as this. Death by flower: it sounded almost laughable. "Even though we can't think of anything right now, if I leave this to Reever and maybe Johnny, then we might be able to come up with something that can at least slow down his death."

Lenalee put her arms around the scientist's shoulders properly now and allowed him to hug her back, finally wanting the warm bodily contact. "I hope so, Nii-san," she said in a small voice, "because we can't let him die. Make sure to either find a solution or tell him as soon as possible. I don't think it's a good idea to let him hear it from another source."

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Lavi held onto his new best friend as tightly as he could without causing her damage, fighting back the sobs that would surely take over his body should he let go of her.

He had known it was rude, had comprehended that the last thing that Miranda Lotto wanted was to be woken up by a teary eyed redhead who was demanding hugs as comfort, and had understood that it was entirely selfish to ask her to look after him, even though he needed it. But, being the incredible woman that she was, Miranda had allowed her friend to do what he wanted and had held him tight, telling him that everything was ok even though she had no idea why he was there and upset. He was currently sitting on the floor beside the German woman's bed and was stretching up to hug her while she was still half-lying, half-sitting up on the mattress, not caring that the position was awkward or that his back was aching from being in such a twisted way. All he cared about was holding onto the woman.

"Lavi," she said gently at long last, not letting go of him and also not letting him move away from her by tightening her grip around the back of his neck, "as lovely as this is, and as much as I enjoy hugging you in strange ways, I would quite like to know the reason why you're so distressed and miserable. Could it have something to do with…" she was unsure whether or not to mention the samurai's name, in case it upset the apprentice Bookman further. Deciding that she could deal with any consequence that might arise fairly well and actually feeling confident in her abilities for a change, she went for it, "…Kanda-san?"

Lavi twitched violently at the mention of the man's name and Miranda felt it clearly in her arms. Loosening her grip just a little so that Lavi could leave if he so wished, the exorcist stayed still and waited for her friend's reaction, knowing that it could be anything, ranging from crying to shouting to laughing to more intense misery. Slowly, almost shyly, the redhead nodded his head against Miranda's collarbone, sniffing heavily and willing himself not to cry.

"Yuu is…" he started, but couldn't finish his sentence; a fat tear rolled down his left cheek as he went over it again in his mind. Kanda was dying, but seemed blissfully unaware of the fact. He was dying because of a Lotus flower- no, that wasn't right. He was dying because of Allen Walker. Allen, the boy who Lavi regarded as some kind of younger brother, was killing the one person that he loved, the one person who had invaded his closed heart and fake personality, and had made him feel. No Bookman was meant to feel anything for anyone because they were just pawns in the making of history, Lavi knew and recognised that, but this time round… no one in the Order could be seen just as ink scratched onto a page, especially not the exorcists he worked with, and, out of those few, especially not Kanda Yuu. He was so different from the others in the way he made the redhead's heart pound and ache whenever he saw him, talked to him, or thought of him. It just wasn't natural for him to feel such things, but, even now, Lavi accepted them fully. Never once questioned them.

But now, he was dying, going, leaving him. Lavi smiled wryly; no, it wasn't like Kanda had ever belonged to him in the first place, so he wasn't really losing anything at all, in truth.

Only a piece of his soul, so it seemed.

"Yuu is, what?" Miranda continued after waiting for Lavi to finish his sentence, "What's Kanda-san done? Has he done something to hurt you again, Lavi? Because if he has, then you might need to have a word with him to make him stop this-"

"He's not done anything wrong to me."

"Well that's good, then. So what is it? Oh, actually, if you don't want to tell me, then that's perfectly fine with me, you don't have to say anything, I'll understand just fine, so…"

Miranda blushed at her stupidness and buried her face into the dark red hair just below her chin, now thankful that Lavi was sitting on the floor. Of course, he couldn't see the blush so hiding it was a little bit pointless, but it made the German woman feel better all the same.

Lavi didn't respond when he suddenly found Miranda's face in his hair, but instead replied as if nothing had changed. "I do want to tell you, Miranda," he said truthfully in a voice that wavered as if he was still suppressing tears, even though one had already broken free and gone travelling on it's own, "but I don't know if I should, because it's a bit personal to Yuu, and he doesn't know yet…"

Miranda's curiosity sky-rocketed at that. 'Kanda doesn't know? It's something very personal? It's enough to make Lavi be reduced to this kind of state?' Not being much of a gossiper usually, Miranda found this new found feeling of wanting to know every and any detail to be quite a drastic change to her usually meek and passive personality. "It's ok, Lavi," she encouraged, removing herself from the top of his head, "Does Komui-san know?"

"Yeah, he's the one I heard it off. I heard him talking about it to Lenalee."

"To Lenalee?" Miranda found it shocking that the scientist would discuss it with his sister before the person in question, no matter how much he adored the girl. How could he do something like that? Wasn't that a little insensitive to Kanda? However, she decided not to make a big deal out of what she thought because, through some absurd reason, she convinced herself that there had been a reason to tell Lenalee first. "So she knows and Kanda-san doesn't?"

"As far as I know, yeah."

"Then, if she knows, we will probably be told as well," the female exorcist reasoned, "because if one exorcist knows something about another, then everyone else should- hang on, Lavi, my back's hurting now. Could you let go, do you think?"

Apologising profusely and releasing his friend at once, Lavi stood up quickly and dusted himself off, slightly embarrassed at being the cause of Miranda's discomfort. She patted the space beside her on the bed after she'd sat up, indicating for the apprentice Bookman to sit beside her there, which he did, making the bed creak a little – it was old, afterall, so it was no wonder it did.

"Sorry Miranda, I didn't realise how long we'd been like that," he stuttered out, "want me to rub it better for you?"

"Ah," Miranda blushed light pink, "if you would like to, then yes. But please, don't feel obliged to do anything." Soon after saying that though, she felt long strong fingers trail up her back, probing the kin beneath them every now and then, before coming to a stop in between her shoulder blades. As she sat quietly, Lavi slowly started putting pressure on the area gently, rubbing and pressing at the same time, loosening up the muscles in one light motion.

"Is it hurting here?"

"Y-Yes, that's it." The blush deepened; never before, as far as she could remember, had Miranda been given a massage to make her feel better. It felt so lovely and wonderful.

"Tell me when it stops hurting, ok?"

"Alright."

Gradually, Miranda allowed herself to calm down and just let her friend work on her cramped muscles, working out the tight feeling within them with almost expert hands. Vaguely, as she felt herself growing sleepy at the man's skilful touch, the German woman wondered if Lavi had ever wanted to do this, or receive this, from Kanda. Was this how he wanted to touch him, with those sure and strong digits that seemed to literally pull the pain from out of her and make it vanish into thin air? Or was this what he wanted from the other man? Miranda didn't know at all, and shook her head to get rid of such impure thoughts – Lavi was doing this so that she could feel better, not for any other reason! She could have hit herself for thinking, even for a millisecond, that it could have been anything else, or could have had a hidden deeper meaning. Nothing was happening, or ever would happen, between them, in that respect. It was a no-go zone, she had made sure of that.

A thumb that pushed into her pyjama-covered back went just that little bit too far and made the female exorcist gasp in shock more than pain, although it did hurt slightly; Lavi stopped what he was doing straight away, holding his hands back away from her body as if she was red-hot. "Ah, sorry," he said quickly as she turned her head to look at him properly, "did that hurt you? I was trying to be gentle, but... y'know, started thinking about stuff and then just kinda... got into a rhythm and didn't really pay much attention and stuff, so..."

Miranda shook her head quickly, sending her unbrushed hair flying around her face, whipping her cheeks as she did. "No, no," she said, trying to show that she was all right, "I'm fine, really, it just surprised me. I was thinking about things too, so it just woke me up a little. Don't worry," she added with a smile, "I'm fine! Please Lavi, don't look at me like that, you're making me feel bad."

Lavi had an expression on his face that was now closely resembling Allen's pout when he couldn't get one of the many dishes of food that he wanted at dinner time, and he looked several years younger while doing it; Miranda had the sudden desire to sit him on her lap and cuddle him like a child. "You sure?" the redhead said finally, still pouting at her, "because if I just made the pain worse then I'll have to go and, I dunno, get Yuu and-"

He couldn't finish his sentence suddenly, and the cute facial expression was gone in an instant, but the German woman didn't understand why. "Lavi?" She said, surprised by the change in her friend, "What's wrong?" Lavi simply nodded towards the door while he swallowed hard, seemingly unable to speak, and Miranda saw the problem straight away. Kanda and Allen were at the door, watching the pair of friends within the room; Allen looked uncomfortable and looked as though he would dearly love to turn and run away from the place, whereas Kanda was giving Lavi a thoroughly dirty look, like he was some pond scum that the Japanese man had had the misfortune to be assigned to clean up.

"Get Yuu and what, idiot?" he asked, a snarl on his lips, as Allen tugged at his elbow, clearly wanting to leave, "go on, finish what you were saying."

Now was so not the time for Kanda to start on the slightly younger man; Lavi swallowed again and felt the tears that had only recently left his eye begin to return again as he looked at the person he loved with a wide eye. 'This man is dying,' the redhead thought miserably as he looked Kanda up and down, allowing his eye to rove wherever it pleased, taking a good look at what the man was wearing: the black trousers that he had worn the night before at the party, no shoes, no socks, and a zip-up jacket that was too short in the arms for him. No doubt he'd stayed in the boy's room last night. 'And there is nothing I can do about it.'

"I was saying that I should go and get you to beat me or something as punishment," he replied at last, marginally enjoying the look of confusion on the samurai's features now, "because I thought I'd hurt Miranda."

Kanda che'd loudly and wretched his arm free from Allen's grasp, pretending not to hear the whine of protest from the boy as he did so. "You did what?" He asked angrily, looking at Miranda now for signs of injury, "why the fuck would you try and hurt her? You moron."

The redhead flinched at the harsh tone of voice and the insult that accompanied it, hating how Kanda was always so pissed off with him nowadays. Still, it was mostly his own fault, so he didn't really blame him. "No, Yuu-chan, I said I thought I had, not that I tried to."

"Don't fucking call me Yuu-chan."

"Yeah, sorry. But I was giving her a back massage because it hurt, and then I… ah, never mind, that's not really important. Why are you two here anyway?"

Allen stepped away from Kanda and coughed into his hand lightly, clearing his throat before he begin speaking. "Komui-san said that we should come and congratulate Miranda-san on her wonderful solo yesterday," he beamed a wide grin at his German friend, receiving a nervous smile back from her, "and also her solo with Lenalee, who we've already told what we thought of it."

Kanda looked at the shorter boy, frowning still. "We did?"

"Shush."

Miranda giggled at the pair of exorcists, covering her mouth as she did so; despite knowing that Lavi loved Kanda, she couldn't help but think that they were really quite adorable. Knowing that Kanda had, at last, opened up a little to at least one person made him seem a lot more human and closer to being approachable, but the woman doubted that she would be able to hold a normal conversation just yet. Allen, by the looks of it, was well on the way to turning the man into a decent and generally nicer person. Rudeness to Lavi was an exception.

"It's ok, you two," Miranda said, leaning on the apprentice Bookman's shoulder lightly and smiling at the couple sweetly, hoping they wouldn't mind having their secret exposed, "I know that neither of you saw or heard either of my songs. We saw you leave before I even went up on stage."

The reaction that followed was so adorable that the female exorcist almost wanted to hug them both; Kanda's eyes went perfectly round for a brief second before he turned his attention to the floor, ignoring what the woman had said, while Allen went red and stammered out something that no one could comprehend. They had thought that they had slipped away unnoticed by the two people they didn't want seeing them, but had failed. It was all just so convenient.

"Che. Well at least we tried to be nice to you," Kanda tutted, adamantly ignoring Lavi as he tried to catch his eye, "we could have just said that we never heard it and couldn't care less."

"Kanda!" Allen exclaimed loudly, his voice a little higher than usual, "We do care about it! Look, Miranda-san," he looked apologetically at his friend, his vibrant red blush still intact, "we were going to listen, we really were, but there was this thing that I left in my room and Kanda needed it too, so we went back to look for it together and couldn't f-find it so- what are you looking at me like that for, Kanda?"

"No reason," he said simply, looking at his lover through his too-long bangs with a trace of mild amusement; with that one stupidly thought out lie, the samurai was suddenly in a bit of a better mood. "But these two weren't born yesterday, Moyashi-chan, they're not stupid, despite how Lavi may seem," Lavi opened his mouth to protest, but Miranda pinched his back to keep him quiet, "they know you're lying. Don't bother."

"O' course we know he's lying," the redhead said, trying to keep his tone friendly and light but failed, allowing in the poorly covered-up jealousy and disgust, "we know why you left."

"Good."

Lavi blinked at Kanda rapidly, wondering if e had misunderstood, despite it only being one word. Was he admitting to it? "G-Good?" Lavi repeated, feeling his stomach begin to sink lower into his abdomen at an alarmingly fast rate, "you mean, you don't mind us knowing?"

"Che, it's not like I want everyone in the Order to know what we do or don't do," Kanda spat, wanting to get away from the younger man now. He had had enough of him for one day, and this had topped it off. Before the confessions, before the kisses, he had tolerated and been fine with the way that Lavi had followed him around and bothered him almost constantly, because, even though he never showed it and always acted as if he disliked the guy, Kanda had actually considered the redhead to be one of his friends, and that was something coming from him. But now, that was as good as over; looking at him now, the Japanese only felt irritation. "But I don't lie," that was one right there – one of the first things he had said to Allen was that he wouldn't shake hands or be associated with a cursed person, even though he was one himself, "so there's do point doing so here. Just don't go round shouting your mouth off to others; it's not their business, and it's not your either, got that?"

Lavi nodded. "Got it, Yuu."

"And don't say my fucking given name."

Allen took Kanda's hand into his own again before Lavi could answer, lacing their fingers together gently and pressing his fingertips against the back of the man's hand firmly, telling him that he was proud of how he was surprisingly open about their relationship and didn't try to hide it like he had thought he would have done. "Now that they know," he said quietly, looking into the dark eyes that blinked at him, not betraying the surprise the owner felt, "shall we go and get some… breakfast?" He blushed slightly once again; if he continued turning pink and red so often, then those cheeks would permanently stay like a pair of tomatoes, "Jerry might have some party leftovers, so I want to go and have a look, if that's ok."

Kanda didn't smile, but he wanted to. If the idiot and his friend hadn't been there, then he might have considered doing so. "Fine. Let's go then." Nodding briefly at Miranda, who had been silent for some time now, and disregarding Lavi completely, he tugged on the hand in his and made to leave, "ja ne," he said quietly, not sure whether the pair of exorcists had heard him or not but also not caring.

"Oh, Miranda-san," Allen said quickly before they could exit the room, "I l-like your pyjamas," he said, stuttering a little as he realised how stupid he sounded, complimenting her nightwear.

"Thank you," she smiled, feeling Lavi stiffen against her arm for unknown reasons, "see you two after breakfast!" Kanda grunted something about it not really being breakfast since it was so late but was pushed out of the room by his companion before Miranda could ask him what he had said. Turning her attention back to the apprentice Bookman now, she was greeted by an expression that she had not seen on her friend's face. Half frowning, half looking like he was about to burst into tears, Lavi seemed on the verge of several difficult to deal with emotions all at once. "Lavi?" she asked carefully, wondering if she should put her arm around his shoulders or not, "what's the matter? You look dreadful! Are you all right? Is it Kanda-san?"

"Yeah," he said thickly, as if he was fighting down tears now, "it is. Hey, listen Miranda," he shook her off gently, shuffling to the edge of the bed so that he could get off easier, "I need to talk to him on my own. Without Allen listening in on us. Do you think you could keep him in here if I send him back in?"

Miranda bit her lower lip, frowning at the apprentice Bookman slightly now; letting him be alone with the Japanese man would have repercussions, surely. But that poorly hidden look of plea made it difficult for the woman to say 'no'. She reached out and touched the back of his left shoulder, smiling a little. "You won't do anything to annoy him, all right?"

Lavi nodded vigorously, "I'll be good," he said eagerly, "I just need to tell him something, that's all."

"What is it?"

Lavi didn't look her in the eyes, averting his gaze from her pretty face cautiously. He couldn't tell her, not now. It was up to Yuu whether or not she found out. "Just... something." He said weakly, shuffling off the bed and standing up, waiting for his friend to do the same. "C'mon," he instructed, "get the kid back in here quickly, before they get away."

"Allen's not much younger than you, Lavi, so calling him a kid is a bit..." a raising of an eyebrow from the man was enough to stop Miranda's speech, "never mind, let's get him."

Both of the exorcists exited the room quickly, and Miranda hurried on ahead to catch up with the pair as quickly as she could while going barefooted and wearing pyjamas, blushing as she realised how stupid she must look right now. But she still carried on, wanting to do this for her friend, all the while wondering what it could be that Lavi wanted to tell Kanda. 'Could he be over him?' She asked herself as her feet made soft padding sounds on the cold stone floor, 'no, that won't be it, there's no way he could be. So then, what? What else could be so important to him?'

The German woman squeaked in surprise as she walked straight into the back of Kanda, who unexpectedly held her steady by the shoulders to prevent her from falling backwards from the impact. She had not realised that the two of them had been so close to her.

"Che. Watch where you're going next time." The samurai said, his tone not as harsh as it would have been should Miranda have been someone else.

"Ah, sorry Kanda-san," she said, blushing furiously at her stupid mistake, "I wasn't looking where I was going."

"I know."

The blush turned a brighter red as the female exorcist looked straight at Allen's eyes, staring at him as if in doing so she could forget what she'd just done. It wasn't her fault she'd been thinking deeply, or so she told herself. "Allen-kun," she said, her voice surprisingly strong now, taking the boy back a bit, "there's something I need to talk to talk about with you. Can you come back with me to my room?" She coughed into her hand and corrected herself, "please."

The hand that held the British boy's tightened it's grip on the rough skin of the Innocence; Kanda, although he would never admit it, wanted to leave and go back to bed, forgetting all about breakfast or lunch or whatever it was that his younger lover decided to call it. He felt horrific now, but he couldn't understand why he suddenly did or where this feeling of near-collapsing was coming from; his head was hurting and making the room spin, his eyes burned red-hot in his skull, his legs ached and threatened to buckle underneath his weight; the list went on and on. It was a wonder that he had been able to stop Miranda from falling backwards at all when it seemed he would do the same shortly.

"Sure, I don't mind," Allen said, misreading the grip on his hand as one that showed Kanda's possessiveness over him, "but can Kanda come too?"

It was more than obvious that Miranda didn't want the man accompanying them back to the room for a chat. "No," Kanda said, sparing the poor woman an explanation that would surely sound fake and unconvincing, not to mention the fact that he didn't think he could move his legs anymore after standing still, "I'll wait here for you, Moyashi-chan." Allen frowned at him, wanting to know the reason for his change in attitude. Surely he would want to remain with him always, and would think he had the right to listen in on conversations that regarded his lover?

"Fine," Allen said, letting go of the taller exorcist's hand after giving it a quick squeeze, "we won't be long."

As the two of them left him, Kanda felt his strength finally subside into nothingness and he slumped down onto the floor, leaning against the wall of the passageway heavily while rubbing his eyes relentlessly, trying to bring back the vision that had now partially left him. And yet, despite everything that was happening to him, he didn't feel worried – whatever was the matter, the Om seal on his chest was sure to fix it.

"Hey, Yuu-chan."

Kanda glared at the place where the sound had come from, vaguely making out the red hair and uncertain smile that belonged to Lavi, of all people. The Japanese man groaned loudly; why him? Why did that idiot have to be here now, when he was feeling so vulnerable and useless? Not to mention unable to see or move easily. "What the fuck do you want?" He asked in a growl, his voice failing a little, making him sound quieter than he wanted, "I'm not in the mood to talk to you, Usagi."

"Heh, you never are anymore."

Talking was becoming more challenging by the word. "Can't think why."

To his horror, Kanda felt rather than saw Lavi sit down next to him against the wall, keeping his distance while at the same time staying much too close. It had all happened within around a minute – first feeling like shit, then being unable to stand up, then losing vision, and now sitting with an idiot. Fantastic.

"I need to talk to you, Yuu."

"Kanda."

"Kanda, then. There's something that I think you should know now, because if you don't know then it might get worse."

"You're making no sense, moron." He didn't need this. Didn't need this person sitting here and blabbering nonsensical crap while he felt like he was going to kick it any moment. 'Is this what it feels like to die?'

The redhead laughed lightly, obviously faking the sound. "Sorry, sorry." He was trying to lighten the mood, but why he was doing so was beyond the dark-haired exorcist, "I'll try again." He inhaled and refused to look at Kanda, knowing that if he did then he would never be able to say what was on his mind. "This morning, before you woke up, I overheard Komui and Lenalee talking about something... important." Kanda wasn't listening properly anymore; his sight was coming back, and he was more concerned with getting it back fully than listening to what Lavi had eavesdropped in on, "They were discussing you."

"Great," the man said in nearly a whisper; it seemed that by gradually getting his vision back, his voice was leaving him and his arms were beginning to feel heavier, "that's amazing."

"They've found something out about the Lotus in your room and why you're in the state you are now."

That was enough to get his attention back now; his eyes snapped away from the floor and met the apprentice Bookman's single eye in an instant, trying to focus on it with great concentration. "What?" He hissed, "You shouldn't know about that, retard." A pause, then, "what did they say?"

Lavi hesitated, trying to order the facts in his brain neatly so he could recite them perfectly. Was it ok to leave out the part about it being Allen who was killing him? No, it had to be told, even though now, after some thought, Lavi was starting to question whether the boy was the only one involved in the gradual decline of Kanda's health; he had realised soon after getting to Miranda's room that Allen was not the only person who loved the cold-hearted samurai – there was no denying it. If the man was dying because he was loved, then he, Lavi, was to all this too. But, as of yet, nothing had been proved.

"They said that... well, you're dying, basically," the redhead said slowly and firmly, his heart heavy as he saw Kanda's eyes widen in disbelief and confusion, "because... this is gonna sound stupid, but its because you're loved and are loving in return, I guess." The lack of reaction from the exorcist compelled Lavi to keep talking, just to fill the heavy-weighted silence, "so, what Komui said it means is-"

"You're killing me."

The bluntness and lack of emotion in the man's response caught his companion off guard completely; he had imagined that, to some degree, that Kanda would behave like a normal human and become at least a little bit upset by the conformation of his death. "Well, yeah, I guess so," Lavi said uncertainly, "But so's Allen. I'd be more concerned about him if I were you."

Kanda tried to sit up straighter but failed, letting himself lean his elbow on his knee that was parallel with his chest, breathing heavily and wondering if he would survive should his heart decide to pack in. "It's as that old saying goes," he said with some difficulty, "Loved by two leads to the death of the one."

"I've never heard of such a saying before."

"Because you're stupid."

Insulting someone didn't usually lead to a kiss, but this time it did. Without a moment's hesitation or regard for his safety, Lavi had leaned over and pulled Kanda forward slightly, pressing his lips to the other man's with measurable force and longing, suddenly deaf to the growl of protest he received; as he was then, Kanda couldn't push the exorcist of him no matter how much he wanted to. He couldn't even resist when his lips were involuntarily parted by his friend's, letting in the tongue that hungrily searched the inside of his mouth. And, as much as he hated himself for thinking this, he was at least well enough to recognise that Lavi was a brilliant kisser.

"Lavi..."

The Bookman's kiss and slipped from the samurai's mouth and was trailing steadily along his jaw now, relentlessly moving downwards until it found his neck, where it stopped to nip and lick and suck, careful not to cause too much pain.

"You fuckin' know I can't throw you off, you piece of shit," he said, trying to anyway but finding now that he really couldn't move his body more than a centimetre or two, "stop taking advantage."

"No, Yuu," Lavi said into the man's skin, unzipping the jacket to find the dark Om seal contrasting against Kanda's skin, "this is me saying goodbye."

"What?"

"After this, I'll leave you alone. I'll move on, find someone else, and let you live." It hurt to say this, but his mind was made up – if this was the only way to save the person who he held so dearly in his heart, his heart that was meant to feel nothing, then so be it.. "Because if you're right, and if having two people love you equally is what's killing you, then I'll step down. I'll stop. I'm sure I can fall in love with someone else. Because you're happy with Allen and nothing can change that fact." Without warning, he dragged his teeth slowly down the man's body – causing him to inhale quickly – before stopping at the seal and kissing it. "All because of this thing," he murmured, enclosing his teeth on the dark flesh, drawing a bead of blood, "if I could rip it from your body, then my God I would."

"Che. Wouldn't make any difference," Kanda said, feeling the little bite wound heal itself, "it would just grow back. Probably."

And now, as Lavi fell silent and held on tighter, the Japanese man doubted he would push him off even if he did have the strength to, empathising with the feeling of letting go of the one you loved.

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Well, the ending could have been better, but I'm once again ill and writing is taking a lot of effort today :( Questions? Comments? I'd like to hear what you think :D reviews are love!!