Konan's mother brushed her hair, primping and grooming her in an overly decorative extent. The hair needed to look as nice as the dress. Her daughter in general needed to look nice. Her daughter was little princess who was going to become a little queen in just a few days and she needed to make sure her techniques were perfect so that could happen.
To the side watching in amusement was Sasori and his mother. Deidara and his mother there as well with narrowed eyes. As the mothers of son's, this was a new scene for them. They had a inkling as to what they were getting themselves into when they agreed to tag along, but this was ridiculous!
"So it's like... a beauty contest... for babies?" Momma Akasuna spoke up, reaching into a plastic container for an apple slice.
"Yes! The most lovely baby will win a trophy, crown and a lump sum of cash!" Konan's mother gushed as she admired the white dress, "We'll take this one." She then said to the store clerk, deeming the dress on her daughter to be satisfactory for the competition.
"I don't think this is a very good thing to do with children." Deidara's mom mumbled, rotating her son around so he could no longer cut off the circulation in her numbing arm. "Sets a bad example, dontcha you think, eh?"
"It's just for a couple years and I'm giving my daughter confidence! She will own herself and no man will tell her what to do."
"Yeah, but they might get under her skin about her appearance..."
Konan's mother glared at Deidara's. Of course she would think that way! She was a total free spirit, hippy dippy kinda mom. Total lefty. The woman cried for days when it was suggested she stop breastfeeding Deidara. Of course she would have a problem with them.
"You're just jealous you don't have a daughter! Plus what you do have looks like it belongs in a Ghostbusters movie!"
Gasping, Momma Iwa held her son tight, covering his ear from the criticism, "I'll have you know he lost two pounds of his baby fat last week! He may have gained one back, but it's still a work in progress! And my baby is cute!"
Unclasping the dress on her daughter, the mother gave Deidara a side eye, "Jea-lo-sy!"
Sasori and his mother weren't too interested in the argument over how cute their babies were. However that dress hanging up over there? Yes, that white linen with the small purple flowers; that was so cute. So cute, it just made her want a little girl to dress up.
Yes, she wasn't the only one going gaga over the dresses. Sasori was in heaven! He wanted to dress up! He wanted to pick out dresses and put them on Deidara and pick a different one out for Konan. Her mother had just terrible taste if that one was the one she was getting. Way too in-your-face if you ask him! Something more subtle and dainty would look much better.
"Konan that dress is super ugly." Sasori spoke up, leaving his mother to gaze around at the dresses and the other women to natter at one another. "You should wear that dress over there." He said pointing to a different, a couple racks over.
Konan stopped admiring the dress she was wearing and looked at what Sasori was pointing to, "Seriously? Black?"
Sasori nodded, "Of course. Black is very slimming."
She snorted and gestured to Deidara, "Then why isn't Deidara wearing black?"
All three babies focused on what Deidara was wearing. He was clearly not dressed for the occasion as his mother often let him pick out most his own outfits. If he wiggles on up to a onesie, he wore a onesie. If he wanted to wear pants and a sweater of his choice? Then so be it. If he decided to wear leggings and his soft froggy poncho, then he was wearing his froggy poncho today.
Yes, it was frog day by the way.
"Ribbi! Ribbi!"
The three mothers looked at Deidara as he attempted to make frog noises.
"Yes baby boy! Froggy goes ribbit!" His mother gushed. "You're a froggy!"
Sasori snorted, "More like a toad."
"Hmph!"
"Honestly! Your son has no class." Konan's mother groaned, removing the dress from Konan now.
Momma Iwa frowned, "I don't understand, He practically still smells like womb. He's a baby. How can he have class?"
The mothers nattered on and on again getting into another spat. While that was going on, Sasori's mother couldn't just help herself, got up and snagged the dress that she was looking at off the rack and begin putting it on her son.
This was just going to be so cute...
"Ahh! Sasori you're so pretty!"
The rest of the group looked at the small ditzy mother swooning over her precious son in a dress. She wasn't wrong. Sasori did indeed look cute in that dainty little dress. So cute it gave Momma Iwa an idea.
"You go on and on how beautiful your daughter is and how great having one is, I bet you fifty dollars that Sasori could beat Konan in a baby pageant!"
"Make it one hundred, the price of the entry fee, and you're on!"
"Come on Sasori!" Momma Iwa growled, snagging her best friend hand as well as her baby, "We have a pageant to win!"
Sasori's eyes went wide hearing he was entering a beauty contest. He knew he was beautiful, but to go against Konan? That was tough. She was pretty too, plus she could be so mean! Well, that's what Itachi told him at least. He frankly hardly ever spoke to the girl unless she made a great joke about Deidara being terrible.
"Don't worry Danna!" Deidara giggled, reaching for his friend as they were both carried away to another dress rack, "I'm cheering for you all the way."
"I'm not worried."
"I'm here for you, Danna!"
Sasori sighed and gave up as he watched new fancier dresses be pressed against him, "Great. Frog-boy is on my team. Wonderful."
-x-
Getting ready for the pageant was easier than both mothers could have ever thought. They weren't even questioned on Sasori's gender when they walked up to sign him up. Apparently the purple onesie was enough convincing.
"What a lovely baby girl!"
Deidara snickered in his mother's arms making Sasori hiss and squirm bitterly back. Deidara was just jealous he wasn't as beautiful as he was! Konan's mother was right, there was no way that blond would ever be good looking.
"You're going to be a lumpy turd forever..." He hissed under his breath.
Deidara didn't seem to care and enjoyed watching the two mommies take him to the back area where they could primp and prepare Sasori for the pageant.
"It's a good thing Sasori doesn't cry..." His mother said as she attempted to manage her son's unruly red locks. They were so soft and fluffy though, the fact it was so crazy just made him even cuter. "Ugh I love you, Smooshie!"
"Ha! Smooshie! How lame, un!"
Sasori growled angrily at Deidara mocking him. Why did he even have to tag along in the first place? Didn't he have a dad who could watch over him for a couple hours? He wasn't even in the contest!
"I'm sorry sweetie, did I hurt you?" Momma Akasuna asked as she heard her son gurgled and growl.
"No no mother. I'm fine. Just surrounded by idiots."
Putting on Sasori's fancy pageant dress and a floral headband where his fluffy red locks peeped out, both mothers melted at the sight of the baby boy all dressed up.
"Maybe it would be nice to have a daughter..." Momma Akasuna gushed.
Momma Iwa grinned, "Who says you need a daughter? They won't remember this when they're older!"
"Hm, maybe I'll let Sasori have siblings one day..." Momma Akasuna then hummed, fixing his unruly red tufts. "Maybe for his fifth birthday!"
Sasori's eyes went wide. He did not ask for a brother nor a sister! Being forced to hang around Deidara was painful enough. He could just imagine being forced to be with another baby at all times, with all the drooling and the stinking!
"Blucky."
"Hm? What was that, smooshie?"
"Hrnnn."
"Well, let's just hope you're able to keep that birthday promise. We'll never know what will happen in the future..." Momma Iwa sighed.
Sasori gawked, what was going on about his mother not being able to keep a promise? What about the future!?
"Stop being so morbid in front of the babies!" Momma Akasuna pouted, "I'm not dying."
"Dying!?" Sasori gasped, "What's that!"
Deidara shrugged and watched as his friend struggled to get the dress done up, "I don't think this 'dying' thing is your main concern right now..." He then gestured as his mother opened up a blush compact.
Sasori's cheeks were lightly dusted with the blush and his little eyebrows were brushed out in an attempt to make them look less sad shaped. His dark thick eyelashes fluttered as they drew in anyone's gaze towards with light brown eyes. He wore a puffy champagne pageant dress where the outfit was finished with gold flowers on the chest area, glittery off white stockings, gold ballet slippers and topped off with that golden floral crown.
"Sasori..." Deidara gasped, "You look gorgeous! Like a real doll!"
Sasori's mother picked him up and held him in front of the mirror, dancing him side to side letting the ends of the dress bounce about. Deidara was right, he was gorgeous. He did look like a doll.
"Oooh! Who's a happy baby! You're a happy pappy baby!" His mother gushed as she caught Sasori smiling and giggling at his appearance.
"I look so good." Sasori chuckled darkly. "Konan doesn't stand a chance!"
-x-
Baby after baby was either carried by their mother or led along carefully by the finger tips as they waddled across the stage. Each baby wore such sweet little dresses and not a lip in the audience was still as they quivered in delight at the glammed up little babies looking like tiny princesses. Finally the 12-22 age group was up, it was time for the real battle to begin.
"Next! We have little Princess Konan!" The MC called out as he gestured to the entrance side of the stage.
There walking out holding her mothers hand and she walked around with quite a bit of grace for her age was Konan the Professional Princess. Her dress was white, so poofy, so jewel encrusted, and her hair was so well done it brought anyone to shame. Even her little earrings twinkled extra bright!
"What an angel, folks!"
Behind the stage watching, the two other mothers grumbled together nervously, "An angel huh? Well... she is a hairdresser... of course Konan would have beautiful hair."
"Psst, Deidara!" Sasori whispered.
"Psst, Yes Danna?"
"Psst, Do I have beautiful hair?"
"Psst, it's pretty, red, soft and smells good."
"Psst, you're stupid and have bad hair."
"Psst, that's mean and mom said my hair will grow in more later, un."
Konan walked closer to the judges and as her mother extended her hand, her baby gave a little twirl, flashing a sweet little smile. She had done this so many times for so many years that it was a cake walk! Sasori didn't even stand a chance and she knew it! She was the little Princess who was going to get the title of Baby Queen; she knew it!
"Sasori doesn't stand a chance against that!" His mother groaned, fearing for her son. "This was a bad idea!"
"Noooo!"
Both mother looked at Deidara who was sitting on the floor at Sasori's teetering feet. What did they mean his best friend didn't stand a chance against Konan? Did they not see Sasori? He was beautiful! Grabbing onto Sasori's leg, he dragged to boy down with him for a hug weather he wanted to or not.
"That's right Deidara! Sasori can win this!"
"Thank you Princess Konan!" The MC spoke out again into the microphone. "Next up we have little Princess Sasori."
"Ha!"
"Shut up, Brat!" Sasori hissed as his mother swooped him into the air and up onto the stage, away from a mocking blond baby.
There while walking up onto the stage, Sasori took a deep breath. He needed to calm down. He was a dolly. A sweet little perfect dolly... his goal for this new experience was perfection, for yes he was truly was a doll.
Putting her son down on the X, Momma Akasuna led her son slowly as he trotted carefully after her. His movements were rigid yet graceful, steps gentle and with care. The key objective was for the baby to smile, of course Sasori didn't smile. Rather he instead used his blank stare that scared all the other babies, yet managed to captivate the judges; those big doe eyes blinking, his round cheeks, and cupid lips.
"What a doll!" Cried the MC, delighted at the sight of the baby. "Ain't she precious folks?"
A doll huh?
Leading her son with even more grace, after that confidence boost he got, she led him like a puppet on strings. It was mesmerizing to watch. Sasori was a natural at this beauty stuff, that's for sure. All this time spent playing with dollies was really paying off!
"Oooh! Go Sasori!" Deidara's mother gushed. "You can do it!"
Down on the floor Deidara was frustrated as he couldn't see and his mother was too distracted to pick him up! He too wanted to see his friend; he wanted to cheer for Sasori! Climbing up the stairs that led onto the stage, his jaw dropped as he saw the moment Sasori let his mothers hand go so he could walk around with grace even more. The stage lights and rosy pink, twinkling back drop made the whole scene glow.
"Danna is so pretty..."
That's was it, he had had enough! Getting up on his two wobbly feet, Deidara ran towards Sasori and booked it. His friend needed him! He needed his friend! He was going to hug Sasori and no one was going to stop him!
"Deidara- no!"
There were the little thumps on the stage and then it happened so fast as Sasori was tackled by Deidara. If this wasn't a normal occurrence, Sasori might have cried from being squished by the fat baby. If it wasn't a normal occurrence, Sasori might have cried from being hugged by the fat baby. If it wasn't a normal occurrence, Sasori might have cried from being slobbered on with kisses from the fat baby. Because it was a normal occurrence, Sasori just huffed it off.
"Dannananana!"
Momma Iwa growled, running up onto the staged she ripped her son off Sasori while Momma Akasuna put hers back on his feet for the judges. She was not wasting her time on the stage.
"Naughty Deidara! Let's go now!"
"Eeeeya!" Deidara screeched reaching and squirming with all his might to be back with Sasori. "Dannananana!"
"Well well, what do we have here?" The MC spoke up, looking to lighten the mood. "Who is this here?" He then put the microphone under Deidara's mother face.
"Um, this is my son Deidara... sorry about this. He just... really likes his friend Sasori."
The crowd aww'd loudly, cheering and cooing at the touching scene.
"Now now, let's not separate this Romeo and Juliette just yet." Spoke The MC again. "Little Deidara... do you love little Princess Sasori?" He asked, putting the microphone to Deidara this time.
"Ha!" Deidara laughed, still unable to not find that funny.
"Whoooa! Did you hear that!?" The MC laughed as he tried to decipher the baby-code as the Ha sounded like Yeah, "He said yes!"
The crowd erupted into laughter and even more cries of endearment. This was just too cute. Little princesses, little dresses and sweet little itty-bitty baby love!
Deidara's mother and Sasori's mother laughed halfheartedly, looking at the floor or hiding behind their baby.
Sasori wasn't a real Princess after all, and putting that kind of pressure on a baby? They were hardly a year old! The only thing they should be loving are their mommies and daddies and grannies and Sasori with his fixated love for his dollies.
"I knew this was a bad idea!" Momma Akasuna hissed to her friend, her little face going red in embarrassment.
And yet the MC carried on, "Little Princess Sasori, do you love Little Deidara?"
Sasori gasped in offense at this, "Little!? He's not little; try and have him squish you!"
The MC nodded in excitement at the quick response of baby babble, "Did you hear that? She said yes!"
"Awwww!"
The group walked off the stage with their heads hung low, walking from the back to the seating area in the audience to relax with a glass of water. "Can you believe that? That was so embarrassing! Deidara you naughty boy!" Momma Iwa scolded, wagging her finger at her boy who just put the finger in his mouth.
"Well well ladies, you sure made fools of my only yourselves, but also your boys." Konan's mother spoke up, baby propped on her hip as she approached the group.
"Maybe we did, but- " Again the nattering began among the mommies and the babies were left to talk among themselves.
"Well my mom isn't wrong. Deidara your ruined it." Konan sighed shaking her head.
"Did not!"
"Did too!
"Did not!"
"You know..." Sasori finally spoke up, still admiring his pretty dolly dress. "They technically haven't announced the winners. I still have a good chance."
Konan scoffed at that, "Seriously? That was a train wreck! I've been in enough pageants to know a failure when I see it."
"Yes, it may have looked bad, however did you hear that crowd? I've been near enough adults to know I have them in the palm of my hand when I hear it." Sasori said with his little nose turned up. Patting Deidara on the back he smiled, "Good work."
"That's- that's cheating then!" Konan gasped, fists furled into little balls.
"Konan's gonna lose! Danna is gonna be the winner, un!"
Konan's eyes grew hot with rage and sadness. Reaching foreword she gave Deidara a push and starting bawling her eyes on, only prompting in her mother rushing to remove her from the main audience and their scrutiny.
Deidara was fine with being pushed as he really didn't go far. His round bum gave him enough surface to be unable to knocked over so easily. Still, he would never want to push his luck with any other baby; Hidan and Kakuzu in particular. Kisame could possibly be strong enough, but he would never do that. He's just too kind.
The age group prizes were being announced by the time Konan and her mother came back to sit with her friends. Because even though there was a bet going on, the women were still friends at the end of the day.
Starting off with the smaller prizes, winners by age groups were announced first. Since the competition was for babies in particular rather than children, the age range was one month-five years. When the 12-22 months was announced, neither Sasori nor Konan were called for.
"What's that mean? Did we both lose!?" Momma Akasuka asked nervously, bouncing her boy on her jittery knee.
Konan's mother shook her head, "Not yet, they still have a chance for the big titles! At least... Queen Konan does~"
Deidara and Sasori glared at Konan as she gleamed with pride alongside her mother.
"Don't worry Danna, you'll win for sure."
"I'm not worried."
"I mean you have me by your side."
"I was never worried."
"Of course because of my companionship, you-"
"Deidara shut up."
"Oh-Kay."
"Our Little Baby Runner Up is..."
Konan scoffed, "Maybe your cheater selves will be lucky and get runner up."
"Little Princess, Konan!"
The audience burst into applause and Konan was whisked away by her mother to receive her trophy, crown, sash and cash. Runner up wasn't bad, it wasn't being a Queen though. Still that left the chance Sasori winning anything was even slimmer.
"And now, what you have all been waiting for babies, ladies and gentlemen..."
Momma Iwa gripped the table cloth hard while Momma Akasuna bumped her baby even faster.
"Little Princess, Sasori!"
"Holy "-&u$! we $-&:?! won!" Sasori's mother gasped, jumping up in excitement with Sasori in her arms; freaking out over his mother acting like a complete stranger. Where did his calm, sweet mommy go?
Momma Iwa's jaw dropped as up until this very moment, she never knew the pint size mommy could even swear. This was wild new side to the little brunette!
"I wish I got that on video..."
"Dannanananan!" Deidara gushed in excitement as he watched from the audience as Sasori receive his prestigious award for being so darn pretty. "Dannanananana!"
Looking down at her giddy baby blob, Momma Iwa pursed her lips. "I do wonder why you call Sasori, 'Dannananana'. Why not 'Sasasasasa' at least?"
-x-
The contest ended with the mommies meeting up at Konan's house. Konan's mother handed over the bet money which Sasori's mother got to keep to pay for her son's entry fee. Sasori got the awarded lump sum of cash for his college fund and Deidara slobbered happily on the shiny trophy. Konan cried for awhile, especially when she was denied the ability to take Sasori's giant crown.
"And we will never tell our husbands." Momma Akasuna then said as she undressed her son from his beautiful dress because he refused to take it off before they left the pageant. "Mom would somehow find out and hate me forever for putting her only grandchild in a dress."
"Chiyo will get more grand kids eventually... once your weird little brother finally gets married!"
The women then laughed together and snacked on their bowls of ice cream.
In their high chairs, Sasori happily sucked back a bottle of freshly pumped milk and chewed on his mesh bag filled with berries. Konan likewise enjoyed a similar meal. Deidara whined sadly as he watched everyone in the room eat snacks, even his mother. Here he sat eating vegetable mush...
"Oh baby, while the other girls were pumping, they got you a treat." Deidara looked up to his mother and saw stars as there in her hands was a bottle of his very own!
"It's a gift from Aunty for helping Sasori." She whispered to her son, kissing his chubby cheek. "Good boy!"
"I'm officially retiring from the beauty pageants." Sasori said, putting his nearly done bottle down. "I'm just to pretty for this life style and I don't think I can handle Deidara tackling me like that in public. He's an embarrassment to all baby kind."
"Yes, but you and Deidara love each other. You are Deidara's...little Princess!"
"No!"
"Yes~"
"No!"
"Yes~"
Deidara didn't focus on the arguing babies. Instead he happily drank the sweet gift of delicious milk from Sasori's mother for helping him win over the judges with their act of baby-love. Sure Sasori was a good friend and he looked up to the older boy, but if there was one thing he loved more than Sasori it was,
"Mm, I love boobies."
I personally don't like child pageants, but I thought this was a silly idea. Sasori is def the cutest baby. this chapter gives the approx. for most of the babies ages. maybe that will help with any visualization?
this chapter was very parent heavy and no it won't happen that often. Other parents may show up in future chapters, but there will be little details and they will never have names.
As for the ending, Deidara was weaned and his mother stopped producing. a future chapter will go further into this
BYE LOSERSSS