Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of the Twilight Saga. The author of Cullenary Coupling is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended, and I will never make a dime from this. Starched Shirt Edward and the Predator are mine. So there.

I am jointly dedicating this chapter to Cavriola and Bkwrm for their thoughtful reviews. You both win at life. :)

Thanks to vjgm for being my validating beta.

The response to the last chapter has been so overwhelming you all inspired me to write like never before. Thank you for all your kind words. :)

I know it sounds silly, but it totally makes my day to read your feedback. I squee like a fangirl. And many times what you all have to say is so helpful that I use the things you point out in order to guide me in structuring future scenes or chapters to see what is working and what still needs work. Please take the time to give me a review if you have the chance.

Snarky Summary

So last chapter we saw Edward had a bit of a spat with Bella - and they didn't speak for a month. Edward shows us just how much of a communication genius he is in interpreting Bella's behavior. Jasper and Rosalie kinda sorta had plans of a more permanent kind with Bella. Edward learns a bit about the fine art of groveling. And bribery. He ended the silence with his singer with an apology or two and asked her to join him for lunch. And in the last part of the last chapter he broke Mike Newton's legs after mentally learning of Mike's plan to seduce his singer. Edward has standards, you know. Some. No one touches his human. And she has better taste than to drink Bud Light.

Chapter 8: Heart of Darkness - Part Three - EdBargo

As he thrashed on the ground screaming with pain, it occurred to Mike Newton that his machinations regarding my human that night would unfortunately have to wait. He felt woefully disappointed at losing the opportunity to deflower my singer. To distract himself from his pain, he decided to continue to contemplate his campaign of her seduction. Mentally, he transformed my human into something that resembled an escaped vixen from Emmett's favorite 80's hair metal band video. His fantasy of my human envisioned her with wild teased hair that appeared as if she had been exposed to unhealthy levels of electricity. The vivid blue eye shadow, and unflattering lipstick and smudged black tar-like goo spoiled the beauty of her features. In his tiny mind, my singer writhed on top of him wearing tasteless lingerie that was a shade of fire-engine red so unbecoming it actually looked orange. Even more offensive, he had decided that her actual body wasn't good enough for him. Newton had expanded her bust size from its perfectly proportional 32B to a ghastly 40HH. In his mind she was begging him to touch her to take her to make her his own as his hand reached out for her....Growling at vampire frequency, I casually moved my foot in a blur to touch his broken legs and seemed adequately alarmed when he promptly fainted. This sacrifice on my part was far more humane than ripping out his throat, which is what both Starched Shirt Edward and my Predator eagerly advocated: the first time ever they had been in agreement as they high-fived one another. I thought that there'd be hell to pay when I got home as Jasper sat in this class. Instead, to my surprise, my brother with immensely relieved thoughts whispered at me, "Excellent, Edward. I knew I could count on you. You go boy." He gave me a thumbs up. I noticed he had his backpack on his lap. Then his thoughts that I had been tuning out hit me. Oh my. Jasper's lust sparked by Newton's repulsive mind play was going to save my worthless hide.

After the ambulance ferried a blessedly unconscious Newton to the hospital, Jasper took me aside, I thought, to comment on my behavior.

"He had vile intentions toward my singer," I started defensively before Jasper could say anything. I spoke my claim at vampire pitch on my way to the next class that we shared.

"Forget Newton. His lust for your human is out of control. And frankly, if our parents give you a hard time I'm going to have to defend you. Thanks to him, I was about to make the entire wing feel uncontrolled lust so you probably prevented countless teenage pregnancies just now. From across the building, Mary Alice heard and simply said at vampire pitch, "Twenty-five to be precise."

Jasper laughed and continued, "That was a remarkably exercise in self-control. I would have done far worse if he looked at Alice like that. If I may change the subject, I'm worried about your singer." Genuine concern roiled from him.

"How so?"

"Look Esme told me and Rosalie that we had to make it up to you for planning on killing your singer. So she gave us punishments. We both have to help you with your human. Really help. So here's my first contribution. Did you notice Bella's fear this morning?" Jasper's Southern accent became distinctive when he felt agitated and at the moment his drawl was thick as molasses.

"Yes, the ice frightened her."

"No, Edward, I felt her terror all the way from our car when we were driving to school about half a block away. That's not within my normal range. I should't be able to pick that up and it came through loud and clear. She was scared stiff before she even got to the school. I could feel her. She's absolutely terrified while she's in her truck. I was surprised she could even function enough to drive through all that emotion."

"I'll have to find out if she nearly had an accident. Surely there's a logical explanation." I said. "Or perhaps she witnessed one. Can you hack into the police data base and see if any accidents were reported on her route to school?"

"This is a small town. It'll take at least a week for them to even input them. Beside, you have a bigger problem than that. When Mother showed up to give her the gifts, your singer almost burst into tears."

"She's shy. I have the impression that no one ever gives her gifts. She was touched. I saw her face." I started.

"Not good tears Edward, shameful tears. Why would the sight of our Mother make her feel that way?"

"I have no earthly idea."

"I did not get the sense that the gifts offended her if that's what your worried about. But there's one last thing you need to consider, sonny boy. You might have misinterpreted the EdBargo."

"I can hardly misinterpret her refusal to speak to me for a month."

Jasper considered smacking me, "You never asked, so I never told what I observed in terms of her emotions. And I watched her the entire time. It takes dedicated anger to ignore someone because they've offended you. Aside from that ridiculous excuse of an apology that you offered, I never felt genuine anger from her this past month. I always felt guilt, shame, and fright. I thought I'd let you figure it out but it's been a month. And from what I could see you've been oblivious to her emotional state. I can also tell she's physically and emotionally exhausted. She's close to snapping. So what did you do to provoke guilt and shame in her at the sight of our Mother?"

I think that was the longest I'd ever heard Jasper speak to me in over a decade. He did have a point.

"Does she only feel guilty when she sees me? What about the rest of us?"

"Yes, with all of us but mostly you and Rosalie. Since Rosalie has been glaring at her, like she's going to spit, 'I'll get you and your little dog, too,' any minute, Bella's terrified of her. She feels shame every time she looks at her."

Satisfaction flowed through me. Our secret was safe. "She believed the story about the accident, I'm willing to bet. I told her she nearly killed us all by hitting us head on to make her stop asking questions."

"That would do it. You do realize that fixing this is going to require you actually speak to her?" Jasper called over his shoulder as he walked to his next class.

I found myself counting the moments until lunch arrived and caught her gazing at me in the minds of other students with a baffled expression. I thought over all her behavior over the past month trying to make sense of it, and hated not being able to read her mind. It had all seemed to make sense with her being mad at me. I had said horrible things to her at the hospital, and then left without a proper goodbye.

Now, I had no idea what was going on in her mind as apparently I had been so off base earlier. During a free moment my human drafted a sweet letter of thanks to my Mother, I saw from Angela's mind. Mrs. Cope, who had watched the scene earlier brushing a sentimental tear from her eye, had been touched. She had thought my human so sweet and thoughtful, as she provided her with our home address when my singer expressed the desire to send a thank you note from school and had left our address at her home. You don't send greeting cards to people you hate.

Internally jubilant, I projected calm when she shyly approached the small table I appropriated in a quiet corner wearing her new boots and sweater and my scarf. In the harsh flourescent lighting of the cafeteria, she appeared pale, with dark shadows under her eyes. I stood and walked around to her seat, and greeted her politely trying not to stare, "Hello, Bella. Thank your for joining me."

I received a blush and a shy nod from her in return. After she lowered her tray I pulled out her chair and seated her as a gentleman should.

Heads turned across the cafeteria. I can't help it if both my Mothers raised me with manners, I sniffed.

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

"Did you send your Mother shopping for me this morning?" She seemed fascinated with the scarred wooden table while she stammered.

"I most certainly did. I felt the need for a grand gesture to make up for my boorish behavior. Did you like the gift?" I batted my eyelashes, offering a hopeful face. 'Please like it,' I prayed. 'I have no idea what to say if you don't.'

"I've never had anyone do anything so considerate. Thank you very much." She met my eyes for a moment before glancing away and clearing her throat. I could hear her heartbeat she was so nervous, and smell it in her blood. She wasn't the only one.

"Have you ever been here during winter?"

"Not really. I've been in Phoenix. I've never seen weather like this." She shuddered.

Inspiration suddenly hit, "It takes a bit getting used to. May I show you how to put on the ice grippers on your boots after school? We'll practice walking on the ice in the parking lot, if you like."

"That would be nice."

"And I'll take you driving in that monstrosity of a vehicle to show you how to handle the truck on ice. It's the best time to practice." She got this strange look on her face for a moment, turned sheet white, but agreed. Jasper hissed at me that I'd just terrified her.

From across the room, Emmett said at vampire pitch, "Smooth one, Grasshopper. Remind her of the accident. You are much more clever than anyone gives you credit for, my emotionally mute brother. Way to manipulate her into spending even more time with you...when she's awake." When Bella glanced down at the table for a second, I smirked in his direction at vampire speed. By the time she lifted her face I wore my usual tranquil mask. A human would have missed it.

I hid my fascination at the apple she ate and the bottled lemonade she sipped. It had been so long since I had been human I had forgotten what food tasted like. I thought back to my newborn years when, defiantly, I had tried to eat like a human. Much to my dismay I discovered all food tasted disgusting, scraped my throat when swallowed, and felt like a rock in my stomach. I vomited it up six hours later despite trying stubbornly every day for eleven months.

Although I had fed on blood during that time, I had reduced my hunting to once a month, unreasonable for a newborn. I remember Carlisle having to force me to hunt. I remember sobbing alone in the woods as the rush of relief hit me as I gorged on a deer like a rabid beast, and hating myself afterwards. At that alarming memory, I thanked God I was blocking Jasper or he'd come running as I continued to act serene. I missed being able to remember what human food felt like on my tongue.

At the sight of my human's tray, I knew that the meager amount was not enough calories to keep her sustained. By my calculations she had 161 calories on her tray. If her nutrients were poor, it would affect the scent of her blood.

"Bella, you only have an apple and a bottle of lemonade."

"I'm not really hungry."

"I'll make you a bargain. If you share my food with me, I'll stop perstering you about your diet." I offered her half of my pepperoni pizza, at least I think that's what it was. I never paid attention to the human food I refused to eat. It hurt too much to know what it was that I could no longer digest. So I had become accustomed to mentally putting myself somewhere else during lunch, only answering questions from my family, if asked.

"Deal." We shook on it. I felt that odd shock again when our hands met. I think she did too as she jumped a bit.

My stomach clenched as I stared at what she had definitely identified as pepperoni pizza. I justified my behavior as setting a good example and making her comfortable. I ignored the uncomfortable sensation of the putrid chunks as it stumbled down my throat feeling like hot lead. She played with the bottle cap as we talked turning it in her small hands nervously. I pulled out a miniature chess set.

"Do you play?" I fought to keep my tone casual. I felt like the spider talking to the fly.

Her eyes lit up, and her face transformed in a smile. "I do. Do you?"

That was it, I was definitely going to have to play her now.

"Now and then."

I could tell by the gleam in her eyes she planned on winning. I decided to let her, after displaying my skill.

Using my vampire gifts, I carried on a conversation with my family without the humans around me knowing. It made for an interesting contrast with the amiability of my banter with my human while we teased each other about chess. From across the room, Rosalie mentally snarled, "Edward, take a good look at that apple and remember about the fruit of knowledge of good and evil. And that outfit she's wearing. Boring. Aside from the sweater and boots Mother gave her she looks like Wal-Mart vomited. And you're eating with human food with her? Pathetic."

By Rosalie's thoughts I gathered the Wal-Mart a human store I had never entered was beneath her. At vampire speed, I said to Rosalie in an embarrassed cracking voice, "I'm sorry Rose to have to repeat this. I'm just not attracted to you, and . . . compared to Bella, you stink." She inhaled in outrage as I changed to a more confident voice, "Wal-Mart vomit has never smelled so good. And I'd cheerfully vomit every day in order to be in her company. Unlike yours." Smiling beatifically at my sister I took a large bite of pepperoni pizza when Bella was peering at the game. Jasper interrupted marveling at the sight of me having sarcastic banter with Rosalie and insulting her, a first time ever event to become repulsed at my actions.

My brothers went "Ewwwwww." Emmett looked genuinely disgusted as he thought of me vomiting every day for the rest of the school year. To get back at him I asked Rosalie, "Does your mate love you enough to eat human food with you at school?" Benignly, I may have blinked at her a time or two.

Rosalie's stunned expression was quickly overtaken with incandescent rage. Emmett, Jasper and Mary Alice started laughing hysterically. The tables around, infected by Jasper's mirth, started tittering. My sister flounced from the room. Emmett gave me a thumbs up gesture from our table followed by "HuffWard 1, Rosalie 0! Come back tomorrow for a rematch." I ignored him to focus on my human. Due to Jasper, she wore a lovely smile looking into my eyes. I don't know why but I found myself genuinely wishing that she'd look at me like that without the aid of vampire charms.

I heard Emmett mutter, "Are you seriously going to eat all that food? That's the most revolting thing I've seen if six decades." Emmett did not like having his love for his wife challenged. And moreover, he was now fuming that he was going to have to prove his love to her by eating human food for the next few months. Fortunately, he was not mad at me, as Emmett could take a joke, although he fumed at destiny for his possible upcoming fate at the next lunch. Emmett thought to himself that I was a twerp and a bastard. I whispered to him at vampire pitch, "I can assure you my birth was legitimate."

He stopped only when Mary Alice smacked him upside the head. "Ow, Jeez Alice," he whined.

I gave my singer my undivided attention. Her mind fascinated me because I could not predict what she would say. She was also smart enough to be cautious, and asked few questions. The ones she did were probing. I answered as briefly as I could and turned most of them back on her. I wasn't sure how to make conversation so having a prop like the chess set was a Godsend. Mostly I focused the conversation on her strategy as we played, smiling as I teased her about a particular move as I threatened to take her Queen. To my surprise she trounced me in three moves after that. I had planned on permitting her to win. I hadn't planned on losing in fact. She clearly had a remarkable grasp of the game. I beat her on the second and she actually made me work for the victory. My siblings tracked our progress and gaped in awe when she won the first game.

I hadn't bothered to hide my wounded pride, and Jasper conveyed that to my family who chortled. Jasper and Emmett, of course, then started placing bets on who would win the next game. I was offended to see that they all bet on her. What about family loyalty? When did we become the De Medicis? We were still playing the third and I was so absorbed, it surprised me when she stood to go to class.

"What are you doing. It's your move?"

"Lunch is over, Edward."

"But we're not done? Can I defeat you tomorrow?"

She offered me the ghost of a smile, "I'll allow you the opportunity to try."

I let her be the first to leave, and watched her back as she exited.

Emmett sitting at our table thought, "Man, you are so whipped."

I had never heard the term "whipped" used in common parlance and would have to look it up later in the dictionary as I could not admit ignorance about TWO terms in one day. His obvious merriment meant it didn't bode well as a reflection upon my character. "What are you blathering about now, Emmett?" I whispered back at vampire frequency.

Emmett ticked off points on his thick fingers, "You're encouraging her to eat just like a human boyfriend would. You're actually eating human food with her. You're hanging on her every word. You intended on letting her win against you, Mr. Grandmaster. Best of all, you're breaking the legs of your rivals. In the past hour, I've seen you talking with one human more than I've seen you do with your own family in a decade. And I just caught you checking out her ass like a normal guy. But the best part is now you're stealing tokens. I'm wiping away a venom tear here in pride, junior."

"I beg your pardon?" I did not like him making crude references to her body and glared. I walked over to our table, and sat across from him. Besides, I hadn't stolen anything in decades, not that he would know. And talking to her that much was the hardest thing I've done, aside from not killing her, in a decade.

He nodded at the lemonade bottle cap that I was toying with in my fingers. I said innocently, "I saved it as a reminder of our first lunch date. It just so happens to have the advantage that it does carry her scent."

"See what I mean? You're pathetic."

"Why? It's much more convenient to carry a one ounce bottle cap around than a 110 pound human with me all day long when they both smell the same. I'd say I'm smart." I retorted, smugly.

"Whatever, HuffWard. But stealing her bottle cap because it has her scent makes you no different from a common panty thief." He chortled.

"I find it highly offensive that you could think me that ungentlemanly with an innocent human girl as to purloin something so personal as her undergarments. And she did not want the bottle cap, so I stole nothing from her."

Comparing me to a common panty thief like some adolescent human teenager? What an imbecile. Besides, she only had seven pairs of underwear, all quite old and drenched with her scent from her, ah, womanly parts. I felt like he was accusing me of stealing the very shirt off her back figuratively speaking. She only had seven pairs. If I filched a pair from her room at night; first, I'd be depriving her of clothing she required. Second, she'd immediately notice. Not that the thought had ever crossed my mind. Seriously.

"So are you going through her trash during the night seeing as how you're all into saving mementos? Panty thief." Emmett's eyes were dancing. "Or are you standing over her trash can huffing in the night only on certain weeks of the month?"

Lip curled in disdain, I refused to answer such crudity. Emmett was making me talk more than I used to. Shy Edward couldn't talk this much. Besides, he did not need to know that I actually had gone through her trash, but only for research purposes. Twice. But I had not taken anything. And I'd never inhaled.

"So, because I strive to desensitize myself to my singer to preserve her life, enjoy the pleasure of her sparkling wit, feast my eyes upon her pretty visage, and seize every available opportunity to do so that makes me some kind of moral degenerate?" I said with bafflement.

"Yep. And I know you're never going to wash that sweater after having her pressed against it this morning. It's going to be your new blankie." He grinned.

I decided to end the conversation before it became more humiliating. I had no idea what a blankie was. I couldn't ask about three human popular culture terms in one day.

I think, in hindsight, Satan made me say it.

"Emmett, you have my solemn promise that if I ever stole anything from the lovely Miss Swan it would definitely not be her panties. After all, I'm considerably more ambitious, compared to you have infinitely more endurance, and most importantly I do love a challenge."

I smirked with a raised brow, and sauntered from the room, leaving a stunned brother behind. I could hear his laugh from the other end of the school. His thoughts indicated he now believed I was ardently planning to seduce my human. I, of course, had been thinking of her heart when I spoke of larceny.

Emmett started mocking me for my virginity only when I was on the other side of the school. I mentally rolled my eyes. Pusillanimous pervert. I took a whiff of her scent on my sweater, and closed my eyes in happiness as I remembered this morning. I just might be able to make it through the day. I tried not to watch the clock for the rest of the afternoon, as time seemed to slow to an interminable crawl. I had never wanted school to end quite so badly before, and actually was growled at by my siblings for shifting nervously in my seat. I blinked at them in wounded blamelessness.

From down the hall, I saw her as school let out staring at the window with a shaking hand on the glass. It had started snowing again, heavily. She had her ice grippers in her hand and was holding the gift box with the other, her backpack slung across her shoulder. We were surrounded by the bustle of students, who like salmon struggled against one another to stream out of the building into the frigid day.

A large football player had his mind focused on an important date he intended to keep with a marginally attractive young slattern of loose virtue barreled down the hall. Forgetting he was not at practice, he pushed the humans out of the way. I gawped, appalled, as he slammed into two girls in his determination to push through the milling students. He was worse than a nun at a Vatican Papal audience with those sharp elbows, I thought, as I silently pulled Angela Webber out of his path of destruction. I did not think my singer would appreciate having her friend harmed which is the only reason I intervened, I thought, piously. And I had grasped her by the elbow in a perfectly felicitous manner and then released her at once to look up for my human. Angela stuttered her thanks and I nodded dismissively as my eyes fell on my human's tiny form across the crowd. I had too many people in between me to be able to help my singer as she walked into the path of the lust-filled linebacker. I could not move at vampire speed.

As he approached her, my human turned at an angle to adjust her backpack on her shoulder. They collided, landing in a heap on the floor, taking three other students down with them in a collection of tangled limbs. For a moment it looked like a scene from a zombie movie Jasper liked as no one moved, and suddenly bodies began to twitch to life. I heard the "oofs" and squeals people made as they hit the ground. Fortunately, my singer did not hit her head, having landed against the cushion of the football player her elbow in a certain delicate region causing him to gasp and silently weep. Her face red, she scooted back on her hands and knees, rubbing her healing ribs and whispered a mortified, "I'm sorry."

From above her, Lauren Mallory's nasal voice called out, "God Bella, we're going to have to keep a tally of how many people you crash into during the day and nearly kill. You're so freaking clumsy your brain should be studied for science."

She swept her eyes up and down my human indicating her disdain with her jeering tone. I was suddenly regretting the chivalry instilled in my by my Mother. I had never physically harmed a human female and at that very moment I desired to provide Mike Newton with a roommate wearing a body cast. My fingers actually twitched. The other students in the room thought of multiple incidents in which my singer had fallen and crashed into others. Their thoughts did not like Lauren's tone, but they did appreciate her point.

I winced at Lauren's use of the word "killing," hoping that it did not remind my singer of my lies.

My human crouched on the ground. I could not see her face from my angle or the minds of others, and she had her back to me. She glanced up to see Ben Cheney's outstretched palm. Lifting her with one hand, he picked up her backpack and slung it over his shoulder. Angela collected the gift box that had fallen beside it. Ben turned to Lauren with an angry expression on his face.

"This wasn't Bella's fault," Ben pointed to the football player, "Abraham bumped into everyone, and frankly it was pretty rude because you hit girls in the process. Abraham, you need to say you are sorry. Lauren, you owe Bella an apology. It's not like she trips on purpose." My singer squirmed as eyes fell upon her. Realizing she was now the center of attention she stilled like a startled fawn. I heard her heart rate soar.

Abraham was still occupied gasping on the ground like a beached whale. Lauren sneered, turned on her heel and walked away.

Angela surprised us all by clearly saying, "That was unkind, but unfortunately predictable," to Lauren's retreating back.

Angela Webber had the reputation as the sweetest person in the school. Her words went off like an artillery round and started people snickering at Lauren, whose shoulders noticeably stiffened. Retreating in the face of superior firepower, she all but scurried from the building, and slipped on the ice three steps outside of the door. No one assisted her in standing.

Angry that I had missed the opportunity to aid my singer, I trained my ire at the nearest available target. I grasped the 325 pound linebacker and lifted him off of the floor like he was a puppy by the scruff of his neck. Once he stood on his feet, my hands seemed to the observing eye as if they were clapping him on the back in support. In fact, I hit him just hard enough to cause bruising. Considering he'd fallen on the floor, he would never associate it with me alone. Putting my body in between his and my human's, I wanted his undivided attention, and needed to keep her safe behind me. And I had reached my limit on breaking limbs for the day.

"It's rude to hit women," I snarled at him quietly. "Do you require assistance learning basic manners? I would be delighted to offer you a tip. Learn how to use your bulk wisely. Or I'll teach you." I offered him the eyes of the predator that I was. Despite his limited thinking capacity, his survival instinct kicked in. He wondered how a skinny guy like me could lift him up like he was a snowball. I was not skinny. Stolid simpleton. I tried to remind myself that idiots like him served a function of adding to the gene pool more idiots who usually ended up being dinner for the blood dependent vampires.

He blurted, "Um, sorry man, not looking where I was going. My bad. Sorry Bella, Angela, Terry, Robert," he addressed each of his victims, and then left head hanging to be comforted by his trollop. My singer watched quietly. Ben handed my human her things with a pat on the arm. Angela smiled at my singer as she told her, "Hang in there, Bella. Thank you, Edward." I remember trying not to laugh as Angela thought that my human was having a good influence on me as she and Cheney walked away. If only she knew. Putting on my most charming smile, I turned to my singer.

My siblings were nervous about me being around my singer alone. They lurked in the parking lot, keeping an eye out on me. Like a sports broadcaster on human television, Emmett gleefully reported Lauren Mallory's attempts to totter in her ridiculous footwear on the ice. Apparently, no one in Forks wanted to play the Good Samaritan to the town termagant. Even Rosalie thought her behavior cruel. Ben Cheney and Angela Webber ended up taking Lauren by the arms and leading her to her Mother's idling car as she moaned about her ruined Jimmy Choos heels. I had no idea why she had named her footwear. Women.

With disinterest, Mrs. Mallory had sat and watched her daughter flail about from the comfort of her warm Mercedes. She had stared at her nails while tapping the steering wheel and fretted that her manicure hadn't been done properly. She did feel sympathy when she heard her daughter's cry about the footwear. Ruining a pair of that designer's shoes was enough to send her to bed for a week in mourning. No wonder the girl was a raging shrew. My thoughts drifted back to my singer in a flash.

I pointed to the ice grippers in her hand, "Would you like to sit by me so I can show you how to put them on? I promise not to bite. Much." I said darkly, pointing at an empty bench in the hall.

At my comment, Emmett whispered at vampire frequency, "Dude, that's just like, so wrong. Nice use of irony though. And what did you do to scare her? I can smell her adrenaline from here."

Her body indicated that something had alarmed her. I wondered if my eyes had changed color, thinking they shouldn't have, as I had fed just that morning. Searching out with my gift I breathed a sigh of relief as a teacher walked by and I read his mind. My eyes were normal.

My human sat by my side, placing the gift box to her right by her backpack. Trying to avoid touching her, I demonstrated how to put the device on the sole of her boot using my own as an example. Her hands shook as she tried to put hers on to the point where she dropped them on the floor. Twice.

I couldn't understand why putting ice grippers on her feet had her so terrified. "It's ok. I'll show you how. It takes a bit of practice. You just have to get the hang of them," I murmured.

She buried her face in her hands. I smelled tears in alarm. What had I said? Other than Rosalie that one time, who didn't count, I had never purposely made any other woman cry. And this was the second time my human had wept in front of me in a month. My Mother would be horrified at my manners.

Tyler walked by wondering what that jerk (my translation of his uncouth language) Cullen was doing to my human - she'd looked so scared this morning when he'd mentioned how fun it was driving to school sliding his car on the ice during first period.

Ah. Driving. I see, I thought, and remembered Jasper's theory.

"So, can you tell me what has you so upset?"

"I don't know how." She looked down at the ground and shrugged her shoulders.

"To put ice grippers on your boots? It's not hard. I'll show you." I said calmly, and reached for her left foot.

"I'm grateful for that, but that is not what I mean. I don't know how to drive in heavy snow and ice. No one ever taught me." She sounded like she had just confessed to butchering the entire freshman class at Forks High.

"I see." sounding noncommittal seemed appropriate.

"My Dad's was sick the last time it snowed, and I had to get his medicine. I drove at night because the storm was supposed to get worse in the morning and . . . I was afraid. And he needed his antibiotics. He would have become sicker without them."

"It's not a hanging offense to care for your ill parent. And it just takes a bit of time to learn how to handle the ice."

I don't think she heard me. Her gaze was far away. She started trembling and rubbing her ribs, "I keep having nightmares about the accident. I don't remember much, but I remember hearing Rosalie scream. I remember your voice yelling "no" and I remember being terrified that you were going to be hurt. And I remember hearing glass shatter and this pain in my head. I have this image of your frightened face that I've had trouble getting out of my head. I keep seeing it and hearing glass breaking and metal crunching. I think of it every time I get behind the wheel. I'm afraid I'll kill someone the next time. And your Mother." She wiped at her eyes furiously, taking a deep gasp of air. Oh dear, she seemed to become more upset. This was not good.

"What about her?"

"How could she be so nice to me considering I almost killed four of her children last month?" Then she really broke down. Now, I understood why she was avoiding me. She thought I had been mad at her for nearly eradicating my family. The EdBargo that had once seemed so diverting no longer seemed funny at all. And her shaking hands as she bought the flowers for my Mother at the floral shop now made perfect sense.

I felt a mix of emotions at that moment. On one hand, I felt relieved that she had believed our account of the accident. That meant our secret was safe. On the other, the fact that by lying I'd caused her nightmares and to fear getting behind the wheel of her truck galled me. Not getting adequate rest could impair her immune system. She'd get sick and miss school. I couldn't have that. Her sobs brought me back to the moment. I simply had no idea what to do with her to make her stop.

Mary Alice said from the parking lot, "Edward you need to say something."

"You feel guilty?" I blurted.

She nodded.

I looked at her feeling helpless. Awkwardly, I patted her forearm as if she were live ordinance capable of exploding at any minute.

I mentally raced through the nearby minds until I found Mrs. Cardwick, a P.E. teacher who was watching us from down the hall and remembering how she comforted my singer when she fell and cried privately in the locker room in gym last week after being mocked in public by Lauren Mallory for being clumsy and ugly and "retarded." Like a starving man falling upon a crust of bread, I seized the memory from her mind. Grateful, I mimicked her movement, patting my human's shoulder.

But it was awkward at this angle. And she kept crying. And we were getting stares. I couldn't have it look like I was the one who had made her weep. I had to stop her. When I thought of comfort, the first image that came to my mind was my human Mother, Elizabeth Masen.

I could remember bits of how she had behaved as I was dying, but not much more. Suddenly, a memory hit me as I touched my singer. I remembered Mother holding me in her arms as I lay dying, humming to me my childhood lullaby and rocking me against her flushed cheek - even though I had been taller and larger than she was. I remember feeling her hot hand across my hair and temple and how, despite the fact that my body was so miserable, she told me I was loved, and cherished, and safe.

Despite the passage of over eighty years, in that second I felt my Mother's hand on my brow my skin prickling as if her shade stood behind me. I could feel my Mother's hands caress my hair, tenderly. I closed my eyes so that I could keep my emotions hidden as a wave of longing for my late Mother overwhelmed me, combined with awe for what I had experienced.

I looked down at my human wondering how such a tiny little thing with her odd brain could spark such a response in me. How miraculous it seemed. I marveled that, bit by bit, I regained precious memories of my human life. They may have only represented seconds of that time, but to me it was like cooling drops of water after crossing the desert.

Feeling as if she were guiding me from the grave, I drew upon my recollection of my Mother. Throwing caution to the winds, I pulled my human onto my lap with her right side pressed against me, encircling her with my arms. I thanked God once again that my sweater was warm. I guided her head with my hand in what was becoming a familiar location, the soft spot I lacked on my chest. She didn't seem to notice, however, and cuddled against me. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders as she cried on my sweater. I found myself humming to her a melody that I had been composing that reminded me of her. I pulled my coat around her. The hall was drafty. She could get chilled weeping.

Jasper hissed at vampire frequency, "Edward you have to take the lead here. She's just as shy as you are. Say something. Stop using closed questions. Ask her how she was feeling this morning sitting in her truck." Right. No wonder he was a tactician. The man was brilliant. I remembered from his thoughts that he used to be the main interrogator during the Southern wars of his coven. "And reach into your pants pocket and offer her a handkerchief you jackdaw."

Oh. We always carried them to blend in. A white square of fabric that had my initials embroidered on it magically appeared in my hand. I dabbed at her eyes carefully in fascination. I wanted to ensure that I didn't accidentally poke one out. I remembered with revulsion how I had purposely bruised her the night of the accident so handled her delicately. I had never been this close to a crying human. One that lived.

"So would you care to tell me what was going through your mind this morning when you were sitting in your truck? You were upset." That sounded good. Caring.

She said through her tears, "Ever since the accident, I've had nightmares about hurting your sister and you and your family. Today is the first time it's snowed since then. I told myself I had to stop being a coward and forced myself to drive. I was trying to . . ." She suddenly started coughing into her hand hunching her shoulders. I patted her back. I noticed she wheezed a bit. That didn't sound good. She shouldn't wheeze. I really needed to calm her.

Rose chimed in from the parking lot, "I can't believe I'm even saying this after what a jerk you've been to me. God, Edward, even I'm feeling sorry for your pathetic human. Mother did make me help you as part of my punishment. So listen up. She's clearly suffering Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Tell her that it's normal and use the opportunity to practice driving with her to desensitize her."

Rosalie was a trained psychiatrist. And she was a woman. Sometimes. Her diagnosis sounded accurate, however. This could be good for me. PTSD would take a long time for her to recover. That meant more quality singer time. I could use this. Besides, I had to get her calm. It was heartbreaking to hear her sob. It would interfere with her scent. Positively heartbreaking. I had my priorities.

"You did nothing wrong. You were simply being a good daughter. It's not your fault that the deer startled you as you came around that bend. Had our cars crashed, we would actually have come out of it better than you as our vehicle is safer. So stop feeling guilty." I said, "Anyone who had a crash like you did would be frightened. When we found you in the wreckage you have no idea how close you came.......I thought for a minute you had died. You may have forgotten the actual events, but your body remembers the fear. Your brain is firing fear signals when it shouldn't and that is making you scared when ordinarily you wouldn't feel that way." I was surprised that I actually felt the concern I was emitting. Way to internalize a role, I thought, as I looked into her puffy eyes, thanking Rosalie for helping me with that speech.

I couldn't stop touching her hair. I remember my Mother doing that for me when I was upset and how soothing it felt. I noticed my singer's blood pressure was lowering as I continued to run my hand through her soft hair. I was careful to not touch her bare skin.

"Are you telling me I'm going to feel this way forever every time I get in the car when it's snowing?" Comforting her had benefits. I noticed she took deep gulps of air, too. Maybe I should breathe on her a bit, I thought.

From the parking lot Mary Alice had a mortifying vision that she instantly blocked of just what might happen if I "blew" my singer as she called it. She mentally told me, "Edward, stop using your vamp charms on a vulnerable girl. Either calm her down responsibly, or I will personally torture you. I'm giving you two minutes before Jasper comes in there to calm her." I decided to listen. I didn't want Jasper near her.

"No. I'm telling you that from now on, you and I are going to drive together every time it snows. We'll practice so you can see that you can handle this. And you'll be safe with me. I promise. Does that arrangement suit you?"

She nodded, eyes wide. I moved from her hair to her shoulders rubbing in slow circles to help ease the tension. She was wound tighter than a spring. We sat in silence for five minutes. I felt perfectly comfortable simply holding her in my arms caressing her hair. Part of me knew that was wrong. But I couldn't bring myself to care. The selfish creature in me could not stay away from her lure. My hands were getting accustomed the feel of being on her. And I did not mind people seeing that she was mine as they walked down the hall looking at us sitting on the bench together.

"I'm sorry I cried all over you, Edward. I don't normally do things like that." She looked embarrassed.

"That's ok. You can cry on me anytime." I continued with a smile, and pulled her against me.

"I've cried all over your sweater." She rubbed her hand on my chest.

Starched Shirt Edward whined, "You are taking advantage of a pure young lady who is vulnerable. She has been on our lap entirely too long. This is a public location, and she is not a hoyden."

"My sweater is gratified for the honor. Seriously. You have no idea how honored I am that you chose to talk to me. The parking lot is almost empty." She looked up at me with a watery smile. My singer had the longest eyelashes.

"Let's see you drive home. I'll be with you every step of the way." I handed her the ice grippers.

"How will you get home?"

"I have a cell phone and can call my family. It's not a problem."

Still sitting on my lap, I guided her hands and showed her how to put the ice grippers on properly. Erik Yorkie walked by and thought to himself that for an icy jerk I certainly seemed to be warming up to Bella and that he was surprised. He had thought I was in the closet like he was. He wondered if I was using Bella for cover, deciding to ponder that later as he walked off in the distance.

Good lord, the gossip in this town. What was I going to have to do, kiss and grope her in the lunch room before a crowd? Ignoring his assault on my heterosexuality, Starched Shirt Edward sounded a warning bell. I decided it would be prudent to stop having sexual thoughts when she was seated on my lap and that perhaps Starched Shirt me had a point. I lifted her by the hips, stood and placed her on the ground with a flourish, turning it into a joke. I murmured, "My dear lady, I am prepared to sweep you off your feet at a moment's notice if you would do me the singular honor of joining me for a stroll in our scenic parking lot," I extended my gloved hand for her to take. She agreed with a small smile.

She still clutched my handkerchief in her hand, and I decided I was not going to ask for it back. It would give her another excuse to talk to me. We walked into the parking lot still holding hands. I'd never held a human female's hand before, and was not sure of the etiquette. I had taken her backpack and slung it over my shoulder and her gift box in my hand as well. This whole relationship plan was more work than I anticipated. Had you asked me a month ago if I'd ever willingly touch a human, I would have laughed myself senseless. Had you asked me that day if I'd ever willingly touch a human, I would have snarled at you to go find your own and stay the hell away from mine.

She stalled at the edge of the icy lot.

"That's it. You're doing fine. The metal on your shoes will keep you from slipping."

"We'll see. I don't have the best of luck with things like this." She joked.

She seemed amazed as we slowly walked to her truck. I stood by her side as she used her keys to open the driver's side door, then dashed around at human speed to the other side. My human had to scoot over to my side to unlock it by hand. I slid her backpack and the box under the bench seat and climbed in the truck, shutting the door and fastening my seat belt like normal humans would.

My singer took a deep breath, and her hands shook as she put the key in the ignition. She started the truck, turning on the heater and let it warm up for a few minutes. I noticed she moved the vents so they would blow on me. I told her I was fine and moved them back to direct them at her. My singer's hands shook as she put it into reverse.

"Put your foot on the accelerator gently so you don't skid." If I'd had a working heart, it would have leapt in my chest at the look she gave me at that moment. I did feel a curious burning sensation in the region of my chest and prayed I did not have any more food to vomit. I thought I'd cleared my stomach earlier, and had brushed my teeth twice with a toothbrush and mouthwash kept permanently in my locker.

"When you brake, you only need to gently press on them."

"Edward, this is an old truck. It doesn't have fancy brakes."

"It does now."

"What?"

"My family had your car repaired. We had an airbag system put in and anti-lock brakes. We wanted you to be safe. Also, I don't know if you noticed but we had the seat custom installed so you can raise or lower it to the height you prefer to give you better visibility when you drive." I leaned over nervously almost placing my head in her lap for the switch and lifted the seat for her to an appropriate height.

She stared at me mouth formed in a perfect "O" shape for a moment.

"Can you see better now?" She remained stunned looking.

Finally, she cleared her throat and said, "Edward, I just don't know what to say."

"If it keeps you safe then it's worth it. Now stop stalling, and drive. You can do this. I'm here and you'll be safe."

Despite how scared she was, I was so proud to see her fierce determination. We drove for twenty minutes that day, practicing in the empty lot just driving and braking to get her used to the new brake system. This idea of having an activity to discuss so I could actually talk to her was pure genius. I didn't have to struggle when I explained to her the difference between her old brakes and an ABS system.

Once she seemed comfortable in the lot, I encouraged her to head for home telling her I didn't think she was ready to face rush hour quite yet. She blanched and gripped the wheel white-knuckled but kept driving. When we came to the first stop light she started braking carefully, but I noticed with alarm she was breathing in gasps when the truck started to slide on a patch of ice. I had her pull into the parking lot of the local Bank of America which, fortunately, was deserted and stop the car. She was still gasping, and sounded asthmatic. I unbuckled her seat belt, removed her keys from the ignition and pulled her into my lap again, listening to her lungs. I stroked her back telling her she was fine and she could do this. I could tell she was embarrassed as she wouldn't make eye contact with me.

"Bella?"

"Yes?" the floorboard seemed to fascinate her.

"We're across from the hospital. Would you mind if we stopped by for a moment? I need to pick something up from my Father."

"That's fine."

"We can practice in this lot as well and there's more thick ice for you to walk on in your shoes," I explained as I opened the car door lifting her from my lap and setting her carefully on the ground. We walked to the emergency room door. I used what I remembered from being a human and clasped my hand around her upper arm as was proper for my time. But I did not want my singer to fall so took the chance and maintained my hold on her waist.

Once inside, we sat down to remove our ice grippers and I led her to my Father's office. As we walked in the door of the building I called out to him at vampire speed and told him, "I think Bella is having an asthma attack. Her medical history does not indicate asthma, Father." Carlisle met us at his examination room and greeted Bella warmly.

"Edward, I have that migraine medication you needed." He said casually. He then greeted Bella warmly, "Bella, would you mind if I examined you for a moment? Your breathing sounds off." He said.

She looked started and said, "My chest does feel kind of funny. Sure, Dr. Cullen."

Fifty-five minutes later she had a breathing treatment, a new nebulizer and prescriptions filled for asthma medication. Most importantly, we'd taught her how to use her new inhaler. I pocketed several samples of hers to keep around in case she was ill. And insisted Carlisle bring me several epinephrine pens as well to store. We couldn't have her dying due to my negligence. I insisted she make an appointment to have her tested for allergies, as many people with asthma had them, and she had just moved here. I managed to persuade Father to draw blood to check her thyroid and give her a tetanus booster, so I was happy with this visit. I thought ahead to the research I planned to examine on the latest studies on asthma to be prepared to care for her. Asthmatics did not do well in the winter.

Of course, I suggested while we were at it, we should stop by and see Newton. She smiled and agreed. I even went so far as to buy him a floral arrangement from the gift shop in lovely colors of pink and white. It was a sly way of emasculating him, I thought. He looked excited as Bella walked into the room and his face fell as he saw me behind her. I tried not to smirk. We talked for a few moments; long enough to find that he'd be hospitalized for a week.

Newton started fantasizing about what he was going to do to my singer once the doctors removed his casts. Breaking his arms now seemed infinitely more appealing, I thought, as she tugged me out of the room after we said goodbye. I made sure to put my hand on her waist so the idiot could see that she was mine. As we exited the room after a cheery farewell, my look was smug as Newton thought to himself, "Man that Bella looked totally hung up on Cullen and I've never seen her look that happy near any guy in school. Crap."

Sometimes, just sometimes I thought, it was good to be me.

She seemed to have the hang of putting on her ice grippers and I insisted on carrying her bag and being the one to drive, given her hands were too shaky from the breathing treatment. She had a headache which we had attempted to prevent by making her take Motrin. We pulled up to her house as her Father pulled into the driveway.

He looked at me suspiciously, remembering I was the one who had found his daughter the night of the accident. Chief Swan wondered what I was doing acting as her chauffeur, for crying out loud, when she was perfectly capable of driving herself. Although he did think I came from a nice family.

"Hi, Dad."

"Bells."

"You remember Edward."

"Dr. Cullen's boy?" More like old enough to be your great-grandfather, I smiled.

"The very one, sir. How are you feeling?" I reminded him that the last time we'd seen one another he'd been in bed shivering like a snot-nosed child.

"Oh, just dandy."

"Edward has been teaching me how to drive in the snow, Dad."

"Has he? How very gentlemanly of you, Edward."

I thought to myself, that he had no idea how very gentlemanly I really was.

On that note, Mary Alice mercifully pulled up accompanied by her grinning husband and Emmett.

I shook Chief Swan's hand, patted my human awkwardly on the back and promised to see her the next morning.

She looked confused for a moment.

"We're getting three more inches of snow. I'll be here at 6:30."

"Oh," she flushed, "Thank you. I'll see you tomorrow, then."

I noticed she never mentioned to him that she was asthmatic or showed him her medication. Nor did she tell her Mother in her email that night.

When we arrived at the house, I strolled to my room and shut the door. I turned on my stereo raising the music volume. Pulling the bottle cap from my pocket I lifted it to my nose and surreptitiously inhaled her fragrance letting the waves of pleasure wash through me. To preserve the scent, I shrouded it in a plastic bag I had filched from the kitchen, laying it in a small wooden box beside my Mother's ring and the knife that took Sister Claire's life. It would be safe there from the prying eyes of my family.

In the privacy of my mind, I told myself I had taken the bottle cap at lunch because I could carry it with me as a talisman to remind me that not everything in my life was miserable as I thought of my singer's face. I ignored Emmett who had despite my music figured out what I did with his supersensitive hearing. In his mind he asked me if I was enjoying sniffing my human's panties - bottle cap he corrected begging my pardon. I couldn't understand why he was making such a big deal about the stupid bottle cap when I had more of her scent on my sweater - an article of clothing I immediately removed and placed on my bed. I growled loudly in response as he guffawed. I particularly ignored Emmett's suggestion that I engage in deviant activities in the shower with myself, and stomped from the house in moral outrage to the sounds of his laughter.

When Father returned from work, he called a family conference. He asked me to please explain how Mike Newton had two perfectly broken legs. Looking at the ground, I haltingly explained my reasoning as my brothers chortled, particularly when I referred to his crude and vulgar intentions towards my singer and his intention of getting her drunk that night and taking advantage of her virtue. I left out that the thing that had made me ultimately snap, aside from his intention on having unprotected sexual intercourse with my human, was his mental image of dancing with her in his room. Jasper defended me telling Father with embarrassment about the effect that Mike's lust had been having on him at that moment and that my actions had according to Mary Alice prevented 25 teen pregnancies.

Father mildly suggested next time I simply threaten the human or gently punch him in the eye, rather than break bones. And he chided my brothers for encouraging my immature behavior. He argued that my over-reaction had left the Newton's in a financial difficulty and that we were honor bound to rectify the situation. We were all sentenced to volunteer to run Newton's Outfitters while Mike was hospitalized for the next week in our free time after school and on weekends.

He insisted on doing Mike's orthopedic surgery as a discounted rate due to their income. Mrs. Newton was out of town for the week as well, leaving the store in short supply with only her husband there and he was overwhelmed. Father called Mr. Newton and arranged a work schedule in the guise of neighborly assistance. We would all be working after school and on weekends as Alice had predicted there would be no sun in the next two weeks. After nodding in compliance to his lecture, I decided to do some personal research.

I went back to the hospital and rifled through the old medical records of deceased patients that had been kept in a basement vault. It took me two hours of searching at vampire speed, but I finally located her Grandparent's medical files as well as Charlie's. She had a history of asthma on her Father's side. Her Grandfather had died from having an attack that could not be stopped. He had been deathly allergic to bee stings. Her Grandfather had not shown symptoms until his 20's. Her Grandmother had been hospitalized several times with severe asthma and had ultimately expired from an attack as well. Their only child had a history of asthma but refused to take medication for it insisting against doctor's advice that he "felt fine".

My singer's dim-witted parents had never had their daughter screened for the condition. As the only time she saw a doctor typically involved an injury, the condition had gone untreated.

I decided to go watch over my singer. After all, someone needed to keep her safe. And I knew she'd have bad dreams again. And now I had to guard against late night asthma attacks as I knew from my research that asthmatics statistically suffered more attacks at night. She tossed and turned that night and seemed to stop when I hummed my composition to her from across the room. I thought to myself as I watched her later on that night as she talked in her sleep she said the word "Safe" an awful lot, followed by my name. An unlikely combination. Particularly for her. The universe had a ghastly sense of humor, I thought, as I took in a deep breath, reminding myself of all the reasons I didn't want to drink her dry. Safe indeed.

I told myself that she needed to learn how to drive, because I couldn't always be around to stop her from having accidents. A safe singer was a happy singer that I could continue to enjoy. I showed up early the next morning to help her put on her ice grippers. I noticed she had washed her socks that night, realizing that they were the only warm pair she owned. I couldn't buy her another pair as that would humiliate her. And I gritted my teeth at the sight of her wearing another thin cotton shirt and her navy coat. She had my scarf on with the gloves and hat my Mother had given her, I thought, with a smile of satisfaction. I kept myself from rearranging it to cover her more completely. I was contemplating buying her a wool burqua but Starched Shirt Edward complained that the fabric would chafe her skin and she would kick me for being a sexist pig, adoping the religious practices of another culture for selfish reasons.

The predator thought getting her out of the eyes of other males was not a good idea as we needed to clearly show them she belonged with us and that could only be done in public. He groused that we would unfortunately have to behave, and couldn't even have a teensy weensy sip.

After using her inhaler, she said she was ready to take another stab at driving. I had arrived early on purpose so that she would not have to deal with the high school rush hour, and she seemed grateful. She also seemed baffled at me walking her to her car door and opening it for her and shutting it considering that she was driving. I explained that it was how I was raised and she made no further comment. Her driving was considerably better but she was still clearly scared. So was her walking although she slipped once, and I fortunately caught her. We parted at the school door and I asked her again to lunch shyly telling her I'd done some research on asthma.

After rifling through the minds of the more socially adept students around me for over a week, I had rehearsed my approach, role, and wardrobe. I had decided that I needed to use more effort in courting my human. Acting shy for 75 years meant I fell back on that behavior naturally and my social skills were rusty, as Jasper had kindly pointed out to me. And I did not want to embarrass myself. I wanted to be better to earn her time.

By her constant blushing, awkward silences, and nervous eyes, I could tell she was not used to attention from men and attributed that to her shyness. For the first time ever I thanked the damning beauty my nature had given me to attract humans. When I caught her staring at my shoulders on a few occasions and blushing, I had Mary Alice find me slightly more fitted shirts. Alas, that had the downside of causing mass hysteria and disgusting fantasies among many of the female students at Forks high, Jessica Stanley especially. My human's additional weakness seemed to be her self-less nature, one I found baffling but planned to use ruthlessly to my advantage. Because using that against her would make her putty in my hands.

After I had discovered her motivation behind the EdBargo, I had done further research. I had hacked into the local First Century Bank of Forks where she kept her account. She had saved $323 from Phoenix, money she had apparently earned tutoring. She had withdrawn from that account the majority of the money used to buy the card and flowers for my Mother. The rest she had used her spare change and worn bills saved in a jar on her dresser. Even when apologizing she gave everything she had to do the right thing. Finding such purity baffled me, I had long ceased believing in anything noble. But I was willing to entertain the notion that for just a little while, I could pretend to be that for her.

And so began my series of lunch dates with my human. I made sure she was educated on the latest medical research concerning asthma, and even brought her helpful pamphlets that explained her condition. I also told her that I would be carrying an extra inhaler in case she forgot hers.

She looked at me with the same expression that she had offered my Mother the other day. She and I would sit at our own private corner, usually playing chess. I would do my best to pretend we were surrounded by silence so I could cherish this time breathing in her scent. Mentally, I felt relieved I had discovered her love of chess as it offered a safe way to talk given my discomfort and her shyness. We made a wonderfully awkward pair.

But chess, now that was a good way to break the ice. I now understood why the Israelis used playing chess with prisoners as an interrogation technique that proved quite reliable. You could learn so much about someone's mind from watching them plan a battle. My singer constantly surprised me with clever moves, and she had an intuitive feel for the game, although she did not recognize her talent. It surprised me to find her chastising me for a particular move as we debated the merits of each other's strategies. It shocked me even more that she often times was right.

Forks High was distracted from paying attention to me and my human by the arrival of a new student, an exchange student from Florence by the name of Gianni Ghiselli, esquire. At first, the women nearly trampled each other to death in order to have the opportunity to converse with the preening weasel. Watching him through the minds of others, and reading his own pea-sized brain soon revealed an incipient problem.

Mr. Ghiselli liked to touch women inappropriately in public in such a way as he did not get caught, but they felt violated. This continued for three days. Since he hadn't touched my human, I did not intervene. On his third day, however, he started flirting with her in Spanish class and ogling her chest. I decided to end the issue, in the name of chivalry to all human females at Forks High. When the coach stepped out of the gym for a moment, I lifted Gianni by the throat as he reached out for a girl's bottom during the basketball game we were playing. All the other students gawped.

In fluent Italian, with a friendly smile, I chided him for his obscene behavior, shaking him for emphasis a time or seven. "I've noticed you seem to have a problem with appropriate touching of women here in Forks. I'm keen to help you resolve this issue. Let me make this simple for you. I'll use small words. Stop touching the girls."

Emmett added in English, "Dude, the groping of the women has to stop. My brother is right. And you're really lucky he got to you first because Jasper and I aren't so nice. If we hear of you touching any one else, you had better hope he gets to you before we do. We have sisters, and our Parents raised us right when it comes to treating women. Unlike yours."

I continued on in English "Just walking to this class, by my count, you have inappropriately touched seven girls in this room today."

Jasper said, "Either apologize personally to them now, or we will be dragging you to the principal's office and you will obtain the chance to personally express remorse to them in front of their Fathers. In the United States, we have very liberal laws regarding firearm ownership compared to Italy. So, you could expect their Fathers to arrive to school armed." He nodded to me to finish.

I lifted him higher into the air, "Apologize to the women now. And for a brief moment, try to behave as if your Mother taught you manners."

We were not surprised when he eagerly complied. The women in the room were understandably distraught. The men were angry on their behalf. New rumors swept through school regarding Cullen chivalry. And apparently I was now being referred to as a "hottie" by the linguistically challenged Jessica Stanley. My brothers, too.

At lunch, Gianni pranced into the room spoiling for a fight. The women who had previously been lusting after him now stared frostily when he flirted. That damn freaky family had ruined a perfectly good opportunity he had to seduce the entire school. He decided he needed to even the playing field. What better way than to steal the plain girl that guy sat with at lunch? The one he was so protective of? It would be fitting. Gianni was, after all, Italian and understood the concept of vengeance. He was related to Machiavelli. And my singer was not plain.

He loudly walked by our table and said to my human, "When you're tired of spending time with that pale freak and want to see what a real man can do, come find me, bellisima. He isn't worthy to kiss the bottom of your shoe." He did have a point. I wasn't. But hell would freeze over before I permitted him to kiss her shoe, or any other part of her.

The cafeteria fell silent.

My singer blanched for a brief moment and got a panicked look on her face. I wanted to annihilate him where he stood for making her nervous.

She gulped, and cleared her throat, squirming in her chair. In the silence of the cafeteria her soft voice echoed, "I'm every bit as pale as he is, so I guess that makes me a freak, too."

Gianni looked horrified. He approached the table hand outreached to touch her cheek and my human ducked away. I quickly reached across the table and caught Gianni's forearm in a vise-like grip. In a very friendly tone in Italian I said, "If you ever touch her, by the time I am done, you will beg me to die." I let him see the beast within my eyes.

Jasper added in Italian. "You also seem to forget that he comes from a large family. A very close large family. With relatives in Italy. Lots of them. Who don't mind visiting yours and paying their utmost respects." He directed fear solely at Gianni.

My human gave the coup de grace. She looked at Gianni weighing and dismissing him with a not so subtle glance. "Gianni, thank you, but I have lunch with 'a real man' every day. Have a nice day."

At her nod, I released his arm. It was good to occasionally let her think she was in control.

He fled like all good cowards do. Jasper made him wet his pants from fear as he exited the cafeteria.

Carefully, she moved her pawn on the board smiled shyly and said, "Check."

Drat. My human did it again. Foiled by a female. Looking into her triumphant grin, I thought I could get used to this. Losing never felt so good. For right now, it suited me to let her be on top. Of the world that is.

Snarky Summary

Edward realizes that he completely misinterpreted the EdBargo. Bella bought his lies and has been under the impression she nearly killed all the Cullen siblings last month. Now she's terrified to drive in snow, and has to his delight developed asthma as well as PTSD. Now he has more reasons to stalk, I mean court, his singer. Edward is becoming increasingly protective of her, but at the same time both he and Bella are painfully shy and he literally does not know how to communicate with her. Edward has a vision when touching Bella of his human life where he feels his human Mother touching his face. Edward volunteers to teach Bella how to drive in snow. In the process he discovers she has asthma. They begin meeting for lunch to play chess. And a rather colorful character by the name of Gianni causes chaos at Forks high.

Here's a teaser for the next chapter:

My human's hair was wild and she had a satisfied smile on her flushed face as she rubbed it against the sheets that held my scent. The fact that Alice could smell both my singer and I made this look all that much worse. I had never been caught in a compromising position with any woman ever and felt positively mortified.

Please review it feeds my low self-esteem. Starched Shirt Edward needs some love.