Rating:M

Bitter

Chapter 14

A/n: My God; I'm so sorry this fell into hiatus. I know a lot has happened in between; my computer crashed, I lost my update for this story, and since have gotten a new computer—which ALSO crashed, erasing the re-write –facepalm- and gave me writer's block, my Grandma died ]: I've moved twice, graduated college, had a baby AND was severely sick! But that's no excuse. I should have finished this a long time ago and I feel like I've been horrible to you, dear fans. I nearly died too, and you probably would've just thought I'd given up on writing ]: (BTW, If I haven't updated anything in a year, assume I've died. Otherwise if I decide to stop writing, which I most likely will not do, I will be courteous to let you know). SO after rereading the entire story, I'm determined to finish it for you (:

There's probably going to be one more chapter after this one.

xXx

Roxas woke up alone, sitting up as he stretched.

"Axel?" He called out, looking around.

"In here!" Roxas got up, going out into the living room. He smiled at the red-head who was sitting on the couch, browsing the internet with his laptop.

"What are you doing?" Beautiful green eyes locked with ocean blue. Axel smiled widely, shutting the laptop and setting it down. Then he patted the spot beside him. Roxas sat down beside him.

"Researching."

"Researching what?" Roxas asked, his heart fluttering a little. Axel smiled.

"What's safe and what isn't."

"And?"

"Sharing cups and stuff's okay," he whispered, fingers gently caressing the side of the blond's face, "And kissing," he whispered, leaning in and gently kissing the blond, "and sex, with condoms." Roxas' heart pounded. "But, if you don't want to have sex, I'm happy just to be with you. We do the other stuff already."

"Y-you're not scared to be around me?"

"I've been fine so far." Roxas hugged the red-head.

"Thank you for understanding… I've never told anyone before. Growing up, I was so scared that other people would hate me." Axel smiled.

"Your secret's safe with me." Roxas laughed a little.

"Good. I… don't want to have sex… It'd kill me if you caught this…"

"Okay, that's fine." Roxas smiled widely then hesitated.

"Are you still mad at me?" Axel bit his lower lip.

"I'll forgive you on one condition."

"What?"

"I don't want you to lie to me anymore. Okay?"

"Alright," he promised.

xXx

Roxas smiled at his red-head, kissing his forehead before pulling away. They'd had a long day of unpacking and bringing Roxas' belongings into Axel's room. Finally, after dinner, the two had decided to lie down and just hold one another. Axel had fallen asleep, whereas Roxas had not. "I love you," he whispered before slipping out of bed. He glanced back at the sleeping red-head, smiling. Smile widening, he went into the living room and called his brother. He frowned a little. It was raining out.

"Hello?"

"Hey Cloud."

"Roxas, is everything okay?" Roxas smiled.

"Everything's perfect," he said, beaming. Cloud smiled.

"That makes me happy to hear! I'm glad that you're so happy!"

"Axel knows." Cloud's smile widened.

"I told you he'd understand."

"How did you know?"

"Because I've never heard you sound so happy," the blond said chuckling. "I really am glad that you're so happy sweetheart. You deserve to be." Roxas sniffled as he began to cry.

"Thank you. I hope you find some happiness again too…" Cloud hesitated for a long time.

"I'm sure I will. Leon… He's been a really good friend. H-he's been helping me a lot w-with…" Roxas closed his eyes as his brother fell apart.

"I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up…"

"N-no I'm sorry…"

"Don't be…" Roxas closed his eyes. "Why didn't you tell me you were hurting so much? I wouldn't have left…" Cloud shook his head.

"Then I'm glad that I didn't."

"Why?"

"Roxas… you've been miserable for eight years and that boy makes you happy. You deserve to be happy…" Roxas bit his lower lip, thinking hard.

"No I don't… I don't deserve Axel…" Maybe he should've thought about Cloud more and been there for him, for once in his pathetic life.

"Why?"

"Cloud… he deserves to be with someone that he can spend the rest of his life with…" Roxas gasped in surprise when arms wrapped around him from behind and Axel's chin rested on top of his head.

"Rox?"

"I want to live out the rest of your life with you. You'd miss me too much if I died first." Roxas' eyes widened. Cloud smiled at what he'd overheard.

"He's got a point. I'll let you go, honey. Be good." Roxas nodded dumbly as the line went dead.

"I didn't think you'd hear me."

"I didn't mean to eavesdrop… but you sounded upset so I wanted to know what was wrong." Roxas turned around in Axel's arms, absentmindedly gripping his phone.

"Well… I love you and I… I want you to be happiest. I can't do that for you, so I don't deserve you." Axel pressed his forehead to Roxas.

"You're right." Roxas closed his eyes. "It's obvious to me that you love me. So much, that, you're willing to give up your happiness for mine." The blond blushed. "I just wish that you could see…" he said, grasping Roxas' hands, "You are what makes me happiest." Roxas' hands trembled and he began to cry. "I'm much more willing to take a risk with you than without you."

"You're so wonderful… It isn't fair…" Axel sighed gently.

"Life… isn't fair." Roxas sobbed. The red-head shook his head. "No, no… Don't do that…" Roxas bit his lower lip. "C'mon, give me that beautiful smile that I love," he insisted. Roxas laughed a little. "There, that's better."

"Thanks." Axel smiled and hugged the blond.

"No problem."

xXx

Roxas woke to Axel shaking him.

"Mmn," he huffed wordlessly, batting the red-head's hand away and rolling over. Axel laughed and pulled the covers away. Roxas scoffed at him.

"Why are you so irritable?"

"I don't wake you up." The red-head laughed again.

"But I have something important to tell you." Roxas pouted a little then rubbed at his eyes to wake himself up.

"What is it?"

"I called the school and requested a later starting date." Roxas blinked.

"Why?"

"I want to spend as much time with you as I can." He gasped when Roxas hugged him.

"Thank you." Axel smiled.

"I'm just happy for the three extra school-free months that I get to spend with you."

"Me too."

"Oh! And I get to work hard to give you the best birthday you've ever had!" Roxas reddened.

"How did you know that my birthday's coming up?"

"Let's just say that Cloud's warming up to me." The smaller boy laughed.

"I'm glad."

xXx

They transitioned into living together well and before they knew it, a month had passed. Roxas smiled at his red-head as they sat on the couch together. They still had two more months before Axel was to start school and each boy had fallen dangerously further in love with the other. It made Axel want to do something very special for Roxas, and so, he was composing a song for Roxas' birthday that he wanted to get done in time to play for him. He didn't know how many birthdays he'd get to spend with the blond so, as he'd said, he wanted to make this one the best that Roxas had ever had.

"Why're you smiling?" he whispered, smiling himself.

"Because I love you and I'm happy." Axel's smile widened.

"I'm so glad that you're so happy here, with me."

"Me too." The red-head leant in, closing the space between them, tasting the blond's lips. Roxas kissed him back a little timidly. Axel pushed the smaller boy down, kissing him again, gently this time.

"Is this okay?"

"Yes." Axel climbed on top of him and Roxas' hands wove themselves into fiery red hair. "Please kiss me again." The red-head smiled then did as Roxas asked. The blond responded, brushing his tongue against Axel's when the red-head deepened the kiss, ravishing his mouth. He pulled him down and closer, gasping when hands slid up his shirt, memorizing his chest with them before hesitating.

Axel pressed his forehead to Roxas' as the blond panted. "I wish that I could touch you more," he whispered, fingering Roxas' arousal through his pants. "I wish… that I could drive you wild." Roxas smiled.

"It means so much more to me that you can't do those things to me, no matter how badly you want to, yet you still want to be with me."

"But… I wish that I could make you feel good."

"You do make me feel good, Axel. More importantly, you make me so happy." The red-head smiled and kissed Roxas again before just holding him. "Hey, Axe?"

"Yeah?"

"I've got to go home in a week." Axel blinked, staring down at the blond curiously.

"What for?"

"I… get checkups four times a year, just to make sure I'm okay. It eases Cloud's mind." Axel nodded.

"Alright. Do you want me to go with you?" Roxas shook his head.

"It'd be nice to spend some time with Cloud. I miss him…" The older boy nodded again.

"I completely understand."

"Thank you." Axel smiled.

"Not a problem." Roxas smiled too, wrapping his arms around his love again and pulling him into his chest so that they could hold one another. He never wanted to let go.

xXx

"Roxas… your CD4 level has dropped dramatically…" the blond closed his eyes. He'd been waiting to hear those words for almost nine years, so he knew exactly what they meant, "we recommend that you start advanced treatments to-" The blond shook his head, starting to cry.

"I… I just want to spend the rest of my time with Axel."

"Roxas, you'll die sooner. The AIDS will-" Sad blue eyes locked with those of his physician he'd had since he was little—Dr. Vexen White.

"Regardless, I'll die of an infection and I'm not going to die in a hospital, Doctor, not when I can die in the arms of someone who loves me. Please don't tell Cloud about this." The Doctor hesitated.

"Alright."

xXx

Cloud smiled at his brother as he came into the waiting room.

"Hey honey! How'd it go?" Roxas swallowed his fears and smiled back. He needed to convince Cloud that he was fine.

"Great! Hey, I'll be right back… I have to make my next appointment okay?" The older blond smiled. "Alright." Roxas went to the counter, handing in the Doctor's order for his next appointment. The receptionist took a few minutes because she had to answer the phone, but Roxas didn't mind very much. It gave him time to pull himself together. She smiled at him warmly when she handed him his appointment card. He smiled back. She'd worked here for a long time.

"Here you go Roxas, see you in the fall." Roxas' lips trembled as he smiled.

"Yeah. See you then," he replied before walking back to his brother.

"Should we celebrate your health and your happiness?"

"Nah, I don't want to jinx myself. Let's just celebrate because we're together." Cloud hugged his brother.

"Alright."

xXx

Axel smiled brightly as Roxas entered their apartment three hours later. "Hey beautiful, how'd your Doctor visit go?" Roxas smiled.

"Just fine." He grasped Axel's shoulders and stood on his toes, his smile widening just before he kissed the red-head. "I love you." Axel smiled back.

"I love you too." Roxas coughed a little. "Are you okay?" The blond smiled.

"Yeah, must just be a cold." He turned away to hide the sadness he felt. He'd been coughing for an entire week before he'd gone to the doctor and with the AIDS about to run rampant and kill off his white blood cells alarmingly fast… he knew it wasn't a good thing. "I'm gonna make some iced tea. Do you want any?"

"Yeah, that sounds nice." Roxas smiled back at the red-head.

"Okay."

xXx

Roxas smiled, picking up the finished tea as Axel played a beautiful song on the piano. They'd moved the piano into the smaller bedroom, since they were sharing a room, so that they had a bigger living space in the living room. He walked into the room and Axel stopped playing to drink tea with Roxas.

"Thanks." Roxas smiled warmly.

"You're welcome."

"So… Your birthday's in two weeks and I was wondering what you wanted to do." Roxas' smile widened.

"Well, Cloud's coming up, if that's okay," Axel laughed.

"Of course it is."

"Good." The blond leant back in his chair. "I don't know… maybe we can go to the ocean. You haven't taken me there yet."

"That sounds like fun."

"Yeah."

"Can I draw a heart in the sand and sit in it with you as we watch the sun set? Or will your brother feel left out?" Roxas smiled at the sweet idea.

"I think he'll be alright. He's bringing his new girlfriend for me to meet." Axel blinked.

"I thought he liked Leon." Roxas blushed.

"Well… he said he was bringing someone for me to meet anyway. I was thinking it'd be his new friend, Yuffie." Axel hummed.

"Well they can spend the night if they need to; the couch has a hide-a-bed." Roxas smiled.

"Sounds great." He took a drink of tea. "Will you play for me?" he asked, glancing at the piano.

"Of course," he said, setting his tea down before beginning to play. It surprised Roxas because Axel usually asked what song he wanted him to play.

This new, bittersweet and beautiful melody made Roxas' spine tingle and his eyes water. It was absolutely stunning. "Who wrote that?" He asked when Axel stopped playing.

"I did." Roxas gasped.

"Really?"

"Yes. Do you like it?" Tears slid down Roxas' face.

"It's breathtaking." Axel smiled.

"Good… because it's for you." Roxas gasped again.

"Really?" Axel nodded.

"Yeah. It's inspired by you and the feelings I have for you in my heart and in my soul. It's meant for your birthday and is unfinished… but it just felt right to play it for you now." The blond wiped his eyes as he cried harder.

"I didn't realize that I was such a big part of your heart."

"You are." Roxas smiled.

"Then I will always live on in your heart and in your soul. Even when I'm gone, I will never die. And when you play this song for me, I'll come alive as you pour me into your music. I'll always be close to you."

Brilliant green eyes searched Roxas'. "Why are you talking like that?" Roxas smiled.

"Because, when my time comes, I want you to know that I'll never be far away. I don't want you to be sad." Tears slid down Axel's cheeks.

"God, Roxas. I don't know what I'm going to do when that day comes." Roxas frowned, feeling his heart break.

"Will you help Cloud through it?" He asked, knowing that they'd help each other if he did. Axel grasped Roxas' hands.

"Why are you talking like this? You're scaring me." Roxas shook his head.

"I just want my loved ones to be taken care of when I die. Is that so bad?" Axel calmed.

"Alright… I will. I promise." Roxas smiled brightly then kissed the red-head. When he pulled back, he went into a coughing fit. Axel looked concerned. "Are you okay? Maybe you should get that looked at." Roxas shook his head, giving the red-head a cheerful smile.

"I was just there, remember? I'll be fine."

"Alright." Roxas hugged the red-head.

"I'm gonna go take a shower okay?" Axel's chin rested on top of his head.

"Yeah, okay." Roxas pulled away, kissing his cheek before going into the bathroom. As soon as he'd shut and locked the door behind him, tears slid down his cheeks as his lips trembled. He turned on the water, took off his clothes, then got in and cried his eyes out.

xXx

The days leading up to Roxas' seventeenth birthday flew by quickly and as they did, Roxas' cough got progressively worse. Of course, he did his best to hide it from Axel who kept insisting that he go back to the doctor. He felt absolutely miserable and achy and had a fever, but he already knew it'd do no good. He wouldn't recover and he wanted to die in Axel's arms. Nowhere else.

Soon, before either of them knew it, they were in bed, the night before the blond's birthday, just holding one another. Roxas had called Cloud, telling him that he missed him and that he loved him, like he did every night. When he was done, Axel bit his lower lip; he had something important to ask Roxas.

"Can I ask you something serious? You can just consider it if you want to." Roxas propped himself up.

"Of course you can."

"Will you marry me?" Roxas smiled widely, even though he was exhausted, excitement clearly showing on his face.

"Of course I will! When?"

"Tomorrow. On the beach, for your birthday." Roxas' eyes shined brilliantly as tears slid down his cheeks.

"Of course I will!" Axel smiled broadly, kissing the blond.

"Perfect." Roxas smiled.

"Yes, it will be." Axel laughed, brushing Roxas' hair out of his eyes lovingly.

"I love you." Roxas smiled, kissing the red-head's hands.

"I love you more," he whispered, kissing the red-head one more time, each of them holding the other as they fell asleep.

xXx

Axel woke early then smiled at the blond in his arms. "Happy birthday, beautiful," he whispered, kissing Roxas' forehead, "I can't wait to marry you." He pulled back when Roxas didn't smile and snuggle closer like he usually did. "Rox?" He questioned. He shook the blond but Roxas didn't wake. Axel gasped, panicking—Roxas was so cold… He felt for a pulse. There was none. "Oh no... n-no!" Tears slid down the red-head's face. "R-Roxas! N-no! C-come b-ba-ack!" he barely managed, his voice cracking as he began to cry. "Please…" He held the blond to himself as he shook uncontrollably, filled with a raw and unfamiliar pain. "Please, please, please come back, I don't want to live without you!" He sobbed over and over as his heart broke beyond repair.

xXx

-TBC-

A/n: Love it? Hate it? Let me know please? Thanks