Finally -- a chapter that's one of my longer ones! hehe I'm not big on writing extremely long chapters, but lately I've felt like my chapters have been a little too short. That's going to change, starting now. Enjoy chapter 14 and thanks for waiting!

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Chapter Fourteen

- Losing Hope -

It was evening on the Destiny Islands, and a few people were talking outside Kairi's house. I could hear the murmuring of their voices; the sound was easily carried by the soft breeze to my window.

I was in Kairi's room, gazing outside on her bed. The sunset glowed through and bathed me in a pale golden light. I glanced at the sky and realized with a small sigh of relief that it would be a long time before another hurricane came to visit. Yet, I couldn't enjoy it.

I couldn't stop wondering if Sora was all right. The unforgettable look of fear in his eyes…the images of him dissapearing into the ocean…they played over and over again in my mind like a never ending nightmare. I felt like I wanted to scream.

A sudden waft of sweet island air blew in and teased my hair into my eyes. Usually I would have fixed it back into place, but I paid no attention, and was so deep in thought that I ignored the creak of Kairi's door as someone else entered the room.

Kairi stood behind me, twirling a small piece of her hair with a finger. "It's nice."

I turned and gave her a puzzled look. "Huh?"

Kairi chuckled. "Just look outside!" she murmured, almost in awe. "No storm tonight. The sky's as clear as can be!" She sat down next to me on the bed, eagerly waiting for a response. I said nothing. Kairi uttered an impatient sniff. "Doesn't that make you – happy?"

"Mm-hmm," I mumbled.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Kairi frown at the wall. "Jess…it'll be okay."

I shot her a piercing look. "You don't understand! You're…you're acting as if everything's fine, and it's not! Sora could be dead for all we know!" It took a lot of effort for me to say the last few words and I felt a spasm of unbearable anguish knaw through me. The tears were coming again; I tried to hold them in, but it was like trying to control traffic at rush hour. I quickly wiped my eyes in frustration and looked away, unable to meet Kairi's gaze. I could feel the despair that swept over her, and the space was still for a long time.

I had expected Kairi to leave the room because of the sudden tension that had formed between us, but after a few minutes she spoke to me in a calm voice. "You're more than just worried about Sora, aren't you?"

I sniffed and frowned at her. "What do you mean?"

Kairi rolled her eyes and stared at me. "Come on, Jess. You and Sora were together a lot before the hurricane, collecting food and whatnot. What exactly went on between you two?"

"Nothing!" I told her defensively. Even though I had never gone past the thought of being Sora's friend, I knew my feelings for him went deeper than that. Recalling past conversations and things that had happened between us, I slowly realized with bewilderment that I had become more than a friend to Sora – without even knowing it.

"May I be alone?" I asked Kairi, giving her an I hope you understand look. She must have, for she smiled gently and patted me on the back. "Sure," she said, getting up and closing the door slowly behind her. There was a lonely silence in the room for a few seconds.

I buried my head in her pillow and sobbed.

- - -

The next morning I woke up before anyone else did. Slipping quietly into the bathroom and putting my hair back in its usual ponytail, I got dressed and headed outside after fixing breakfast. I was glad that Kairi and her father were sleeping later than usual – Mrs. Hiratada was in the hospital for some minor pregnancy complications, and they had stayed with her for most of the night. I was thankful that I could have some time to myself.

Even though it was still dark, the morning looked promising. Street lamps illuminated the weathered dirt of the path and the fireflies lazily hummed around me in every direction. I could hear the night birds still twittering softly in the palm trees above and uttered a small sigh, wishing I knew how to deal with all my mixed emotions. I hardly noticed the slight hint of pink above that signaled a future sunrise; instead I kept on walking.

Most houses I passed on my walk were still quiet – even so, they appeared just as welcoming and pleasant to the eye in the dim morning light. Not wanting to waste any time, I continued on past the dwellings of Tidus and Wakka. A small car was pulling out of the garage at Selphie's house, and I saw that Riku had kept his aquarium light on in his room again. Amazingly, things seemed to be the way they were before the hurricane – calm and undisturbed. I began to hum softly to myself and rounded a bend in the road, heart beginning to thump.

Finally I came to Sora's house. It was sitting comfortably on a hill, nestled among small palms and hibiscus bushes. There was a perfect view of The Falls in the distance, and as I gazed at the terra cotta tiles and smooth adobe walls of the house, memories flooded my consciousness. Memories of barbecues and late-night blitzball matches on TV…with raspberry lemonade and sugar cookies. Sora's mom always made the best sugar cookies…

I took a deep breath and walked to the door, unable to dwell on the past. I stood there in front of it for a few minutes, my brain suddenly feeling numb. What am I doing here? Why the heck did I get up so early to come to Sora's house in the first place? After feebly attempting to collect my thoughts, I knocked hesitantly on the door.

A few seconds later I heard footsteps from within, then the definite click of the doorknob. Mr. Ishiyama peered through the small crack with tired eyes; for a heartbeat it alarmed me that he didn't seem to know who I was. "Jessica?" he suddenly whispered, opening the door wider. Sora had inherited so many of his father's features (including those baby blue eyes) that for a moment I thought I was actually looking at him, and pushed the thought away.

"Uh, yeah…hi." I smiled nervously.

Mr. Ishyama's face softened. "Hi."

"Um…any clues as to where Sora…may be?"

Mr. Ishiyama hung his head sorrowfully, and I immediately regretted knocking on the door. "No. As soon as it gets light we're going to search for him again." The saddest look appeared on his face – the kind of hopeless expression one gets when they feel the world is caving in on them. I wanted so badly to tell him what had happened during the storm and what I had seen, but the words wouldn't come. All I could do was try and swallow the lump in my throat and politely nod. He smiled grimly and said something more, then turned at the sound of Mrs. Ishiyama's voice from inside and said a quick farewell. I was faced the front of the door again as if nothing had happened, suddenly feeling like a complete idiot.

As I headed for home, I thought of Mr. Ishiyama's expression. He seemed so overwrought. So helpless. I hated seeing that Sora's own parents were losing hope. I could tell they were just by the tone in his father's voice, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it may be better to give up – and not have a false hope that Sora had survived. I couldn't bring myself to be optimistic when I remembered how things had happened at the beach, and felt as if I was floundering in the middle of the ocean with no way out.

Ignoring the sunrise, I ran back to Kairi's house as fast as I could.