A/N: Thanks to all who reviewed! Here's the next chapter - Sakura's thoughts are quite angsty and full of a mild form of self hate. We think the title of the chapter speaks for itself.
Chapter 13- Breakdown
It was freezing cold, but I didn't care. I was too busy trying to dodge Sasuke's snowballs. We were having a snowball fight in his backyard, which was huge!
"Sasuke!" I yelled when one of his snowballs hit me on the shoulder. He just laughed. "Oh, you are so going to pay." I grabbed a large amount of snow and shaped in into a ball. I aimed at Sasuke's face and threw. I missed, but it hit him on the chest instead. He staggered back a bit from the impact.
"That was luck," he said, already aiming a snowball at me. I ducked at the last second.
"Missed!" I called out. "Los-." A snowball hit me on my arm. "Hey!"
"It's not my fault that you weren't paying attention," Sasuke said smiling.
In retaliation, I threw a snowball at Sasuke's leg, causing him to slow down. I threw another one at his arm.
"Sakura, that wasn't fair," he said, stooping to grab snow from the ground. I quickly ran, laughing. I felt a snowball hit my back.
"Sasuke, that also wasn't fair. I had my back turned to you," I said.
"You're right. I'm sorry," he said, coming towards me.
"You should be," I said, throwing a snowball (that I had behind my back) at his face. Bullseye!
"Sakura!" he said, getting snow off his face. I ran and he chased me across his backyard. Once he caught me in his arms, we tumbled to the ground, laughing.
"Okay, okay, I'm sorry," I said in between laughs. "Damn Sasuke, you're heavy!" He was lying on top of me, caressing my neck. He leaned in to kiss me. His lips were cold, but mine probably were as well.
"Is it selfish to want you all to myself?" Sasuke asked, kissing my collarbone. There was only few skin that wasn't covered by clothes and jackets. He was asking a question, but I don't think he expected an answer. "Sakura, look at me." I obeyed. "Do you think what we have can last forever?"
"I hope so," I said, tracing the outline of his jaw with my finger.
"What are you thinking about right now?" he said.
"How handsome you look," I replied, "on the inside. I like those sweet things you say to me. They show a side of you that only I get to see. It makes me feel special."
"That's because you are," Sasuke said, kissing me again. "Come on, let's go back inside. It's cold out here." He got off me and offered me his hand. I took it and he pulled me up. Together, hands intertwined, we walked to Sasuke's living room where one of the maids offered us hot chocolate.
"This day has been perfect," I said, snuggling up to Sasuke on the couch. The fireplace was ablazed with flamed logs heating us. I settled my head on his shoulder.
"What time's Ino's party?" Sasuke asked.
"It's at eight," I said, looking st the grandfather clock. "We have a little more than two hours left."
"You want to watch a movie?" Sasuke suggested.
"Fine," I said. We ended up watching this action/adventure movie that had no romance in it. It was okay, I guess, except for the fighting scenes which had a lot of blood in them.
After the movie ended, I grabbed my bag that had the clothes I was going to change into for the party. "Sasuke, where are the guests rooms?" I asked.
"This way," He said, climbing up the satirs. I followed. He turned left, then right before stopping in front of a closed door.
"You better not walk in on me undressing you perv," I said, my hand on the doorknob.
"I won't. And I'm not a pervert," Sasuke said. I opened the door and walked in.
"Oh, what do you know. It has a lock," I said closing the door and immediately locking it. I opened my bag and took out my "party" clothes. They consisted of a pink v-neck sweater, black pants that made my waist look slimmer, and a black hairband for my head.
I really wanted to impress Sasuke tonight so I put on make-up. I played up my eyes with a kohl eyeliner, a pale pink eyeshadow, and a lengthening mascara. I applied a bit of blush and a shiny lipgloss. I looked at myself in the mirror and liked the finishing touches. Because I was weaing a push-up bra, you could see what litttle cleavage I had.
I turned to my left and looked at my stomach area. It didn't look different, except for the little weight I put on. But because of P.E., I still have a fit body. It's been a month now and nobody's been able to tell that I'm pregnant. But for how long can I keep up with this charade?
I can't worry about this right now. Tonight, I'm going to have a good time with all my friends.
"Sakura? Are you done yet?" Sasuke asked, knocking on the door.
"Yeah," I called out. I grabbed my over-night bag since I was going to stay over at Ino's house afterwards. I unlocked the door and opened it, only to see a gaping Uchiha.
"You look...wow," Sasuke said, giving me a quick inspection up and down. His eyes lingered on a certain spot before looking at me again.
"You don't look so bad yoursself," I said. He was wearing a form-fitting blue long-sleeved shirt with somewhat baggy jeans. Overall affect: completely hot.
"Yeah but you look absolutely breathtaking," he said.
"Thanks," I said blushing a bit. "Let's go. I don't want to be too late. Ino's parties are always insane."
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"Sakura! Sasuke! I'm so glad you could come!" Ino yelled over the loud music. There were at least 80 teenagers crammed into Ino's kitchen and living room. There were probably more people in other parts of the house.
"Ino, are you sure your parents aren't going to notice that you had a party?" I yelled.
"No. Not if they don't trash the place!" Ino said.
"Hey Sasuke!" Naruto shouted, joining in our conversation. "Did you just get here?!"
"Yeah!" Sasuke yelled.
"Someone turn down the music!" Ino said. "Geez! I can't even hear myself think."
"Where's Shikamaru?" I asked. Someone did turn down the music, but not by much. At least I don't have to yell now.
"Getting drinks," Ino replied. "So Sasuke, how are you treating Sakura?"
"Not like my brother did, that's for sure," Sasuke said putting an arm aroud my waist. "I think I'm nice to you, aren't I?" he asked, smiling at me.
"Yes you are," I said, giving him a kiss on the cheek.
"Awww!" Ino said. "How sweet!"
"Ewww!" Naruto said, "How gross!"
"Here's your drink Ino. Diet coke, right?" Shikamaru said. Ino nodded her head, grabbing her cup. "Yo S and S," he said, seeing us.
"S and S? Are you so lazy now you can't even say our names?" I said.
"Yes and no. I just felt like it," Shikamaru said.
"Hey guys," Hinata said.
"Hinata!" Naruto exclaimed. "Finally someone normal I can talk to. These four love birds are making me puke."
"Someone's puking already? But I just brought the beer," Gaara said, carrying two cases in his hands. People swept in like vultures to get their hands on the beer. "Relax, there's more where that came from," Gaara said, going to the kitchen and getting cups.
"We're going to have a whole lot of drunk kids," Shikamaru stated.
Chouji, Tenten, and Neji came later and we all talked and joked around, ignoring the sound of broken glass ("Hey! That cost $65! Someone has to pay for that vase!" Ino said). Gaara and Mina (who turned out to be pretty cool) sat down on one of the couched and coulnd't keep their hands off each other. Ino and Shikamaru were dancing to the loud, yet infectious, music blasting on the stereo. Actually, a lot of people were dancing and it looked like fun.
"Come on Sasuke, dance with me!" I said, pouting my lips. "Please?"
"Sakura, I don't know how to dance," he said.
"You don't know how to dance? It's okay, I'll teach you," I said, pulling him to a spot where the furniture was pushed back to make a small dance floor.
"The music's too fast," Sasuke said.
"So? It's more fun this way," I said, beginning to move in time with the music. Sasuke just stood there, not knowing what to do. "Sasuke's it's not that hard. Just let yourself go."
"People are grinding on each other," Sasuke said. "Are we supposed to do that too?"
"No. Not if we don't want to," I said. "Okay, just do what I do."
After a couple of songs, Sasuke got it. Actually, he wasn't that bad of a dancer. He had nice rythem, for one thing. The "dancefloor" got crowded and there was little room to move. I was pressed against bodies of people that I don't even know. Sasuke grabbed my arm and pulled me closer to him.
"Let's go somewhere less crowded," he whispered in my ear. I nodded my head as we made our way upstairs. There was hardly anyone up here, except for two girls gossiping. They immediately stopped talking when they saw Sasuke and I.
"Oh Sasuke! We didn't know you were here!" one of them said.
"You look great! Have you been working out?" the brunette said. Are they flirting with him? In front of me?
"Girls, can you move? You're blocking our way," I said. They looked at me, sneering.
"Of course," the black-haired girl said sweetly. Too sweetly. She and her friend moved and walked downstairs, whispering to each other.
"Geez, I really hate fangirls," I said.
"Me too," Sasuke said, heading towards a room, Ino's parents' bedroom I think. He turned on the lights and quietly closed the door. I felt awkward being here, but looking at Sasuke made me forget about this awkwardness.
We began kissing each other, involving our tongues to interact together. Somehow we made it to the bed, where Sasuke collapsed on me. I ignored the little pain I had in my stomach and enjoyed Sasuke's touch on my body. I felt his hand on my breast briefly, before he moved it.
"Uh..I'm sorry," Sasuke said, blushing a bit. He really is a gentleman.
"No, it's okay. It feels nice," I said, placing his hand on my breast again.
"Are you sure?" he asked. I nodded, giving him a look of approval. Slowly, he began massaging my curvy chest, feeling the tenderness of it, hidden beneath fabric. It occured to me that I'm the first girl Sasuke has ever touched in this way. "Does this feel weird to you? Does it hurt?" Sasuke asked. I shook my head no.
"Just don't stop," I said, kissing him on the neck. I could smell his cologne.
We spent blissful minutes like this. We hadn't talked about sex yet, but we both knew we weren't ready for it. My body was aching for his, but...I haven't even told him that I love him. I am in love with Sasuke Uchiha. And somewhere, deep in my heart, I know he loves me too. It's an unspoken truth. I'm just waiting for him to say it. Then I can completely surrender myself (and my heart) to him.
"Sasuke," I laughed. He had lifted my sweater a few inches and was tickling my stomach. I was giggling uncontrollably. He leaned his head in to kiss my belly button. I froze. Could he somehow sense it? I quickly pulled my sweater down.
"Did I do something wrong?" Sasuke asked, seeing how upset I was. But he was mistaken. He didn't do anything wrong. He was perfect. I was the one with something wrong.
"N-No. I just don't feel comfortable yet," I lied. Every pulsating vein in me knew I was lying. If anything, I feel more comfortable being with Sasuke than anybody else.
"But I thought...the way things were going... everything was going good," Sasuke said. We were sitting on the bed, facing each other.
"It was. It's just that...Sasuke, when do you want to have sex with me?" I asked straightforward. Sasuke looked at me affection in his eyes.
"On a special night when everything just feels right. I don't want to rush something so important as sex. Especially with you. I want our first time to be special," he said.
"So do I," I said, holding his hand.
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We came back downstairs, wanting to get something to drink. I eyed the cans of beer with interest. Maybe I can...kill it this way. Yes. This is the answer to all my shitty problems. I opened a can and poured the contents in a plastic cup.
"Sakura, are you sure you should be drinking?" Sasuke asked me. He himself grabbed a can.
"Yeah. I'm going to stay here at Ino's, so it's cool," I said, taking a sip. But that will do nothing.
"Yo Sasuke! Come here!" Neji called out. He was with the other guys, talking. Sasuke looked at me.
"It's okay, go with them," I said. "I'll be fine by myself." Sasuke gave me a quick peck on the lips before leaving to go with his buddies. The only thing that was on my mind was to finish drinking this beer.
I gulped it down with a relish. Done. One cup- not enough. It's not enough to kill it. More. I need more. I served myself another cup. Drinking this one was harder. I could feel the affects starting to happen. I began feeling dizzy and unbalanced. I sat down on a chair.
Two cups- it's probably suffering. Good. Can you feel that baby? Is is hurting you? Is it causing you pain, like you are doing to me? Die. Why won't you die?
I was losing it. The acrid taste of beer mixed in with my salty tears. I wiped them away, my only focus was to drink. Drink until... I destroyed it.
Three cups- is it pain? Is it dead yet? No, not yet. I need to drink more.
I hate you, you know that? You're ruining my life. You and Kenji. But at least Kenji is gone. And soon, you will be too. I'll be able to fit in my jeans better and I won't feel so disgusted with myself. Or will that feelinf ever go away? No matter how much I scrub at my skin, I still feel dirty and filthy.
"Sakura?" I looked up to see Ino standing in front of me.
"How much have you been drinking?" she asked.
"Oh, I don't knoooow, four cups I think," I said, slurring my words.
"Four? Oh Sakura," Ino said, taking my cup away from me.
"No, give it baaaack!" I said, reaching for my cup.
"Stop it Sakura!" Ino said. "What are you doing?"
"Having a gooood time," I said, laughing. "Why don't youuu join meee?"
"Sakura, this has got to stop! Stop acting so...so..."
"So stupid?" I suggested. "Ino, I'm a verrry stupid girl."
"No you're not," she said, getting a chair and sitting next to me.
"Yes I am. If you only kneeew," I said.
"Knew what? Sakura, what are you talking about?" Ino asked. She was worried now.
"I caaaan't tell you," I replied, trying to get up. I could see Sasuke. He was laughing about something that Naruto said.
"Wh-Where are you going?" Ino said, standing up. I had to lean on her or otherwise I would have fallen.
"Sasuke-kun," I said. "Heee doesn't know. He caaan't know. He'll hate me." I started to cry. "That's why I have to kill it."
"Kill?" Ino turned my head so I was looking at her. She looked blurry through my teary eyes. "Sakura, are you okay? Is there... something wrong?" She thinkg I must be crazy for talking about killing.
"I'm not normal," I said.
"Yes you are. What made you think otherwise?" Ino said. She was dragging me to her bedroom. But I didn't want to go there. I started tugging my arm away from Ino's grasp, but she had a firm grip on me. She wasn't letting go.
I began clawing at her hand. Ino yelped in pain, but still she held on. "Sakura, I'm trying to help you," she said. No she's not. She's afraid of me because of what I said. "You're making a spectacle of yourself."
I looked around. Several people were staring at me with shocked eyes. Already I could hear the trail of whispers among them, the smirking gossip. They... they're making fun of me.
"C'mon Sakura. You're tired, you need to rest," Ino said. "I think you're sick."
"No, I'm not! Let me go!" I exclaimed, kicking her in the leg.
"Sakura!" Sasuke said, rushing to my side. I strted beating him on his chest with my tiny fists, sobbing. "Ino, what's wrong with her?" I heard him say.
"She's drunk," she answered.
Sasuke put his arms around me and that's when I stopped hitting him. I buried my head into his chest, crying. Just crying, because that's all I know what to do. "Shh, shh. It's okay Sakura. There, there," Sasuke whispered in my ear, comforting me. He was patting my back and holding me tightly. He didn't seem to mind that I was a crybaby.
I'm so pathetic. I'm such a stupid bitch. I don't deserve Sasuke. He deserves someone better than me. I'm just a miserable excuse for a girlfriend.
Daddy, are you proud of me? Are you proud of what I've become? Another pregnant skank roaming this earth.
"Dont you guys have anything better to do thatn just stare?!" That was Tenten, yelling at the gossiping people, our classmates.
"Sakura, are you okay?" Hinata asked. I didn't want to look at her or anybody else. I pressed my face deeper into Sasuke's chest. I could feel the beating of his heart, slow and constant. Everytime he breathed, his chest would expand outwards slightly. If I close my eyes, I can picture the two of us breathing as one.
Sakura, remember, you are too repulsive to touch. Kenji's hands have been on you, all over your body. He raped you and stole your innocence. Because of that, you're less valueable, more closer to being a nothing.
I tore away from Sasuke and saw his expression. Confused, yet totally loving. I ran upstairs and into Ino's room where I locked the door and laid down on the her bed, screaming into a pillow. I heard someone turning the doorknob, but it was a useless effort. Then a loud pounding on the door.
"Sakura! Open up," Sasuke said from the other side. I stayed silent, save for the choked sobs that escaped from my mouth. "Please. You're driving me crazy. Are you alright? Sakura, I need to know."
"Sasuke, if she doesn't wa-."
"Shut up Ino." More pounding. "Sakura, if you don't open this door, I swear I'll break it off its hinges!"
"Hell no! That's my door you're talking about. Sakura, just open the door," Ino said.
"Has she opened the door yet?" Gaara asked.
"No, not yet," Tenten said.
"Maybe she'll open up for me," Gaara said.
"I doubt it. But why don't you give it a try," Sasuke said. I heard undistinguished whispers, then a knock on the door.
"Sakura, it's me, Gaara. Open the door for me, just me. I promise I'll be the only one that'll enter," I heard him say on the other side of the door. A part of my mind was saying that it was a trick, but another part of me knew Gaara would never lie to me. I got up and headed towards the door. I opened it a crack to see that Gaara was indeed alone. I opened it up more (only wide enough for Gaara to enter) and let him in. I quickly locked the door once he was in the room.
"Gaara," I cried and hugged him. "Wh-What's w-wrong with m-me?" I said sobbing. Gaara is the only one who might have an idea why I am feeling this way.
"Well Sakura, you're keeping a huge secret from everyone. Not to mention you're pregnant, so your emotions and hormones are all whack right now. And you're drunk. I'm surprised you didn't blow up a long time ago," Gaara said, holding me tightly.
"I-I can' t do th-this anymore," I sobbed. "I d-don't... kill it Gaara, p-please?"
"Sakura, I can't," Gaara said. "I'm sorry, but... I don't know what to say. I don't want to hurt you."
"But you won't be hurting m-me. You'll be h-hurting the baby. Right?" I said. Gaara shook his head and new tears began forming in my eyes.
"Gaara, is she okay? I hear crying. Is she crying?" Sasuke asked, kicking the door.
"What do you want me to tell him?" Gaara asked me. "Sakura, why don't you want to see him? Sasuke is going crazy out there. You should tell him. He'll understand."
I was lost in my own thoughts. I remembered something Kenji told me once. He said that my mom loved him more than she loved me. My dad didn't love me at all. That's why he abandoned us. Kenji said it was okay though, because he loved me.
Does Sasuke love me? He's never said it. I assume he does because I love him. But what if I'm wrong? What if no one really loves me?
"Sakura? Did you hear me?" Gaara said.
"What's going on?!" Sasuke yelled.
"He won't hate you. I don't think he ever could," Gaara said.
"But he won't love me. He won't want to be with me anymore," I said, wiping my wet face. Gaara sighed.
"I feel responsible somehow, because I know and I'm not doing anything about it," he said.
"Gaara..."
"This isn't my secret to tell. But if you're not going to tell Sasuke, tell Ino. She's your best friend and I don't think I'm the shoulder you need to cry on. Ino's a girl, I'm sure she can give you the emotional support that I can't give you," Gaara said.
I gave him a hug. "Thanks," I mumbled into his shoulder. The pounding on the door got louder.
"What about Sasuke?" Gaara asked.
"Tell him... tell him to go home," I said.
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"Sakura, what's wrong? Neji and Shikamaru had to wrestle Sasuke downstairs. I'm not sure if he left, but he really wants to talk with you," Ino said. We were sitting on her bed. She offered me a tissue, which I took.
"What were you talking about earlier? About killing it? Killing what?" Ino asked. Her baby blue eyes were searching for an answer in mine.
"I need to tell you something extremely important. The only other person that knows is Gaara. He hasn't told anyone, and I'm hoping you won't as well," I said.
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm pregnant Ino," I said, looking at the floor. I wonder what it would feel like to lie there and never wake up.
"You're joking. You can't be serious," Ino said, standing up. She began pacing back and forth. "But you said Sasuke and you haven't done it yet. Argh...don't tell me you two didn't use protection. Sakura, what are you going to do?! Please tell me you're joking. Ohmygod. This is huge! Does Sasuke know? I ca-."
"Sasuke's not the father," I said, quietly. "We haven't done it yet." That stopped her babbling. Ino's eyes were wide.
"What are you saying?" she said. "How can Sasuke not be the father, unless...oh god, it's Itachi, isn't it?"
I shook my head, tears welling up again. "No, it's not Itachi either." I probably sound like a total slut right now.
"What?! Th-Then who? Sakura, what did you do?" Ino asked.
"Nothing," I said crying. "I was...raped." It was never easy talking about this sore subject. I think it always gets harder.
Ino came to where I was sitting on her bed and hugged me. She was crying as well, only not as loud as I was. For the first time, I felt like maybe someone could relate to me. Like Ino could imagine the fear of what I've been through.
"Oh Sakura...that's terrible," Ino said. "What you must have gone through." We were both sobbing and holding on to each other. "Do you know who it was? Did you see his face? Maybe we can still report him."
With painful hesitation I said Kenji's name. It all felt so surreal, like it wasn't my tongue that was moving and saying that awful name. You know how in movies, if something suspenceful happens, it plays that music? Well, that music was playing in my head. I was waiting for Ino's reaction. She just sat there with her mascara running off, leaving black circles around her eyes.
"K-Kenji raped you?" she stuttered. "But th-that's not possible. H-He's your stepdad."
"He's a fucking pedophile!" I said. "Do you know what that is Ino? Do you?!" She was crying harder now. I know she didn't want to hear this. "It's someone who's so fuckin' messed up that they take pleasure in molesting their stepdaughter!" I spat out. "And now," I said, pinching the fat on my stomach," I have this stupid baby."
"B-But it's dead. Isn't it? You drank beer...so it's dead," Ino said. "It can't live, right? You're not supposed to have alcohol, and you did. So it'd d-dead."
"I don't know Ino. I don't think four cups is enough," I said.
"But you can't have that creep's baby! Sakura, you're only sixteen! You can't have a baby," she said.
"I know that!" I cried. "That's why I want to get rid of it. Whatever it takes."
"Tell the police Sakura. They can help. They can lock Kenji up for what he's done," Ino said. "Gaara's so stupid for keeping something this big a secret."
"D-Do you think I'm stupid?" I asked.
"No. I already told you that you're not. I just think you're scared," she said. "Sakura...it's okay to be scared. I'd be scared too if... you know... that happened to me."
"Oh Ino, you don't know how scared I really am. I feel like I'm living a lie. To you, and everybody else, I come off as a normal sixteen year-old who has a great boyfriend and a loving family. I know there are girls who are envious of me, but for all the wrong reasons. My life is broken and I don't know how to fix it," I said. Ino put her hand on my shoulder.
"But you have amazing friends who can help you put the pieces together," she said, giving me a small smile. "Tomorrow, we're going to the police station and reporting that bastard. Okay?"
My mouth went dry. For too long, I've been afraid, but now I'm ready to take that leap. I licked my lips and said," Okay." But if I was going to report Kenji, I may as well go all the way. "And Ino, that's not all. Kenji abused me for three years. I don't want that to go unnoticed. I want that bastard to pay for all the pain and hurt he's caused me." Like clock work i was crying again. This has been a night of tears for me.
"Sakura, you are the strongest girl I know. All that shit Kenji put you through...it makes me want to, I can't believe I'm saying this, kill him," Ino said.
"I've been thinking that for three years. He's gone, did you know? He left the house earlier this week and we don't know where he is. I don't mind his absence, but my mom's upset. You know what? I seriously don't care how my mom is going to take the news. I love her, but... for once I want my happiness to count for something. She should be glad of my freedom from Kenji's dark presence,"I said.
"I'm sure your mom cares about you," Ino said.
"I know she does. I jsut wish she'd show it more," I said, stifling a yawn.
"You're tired," Ino stated. "Why don't you go to sleep? You'll feel better in the morning."
"Ino, my overnight bag. It's in Sasuke's car. Can you get it for me, please?"
"Sure. Anything else?"
"Don't let him in. I don't want to see him...not yet," I said. Not yet.
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The broken fragments of a shatterd glass echoes in the silence. Yet no one can heat the fall. A silent screaming, and no one reaches to help me, to save me. That's how I felt in the morning when I woke up. So broken and shattered. My head was screaming in pain and it hurt to open my eyes, so I kept them closed. But I was awake. I was aware of a voice... Ino's voice.
"Yeah Sasuke, she's fine. Stop worrying so much, this is the fourth time you've called this morning. What? No, she's asleep, so you can't talk to her. I'm not lying," Ino said, talking on her phone. I opened my eyes a bit, seeing the alarm clock. It read 10:16.
I felt bad. I was hurting Sasuke's feelinfs by avoiding him like a coward. But I'm so scared to confront him. Once I tell the police today, I might tell him as well. Unless I get rid of the baby. He'll never have to know. Our relationship will stay like this. But I hate lying to him. He doesn't deserve to be lied to.
"Sasuke, Sakura's awake now. I think. I mean, she's just lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling," Ino said. I turned my head to look at her, notifying her that I could hear what she was saying. She put her hand on the reciever, so Sasuke couldn't hear. "Do you want to talk to him?" Ino whispered. I sat up and nodded my head. She gave me the phone.
"-you there?" Sasuke asked.
"S-Sasuke," I said, my voice a bit croaky from crying so much last night. Ino left so I could have a private conversation with my boyfriend.
"Sakura...how are you? Be honest with me, please. What happened last night? I'm so confused. You wouldn't even let me hold you in my arms," Sasuke said, pain in his voice.
"I'm okay. Honestly. Last night was confusing for me too, but I'm okay now. I was drunk. I wasn't myself," I said, blaming the alcohol.
"You had me so worried Sakura. You locked yourself in Ino's room and wouldn't open up for me. I thought...I thought you were mad at me. Did you not want me to touch you?" he said.
"Oh Sasuke,"I said, "What made you think I wasmad at you? I'm not. I'm mad at myself... for acting so stupid. And I do want you to touch me, to hold me and kiss me. You fill those empty spaces in me. What I'm saying is I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the way I am sometimes. I feel awful for what I did to you," I said, apologizing. I really am the worst girlfriend.
"You don-."
"Please accept my apology," I said.
"Okay," he said. "Sakura, I want to tell you something in person. Can you meet me tonight at six?"
"Where at?" I asked. What does he want to tell me? It must be important if he wants to talk in person.
"Meet me at the park," Sasuke said.
"But won't it be cold outside?"
"We'll keep each other warm. It's going to be perfect, you'll see," he said, sounding excited.
"Okay, I'll see you at six. Bye Sasuke," I said.
"Bye Sakura," Sasuke said. We both hung up. I closed my eyes, hoping the headache would disappear. It didn't. Groaning, I stood up and went to the bathroom where I vomited. That's how Ino found me.
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Sasuke's P.O.V.
"Hey Sasuke. Are you ready for another lesson?" Junichi asked me. He was an extremely tall and muscular guyHe towers five inches over me and I'm six feet. Junichi is a great fighter though. So for the past week, he's been teaching me boxing moves at the gym.
"Yeah. I've been practicing at home as well, just like you told me," I answered.
"You never did tell me why you want to learn how to fight. Who the hell pissed you off kiddo?" Junichi asked. I don't know why he called me kiddo since he's only eight or nine years older than me.
"Some bastard," I said.
"Oh-ho! What did he do?" he asked, crossing his arms. I never promised Sakura that I wouldn't tell, so I guess I could tell Junichi. Who is he going to tell?
"If you really want to know, he hurt my girlfriend," I said. Junichi's facial expression changed. He almost looked sorry that he asked.
"Yo man, I'm sorry to hear that," he said. "One of my cousins used to date this abusive guy. She almost died because he beat her up so bad. I wanted to kill the bastard for what he did to her. But that fool ran off like the coward he is." Hearing that made my blood boil with anger. Kenji didn't just get kicked out, he ran off. But when I find him, I'll be ready.
"I know what you mean Junichi. It sucks that there are people like that out there in the world," I said.
"Do you want to start off with the punching bag?" Junichi asked.
"Why not," I said, putting on gloves. I walked over to where the bag was. It hung from two chains that were connected to a stand that held it upright.
"Okay Sasuke, to really get a good punch, you should use your knuckles," Junichi explained. He demonstrated by forming a fist and hitting the punching bag with his knuckles out. The bag moved a few inches from its original spot. "Now you try."
I balled up my hands into fists and began punching the bag. The chains made a clanky sound when they hit each other. With every strike, I put more force into it. I pictured Kenji's face and that got me going. i attacked the punching bag, imagining it was Kenji who was feeling all those blows.
I continued hitting that damn bag, even when it felt like my hands were coming off. There was no time to worry about bruises; that could wait for later. The chains resonated throughout the whole gym. I pictured they were Kenji's scream, and the best part was that he couldn't move, couldn't escape. He was immobolized and I was free to hit him. I didn't stop. I couldn't stop. I kept going until I heard the loud thud of the punching bag falling to the floor. The chains just hung there lamely, swaying.
"Damn Sasuke! Did you see the way you attacked that thing? I didn't know you had it in you," Junichi said, surprised.
My chest was heaving up and down with every breath I took. I was afraid to admit it, but that was the most fun I had today.
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Back to Sakura's P.O.V.
"You ready Sakura?" Ino asked me. We were in her car, outside the police station. The sun was out, but there was still snow outside.
"I'm ready as I'll ever be," I said. We got out of the car and entered the small building. We walked to the counter where we saw an officer who looked to be in his early thirties. His badge said WATANABE.
"Hello ladies," he said. "What can I do for you?" His smile reminded me of Kenji's. It was so fake.
"We would like to file a report for sexual assualt," Ino said. Officer Watanabe raised his eyebrow.
"What kind?" he asked.
"Rape," Ino replied.
"Who got raped?" he asked, looking at Ino and I.
"I did," I said, speaking for the first time.
"What's your name sweetie?" Officer Watanabe said. He almost looked concerned.
"S-Sakura Haruno," I stuttered.
"Sakura, well, I'm Officer Watanabe. There's no need to be afraid. Can you tell me when you got raped?"
"Um...about a month ago," I said thoughtfully.
"A month ago?" he said, confused. "Why'd you wait this long to tell?" Great. This guy isn't the sympathetic type.
"Uh, because I was scared," I said. "The guy who raped me threatened me."
"Wait, you know the guy who raped you? Why didn't you say something sooner? He could have raped another girl," Officer Watanabe said.
"Come on Sakura, tell him who it is," Ino said, squeezing my arm for support. I took a deep breath.
"Kenji Takishi," I said, looking at the officer straight in the eye. "My stepfather."
"St-Stepfather? Your own stepfather raped you?" he said. I nodded my head. "Are you sure?"
"Yes she's sure! That fucking asshole got her pregnant!" Ino exclaimed.
"Now, now young lady, there's no need to use such language. Sakura, is this true?" Officer Watanabe asked.
"Yes officer," I said. "I've never liked Kenji and I think he should go to jail for what he did to me."
"Do you have any test results to prove that you are indeed pregnant?" he asked.
"No. But I took a pregnancy test that I bought from the pharmacy," I answered.
"You do know those things aren't liable to be 100 accurate? That kind of test isn't legit."
"What do you mean?" I asked. The hope I had inside of me diminished a bit. I didn't like what I was hearing.
"What I'm saying is that in a court of law, you'll need to have a professional medical test stating you're pregnant," Officer Watanabe explained.
"You've got to be kidding," Ino said. "Sakura needs to go to the hospital and take a test? But Officer Watanabe, Kenji raped her! What more proof do you want?"
"Look little girl," he said. Ino looked offended. "I don't like being yelled at. What you two are saying ae really big claims."
"But it's the truth! Why would I lied about this?" I said. "Please believe me officer! You've got to believe me!" I was so frustrated that I felt tears forming in my eyes.
"You're a great actress Sakura, but do you want to know what I think?" he said.
"I'm not acting! I'm telling the truth," I said.
"I think you came up with this story so I'd have a reason to lock up this guy. You're just a spoiled brat who doesn't like who mommy married," Officer Watanabe said. It was like a slap in the face.
"That's not true!" Ino said, slamming down her hand on the counter.
"And you. You're the best friend who came for 'moral support.' I've seen these kind of things many times. Just go home," he said. Ino's mouth hung open. So was mine.
"So that's it? You're not going to do anything about it?" I said.
"Nope. Now, please leave," he said. I couldn't believe it.
"Come on Sakura," Ino said, glaring at the officer. She grabbed my arm to pull me outside.
"Good day young ladies," he said as we opened the door to leave.
"Fuck you," I said, flipping him off.
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"So what are we going to do now?" Ino asked me. She was driving me home.
"I don't know," I sighed.
"I meant about the baby," she said.
"I can't get an abortion. Do you know how much that costs? My mom will definitely notice if she's missing money in the bank," I said. "Plus, all those papers she has to sign for me to get an abortion because I'm underage. No, I don't even want her to know I'm pregnant."
"Sakura, she's your mother," Ino said.
"I'll get rid of the baby somehow. It's probably dead anyways. What do doctors call it, a stillborn?'
"I think so. But how are you going to get rid of it? I mean, it's still in your body," Ino said.
"When girls miscarraige, don't they bleed and it just comes out?" I asked. "I'll just have to make it come out by force."
"Sakura, I don't want you hurting yourself," Ino said.
"Gaara said the same thing," I said. "I appreciate that you're both trying to protect me from myself."
"That's what friends are for," she said, giving me a small smile. "But we can't give up becasue that stupid officer didn't believe us. We'll just try again." I nodded my head in agreement.
We got to my house and I got out of Ino's car. "See you tomorrow at school," I said before entering my house. Ino honked goodbye and drove off. Looking at the driveway, I noticed my mom's car wasn't there. I got out my keys that were inside my bag and opened the front door. I went to the kitchen where I saw a note posted on the fridge. I read what was written on it.
Sakura, I went to the supermarket to buy groceries. I'll be back soon. -Mom
I crumbled the note in my hand and threw it against the wall. Maybe it was good that she wasn't here. That way no one can hear me when I scream. I went to my bedroom and screamed into the ratty, old teddy bear my dad gave me for my third birthday. I was pissed that Officer Watanabe didn't believe me. He didn't even hear me out.
I went to my bathroom where I yanked at my hair in anger. I looked at my reflection in the mirror. I saw a girl with swollen eyes from crying so much. Crying isn't going to do anything. It just makes me look like a sag, ugly girl. Stupid and pathetic. I slapped myself on my cheeks again and again. I fell to the tile floor and curled into a ball, sobbing.
"Why? Why me?!" I yelled. "Why did this have to happen to me?!" I didn't ask for this.
I felt so alone in that moment. I just wanted to end this. I don't want to feel like this. I know Kenji will be back...he's going to hurt me again. He always does. He never stops. I want it to stop. I want Kenji to die. I want this baby to die. I want...
Then I saw it. There it was, lying in the tub, waiting for me. How could I have forgotten? Its sharp blades reflected under the bathroom lights. I crawled to where it was and grabbed in in my shaky hands. The feeling was foreign somehow, different. What changed? Slowly, almost cautiously, I moved the razor closer to my now scar-free wrist. I was about to cut myself when I heard Sasuke's vouce in my head.
"But you're glad, right? You're not going to cut yourself or anything?" he said, concerned.
"No, I'm not," I said.
"Promise?"
"Yes, I promise."
I remember now. I promised Sasuke I wouldn't cut myself, and I can't break that promise. I stopped cutting because of him. I dropped the razor. It fell with a soft thud on the floor. "Sasuke-kun," I said to myself. "I love you, but...I don't think I love myself."
"Sakura, I'm home! Where are you?" my mom yelled, coming back from shopping. I hastily wiped my tears.
"In the bathroom!" I yelled back, removing my clothes. "I'm taking a shower!" My mom was in my room now.
"Well hurry up. Dinner will be ready at five," she said.
"Mom, I'm going out with Sasuke at six," I said, turning on the water.
"Sakura, don't you think you spend too much time with Sasuke?" my mom asked. No. I think we don't spend enough time together. But I didn't answer her. I lathered my hair with shampoo. Then, I inspected my body, feeling the extra fat on my stomach. It wasn't a lot, but it was there. I moved my hands to my breasts. They had gotten bigger and more tender. Now I have to clasp my bra on the last hook instead on the first.
I turned off the hot water off and stepped out of the shower. I wrapped a towel around my body and walked to my room. I got dressed and met my mom in the kitchen. She looked up when she heard me coming.
"Is something wrong?" I asked.
"Sakura, I know we haven't really talked about sex before, but you sho-."
"Eww, mom!" I said. "I get it. If I'm going to have sex, I need to use protection. But don't worry about it, Sasuke and I haven't had sex." Yet.
"You haven't? Oh, thank god. I know he's a good guy, but if he pressures you, just say no of you're not ready," my mom said. "Don't do anything that you might regret."
"Mom, Sasuke is not pressuring me to have sex," I said. "How could you even think that?" This whole conversation about sex was making me uncomfortable.
"I'm sorry Sakura. But I'm just trying to warn you about the consequences," she said.
"I am fully aware of the consequences about having unprotected sex. Trust me," I said, a hint of bitterness in my voice. "Can we just not talk about this right now? Let's enjoy our meal."
My life is a nightmare.I wish I could wake up ad find out this is all a bad dream. But I know it's not. I am awake and this is the life I've come to know. It has its negatives, but then there are the great things that make me glad to be alive: Sasuke, Ino, Hinata, Tenten, Gaara, my mom. These are the people that make living one more day worthwhile.
"Mom," I said.
"Hm? What is it?" she asked.
"I love you. I'm sorry if I haven't showed it lately, but I do," I said.
"I love you too sweetie," she said smiling for the first time in this whole week. Her smile made me want to smile also.
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The sun was setting when I arrived at the park. It was mostly deserted, with only a few people still there. I sat down at a bench, waiting for Sasuke. I didn't have to wait too long.
"Hi," I said, standing up and planting a kiss on his mouth.
"Let's take a walk," he said, holding my hand. "Even though it's only been a day since I last saw you, it seems like years. I missed you."
"I missed you too," I said. "Even though I'm here with you, I still miss you. Do you know what I mean?"
"Yeah. I feel the same way," Sasuke said. I was waiting for him to say the thing he couldn't say on the phone. Deep down, it's been bugging me all day. "Sakura, I don't think you know what you do to me. Last night, I completely acted on pure emotions."
Sasuke abruptly stopped walking. "Sakura, look up What's that? Do you see that?" he asked, pointing to the night sky. I looked up, only seeing the stars that were now visible.
"What? I don't see anything," I said.
"You don't see it?" Sasuke asked, furrowing his eyebrows. "Are you sure?" However, his voice held a tinge of excitement.
"Wait...is that a blimp?" I said, seeing a blimp that I hadn't noticed before. It wasn't particulary big. "It says something." In large, bright letters was written a message: SAKURA- I LOVE YOU! I looked over at Sasuke. He was smiling. "Is this true?" I asked.
"Yes. Sakura Haruno, I love you," he said, lifting me up in his arms and kissing me. This kiss was more heart-felt and sincere; there was nothing sexual about it.
"Sasuke, I love you too," I said to him, stroking his hair. He was caressing my cheek, looking into my eyes with affection. "I love you. I can't stop saying it," I said, laughing softly. I felt like my heart had grown inside of me. Sasuke's love awoken a new kind of happiness that I never knew existed. I thought I was happy with him before, but now I'm ecstatic. I feel like I can fly if I want to.
We kissed again. And again. We fell to the snow-covered grass and held each other, connecting our lips, bodies, everything. I had never felt so open towards anyone like this before. I never knew how much emotion you could put in a kiss. If love had a taste, Sasuke's lips would be it.
We contined kissing until we had to stop for oxygen. I rested my head on his chest as we looked up into the stars. It seemed like they were shining only for us. I touched my angel necklace, and with Sasuke's arms around around me, I felt protected. "Are you glad you came?" he asked.
"Yes," I said. "I thought you would never say those words."
"Of course I would. I just wanted to wait until thet perfect moment. I love you Dum-dum and I want to keep you. I never want to let you go," Sasuke said, holding me more tightly. I breathed him in, nuzzling my head into his warm jacket.
"Sasuke," I whispered,"you have slowly become my most important person. One of these days, I want to show you how important you really are to me." Closing my eyes, I pictured the two of us staying like this forever.
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A/N: Wow, this chapter actually turned out to be longer than we planned. The next chapter will be the return of a beloved character that you have all come to know and hate. Please REVIEW!!!